Cunnalingually Unsatisfied Donkey Teaches Base Model Boyfriend How It’s Done

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“See this, Devin? This is how you do it. This is sexually delicious. Say it with me: Thex-YOU-lee DEE-li-sush. Got it? Now take the picture. We’ll take the opportunity to deal with your lack of heated growth later. I’m tired of achieving vibrational congruance with my ‘back massager.'”

301 COMMENTS

    • The other day, there was one pic of them from behind and her hair didn’t look so great from that view.

    • I want her hair, face and husband. How did Julia not throw herself off the swing at the tiny and cute-ness of it all?

      • Her husband is HOT. She is adorable and they live in the South of France (excuse me, Southern France) – what’s not to be jealous of? I don’t know how she is friends with a Donkey, although I’m sure the distance helps.

  1. Donkey’s flaxen-haired friend is totally giving her the side eye. As she should.

    What the fuck is Donks doing to that mollusc?

    • I think this is her friend’s hot husband and yes, I am sure, like normal human beings, he works. And would probably never the donkey.

      • I bet Natasha’s husband is pretty pissed that they’re spending their summer holiday in France with the Donkey and her unemployed line cook boyfriend.

        • That’s probably part of the reason why they only stayed a few nights instead of until it was time to take the donkey show to Spain.

          Can you imagine the horror to have that ghastly woman in your holiday home even just for a few hours?
          I am convinced she became all territorial with “OMGCHILDHOODBFFFOREVAH” while barely able to conceal her envy and jealousy and resentment of the base model she settled for. And to think there was a time when she thought she was settling for Prom King, sweet loaded Prom King. To remember her past delusions in the light of her current situation really is the best thing ever.

    • I was puzzled as to why he looks so familiar, then I realized that he looks a lot like a semi-pro water skier I know …

      Doppelgänger guy is kinda hot, IMHO. They look like a nice couple.

    • I’m far to lazy and fat to go back and check for actual accuracy on this, but I remember when Natasha got married and Donkey went through a”I NEED A FASCINATOR FOR THIS VERY BRITISH WEDDING IN A CASTLE” phase. Anyway, I vaguely remember her mentioning that at the time Natasha had just graduated or was in some sort of PhD or Post Graduate program at Oxford and that she and her future “hubs” met in some sort of extremely academic environment. Perhaps even at Oxford. I think they’re both astrophysicengineerrocketscience type people. How Donkey can stand to be around them, as she is a failed personality and her significant other is a line cook, I do not know. I guess to her reflected glory is better than no glory.

      I’d like to add that there is nothing wrong with being a line cook. It’s a hard, honest day’s work. It’s just the insistence on trying to be something you are not that drives me crazy.

  2. ugh. OT, can you catladies recommend some good reading? i’m about to be on vacation and i need some good suggestions. thanks in advance, i’ve always gotten brilliant suggestions from this group.

    • The new Kate Atkinson is supposed to be great. Life After Life. Get that and Case Histories and you’ll have two great KA books.

      • I have started Life After Life three times and can’t get anywhere. I’ve even tried the audiobook. I’m going to give it another go in a few weeks when I’m on break.

        I’m reading, and loving, ‘The Devil in the White City’ by Eric Larson right now. I was late to reading ‘Dark Places’ by Gillian Flynn, but I read it last month and couldn’t put it down. I love horrible, unreliable narrators, and Libby Day is a doozy. It was one of my favorite things I’ve read in a while, even if I predicted the ending early.

        • Ha! I’m having the same problem with Dark Places. Have put it aside and will be re – attacking in a few weeks. I had the same issue with The Time Traveller’s Wife, took me at least three attempts, but when I finally managed I LOVED it.

        • I ADORED Life After Life. I am adoring it right now, just thinking about it.

      • I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE WORDS COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH! If those are (not so) thinly veiled criticisms of Life After Life, I won’t hear it and I won’t respond to it.

        I loved it so much. Was at a bookstore yesterday and gathered a crowd of people to make them buy it. I cried when it was over because it was over and I couldn’t stand it. Give it a shot. And I kind of get having to stop and start the book but it all makes so much sense after you really get into it.

        Ok, my heart, can’t take the typing any more. Read it. Love it.

