Updated: OMG! Looka Me, Donkey-at-Large In The New York Times, Makes The Perfect Gift For Powerful Moms!

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donkey at large

I didn’t read Julia Allison’s timely festival puff piece – loved the comments here! – and have no intention of doing so. I’m a New York Times subscriber, but after Jayson Blair, Judith Miller, and now Donkey, our relationship may be over. One thing’s certain: she will never shut up about this throwaway article and has already posted twice about it on FB. And some of you were wondering about that initial silence!

So …. BIG BIG BIG news! My first New York Times byline was published today, front page of the Styles section, above the fold, about Lightning in a Bottle, the transformational festival I covered for the Times in May.

As simple as the piece may look on first glance, I conducted approximinately 30 interviews, went through literally 7 drafts with my editor over the course of four months, and many, many, many hours of musing over transformational festival culture and how it is dramatically impacting our world.

I’m so proud to show you the final piece: “The Progeny of Burning Man: Transformational festivals emerge as a petri dish for art and culture in America.”

Keep in mind one thing: There is so much more to say about the power and impact of festival culture – this is just the beginning. But thank god the conversation is happening!

Update: Be sure to gift your very own powerful mom with Donkey’s stall filler about spoiled white layabouts transforming the world!

My NYT piece on transformational festivals is #17 on the Most Emailed List!!! Ahhh!!

Come on people, send this to your parents. Especially moms!! Tell them to send it to everyone they know!! Actually, they’ll already do that naturally.

Karen Block Russell, you could send this to 47 people just with your family list alone.

267 COMMENTS

    • Perhaps the many thanks Julia gives in the comments section might constitute the humblebrag? She couldn’t have won that Pulitzer without …

      Thank you to Carl Weiseth, Alicia Henry, Fitzcaraldo Oroc, Dream Rockwell, Jeet-Kei Leung and Russell Ward for their fantastic interviews and contributions to the piece.

      And thank you to my always-beloved (but no longer officially beloved, LOL) David Block for inspiring me to pitch the story in the first place. I wouldn’t have done it without him. Love you, sweetie.

  1. I can’t wait for the White House summit on the healing power of festivals where wealthy white people take drugs, wear funny clothes and fuck like rabbits (not that there’s anything wrong with that) that surely is to follow on this groundbreaking piece of journalism.

    • I hear the world leaders at the UN General Assembly took a break from the Middle East talks to discuss her piece.

  2. Let me be the first to congratulate Donkey on her roughly annual accomplishment of writing something that just about anybody could churn out.. Congratulations also on having a NYT connection and a very patient editor.

    Congrats too for creating something that exactly hits the right tone for the Times’ worthless Style section, a puff piece that will convince no one of anything, other than offering a glimpse of annoying and probably smelly people with shitty taste in fashion, music, and culture.

    Good job!!!

    • The Style section is the dregs, with often ridiculous profiles of non-achievers like Randi OMG! Zuckerberg and stories of rich white people’s travails while trying to find the perfect apartment.

      • “Above the fold” is that still a thing? No fold on the internet and she can brag when she hits the front page of TheNYT (style-eha) for an actual accomplishment (7 drafts/4 months?) I’m embarrassed for her and the editor who published this. It’s a called a “favor” for St. Martin and nothing more. That.is.all. Keep bragging donkey. This too will fall flat, quickly like your “book” sales.

        • I have friends who are actual journalists at WSJ, Forbes, and NPR and they often have to churn out assignments under incredibly tight deadlines, and this stupid woman is bragging about taking four fucking months to write filler for Style?

          • That’s the tell that she is clueless about real writing. Hilarious (hysterical) she brags about it and expose herself as lame. 4 months for that piece donkey? Really?

          • She’s a goddamned joke. Think about James Foley and Stephen Sotloff, who literally risked their lives to keep a global conversation going about Middle Eastern turmoil.

            THANK GOD WE’RE STARTING A CONVERSATION ABOUT TRANSFORMATIONAL FESTIVALS

          • All of this-she’s just showing everyone she’s never had a job or any real responsibilities. Yes, what Mr. Foley and Mr. Sotloff’s parents and family really needs is just a funky festival to get over their problems.
            And I hate that she 1. now knows who John O. is and 2. that she’s signing things I love you to him. Has she not seen any of his work on the Daily Show prior to LWT? He makes fun of Donkeyworld like things on the regular-she’s not in on the joke-she is the joke.

          • yeah i couldn’t really get past that. four months FOR THAT? i wrote a manuscript for an actual medical journal in less time.

        • Above the fold on the internets means when you can see the ad or article without having to scroll.

          So yeah, still a thing.

          (Sorry, I’m not lecturing. Don’t mean for this to sound bitchy!)

          • I appreciate the feedback (not a writer) despite degree in broadcast journalism. Am I mistaken, but I thought it only really mattered from the front page of the entire paper? Sorry if I’m incorrect about that, not meaning to be demeaning or insulting-just trying to recall information from 20 years ago. Ha.

          • And JFA’ing to say that I’m sure much has changed since the digital age and journalism.

    • Seven drafts and four months. Some information is better left unshared if you want to feign competence. I don’t know why they didn’t bin the story, I know editors who would have after months and months of drama over an inconsequential puff piece, but good on her.
      I bet her book editor is counting the days until Dec 1.

