OMG She is Claiming To Be A Journalist Again

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Stop. Having a Facebook page and writing one first-person piece a year about snagging a man does not make you a journalist. Stop insulting real journalists with this bullshit. Jesus.

 

 

 

273 COMMENTS

    • Seriously. Why would anyone allow her do anything for anybody, ever? If you look in the dictionary under ‘counterproductive’, you will see a picture of Donkey. Same with ‘asshole’.

    • Her left eye looks much smaller than her right eye.

      Something is going on.

      • I THINK SHE’S BACK TO GETTING INJECTABLES FOR SURE. Ooops, caps lock. Also, I’m screaming.

        • It’s ok. Today is CAPS LOCK DAY. (I just found out that’s a thing, or maybe my cat said it was.)

    • Gotta say, I think she looks cute here, WAY better than the usual spackled version. If she took out the ratty extensions and got a cute bob and also a job, she could pass for a grown-up professional lady.

      • Julia Allison’s “hair” (READ: plastic pelts) is so atrocious — is it truly beyond her capability to lose the bobby-pin mullet, get the scraggly crap cut off (that would be up to the shoulders, JuJew), wash it at least every other day & learn how to wield a blow dryer & a styling brush? For someone who claims to be curious, why doesn’t Julia Allison explore basic hygiene for a change?

        • Because it is very brave to be photographed without makeup and with awful hair, silly! She is a goddess warrior princess!

          • Does she dye her hair or something? Or is it just getting bleached dry by the sun at these conferences she goes to? I hate that I’m even thinking about this.

          • Those ends are still growing out from the Miss Advised red dye job. After the show, she had it colored back to a more flattering dark brown, but she hasn’t kept it up. It’s faded with the help of festival sun to reveal the processed, brassy color.

            I guess crowd-sourcing for an OMG amazing hairstylist in SF did not lead to the free offers Julia expected.

          • As someone who also needs a good chop (Donk has already motivated to cut some off) I urge a donkey to get a bob. Also, does she have something against just parting her hair and letting it fall?

        • That hair is an atrocity and seriously grosses me the fuck out. I dye my hair (darker) constantly, I don’t get haircuts more than once every two months usually, and christ my hair is the same length and about 7500 times more healthy. WTF is that???

          • Probably because you don’t spend your weekends baking at “transformative” festivals.

            Also, I’m guessing you wash and condition your hair once in a while.

          • LOL to all of you. It does look like yarn. My god. Between her yarn hair and her boyfriend’s sad little curly-q they both need hair interventions stat.

            I wash every other day. Wish I could go two days but it’s very straight and gets greasy. I’m still trying to figure out exactly what is going on here and exactly WHY ON EARTH SHE CANNOT GET FOUR INCHES CHOPPED OFF.

      • I know, I was going to say that I actually like her better — very little (or no) makeup. No pelts. Hopefully the hair will grow out soon.

        Now, about all the stuff she did not already know as a journalist (how to tell a story?) and had to learn at this late date…

  1. Lulz “Get your story straight” is something that I’m sure pathological liar JA hears quite a bit.

    This is almost as bad as the Loveumentary – although she got a good number of cliches in and one “nitty gritty”- and thankfully short. Still have no idea what her point was…Oh wait MEEEEEEEE

    • I’m sure “get your story straight” is Donk’s mantra, the words she keeps chanting to herself at 3am when she’s just about to go to bed after furiously refreshing her Google alerts.

  2. To show that I am a theriouth journalitht, I will proceed to wave my sausage fingers for the camera and wince and frown like I am having a theizure.

    I will talk about ME, ME, MEEEEE and MYYYYYYY CHILDHOOD and how fascinating I am and how fascinating the influence of MY childhood has been in MY story telling.

    Of course, the only stories I am interested in, are stories about the most fascinating person in the world: ME.

    ME!!! MEEE!!! Look at MEEE!! Mom!! Dad!! Please LOOK AT ME!!!.

    • What I found most fascinating about meeting all of you and attending your workshop was…

      ………………..invisible ellipses………….

      MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Exactly my thoughts watching that shill-shit. MEMEMEMEME.

      I also love how she slams “most journalists” , saying they should be more like her, telling her “story” yet again. That’s not journalism Donkey, that’s a 14 year old writing in her diary.

      Her narcissism is truly majestic to behold. But she really should shut the fuck up and get a real job.

      • This. There is absolutely zero relation between a journalist’s childhood and an article assignment. Zero. Journalists are supposed to tell stories about OTHER PEOPLE.

  3. Her Wikipedia page really needs to be revised. Coobie, the Sun-Times, Story University etc. and anyone else performing perfunctory due diligence will read there that Julia Allison is an American Journalist. Several of the supporting links on her Wiki page are dead, like nearly all of the links supporting her speaking engagements including the one supporting her speaking engagement at MIT. Also, Sony “spokesperson” until 2010.

