Greatest Love Ever Known, V. 3,093


Here we go again. Run, Avocado! The moment she starts to believe a dude is the love of her life, yet again, is the moment the inner psycho-hosebeast emerges. Protect your passwords!

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  1. This could get good if she starts that whole Greatest Love Ever Known™ shit again 🙂

    • Wrong … those moldy prom dresses Julia Allison hangs as “decor” are eleventy jillion X worse … equally hideous AND functionally obsolete.

      • True. Still, I don’t think I’d mistake them for floating hooded emissaries of the Pit of Legion, so there’s that at least.

  2. Dude is more likely to slip into a self-induced drug coma w/ zeh D0nk.

  3. If she spent the same amount of energy on getting a job instead of finding love she would be at fuck you money now.

  4. Oh, lord, that new cover picture. Her yoga form is horrendous, and she looks 60 years old in the face.

    I don’t think she’s referring to Avocado here. I think Avocado is the new Greasy; a “dear friend” she’s banging while simultaneously wallet-hunting.

        • I wondered if she was going for this Tim West dude? But agree that she has her eye on Kittay. Not going to happen, though.

          Remember when she showed up to “convince” us that she and that DeStorm Power guy were dating?

  5. Julia Allison is as deep as her 2nd fridge magnet. At least the magnet can hold something down.

    • Exactly.

      Leave it to Donka Allison to reduce a great writer to a napkin scribble.

      (But it’s done with an antique typewriter font! See??? I am deep and well read!! I dig Hithtory!!)

      • Devin Stetler's OMG Sexy Downtown Typewriter with One Sad Torn Sheet of Lined Notebook Paper (Tingolayo)

        You rang/actualized?

    • Craig Filet o’ Fishdick needs to change his… Ali is getting really fucked up, logging into his Facebook, and confusedly posting shit

  6. Meanwhile after making a scene at her 5th reunion, not a peep about her 10th Georgetown reunion this weekend…

    • My sister in law is headed to G’town for her reunion this weekend. They are all staying at the Four Seasons — they know how to do it right.

      Also — infuriates me that Donk is appropriating FSF for her dopey love affairs. (The quote was re he and Zelda, which really makes me insane.)

  7. Fitzgerald’s wife was nuts. Institutionalized nuts. She also fucked any man who said go.

  8. Yeah I daydreamed of idealized notions of love too. When I was like, 19, 20. I thought I deserved a perfect prince of a man. I was attractive, funny, smart, hellooo… who wouldn’t want this?, was my attitude. Then I dated a bunch of assholes. Then I questioned my intelligence, looks, and self worth. Then I realized I am ok, but I am no fucking peach to deal with either. Then I said the hell with “intimacy”, I’m just going go out with a bunch of dudes and not answer to anyone. Right after I decided that, I met my husband. I wonder if we have the kind of thing people like Julia would want. I’m sure, she would say ew, no. We want to kill each other some times. We used to have drink-throwing fights, which never happen anymore because like a new couch, our relationship has settled and our asses have found our comfy spot. He has BO a lot because he works hard. It doesn’t bother me. I mean, I just don’t fucking care. He loves my cooking, yet I can tell him I’m sorry but I don’t feel like cooking dinner tonight and he doesn’t bat an eye, just asks where we want to order out from, cause he could give a fuck about making me feel guilty, he just wants to eat cause he’s a guy and guys get grouchy when they are hungry so stop taking it personally, bitches. We both quietly acknowledge that we don’t want another kid for the sole reason that we would be outnumbered, and that will not do. We like talking to each other. But we piss each other off and its not the end of the world and I don’t have to cry to ten girlfriends about it. A lot of times he falls asleep on the couch and I cannot wake his ass up. Oh and he sometimes says things to people in a group setting that I diasagree with and I bite my tongue because its best to be a united front and argue it out later, not in front of people and be that douchey couple that everyone hates.. But after years of marriage, I can give him “the look” and this is like a perfect secret power that I knew existed, but never possessed myself before. So that’s pretty cool. I could give a fuck what he wears, except in extreme situations. He loves me when I am a completely unlovable wench. Is this the romantic, novel-worthy “intimacy” that people like you talk about on your FB page, Julia? Would you post this and drool over it with your stupid friends? I guess I am okay with not being that person who gets tears in their eyes over a fucking fitzgerald quote, is what I’m saying. I used to be like that, but I grew up. Maybe that’s tho thad, I don’t know. So, good luck chasing perfection, Julia and thanks for the inspiration for this verbal mudslide. Sorry everyone.

