As Donk Goes Silent at OMG Burning Man OMG As She Prepares For Her ‘Wedding,’ Let’s Imagine What She’ll Crowd-Source Upon Her Return

299
273

Julia-Allison-2-1

Here’s my contribution. Add yours in the comments! Winner gets a prize of a wish box, an ice-cream coupon and some gently used fashion magazines.

“Does anyone in the San Francisco area have a really amazing, gluten-free, homeopathic doctor who specializes in … umm … burning warts off anuses gently and with a spiritual, loving and fully actualized approach? For an article I’m working on for the Economist!”

 

299 COMMENTS

  1. Well, San Francisco was hit with a quake, sooooo…she’ll probably need help with everything. And where is Lily?

        • Smug bitch. Guess she was out of NYC and sleeping on other people’s couches by then.

        • What was Julia Allison’s bitchy tweet about Hurricane Sandy & ‘get over it’ or something to that effect? I can’t find it now …

        • What a thundercunt. I’m sure she didn’t think about the people in critical condition or the businesses or houses that suffered property damage. I mean, I’m in the city, so it just woke up and freaked me out (I’m terrified of earthquakes, and I’ve lived through quite a few), but there’s no need to be a psycho hosebeast about it. But then again, can the Donk be anything else?

      • Being from the west coast, I have been through many earthquakes (including this one), but the one she references in her tweet was my most terrifying. I work four blocks away from the Capitol. My building was swaying after the shock. I knew in my mind that it was an earthquake, but the rest of my body was saying HOLY SHIT SOMEONE IS BLOWING UP THIS CITY

        She is the worst.

    • The quake was up in Napa so SF proper didn’t get a lot of action. Too bad since Donkey is on landfill and the liquification of her apartment foundation would have been delicious to bring out the cray. In 1989 they wouldn’t let people go back to their homes for weeks.

      • Have you learned nothing from our Julia? Somehow she will make that earthquake about her and it will be the tragedy to end all tragedies.

      • Woke up at 3 am to the house wiggling around for a good long time. Later saw the damage at the wineries up in Napa. RIP poor innocent bottles of wine.

  2. Looking for an AMAZING dog sitter in the Bay Area, preferably in the Marina district. I travel a lot so anywhere from 3.5 – 4 weeks out of every month is needed. Hosting in your home is preferred but we can work something out for you to pay to stay in my artfully-created GORGEOUS master bedroom and dog sit in my home.

  3. “Can anyone around the Lincoln Park or Lakeview neighborhoods recommend a photographer who specializes in the goddess chakra? As the official Coobie bra spokesmodel, I’m looking for a beautiful backdrop, maybe near Halsted and Division? Bonus points if you can come pick me up! Discreetly, since I’m, um, not allowed out of the house. Oops! Bear Kittay, maybe you know somebody who fits the bill?”

  4. Looking through teary lashes for a REPUTATION CLEANSER who is GOOD, FAST, and CHEAP! Willing to pay in social media promotion (have you seen my twitter/facebook followers? They are legion!) with lots of mentions and a detailed writeup on my company’s website (facebook.com/Julia) .

    Bonus points if you can write a takedown notice with TEETH; previous lawyers have really let me down (dammit, daddy!).

    BONUS bonus points if you specialize in erasing sex tapes OR have experience in constructing an artful, beautifully lit and INSPIRATIONAL video out of some blurry iPhone video.

    Call me please! I’m still up even though it’s 4 a.m. and you don’t have to email me **PAID** in the subject line because my trust fund manager says it’s totally okay to release funds for this, after all the Bauger’s good name is at stake!

    HURRRY!!!!!

  5. Looking for an AMAZING surrogate mother who can deliver (no pun intended, LOL) an ineffable newborn for a major author/corporate spokesperson/yogini/model. The successful candidate will be RIDICULOUSLY excited by the level of exposure offered by this role – if you’re just looking for a paycheck, this is not the opportunity for you. Interested parties, please send me complete genome sequence as PDF, proof of Ivy League education, full body and facial photos (including proof of caucasian heritage), and 3000-word essay on what this INCREDIBLE opportunity would mean to your life.