      • Well, yeah. I vaguely recall some folks arguing for the removal of her page a few years ago. I think there was a comment war on her Wiki page that resulted in permission on that page being locked down. I do remember Jules succeeded in getting the pic of her as a redhead replaced.

        Anyway at this point the page should be removed, you are right.

        • Julia is not notable to anyone outside of the basement here, her Wikipedia page should definitely be removed. And that current photo on it is 8 years old.. WTF?

      • How does one go about getting a page removed? Do you need editing privileges? I might have an ex who is not at all famous (like not even JA level) but really wants to be, and he might have made his own wikipedia page that I think should be removed because it annoys me.

          • Haha, really? I’m glad my scorn is attractive! 🙂 Seriously. But really if you knew the back story. Homeboy is NOT FAMOUS REMOTELY JESUS CHRIST. WHO MAKES THEIR OWN WIKIPEDIA PAGE. Wish I could link to it so hard. It would annoy you too, I promise.

        • I’ve done a few edits on Wikipedia, and am going to probably be more involved with it for work.

          You could create an account and delete it, but I understand enough about Wikipedia that it probably wouldn’t stay deleted for long. Admins at a certain level can see and block IP addressses, so setting up multiple edit accounts wouldn’t work either.

          Or you could delete it citing “notability”:

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:No_amount_of_editing_can_overcome_a_lack_of_notability

          And lastly, they probably have an alert set up if the page is modified, so they’d get notified.

          • Hmm, i could care less if the asshole gets notified. There is no way the page shouldn’t be deleted based on notability, because he is not famous. It’s even flagged on the page when you open it for such issues.

            I’m going to create an account anyway. I love editing and I should get into this. Then, I’m coming after his page, and I will work to make sure that shit is erased. Because he is a non-famous tool.

            God I love new projects!

  4. Her works of fiction ARE on the RBD best-sellers list. Here a just a few titles:

    1. The Coobie Spokeswoman
    2. The 30-Day Coobie Challenger
    3. We Were Seriously Talking Marriage
    4. The NBC Fashion Spokeswoman

  5. I still wish somebody in San Francisco could go to her shitshow this Monday. I will personally pay your entry fee of $20 for the lulz of the rundown and some bits of video.

    • I would go as an observer, but it looks like it’s an audience-participation thing with nametags etc. Also, judging by the panelists in the other cities on the “tour,” it looks like a matchmaking gig.

      • So slap on a name tag that says Rainbow and play Julia. OK, so no, that would be poking the donkey, but just imagining this scenario is pretty funny.

        • Or wearing a tiara and a pink prom dress and asking “Is it ok to ask a guy to pick you up and carry you and beg for a kiss on the first date?”

          • Or a catdude goes as “Devin” wearing a chef’s hat, brussel sprouts falling out of his pockets and rolling across the floor

          • THIS is why I think we should have a RBD meetup festival, with costumes, refreshments, and party games.

          • dance recital today, the lone dude in the class picked up and carried the tiniest of the little ballerinas

            i am imagining that a donkey was never the one picked up

          • Me neither, it’s part of being a statuesque 5’9″, nobody on Earth cares about this but Donkey. And Patti Stanger.

      • Well, they won’t force-marry people on the spot, will they? Otoh, infiltrating an event with earnest singles, genuinely looking to meet someone nice (under the guidance of relationship kryptonite Julia Allison, Greg help them all), would be kind of iffy. Is my coming from a world where the ethics approval committee ruled with an iron fist showing?

        • Yeah, same reason I don’t go to gay bars: if they wanted straight women there, they wouldn’t make it a gay bar. Also, I’d be up for lurking in the shadows just to report back to RBD, but I wouldn’t want to play the role of interested audience member.

          Moreover, I am expired.

      • I guess the catladies are in general a lot less single than the donkey. I bet it burns.

          • We should have a “DonkCon”: cosplay, autograph booths (JP, Jacy, JFA, etc) and all!!

          • Food booths: paper bag sweet potato turds; green juice; cake that says Randi on it; brussels sprouts; pancakes; etc.– all donated for free by our “sponsors.” We could probably even fool Dervin into catering it.

  6. She’s still doing lots of the same facial tics that made her Big Think videos so ridiculous. To her credit, her voice is no longer the husky horror it was.

    • The facial tics annoy me and make her seem inauthentic every time, doing it with no make up does not make it more authentic donkey.

  7. “Storytelling is my livelihood.”

    Legalize, bunnies! Transbraytion:

    I tell lies (my word for lies is stories!) to get my dad to write checks.

    • Uh oh, that woman mentioned “authenticity” as a key to success. I guess that pretending to be authentic doesn’t count. Sorry, Donk.

