PAID: Donkey Wrote An Article For the God Damn ‘New York Times’

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What the fucking fuck? Donkey somehow convinced the Paper of Record to let her spew bullshit about god damn fucking Burning Man, a god damn festival for rich, white people who have too much drugs and god damn time on their hands. God motherfucking dammit.

The Progeny of Burning Man

Burning Man Spawns New Age Festivals

It was 3 a.m. in Bradley, Calif., in the middle of a dusty dry lake bed, and Carl Weiseth, 33, was shoeless, shirtless and regaling a gathering crowd about last night’s escapade. “I didn’t make it back from the dance floor until the sun was starting to rise,” he told his audience, adding that he “passed out to the gentle vibrations of thumping electronic music for three to four hours.”

A 1960s Volkswagen van was painted with the words “Give Peace a Chance,” surrounded by fresh-faced bohemians sporting flower crowns, acid-washed jean shorts, seapunk teal-dyed hair and psychedelic leggings. “It’s the feather-and-leather crew,” one festivalgoer said.

To the casual observer, this post-New Age convergence of monumental art, all-night dancing and “Kumbaya” spirituality could be mistaken for Burning Man, the weeklong arts festival in the Nevada desert. But unlike Burning Man, which marked its 28th year last month, this festival called Lightning in a Bottle offers paid lecturers, headlining music acts like Moby, and V.I.P. packages with deluxe tents and fresh linens for $2,500.

“L.I.B. is one of the pinnacle festivals of West Coast conscious culture,” said Mr. Weiseth, using shorthand for Lightning in a Bottle, among a new type of gathering called “transformational festivals.” They could be described as the slightly smaller, psychedelic-art-and-electronic-dance-music-centered, commercialized progeny of Burning Man.

“It is the ultimate convergence of visionary art, electronic music, yoga, spirituality, nutrition, fashion and dance-culture, where people gather who appreciate both nature and spiritual consciousness, and who want to co-create an unpretentious dance party in celebration of sacred art and community,” added Mr. Weiseth, who attends dozens of similar festivals a year, where he sells handmade pinecone necklaces for upward of $360 under his lifestyle business, Third Eye Pinecones.

Held over four days in May and billed as a “heart and mind expanding oasis,” Lightning in a Bottle, in its ninth year, drew 15,000 participants, one of the largest and more influential of these festivals.

Such festivals have spread beyond their West Coast stronghold and now take place year-round throughout the United States, as well as Europe, Australia, New Zealand and Latin America. They are an amalgamation of several cultural forces: the rise of electronic dance music, the maturing of the rave culture, the popularity of TED-like talks, the mainstreaming of yoga, and the YOLO spirit of festivalgoers who spread the word on social media.

Unlike more mainstream music gatherings like Coachella and Lollapalooza (with their focus on pop music, celebrities, alcohol and fashion brands), transformational festivals embrace feel-good values like ecological sustainability, organic food, community building and wisdom sharing. With names like Beloved and Wanderlust, Envision and Lucidity, these festivals seem like bastions of the nouveau hippie, grandchildren-of-the-Woodstock generation. And, to a certain extent, they are.

At Archaic Revival, held June 6 in a plantation outside of Houston, revelers spent three days dancing (including a form called “Flowetry in Motion”), meditating at sunrise in a drug-and-alcohol-free zone. At Costa Rica’s Envision Festival, held last February in beachfront jungles, participants covered themselves in “healing mud,” chose among two dozen yoga instructors and bathed in bamboo showers with filtered water.

“This is not a retro-nostalgic Woodstock,” said Jeet-Kei Leung, 44, a documentary filmmaker from Vancouver, British Columbia, who has chronicled this scene in a web series called “The Bloom,” as well as in a 2010 TEDx talk. “This is a forward-thinking culture that is embracing social entrepreneurship, permaculture, spirituality, self-actualization and conscious living.”

It was the first day of Lightning in a Bottle, a blisteringly hot Thursday with temperatures over 95 degrees. A yellow school bus and trailer drove to the far end of the San Antonio Recreation Area, a lakeside camping ground in central California, and dropped off mounds of gear and festivalgoers, some in elaborate costumes.

Three men in animal-shaped onesies (a giraffe, a red bull and a white cartoonish character) inquired whether there was any chicken to eat. (There was not: It is officially a pescatarian festival.)

Attendees, clutching their still-charged iPhones, pored over the schedule. There would be countless opportunities to dance, do yoga, see art, sit in workshops, watch performances, listen to speakers and meet like-minded truth seekers.

Moby, Phantogram and the avant-garde circus troupe Lucent Dossier shared the five stages with acts like the Polish Ambassador and the Earth Harp. There were poets, Ayurvedic yogis, West African drummers, gong masters, professional hula hoopers and essential oil “wizards.”

For those seeking a more mind-expanding experience, there were more than 100 workshops and talks on topics like organic food (“Seitan for the Masses”), plant medicine (“Reishi Mushroom & Spiritual Consciousness”), gender studies (“The Art of Healthy Feminine Leadership”) and sex (“Tantric Lap Dance Workshop”).

Among the first-timers was Alicia Henry, 27, a model and actress from Los Angeles. She was lying under a tree on what is called Meditation Mountain, wearing a flower crown, a bindi, velvet olive floral fringe kimono and Minnetonka boots.

Accompanied by a group of friends from Venice, Calif., she had prepared for the festival by repeating her mantra, “Heart open, mind open.” She came to Lightning in a Bottle in search of a “magical, sacred experience,” she said.

