A Trip Down Memory Lane: I’m Thankful for When Donks Imbued Life With Meaning

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Donks is still an asshole, but as of late, she’s not our asshole, and she constantly disappoints us now with her regular randomness. But let’s be thankful for the time when Donks spent Thanksgiving in a cold, unforgiving hellscape. Those were the good times.

121 COMMENTS

  1. Was that when Julia escaped from the ashram and took sad photos of empty school pkaygrounds? This was during her post bunny boiling Pancakes down-low right? Good times, so blessed. Happy Thanksgiving cat people!

  2. I just returned from Thanksgiving at my brother’s house, and nothing was blistered, salt-roasted, crimson, or served à terre. The eggnog with spiced rum was healing as hell, though!

    Did Donkey and the Eunuch Chef go to Modesto, or did they torture the poor of San Francisco with inspirational charred yams?

    • You just reminded me I haven’t imbued my holiday season with eggnog yet and I haven’t imbued the eggnog with Bacardi.

      A trip to the supermarket, with a stopover at the liquor store, is in order.

  3. I was just thinking of all of you when, at Thanksgiving dinner, my brother-in-law’s new trust-funded piece, when asked how she heated her house (meaning, gas or steam), said “I don’t know – the bill goes right to my parents.”

      • Sort of O/T-I was writing about the time I met Paris when I was in Miami. She and Brandon Davis were in line at a club, and the people I was with walked right past them (I don’t know people, but I guess I know people who know people). I went to the bathroom and Paris was hysterical and crying on the phone. She got off, and we kind of looked at each other. I asked if she was ok. She said that Nicole had just gone down the freeway the wrong way and got pulled over. I absent-mindly asked, was she on anything? We laughed and she thanked me the laugh and kindness, and asked that I not repeat what she had told me. I didn’t, but I think it’s safe to re-tell the story now. She was polite and tall (that’s about all I have to offer on her, personally).

    • Wasn’t this when she skipped bird day w/ her family (so much for the granny!) because she supposedly had a mtg in NYC on Monday? Which makes no sense, if she LOVES to travel …

      She got a new round of injections to try & impress the McCain’s w/.

    • I remember this: something along the lines of “I packed no makeup, no curling iron, no bras … because these are not needed in the process of reconnecting with my essential self … also look at my cute down-to-earth Minnetonka moccasins, also NO BRA, sailors!”

  4. We should reminisce on which treasured memories from Julia’s meaningful life we are most thankful for…. I would say a recent favorite is when the NY Post wrote about her walking around Fashion Week with that stupid fake mic.

  5. Not that I condone it, but if anyone is feeling the urge to purge …
    THIS SHOULD DO IT!

    “I’m going to weave my web around you, wrap the silk of my devotion so tightly around your heart, that you can only surrender into being devoured by the hungry spider bites of my love.”

    Come on in to the pool of Indivisible Love. The water’s fine.

    Lovingly be her projection screen…
    Make love to her projections.

    I am currently involved in some very deep healing with all my inner family, to prepare happily and joyfully for (possible, hypothetical, theoretical) future JENArations!

    • …Hungry spider bites of my love. Well. I’m glad I’m not dating a creeper like THAT. Spiders and love, le shudder.

      • Tell me about it. There’s two things that should never mix, spider bites and love.

    • Wait… this isn’t a joke? Like, you’re not making fun of them and wrote this as satire? This is really, truly written and meant to be deep or something?

      • I’ve been shuddering ever since I read it. Every time my future hus-cat says “I love you”, I cringe. I had to show him why. Now he cringes too.

  6. Donk’s social media output these days is abysmal. You’re a slacker, woman. I drive 16.5 miles to and from my cubicle each day, and suffer insufferable fools every hour of my day. You owe us some crazy bullshit, dammit. You fucking slacker. 🙁

    She owes us some crazy bullshit. We’re your only fans, Donk. We probably won’t buy your book _(I mean, c’mon now..)_, but we’ll react to your weird shit. And you love the attention. C’mon, you know you’re dying to post some straight up crazy bullshit?!