  8. This is a class for entrepreneurs who want to build a brand and describe THEIR OWN origin story, brand culture, etc. I’m not sure how this is at all helpful for an actual journalist (though we know Julia is a journalist who in fact only reports on herself, a very special niche market). Also I am offended that they call a two day class a university.

  9. I think maybe her editor sent her there to kick start her book… just the timing of it…when she should have been completing her manuscript and getting the first round of edits in and of course she had nada. Than all the “I’m writing my book, sting in on a Friday night to write/rite/right MY BOOK!” posts started shortly after that weekend.

  10. Oh, thank you, that makes more sense. I was wondering about the forgotten childhood memories and why it was so important to have a strong emotional impact. That’s not the first thing I think about when considering “good journalism”. Sounded more like marketing.

    • When I read a news report on say, violence and insurrection in Iraq I definitely want to read the reporter’s childhood or origin stories, for the strong emotional impact. You know, making it about themselves, because that’s what journalism is.

      She is horrid.

      • Aren’t you curious whether the reporter has a boyfriend? Or whether the reporter’s father is a lawyer?

    • exactly!! AND AND didn’t she write a post recently about how you need to study origin stories in magazines to make yourself better.. or pay her to do it???? Was she basically trying to steal Story University’s idea??!?!?

      • Lol, but she “controversially” hates team sports because, ew, competitiveness.

        If she really knew her marketing language, she could try to present CR as an example for a challenger brand, but since she’s inept at everything, it feels safe to say that that’s never going to happen.

        If it does though, the idea’s mine, donkey!

    • But seriously their games have been outstanding. I thought the Uruguay match was a one-time upset…wrong! They’re for real!

      • And they have kept my personal project justice for 2010 on track because now Italy have all the motivation they need to kick g-d Uruguay out of the competition. Yes, I have an intense dislike for Uruguay’s team and that racist Suarez and I stand by it.

        • Suarez is a racist? I’m not doubting, I just don’t know anything about it, or him really, except that a friend of mine thinks he’s cute and another friend told me that he had deformed ears.

          • He was fined for using racial epithets during a Premier League game in 2011.
            He also purposely got himself kicked out of a game during the last World Cup by blocking the ball with his hand. Ghana got an unblocked free kick because of it, but they missed and they would have scored if Suarez hadn’t blocked it with his hand so Uruguay moved on to the knock out round and Ghana was eliminated.
            So, yeah, Suarez is a dick, but I really love Team Uruguay other wise. I think it’s because when they made it to the knock out round in the last World Cup they prepared by having a barbeque that just enormous slabs of beef. That’s my kind of barbeque.
            Also, Diego Forlan is so pretty. https://www.google.com/search?q=uruguay+forlan&client=firefox-a&hs=E7Y&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=sb&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=rAalU8XiIpHooASk7IGgBA&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAg&biw=1366&bih=631

          • Most of these foreign sports things fly over my head.. I did recently read an article about a soccer player that ate the banana some racist piece of shit fan had thrown him.. Fuck you, I ate it.. or something.

            Not really sure why soccer never took off in North America.. I did my part playing in the local AYSO league in the late 80’s..

            But then, I forgot about soccer 15 minutes after the last game in grade 8. Why does the rest of the world continue to obsess about it??

          • He’s also one of the best, if not THE best player in the world. He scored at will for Liverpool this year and he never gives up the the ball. He’s as exciting as Messi to watch. But, yeah, he’s a dick.

          • The world obsesses about it because it is the one true world sport. It’s the US that’s late to the game. I prefer to watch American football, but I do like soccer.

  11. Oh man. Ali is one of ten business “superheros” assigned cartoon characters, like the Incredible Hulk and Superman, and her “cartoon” is a Native American woman. Which is “quite funny.”

    Pic here: http://www.businesssuperherosummit.com/assets/playbook-2014.png

    Ali Shanti shared a link.
    2 hours ago
    Check out how Marisa Murgatroyd portrayed me as a Superhero (my cartoon is quite funny) and come hang with us on July 7 at her Online Business SuperHero Summit. http://www.businesssuperherosummit.com/hero-an?shortcode=3abyw

    • Ah yes, I miss the days when Julie went to a Native American themed bachelorette camping trip on an island off of Florida.

      Sorry, I am weird but that was the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever discovered about donks. Btw, where are all her sisters from that hilarious trip?

  12. She has almost no eyebrows. That’s all I got out of that. That, and I will never get over her nasty horse teeth.

    And her sweater is making me itchy. And cut your fucking hair. And shut up.

    • I get that she’s going for that no-makeup hippie look, and yes, it may be better than the usual spackle, but NOT for on-camera. That is definitely not the time to cut back so drastically on the makeup — not at her age. Only young 20-something’s who actually take care of themselves can get away with that on-camera.

      She looks harsh and tired and yes, itchy — that sweater is hideous. And don’t get me started on the pelts of doom.