That language of neo-spirituality and personal growth is common.

“This is a safe space — a space free of judgment, criticism, punishment,” said the effervescent Dream Rockwell, a festival founder, who was standing backstage while a man played a didgeridoo, an ancient Australian instrument. “Creativity is accepted in all forms. ‘No shirt, no shoes, no service’ obviously does not apply here.”

These festivals, after all, are billed as more than just a dance party in the woods.

“People are transformed every year,” said Jesse Flemming, another founder. “Their minds are completely blown by how nice people are to each other. They think, ‘If 15,000 people can be like this here, why can’t we be like this at home, instead of being mean.’ ” It may sound hippie, Mr. Flemming said, “but the world needs a little more of that,” adding, “Maybe with a little less tie-dye and patchouli.”

Maura Malini Hoffman, 49, a former Procter & Gamble executive who now gives spiritual talks at festivals, put it this way: “Transformation is about realizing there’s more to life than making money, having a good job, fame and fortune. People go to these and they’re never the same. They don’t just go back to eating McDonalds and watching TV.”

Even here, consumerist pressures exist. This year, organizers offered a luxury EZ Camping option. The $2,500 packages, which included a prefab tent, plush bed, cooler, private restrooms, power outlets and a “skinny mirror,” were sold out.

One of the luxury tents went to Misty Meeler, 29, an interior design assistant from Houston, who came with her 37-year-old sister. Ms. Meeler wore a gold headdress, rainbow bikini, a leather utility belt and purple leg warmers. Speaking through a heart-shaped dust mask, she explained that Coachella was too “Hollywood see-and-be-seen” for her taste. This festival, she said, “has a hippie scene that makes the whole experience better, whether you’re looking to eat healthy, live clean, meditate, yoga or want to party the whole four days with no sleep.”

By 4 a.m. on Sunday morning, an air of exhausted bliss had settled across the 250-acre festival site, and a small crowd had gathered at Amore’s Casino, a burlesque club set up in the middle of the festival.

The crowd included James Oroc, a writer from New Orleans, who was waxing philosophical. Best known for his psychedelic tome, “Tryptamine Palace,” he is an outspoken and sometimes cantankerous critic of festival culture.

At 6-foot-2, he cut an imposing figure, wearing a gunmetal fur robe, gold shoulder pads over a pinstripe suit, leather top hat and huge fossilized shark’s tooth necklace. A veteran of Burning Man, Mr. Oroc hadn’t been to this festival in a while and wanted to check in, he said. His verdict? The crowd was “very hip, very beautiful,” he said, though he was concerned that the festival had become too “fashion” and “very L.A.”

“You get a lot of Burners who haven’t actually been to Burning Man,” he said. “They just have the clothes.”

296 COMMENTS

  1. Great she’s a smug decoder ring for an event most of us don’t care about and those that do, don’t need Julia Allison’s out-of-touch Pez dispenser thesaurus raided writing to educate them.

    • This is better writing than every sentence in her shit piece, which is more bloated than her face.

    • OK, after a good night’s sleep the rage has dissipated and I can safely say that anything that’s on the front of the NYT Styles section and is reported by Julia Allison Baugher can safely be written off as over. So this means that Burning Man has a very limited shelf life at this point, which can only be a good thing, right?

      Silver linings! The Styles section is notoriously three-to-five years behind what happened last week, and Julia is stuck in an episode of Saved by the Bell crossed with Sex and the City, so once this be-tutu’d hack manages to get her dusty hooves on some cultural happening, it’s a fair bet that the happening done already happened. So maybe this hippie griftfest is finally petering out and I won’t have to listen to people drone on about it anymore.

      Also, can we talk about how disingenuous it is to sell BM as some wholesome transformative experience (not like all those OTHER festivals, says a donkey!) when it’s really an excuse for white people to go into the desert and play dress-up while on mushrooms. “It’s just like a Vision Quest! No, theriouthly!”

    • That was my favorite part too, (of all the parts I could stand to read). “Third eye pine cone” as a business name is just my dumb Julia dream come true.

  2. I have to say, if this is supposed to make people WANT to go to this thing, it does a piss-poor job. It sounds tiresome as all get out. Plus I like how she bags on Coachella despite never having been – because believe me, you would know if she had. Anyone who thinks Coachella is all about alcohol and not weed has absolutely no clue about anything.

  3. Addendum: These festivals are transformative in that, some people marry themselves and transform themselves into higher states of being; thus, they no longer feel the need to stalk their dj exes, dig up and post letters from college years, and/or cry into their frosting about not being able to play intimacy games with their partner, (because, alas, their partner is loneliness.. get it?) Oh wait, lol.

    p.s. This article reeks of the smell of a thousand backspaces. Congrats, editor!

    • They are transformative in that they transform your wallet, which used to have money in it, into a wallet with no money in it.

      • They’re transformative in that a basic suburban white girl can put on a bindi and turkey feathers and the same rainbow-colored polyester crap from the same costume store where all the other suburban white girls shop, and be transformed into a clueless poseur.

    • While it’s true that the Style section publishes some dumbass shit, I shudder to think of the harried editor over at the Grey Lady trying to make sense of quotes like:

      “People are transformed every year,” said Jesse Flemming, another founder. “Their minds are completely blown by how nice people are to each other. They think, ‘If 15,000 people can be like this here, why can’t we be like this at home, instead of being mean.’ ”

  4. Well, fuck.

    Doesn’t really matter if it’s a bad article, does it?