  6. “Derpy co-curator needed for peripatetic, all-expenses-paid travel between luxe European locales and my tri-coastal crash pads. Must accept payment in dusty costumes and dry shampoo.”

  7. “Has anybody seen my dignity?

    I lost it somewhere in the Playa on Friday, or it may have been Saturday, the last thing I remember I was doing my interpretative self-wedding co-created dance piece, and Ali approached me with and a ball gag, a glow-in-the-dark whip and a giant corn on the cob. And a can of Crisco, I think she also had a can of Crisco.

    Please, if you have found a shred, no matter how small, of my dignity please return it and I will pay you in twitter mentions”

    • Clearly someone’s negativity willed this to happen, just like the theft of Jena’s jewelry and makeup! Somebody needs to start thinking about rainbows and unicorns, or else!

      • Some lowlife absconded with Jena’s Native American caricature props. The nerve of that hater! There may be no judgment in Black Cock City, but there will be hell to pay if the faux hippies catch that thief!

        • The nerve verve of that hater!

          Someone hurry and check Julie’s pink Rubbermaid tubs from Wal*Mart..

      • I wouldn’t doubt that this is exactly how this theft is being spun. In Jena’s earlier Facebook entries when she was (surprise!) upgraded on her flight and discovered the airline hadn’t (surprise!) lost her luggage, she was told by followers that it was her special “magic”, “karma”, or “angels”.

        Only thing is, there must be some rot in her soul for something like this to happen. Jena is nothing if not true, oozy, viscous love. Didn’t someone mention she dislikes Julia? There’s something rotten in the state of Enlightenment.

    • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA — it’s raining all over their Wal-Mart crap and tutus in the DESERT??????????? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

      (sorry)

  8. Julia Allison
    2 hours ago near San Francisco, CA
    Does anyone know a Burning Man camp looking for new members? I’ve been going to Burning Man for years (back then it was Burning Child, ha-ha), but my regular camp has become ineffably staid. I want to up-level my experience in 2015. So, I’m looking for a new camp. I have a 70-point checklist of what I want in a camp, but here are the most important qualities:

    1.) Doesn’t have female members with curly blonde hair
    2.) Contains a good mixture of millionaires AND billionaires (for diversity)
    3.) Has a theme (preferably prom-based)
    4.) Requires minimal time commitments from me (so busy, but will do publicity)

    Please contact my intern and/or dog sitter with suggestions. I’m off to do some yoga in the park. Feeling *so* blessed as I sob through arabesques in front of this lovely sunset!

  9. Does anyone have the name of an ineffable Shaman that makes house calls in San Francisco? I am concerned that the negative energy from this furry brown bedspread (which doesn’t even KNOW me) is subconsciously bullying me and hurting my ability to finish my epic tome that will be populating the best seller lists for weeks. Bonus if he has ayahuasca and Medjool dates in tow!

  10. Julia Allison
    3 hours ago near San Francisco, CA

    What is the BEST lifestyle? Is the next cutting-edge personality… modest evangelical? Hot Cross-Fit Paleo Girl ;)…. boozy, expired divorcee? Sociopathic downtown condo board member? Why do you believe this personal style is–hands down, no hold barred– THE ideal way to BE? Who are some great examples who embody this lifestyle, preferably with extensive online photo archives and active social media contacts. WHERE is literally THE perfect place to live as on of these types? Also looking for GREAT wardrobe and accessory sources for the winning lifestyle. Working on proposal for my next book!”

    (Edited 1 hour ago to read, “Working on an article for a major publication!)
    (Edited 45 min. ago to read, “Working on my first feature documentary!”)
    (Edited 20 min. ago to read, “WOrking on a new project with @BravoTV!”)

  11. NEEDED: a super-dooper detective to help me locate a missing wallet. Last seen lefthand rear pocket of slightly overweight prom king with mansion and yacht.

  12. Does anyone know an ineffably delicious photographer and stylist? Needed for post-divorce photo shoot where I will be embodying the great St. Helen, patron saint of difficult marriages, divorced women and empresses. @Bear Kittay?