    • She isn’t capable of writing anything of interest or value; she can’t waste the byproduct of several hours of thinking on a tweet, man.

          • I’m about! I try to post at least once every thread (a lot easier when Julia is on radio silence, vs. say, Pancakes era), but I’ve finally sort of figured out that whole “If it isn’t that interesting, don’t say it” thing. Sort of. This post notwithstanding. I try to keep my boring to myself now.

  7. First off — belated Thanksgiving and Hannukah wishes to all of my fellow basement-dwelling haters!

    This post draws my mind back to those years when Julia was dating PK/Pancakes, inevitably self-destructed, and how her weird beliefs and weirdo parents contributed to her warped views on dating/relationships. I loved how the high season of cray coincided with certain holidays. Now she couldn’t attract a decent man if her life depended on it. At this point I think Debbie is harder to understand than Julia. Can it really just be poor self esteem on his part?

    • IMHO, it’s less about self-esteem & more about living a lie (which people in the closet become adept at) — ordinarily I would find sympathy in the white lie of remaining in the closet, but w/ his “healing chef” schtick, he’s shown himself to be a true & total fraud of d0nkeyesque-caliber, so I have no sympathetic fucks to give for a lying liar who lies.

      • I think that in addition to that, it’s also that he’s much like Donkey in that he wants a shortcut to fame and fortune. He doesn’t want to study cooking and start as a line cook, before donning the white coat and crocs, calling himself a “healing chef.” It’s the same as she does – if they put on a costume and say it enough, it becomes true.

  8. This kiss reminds me of my fav show Saved By the Bell. I always noticed how Zach never leaned into a kiss…he was NEVER into it. Well…this took me back to 1992. Utter bullshit. She sucks so fucking hard

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  9. did anyone else notice the similarity of the kardashians’ thanksgiving menu to derpin’s blistered fish disaster, complete with “brussel sprouts?”

    [img]http://de.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20131028/rs_600x600-131128164313-600-kardashian-thanksgiving-menu.ls.112813_copy.jpg[/img]

    • Heh. Julia Allison needs to invoke the Bing Translator on Facebook if she is wanting feedback from her (purchased) followers!

    • ZoecQey’z DpunkzQeyllz liked her post but didn’t answer her question unfortunately. Maybe he just couldn’t sum it up in one sentence.

    • Doesn’t writing a book involve… I don’t know… actually imparting your own thoughts and ideas?

      She might as well be honest and just call this a compilation of other’s opinions via social media.

      • Julia Allison
        20 hours ago near San Francisco, CA
        So … What is the secret to happiness? If you had to sum it up in one sentence. (Research for the book!)
        Like · Share
        43 people like this.

        Tiffany Morgan Being content with life, especially when your’e not at your happiest.
        20 hours ago · Like · 1

        Kelli Noelle Finding a partner who loves and respects you as much as you do for yourself.
        20 hours ago · Like · 2

        Louis Abramowski Happiness is not in things. It is in us.
        20 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

        Nicole Awe Wood Knowing you are not powerless and can steer your own destiny
        20 hours ago · Like · 1

        Elizabeth Blackwell Hedrick Not to be a bitch and always be thankful and be out going and fun loving and care about people not things you can’t take shit with you when you die so touch as many number of souls with compassion and love and let them know they are not alone, love with passion and never give up on your dreams; don’t carry a wheel barrel with you of past things let the crap go and have faith in God and ask for a forgiving spirit. find your purpose and make a difference and don’t make excuses just do it. never let anyone hurt you take and make a stand to have a better life. Always be the person that can make someone’s day bright and care about your self.
        20 hours ago · Like · 2

        Elizabeth Blackwell Hedrick The biggest is to love your self and to have love in your heart because with out love you are an empty shell.
        20 hours ago · Like · 1