      • It’s neither the lack nor presence of makeup. It’s that her years of injections have left her with permanent wonk eye and her veneers are disturbingly gigantic.

        • Agreed. Years of messing around with injections is definitely showing here.

          And I like Greg’s “coarse” description. Spot-on.

      • Doubtful that she knew they’d be doing videos, else she’d have worn make-up, her T&T flipper + a tutu instead of showing up late, unwashed & unkempt. But for the mangy pelts that are so distracting, & the ridonkulous rainbow nails, I’d say she looks ok.

  13. Hey Donkey
    I’m a public speaker too. Today there I was out in public at my local grocery store. Daringly I spoke to the cashier. “No bags” I said, “I’ve brought my own.”
    Then I publically spoke to the server when I ordered my coffee: “Double double please. Scooby Don’t is parched and needs a pickmeup”. The crowd of one behind the counter responding positively to my speechifying as I firmly and decisively spoke my mind. In public.
    As I sipped my well deserved beverage and looked at my canvas bagged produce, I realized Donkey was onto something. This speaking in public is a great way to get results and change my world, one syllable at a time. No more will I whisper my requests in the privacy of my own home. I shall loudly and proudly speak them in public. Thank you for this paradigm shifting revelation.
    Wait that’s what you meant by public speaker right? Someone who speaks in public?
    Because braying aloud in public places to get attention seems to be one of the few skills you have.

  14. I need cat lady help! My man cat is starting his lifelong dream of starting up a brewery and we need lawyer help with a private placement memorandum. Jfa, do you know much about these? We wanted catlady advice before we move to the next step.

    • I strongly recommend that your guy should get in touch with a securities lawyer in connection with preparing this document. It is very technical and can carry some significant ramifications if done poorly. Like exposing him to liability vs. shielding him from liability should the investment go south, not to mention SEC issues. Not to be a debbie downer, but this is a very important document, and to the extent that your dude has a budget for counsel in connection with preparing it, that money would be well spent on specialized assistance at this juncture.

      If you are comfortable posting a budget here for preparing this document, perhaps some of us could point you in the direction of a sec reg lawyer within that budget. If you are not comfortable doing so, perhaps post a throw away email address at which folks could provide you with leads at various budget points.

      Best of luck to your guy, for sure, but this is a critical document that needs to be reviewed by a lawyer knowledgeable of applicable securities laws.

      • Thank you. That’s part of the reason why I’m asking here. When I crowd sourced Facebook people were sending me to Shantytown (small world) and I don’t trust her small business skills or the competence of my friends now. Ill ask him the budget and for now anyone with advice please email me at meadowmr at gmail dotcom

        • WHAT?? People you know on fb actually suggested that Alexis Neely could help your guy prepare a PPM? She has never even held herself out as a securities lawyer! Unbelievable.

          I don’t do securities, but I can tell you one thing: do not hire Alexis Neely to do your PPM.

          I’ll email you any leads in the MD / DC area.

    • This is so cool! Congrats to him (and you). Mr. Bears is a brewer who dreams of doing just this some day, and we will totally do a road trip down to try your BF’s brews when it’s all ready.

      More importantly, I have a good friend who is a very knowledgeable beer blogger and am happy to intro you/him to this guy if you two encounter any weird issues involving alcohol-specific laws and regulations, since he seems to know everything about them and then some.

      • That would be so great omgbears! What kind of beers does Mr Bears like to brew?
        The bf won awards in balto last year for his beer, I don’t want to say which ones in case it gives us away, but he’s ready to quit the 9 to 5 and jump all in to starting up the brewery.
        Thank you cat ladies and gents for the advice/help! You’re the best!!

        • Wow, congrats to your BF on those awards — that’s badass!

          Mr. Bears recently brewed a mean saison that impressed two skeptical friends who came over for beers last night. Saisons and farmhouse ales are probably the ones he ends up brewing most frequently because he does custom beers for events (mostly weddings) and those are usually good options when it’s likely that not everyone in attendance is a beer geek and so there might be people there who are turned off by something super hoppy or sour.

          He insists his best beers have been stouts, though, and that his most disastrous one was when he tried to clone Dogfish Head 120 Minute.

          My beer blogger friend is this guy: http://www.brewyorknewyork.com — he is buddies with a lot of upstart brewery owners in NYC and I bet he would be really insightful since he’s seen them go through this process. I can drop him a line if you guys have brewing industry specific questions.

    • Hi Rainbow Raft –

      I’m a former corporate paralegal and was in the securities area at a top 20 firm. Seconding what Psychodelic Ballerina suggests – this is a VERY technical area, and to suggest Alexis Neely is even remotely equipped to advise on this area of the law, is to laugh.

      I had a suggestion on finding an attorney to draft the memorandum. Check with your local bar association to see what referral services they offer?