    • If you don’t mind crying while on vacation I loved John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars. It’s technically a YA book but it’s one of the best books I have read in a while.

      • Lost it. Hard. Then recommended it to friends who lost it hard. Doesn’t help that our friend is still battling cancer.

        Good read.

      • This sounds really great. Just pre-ordered on Amazon (not out in Germany yet). Thanks for the tip!

    • Looking forward to The Interestings

      Read some right crackers recently.
      Currently reading, and enjoying, The Other Typist by Suzanne Rindell. Love an unreliable narrator.

      Recently read and MUCH enjoyed:
      Life After Life by Kate Atkinson
      The Orphan Master’s Son by Adam Johnson
      Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein
      Rubbernecker by Belinda Bauer
      The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

      The Shining girls by Lauren Beukes was okay, too, particularly if you like a bit of time travel.

      Enjoy your holiday

      • Read anything by Pete Dexter. Start with The Paperboy. Or Spooner. Noir-ish. Ex-crime writer and columnist in Philadelphia. He’s awesome, and new-ish to me.

      • Just bought The Other Typist and Rubbernecker for my Kindle based on your recommendation. Thanks!

        • Good stuff, enjoy! Rubbernecker’s Patrick is one of the most endearing characters I’ve come along in a while.

          I’m picturing more than a few of us currently busy downloading books… I just came back to say thank you to flatface, just downloaded Spooner, and saw your comment. Cheers, flatface! I’m always seeking recommendations (one of the reasons I love RBD, haven’t had a bad tip, yet).

  3. Those are “frozen French oysters”. Defrosted oysters in the South of France.

    Julia really is living the dream.

  4. Is Natasha the other girl in the Slutty American Flag picture? She has that same look on her face. Girls in photos w/Julia often look as they’re trying hard to just smile and endure.

    • she is friends with natasha since elementary school, i dont think they went to georgetown together

    • She totally destroyed her face with whatever procedures she has had done. On the upside, now her face matches what is in the inside better.

      • i was thinking about fixing a droopy eyelid and now i am more scared of plastic surgery than i am of having a droopy eyelid

        • I would love to get mine done …
          May I make a suggestion of the kind of doc to look for?

          Don’t settle for a cosmetic surgeon who offers financing & does it all, even if it means saving up longer to pay out of pocket …

          You want an ophthalmologist who’s experienced in the sub-specialty of ophthalmic plastic & reconstructive surgery … best one I ever saw was the guy who was THE on-call eye doc for ER trauma (e.g. think of people who go through windshields in car accidents).

          • yeah, exactly right. i had a small mole removed from my face near my nose and had it done by a plastic surgeon who left barely an eyelash of a scar

          • Look for someone board-certified in cosmetic surgery, or whichever speciality.

            Get recommendations from other doctors you trust and respect.

          • I had a small-ish neck mole removed because I kept snagging it w/ the hairbrush … a simple little excision done in a PCP’s office on my first visit to him … traded one issue for another, cuz holy cats, he left a frikken crater that took forever to get used to … for a long time, I’d wished I’d just left it alone.

            RE: the insurance, I think even a combo of procedures done at once is worth considering, like maybe if you have a tear duct issue that would be covered but lids wouldn’t, just because of the one-time sedation charge, etc. Just an idea.

          • it’s the opposite problem. the muscle that controls the lid gets stretched and stops working.

        • Ok, this is tmi, but I have a fruit basket of fibroids that need to be removed; can I get a Fupa tuck too?

          • Not likely at the same time. Two totally different types of surgeons.

          • If they are going into your uterus via your abdomen, then maybe yes (some women do a hysterectomy and tummy tuck at the same time). If they are going into your uterus vaginally, then no. Ask your MD about the plan and also ask them to spare as many genital area nerves for sexual function as possible.

          • Actually, sometimes surgeons do coordinate on surgeries that have nothing to do w/ the other ~ working for docs, I know for a fact that it happened often enough, but I just don’t recall particulars, like if it was due to a patient being at elevated risk for under-going anesthesia , or if it was to accommodate out-of-pocket expense, or if only in cases of non-elective surgeries ~ hell, at least ask, that never hurts.