        Adam Gilad Wisdom.
        20 hours ago · Like

        Jeannie Chamberlain Landis Intention
        20 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

        Rachel Pesso The answer to this question is that happiness is whatever it is that you perceive happiness to be. You are in control of what makes you happy and what does not. It’s all about how YOU feel.
        20 hours ago via mobile · Like · 2

        Anne Perry Full self-expression
        19 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

        Fawn Sullivan Pizza
        19 hours ago via mobile · Like

        Melissa Joy Kong Intentionality.
        19 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

        Klaus Moeller Love and Health
        18 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

        Julia Nichols Hodges A gratitude journal. When you are forced to write down three new things each day that you are thankful for, you’ll never feel unhappy.
        15 hours ago via mobile · Like · 2

        Annie Lalla first, denominalize: happiness is not a thing, it’s a process/a verb ..the question then “how does one happify themselves?”…it’s always a conscious creative act that requires will, intention and imagination; it’s an art form that takes commitment and practice. for me the trick is to look for & discover the wisdom & poetry lurking inside any emotional state (even sadness, anger, terror or fear) if you can find the what’s true/good/ beautiful about whatever state you’re in (requiring will, intention & imagination) then you will be able to enjoy it and feel alive. happiness is only one form of aliveness, I want to feel all of them…
        15 hours ago · Like · 5

        Makena Sage This isn’t really an answer, but have you read “flourish” by Martin Seligman (the founder of positive psychology)? I think it would be great research for your book!
        15 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

        Shannon Drake you get what you expect out of life, ensure your expectations are positive and everything else falls into place
        15 hours ago · Like · 2

        Andrea Liss Gratitude.
        4 hours ago via mobile · Like

        Michele Joel Acceptance, love and drive to action
        4 hours ago via mobile · Like

  10. Ashram Thanksgiving was indeed glorious, but Julia’s I’m-Going-to-Harvard! Thanksgiving was by far my favorite.

  11. happiness lasts for an instant if it’s the buy something be happy kind.

    it lasts for much longer if it’s the work hard and delay gratification and get the thing you wanted kind.

  12. Someone else stealing Julia’s thunder…via that extremely annoying bimbo idiot duo at “Small Girls PR” (gag)

    Join us this Wednesday for a fun evening debating who is better at finding love with Justin McLeod, CEO of dating app Hinge and Kayli Stollak, author of “Granny is My Wingman”
    Wednesday 12/14 6:30PM-8:30PM
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    Complimentary Snacks — Half Price Wine And Love Punch
    6:30PM — Doors Open
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  13. OMG, what is she talking about? At least she’s admitting that she’s living with Debbie.

    Julia Allison
    23 minutes ago near San Francisco, CA · Edited
    I have always enjoyed creating comfy, delightful home spaces to entertain and to relax in, but since I moved to SF and started a home with Devin, I realize how precious truly good homemaking is … In the last two months, I have fully dug into the delights of being a full time homemaker (at least until I start writing my book in January), hosting over 12 houseguests in six weeks and having friends over several times a week for dinners or events. All of this has caused me to find a newfound appreciation for the incredible example of my mother’s exemplary homemaking.

    When I was younger I really wanted her to be a CEO of some fabulous company – she is a brilliant Stanford grad who could have done anything she wanted. But now I look back and I really respect her choice to create a family and keep a beautiful home. That was SUCH a gift to all of us! (She also volunteered as a massage therapist for Hospice patients for a decade, as well as being involved in our church and various other activities).

    So for those of you who have a homemaker in your lives – male or female – part or full time – give them an extra special hug today, and see them for what they are: a gift creating a more delightful, happy, comfortable and delicious life for their families and friends.
    Like · Share
    25 people like this.

    Julia Allison Nisha, I’m talking about you here! Thank you for showing me what beautiful homemaking looks like!!
    19 minutes ago · Like · 1

    Erica OGrady I wrote this about my Mother: http://www.twinemagazine.com/rediscovering-domesticity…/
    16 minutes ago · Like · 1

    Julia Allison Also thinking of Brit Morin xoxox
    15 minutes ago · Like · 1

    • Also…not starting the book until January, lol. So she’s just been “making a home” with Chef D.