    • She’ll never have anything that cool. She’ll never stop wallet chasing & playing the OBOe, that stupid checklist was a Bravo prop, and is permanently dark.

    • Word. Good for you. Most ppl prob have marriages like this and most ppl don’t admit it. It works for you and that’s awesome.

      At this point I’ve limited my requirements to super smart, good taste in music and books, has job, hot/good in bed (or willing to learn). I don’t think these are too much to ask and I don’t (and never did) dream of some magical fairytale. She has no clue how real life works. AT all.

      And don’t assume she feels anything, ever. She doesn’t appreciate that quote, at all. Only as it applies to her and it’s not about feeling, it’s about convincing herself and others she is worthy of jealousy and envy.

    • I am with you, Dances. I likewise thought I was hot shit earlier on and deserved a fucking prince, but then I moved to a huge city in between college and law school and dated a stream of total assholes. After asshole #3453453464 and giving up completely on meeting my husband in law school, I started doing whatever the fuck I wanted with whomever I wanted and after about 3 months of that I met my husband. He’s great, I’m great, we’re great, but we are far from perfect. I can obviously be a huge foul-mouthed bitch sometimes, and he farts WAYYYY too much. Like, I have sent him to get his gastro system checked out more than once. He wears nose strips to bed; they are not sexy but whatever it helps him sleep. He went through this horrible phase where he would scoop one scoop of peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon and walk around the house eating the scoop of peanut butter and then would just leave the peanut butter spoon wherever he was at the time. As a result, I would find peanut butter spoons EVERYWHERE. On the fucking mantle. In the bathroom. On the ottoman. One time I lost it and yelled at him about it while brandishing a recently-found peanut butter spoon and mid-rant spotted yet ANOTHER peanut butter spoon on the dining room floor somehow UNDER the table and was just like what the FUCK, husband?? Are you doing this to fuck with me on purpose??

      We’ve gotten into fights in the car on the way to parties that end in my not even wanting to look him in the eye. He thinks I am the worst driver in America. But I love him and we live together day in and day out in relative harmony and we each put up with eachothers’ shit just fine. Itz normal.

      • Trying not to shake the bed from convulsive laughter over the peanut butter spoons and wake up my huscat, (who also farts A LOT).

      • Holy shit. As a huscat myself I’ve got to try this peanut butter spoon thing. That’s fucking diabolical and hilarious.
        After 5 months of leaving spoons in the bathroom, I’ll point my wife to your comment and we’ll have a good laugh while she finds another peanut butter spoon behind the computer.

    • He has BO a lot because he works hard. It doesn’t bother me.

      I love you so much for this. Like, seriously. It’s LMRO but it’s also really sweet.

    • You’re all awesome; thanks for not thinking I’m a total nutjob (or just thinking it secretly.) I don’t even know if I made a point. I see so many of those smarmy, passive-aggressive, artsy-looking “This is what love SHOULD be…” type of quotes on people’s FB pages, and they are always from miserable, selfish bitches who think the perfect relationship is going to fall into their laps with no effort. There is no perfect, so just stop. And/or look in the mirror.

      Also, Lurker: I literally loll’ed at the peanut butter spoons. Thank you for sharing that.

    • A mutual commitment to crushing substance abuse. Also, proof that Julie is unfamiliar with the Fitzgeralds.

      • Yes, the context of this quote is hilarious and shows Donks has no idea what she’s talking about. Taking the quote out of context, however, well, the possibilities are endless!

      • never have i ever been so tempted to barge in and capslock ITS ABOUT DRUGS, DONKEY

    • You mean Donk’s effervescently insightful intellectual commentary, “mmmm,” doesn’t make that crystal clear to you?

      • Ah, yes, Guac Cock and Donks caught a joint case of food poisoning.

        • Either that or Donks’ sausage craw accidentally slipped into David Block’s asshole and he kinda, sorta liked it.

