You’ve Been Condemned To Spend Halloween With A Woo Grifter! It’s Your Choice But Choose Wisely!


Will you spend All Hallows Eve in The Ellsberg Dungeon?


Or maybe with Jena La Flamme and her sugar daddy, who’ll dress you up in tacky clothing and make you perform ridiculous dance numbers?


Perhaps you’ll spend tonight and all of this weekend with Pamela Madsen and her homeless clit flickers?

ali shanti hands

Maybe Ali Shanti will talk at you in that horrifically whiny voice until you agree to register for the Money Map?

julia mustache

Or, scariest of all, maybe you’ll take a mustachioed donkey to a costume party? Would you kiss that mouth?! DARE YOU KISS THAT MOUTH?!


  1. Really want JA and Smellsburg to get together and vibrate congruently. What could possibly go wrong?

  2. Papa Chevalier and LaPhlegm at least look recently showered. Why is the bar set so low in woolandia?

    • I was thinking along the same lines: at least La Phlegm & her sugar daddy seem to observe proper hygiene.

      Call me elitist, but I do draw the line at not showering frequently.

      • Yes, they’d probably get my vote. Both look like they have bathed and, unlike Donkey, Papa Chevalier has at least trimmed his tacky facial hair.

      • Does La Phelm only own one dress? And why do I always hear “Private Dancer” in my head when I see her forehead. I mean, face.

  3. Do we have to spend the entire Halloween night with them?

    Or can we just crash their party, still some of their drugs and then run away to enjoy them in more pleasant company?

    If that’s an option, I think Smellsberg probably has access to the best drugs in that group (just look at that face), so I would pretend to be friends with him, grab some of his stash and then leave.

    Happy Halloween, bitches!

  4. Gilly, you didn’t disappoint! Love the Choose Your Own Adventure theme and all of the choices are whoreifying…and hilarious, oops, hysterical!

    Semi O/T has anyone heard anything about Neil Patrick Harris’ choose your own adventure autobiography? I love me some NPH.

    • Thanks, tu-tu. I know nothing of NPH’s literary pursuits but was pleased as punch when I heard he’d be hosting the Oscar telecast.

    • Thanks, Popcorn! It’s been a terribly busy work week and wish I could have found the two minutes it would have taken to add a few others to the list, e.g., Avocado, Craig Filek, Misha Noodley, Tralala and Frank T.J. Mackey.

  5. Jesus.

    This is like the Russian roulette scene from Deer Hunter.

    It’s gotta be La Flamme, right? She’s gotta be the most balanced out of that crowd.

    • Balanced? Not sure. But she is certainly the most successful of these grifters, at the moment. She divorced Mesh Shirt and immediately shacked up with a rich Baby Boomer.

  6. Maybe admitting he was a Dom to his Jena was a “little too much?”

    From Michael Ellsberg’s page.

    For a variety of reasons I completely respect, my ex-wife did not feel comfortable with me writing publicly about some of the more, ahem, “alternative” aspects of my lifestyle during our relationship.
    So, if the more risqué aspects of myself I’m writing about now seem like a shock–perhaps it may occur to some readers as if I’m in some kind of “rebellion”–the only thing that is new is that I have more space to write about them. I’m “coming out” now about a lot of things in my life, post-divorce.
    I’m so happy that I now have space to express this side of me (and this side, not the put-together personal growth “guru,” has always been the true inspiration of my writing,) in a way that feels safe and affirming.

      • He’s been subtly dissing the woo for a few months now. Posts about inauthenticity, about people pretending to be happy all the time (he calls it “bliss fronting”), about so-called goddess worship, etc. There are times when I’m convinced he is talking about Donkey.

    • Pretty certain this means he’s into scat play. Looks and smells like shit so…LOGIC!

  7. I have never seen a picture of Ellsberg where he didn’t look actually dirty.

    Jenna and her French father appear to be made out of plastic and she has a bad case of not-so-resting bitchface. Pass.

    Ali is just….just….just barf, is all. Barf. Miles of barf.

    Am I crazy or were bangs actually a good look for Julia? This is one of the few photos of her I’ve seen where her hair looks normal. Alas, the picture itself makes her look like Margot Kidder’s Lois Lane right after Superman cuts a Planet Krypton-shattering fart. Nice WTF-face from the chick in the back.

    Just to go from photo alone Pamela looks the most pleasant.

    Can I cheat and spend the night with Julie’s kissplant target?

    Or barring that, the coat ghouls?


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