      For example, in NYC, the Assn of the Bar offers a referral service and I believe you get the name of an attorney in that area, and can speak to them about your issue for a set amount of time.

      Good luck!

  15. OMG. Pause the video at :42 … dem hooves … asst’d nail colors (bright!)

    D0nkey, you seriously need to grow the fuck up — your seven-year-old cutesy crap is tired & way over yonder on the backside of donkey dementia.

    “As men (not boys), we have to make sure we don’t get stuck dating a girl, it’ll probably be the worst decision of our lives.”

    How many of your stalked exes refer to you as the worst decision of their life?
    (HINT: More than all+)

    Go read 10 Signs You’re Dating A Woman, Not A Girl & get a clue (or ten) if you truly want to quit scaring men off. No man w/ actual things going for him wants to date a 33-year-old lurching-forward toddler.

    P.S. Also, D0nk? Your hair looks like you’re sportin’ hay for easy grazin’.

    • Coincidentally, the Kelly Moore Paint ad that follows that article shows a photo of Donkey’s bedroom.

  16. OT: I think it was Albie who mentioned Edward St Aubyn and the Patrick Melrose novels? Oh my god, I read the first four in two days, and while I’m now blind (I also read the first half of the first Stephen King), THAT was one of the best reading experiences imaginable. Thank you, AQ. Damn. I don’t have the final book and it’s making me crazy.

    • JFAing to say the new Stephen King is fine, adequate. That and the St. Aubyn aren’t in the same world.

    • I don’t know if I was the first to mention the Patrick Melrose novels on here, but they are among my very favorites. And the last one is also magnificent, so you have a treat in store!

    • Big article about Edward St. Aubyn in last week’s New York mag. Wow — rough life. Fascinating piece.

        • Wow. I just spent the better part of the afternoon reading this article with the boycat looking over my shoulder wondering what the fuck I’m so absorbed in. Ordering the books asap. Thanks, basement dwellers.

        • Yeah, I really enjoyed the article. The books sound right up my alley – if I ever finish the Robert Kaplan book on historical geography that I’m currently slogging through, I may even read one. That would, of course, entail reading more than 5 pages before falling asleep, though.

        • I just ordered the first two in the series. Thanks, cat ladies.

          While on vacation, I read the following. There wasn’t a dud among them, although Crazy Rich Asians was pretty frothy/soapy.

          1. Crazy Rich Asians, Kevin Kwan
          2. The Summer of My Amazing Luck, Miriam Toews (not as good as A Complicated Kindness but still awesome with amazing female characters)
          3. The Son of a Certain Woman (hilarious if you’re Catholic), Wayne Johnston
          4. Plainsong, Kent Haruf (loved)
          5. The Bear (holy shit scared the hell out of me), Claire Cameron
          6. Everyman, Philip Roth (depressing as shit to be honest but the writing is lovely)
          7. This Is Where I Leave You (over-rated a bit, I thought, but it’s good)

        • I liked the series, but I think I have a little drug story fatigue at this point. Goldfinch same thing although, again, I liked it. It’s just that those passages are all the same. I’d rather they just use it as a device and speed things along. How many times can I be interested in the mechanics of a jnkie’s journey?

        • Thanks for this. I just bought the kindle of the first four Melrose books.

          The New Yorker piece was a fascinating read.

    • St Aubyn is really a wonderful writer, with such a traumatic past. The Patrick Melrose novels are just harrowing at times. But he’s a great prose stylist.

      I’ve had “At Last”- the last of that series I think, about his mother’s death- on my shelf for almost two years unread, because it arrived when my dad died and I just couldn’t go there. I’ll read it soon though. Very fine writer he is, though, glad you checked him out and appreciated his work.

      • I loved those books. If catladies have any other book recs, please let me know…i’m about to head into summer, where I have actual time to read. I’ve read a lot of what’s been recommended here over the years and it’s all been great stuff!!!

        • Right now, I am super high on Family Life by Akhil Sharma, an amazing novel about a family strained by emigration, then shattered by a sudden tragedy.

        • Catladies, many of the books in my queue (the kind of queue that actually gets worked through) come from you all. So service-y. I’m always psyched when this topic pops up.

    • I’ll make sure to add those to my reading list.
      Currently I am reveling in the glory that is Teju Cole.

  17. All I heard was “screee scree heehaw”.

    OT
    Dearest catfolks, I love wearing flats but it results in having a terrible foot tan despite the slathering of spf 601.

    Any advice on accelerating the fade out of a tan? I look like a damn hobbit with this thing on my feet.

    Thanks.

    • Cut off those offending members!
      (JK; don’t do that. Just being silly halfway into a delicious bottle of rozay on a fine Friday night on the cusp of summer. Speaking of which, wonder what Donkey’s Solstice plans are? Hope they involve high-as-fuck twirling in a filthy pink leotard.)