      • Favor to Nick Bilton, probably. Julie gets a lot of mileage out of whatever she’s done for him (I think it’s more likely introductions years ago than beejs).

        • Favour to Bilton makes more sense to me than the beej theory.
          That must have been some introductions in the early years.

      • How is May to now seven months?

        Oh right. Just like she dated Dervish for two years, and Pancakes for one, and, and, and…

    • Let’s also congratulate her on her blow job skills, because clearly they are tops. She did not get this “job” on merit.

    • And congratulations on finding an editor, outside of the NY times editor who is too busy, to write this for you

  3. Four months to earn $400! Oh, Julie, your career is going like gangbusters. If you get your book in before the end of the year and you somehow get that LIAR Brian Howie to pay you, you could be Queen of the World with your $12,600 income for 2014!

    Sad thing is that this will likely be her highest-earning year since Mess Advised. And we’re not even counting the free Coobies!

  4. A real reporter could have turned this around in 48 hours, you fucking fake.

    • I was a stringer for a couple mid-sized papers and don’t consider myself a “real reporter,” yet I never remember getting more than week to crank out feature pieces longer than this drivel. Usually it was between 48 and 72 hours. Four months? Really?

      • The Times is pretty generous with features deadlines, so four days might have been reasonable. Four months is fucking insane.

        Also, now she can write that trip off on her taxes. Thundercunt.

        • But if she writes it off, wouldn’t the amount of the trip (best $7,000 she ever spent!), in relation to the amount of earned income set off bells at the IRS?

          • Her total writing income, though. Because it was also research for her book. Dadsers’s accountant will figure something out.

          • I have a friend who is a writer of OMG books that were actually published. I remember he was talking about how he gets to write off a portion of his rent because that is where he writes. But he actually writes books so I buy it with him. So she gets to write off some of that astronomical rent in the marina where she probably spends more time crying into her tutu’s than actual happiness writing???? #IRSGrifting

      • Another lie Julie. She wasn’t commissioned or contracted to do this piece she tried to sell it after the fact and pitched it-slow news week-that’s what she really should be bragging about and grateful for.

      • My business card says “reporter on it” and this nitwit is a fucking fake.

    • Yet she wants to be patted on the head and told over and over again how this filler is the greatest USA achievement since the moon landing. A gold star for you, Julie! Lots of gold stars and Dad$ers will pay all of your travel expenses for the next five years!

      • In fairness, this is a step up from her being proud of the heart she drew. She must have been the most annoying toddler during potty training in the history if toddlers being potty trained.

      • I wonder how many editors there were–her mother, an assistant to her Bleeker St agent if he had a hand in placing this, someone at the NYT.

        Anyway, at this rate, her book should be ready for publication around 2053.

      • And she believes that she is helping to change the conversation, that this shit should and will take hold across America. Oh honey.

        • Right? Yes, Julia, in this age of long-term unemployment, housing foreclosures, stagnating middle class wages, exorbitant student loan debt, and boomerang children, the time is fucking RIPE for people to drop a thou or two to run around in their underwear and gobble molly at a transformational festival. That Julia, always telepathically connected to the zeitgeist!

    • four phone calls, four quotes, three anecdotes, one anecdotal lead, one kicker, done; time for lunch.

      • A friend of mine worked at the NY Daily News in the early aughts and she was churning out a few articles per day, and she would often have to go to the scene and interview people.

        • ^^This. I couldn’t work under the deadline pressure that most journalists face. I’m sure Alexander Marquardt is so impressed, he’ll put a ring on it.

          • She yoohoo’d Ben Detrick, super-cute NYC journalist as far as his Twitter acct profile photo goes, in this by referencing (and hyperlinking) his short piece on the “seapunk” movement.

    • My remedial level students (12th graders with a schoolwide average of a fifth grade reading level!) punched out deeper narrative essays in two weeks, including peer editing and typing, all in class. So, discounting daily grammar and vocab (15 minutes), time to get to the lab and login to the ten-year-old Dells (ten minutes) and minus Fridays due to quizzes and SSR. So let’s say half an hour a day for eight days. Four hours, total, not counting the week of brainstorming and outlining. Make it six if you insist on counting the pre-writing.

      Six hours. To write about when their brother/best friend/cousin was shot, nephew died, dad went to jail, they got arrested, played their first show, went to the hospital after falling off their bike on a hill, got jumped into a gang, almost died in a car accident, came out, lost their faith, found themselves, etc.

      You’re getting beasted by REMEDIAL HIGH SCHOOL KIDS, Donkey. At least their stories had discernible themes!

      • sounds like the writing class i taught on a grant at a disadvantaged school: you can write about anything you want to, you just have to write, and use the format of a news story.

        some chose soaps, some chose tv, some chose sports; one girl wrote a first person about her mother being murdered.

        they had an hour a week for a month for idea development, first draft, feedback, polish and final; 1k words.

      • Girl, I’m sure it’s also b/c you’re a badass teacher that your remedial students are so productive. But your point holds true.

    • Right?! Does she think she’s impressing anyone with that info? She is so out of touch, she doesn’t even know how to lie about herself to look better anymore.

