Julia Allison Is A Writer & A Dancer Who Has Friends Who Write & Dance!

ohno

Julia Allison has friends! Friends like the misguided journo Nick Bilton, who needs to read the most thoughtful, beautiful, accurate, and non-tropey-like piece ever written about Julia’s desert oasis. She didn’t ruin Burning Man, people!

“A Must Read. One of the most thoughtful, beautifully explained – and most importantly – ACCURATE articles I have ever read about Burning Man. I’m weary of the old trope, espoused most recently by my friend Nick Bilton in the NYT, about wealthy people “ruining” the event; it’s far from the reality I’ve experienced there. I’m so grateful Dustin shared his unique perspective.”

https://medium.com/i-m-h-o/radical-inclusion-vs-radical-self-reliance-at-burning-man-b6ab7a2a8321

Julia Allison has even more friends! Friends like newly single Jena la Flamme, who will question, shatter, and re-inscribe female stereotypes in an earth shattering interpretive dance that promises to rival Nijinky’s Rite of Spring! Oh the ART, oh the CREATIVITY!

“Announcing my dance performance on the playa this week.
I’m performing in a piece called, “ReFrame: Female Stereotypes Become Feminine Archetypes,” at the epic Camp Mystic party on Wednesday night at 10pm (3.45 & E).

“This is in collaboration with the fabulous Stacey Morgenstern, Jennifer Russell, Ali Shanti, Jess Johnson, Nisha Moodley, LiYana Silver and Julia Allison. Come one, come all! This will be an eye-opening show not to be forgotten.”

268 COMMENTS

  1. I read this to mean that she did not like Nick’s piece, even though they are friends, but did like the one written by the billionaire she’s yoo-hooing.

    • Thanks, Life! Corrected! I was trying to quickly post this update before taking the kid to ballet lessons.

    • Donks is deluded. Everyone who read two sentences of that article was immediately like, “What a bunch of horrible dicks.” Flying in call girls? What the fuck. Love how Julia thinks she’s Burning Man expert.

      She is seriously the anti-ambassador of the event, she personally makes me hate the idea of it. It was a cool thing the likes of her ruined. When I lived in SF earlier in the century my cool mellow friends went and I loved the pics and stories. My roomie and childhood friend built his own land-cruiser with a sail etc. My impression of the event was really good and she is single-handedly what I am pretty sure what is ruining it. Such a parasite.

      • She’s pretty much everything on either side of the perineum. All of it. Encased in Grandmother’s panties.

        “Do you want some lin-a-ment rubbed on your perineum?”

        -Tracey Jordan to Liz Lemon on 30 Rock when she’s briefly pretending to be preggers.

      • yep and epic (learn new words please) Camp Mystic party on Wednesday night at 10pm (3.45 & E)<—–is this some new type of drug reference? on an itinerary?

  2. “ReFraming: Female Stereotypes Become Feminine Archetypes” and are thereby accepted and unchallenged?
    Whenever these people claim to be counter-culture and unconventional, they are in fact extremely reactionary. It’s a gift. Patriarchy thanks you and would like to grope your ass.

    • As a member of the patriarchy, I approve this message. Although I would hazard to guess that some of these radical, transformative feminists still ask some of those filthy XYs to help open a jar of ayahukasahhhaa jam from time to time.

    • Is this not beyond pretentious? NOW I WILL DO AN INTERPRETIVE DANCE ABOUT FEMININE OPPRESSION IN MY MADE IN CHINA OUTFIT WHILE SPENDING $THOUSANDS IN THE DESERT FOR NO GOOD REASON.

      • Hooker boots made by female children* in sweatshops.

        *Rabbi exploits female children too.

        • You mean the rabbi whom Julia Allison, not Jewish, chose as the “officiant” at the stunt that is her “self wedding”? The man who has raped children because they were “asking for it”?

          Sounds very spiritual and enlightened! Just like A Donkey!

    • Stereotype, female, disempowerment? Or empowerment? Unconventional, challenging, edgy? Patriarchy, the male gaze? You? Hegemony or anarchy? Liberation! Shackles, history, vulvae. Historic! When is now. Tears, talking. Sex positivity. Fingerbang. Ownership. Tears. Mother? Lean in. Charter school. Acid kids. Daring. Unconventional, ineffable. Money. Send it. Now.

  3. What’s the dealio w/ Stacey Morgenstern? It reads as if SHE is fabulous, & the rest are mere backup dancers … which no doubt accounts for the spasmodic d0nkey listed last.

    • I have a feeling that her being listed last – as if an afterthought – was woo shadily intentional.

    • Oh, I bet La Phlegm *hated* having to include Donkey in this one. Burning Man is the one place where she can’t avoid the Donks. This woo crowd is grossly entangled in every way possible.