    • In the meantime, if you’re going out with a different style of shoe, but a little bronzer on those feet.

  18. Journalists don’t “tell stories.”

    “Journalists” are the ones who “tell stories.”

  19. She just left Sedona today. There’s a not so flattering photo of her hiking on her fb. She must have charged a few extra days and stayed with Avocado. She’s going to Chicago in a week.

    • What the fuck re: the shorts. Size up, honey. No one needs to see all that on proud display.

    • Seems like just last week Julia Allison’s purchased fans in the ‘stans fake fecebook followers numbered around 131k … anyone been paying attn? She’d do well to spend Dad$er’s money on some size-appropriate shorts instead.

      The tippy-hooves contortion is to laugh … like, teeheehaw, D0nkey, cuz we can still see water retention bloat in your thighs, so why the pretense that you are a yoga aficionado who The Coobie Store “hired” to rep them, when it’s obvs that you don’t even have the self-discipline to eat healthy for your own self, much less live up to the expectations of your imaginary employer?

  20. Julia Allison
    2 hours ago
    “When I went home that day, I was still broke and obscure, but at least I knew I was brave.” – Elizabeth Gilbert on her first attempt to get hired (by walking in off the street, unbidden and uncredentialed) at a famous magazine in New York

    Just. No.

    And no again.

    And then no a few extra times just to underscore the point, Julia. You are not Elizabeth Gilbert. Not that that would be a good thing to be, anyway. But your book will not sell the way Eat Pray Love did. And you will not go on to some kind of serious jouralithm career because of it.

    • I hated “EPL” but have you cats already discussed “Wild”? I stayed up way too late last night finishing it. I really liked it, had some issues with it, but oof. I cried.

      • I had really high expectations for Wild, seeing as I also found myself lost and uprooted in a pretty bad way (thankfully no hard drugs were involved) after my mom passed away when I was in my early 20s, and similarly I found solace in the outdoors. I ended up strongly disliking the book, mostly because I think my expectations were too high as a result and there were things I was hoping Wild would be that it wasn’t, but I also think Strayed gets too much into her own head sometimes and relates experiences that come across as incomprehensible to the reader. (This happened WAY more in the last third of EPL a lot, where Elizabeth Gilbert seemed to throw the idea of talking to the reader out the window and was just ranting.)

        I wish she’d talked more about connecting with the land & environment, which I feel like she didn’t do in full until she got to Crater Lake. But then again, I went into reading Wild with absurdly high expectations of what it would be like and how I would connect to it, which was probably not how I should have approached it.

        • I felt the same way about Wild. I had super high expectations because I read Strayed’s “Dear Sugar” first and it was so fucking amazing I like, cried publicly on an airplane. I felt like Wild fell kind of…flat. But I still love Cheryl Strayed. Pick up Dear Sugar if you haven’t already. It’s fucking amazing.

          • I read Dear Sugar too. I agree, she does sometimes get hung up in her own experiences and they’re not 100% relatable, but she seems very kind and empathetic and forgiving and I really liked her warmth.

    • Realized that the transbraytion of the Gilbert anecdote is this:

      “When — unbidden and uncredentialed, my loves — I created a faux ad campaign for Coobie bralettes featuring moi moi moi, and then conned the Chicago Sun-Times into declaring me Coobie’s “new face,” I returned to my laptop to namecheck myself and my hate site anew. I was still broke and obscure, but at least I knew I was brave.”

      When I went home that day, I was still broke and obscure, but at least I knew I was brave.” – Elizabeth Gilbert on her first attempt to get hired (by walking in off the street, unbidden and uncredentialed) at a famous magazine in New York

    • Here’s the main problem — Gilbert can write like a son of a bitch. She was quickly scooped up by GQ and made a very nice living as a freelance writer for the national mags. (Have met her a few times at lit parties and she is supremely cool and nice, great energy.)

      She parlayed this and got a book deal (a real book deal, ie; met her deadlines) and EAT PRAY LOVE…

  21. is it just me or does this sound like she is MOVING to Chicago in July?

    Julia Allison
    6 hours ago
    Going home! For at least a week: then, in July, to Chicago! — traveling to San Francisco, California from Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport – Terminal 2.

    • I read this as “Going home [to San Francisco]! For at least a week: then [after that at-least-week at home], in July, to Chicago [for a visit, in a place that is not home]!”

      I am stoned, though, so.

    • Avocado is touring and there’s no new hippie fest nearby and she can’t stand to be with herself. She probably air bnb’d the SF place. That metamind thing was so full of freaks. I started to look at the fb profiles of some of the attendees tagged by Shanti and what a bunch of yuck.

    • For at least a week: then, in July, to Chicago!‘ doesn’t make sense to me, but then again, Julia Allison’s tortuous & mangled writing seldom does.