    Opportunities like this (why, why does she get them?) are the reason she NEVER hits the bottom of the barrel. Just keep spiraling down the drain perpetually, Julia. This is why she never learns.

    She’ll be calling herself a writer for the NYT now.

    Julia, you’re sick.

  5. I can just see it now, NYT writer bragged about adnauseum. Where the fuck is the karma this NPD donkey deserves? I am sure her parents still can’t show their faces at the club.

      • Oh I’m sure Peter Baugher, father of Julia Allison, is just as proud of daughter’s newest win as he was the day she married herself in the desert with pedophile Mark Gafni (Rabbi Marc Gafni), Mordechai Winiarz, Mordechai Gafni looking on. In fact I bet her underoos wedding photo is posted proudly at Illinois Humanity Council or on the walls of the Chicago Tribune.

  6. This is sadder than I expected. It’s not her writing style. This was very heavily edited. Not a surprise, but the work wasn’t acceptable. It also makes it sound lame.

  7. THAT was written by an editor, I would bet the house. JA provided details and a few bones, and an editor wrote it. I know so many people in that business, and they all sound just like this.

    • I hate thinking of her adding NYT journalist to her biography (no resumes for donkeys) but how in the world will that be in a print edition tomorrow? If nothing else, I expect the Times to be timely and wasn’t “lightening” in a bottle the dumb festival for dummies that she went to in May or June?

      It is also a yoohoo Avocado, because he definitely played at it and it may be the one she danced in waxy white lipstick and filthy white hoof warmers.

      • Just think, if they give her a second article she can add “New York Times Columnist” to her “bio”..

      • Just forgettable dross for the Style section. The upside of non-time-sensitive short pieces like these is that editors can hold them in reserve for a day their other content is skimpy.

        • Maybe THAT explains her disappointing ph awhile back? If that’s the case, I’d like to think that she was told that it might be published more than two+ months down the road, after brand new interns had a go at making sense of it — sure would explain the lack of build up on her part.

      • Serious question, cuz I can’t be arsed to listen to her:
        Isn’t Taylor Swift considered pop?

        I think it’s the ratio of misfits vs cute & tiny’s that drives Julia Allison’s love for BM vs her seething disdain for Coachella.

        • Oh yes , Swifty is very pop- I was being facetious. Agreed- hates Coachella because tiny hipstery lovely things are dancing with her boyfriends Ashton, Milo, and John. She will never be cool.

    • She says, “As simple as the piece may look on first glance, I conducted approximinately 30 interviews, went through literally 7 drafts with my editor over the course of four months, and many, many, many hours of musing over transformational festival culture and how it is dramatically impacting our world.”

      First, approximinately?

      Second, what the fuck NYT editor is willing to work with a writer for four months and go through seven drafts? I’ve worked at big daily papers, and that is almost completely unheard of. I hope she got a lot of shoes for all the blow-jobs she gave to get that piece published.

  8. No mention whatsoever of drug use. Um, err…oops?

    So heavily edited. But she will never let anyone forget this happened.

    • I think that was the most annoying thing about this — sooooo disingenuous to not report that drug use is a major draw for these festivals. No, here’s it’s all about “transformation” and “clean living.”

  9. This article contains no “I”, “me”, or “my.” Donk definitely did not write it, or if she did it was a huge struggle and there was a lot of editing.

    Also the NYT published that ridiculous racist Shonda Rhimes “angry black woman” article so they are made of suck anyway.

  10. Oh, great.

    Now she is NEVER gonna stop reminding everybody for no reason that she once wrote something for the New York Times.

    “Julia Allison, New York Times columnist and donkey extraordinaire…”

    • I agree with you, but I don’t think she can write “New York Times columnist…” since she doesn’t have a weekly column, just wrote one article.

      Not that I expect THAT to stop her, or anything.

      Also (slightly OT) what you really want (as a writer) is: NYT bestselling author… let’s see her finagle that one.

  11. She knew that woo zen hippie shit would pay off someday! She’s famous againn! She’s FAAMOOOOOOUSSSSSSSSSSS AAAGGGaIIIINNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 again!! Break out your condom dresses, haters!!! Dance around your pottery barn kids living room!! oooo-ittt oooo-ittt!

  12. Well, did Alicia Henry find a “magical, sacred experience” or not?

    At Costa Rica’s Envision Festival, held last February in beachfront jungles, participants covered themselves in “healing mud,” chose among two dozen yoga instructors and bathed in bamboo showers with filtered water.

    Such a weird-ass, disjointed & jumbled read — those yoga instructors were ‘chose among’ but THEN WHAT?

      • The point of mentioning the yoga instructors is lost on me (yes, I assume yoga instruction happened), but that’s not my point.

        Look at it this way: ‘… participants covered themselves in “healing mud” and bathed in bamboo showers with filtered water.’

        No, I just don’t follow what ‘chose among two dozen yoga instructors’ has to do w/ it. Not at all.

        • You’re right, her poor choice and order of examples doesn’t make it clear that these are three separate unrelated things, and that the mud and shower aren’t somehow connected.

        • I see your point.

          Revision:

          Participants could choose from any number of soothing rituals, to help calm and reenergize a body and mind burnt out by the demands of modern life.

          Activities include a ‘healing mud’ cleansing ritual, bathing with filtered water at the bamboo showers or a yoga class where you can select from 20 different instructors for your own private session.

    • If there isn’t an I, Me or My in every sentence I will never believe she wrote it.