  5. My boss brought this up today! I said something about yoga and she said, “Oh I read this story in the newspaper today about smaller festivals inspired by Burning Man and one of them had all these people doing yoga and it looked fun.” I didn’t know how to respond. I just don’t know where to start when it comes to Donk.

    • Wow. Awkward. I would probably blush, helplessly giggle, avert my eyes and henceforth be known as the weird one.

    • The photos that accompanied the piece were good, actually. And I assume the editor found them because Julie’s photos were unusable.

    • My mancat emailed it to me! He’s a regular times reader.

      I was like: “This was written by that crazy blogger we watched flop around. The site is flipping a shit.” His response: “Not surprising. It’s pointless and terribly written”

      ** annnnddd…..cartoon hearts erupt from my eyes**

  6. 7 drafts, 4 months and ‘many, many, many hours of musing’?

    It is one thing if you are doing an in-depth piece for Vanity Fair on festival culture. You’d need time to attend multiple events around the world, interview festival founders and attendees, research the history of large-scale festivals e.g. Woodstock.

    IT IS ANOTHER THING if you are writing a stupid throw-away piece for the NYT Style section. As @I WAKE UP TO A PICTURE OF MYSELF ON MY NIGHTSTAND said, 48 HOUR TURNAROUND. A little bit of advice, if it took you 4 months to write this? You don’t tell anyone that. And you especially don’t brag and shout it from the rooftops.

    Posting a photo of the newspaper to show that it’s ‘front page’ and ‘above the fold’ AND pointing out in the photo comments that it’s ‘front page of the Styles section, above the fold’? The only thing that comes to mind: Christ, what an asshole.

    If she posted a brief bit about it on FB with a link to the story, and let other people leave congratulatory comments? Okay, fine. Good for you. But to pat yourself on the back, on such a grand scale, over and over? This is why people don’t like you, Julie. It just makes you look like an asshole.

    • My relative’s horse is in a just-released tv commercial, & I swear to Greg, that beast deserves ten times more accolades than does this dusty hosebeast.

    • I have a feeling she was setting this up to use as an excuse come December 1 when she doesn’t have her book completed. “Get off my back, Momsers, I was writing a very important piece for the Style section!” Unfortunately, she didn’t realize it makes her look like an imbecile.

      • I’m thinking the same thing- she couldn’t work on her book because she had to craft this important, thought-provoking piece for the times. Hahaha who am I kidding? She was never going to work on her book.

    • Yesyesyes ! Well said friend. Fine Julia the article is in NYT, we get it. But the way she dramatizes her prep for this is classic Julia. Way too much info and embarrassing.

    • So, if this took her “4 months, 7 drafts and many, many hours of musing,” then what’s her rate these days? $0.02/hour? A penny a word when adjusted for her time and the poor editor’s?

      Honestly, the amount of actual capital that went into this “story” is pretty staggering.

      • If this fluff story took her 4 months to write she really needs to rethink this whole “journalism career” thing. She’s just not cut out for the gig.. It’s apparent that writing is really difficult for Julia.

  7. Above the fold? What a tool. And “Thank god the conversation is happening!”?? You’re not curing cancer, bitch! Have a seat.

    Sorry if I repeated someone else’s rant. I usually read y’alls DELICIOUS comments first but I couldn’t wait today.

  8. Keep in mind one thing: There is so much more to say about the power and impact of (FIXED) behavioral therapy– this is just the beginning. But thank God the conversation is happening!
    Fuck off you psychopath-we don’t need to discuss the power and impact of festivals. Trying to blow the cupie doll DJ vai NYT is a low blow even for her. Sad no mention that he left her, just like every other man. yawn.com

    • “Keep in mind one thing.” No, I won’t.

      I hate it so much when she is bossy and declarative about things that have ZERO RELEVANCE.

      • As someone above said she’s not curing cancer-she went to a drug party (for most of us -well not me- but that was college). I’m convinced this was just a st. martin favor to try and bolster sales down the road.
        And yes, people laaaovhve to be told by a no talent chuck o’nothing what we need to pay attention to-there are real world problems and “getting cracked out with your rack out” in the desert isn’t one of them.

      • In my experience, declarative generalizations are a clear sign of naiveté at best, complete ignorance and lack of talent at worst.

        I have a jr writer on my team who is always talking about how she’s a SERIOUS WRITER but the stuff she churns out is rubbish and *always* starts with some declaration of “we love” or “we hate.” I tell her constantly that no one cares what we love or hate.

        • It’s a sign of insecurity of one’s own opinion=declarative generalizations

  9. ‘Kristin Thorne: So now I know what you mean about the editing process. It is very NY Times. BUT still wonderfully written.’

    Who called it re: her complaining about how they fucked up her piece with all the editing? I think it was Mama Jacy. How much you wanna bet she posts the original garbled mess on FB to prove all of the hard work she put into this and HOW THEY CUT OUT HER BELOVED DJ AVOCADO?

    • Yah I have been also thinking that she’s been upset that it’s not her original masterpiece. I can’t wait to see it and for her to shoot herself in the foot more with the NY Times.

      WHICH this post already does.