  9. EnTIREly Off Topic:
    For those of us whose glory days weren’t in junior high/high school, this “Throwback Thursday” shit fucking sucks.

    • Post a pic of Greg Brady or an 8-track player or something. (Oh wait, that’s my old expired childhood.)

      • What I liked about 8 track tapes is they would just keep playing if you let them. They didn’t stop like a record or a cassette tape.

      • I am an old who does this, give us a break. It’s for friends and family from long ago. I know it sounds weird and probably lame, but it’s fun to see what my friends looked like as kids or young adults now that we are a lot older and have changed, have grown kids, etc. I have a friend who was a groupie and I never know which famous vintage rock star she will post a pic with next. Last week was Zappa. I guess you have to be an old to enjoy it.

        • I am an old … give us a break

          Me too, but I’m one who personally has zero fucks to give when it comes to acquiescing to all the wants of any other generation, much less justifying myself to any of ’em.

          Besides … “WTF Wednesdays” are the best. 😉

      • it is taking every bit of my self-control to not post this to my wall right now.

        I enjoy the tbt pics from my aunts and cousins from when they were young, those are fun to see since it’s family and they’re things I wouldn’t see otherwise, but the tbts from all of my old middle/high school peers? I want to rage stroke every time I see them. photos from the senior year boat trip on the ‘spirit of philadelphia’ makes me especially mad, since I didn’t even go on that fucking trip because all of my evil ‘best friends’ were all angry at me for whatever fucking random reason they had come up with that week and the thought of going on the trip and being ignored killed me. I literally did not go to school for three straight weeks in the last few months of school, right before ap exams, because the thought of having to sit alone at lunch and not be talked to in any classes gave me anxiety. but, yay, tbt, high school, best years of your life, weeeeeeee!

        but the problem with tbt is the problem with facebook in general: it presents a picture of someone’s life that is completely glossy and shiny, not at all realistic, and makes those looking in from the outside feel like their life is “less than” because they’re not seeing the whole picture.

        though I am enjoying seeing one particular former elementary/high school acquaintance dress her poor daughter in the most awful, etsy-sourced outfits ever. they just got back from disney world and the poor child was dressed in outfits that seriously look like she belongs in the fucking circus. these are obviously not outfits the kid is going into kids-r-us and picking out herself, they’re outfits her batshit insane mom is looking for and buying on etsy and wherever else. they are fucking costumes, not clothes. one day I am going to see one of these pictures and not be able to resist sending her a message saying “hey, remember how everyone made fun of me in elementary school for going on trips to to disney world and wearing clothes with disney characters on them? you know, when I would get picked on so badly I would end up having to go to the nurse’s office because I was crying so hard I was hyperventilating? congratulations, because of your ridiculous need to dress your kid in super-fucking-twee costumes, you’re giving her a one-way express ticket to the same place I was in. better start saving for the therapy!”

        ahem. sorry. clearly I have lots of feels about this. fuck tbt, and, really, fuck facebook.

        • Word. I quit Facebook a few years back.. Once you’re in your 30’s it’s all just baby photos, inspirational quotes and annoying B.S. 🙁

  10. Barf, no you didn’t.

    Julia Allison
    3 hours ago near San Francisco, CA
    I’ve been doing yoga barefoot at the Palace of Fine Arts with Lillydog every morning for the last few weeks when I’ve been home in SF … and today as the sunshine hit my face during a hip opener, I thought “Holy s–t, THIS is heaven. I’m actually IN heaven right now. I’ve been looking and looking outside of me, but it’s right here, in this grass, in this simple pose, at this very moment.”

    When I think to the peak experiences I’ve had in my life, they are often alone, in moments like this – simple moments, moments in nature, moments uplifted by music or dance, moments when I feel completely connected to my own heart, to my breath, to being complete with what I have, not reaching for what I don’t.


    I’ve gotten to the point where I read Donks’ and Ali Shanti’s fb posts and have this immediate no you didn’t, LIAR, stop lying reaction. I’ve been doing yoga with my dog in a park every morning. No, you haven’t. Otherwise there would be pics of you doing said yoga in the park with said all over the place on fb. Shut up. I made millz! and just follow these easy steps . . . no you didn’t. Shut up and no I won’t buy your dumb shit. Ugh.