    • At the very least, I want to see the original draft. Some poor editor really earned their check. It’s not great, but it’s not her trademark(invisibleellipsesparenthetical)word vomit.

      I also should say I didn’t read this past the second paragraph.

        • I read it quickly and it didn’t seem like her writing style at all. So who wrote it?

          “Every word she writes is a lie, including “and” and “the.”

          Do we start Googling for phrases? Run it through Grammerly?

          • Ohhh I do not know of this Grammerly (I carved on a stone tablet in college) and clearly still live under one now. DO IT!

      • You may end up seeing it. Remember when she used to post the unedited versions of her TONY stories because she resented them being cut down? She’s probably on some level seething if they cut out mention of her and/or David Block, which I am guessing they might have done, and we’ll see the unedited version at some point if only to impress Avocado.

    • Also tome and effervescent and a few other glaring donkeyisms, but this was heavily, heavily edited and it reads like shit.

    • Yeah it’s heavily edited, but you can still smell her cunt smugness throughout the piece.

  13. 1. This makes me soooo angry. There are so many talented writers in this world (many of them comment here) and this bitch gets to write an article for the NYT?
    2. NYT is loosing its credibility fast. First the terrible racist Shonda Rhimes and now hiring The Donkey to write an actual piece for them…not good NYT….
    3. We are going to have to hear about this for eternity. This will only add fuel to her idiot poetic postings she’s been spewing lately. Let the eye rolling begin…
    4. If she even wrote any of this it is by idea only. This piece, although completely boring and pointless, has not a single thing similar to Julia’s style of writing.
    5. This is delaying her inevitable psychotic break and I totally thought it was about to hit.
    I’m feeling lots of anger towards the JABA today.

    • Right there with you.

      It shows that it really is who you know, which ok I guess but seriously, you cannot tell me that SOMEONE at the new york fucking TIMES is unaware of a donkey’s complete lack of credibility.

      Then again, as you said – they continue to employ Alessandra Stanley who is basically a donkey with a slightly better work ethic. And do not even get me started on Maureen smugface Dowd, because fuck her in every orifice.

      ugh so mad about this I could spit nails

    • aww sweetie you sound like you have the jellies.. it’s ok, it’s natural, but dont forget you are a well adjusted, ethical writer with friends and family and catpeeps who love you. dont ever be jealous of what a donkey gets. kim jong il part 2 has money and absolute power, but you wouldnt want to trade places with him!

      when donkey scores a ‘win’ like this, it only serves to help me contrast that with the rest of her life, which is terribly sad, empty, and psychopathic. sure, she can brag all she wants about this, but the reality is she didnt write it. what true writer could live with themselves knowing their “big break” wasnt even their own work? why, it’d be enough to drive someone with class to suicide.

      • Not original OP but since my feelings of rage are similar, I’ll chime in: I have no jellies to speak of about this article. I do have a case of blind rage at the unfairness of it, though. I do not want an article like this for myself but I think of the dozens incredibly talented writers who come from working class or poor backgrounds and will never have the connections to reach this level. I know several myself. This is especially true for women of color writers who have to fight against ingrained stereotypes in media (esp. in regards to “tone” and topics they can cover) in addition to not having the network to reach this type of publication. Fuck this nepotism and air headed shit in a major global platform. Fuck it.

          • Nah. She bugged Nick Bilton about getting an intro to his editor, then pitched the piece on the strength of her book deal.

            Same difference, different route through the web o’ privilege.

            Every Princetonian of Dadsers’s age at the NYT has either taken a buyout or is at a higher level than making $200-400 filler decisions for the weekday Style section.

      • Didn’t earn it
        Didn’t write it
        And no doubt is screaming g at the editors for the edits

        Expecting corrections in 3,2,1

        A piece on the transformational power of festivals failed to include anything at all about how they have transformed a donkey from a vile lying creature into a worse one

  14. “It was 3 a.m. in Bradley, Calif., in the middle of a dusty dry lake bed, and Carl Weiseth, 33, was shoeless, shirtless and regaling a gathering crowd about last night’s escapade. “I didn’t make it back from the dance floor until the sun was starting to rise,” he told his audience, adding that he “passed out to the gentle vibrations of thumping electronic music for three to four hours.””

    Uh, what is interesting or special about this? That someone danced until dawn? How would this ordinary fact be enough to “regale” a “gathering crowd”?

    I fucking hate her guts for shit like this.

    • That timeline … at 3:00 a.m. “last night” is up until midnight, right? So the sun hasn’t yet come up … so this imaginary character is “regaling” his crowd about the day before?

      It’s painful trying to make sense of gibberish she writes. Poor editor.

      • Right, I know. He’s regaling a gathering crowd of people who also very likely stayed up all night with a story about how he stayed up all night the night before. Wow. What an ineffably special moment that was you just had to make it your lede.

  15. ““L.I.B. is one of the pinnacle festivals of West Coast conscious culture,” said Mr. Weiseth…”

    Pinnacle is not an adjective.

    • Just more evidence that Donkey is not a writer. And to think this was heavily edited, just think how bad the original she turned in must have read..

      • Think maybe book people got her this one gig one time to try and make her seem legit? She did not get this on her own merit this much we know.

        • No. Book people do not get writers (esp unpublished book authors) journalism gigs. Or, at least, not that I have ever heard of… (but as All Things Donks — who knows?)