      Ever since Julia Allison hoodwinked the Chicago Sun-Times w/the bogus press release re: being “hired” as the new face of The Coobie Store, I’ve considered it as preamble to her once again slinking back to the Baugher’$ OMG Downtown Condo w/ her tail between her legs. I’d wager a small bet on it …

          • Mom$ers has a crap writing voice, utterly inauthentic, desperately trying to be funny, big words instead of big ideas, conflating “we” for “i” … whoa .. sounds so familiar

  22. that “acquired” art was surely a free grift

    Julia Allison
    “My new art!!! A gift from the artist himself, Francesco Gastel. I call it “The Tutu.” I smile every time I see it:”

    • I can’t see the photo, but I am guessing it is the same picture she bragged elsewhere about buying. Her first piece of large art or some shit?

      She has really spun off the rails.

      • The thing is, in her original post, she said it was/would be hanging in her front hall, and was 36″ x 31″…The above looks significantly smaller.

        Whatever. It’s small potatoes, but Jesus Christ, can she just NOT LIE about ONE thing?

  23. you know who is an author, an author surrounded by books? emily gould, that’s who, profiled in the nytimes and insufferable in a different flavor; book excerpt on amazon is utter navel gazing semi autobiographical crap, revealing in new ways what a crappy human she is

    • I have never understood how, post-Gawker, she ever managed to get anyone to listen to a word she says.

      • i hate read the free excerpt on amazon, and the things ascribed to the character appearing as her, omg

    • I loved how the first or second graf of that story proclaimed that she’s not about attention-getting. Yes, so private and above it all says the writer with the hair-trigger google alert on her name.

    • I think I read somewhere that she got a VERY GENEROUS six figure advance for her first book, but it sold, like, twelve copies, did not come near earning out… and then she could not get second book deal, and was surprised.

      • Yes, she did a piece on Medium about her debt/post-book financial collapse. I’d summarize the backlash, but I’d have to put down my vodka, and I just am not willing to take that step.

        • We talked about it here. Honestly, she was kind of silly about the whole thing, but she owned up to that more than I expected.

          Then she got a $30,000 advance for her novel, which is pretty good for a first-time novelist, and doubly so for someone whose publishers took a bath on her previous book. So honestly I don’t see what she’s got to complain about except her own poor financial decisions (though, again, she owned up to that more than I had expected).

          I didn’t hate her first book, but I’m not going to read her novel unless someone assigns it to me for a review. I liked Choire Sicha’s book a lot more than Memily’s.

          • I promise I’m no “Nancy in Marin,” but I feel like standing up for Emily Gould. I usually enjoy her writing voice, but that is neither here nor there. She has finished books, and is employed. I think Emily Books is smart and thoughtful. I just mean that compared to Julia Allison… well, there is no comparison.

            I have never met Emily Gould. And y’all know I’m mean as a snake.

          • You make a good point, Dusty—I was comparing EG to other actual writers. Compared to Donkey, she’s Marie fucking Curie and Virginia Woolf rolled into one, what with the “working at a job,” the “having a regularly updated website with actual content,” and the “publishing two books.”

            Although I bet what frosts A Donkey’s cupcake even more is that EG has a longtime and by all accounts happy relationship.

          • And she’s getting OMG MARRIED in October, which will probably involve an OMG WEDDING ceremony, which will possibly be acknowledged in the OMG NYT. Suck on that, Donkey.

    • Ooh, thanks for pointing this article out, I have kind of followed her since that 2008 NYT magazine cover.

    • Wow, doesn’t Debbie Seltzer feel like a MILLION years ago?

      What a pathetically sad/crazy year she’s had.

      REMEMBER DEVON!

    • And I’m just curious if her building’s HOA even allows the AirB&B option.
      If you had an actual home you’d bought with items of value, why would you even want to allow strangers to use your home as a temporary crash pad?!
      (guess I’ve read too many of those AirB&B horror stories)

      My condo building is beyond leery of AirB&B and has recently sent out notices to all us residents that we will be fined up to $300 if it’s proven that any of us are listing our units on that service. The exact phrase used for rationale behind this decision was, “For the safety of our community, we do not want to see home values decreased due to some residents feeling entitled to offer their units as hotel rooms.”

      ‘Residents feeling entitled’: it’s like they wrote that phrase with Julia and Derpin in mind!

      • SF doesn’t allow stays under 31 days for OWNERS. She is basically subletting her rental apartment, which is against the terms of her lease and if the landlord/owner finds out she will either be given a serious warning or be evicted. Owners don’t screw around with this anymore. The potential liability is off the roof for them.

      • Donk put a roommate ad on Craigslist months ago (after the Derpin breakup), in typically vague language (“Looking for an amazing roommate or subletter, starting in a week or maybe a month, for the summer or maybe longer. Maybe I’ll be around and maybe I won’t. I’m a super-healthy journalist with a busy career. Burners preferred!) Some if us saw it and then poof it was gone like the same day. Probably busted by her landlord.