          • Thanks cat peeps; I have a consult soon and I’m not sure which procedure they will recommend but the nerve thing is something I hadn’t even thought of. All I know is that they take forever to grow back.

          • if it’s a procedure for big ones that are the equivalent of having a c-section, yeah maybe; you’ll be cut open like a fish and if they have a plastic surgeon along for the ride they can schedule in together

            if it’s laprascopic and a tiny incision not so much

            or if it’s vaginally, also not so much

  5. “Everyone looks attractive slurping oysters, so sure, have your picture taken while doing just that!” Said no one in the history of photography ever.

    • So true. And I don’t get why she is posting them now, when they were clearly taken on the same day as the photos she posted on May 10th. She and Natasha are in the same clothing and have the same hairstyles as those creepy swing pictures. The only reason I can imagine that she is re-posting pictures from that same day again 12 days later is to respond to the comments here in the last post about how she is traveling with a supposed foodie but never mentions food. Good grief.

  6. Wait, holy fuck, did I just see at the end of the last post, a video called “Julia Allison: Harnessing Technology to Get Rich”? No, seriously, that was a title of something that is supposedly not a joke?

    And in the first six seconds (because that’s all I can take, really) did she actually fucking say, “I was at Harvard the other day, Harvard business school, blah blah they all knew me, and they wanted to know why I was considering them…”

    I can’t go back and watch again (her stupid mannerisms and weird face are indefatigable), but seriously, THAT FUCKING. WAS SAID. AND PUT ON THE INTERNET. AS IF.

    Sorry everybody, I think I had a stroke or something. I’ll come back when I’m feeling better.

    • i have no doubt that harvard wanted to know why she was considering them because they could never in a million years imagine a reason

    • You really have to watch that video. In just a couple minutes, it tells you everything you need *snap* to *snap* know! *SNAP!*

      • WOW that was terrible. Holy sweet Jesus.

        It’s amazing how much entitlement can emanate from such a lying, pea-brained narcissist.

      • I see it’s YouTube Comedy Week! That has to be the funniest shit ever. Up vote! It’s biology, people! I’m blinking and making bunny nose faces right now – it’s so hilarious!

      • So many dead-on comments there, including:

        QuantumTheorist 2 years ago
        What a stupid, crass, classless, and egocentirc tramp. How did this frivolous nobody get on BigThink?! My IQ probably dropped 10 points by just watching this conceited airhead. I feel sorry for the loser that ends up with her.

    • As if SHE was considering Harvard. God her ego/pathology is out of control. I’m surprised the psychiatric department at some university doesn’t adopt her like some sign-language monkey, so they can study her.

      • Apparently all the Harvard MBA students were _shocked_ that someone like Julia would even consider wasting her time at HBS. At least that’s how she expresses it in the video.

    • Yes, it is required viewing. Many popular RBD memes — and lifelong feelings of Donkey loathing — sprang from that video.

  7. I love how she is the only one who doesn’t have a glass of wine in front of her. No sips to log today!

  8. Good job on those Olympus PEN mini settings, Devin Stetler!
    So easy, any ol’ random tourist can do it, right? Riiiight?

    [img]http://i43.tinypic.com/anzbyg.png[/img]

    Now, if you would just adjust Julia Allison’s setting to STFU …

  9. Her eyes in this picture are unbelievably creepy. She looks tired and bug eyed. Everything about her eyes screams unhappiness. Worst vacation ever.

    • She really does look at least 10 years older than Natasha (as someone noted in a previous post).

      • She looks ten years older than she does in pictures of herself taken just two or three years ago. The last couple of years have been rough on the donkey.

  10. Congratufuckalations Donk! You took THREE cabs! So posh, so glamorous, so European of you!

    Julia Allison
    about an hour ago via mobile
    After ten hours of travel – involving three cabs, two trains and a flight – we’re finally, FINALLY at our final destination on this Europe tour, for Meagan & Conrad’s wedding in … Sevilla!!

    • So sorry replying to myself but it seems like she has met quite worldly and glamorous people on her “Europe tour”:

      Shreshta Sookwareea
      Abbel Esya Purbaya
      Belduk Semeru
      Certte De Cerh
      Mohamed Magdy Salem
      Torgbui Bright

      Suspiciously their profile pics look like those starving children from the $1 a day can feed this children ads.