      NYTimes writers don’t do this. They don’t brag like this about 7 months for a tiny article that any competent writer could turn around in a weekend. oy.

      • Didn’t she get the NYT to issue some kind of tortured correction over a total nothing non-error just to get her name in the paper again? Am I making that up?

      • I once wrote a cover story for the New York Times magazine. And it didn’t take me 7 goddam months of musing and whinging to my editor, either. Gawd, she is the most irritation faux journalist of them ALL>

        • oops irritating. but you knew that catpeeps. You knew that. fuming too much to monitor autocorrect

        • Yes, a friend of mine did a really interesting NYT mag story that involved travel and interviewing a celebrated person who was very reclusive at the time, and I think it took her six weeks total, a lot of which was occupied by trying to fit her schedule in with the celebrated person’s.

  10. ‘Bear Kittay – nice work.’

    Oh no. Bear Kittay’s fiancé: you better hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husband, too.

  11. So sad how Avocado has no reply! Hasn’t she ever learned about living well and all that being good enough revenge? I don’t even hate her for all that. I just find that really desperately sad.

    • She thinks this will make him leave the arms of cute and tiny for her. Or she’ll try and take a cut of his music sales because she was his pr donkey and she got him mentioned (?) in the Times. I lost all respect for print journalism while doing research recently and this just confirms what I had suspected.

    • I’m going to contact the public editor about them hiring a plagiarist, and also will mention how the work printed under her byline shows none of the distinctive style all her other (parenthesis filled!) writing does.

  12. Avocado posted on his profile

    “Check this out! Lightning in a Bottle in the The New York Times. Julia Allison, such an amazing thing to watch your process. I’ll add that keeping one’s journalistic integrity when writing for the NYT is ……… lets just say exceptionally challenging….. Proud of you Julia”

    And there’s this comment from the post on Burners.Me:

    “While I absolutely adore Random Rab and a lot of this music, I find the label “transformational” to be pretentious. The festival goers are nice for sure, and there are some sweet intentions being set, but I don’t know what makes the music any more transformational than Skerik blasting an awesome saxaphone solo at High Sierra or Tim Carbone rocking a super intense fiddle jig at the Railroad earth Halloween fest. Fact is, music is transformational no matter what the genre and no matter what beverage you are sipping on. These feather leather festivals are magnificent and beautiful and festivals like High Sierra are rockin’ and silly. And to me, Burning Man encompasses both and then some.”

    • ‘I’ll add that keeping one’s journalistic integrity when writing for the NYT is ……… lets just say exceptionally challenging’

      What does that even mean?

      Was she also complaining to him, ad nauseam, about the NYT *hack* editing job? Specifically that they cut out all mentions of her BELOVED?

  13. It’s funny that Julie’s front page NYTimes article wasn’t in the ART section!?
    I’m genuinely curious, dear.

    • It’s really telling they didn’t even tweet it out (at least not that I’ve seen). So proud they are of that article they’re not even promoting it. Tho Sthecial

          • 17th most emailed (because she emailed it to everyone she knows?) And why oh why does she think moms with kids + additional jobs would ever find a what she wrote so transformative?
            A day at the spa-now that’s transformative donkey.

          • 17th most emailed is like the germ of that bestseller scam the grifters use to pump their woo books up. It is to gag.

  14. Dear god. Wut?
    ——–
    David Block
    36 mins ·
    Check this out! Lightning in a Bottle in the The New York Times. Julia Allison, such an amazing thing to watch your process. I’ll add that keeping one’s journalistic integrity when writing for the NYT is ……… lets just say exceptionally challenging….. Proud of you Julia

    • I’m pretty sure the woo folks are incapable of reading anything but their own writing. They’re practically illiterate.

    • Translation-you didn’t mention you were “cracked out with your rack out,” once in the article. In woo world deception=integrity.

    • Because nothing says “objective” and “journalistic integrity” like being able to thank personally everyone you interviewed for a piece that took four months and seven drafts to write.

      Seriously, the more I think about this, the more worthless it is. Even if they sat on it to capitalize on the Burning Man buzz, it’s STILL a month late. Who the hell takes this long to write a feature article, and who the hell admits what a chore this shit was to write? Is she special?

  15. In the late 1990s, the NYT published an article on their style section that totally plagiarized one I posted on my web magazine. I wrote them and they were total assholes about it. They were the 500 pound gorilla and there was nothing I could do. And it didn’t stop there. Their writers would constantly mine my content for article ideas. I’ve never felt the same way about them since.

    • A similar thing happened to me with Newsday. It’s a really shitty feeling.

      The article I had written was already published and I’d given permission to a few websites to reprint it.

      Got a call from a friend early on a Sunday morning to tell me that my story was on Newsday’s front page. But no mention of me or any credit given whatsoever. The writer just took my story and slapped his byline on it. Fuckers.

      I had been obsessed with political investigative reporting since high school, after reading ‘All The President’s Men.’ Woodward and Bernstein were my heroes. Really turned me off to the whole profession after that.

      • That is awful. I wanted to cry and punch the wall when someone took a half a joke from me once. I can’t imagine.