          • Sometimes we (meaning me and my publicity-managers-in-the-business) get authors op-eds and/or features related to their books or area of expertise. So it’s not entirely impossible. Still, if they think this will help her, she’s been sharing her stash of ayahuasca.

        • Nick Bilton. Though I’m sure she mentioned the
          OMG Book Contract! to the editor as part of the pitch.

          • And remember that on paper she has a résumé. “Nick Bilton said I should pitch you this piece on how the Burning Man concept is taking off at other transformational festivals around the country. I’ve been researching these for a book on happiness, coming from St. Martin’s in Fall 2015; I’ve written about Burning Man in the past for the Chicago Tribune.”

            That sounds legit as hell, and is factually correct (though her BM piece for the Trib was BS). For a short filler “Style” piece, especially with a staff referral, the editor is going to say, “Sure, try it!”

    • I know, right? She always fucks up like-sounding words / phrases (No one expects the Spanish Interrogation!) — suppose he actually said: ‘penultimate’?

    • If she was actually anybody other than herself I would assume she was quoting him directly and that HE didn’t know how to use the word. Which, actually, could be true.

  16. ““It is the ultimate convergence of visionary art, electronic music, yoga, spirituality, nutrition, fashion and dance-culture, where people gather who appreciate both nature and spiritual consciousness, and who want to co-create an unpretentious dance party in celebration of sacred art and community,” added Mr. Weiseth, who attends dozens of similar festivals a year, where he sells handmade pinecone necklaces for upward of $360 under his lifestyle business, Third Eye Pinecones.”

    Run-on sentence from hell.

  17. “Held over four days in May and billed as a “heart and mind expanding oasis,” Lightning in a Bottle, in its ninth year, drew 15,000 participants, one of the largest and more influential of these festivals.”

    Um, no. Words missing.

    • It makes me crazy, sentences written in passive voice and – lumbering about like a China-smashing mixed-metaphor in a “bull market” — encumbered by a superfluidity of details which are, ultimately, collage-pasted influentially brick-a-brack onto a desiccated skeleton of an idea.

  18. “They are an amalgamation of several cultural forces: the rise of electronic dance music, the maturing of the rave culture, the popularity of TED-like talks, the mainstreaming of yoga, and the YOLO spirit of festivalgoers who spread the word on social media.”

    The only reason “Ted-like” talks are involved is so grifters can sell their snake oil courses at these festivals to hordes of gullible people with below-average IQs.

    • The maturing rave culture”.. So those ravers with pant legs that could five five people from the 2nd half of the 90’s are somehow driving this movement? The few I know are married with kids now..

    • WTF does ‘the mainstreaming of yoga’ even mean?

      Methinks special-needs D0nk was mainstreamed prematurely …

  19. ““You get a lot of Burners who haven’t actually been to Burning Man,” he said. “They just have the clothes.””

    Makes no sense since this is an article about a stand-alone festival not affiliated with Burning Man. Why even include this quote in the article? If this is such a transformational self-contained event, why would it matter if one had been to Burning Man or not?

    • Attending Burning Man adds coolness points. This is all just ego shit from the enlightened crowd, who are supposed to have evolved beyond such bullshit.

    • For a festival free of judgment, that last guy she quoted seems to be calling out many of the attendees as poseurs. There may not be judgment in Black Rock City, but Judgy McHippie in his gunmetal fur robe seems to have no problem doling it out outside the Playa.

  20. This is by far some of the worst writing ever to appear in the New York Times.

  21. How totally irresponsible and biased of her not to mention the role of drugs as part of these festivals, especially since she calls out alcohol as a part of other festivals, and does it in a pejorative way.

    • JFAing to say..not to mention that alcohol imbibing is a HUGE part of Burning Man and allowed at some of the other crunchy granola festivals.

    • Exactly. She doesn’t portray the uglier side of these festivals at all, probably because she wants to use this NYT piece as a ticket to get into them all for free for the rest of eternity.

        • JAFing myself. From the article:

          This year [writer refers to 2012], I saw all the posts about how 2012 was by far the best burn ever, and then I saw a very different post entitled “Serial Rapist on the Playa.” Upon reading the blog entry, I became aware that a 19-year-old girl was strangled, drugged, and raped one night on the playa this year. According to the blog, she was found face down behind Emerald City seemingly overdosing. The people who found her assumed she had overdosed and took her to the medical tent. After being attached to an IV all night, they released her. Upon returning to her tent, the bruises that appeared made it clear she had been strangled and raped.

          • THAT was two years ago … no one on Planet Donkey still cares, & your concern is worrisome.

          • Brayella, why would anyone in their right mind look into these old rapes when there is a pedophile priest to conduct a self wedding? I sometimes get carried away and deviate from the things that REALLY matter in Donkeyland.

        • Wow — four edits / five versions of commentary from her on that one post, & they just get wordier & more addled.

          Smoke a bowl & calm the fuck down, D0nk!

  22. WHO IS SHE BLOWING FOR THIS SHIT

    Oh my greg this ridiculous creature has managed to get more breaks than any 500 talented and deserving people. I guess our Kardashian Kulture has decreed that she who brays the loudest and wears the tackiest tutus is the winner who gets published in the NEW YORK FUCKING TIMES. I just cannot. I CANNOT.

    /brayge

    • It’s a great opportunity, and an actual writer would follow up with more articles.

      If she publishes another article in the next six months, I will be astonished.

        • God, I was REALLY hoping for her to glom on to that Destorm guy and be his “video ho” and get all strong empowered black woman on our asses. Would pay money to see her fake that.