  13. Julia Allison
    1 hour ago near San Francisco, CA

    OK Burners Bay Area friends and angel investors—-who do we know that is close to launching a successful Time Travel Start Up?!? With all the brains and supercreativity of my tribe, why are we still “stuck” in our current rut in space-time?! Is no one addressing this? Can’t we ALL get together and make this happen? With the technology that ALREADY exists, we should be able to travel freely at least as far back as July 2008!!
    http://tinyurl.com/ob8rak6
    Think about it- the free-spirited entrepreneurs of today are no longer attached to having traditional “jobs,” “homes,” “weddings” or “children.” So um….WHY are we so attached to…clocks? calendars? “Time.”?! I am genuinely curious. We made Uber happen, why not a Time Machine?! If any of you are already working on this, get in touch and put *DO_OVER* in the subject line. Let’s collaborate!!!! We made Uber happen, why not a Time Machine?! I can get your project MAJOR media attention.
    @RandiZuckerberg, @BearKittay @SteveJobs

      • I am having an Old Skool RBNS moment right now. The long-ago chat conversation that inspired your user name (the Domino pizza guy) was one of the funniest things I’ve ever experienced.

          • Once upon a time, there was a RBNS chatroom. It was like RBD, but on methamphetamines. One day, in chat, our beloved PartyPants (who flounced after a disagreement with the Jacy triumvirate, but now runs GOMI) ordered pizza from Domino’s over the Internet. Domino’s, in its infinite wisdom, had a feature whereby the name of your delivery person was revealed to you ahead of the order. The driver that day was simply known as KashMoney.

          • And then a commenter named KashMoney appeared in the chat and was posting random pizza facts, as I recall. I wish someone would have saved it for posterity, it was brilliant.

    • – Awesome. I’m actually doing something like this in my current business. Just be careful what you promote, because it’s illegal – Ali Shanti (5 mins ago)

      – Sounds sexy. I hope I can screw myself. Wink Wink! – Annie LaLa (10 mins ago)

      – Sorry I have to do this publicly Julia: We’re not friends. Please stop using my name like this. It’s very uncomfortable for me. – Bear Kittay (15 mins ago)

  14. Julia Allison
    1 hour ago near Reno, NV

    Does anyone know how to get caked-on alkaline mud out of a white ballgown?

    • I’m guessing team mystic has threatened her within an inch of her life not to manic fb post crowd-sourcing for free room/food/wallets to poach.

      • Seriously, how is she being so quiet. We know she not at judgement-free Black Rock City so where oh where is A Donkey?

  15. Didn’t a donkey leave for BRC on Friday? Is she already there? Are they just turning away people at the gates, or making the existing camps pack up and leave, too? Will you write my book for me?

      • I’m thinking of the Reno 911 episode where Dangle, Jones, and Junior go undercover to BM. Hilarity ensued.

        • That is the best.

          Except for the one where Dangle’s wife wants a divorce so she can get married again. “I can’t wait till our wedding night, let me tell you, to have sex with that vagina.”

          • So many good ones… when Junior gives the Boy Scouts a tour of the jail and explains “circling the wagons.” Terry– “A hand job is still a job.” (Oh hai Donk.) Clemmie’s wedding to Steed.

    • I read somewhere that a few hundred people got in before they closed the gates and we’re told to stay inside. That can’t be much fun either.
      So even if she’s inside, this is not at all going according to (the imaginary) script.

      • It’s hard to imagine that Donk would get anywhere early/ahead of the crowd, unless the person who’s doing the driving/planning/packing/food prep/etc for her physically hoisted her out of her Pottery Barn for Toddlers bed, wrapped her in twine, and threw her into a U-Haul trailer.

        • I also doubt that she and that merry band of woos are anywhere but a giant traffic jam. Question is, do they bond over this shared experience or do they turn on each other? My money is on the latter as too many ego demons must be freaking out right now.

          • “Reno is 123 miles from Black Rock City, and as the closest city with an airport, it is the primary travel hub for those getting to the festival. However, the drive there is all along a two-lane highway. This is about a three-hour drive usually, and even longer in poor weather conditions and heavy Burning Man traffic.