      • Note the deliberate use of the “and” there before the donks name.

        Someone must be going berserk going through her stuff in NYC as anna pavlova dances up a meange a quatre

      • the tag along little sister that mom’s making them play with is the feeling I get when reading this too.

    • I have this vision of our Donkey herky jerky tapping into mouth breathing, sobbing arabesques before getting pushed off the playa by my name sake LaPhlegm.

    • Exactly. Can’t she just shut up? But in my experience, crazy NPD mentalcases go completely off the rails when they are ignored or rejected. She needs the attention and the validation.

      • She signed off with a “See you in September!” then followed it with three FB posts.

        • It’s not as much fun for her without a man to show off in front of like last year with Devin. As much as I dislike the woo many of them seem comfortable in their own silence-never the donk. She will be banned from camp unless she learns to play nice with others.

  4. I just looked at Jena LaFlamme’s facebook page and wished I hadn’t. Christ on Toast:

    >>Deepen into the space of loving and supportive sisterhood. After sharing our desires, we will travel to the heart of the Goddess of Love, performing devotional rituals for one another — adorning our sisters in flowers, washing their hands and feet, anointing them with oils, feeding them and tending to their hearts.<<

    • Hahahahaaaaaa these people are so crazy. If I came up to my friends with woo glaze eyeballs and some vegetable oil to anoint them I would be 5150’d so fast.

      • You rang? And side note: more people die by donkey each year than plane crashes said the Twitter feed today.

      • Only makes it to the 2nd day and then misses the big murder / suicide pact extravaganza on day 30. Kicks herself for missing all the attention the cult receives from gawker.

        • Totally this. Julia would offer to be the driver for the Manson murders, exaggerating a sweet ride she can get from a friend, then oversleep and feel left out of the media circus.

    • I’m imagining La Flambé reciting this garbage during the dance troupe’s reclaiming of burlesque, with Shantitown bumping & grinding as Tempest Storm and Mulia Mallison doing her best Bettie Page–tits out!

      • Ls Flamme imo is a saint compared to Julia. Also her FB posts alone compared to Julia’s are John Keats and her dancing is Balanchine.

        Compared to JA. IMO.

        • Oh and she’s Kate Moss compared to JA but I actually think she’s really pretty.

        • All this. La Phlegm doesn’t make me vomit the way A Donkey does. She’s full of woo but she doesn’t lie about fake jobs like Julia Allison does.

          • NOT OUTRIGHT LYING, BUT …

            “Expect that she will try to do therapy type exercises with you even through she isn’t a therapist.”

            “Also, she doesn’t hold any accountability to her clients. She says that she does, but I never experienced it. I tried to email her between sessions – which she encouraged – but got one liner type of email responses.”

            “Now they’re getting all shady with gift certificates and imposing all these restrictions that aren’t stated on them like telling you what days you can come in, only Jena can do it but not when you’re available, etc.. Price for a 90 min massage has gone from $150 to $225 in a matter of months – it’s GOUGING – SO not worth it when you could go to a real spa for less. This place is terrible – avoid at all costs.”

            http://www.yelp.com/biz/jena-wellness-center-new-york-2

          • so much harder to lie and cheat and steal on your own than to just cash dad$er’s cheques

          • Few bad yelps doesnt put her in Shanti town as far as I’m concerned. I don’t think it’s a bad idea for a nutritional coach to get you to do therapy exercises, e.g. Also, she owned a building that rented space to other vendors. I dunno. I think she despises JA which should hold her in good esteem.

    • She’s so delusional that I could see her completely blowing off the book because the selfie wedding will be tho groundbreaking, tho original, that Bravo will see the light and give Julia her own show. No pesky co-stars, kittens! And surely Bravo will hire someone to complete the book …

      • I know it’s been said, but I feel the need to really recall what a fucking great big chance that she’s blown, because it’s really mental. A contract to write a stupid-ass 200 page book for the prestigious St. Martin’s Press, a house that knows your book will be stupid-ass, and she still can’t do it. I know we all know this, but it’s boggling to really think about anew, even a stupid book that made it to bookstore shelves would be something of an achievement. It seems like it was made tremendously easy for her, and she blew it so badly. And she calls herself a writer. It’s very stuff.

        • It’s Social Studies (was that the name of her Chicago Tribune column that never really was?) all over again. She’s such a lazy self-sabotaging idiot, it’s very stuff indeed.

          • She completely shat all over that opportunity. What’s especially sad is that it was a credible gig. Sure, it was a light-hearted column but the concept could’ve taken hold with the right approach. And, even if it wasn’t something she saw for herself long-term, she could’ve used the opportunity for something bigger, building legitimacy and her network along the way. These things aren’t hard; professional people do them every day.