      • Donkey makes all of us talk to ourselves at one point in time or another…carry on.

  11. OT, but anyone remember that idiot that Julia grifted to get free moving from NYC to LA with the promise of a plug during her huge show? Well, his twitter feed is hilarious (in a sad way). This is what he considers the “best bumper sticker ever”:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BDlYlH3CYAAK5pk.jpg:large

    @tbanion24 is his twitter handle.

  12. What the fuck is with every picture lately having way blown out highlights and this weird cataract aura? It’s making me freak out every time like I’m losing my vision.

  13. BARFZILLA!!!!!!! From FB:

    Julia Allison
    For those of you who have been to Sevilla – what do you recommend doing/seeing? 🙂

    comment:

    Annie Lalla
    strop naked & have sex in the grape vineyards…take a blanket (& make sure you’re on the bottom -to watch the sky)…was my highlight

    • I will never get why RBDers defend that TMI asshole. She’s just Donkey with a different gimmick.

      • My cold black heart softened towards her since she had a baby (even though many of those photos were TMI) because that’s what becoming a mom does to you. That response was unnecessarily gross, though.

      • I TOTALLY AGREE! I mean, so she was honest on Miss Advised. But if you look at her FB, you can see why she and Julia get along – it’s all crazy narcissistic photo shoots, and her husband has a serious grifter history (google “david deangelo”). And she totally pursued him desparately … this is not a woman I’d call a role model. And the TMI is too ridic.

        • SHE NAMED HER BEHBEH LOVE BEING. And constantly with the nipples out. Her Facebook is not suitable for work or my life.

      • She’s just another one who peddles advice/counseling with no training other than a few buzz words she picked up from self-help books. She’s a danger to people who put their trust in her and a fakey mcfakerson. She’s as bad as the rest of them and gave her child a really self-indulgent name. I don’t like her one bit.

        • And she winces me when mispronouncing those buzz words. Damn, now I have to go see the kid to discover the self-indulgent name.

          • See above – she actually named her kid “Love Being.” I understand your not recognizing that as an actual name.

          • If you are offended by nudity I recommend not going to her Facebook. I realize I sound like a prude, and perhaps I am, but she is completely nude all the time. NAKED WATER BIRTH. The first thing I said after my kitten was born, after the “He’s okay!” was to my husband – “please tell me I’m not naked right now”. I had a c section and, yes, I was naked and I am getting itchy thinking about it. In fact, I just realized I may be a never nude. There are dozens of us!

            And perhaps I should back away slowly from the beer and the Arrested Development marathon.

          • “Imagine the Impossible!” Of course I went to Lalala’s FB page and caught the naked water birth pictures, first thinking I’d stumbled across stills for Annie and the pagan’s Vivid Celebrity Sex Tape. Ew, and no, I didn’t pick up that they’d actually named the kid, Love Being. Hope they’re planning on home schooling!

          • Silver, I did that all last weekend. I played ‘Final Countdown’ every day this week.

            Bring it, hermano.

          • I don’t know who is more sleezy, her or that Eban Pagan dude. The mole has to go.

          • Barrrrrrf. The album is called “When You Make Love.” And the baby is named “Love Being Lalla-Pagan.”

            I bet when she is 13 she will file for legal emancipation citing totally cuckoobananas parents, change her name to Janet, and wear polo shirts.

          • OMG, Silver — I think I may too be a never nude. The lengths I go to to hide my body while my man is around. I’d sooner blow my brains out than go skinny-dipping. It has become a running joke. I can only be naked when I am totally under the covers. Thankfully, he thinks it’s cute.

        • I understand everything you’re saying, and I still totally love her. She will never have access to a single one of my dollars, so I feel comfortable in enjoying her. She’s the opposite of me in virtually every way. It’s SO fun to see her do what she does.

          • I kind of love her, too, I guess because 1) she called Donkey on her shit (in a practical, hard-headed yet diplomatic way), and 2) I was born and raised in Santa Cruz CA, so there’s a nostalgia aspect going on.

          • Like I said, I don’t get it. Watching someone take advantage of vulnerable people and delighting in it because you aren’t the one she’s hurting seems pretty sick to me. Obviously, rational people can disagree on this one.