    • Transbraytion = See, RBD haters, I do so have friends!! Because RBD says I have no friends.
      Alternate transbraytion = I am such a homebody! Because the RBD haters say that I travel all the time to avoid facing my own life.
      Still another transbraytion = The RBD haters make fun of my Pottery Barn for Toddlers decor and soulless Marina del Bray stall, but I am a real grown-up, just like my momsers!
      AND: The RBD haters say unemployed; I say homemaker.

    • “12 houseguests” = strangers paying to crash via AirBNB

      Is this the success for which she sacrificed her destiny at HBS? Lol.

    • So she was able to “find a newfound” appreciation for Momsers’s homemaking skills (?!), yet she still manages to be incredibly condescending in her paean (she was a brilliant Stanford grad who chose to cast that all aside to be a homemaker, but not just a homemaker, folks — also a hospice-patient masseuse, church lady and volunteer for various other activities to remain unspecified because, boring …)
      Also: Donkey’s current “comfy, delightful” abode, NEVAR forget:
      http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/how-do-we-disguise-or-at-least-minimize-hideous-heater-good-questions-196074

      • well duh, if you gave birth to devil spawn Julia Allison you’d have to stay home to manage the flames of hell, too

        and, uh, have you seen their home? “beautiful” is not a term that comes to mind. Institutional? Yes.

        I’d rather let Brit Moron decorate my house in maxi pad cushions and rolled up Starburst wrappers.

      • God, that looks like a shack. I had a gas heater like that in a shitty shared apartment I had when I was 23.

        • Also, note that she has yet to post a fauxto of her charming abode that she’s been decorating blah blah blah.

      • that is really ugly…. but I do like this comment. Maybe one of the shim-shammy grifters can come over and they can bless the apartment with light and love.

        “Maybe turn the whole thing (including the mantel) into a Thai altar with candles, plants, and images. Naturally, you would need to remove it all when you need to run the heater….which you will want to do once it gets to be winter in SF.”

    • Start writing? Translation, ghost writer/intern/ isn’t available January. She is pathetic and should be writing every single day. Fake ‘homemaking’ with ‘fake’ gay boyfriend is the ultimate procrastination, turned into, the book is never going to happen.

        • I honestly thought she’d be well on her way by the time January rolled around. Well, not so much her, but slave/intern.

          • I fully expect her to have barely a few unintelligible paragraphs of strained cliches and awkward “humor” by the time her deadline rolls around. Expecting her to be well under way with writing that turd of a book is expecting the unusual from her.

  14. Yes, the Baugher’s cold, sterile domicile is the first thing I think of when I’m trying to put together a comfy and inviting home space.

    So, we heard some gossip about when Derpin and JA broke up, but nothing about how/why they got back together – or how long they were broken up. Does anyone know?

  15. Craymas is here!
    The most magical time of the year!
    Complete with pictures of last year’s matching sweaters!

    P.S. Where’s a donkey’s congratulatory remark to sister Jena the Flaming One on her 6-figure book deal? 3…2…1…

    • For a hippie, she’s pretty proud of that 6-figure deal, complete with bidding war. I also love that the name of the publishing company sounds like a hipster shrug, I dunno, Sounds True.

  16. I love how she’s always talking about her fucking parents’/grandparents’ wealth/education/fucking Cadillac. Ew.

    • She’s always doing this, co-opting her relatives’ accomplishments (OMG — Stanford, Princeton, MIT!) and High Status Markers (OMG — lakefront home, Gucci briefcase!) as her own.

    • seriously, So canklehausen-inducing.
      Every time she writes about Momsers she sounds like an even bigger fucking cunt than she already is. God I really pity/sympathise with her family.
      Donkey, who barely managed to graduate college after transferring god knows how many times, and who has, as far as I can tell, never had a job of her own, disdains to finally approve of her mother’s giving up a brilliant career for wonderful “home-making” skillz ala Britt Moron. Thanks, asshole; though Momsers’ home-making really couldn’t have been all that, cause look how you turned out.