            And yet she torpedoed the whole thing. It was embarrassing to watch the whole thing quickly deteriorate into utter garbage. I can’t for the life of me figure out why – she had bagged a McCain, she had a paying job that wouldn’t embarrass her family, and she had a weekly assignment that required at most 1 day’s worth of real effort per week, including necessary research/interviews. From the outside, one could only conclude that (1) Donkey is profoundly, pathetically stupid and (2) Donkey is obstinately, hatefully anti-work.

        • Even reality show twits like Snooki can produce a “book,” yet Julia Allison is too lazy not only to write a book, but to do all the silly stunts that she put in the proposal. Travel the country in an RV? Interview people?

          She’s like deranged, delusional Sonja from Real Housewives NY, who needs 5 “interns” to find her bedroom slippers for her at the crack of noon, and has been braying for years that she’s producing her own line of toaster ovens (which have yet to see the light of day ) just so people don’t think she’s a complete layabout.

          • Guessing Snooki’s book was ghostwritten. That being said, the ghostwriting process isn’t what a lot of people think it is. The ghostwriter may WRITE the book but generally there us still a fair amount of participation from the author. It’s not just handing over a stack of chocolate-sauce covered selfies & notes scratched on the back of unused wedding invitations and expecting someone else to do all of the work. The narrative, ideas, and content generally are things GIVEN to the ghostwriter. And for “celebrity” books (Snooki’s, eg) there are generally weeks if not months of interviews and sit-downs with the celebrity to get things correct in terms of style, voice, etc.

            So EVEN IF she’s banking on a ghostwriter, she’s STILL doing it all wrong. Not surprising, though.

          • Valerie Frankel was Snooki’s ghostwriter. She’s worked with a bunch of celebrities and I think does a great job of capturing their voices.

            Nobody wants to capture A Donkey’s bray.

  5. In all the various posts about this Wednesday night thing, Donkey’s name is the only one not tagged. Why would that be?

  6. Will we get any videotape evidence of this dance? Has an inside burner kitty requested a wedding invite? An epic herp-derp herk jerk would get us through the winter.

    • A catlady is on the case. Also I think Antone, P.I. is still tracking the Modesto Strangler and may secretly record his DJ Healing Ipod set.

  7. So in the last paragraph of the article, homeboy is all ‘if you are a starving artist…plumber…etc…you should go to burning man. We’re all about inclusion’, but I’m getting the feeling that a ticket alone costs money. Then there’s the cost of drugs, water, food, gas, taking time off plumbing contracts, babysitters, post burning man STD tests, back alley abortions, etc. So how the tits is a McDonalds cashier supposed to afford a trip to burning man? Motherfucker, some of us are not rich enough to pretend we’re not rich.

    • Ghost of JFAing myself to ask another thing: since the idea of burning man is something about self reliance, some sort of anarchy and abandoning capitalism, does that mean I can hump in with a 128 hr survival pack and my AR15 and not pay for tickets and just take drugs and fire rounds off at the sky and sleep in anyone’s tent I want to? I mean that shit would make me feel free and change my paradigm where I don’t do that shit at all because civilization.

      • I love this comment so much. I want to take it to the back row of a dark movie theater and make out until the lights come up.

      • If you look at the history of Burning Man up until the mid 1990s it did include people bringing guns in and driving around and shooting at stuff. They changed the rules circa 1996.

        • This seems very dangerous. Drugs and guns and untrained people sounds like the worst thing of all time. Sounds very Ron Paul’s Buring Man.

          • The history is actually very libertarian. Though I doubt the founders ever envisioned what it would become and is today. It is interesting from a sociological perspective to see how it is evolving (or devolving, depending on your perspective.)

      • Tantric I think it’s referred to as JFCraying now. Too soon?

      • Speaking of STDs, this is totes the year Julia GIVES chlamydia at Burning Man.

        • It’s so paradigm shifting. The bride is giving gifts! Shes come so far from gently used magazines and ice cream coupons yo

          • Imagine that crowd-sourcing.

            “Does anyone in the San Francisco area have a really amazing, gluten-free, homeopathic doctor who specializes in … umm … burning warts off anuses gently and with a spiritual, loving and fully actualized approach? For an article I’m working on for the Economist!”

  8. I read that article she likes. The guy talks about how it’s “for everyone, no judgement, acceptance” then goes on about not fitting in the first few years and that you aren’t allowed to wear jeans. Burning Man = a load of shit.

    • The article is very poorly written. Here’s a guy who I guess is one of the wealthy posers who is still learning about burning man and ends up kind of bitching about how much work he did compared to others the last time he was there.