  16. this reminds me of when I was a teen and I got an article published in the local newspaper (the SoundLife weekend crapfold) about some local bands I liked. boy I thought I was hot shit for a few days. I never followed up on that either. its easy as fuck to write about what you are currently interested in. try writing something on contract from someone else.

    fucking seal claps all around julia. go binge on some chocolate bars you special, special girl.

  17. Julia Allison

    18 mins · San Francisco, CA · .

    My NYT piece on transformational festivals is #17 on the Most Emailed List!!! Ahhh!!

    Come on people, send this to your parents. Especially moms!! Tell them to send it to everyone they know!! Actually, they’ll already do that naturally.

    Karen Block Russell, you could send this to 47 people just with your family list alone.

      • her severe lack of shame is relentless. it is so embarrassing to behold. just stop! but no. she will milk this cow until it keels over.

    • Any minute now, she’s going to put up a new FB cover with her holding that section next to her face. “See, look, I’m a journalist! Take that, suckers!”

      We thought the post BM wedding post was bad? We ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.

    • Nothing says self-serving like I’m number 17 you all need to do more since I’m a lazy yard beast (if she had any real friends not paid bots) it would be one thing, She is shameless.

  18. Oh. My. God.

    From her FB:

    My NYT piece on transformational festivals is #17 on the Most Emailed List!!! Ahhh!!
    Come on people, send this to your parents. Especially moms!! Tell them to send it to everyone they know!! Actually, they’ll already do that naturally.
    Karen Block Russell, you could send this to 47 people just with your family list alone.

    And she helpfully includes the link. You know, so MORE people can email it so it can rise ABOVE 17th on the most emailed list. I didn’t even know the list went that low.

    Isn’t she always calling herself a “journalist?” Why is she flipping out about this drivel?

    • Why do I get the vibe of a giddy candidate on election night, waiting for the pols to close? Is she counting email tickers tapes too? Throwing confetti & mainlining cupcakes?

      • oh god. stop it.

        DONKEY STEP AWAY FROM THE AVOCADO.

        Bask in your lame glory for one second. Look at your wife-self and take a deep breath and repeat this mantra:

        “Today, I will not be the most pathetic example of a desperate female there is by chasing a guy repeatedly in a public forum who doesn’t want me.”

    • Remember when D0nk penned that thothial thuthdies column & said email was dead, except for olds like NGMb’$

      #17nevah4get

  19. Send it to moms so you can find out what kind of mindless drug-fueled antics your kids are up to!

  20. She doesn’t have the empathy, intelligence, or awareness of her own privilege and opportunities to offer anything insightful on “real” causes, so it makes a lot of sense that she’d pick “transformational festivals” as her pet cause and frame it as something that will change the world and not just provide people with an opportunity to do drugs and look at art for a few days a year.

  21. Also, her obsession on Avocado (…tagging his mom? Mentioning him in comments?) is making me so embarrassed for her. She reminds me of when I’m drunk on Twitter and won’t shut up about whatever pops into my head, except always.

  22. I don’t know why the manic boastings of a certified madwoman are puzzling to me, but yet here we are.

    She wrote a mediocre, forgettable piece that clearly got chopped to shit and she’s behaving as though her screenplay just won best picture, and is actually thanking people as though she’s making her acceptance speech in Hollywood.

    Even the shitty “journalists” I know could have written that story in an afternoon. Not that difficult, not that much of an accomplishment, but, you know, good on her for managing to get the Times interested, I guess? They do glom onto stuff they think is trendy. That’s why “The Times Is On It!” Twitter stream is so funny.

    She really is mental. And she will dine out on this story for the rest of her life. I guarantee you she is updating all her bullshit bios as we speak, with New York Times front and center.

    • Thorny seems to confirm that the edited version barely resembled whatever shite she turned in.

      Kristin Thorne So now I know what you mean about the editing process. It is very NY Times. BUT still wonderfully written

      • Mama Jacy – didn’t you speculate earlier that she won’t be able to help herself and will eventually post the unedited version on FB?

        She must be complaining privately to anyone who will listen how the NYT *ruined* her wonderful piece with their awful NY Times editing.

        I will bet one jar of Trader Joe’s Crunchy Cookie Butter that we see at least one NYT correction posted online by tomorrow? Saturday?

        ‘wonderfully written’ = much better than the usual word tripe that you call ‘writing’.

        • Jacy’s prediction will come to fruition when she gets nixed on a follow up piece. Someone at St. Martin called in a favor-favor fulfilled. She won’t be able to help herself and the rage beast will shine and she’ll have to show those people at the NYT by printing the “original.”

    • “Thank you, above all, to the most important, most connected, most passionate wonder-being who continues to touch me, to break me, to make me, to bake me 🙂 daily, or even sometimes every hour or minute. Some might call him an ex, because, well, we “broke up,” if you even believe two people belong together forever in a suburban prison eating gluten tacos. But we have a connection that is much deeper than living together or eating or sleeping. He is my greatest creation. I mean DAVID BLOCK HELLO! CALL ME!!! THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP!!!!! TELL ME I’M OKAY TODAY PLEASE!!!!!! SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!”