            Yesterday, it look Burners about seven hours to get from Reno to Black Rock City. The gas station closest to Burning Man ran out of gas at that time. Thus far, it is being reported the traffic jam is three miles long. ”

            http://www.thewire.com/business/2014/08/burning-man-canceled/379101/

            Sounds really fun. One ggod thing is that nerves will be frayed and the woo crowd stuck in traffic with a whining bray-beast might just snap.

          • Jinxies! I said the same thing. She won’t just be whining, she’ll be sobbing and shrieking.

            The JIML once lost her shit while on a vacation with a big group of people. Had a complete raging breakdown because dinner got pushed back two hours. Needless to say, she was never invited back to the lovely Mexican villa where we were all chilling peacefully until that moment.

          • Tantrums and glitter will be thrown and if we’re lucky we’ll get a report of assault by tutu, which would make my day. She’s incapable of keeping it together even at the smallest diversion from her personal agenda AND she’s in the company of fellow drama queens who’ve never accepted her as a leading figure, so all of this tells me there’ll be big trouble in woo woo land. Curling irons at Dawn has nothing on weapons grade tutus and rhinestones.

    • it’s like brayyyyyyyyyyyy-n, on your BM wedding day!
      it’s a freeeee riddeeee when dadsers already paid.

  16. Julia Allison
    19 minutes ago from A Salt & Battery Fishcotheque near Reno, NV

    Does anyone know how to cut a bitch?

    Namely that slutty weather girl who had the audacity to predict rainfall during my one and only week of vacation — WHO DOES THAT??

    Also, why hasn’t anyone developed an app so that out-of-towners can find the local Western Union? Daddy, if you’re reading this, just call your AmEx number in to the HoJo’s, m’kay? And HURRY! I need to put new jewelry and make-up in a safe …

    • Julia Allison
      12 minutes ago from Howard Johnson’s near Reno, NV

      Can anyone suggest the best website to comparison shop for discounted, retroactive event insurance? As a professional keynote speaker and spokesmodel, I find it hard to believe that someone can CHARGE a ticket FEE, but take no responsibility whatsoever when said event does not go as planned. This is NOT okay. Why in this culture have values broken down? When a tribe of deeply talented, brilliant, unconventional individuals come together to collaborate on art, why should they have to absorb these costs?! And this says nothing of the emotional fallout–what about how women grieve??? You will “definitely absolutely not compensate” me? How does that even make sense? What part of the SHARING ECONOMY do you not understand? Lawyers are inevitable. Does anyone know a trusted, impeccable attorney in the Nevada area who is interested in taking on a VERY high profile pro-bono project?

  17. Julia Allison
    5 minutes ago from near Reno, NV

    Anyone have a lead on a four-bedroom home in the Reno, NV area that is ready to move into ASAP? Preferably with bay view windows, solar panels, upgraded tile floors, and only quiet Asian roommates.

    And/or a mattress? ASAP?

    It’s been an AMAZING, transcendent, vaginally empowering, DELICIOUS, cold-pressed few years in the Bay Area but I realized, since my (okay… I’ll admit it) insane (in a good way), exuberant, fulfilling, (okay… kind of embarrassing) Burning Man wedding, that I’m ready to put down roots in a place that feels like a real home and connect with Americana itself while I focus on my book on experiments in happiness (which I’m starting to realize, as my friend Michael Ellsberg brilliant points out is actually “not a thing”) that my home is really Americana itself.

    Also I’m out of gas and spent all of my money on the wedding and none of my playa sisters will return my texts for some reason and I’ve just spent two really intense and investigative days crying my heart out.

    “We both cried all night and then we were set free!” – Taylor Swift (tag) (Any wonder I love that chick.)

  18. So they are saying the playa is “undriveable” and that the place will be closed until at least mid-day Tuesday. I wonder how long it takes to dry out enough to drive on? Can you imagine all those heavy RVs stuck in the mud, not to mention the big art cars/mutant vehicles? And you can’t ride bikes through that stuff, either.