    • The same thing happened with Grateful Dead shows in the past. There would always be genuine hippies following them around subsisting on what they made from hemp necklaces and then the rich kids who would pour in from the suburbs or whatever town or college was near, wearing store-bought tie-dye and salon braids. Phish apparently took the mantle after Jerry Garcia died. Escaping reality is a big business.

      • I went to a few Dead shows in my hometown as a college kid. I had a great time.

        But, and this is where Julia Allison always fails, I always was very cognizant of the fact that I was never, ever anything other than what I was – yes, a college kid from the suburbs (not rich, though), who came to play pretend and drop some acid and listen to some great musicians for a night.

        For me, it was always over the next day, back to my summer nanny job. I just don’t get how she legit thinks she is a part of the whole thing in anything she tries to be a part of. Ugh, the “princess parking” thing just gave me secondhand embarrassment again! She embodies the absolute antithesis of everything she tries to participate in and she just.doesn’t.get.it. UGH.

  9. in other news, shillshacklesham earns my respect for posting that she has sought help for mental health issues — good example

  10. Burners spend thousands preparing for the money-free event.
    http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/08/the-wonderful-weird-economics-of-burning-man/376108/

    Replica of a Spanish galleon, sinking into the desert sand. Price tag: $64,000.

    These pit stops, hotel stays and last-minute purchases equal $35 million spent by Burning Man participants—“Burners,” for the uninitiated—in Nevada each year. Sixty-six percent of respondents in the 2013 Burning Man census (yes, it has a census) reported spending more than $250 in the state on their way to and from the event. Eighteen percent spent more than $1,000. In putting the event on, the Burning Man organization adds to this stream, from $301,660 given to local law enforcement agencies in 2013 to $4.5 million spent on Bureau of Land Management and other usage fees.

    • And how much goes to fucking Walmart? That just kills me. Way to be irresponsible consumers, oh enlightened ones.

  11. Whoever called it in a previous thread wins!

    Michael Ellsberg
    40 minutes ago · Edited
    I am sending love to all my Burning Man brothers and sisters who will be on the playa this week. And looking forward to a 1-week vacation from all your posts about it.

    • ‘looking forward to a 1-week vacation from all your posts about it’

      OMG. LOL! That reads like a Cat Lady comment. Is he One of Us?

      • He came here to white knight JA a while back. Here’s my theory.

        {Mysterious Font} Perhaps.. when the moon is right… and a lone donkey brays in the distance… Ellsberg roams these hallowed halls… like the scent of a sweaty dust covered tutu… or the polyester kiss of a mesh shirt.. like the rhinestone wept off the crow’s footed eye of a goddess…. He is with us. {/Mysterious Font}

          • Yeah, Ellsburg seems cool to me. His (ex) wife seems more unhinged, for sure. Plus, we need more bros with good hair around here. Sometimes I feel like an endangered species 😉

          • “I cured my bipolar with vitamins” is naive; “and you can, too” is griftery (in a paid-for article, at least). “Pay me to teach you how to meet famous and/or rich people” is pure grift (especially when “have famous parent” isn’t included as a step in the process).

            I wish him all the best with his divorce and whatever other issues he’s dealing with, but dude is a big ol’ snake-oil salesman, even when we feel concerned for him.

          • You’re not wrong, Albie. I guess he just seems (to me) less snake-y than any of the others …

          • We’re still talking about the guy who auctioned off his wife and female friends to up the sales of his book, right?

          • What you guys say about Ellsberg may be true as of today, but people change over time. He seems at least able to laugh at things and step back from them. Perhaps with the departure of La Flemme, he’ll change course.

      • I kind of can’t completely hate him because he can kind of string a sentence together (in stark contrast to someone like Donkey), but he does tend to go on and on and on, a tendency he should check. Perhaps the LaPhlegm sunderance will afford him this opportunity.

        • except for the whole irresponsible and dangerous you can cure mental illness with woo no need for therapy and meds

          • I’m always reminded of a patient who swore that he’d cured his tinnitus himself, w/ green beans — harmless, quirky dude who coincidentally came from a very wealthy family but wasn’t allowed to carry cash — we submitted bills to his handlers.

          • Oh wow, I can’t even remember the family name (but I might if I heard it again; or gimme multiple choice; 😉 ) but he’d be late 50’s or more …

          • If you can’t remember then it’s not the nutcase I’m thinking of. His family name is plastered all over everything.

    • Zing! Love it.

      Remember Julia’s “We get it. You’re at Coachella.” bitchpost? But if she makes 11,782 posts about fucking Burning Man in the past six months it’s cool.

    • After what happened to himself and Craigers Failek, best think twice if you come here to WK the donkey cuz your SO is in her grifter circle.

    • @Michael

      I’d like to extend a formal invitation to The Basement.