  17. How many times have her parents/bro/other random relatives had to smile and greet yet another one of her boys? every year a different guy? how many men has she shacked up with? how many were “the one”? Not slut shaming. Just exhausted thinking about being a trapped party to her life, and I don’t even interact with her any more [thank god].

    seriously? https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10100555830468095&set=a.677691992665.2245391.1402715&type=1&theater
    she may just have found the herpy derpy one she was always meant to find

    • I have a friend like this who was pissed I hadn’t met her 3 last boyfriends (that she lived with over two years). I always tell her, don’t worry I’ll just meet the next one. There’s always a next one.

    • Notice how she’s pushing Santa’s hand down? You can feel the mindless rage from here. Get your own holiday, SANTA.

      • showing off her nails or showing she matched them to her clown lipstick?

        what boring MALL did they go to in SF to even find a santa claws?

        I hate Debbie’s sweater pushed up on his forearms showing off his leather “wristlet”. Plus it looks too small and that’s REALllllllllllllly small for a small stick figure like him.

        • And what’s the deal with that weird/huge/ugly ring Devin is wearing?

        • That wristicuff is his signature look!

          [img]http://s21.postimg.org/plm28u5qv/derp_n_cuff.png[/img]

  18. Totally OT, but has anyone seen the 7 Up documentary series? I’ve been watching them on Netflix, and Charles at 21 reminds me so much of Devin with longer hair. Nobody in my “real life” would even know who I’m talking about, so I had to come here. I’m into 35 now, but because they cut back to the old clips over and over, I just keep seeing him.

    Just tried to google for a pic to share, but couldn’t find anything. 🙁

      • That’s the guy, but I don’t see it at all in the 28 & 35-year-old still photos they’ve shown (because, as said below, he quit doing the interviews), I just see it when he was 21. It’s like… he was ADORABLE as a little kid, then Devin at 21, then handsome in the older photos. ha.

        Maybe if one of those 21yo clips comes up again I’ll take a screenshot to upload. For some reason, google doesn’t seem to find any pics of him from that era.

    • I LOVE that series so, so much. I see what you are saying but Charles is much more handsome. He quit it and it seems like they’ve pretty well scrubbed him from it in the later ones. Ironically he is himself a BBC documentary producer…

    • WTF? I’m listening to the HuffPo video & trying to understand … did she really enlighten an inordinate amt of people as to what poverty is like? I mean srsly, all these people just had no frakken clue before now? Why is the reaction as if she is one in 16 million stricken w/ the rare disease called poverty?

      MY HUNCH: She lied out her ass to bolster whatever argument she was having on Gawker or wherever (like zillions of people do all day long in forums across the web) & then she ran w/ it even further, cuz lying liars rarely know when to quit, & incredibly, a whole assload of people w/ more money than sense read it & got the ‘oh nos, here, take my money!’

    • mcakez!

      did I ever tell you that I fell sooooo hard for the sad story of JTLeroy and we had these really long, weird email conversations and 2 phone conversations. S/he said s/he wanted to go for a convertible trip down 101 and I offered (as I had one at the time) and then I never heard from him/her again

    • Dammit, mcakez, you sent me down a rabbit hole!

      “Point is, an agent called me and is pitching this whole book thing to a few places and she’s not not a big deal. So it’ll probably happen. BUT! She would like me to include other books that are about-poverty-but-still-funny. I know to compare my stuff to Ehrenreich and Shipler, but do you guys have anything else for me to toss in there?”

      This figment of her own imagination just compared herself to mythbuster Barbara Ehrenreich??? I … I’m sputtering. And LMAO. No she did not!

  19. OT question: All I want for Christmas this year is a snarky recap of the Pancakes era. Pretty please?

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