    How hilarious would it be if they cancel the whole week? We’d be able to hear the sob-braying from states away.

      • Yeah, but I’m reading from some comments that the desert surface out there is environmentally sensitive after a rain, and that they may actually have to close it down due to the policies of the people who let them use the land. This is just a rumor right now but with 60,000 people driving and tromping all over, it could be true. Apparently it’s not OK to leave the surface with ruts in it.

          • Weird that this was supposed to be about last year but the story was dated August 9, 2013. On August 9th, 2013 Burning Man hadn’t happened yet.

          • In comments from Aug. 2013:

            Pluto Says:
            August 9th, 2013 at 3:35 pm
            So, “Vehicle traffic was stopped to prevent damage to the desert floor” – does anyone else find this interesting? What if if rains like crazy on Saturday? And nobody can drive on the playa for a few days? Where are all those thousands of RVs and cars going to park? Just a thought…

            Pluto Says:
            August 9th, 2013 at 3:51 pm
            What I mean of course is the Saturday before the event… or the Sunday when everyone is starting at arrive.

            Pluto Says:
            August 9th, 2013 at 3:55 pm
            I’m NOT talking about rain “during” the event. I’m talking about pounding rain that prevents the event from starting, and prevents any vehicles from even ENTERING BRC, because BLM is protecting the desert floor.

    • No place for the water run-off and the ground is so hard it’ll take a while for it to reabsorb-rest assured it will be a muddy mess and the white wedding’s going to be appropriately end up besmudged.

  19. Does anyone know a tech editor at MAJOR publication (NYT, Wired, BuzzFeed) who would be interested in publishing a cutting-edge, first-person exposé / cultural think piece by a FAMOUS client of mine? (She’s a signed author / enlightened ballerina / tv star / INTERNATIONALLY syndicated columnist / news commentator / relationship expert!!)

    My CLIENT can relate to Michael Brown and all black people because she has been cyber bullied. As the Dalai Lama (or was it Oprah?) said, “When people say mean things about you online, it’s basically the same as police shooting an unarmed man.” And when we… I mean, er, my client tries to speak up about cyber bullying, commenter bullies silence her with more cyber bullying! Just like police silenced #Ferguson protesters!

    Please pass this along, bunnies! I need your help! When you give your big shot editor friends my email address, make sure to tell them to put PAID in the subject line.

    P.S. My CLIENT insists she get republishing rights because she wants to copy-paste this article into her book.

  20. But seriously. Given the sherpa situation and people helicoptering in like Tom Cruise and whatnot, are there still people who attend Burning Man in tents and wash themselves with baby wipes? Oh dear god, I just activated my own gag reflex with the phrase “baby wipes.” You know what I mean, the normal golem of olde.

  21. From an article posted up thread:

    One of them, a man who only identified himself as “Rob”, was wearing a fur vest and shiny silver-colored shorts that left little to the imagination. He said he drove 12 hours from Los Angeles last night before arriving at the Burning Man gate Monday morning.

    “It was absolutely pouring,” Rob said. “It started hailing. I had to jump out of my car and put up the tarp.

    “It came out of nowhere,” he said.

    DERPIN!!!! We hardly knew ye!

    Here’s the link again: http://www.rgj.com/story/life/arts/burning-man/2014/08/25/burning-man-gate-closed-rain/14566293/

    • I may be wrong, but there’s a guy in the first two photos of that link that could indeed be Derpin. If it’s him, much healthier looking.
      But I probably saw that wrong.

      • I don’t think it’s him, cuz in the first pic, there’s no Rings & Things wristicuff to be seen …

      • I wasn’t expecting it was him as I didn’t see the pictures. Just the description of a man in silver shorts….with nothing left to the imagination. Ugh #showervom

      • There is a guy in silver shorts, a very meaty guy, who I suppose is “Rob” toward the end of the gallery. I just accidentally came across someone who could’ve been Derpin in the first two pics. I almost wish it’s really him because he seems to be with a nice and normal looking girl.