      Please accept this welcome basket on behalf of the Cat Ladies. Inside, you will find: Mom’s Special Cookies (percocet or vicodin flavored. Make mine a double!), a PBJ or grilled cheese sammich, Star Wars AND Star Trek dvds (that’s right, everyone is welcome here. Even Trekkies.), a tube of Cankleshausen ointment (this will be explained during orientation) and an assortment of blankets and pillows for quality relaxation time.

      If you want, I can ask mom to stop by 7-11 on her way home to pick up some wine coolers. I like peach, but I’m open to other flavors (this topic can be added to the Daily Discussion Board).

        • Crap. You’re right.

          And Funyons. I’ve been obsessed lately with Funyons. Anyone else like them? I feel like @cakez told me once that she likes them. Dang. Now I wish I had some. If I wasn’t so fat and covered in cat fur, I might be able to haul my ass up off the couch and go get some.

          • Jesse Pinkman got me into Funyons. He used to eat them on Breaking Bad so I bought a bag and oh yes. So tasty. Too tasty. Never bought them again.

          • Related: I just learned that Canadia has something called the ‘everything chip’ or something. It’s like the Canadian version of mother goose brand and it’s a Jelly Belly Flop type toss up of leftovers or something.

            I need these chips. Which means the League of Extraordinary Catladies needs to infiltrate Canadia now.

          • Mccakes: are you thinking of “All-dressed”? We have “everything” bagels (which are just like “it fell on the floor and all the other types of sees got stuck style”), but I have never seen “everything” chips. I will look for you though, or if it’s indeed all-dressed (which I think tastes like salad dressing) I will pop those bad boys in the mail for you tout de freakin’ suite if you like. I don’t have a burner email but I imagine you do. Oldies like Sacred Scrapbooks and Fig can affirm I am a lurker from way back, and can be trusted to not make them filled with poison (though they may have sugar, as most things do, which is THE DEADLIEST POISON OF ALLLLLLLLLLLLL.

    • Oy this is cool, but listen to his podcast on “Untangled Love” and you’ll realize that he’s a shitty husband.

  12. At last! An eye-opening dance performance that will undoubtedly result in equal pay for women and safe access to education for young girls in developing countries. What a relief! Amirite?! Fuck all you first, second and third wave feminists! If you’d danced to 40 dusty, baked strangers in the desert, we could have had these things sooner! Selfish bitches. As one, all of womaninity will feel the power of this dance, throw off the shackles of stereotypes, pick up the armor of archetypes and be changed! Where do I sign up for more of this enlightenment?

      • I don’t care who ya are, that’s a good article. Further, it doesn’t even mention jobs held by men & women both that have equal pay scales / grades based on years of service (eg. union jobs; civil service jobs) <– those tend to level out somewhat the remainder of the playing field, not counting commission-pay jobs that are based on performance.

        • Whoa whoa whoa! Hold your horses!

          Forbes, like The Economist, pander to their audience: the execs in big businesses and their admirers.

          Big businesses’ point of view is their ONLY point of view and it can be useful to read them if you want to know what the enemy thinks but, like any other in-house magazine (I am sure tobacco growers have one where they tell you over and over that smoking is great for your health), you shouldn’t take them too seriously.

          This is not the time or the place to debate pay discrimination (I am too busy preparing my interpretative dance performance for Burning Man), but you shouldn’t believe pay discrimination is over just because some chick in Forbes wrote a one-page editorial saying so.

          • I surely didn’t mean to insinuate that the issue doesn’t exist & isn’t ongoing, but I did find the article illuminating, nonetheless. ::shrug::

            Couldn’t agree more re: wrong place & time tho’, cuz it’s tedious to do so in the written format.

            Cheers.

          • You’re retarded. Do you know how many hundreds of people write for Forbes? I’m not going to do your homework for you, but if you look, you’ll find plenty of pieces from Forbes about how “equal pay” is a pressing matter.

          • @Never coming back – I *am* completely retarded (busted!) and I am sure that Forbes is full of articles that say we should raise the minimum wage and tax the rich more.

            My bad.

            I hope you will accept my humble apology.

          • Forbes is one step away from endorsing the return of child labor and the end of the 8 hour day

      • So females (“moms”) work less hours and hence make less money because they have kid obligations that Dads can pass on. What a shocker.

        • That would be accurate all things considered equally; but, I still made less than my male counterparts and don’t have children. Was making more yet, my territory was cut to benefit my male counterpart, who benefited financially at my expense. As was the same with for four other women (no kids) just all the sex descrimination. Not unique. The Forbes article rationale just justifies unethical and illegal behavior.