  23. You guys. I have commented maybe twice in the five (holy shit) years I’ve been reading this, but my eyes are rolling so much that I had to. Today at my omgrealjournalist job, I wrote a piece this same length. I was on deadline, so I wrote it from about 6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. I am not terrible, so it has now gone through the editing process and is published. (Gold star to me!) I get that this is a feature and the NYT has extensive editing, but come ON, Donks. No actual journalist brags “I was edited SO much and it took so long!” And for a feature, this is the easiest kind to write. It’s a weekend event. You go there, observe some shit, take notes, talk to people, spew it on the page. This didn’t require substantial reporting time. There are some 1,300-word features worthy of putting a lot of time into — a 1,300-word story based solely on ONE WEEKEND requires just that weekend and like…two days, max, to write. (I am being generous because I know she’s dumb.)

    I reeeeeally want someone to send the first draft. I’d love to see that.

      • It just shows what a fake fucking sham of a journalist that she thinks it makes her sound imprethive by bragging about how long it took to edit her donkey droppings.

        I know I’m doing my job well when I have little to no interaction with our editors. Needing to re-write or re-work something generally means I fucked up.

        • She is so clueless that she doesn’t realize that requiring seven revisions on a fluff piece means you truly SUCK as a “journalist.”

    • Seriously, this isn’t some in-depth investigative piece here. This is straight fluff. Someone whose never been to Burning Man could have written this in an afternoon.

    • Does anyone else suspect that the whole “dropping in on the parents” happened so that Julia could get her mother to help her with this story after the NYT bounced it back to her a couple of times?

      • I do. Robin did “Like” the “big big big news” post Julia posted. Unless donk went into momsers’s Fb and liked it for her.

        • Excuse you, it was BIG BIG BIG news. News that was merely big big big would be, like, a presidential assassination, a moon landing, a cure for HIV, etc.

  24. Do we not think the NYT threw her a bone simply because her bio says she has 140k FB friends and 100K more on Twitter? They’re looking for an audience. She got 100 likes on this post and many of her other posts are ghost town city. I cringe at the obviousness of her lies but she has no shame and doesn’t care.

    The article, and I’ve been watching this shit show for a while, doesn’t really say anything about LIB of interest. It LITERALLY contains almost no content and is not moving in any way.

    • Someone in the know please find out if St. Martin tossed her a bone for her “book” so they can include NYT as part of the spin for selling the dumbest book ever written.

  25. I just have to repeat this:

    “Send this to your parents. Especially moms.”

    This has to be the saddest, most pathetic, most embarrassing thing I’ve ever seen her say. What on fucking earth would anyone’s mother or parent care about layabout festivals their kids attend fueled by sex, drugs and psychedelic music?

    • Yes, what the fuck was that about? It certainly wasn’t a shout out to Robin. A tip o’ the tutu to Julie Hagerty, AKA Momcado? I WANT YOUR SON BACK, PLEASE HELP!

      • I think so. But David wasn’t even mentioned. I don’t get why parents and specifically moms would care? Is she 14 years old?

        • Read as: Momvocado! Make your little green son date me again so I can have a boyfriend until I find someone better and dump him!

      • She’s basically kissing MommaCado’s hippie ass:

        “I know YOU totally get this whole transformative thing ’cause YOU’RE a cool Momsers, so let’s spread the word and show all the other NON-cool Momsers (like mine!) how it’s done…… and yoo-hoo, do you see how enlightened I am? And can you please send my Avo-soulship back to me? Abs-rubbing optional! Kay, er, um, oops, thanks, bye!!!”

    • Karen-Block-Russell-Julie-Haggerty, you have failed at this task. Take steps to redeem yourself. Come to our side; we’re here for you.

      • Yeah, this was the most amusing part. Who does she think her/ the style section demographic is? Teens trying to get permission from their parents to go to a festival? I mean, I would venture that the Style section is read by 35+ people who do not need parental approval/ couldn’t care less about what their parents think (in a good, non asshole way, as in “they don’t need to know every little thing I do in my free time”).

        I go to music events. At my age, I don’t need my mom’s commentary on this stuff.

  26. Why can’t anyone be honest with her?

    Her book proposal was a joke. This article was a joke.

    How? Why?

  27. Well, “petri dish” is an accurate metaphor for the kind of “art and culture” that BM and its spawnchildren fosters. Cultural ebola.

  28. Wait, what? You made that last bit up about sending this to moms and the shout out to DJ Avocado’s mom, right?

    Hold on…brb…

    NO. OMG.

    I have so much Cankleshausen. How fucking embarrassing. She is so high on her own fumes right now.

      • Bingo!

        It’s a total suck up to Mama Cado. In Julie’s twisted mind, if she stays tight with her, that keeps the door open to her Beloved’s heart.

        Can’t you just see it now? She’ll come to LA for a visit. Stop by Mama Cado’s for a visit when WHAT DO YOU KNOW, her Beloved just happens to be in town at the same time. What a coincidence!

        • I had a stalkery ex-boyfriend who date-raped me keep in touch with my mother for 40 years. After she died, he still tries to contact me to get together about 2x a year. I have returned all letters and refused contact but he still keeps it up. It is so wrong to step over those boundaries.

    • Dear Momvocado,

      Please take note of the following magic words, as they are the only effective donkey repellant known to date, best served with a glass of wine:
      “Take care, dear heart”.