          #whitegirlgangsigns #unconventionalinterracialrelationships #soevolved #notracist

  23. Julia is trying to hide her errection with that red bow shit in front of her..

  24. While this is a poorly written puff piece, it’s miles better than anything I’d associate with her current style, which reads as if Effie Trinket were communicating with Henry James via a Ouija Board with a drinking problem.

    There is only one actual passage which seems in keeping with her usual drivel:

    “This is a safe space — a space free of judgment, criticism, punishment, (1)” said the effervescent (2) Dream Rockwell, a festival founder, who was standing backstage while a man played a didgeridoo, an ancient Australian instrument (3).

    1. Bullshit. A quote, but still bullshit.
    2. Effervescent.
    3. Well, hell’s bells. I thought it was a Korean pinball machine.

    • I don’t think so. She’d be too worried about people asking about pedophile rapist rabbi, drugs, etc. She only wants to hear pretty things (voices in her head)

    • I am picturing you staring into the distance with a stunned look on your face as you posted this, ks.

    • The whole idea of calling this “progeny” is silly, and she used it just because it thoundth tho thmart to say that instead of spin-offs or clones or some other term that isn’t as pretentious.

  25. When I read “transformational festivals” I see an ocean of smelly white people dressed like gay hobbits at a rummage sale pretending to be black/asian talking in gibberish.

  26. How funny–the owners of Lightning in a Bottle (operating as The Do Lab, an event production company) have had a stage for the last 10 years at…Coachella.

    “Aside from showcasing electronic music artists throughout Southern California, The Do LaB is well known for creating unique art installations/stages and curating cutting edge acts at Coachella in addition to producing Southern California’s premiere boutique music festival, Lightning in a Bottle, and the game changing 2012 Winter Solstice event The Great Convergence at the pyramids of Giza in Egypt.”

    http://www.la.com/coachella/ci_25578191/do-lab-is-celebrating-their-10th-year-at

  27. TL; DR, so OT: Someone exhibits some pretty assholic behavior (toward another person) in front of you. It’s bad enough to make you want to temporarily cut off contact with them, and after a short while you tell them. Then they get shocked and act all hurt because while they acknowledge that their behavior in that situation “wasn’t the best,” they “did nothing to you.” You maintain that you just don’t want to see them for some time. A couple of texts and emails follow, including some half-assed / misplaced apologies and (simultaneously equal parts) hints that “maybe you want to get rid of me for other reasons and are just using this as a pretext” (you’re not). Who’s the asshole here?

      • Hmm, good question. Almost, but not really, I would say. Basically, it’s, “yeah, I know I shouldn’t treat people like that, but I have issues, and it’s not that big of a deal, and I didn’t really mean it anyway, plus I told you I had issues.” Acknowledging that you have “issues” doesn’t mean that you can expect everything you do to be tolerated, IMO.

    • The other party is the asshole!!! The proper response is mortified apologeticness. Anything less & they are just trying to justify their shittiness by making you feel bad.

      • I wasn’t even looking for apologies because it’s true that nothing was done “to me.” Still, the guy has actually said “I’m so sorry” several times, but it seems to be “so sorry you feel that way” and not “so sorry I did that.” Which, meh anyway. I also don’t appreciate being told repeatedly that I’m “blowing this shit completely out of proportion” and asked “do you really believe I deserve this?” when all I’m doing is taking a break. I didn’t call you Hitler, guy. And I don’t hate you for your bulimia, either.

        • those quotes sound like the littlest, bitchiest little bitch the planet has yet served up. YES he deserves it and NO you’re not blowing it out of proportion. You are free to see whom you wish to see & cut dead whom you wish to cut dead. Fuck this dude.

          The only thing you’re doing wrong is making the break temporary. Permanent that shit.

  28. Sorry Burning Man and offshoots, you’ve just been killed by a donkey.

    Tacky tone-deaf suburban hick places piece of uncertain authorship about “transformational festivals” in central organ of the establishment? Yep, you’re dead.

  29. The funniest thing about this piece is that you know she submitted 100 photos of herself to be published with it and they didn’t use any.

    I don’t care about the fact that she got this published. She’ll never make a living as a journalist. It’s just another one off in a life full of them.

  30. Full marks from me to a donkey.

    a. She managed to keep herself and David Block out of the story, which is shocking.

    b. There were only a few parentheses.

    c. She actually did something concrete with the latest thing she’s obsessed with and can perhaps pay back Daddy some of his money with the couple of hundred dollars that she must have made for this piece. There’s a good little girl!!

        • A ton but still not enough.

          Donkey needs to learn that “tome” is not a synonym for any book. Also needs to learn that a lede should somehow be remotely interesting and strong. Should present a stronger case for the merits of her subject. Should not whitewash the subject and omit important counterpoints. And on and on.

          Journalist, my fucking ass. This is even too weak for a crowdsourced Forbes piece.

          • I’m sorry if this is a silly question (ss;sf) but I feel like most pieces on news sites / in newspapers are written in present tense. Wondering if it’s odd that this is in past tense or if the past tense is just jumping out at me because it’s Donk?

    • She must have included something on her lovership, DJ Avocado, in the original draft. But after he dumped her, she pulled a ‘well, I’ll show HIM’, and asked the editor to remove any mention of his name or music.

  31. Weird.. Last night along with the current profile pic, she had written: “Posting this profile shot in honor of a big step in my journalism career … happening TOMORROW! I danced around my living room all morning SO excited.