          • I just wrote like ten different long replies to you and in frustration deleted them because I didn’t want to start a shit storm of male/female inequality. The gist is: I agree with you.
            It sucks.

          • Discrimination absolutely still exists in the workplace, whether or not oft-quoted statistics are accurate or not.

          • Dances-I understand it’s much more complex than what I’ve stated (same holds true for race/religion/retaliation). I sadly write about this topic (in some form) daily. Would be curious to have your take (if interested) bjx bravo at gmail dot com to take it off the page (but I’m gonna blame Beauchamp for starting it)

        • Hey, that’s the price you pay for having lazy cells that didn’t work hard enough to become male while in the womb.

          • Don’t think I’ve ever loved a comment quite so much. Guess I just swim like a girl.

          • I’m loving how Mo’Ne Davis has turned “Throws like a girl” into a compliment! 😉

          • hahah it is great and the come back, if you practice hard you can too!

          • 1. Dick high fives and ass slaps to you, from me. But it’s totally not gay because we’re on the same team. Team men.
            2. My wife and I work at the same place and even though I had more experience, we got the same starting salary. Granted we work in tech, so pay might be more even? I could see the arguement that a wife spends some time raising younglings and, thus, makes less than a guy who stayed on the job and abandoned his family. In my industry, pay is generally based on years worked and projects that you’ve worked on. So, yeah, there could be a man and woman of the same age making different amounts, but that doesn’t mean there is inherent or systemic discrimination.
            Salary is also negotiated in my industry. If someone can negotiate higher, they can start higher. I don’t buy into the idea that a woman who negotiates automatically becomes preceived as a bitch. There’s a difference between being clever and lying about your income from your former employer, and actually acting like an entitled asshole.

            But that’s just my miopic view based on my industry. I would guess that there’s real, actual discrimination going on in all sorts of places, just seems like a lot of media kind of skews the scale of it. I dunno, shit could be super fucked out there. It’s hard for me to see whats really happening with all these stacks of $100 dollar bills blocking my windows.

      • Misses the point and takes an inflammatory stance.

        Hmm. Wait, I’ve got it! It’s a beauchamp comment.

    • Ellsberg on Julia and Devin:
      “Will it be 3 years before you admit that it’s lasting? 5 years? I don’t know.
      And, it may not look like what *you* would want for a relationship. But I think at some point you’re just going to have to admit she’s found lasting love. As sure as I can predict anything, I think they’re going to last.”

        • As sure as I can predict anything, it’s utterly ridiculous for a third party to insist that a relatively new couple will be together forever. Smellsberg never took Psych 101?

          • Especially one that fights constantly and was in couples therapy from the beginning.

      • Love that. Poor dude hadn’t yet realized that “lasting relationships” do not exist on Planet Donkey.

      • “I figured I could be of help, as someone who had gone from being very blocked and miserable around relationships myself, to finding the love and relationship I had been looking for.”

        Ya know what’s going to work out just as well?
        Julia Allison’s book on happiness, that’s what.

    • Also just fell in love all over again with this classic comment:

      “RollsRoyceRevenge says:
      October 1, 2012 at 12:16 am
      Dear Michael Ellsberg,

      About once a day people ask me “when are you going to stop drinking so much, get married and give me grandchildren, you selfish bitch?” And while I have no answer for that, you’ll be pleased to know that I am gathering a group of my favorite people together next week for a vital conference of minds involving, um, let me see, “sex, spirituality, philosophy, art, love, relationships, drugs, mental health and consciousness, sprinkled in with talk about marketing and business.” This is called “every single fucking cocktail party in New York ever” and will cost you absolutely nothing because you are not invited, you creepy mesh shirt-wearing piece of social-climbing sociopathic neo-nepotistic riff-raff.”

      • as a relative newb I had to go back and read the posts that were helpfully linked to — does anyone sense that Gargoyle and Donkey will soon become a couple?

        • I vote that it is unlikely. Their talents overlap (e.g., meeting famous people). Plus, G-doyle is not PAID enough. The only thing drawing them together would be the Phlegm factor.

          • LOVE LOVE LOVE that she feels the need to make him an IMPORTANT part of her wedding in absentia. Name dropping is so BM. Especially “guess who’s NOT coming to my event??”

          • 1) Beauty is a valid Business Value.
            No, no it’s not. These women never met a photoshoot they didn’t like-which is not to be used in place of real business acumen.

          • Showgirl Awakenings retreat for $597 includes, among other things, ‘Private Facebook Group for 24/7 access to your Showgirl Community for support and celebration ($95 value)’.

            Oh, to be a fly on the wall when there’s a late night showgirl crisis that only Facebook can remedy …

          • Policies
            All purchases are non-refundable, unless Soul Art Studio is unable to deliver what has been purchased. If Soul Art Studio is unable to deliver, then a refund will be issued.
            Once a student has made the commitment to do a Soul Art® course, mentorship, intensive or Certification Program, they are obligated to pay the full amount whether or not they complete the program.