      David Block but it just depends what people come out with, I have no idea how much I will love what ya’ll create. I’m also thinking that this will be the beginning of something larger than just the music I create for “The Human Experience” and will encompass all of my work as public speaker, designer, and some of the other ways I express myself, which includes many genres of music
      4 hours ago · Like · 1


      • my work as public speaker, designer

        The designer who can’t even design his own damn album cover has speaking engagements WHERE?

          • A keynote that consists of posing in front of a lectern at Julliard, followed by pizza, handfasting, and a strange burro who refuses to stop dancing, even though there’s no music. All undergrads are encouraged to attend!

          • I was a musician for several years, before I became afflicted with oldness. Oddly enough, I was never asked to give a key note.. Or maybe it was bass player descrimination! Damn them#$%!!

        • This has Donks’ hooves ALLLLLLL over it. Profeshunal!

          And yeah, designer???? PULL UP YOUR PANTS.

        • “public speaker.” orly??

          You know what I love? That I have almost uniformly brilliant friends, good at their respective jobs, and/or amazing artists (I mean, goddamn amazing) or just have jobs/are smart as hell/don’t pretend everything is fairy farts.

          She has friends/boyfriends like this. Stop bragging about your shitty music, trust fund dumb haired moran. God, EVERY PERSON she is associated with is lame.

          I do judge people by the people they keep company with. And I side-eye her so hard that she is friends with these lame boring freaks.


        Judged. Sit down white boy. The last guy I dated was like, an amazing guitarist. You know how I found out? Not on his goddamn OKC profile or his FB page or what have you. When he played a song one night when I asked him too and he just busted out and was amazing. Some people can be actually good at things, unlike this asshole, and not brag about it.

        Actually, make that most people. Why this is pissing me off I have no idea. I just hate when shitty people think they are not shitty at shit, especially artistic endeavors. If you were a real artist you wouldn’t date a talentless hack.

      • No shit. She’s been “home,” what, maybe 10 days max? Why does she lie about the dumbest shit?

        • No, 4 days max. Wasn’t the Custom-made Bear Coat absconded with from the purple (OMG) backstage couch in the early hours of the wind-down of Smutz in a Bottle 2014?

    • You dummy, you hate being alone. You never have your dog with you. You’re never in SF.

      every morning that she’s “home” in SF=3 or 4 times max

      Donk, who’s your supervisor? What tee-hee issue has Supe Wiener (no, he’s not yours) been involved in? How can you get from the Embarcadero to the Castro? Who are/were The Twins? Who is the Bush Man? Name 3 infielders for the Giants. Name 3 good vegetarian restaurants. Name the conductor of the SF Symphony. Name one dancer for the SF Ballet. Name 3 California missions, plus the one in your city. Name the mayor.

      I didn’t think so.

    • She’s just making shit up for her “book.” See? Two paragraphs right there. Progress.

    • If you were in heaven you wouldn’t need to tell everyone.

      If you had a fucking job you wouldn’t be able to do yoga 24/7.

      You don’t bring your dog, liar. Where do you tie up the poor thing? Does she just roam around? That sounds enjoyable for her.

      Why can’t you ever say anything in 50 words or less? Some great writer you are. Fuck. STFU.

      “I’m so happy! See me being happy!” When I’m happy, esp in a relationship, or doing my hobbies, or you know BEING GOOD AT MY JOB, I don’t brag about it online. At least, not incessantly. Maybe a mention here and there. But I don’t pretend I am OMG SO HAPPY because, no one does that shit.

    • Ugh, and she posted her cover photo with the Sanskrit phrase for “may all beings everywhere be happy and free.”

      Yes, I totally buy this spirituality and dedication, especially after her post a couple of weeks ago being like, “I need to become like five times more flexible but I don’t think it’s possible [because I’ve ruled out working hard at yoga, every day, for a long, uninterrupted period of time, just like I’ve ruled out working hard at anything.]”

      I get up at 4:30 every morning to do my practice before work. I work two jobs to save the money to pay for my annual trips to India to study with my teacher. And in all the years I’ve practiced, I’ve probably posted about yoga on Facebook less than half the number of times that she has in 2014 alone.