      You’re welcome.

  29. Julia Allison
    3 hrs · San Francisco, CA ·

    What if every situation were secretly a win-win, and you just had to be creative enough to figure out exactly how?

    How would that change the way you looked at the world, felt about other people’s decisions, reacted to the actions of your beloved, friends, colleagues or family?

    ‪#‎ParadigmShift‬

    Translation:

    David #parardigmshifted all of his passwords and now I can’t get into any of his accounts. He brought me on board as Account Manager, so it’s very important that I get back into his FB, email, voicemail, instagram, twitter (and any other accounts you bunnies can think of) ASAP. I’m still so excited about my new job, as NYT columnist (Ahhhh!), that I know I’m forgetting a few.

    Since he’s so busy on the road with the tiny and cute Miss Haley, I will be handling it on a daily basis. Possibly even hourly or by the minute. LOL! Yes, he is THAT talented and in demand. Especially with his gorgeous new album, ‘Embraced’, being released next week.

    As you can imagine, this is a time sensitive issue! Anyone who can help me access any of those accounts will be paid in cupcakes and 1 week with Miss Lilly Dog.

    cc: Bear Kittay

    • Got robbed and stabbed in the abdomen? secret win-win! you can now eat hospital food for 3 weeks in the ICU!

      Your co-workers call you racist names? secret win-win! Now you can connect with the memory of your ancestors and light some incense while saying a prayer to create beautiful artistic change!

      Your boss is harassing you sexually? Secret win-win! Now you know you are a desirable goddess!

      I can’t with the woo shit. It’s so offensive and oblivious as to the kind of reality the rest of the world lives in.

    • That win-win comment she made is all kinds of mental. Avocado for the sake of all you deem holy, stop engaging this freak and run!! All you are doing is giving her reason to be a stage 5 clinger. Unless that’s eh at you want, then hey go for it dude, it’s your life,

    • What if instead you stole an idea and the exact “win-win” language from your “sister” Ali Shanti?

    • Donkey, donkey, donkey. You are a prisoner of your white, suburban, affluent middle-class bubble. Time to break free and get a clue. Alternatively, shut up and let the grown-ups talk.

      I was going to run through the win-win potential of the plight of the Chibok girls, Ferguson, Ebola, losing your pension, or sudden unemployment, but it was taking me to a very dark place. I just wish she went back to talking about kale smoothies and silly “frocks”. I can’t stomach her attempts at faking insight or wisdom.

  30. I write longer emails than this several times a week. My dog also poops longer shit than this several times a week. Bravo Donk, you’ve pooped out about the same amount of shit as my dog does re festivals that I attended 20 years ago.

    Nambassa and Sweetwaters were awesome music/drug festivals back in the day. People here said Sweetwaters jumped the shark when David Byrne was headlining. DAVID BRYNE!!! He was fucking awesome.

  31. Totally off topic but I thought fellow basement cat ladies would appreciate this. Behold the food-woo crowd!

    http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/08/jun-a-fermented-high-jing-elixir-emma-blue/

    This had me laughing:

    My anonymous source (Christopher James Whitson) first tasted Jun in Tibet, at a camp at the base of Mt.Kailash. At this camp a 40 year old Tibetan woman attempted to seduce him with a fine grade of Jun.

    Look at that 40 year old Tibetan temptress and her mystical tea!

    Slightly less off topic, I wonder if this might not be JA’s next woo persona: mystical and magical foods. I have yet to see her condescending on us about how much better than us mere plebes she eats.

  32. Re the most-emailed list (I AM SO AMAZEBALLS!!!! MY PIECE IS SOOOOO GREAT!!!!), let’s say that:
    a) If you are not in the top-10 list that is on the frontpage, nobody notices. Who has ever clicked on the “most-emailed link” to get to the other 50 or so most-emailed stories?
    b) The place on the list was probably achieved through bots. I am sure the same people that sold her the fans in the stans, sell clicks and emails to any story you want.

    Anyway, happy Friday, catpeople.

    • HOW DOES JULIA ALLISON PAD HER BIO?
      LET US COUNT THE WAYS …

      —– —– —– —– —–

      Julia [Allison, née Baugher] worked on a high profile congressional campaign, later becoming the youngest legislative correspondent in the DC office of a prominent Illinois Congressman during the 107th Congress.

      That’s a distinction without a difference! ~Dr. Phil McGraw
      —– —– —– —– —–

      Julia Allison was Wired Magazine’s best-selling cover of the year, save three.

      That’s a distinction without a difference! ~Dr. Phil McGraw
      —– —– —– —– —–

      My NYT piece on transformational festivals is #17 on the Most Emailed List!!! Ahhh!!

      That’s a distinction without a difference! ~Dr. Phil McGraw

      • I love Dr. Phil! So many people are dismissive of him, since he did not maintain his clinical license. Some people say he’s not a “real doctor,” but he has a phd so yeah he’s a “real doctor”! I’m sure he’s a total douchebag in real life, but his advice is devastatingly helpful. Over the years I have told several friends in need that “You teach people how to treat you” – Dr. Phil,” and people never appreciate it when I’m quoting Dr. Phil to them, but it’s true!