            Transbraytion: NO REFUNDS, BITCHES, EVEN WHEN YOU FIGURE OUT WE ARE GRIFTERS AFTER YOU GET HERE.

          • “My intention for the mentorship was: I am embodying my Iconic Essence so I can cell-ebrate creativity.”

            Why can’t these people speak-a the english?

        • From this bitch’s “11-day creativity cleanse:”

          “Creativity is life-force energy! When you tap into your authentic creative expression you tap into your life-force energy and you naturally become healthier, wealthier, full of vibrancy and inspiration.”

          FUCK THE FUCK OFF!

          • We will help you complete two macaroni art pieces made of gluten free materials in various shapes and sizes. You will be able to bring these masterpieces home with you. Framing services are available at $500 per piece using sinker redwood salvaged from streams blessed by divine goddesses of the past. Namaste!

            $1250 per session

        • Of the many things that have me shaking my head over the Self-Wedding in the Desert, the blatant ripping off of her “soul sisters” is near the top of the list. If I were Nisha Moodley, I would be royally pissed.

          I really am wondering if there is/was some kind of Camp Mystic revolt over the wedding, which is what Ali Shanti was referring to in her “whatever happens” note. This would especially be true if Julia is yammering about it becoming a reality show, which goes against the whole non-commercial premise of BM. While this crowd is woo to the max, many of them are in fact long time Burners who go there to have fun and chill out and take drugs and have experimental sex, not to spend a week in a drama spiral about, has anyone seen my peacock blue tutu, no not the cerulean one, OMG why are you sabotaging my happiness just like my mother, (cry-fest), all about mememememe?!?

          Given that Jena clearly nevers the donkey, the theory that Lalala brokered a, hey guys let’s get through the week and then we can re-shift our friendship paradigms peace agreement does not seem too far-fetched. I would strongly posit that Nisha (see above) nevers the donkey as well.

          Julia’s whole Burning Man “journey” has been: SWF Justine Musk (who to her credit seems to have run for the hills) in a “hippie free spirit with billionaire ex. “

          • Oops – the sentence at the end was part of another thought that I edited out because no one needs an essay. The basic premise was, this is BM persona #3. The Justine Musk wannabe one was first. The enlightened woo goddess is now. I actually think that persona #2 – tutus that no one wanted + “princess parking” sign – was closest to her “true self.”

          • A thing of true beauty. Should be used as corrected text for the invite.

            “a drama spiral about, has anyone seen my peacock blue tutu, no not the cerulean one, OMG why are you sabotaging my happiness just like my mother”

          • This is not a group that would be overtly critical due to the “no judgment in Black Rock City” thing, but I can see a number of them shunning her and oh so conveniently having other things to do instead of attending this shitshow. The ripoff of the rainbow nu girls is so blatant. If these woos haven’t already gotten tired of her co-opting their ideas and making them her own, I don’t know how many more times she has to do this before they get the message. Most of these woo women seem to be about sharing a group experience, and that’s at odds with Donkey’s MEMEMEME attitude all the time.

          • These people are reaping what they’ve sown. I have zero sympathy, and indeed am glad she is screwing over her fellow grifters. They deserve it.

          • I am of the opinion donk is a “client” and pays them, so then all of this is billable hours for the woos. Easy explanation.

      • You know who else had a “Rainbow Order”? Charles Manson.
        It’s true. He gave each of his remaining followers a color of the rainbow while he was in prison. That’s why Squeaky Fromme was wearing all red when she attacked the President.

    • How bad do these bints want to be Native American? Or Indian? Or anything except the white chicks from the suburbs that they are?

  13. Here is a view of Burning Man we don’t get to see here, since we only see it through the Eyes of A Donkey and her MING (mentally ill narcissistic grifter) friends:

    http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/997d4422-249b-11e4-ae78-00144feabdc0.html#axzz3BLwXfVG5

    I LOL’d at the part where many Burning Man attendees (those other than the MINGs we follow here) left the festival to help with Hurricane Katrina and Sandy relief — do we know any of these ppl? Are we talking about the same festival?

    • Sandy happened at the end of October, Burning Man is on Labor Day Weekend.

      Not a chance in hell that anybody would even *need* to leave BM to help Sandy victims.

      • sorry. I got so excited at the concept that some people who attend Burning Man do things that are non-woo-related that my wording was inartful. The article said that some of the attendees left the festival to help in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina; and there were burner groups who came together (obviously after the festival, given the dates) to help after Hurricane Sandy.