    • Barefoot yoga at the Palace of Fine Arts? But this is excellent. It is avian-poop central there, and she will contract liver flukes or some other parasite in short order.
      P.S.: “Holy s__t this is heaven.” You so edgy and such a dichotomous goddess, loser donkey.
      P.P.S.: DONKEY!

    • When exactly do these morning classes take place and how can she attend them if she’s up all friggin’ night long??

  11. Judge if you like but I am sick as a dog and just watched20 minutes of “Extreme Cougars” (who knew there was such a show?) and one of these crazy ladies is handfasting to her 21 year old lovah. Until this Ali nonsense exploded here I had never heard of this. Is this a commonly known thing? Is this yet another pocket of ignorance of mine?

    PS I miss you all writing “beewbs.”

    • DUDE, so THAT’s where I’ve heard the term. I’ve watched that show and am so not judging you. Was it the ep where they also showed a couple of Civil War re-enactors who had actual muskets and cannons and shit, and their adoption counselor was like, “Um, this isn’t exactly a safe environment for children”?

      I remember that handfasting and the Easter Island (Stetlers) type of setting, and they jumped over a broom or something.

  12. I’m about to slip briskly into a coma. Shows how little I know, I thought he’d already moved on and was thinking I needed to update my user name. Looks like, what? Maybe another two weeks out of it?

  13. No, but the musket episode was previewing during the handfasting. It was in some canyon setting with a 53 year old who was handfasting to a 21 year old she had known since he was 14, when he was dating her daughter. No cougar hate here but that is so gross.

    • No, that is super uncool. You don’t date your friend’s exes and you sure as hell don’t date your DAUGHTER’S exes.

    • The musket people are so geeky and happy that they’re kind of awesome. Also, their house seems to feature genuine Cheeto dust and fur balls along with the unexploded ordnance.

    • The musket episode? WTF? Was somebody reenacting the Boston Tea Party? Is there a link to this atrocity?

  14. Perpetually unemployed Donks thinks you need to WERK!!

    Click. If it is not worth your time I will buy you a burro-ito. Sure it’s old, but it’s only more and more funny.

    • She thinks she’s so world class important here and all donkey is doing is lip synching like a drag queen (can I still use that moniker or will the PC police hunt me down?) does at 3 a.m. in the local gay bar, to a song that was sung by a drag queen. So meta. So stupid. So Donkey. Rambin’s fucking hot, however, even if she has two left feet. (Too Beauchamp?)

    • Wow, going down the rabbit hole I found this one too. Jesus, how the mighty have fallen. She thought she had everything, and quite frankly, had she just WORKED, she could have made something of herself. Now she’s sucking Avocado dick at stinky woo-woo festivals.

      • That looks like it could have been the opening to their “IT Girls” show that never happened.. I’d still love to see the pilot for that show 🙂

      • I actually think Pointy comes across really well in this video – she looks fun and natural and smiley.

      • Holy shit, I love these old videos. Those three, in particular Donks and MareMare, were SO high on their own fumes. They really thought they were about to make it into the bigtime.

    • the grasp (or lack thereof) on “left” and “right” in this is terrifying.

  15. Yes. Because Fitzgerald (and all of his characters, for that matter) was a paragon of healthy and balanced relationships.

  16. Thanks, you assholes. Because of you, I watched What Maisie Knew and am now super depressed. And because of Alexander Skarsgard, I have magically sprouted ovaries.

    • Remember the scene when Skarsgard first meets Steve Coogan, and Skarsgard is wearing an old t-shirt that’s frayed at the neckline? He knew the more powerful man wanted to humiliate him (and probably did) and he just took it, but stayed so kind.

      • I remember the scene when he looked longingly at the camera and said, “I want to father your child, Julia’s Publicist. And raise that child with you. We could play Monopoly and go to the beach, and all while I look like a hot, buttered biscuit.”

        That was my favorite scene.

  17. The grimy feathered one of the large lashes is “hiring”

    Alexis has written at least two of her next books and has a regular radio show plus is working on another company that provides an expansive business model for moms, ,,,She has a weekly syndicated radio show where she coaches people in the areas of entrepreneurship and relationship as evolutionary pathways,

    Craig has moved on to start other companies in the areas of education for children.

    They remain involved at the executive level reviewing reports, – and exploring the possibility of expanding via franchise.