  33. Meanwhile if she took a half a second to check on people before she tagged them, she would see that Karen/Momvocado is hiking through an Amazon rainforest right now. I’m sure she really needs to be brayed at by her son’s stalker-ex that she should forward this stupid article to her friends and family. Cringe. She’s such a socially unaware clodhopper.

    • She’s just hoping that Momvocado will say, David honey, you shouldn’t have let that thuper thmart New York Times writer get away. Really, that’s all the line about mothers emailing the story is about. It’s an Avocado yoo hoo.

    • D0nk probably couldn’t be bothered to wish Momvocado a happy birthday, but she sure is willing to bother Momvocado on holiday to have her do her bidding.

  34. This is kind of OT to this post, but I’m still annoyed a few posts back.

    One of the many things I find hilarious about Julia Allison is how she dismisses entire groups of people. Like saying we all HAVE TO get away from curt hello’s in the office. What this sheltered moron doesn’t understand is that some people (take me for instance) are thrilled to have small talk at work because the rest of my life is full. I don’t need to “strongly connect” with every person I interact with on a daily basis. I connect with my kids, my husband, my IRL cat lady friend, even some co-workers (imagine!)…and then I’m happy to chit chat on the playground with another mom about the weather or school. Julia Allison must be the most exhausting person to be around. Total loser she is.

    • Yes. I guess I’m an ahole because I don’t have the energy or desire to be fully emotionally committed to every single person I come across, sorry.
      And I despise her constant “Everyone HAS TO…” or “People need to STOP…” (fill in the blank) statements. It blows my mind that she thinks she has the authority to dictate how free-willed humans should live their lives, according to her wishes and opinions.

    • Her life is so empty. Despite all her braying about OMG! so many functions to attend, she really has no idea what it’s like to be a genuinely busy person. I secretly rejoice every time my department hires a new person and they DON’T want to be bff with me. I know that sounds terrible but I really don’t have time to devote to lots of out-of-work socializing with coworkers these days, no matter how lovely they might be. Luckily most folks at my office seem to understand that, because they too are legitimately busy people.

      Julia Allison Baugher would prefer every person she passes in the hallway ask her for a mid-afternoon coffee and listen to her bray about herself for an hour, because she has nothing else to do in life.

    • i work; my kitten goes to a private school where most moms don’t — they are extremely involved with each other, and i just wave and keep going.

  35. I would probably be this excited to have my first piece in a major newspaper.

    In fact, back in 1998, I think I was.

    • Coincidentally that was my first year, too. And also coincidentally it was a paper then owned by the NYT.

      I ended up writing about fifty long feature articles for them for their Style monthly and writing a monthly column. I did this through about 2001 when a big corporate client came knocking and paid me fully 10x what they were paying.

      In another coincidence, my mother was thrilled with this and used to show the articles to all her friends. Truth be told, I kept doing it mostly because it pleased my mother so much, given that the pay was so low.

    • exactly. three years of daily newspaper work at my last paper, over 1k stories; then the internet happened and i was free.

  36. D0nk’s NYT’s article got a couple of twitter mentions — one just happens to be from a gaping-mawed beast whose only two tweets coincidentally promote none other than, you guessed it: D0nk! — even more coincidental: they bleat the ten principle same mantra.

    http://burners.me/2014/09/26/first-we-take-manhattan/
    ‘When it came to Obamacare, the writer Julia Allison offered a bit of advice: “If people took self-reliance”—one of the Ten Principles—“as a central tenet of health, we’d have people taking really good care of themselves. Since I’ve been to Burning Man, I haven’t gotten sick.”

    https://twitter.com/dezavis/with_replies
    DeZaVi @dezavis · 8h @d_seaman @JuliaAllison: The Progeny of Burning Man: Transformational Festival Culture – pls retweet! http://nyti.ms/Y9nzJL
    DeZaVi @dezavis · Sep 5 @joerogan Joe, pls do you research for Burning Man and the culture, 10 principles, etc and COME TO THE PLAYA!! Worth your time:) love you!!!

    BTW, thank Greg that Burning Man cured Julia Allison’s faked Ceiling Cat Disease, but doesn’t that also-fake revelation basically negate every claim she made about the ineffable magik of Devin Stetler, the Healing Chef?

  37. She really is on the cutting edge. Lightning in a Bottle has been going since 2006, Burning Man since 1997.

    Can’t wait for her article next year gushing over Arcade Fire.

    • Totally. That’s why this whole thing is confusing to me. I’m a million dead brain cells away from J School, but shouldn’t a newspaper feature about an event actually be published in the same timeframe as the event? Oh, thanks for STARTING THE CONVERSATION, Julia Moon Face, but everyone interested has said their piece and moved on. It just makes me laugh that she is boasting about this taking her 4 months. What a joke.

      • no doubt the first draft consisted of fauxtos taken by her of her and captions and fauxtos of her taken by others and captions

    • Real talk, though. I saw Arcade Fire over the summer and I think it’s the closest I’ve come to a religious experience.

  38. Well no shit her editor sent it back SEVEN times. That’s what it took to get the donkey voice out of it. She made it like 10 paragraphs before her first set of parentheticals. You know her first five drafts were a complete disaster. I would not be bragging about that if I was her.

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