    Photo by the ever talented Michael Hoy, shot at my home in Marina del Rey, April 2013”

    And now the caption is deleted. But, edited. So, not actually deleted.

  32. One of my colleagues received a cold sales call yesterday from a Dr. Vaj, who is hoping to become our Brand Mystic.
    I work for a mainstream hotel company. Not that the trendy hotel brands of the world are frantically seeking fortune tellers, but, I can’t imagine a lazier prospecting call than the one this yahoo placed. It is probably the only actual work they perform, but the criminals JA associates with seem to research their marks.
    After reading Julia’s “article,” I wonder if Dr. Vaj’s tone deaf sales pitch was less hilarious and more foreboding. Woo is coming. Prepare logic and reason accordingly.

    If you’re in the mood to procrastinate, I recommend looking Doc Vaj up. Just viewing her LinkedIn will shift your paradigm.

    Chief Navigating Officer (CNO)
    Abracadabra Alchemy®
    July 1998 – Present (16 years 3 months)Planet Earth

    • What, you didn’t like the other hard-hitting Style journalism like “Publications See Pintrest as Key Ally” and the piece about gloves?

        • How about Alessandra’s Stanley’s totally insightful and not at all tone deaf or racist article about Angry Black Ladies?

          • There is just SO MUCH to choose from. Let’s not forget the esteemed Judith Miller.

          • I was just picking stuff from the Donkey-adjacent articles in today’s paper above. She spent four months on a “Stuff White People Like” throwaway that went above the fold from “iPhones Too Bendy, Customers Complain” and “Fashion’s Latest Innovation: The Glove”.

    • Some quick thoughts. There is nothing more unintentionally funny than the NYT “style” section. When they’re in top form, a piece can be as hilarious as anything in the old Spy Magazine from the 1990s, e.g., that recent profile of Hilaria Baldwin, in which her trumpeted New Year’s resolution is to post a daily Instagram photo of herself doing a yoga pose … Julie’s puff piece should have come out months ago, was no doubt heavily edited, but I still have no intention of reading this drivel … every dirtbag hippie in the slideshow was white, lily white.

      • THIS. A few months ago, right after they lost a majority of their fashion vets, they did a puff piece on Girls and had a picture of Jenna Lyon. The caption said that Girls gave JL “street cred.” Wrong on so many levels.

  33. So, cue the white knights who will be coming here in droves to do the Nelson HA HA thing and accuse us of being jealous.

    I’m actually happy to see this happen. If this is the kind of crap they’ll pay for and publish, then hell, I’ll start sending them story pitches.

    Donkey’s ego trip about this will keep her so manic that we’ll be sure to experience peak-level cuntiness and cray for a very long time.

    • Yep, it is what it is. If this is what they publish, then OK, they publish a fluff piece by A Donkey who went to a festival years after it started. Milli Vanilli got a Grammy. Bad actors have received Oscars. As Lu Ann said of Alex’s “Herman Munster” shoes, “Even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes.”

      One short article does not a journalism career make. But you know what? Maybe… just maybe… it can make a little girl smile for months and months to think she did a weal job like a weal gwown-up.

      That little girl’s name is Rainbow. And she is my gift to you.

      I hope my gift brightens your day. Maybe… just maybe… it will make you smile, too. And you know what? THAT what life is truly about, my friend, inexorably and ineffably.

      I leave you with that thought. LIFE is all about LIFE. And maybe… just maybe… amid all the turmoil and heartbreak and hearts seared open and hearts seared shut and smashed on the ground and smashed open… maybe, if we’re lucky, we will smile.

      And now, dear friend, I smile for you. I leave you with that thought. OK, now I’m really leaving. Namaste.

      That’s the thought I leave for you.

      xo Donks

  34. Still curious why there isn’t a huge brag here, when this is actually something the Ellsberg’s et al might be impressed with. VS. Gawker making fun of her self-marriage, which she bragged about twice. I still think it might be b/c the final product wasn’t what she expected…? (ie, Facebook garbage drivel)

    • Yes. She actually has something to brag about and she’s not doing it.

      And neither are the Woos. If only your haters notice, did you really get published on NYTimes Online?

      I know this, if I got published under the NYT masthead my Sister, my Mom, my husband, girlfriends—that thing would have been shared.

    • I bet she’s miffed that so much of her idiotic “style” was edited out. Not enough to complain out loud, though, but maybe she’s burning up the lines to the NYT as we speak.

    • there must have been some sort of draconian contract involved. Do people often brag ahead of time that there’s an article by them coming out? Or do they normally stay quiet until it hits?

  35. looks like she left out the part when some nice, enlightened person at the festival stole her beloved bear coat.

  36. Might be a good time for one of us writerly types to submit some articles about the insidiousness of the woowoo grifter culture.

    • Four months …
      Seven drafts …
      One unintelligible article …

      WHAT’S THE PLAN NOW, JULIA???

      • Wait, what? Seven drafts and four months for a $400 short feature?

        Honey, no. I mean, I am an invalid who’s been working on the same goddamned novel for years, and I publish more PAID words of journalithm* a month than you’ll do in ten years at this rate.

        * Book reviewth, which are eathier, I admit.

        • Posted at 2:00 p.m., when D0nk arose …

          So …. BIG BIG BIG news! My first New York Times byline was published today, front page of the Styles section, above the fold, about Lightning in a Bottle, the transformational festival I covered for the Times in May.