        • Ahhh I see the pics now I skipped over them when I was skimming the article. I see the pic now of a bearded guy with the furry vest and silver shorts. Not Derp but just as creepy to look at.

    • Really? “It came out of nowhere”? I’ve lived in a desert town for most of my life and, while flash floods do happen, the rain itself can usually be predicted pretty far in advance. Don’t any of these morons consult the weather report before heading out into the middle of fucking nowhere?!? It’s fucking monsoon season!

  22. Heh. Vallywag reposted a tweet: “Radical self-reliance has been temporarily postponed on account of rain.” @JorgeO

      • sad bc she was legit attractive when younger. there are pictures floating around on the internets from her irell munger bio. now her face just screams “crazy bitch”.

      • She looks like a washed up Whitesnake groupie turned “hot mom” turned wannabe hippie with way too much botox and not enough filler. So in love with your own face, Ali Shitty Attorney at LOL.

        • I think I am two years more expired than Shanty and her face fascinates/terrifies me. I *think* I look about 12 years younger, and I don’t think I look particularly young for my age.

        • The thing that stands out to me are what are called the “eye troughs” under her eyes, the hollow eye sockets. I didn’t get these until I was in my late 50s. This can be corrected with fat grafting (best) or fillers (temporary, 1-2 years) so that you’d never know you had them. They are terribly aging. They exacerbate the look of dark circles, and always make you look tired as hell. I’d say she’s 15 years early in getting these. Could be heredity, could be lifestyle. Whatever it is, it’s unfortunate she has them now. Not everyone wants to get plastic surgery and aging gracefully is an important thing to aspire to, but this is one thing I’m glad I did. That, and a neck lift. There are things you can do that don’t scream out “She’s had work!”

    • She probably stinks bad enough on the way out there. Can you imagine having to sit next to her on the plane on the way back after a full week of no showers?

        • From Dictionary.com

          “Shanty

          1810-20; probably < Canadian French chantier lumber camp, hut; French: yard, depot, gantry, stand for barrels < Latin cant (h) ērius rafter, prop, literally, horse in poor condition, nag < Greek kanthḗlios pack ass"

          SO many Donks-related gems there.

          "horse in poor condition"
          "nag"
          "pack ass"

          Truth-telling, indeed.

  23. YOU BITCHES have stuck that horrible Allanis M. Song in my head all day.

    I’m going TO REPORT YOU.

    Fuck you.

  24. once Julie abandons the BM festival scene, my money is on
    her going to #Ibiza like other more age-appropriate normals.
    (Caro)
    But, then again, it’s FOREIGN….so maybe not.

    • I doubt that’s within the Dadser approved budget. Otherwise she would’ve done Goa or luxury yoga retreats already, wouldn’t she?

      • I dunno. She has never been a big international traveler. I guess she needs English speakers around her so she can attempt to be the center of attention.

  25. “Does anyone have a way to quickly reduce weight gained over a correspondingly short amount of time? Also, hints on how to clear up a sudden complexion issue that don’t involve lots of powders and unguents? Also, anyone have a spare juicer? Something plus-sized? Kind of a walk-in deal? And a lawyer specializing in chewing-gum related cases (Daddy is no help. Again)? And something to get these creepy little orange fucks to stop fucking singing?”

  26. Tots OT: looking for a new series to binge on; wondering: has anyone here seen the Netflix original “HAPPY VALLEY”? While generally don’t watch crime shows, NO’s have been great so far … so, is it really good like “THE CLOSER” is?

    • Heh. Imagine an animated Mr Ed on the skids (starring
      Will Arnett) — sounds too D0nkey-ish not to give it a go.

      BOJACK HORSEMAN
      ‘… focusing on the life of washed-up former sitcom star BoJack Horseman as he plans his big return to celebrity relevance with a tell-all biography that he dictates to his ghostwriter …’

      • Seconded. I sort of love it FOR it’s languid-ity(?) I need a need show, too. Otherwise I’ll just keep on spending time with Tami Taylor, learning how to live life, over and over.

    • Australian series called Rake. It’s awesome.