    Our Financials

    Company financials are transparent to everyone in the company (all except for employee payroll amounts) ( NOTE, employees are allowed to inquire about each other’s salaries it is illegal to have a policy prohibiting that.)

    And everyone, including clients, are invited to the annual family retreat.(NOTE is that a threat?)

    P&L’s show 100% growth of profit for each of the three years. We give 10% to philanthropic causes aligned with the company’s core values, or matching employee contributions to the charitable causes of their preference. (NOTE yeah right)

    Like a million steps and things to read and watch they are finding for actual clients not to hire anyone,. I filled it out and got a sale pitch in the email immediately.

    By Email: PaintedPicture (at) NewLawBusinessModel (dot) com

    Crowd sourcing how to run a business.

    And more:
    Step 6) (As appropriate) Shadow current team member who’s performing this work (1 hour, virtual).

    Take notes of your experience, how you see room for improvement, questions and any concerns you have.
    And more work w/0 pay
    Step 3) Give us a sense of your personality (and tech savvy). Please create a short video–no more than 120 seconds–and email it to us,

    Pay for a personality test:
    Address is
    2248 Meridian Blvd, Suite H, Minden, NV 89423
    Which is instant corporation founding service

    Why incorporate in Nevada?
    No minimum capital number is required to incorporate.

    Not taking anymore notes, they are skeeeeeeevy

  18. Ugh, Shantitown is blabbering on about relationships on FB (I know! weird!) and some nice lady tries telling her that children are always watching, and need stability and sometimes they need to come first, etc. And Ali has like no fucking clue why she is bringing that up and in more than one reply is wondering what this lady means.

    ALI: She means your kids are affected by the lifestyle you have, and the people that you surround yourself and them with, and the guys you screw and who become part of your kid’s lives, whether they like the assholes or not, you FUCKING MORON. This lady was politely trying to say that maybe you should consider what is best for your KIDS for once in your fucking rhinestone crying off life. You think your own self-serving relationships (which you are obviously obsessed with with) have no bearing on your kids? Fuck. Seriously?

      • Does this woman have any idea how shockingly UNPROFESSIONAL that wack FB page looks to anyone seriously contemplating legal assistance, or to anyone still living on planet earth?! Utterly perverse overshares enabled by her loony tunes fellow grifters alternate with “we are about to release our Ebook: Discover Your Path to Financial Liberation: Sovereignty in the New Economy” posts. She must be a complete laughing stock among her fellow GU Law alums.

        • My opinion is that she has fried her brain on drugs. I’m not talking smoking a lot of weed, I mean she has taken some psychadelics that turned her brain to jelly. Combine that and a nagging sense of failure she can’t shake with a manipulative, also drug-addled partner and bravo, we have a whackaloon.

          I poorly / failed altogether to articulate this when I was saying that I become more OK with her BS business claims when I realize that the word “dollar” to her may as well be the word “flower.”

          Craig said he introduced Ali to “hard drugs” (his words) in 2009. Four years of that shit will take a toll. I know one person from college who took this same path and still occasionally calls me up and I actually can’t understand what he is ever talking about. He watched a program on TV and now has 50 inventions that will save the world! in mind and can I help him get patents? Or something. It is sad.

          And the kids. Ugh

          • I’d missed any RBD posts re: hard drugs but serious substance abuse is probably the leading factor in this ongoing online insanity. I, too, had a college chum who did major hallucinogens, an entire summer spent tripping his fucking brains out. He’s never quite recovered and still lives with his professor mother near Northwestern.

            Ugh, those poor kids. Shanitown posted something about the new X-Men film that was so bizarre, it sounded as though it might be coming from a ten year old:

            Okay so now that several of you have seen it, let’s discuss. I didn’t see all the Xmen, so some parts were a little confusing – but what excited me the most is that other people out there get that what we do now and in the future affects our past!! That’s a big awareness I’ve been having recently!!

        • I know, I don’t get it.. everything she does on FB (and everywhere) is public and a weird mish mash of crazy emotional blubbering and then ‘hey, let’s down get to business’ posts.. Who the fuck would trust this unstable loon? Who pays these people? Where do they get their money? Selling drugs? I’m not even fucking kidding, is that it?

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