          As simple as the piece may look on first glance, I conducted approximinately 30 interviews, went through literally 7 drafts with my editor over the course of four months, and many, many, many hours of musing over transformational festival culture and how it is dramatically impacting our world.

          I’m so proud to show you the final piece: “The Progeny of Burning Man: Transformational festivals emerge as a petri dish for art and culture in America.”

          Keep in mind one thing: There is so much more to say about the power and impact of festival culture – this is just the beginning. But thank god the conversation is happening!

          • That kind of piece should take four days, not four months. She is so fucking inept.

            But it’s all to maintain the cargo cult career so Dadsers keeps the checks coming, so kudos to Julie! Big score!

          • She is VERY PROUD of herself, mmmmkay?

            The I’d-like-to-thank-the-Academy tone of her comments to her own posting, is so pathetisad…

          • Huh. I got nothing from that piece that transformational festivals are dramatically impacting our world. Reads like a bunch of annoying people getting together to party and listen to shitty music.

          • She “covered” it for the Times? As in they sent her there to cover it for hard-hitting journalistic purposes? Or is it that she pitched and “wrote” a PR-laden feature story/puff piece for a festival she attended four months ago?

            Why is everything she does just so…off?

          • approximinately!

            Such a great journalist that she can’t even use the right words on a fucking Facebook post.

            I love this so much I’m adding it to my screen name

          • “As simple as the piece may look on first glance, I conducted approximinately 30 interviews, went through literally 7 drafts with my editor over the course of four months, and many, many, many hours of musing over transformational festival culture and how it is dramatically impacting our world.”

            “It seems stupid, but it really isn’t, because it took a lot of time.”

            Also, Mr. Silkypaws tells me that “impact” is not a verb.

          • “Impacted” used as a verb is my pet peeve. It’s used in news copy all the damn time and it never fails to set my teeth on edge.

        • She’s talking about the seven drafts and four months as if this is a good thing.

          Oh, honey. No.

          You’ll never write for them again.

  37. She used the word “Approximinately.” Also, in the comments:

    “And thank you to my always-beloved (but no longer officially beloved, LOL) David Block for inspiring me to pitch the story in the first place. I wouldn’t have done it without him. Love you, sweetie.”

    Eeek.

    • as a stalker, this “always-beloved (but no longer officially beloved, LOL)” is TERRIFYING. like, you broke up with me but I didn’t break up with you! We’ll always have each other, or, at least, I will possess you!

        • She has already posted two Facebook statuses about the new article and then went into full manic mode and commented on her own posting like 27 times, one of them is that really creepy bunny-boiling reference to her “beloved” but-not-really-beloved Avocado.

          Leave that poor man alone, Donkey! He has MOVED ON and so should you.

  38. New commenter here. I can’t hold out any longer…

    I’ll be honest – I don’t write, I don’t really read the “news”, and I don’t ever read the NYT, but know that this article is complete garbage. This isn’t even Rolling Stone Online level writing. Even if I didn’t know *Jew-lia* (as she recently referred to herself in writing, and yes, the asterisk-stars were included – HOW FUCKING OLD ARE WE?), I’d be irritated after reading this stupid fucking article. It’s insulting to the average person’s intelligence, it’s insulting to me as a festivalgoer, and it’s insulting to festivals and their culture.

    What? Festivals emerge as “petri dish” – shouldn’t it be “festivals emerge as petri dishes?” Do things emerge as petri dishes, or out of petri dishes? I’m so confused.

    “You get a lot of Burners who haven’t actually been to Burning Man,” he said. “They just have the clothes.” Why would you ever end an article that is (according to Jew-lia) supposed to be a positive article promoting transformational festivals, with a statement portraying LIB’s festival-goers as wanna-be Burners who have never been? Am I reading this wrong?

    And four months to write it? Why would one ever include that fact in humble brag post? This article is so embarrassingly untimely, it hurts. It’s like posting a review of a lame fucking new year’s eve party in May. I am literally embarrassed for her because I know that if I published something four months later, I would be.

    “Even here, consumerist pressures exist. This year, organizers offered a luxury EZ Camping option. The $2,500 packages, which included a prefab tent, plush bed, cooler, private restrooms, power outlets and a “skinny mirror,” were sold out.”

    Jew-lia seems fascinated with the $2,500 camping – did it need to be mentioned twice? People who actually pay for this shit are, most often, the people that no one really wants there (aside from the festival promoters collecting their cash), because they’re usually fake as fuck…but to Jew-lia, they’ve been transformed, because they’re wearing Burning Man clothes and rainbows and went to seminars about mushrooms and sex! What. The. Fuck.

    I am genuinely confused as to whether she is trying to make festival promoters hate her, but not worried because I am sure they already do.

    • ” This article is so embarrassingly untimely, it hurts. It’s like posting a review of a lame fucking new year’s eve party in May.” HAHA Kudos for summarizing JA’s “media career” so succinctly.

    • Are you suggesting that she grifted her $2,500 plush camping area by telling them they’d get a mention in the NYT and grabbed herself another free spot next year already? Sounds like her. Maybe they paid to have this article written. I honestly tried to read it three times and can’t get past the first two lines. Plus everyone here re-wrote it better already.

  39. this reminds me of when I was a teen and I got an article published in the local newspaper (the SoundLife weekend crapfold) about some local bands I liked. boy I thought I was hot shit for a few days. I never followed up on that either. its easy as fuck to write about what you are currently interested in. try writing something on contract from someone else.

    fucking seal claps all around julia. go binge on some chocolate bars you special, special girl.

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