      Also don’t laugh but I am into AMC’s Hell on Wheels because that dude in the lead is so smoking hot and I have sex dreams about him constantly and wake up deeply, ineffably in love and fully actualized, if you hear what am I sayin’ nudge nudge wink wink say no more.

      • Did anyone here read an Australian novel called The Slap some years back? I was googling around for good Australian TV series and saw The Slap was made into an award-winning miniseries.

        It’s… “in the queue.”

        And whennnnn will season two of The Fall come out?

        • Hopefully soon. I just rewatched season 1 and it was almost as good as the first time I watched it. I have developed a girl crush on Gillian Anderson. She was fantastic in that role. I also loved her wardrobe…..

          • She has become a stunning knockout. Like a timeless beauty. I am hypnotized by her.

  27. Julia Allison
    3 hours ago near San Francisco, CA

    Does anyone know an ENLIGHTENED, generous clothing, jewelry (preferably high-end festival/Goddess type), and/or hair accessory company looking for a REAL, fit, beautiful, slim, CREATIVE spokes-model?! After choosing very carefully among the MANY offers that clog my inbox, I have decided to open up to what the universe may bring instead of being my usual Type-A, overachieving self and only taking the PERFECT opportunity. Try me. Am making room in my HEAVY schedule. Looking for a company that appreciates (!!!!) spokes-model’s insightful input and verve! An unconventional company that gets on board when a spokes-artist creates amazing 30 Day Challenges, original hashtags, AND goes the extra mile by bicycling (in the rain!!) to complete photoshoots she herself scheduled. The kind of company who will not hesitate when invoiced by photographers!! Let’s be in this together! Branding is the next big (really big!) thing. Thanks!!!!!! Note: typically spokes-artists are NOT held responsible if products given out end up on underage non-spokes-models, and/or if products are non-professionally styled and photographed in a way that “comes close to violating child pornography laws in some states.” I have a spiritual consultant who advises me on such matters and I am sure to run everything past him!

  28. Julia Allison
    October 1 near Wilmette IL

    Does anyone have a share or sublet available in a quiet, remote storage facility in the Chicago area? I have six very heavy suitcases full of, uh, Burning Man tutus, bindis and rhinestones and need a waterproof climate-controlled place to store them. Bonus if you have a large deep freezer!

  29. id probably have a horrible time if i were ali shantitown at burning man this year knowing that its my sons first year back in public school and my daughters freshman year in high school. idk man maybe im being too judge-y here but that first week is emotional and hectic ya know? ah well i hope her kids get that support from their dad (?) or whoever the fuck the adult is who takes care of them when ali is at some clit flicking woo fest.

    and i hope annie falalala didnt bring her toddler to the playa. it cant be good for a little kid’s lungs to breathe all that dust in.

  30. So Ali Shanti(y?) has been posting a series about her decision to file BK on her Alexis Neely fb account. A few days ago, she posted her video conclusion to that series. It makes me want to throw things. As a result, I can’t really coherently describe all of my thoughts right now, but I will share the link and a few preliminary thoughts.

    1. Bear in mind that she was recently essentially fired by her EWO sisters and, in response, she hired a kooky dude as a “CEO” to do what she apparently could not. So, when she talks about how her businesses are run by “CEOs,” yeah, bitch, you were fired.

    2. When she states that her businesses quickly bounced back and are doing better than ever (i.e. making millions!), she is either lying about that or she has been lying to her BK trustee. She reported like 5K or some such in earnings each month in 2014 last I checked.

    3. I am happy to learn that she still knows (despite what I believe is a fried brain) what a fraudulent conveyance is. I guess?

    4. If you have ever had a mortgage or have ever applied for any kind of financing, I trust you understand that not paying “big banks” the debt you promised to pay has consequences for people other than yourself.