        • I know some cool, genuinely creative people who go to Burning Man and who also do good works like street murals and renovating parks and Habitat for Humanity. I think the ratio of those people to creepy grifters at Burning Man used to be way higher.

  14. Ummmm can we talk about how Jena’s car got broken into at Walmart and someone commented and compared the violation to rape?! Good Greg, I hate these woo idiots so much. “So violating. Like rape. Sorry, Jena. That doesn’t feel good at all.”

    • We’ve talked about the irony of all these supposed “enlightened” woos shopping at Walmart, right?

      • Someone mentioned it was actually laksa advice to one of them for solving some crisis about lack of boa feathers or lube or or dental dams or something

      • Oh, my sacred material possessions were stolen so I have to go buy some new one-time-use items that were outsourced to China’s exploitative labor market and environmental recklessness (bye bye US manufacturing jobs, hello Beijing smog!).

        There’s a discussion over on Reddit that includes some actual residents of Reno sharing how wasteful and ignorant burners are once off the playa. Here’s an excerpt:

        http://imgur.com/1DrJyl3

    • Poor LaPhlegm was INSIDE THE WALMART when it happened. How traumatizing. Fortunately there will be any number of healing rituals available at No-Judgment City to help her soar beyond the devastation.

    • I have to say that in my experience the only similarity between being raped and having your car broken into is that it’s a fucking waste of time giving a police statement in either case.

    • Karma, and coveted bag of gowns and thongs lost at airport, interesting if true, or cry for attention…

  15. Oh dear. JA posting a beautiful film about a wedding in France right before she marries herself. All of these posts about true love with OTHER PEOPLE are making me so sad for her to walk down the aisle by herself. Maybe if she didn’t, days before, publicly declare many times over how much she would rather it not be this way…

  16. I guess there’s no social media access at burning man, right? So we’ll have to wait another week to make fun of all the MING posts lecturing the peasantry about how transformational and life changing it was. In the meantime, what are we going to do? : : :sigh: : :

  17. I wish Julia or La Flemme would accidentally cross path with some Zetas during their trip to La Playa.

    Like, I think drugs should mostly be legal and I don’t like how the Zetas handle their business… but it’s nauseating to see spoiled trust fund “hippies” going on and on about using narcotics and psychedelic substances when there are _literally_ millions of Americans incarcerated for drug offenses because they couldn’t afford lawyers and didn’t have a trust fund to cushion them from street level drug activity. It’s one thing to use drugs in privacy but another to go flaunting it. And if anyone deserves to be annihilated by a Zetas/ISIS alliance, it’s these fools.

    • AFFles, I know we like to use this place to vent and that you think the Flyover is full of people who would benefit from your special brand of TigerNet-queefed enlightenment, but this crosses a line. To people in border states, the Zetas are a real threat, not just another topic for cocktail party chitchat when you want to feel that you’re doing your bit for The Poors and The Browns. Until you know what you’re talking about, consider shuttingTFU.

    • Jesus fuck, AFF … what in the greg damn hell is wrong w/ you?!?
      Never, never pass up a chance to sit down & STFU, eh?

    • I agree with this part tho

      but it’s nauseating to see spoiled trust fund “hippies” going on and on about using narcotics and psychedelic substances when there are _literally_ millions of Americans incarcerated for drug offenses because they couldn’t afford lawyers and didn’t have a trust fund to cushion them from street level drug activity.

      • ^ This was my main point. Look at all these people flaunting their use of controlled substances while our government chases down people on lower economic rungs to toss them in prison and throw away the key.

        The zetas and ISIS references merely tie back to the real world that these (fake) hippies are insulated from.

        I love how the person just tossed in “browns” and “poors” as if that’s a relevant criticism of me. Da fuq? Do I like that similar to Beauchamp?

        • Well it’s a good point that the wealthy & white float through whilst people with less privilege suffer mercilessly. Like, Michael Brown had ~OMGMARIJUANA~ in his system so therefore his murder was TOTALLY COOL Y’ALL but Ali Shanti and the like can grift their way around the world and it’s just, like, bad manners.

        • Afghani, if you can’t hear how unjustifiably condescending you sound most of the time, there is no point in anyone explaining.

          Beauchamp is just one flavor on the delightful Wheel of Assholery that is the internet. Not being Beauchamp is the internet’s Taller Than Mickey Rooney award.

  18. I have learned an awful damn lot from you catladies and gents and I truly think my eyes have been opened up to a lot of issues I was ignorant about. I think I am way more sensitive to the plight of others, and why certain things I never thought twice about, are truly offensive. And so I thank you all for that. But, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, have we lost all ability to joke about anything for fear someone, somewhere might be offended?

    With softness, absent of condescension, yours truly,

    LRC

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