        • I remember she mentioned “through October” in that ad too, which is maybe when the lease is up. I wonder if her trip to Wilmette is going to involve wheedling to keep the place in San Francisco. It could also partially explain the Coobie fauxtoshoot (“It’s the best place for location shoots for me, their spokesperson!”) and why it was so important for her fake release to get some traction in the one place Momsers and Dadsers would see it.

          I hope they tell her that no, October is the end of the road and after that she has to pull her own weight. If this happens, I expect her to freeload off her friends for a while until she wears out her welcome

          • I’d assumed that she’d be traveling the country in the Crappiness RV all summer, but since the RV clearly doesn’t exist, your scenario makes more sense. Didn’t she move in Oct. 2013?

          • Remember when she swore on Facebook that she’d bought that RV? Such a liar.

            Yes, I think she did move to SF in October ’13.

          • Remember when Lasagna dropped in on RBD & spilled that (among other things, including neglect & abandonment of @LillyDog) Dusty D0nkey did indeed have an RV?

            The general consensus was that if an RV came to be, that it was after D0nkey took an RV to Burning Man when it was a clear violation of an RV rental agreement & that via Dad$er’s credit card, an RV was inexplicably purchased.

            Sounds plausible, but I’m doubtful that he’d have kept the damn thing, even though his widdle girl wanted to play Camper Barbie w/ her fake boyfriend Derpin.

  24. Nancy!

    Julia Allison shared a link via Spirit Science.
    10 hours ago
    Fantastic tips.

    11 Ways to Decalcify Your Pineal Gland Regardless Of Your Age
    thespiritscience.net
    A little history behind the pineal gland (from wikipedia): “The pineal gland (also called the pineal body, epiphysis cerebri, epiphysis, conarium or the third eye) is a small endocrine…
    1 ShareLikeLike · Share
    8 people like this.

    Nancy Eaton Julia, this is quackery! Read this: http://biologyweeps.tumblr.com/post/71232361448/on-quacks-and-the-pineal-gland
    about an hour ago · Like

      • Yes, it’s so easy to get banned by inner raging Julie.
        So evolved! So changed!

    • The LAST person I’d listen to about the pineal gland, which produces the melatonin that’s essential to a healthy night’s sleep, is Julia Allison, who stays up all night looking at her Facebook under the artificial glow of a computer screen.

      • What’s real nasty about that link is how it encourages folks to avoid fluoride. Let’s avoid giving Julia an excuse to avoid toothpaste.

  25. Gross. MegaTits is on ACCESS HOLLYWOOD (rerun?) right now (CBS) & the guy is calling her “Meggie Mack” (something about being a DJ now?). She doesn’t look the sane anymore.

  26. that absurd camp photo she posted is from a series with this on facialbook

    CAMP GROUNDED 2014 HIGHLIGHTS!!! by levi felix

    ultra irony, no photos, except for our marketing photos. no text or phone except for our cash money calls. so cray, so blanca
    funny she did not link or credit, must have been some hate

  27. This month’s Elle is the “Social Media” issue. Funny, there’s no sign of our Guinea Pig of Love, despite how “on brand” (or like on her 2009 brand?) it is. There’s even an article about how to use social media to be micro famous, making fun of the idea, by going to fashion week and courting attention and buying followers and having a cute prop pet. And yet, “Elle contributor” Julia is nowhere to be found.

    • And they gave a dinner in honor of “Women in Tech” this weekend, and guess who wasn’t invited. And guess where the dinner took place. San Francisco.

      ELLE didn’t even invite their top journalist!

  28. Once more I beseech you San Francisco catpeeps to please take one for the cat team and go to the Donkey show on Monday. I want to know how many (few) people show up, how often Donkey ruins the moderation, how batshit crazy that dude on the panel is, and what other snake oil they’re trying to sell.

    • If I could be anonymous I might, but I think you have to participate. (BTW I’m in the area but not in SF, or else I’d be more outraged about A Donkey’s presence. It’s bad enough that she’s in CA. Take her back, Chicago or New York!)

      • I don’t think they would force participation. It might be hard to get a ticket without using a credit card, though, and I think they said no tickets sold at the door. Still, I’d love to be a fly on that wall.

      • NYC would be really hard for her to return to. It’s as unforgiving as ever and things here have changed dramatically. She is never coming back here with her hippie burner bullshit – this town is too tough for her.

      • I was outraged she and Shantitown flew through Phoenix and were in the state at all this past week. So many unsuspecting “clients” with all the retired folk out here.

  29. Oh honey, no. She just posted a song. I think she now thinks she is a singer because Avocado can autotune her and run her through Garage Band.

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