    Here is the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKf-z3rYtSU

    Special Bonu$: the first comment on her post of yesterday (again, on her Alexis Neely page) regarding BM (poster’s name [REDACTED]):

    N_____ R___: It has become megabuck cooperate bullshit. I would be ashamed to go now. Pilgrimage. Oh so not ever. Just cooperate bullshit. No way will I pass this on. Make it a real pilgrimage and try the outback woods. just get next o nature. Forget the booze and blaring music. Listen to the music of the woods. Birds, animals, trees.
    Like · Reply · 4 · Yesterday at 6:35pm

    • Oh and:

      5. When she discusses her debt in the amount of 500K, she is excluding from that amount the 300+K that was a property in CO. That amount was listed in her BK filing. She ultimately “released” 880K in debt, not 500K in debt. She herself ultimately agreed that the true figure was 880K in some fb debate which she took down but not before it was pasted here. IIRC.

      • it’s smoke and mirrors. Just like when she says she “built two million dollar businesses”. What she means is those businesses brought in over a million each in REVENUE, which is plausible. What she leaves out is it prolly costed $4 million to bring in $2 million in “revenue” — “revenue” does not mean PROFIT. As she learned. But the woo who read her yammerings are not forensic accountants. They think “revenue” = “profit”. Sadly, no.

        • Oh, and here’s a gem — obviously I didn’t watch the whole 1.5 hour vid she made with her “biz partners’ but the tension between all of them is evident fairly soon into it — Ali starts complaining that no one can hear her (tech difficulties) and Kiva snarks at her that if she didn’t have so many windows open on her DAMN COMPUTER then maybe the tech would work — and the chick with brown hair just sits in front of her ‘puter frowning. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZRLBI4EKzU&list=UUm7kphTtbUYLeJVJid4WBFQ

          I had a friend who listened in to portions of some of the “Eyes Wide Open” woo calls. She said they were pretty pathetic. Desperate women with ideas for businesses that aren’t EVER EVER going to fly; like a hairdresser who wants to give financial and spiritual advice while she’s doing your hair at the same time is but one example. There was another “business coaching” call where everyone had to imagine they were a tree. Please pass me some franzia infused cheetos.

          • Oh Greg. That actually makes me sad. That well-meaning but uninformed people fall for the woo and grift. Like that hairdresser. It reminds me of “Roger & Me”, where all the jobs in Flint are gone, and that one lady turns to “color consulting”. I’m not blaming the lady, just thinking she paid someone to learn this useless skill.
            Man, that movie was the canary in the coalmine for what’s happened on a much vaster scale. When the real jobs disappear, people grasp for what they can, and people will take advantage of that.

          • All these grifters prey on wannabes. Wannabe rich, wannabe thin, wannabe sexier, wannabe happy, wannabe enlightened, wannabe spiritual, wannabe healthy, wannabe beautiful, wannabe immortal. Pitching the same old snake oil that people have fallen for for millennia.

        • I’m not even sure it was millions in revenue. I think the woo might be confused about revenue versus expenses.

          • well I noticed she’s very careful in all her claims to emphasize the bidnesses “generated two million dollars in revenue”. She never says “I made two million dollars.”

          • Just to give Ali/Alexis the benefit of the doubt (and having spent years deciphering Julia’s legalese here..).. When she said her businesses generate millions, could she have been referring to Pesos? or ¥en?

        • oh no not at all Lurker! The comment got posted in the wrong place — I meant the commenter who pissed all over BM on her fb page. It sounded like Craigger having a spite fit. (Did we ever establish if he is at Camp Mystic in the flesh this year?)

    • I love the last line..

      “There is truly nothing people from San Francisco cannot make worse.”

  31. Ask and ye shall receive!!!

    “Vibrant, Healthy Friends!
    I noticed how incredible I felt drinking wonderful, clean, probiotic water we were so lucky to have at Burning Man … and I have a few questions, for those of you who know about such things:
    1) What do most of you drink normally? Do you order water delivered? Use a special filter? What kind? (Beyond Brita – that’s basically an ineffective piece of crap. And please don’t recommend Soma – I don’t care that their filter is pretty. It’s basically a fancier Brita, and just as useless.)
    I’m quite aware of how much crap is in our drinking water and I’m keen not to continue drinking other people’s prozac that they’ve peed into the system. I would LOVE recommendations for what you have chosen to do about this situation …
    THANK YOU!”

Comments are closed.