          • Have you seen the pictures of her sexy interpretive dance at her wedding? To her husband and father-in-law? You bet I jumped down the fucking rabbit hole that is Le La La’s Facebook and I didn’t like it but I did it and it made me uncomfortable.

            Never nuuuuude.

    • Remind me not to get a 2008 vintage, or newer, from Spain, ever again in my life.

    • FUCK OFF do these two not have email? A working cell phone? I will not be able to eat the rest of the day at the thought of Devil’s micropeen trying to get hard and penetrate the holland tunnel. Donkey so fat so ugly so desperate.

    • I like how she has to *remind* Julia that she should be on the bottom. I suspect Debbie fights her for the catcher position.

      • If you have time to star gaze and day dream during sex someone isn’t doing something right.

      • I am not understanding the hair follicle situation. It looks terrible. Is there not a mirror? A shower? Her friend is basically a Breck girl so I guess that makes Julia a Wreck girl (at life, not just hair).

      • She does look like she’s crying regularly and never sleeping.

        I wonder if she truly believed he was going to propose on this trip, attempted to browbeat him into it publicly, was stunned to realize he had no plans for any Julia Allison Directed cheesy rom-com scenes and now the entire trip has been some crazy Donkey psycho-drama.

        • Now who, I wonder, would’ve made her believe that she was getting engaged on this trip?

    • Old Snapper Hands only posted that photo because she thinks it makes her face look thin. She’s sucking in those plastic cheeks like there’s no tomorrow.

  14. “Hi, if you’re here in Seville for the wedding, please get in touch! We’d love to explore the city’s wonderful restaurants and nightlife! We can’t afford it, but we’d love to get invited by people who can!”

    • Very much this!

      [img]http://i1277.photobucket.com/albums/y488/kanyenast/YePU8_zps56387eda.gif[/img]

  15. OT, but the strangest thing jumped off the
    page at me today, & then, all was clear …..

    [img]http://i40.tinypic.com/2zt9amf.png[/img]

  16. I find her situation astounding – she has fizzled into a complete nightmare scenario. Bored to death in Europe, all those hours staring out at the landscape, basically touring around their “suburbs”…. And I’m sorry but all those “I’m so hot” shots are turning into “I’m trying too hard” but that’s yesterday’s paper…. She’s spent. I foresee this blog having some sort of fizzle as well…. unless marriage and a 1-2 year marriage unfold. Then the coaster has a few more hills.

  17. Is this late news… Or did does the ONLY person Devin follow turn out to be a dude from MA? That’s kind of creepy.

  18. [img]https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc1/422707_10152093828055417_450176264_n.jpg[/img]

    Never saw this one before. Anyone else getting a threesome vibe? I feel sick.

      • [img]http://i1277.photobucket.com/albums/y488/kanyenast/disgusted-clint-eastwood_zpsdde50db7.gif[/img]

    • Yep. And apparently Derpin prefers Lala. Donks got shut out and had to watch, judging by the body language.

      • Wait … How long ago was Burning Man? Could Love Bean be a Derpin? #conspiracytheory #hilarious

        • Lulz I was just counting back 9 months and thinking hmmmmm so Lalla is a month or two along here right?

    • Dr Lalala looks like she is tripping balls.

      Sooooooo veeeeeeeeeeeheement.

    • Hey Mom and Dad! Just a couple of peeps in their mid 30s hanging out in their active wear and actualizing sexthy times!

    • Of the 3 persons in that picture, Chef Debbois has the smallest penis. By far.

  19. OT: just started watching Top of the Lake, Peggy Olsen’s accent is incredible. No one, not even Meryl Streep who can do everything, can imitate an Australian accent. I’m speechless. Go Peggy!

  20. Watching this busted face, broke-ass donkey hoofing it around Spain on her maxed-out credit cards and her OBO healing fake-chef boyfriend, the having Vaseline-smeared photos taken of herself incessantly, the humblebrays and vineyard-fucking…ugh. Just gross.

    Can’t wait for the arrival at Chateau Dervin in Southern DTLA.

    • The homecoming will be truly EPIC. I said it before, but the spin she’ll put on it will be hilarious. The other choice is the one she’s already made which is to ignore it all together.

  21. Amusing to read back and compare the triumphant-Donkey-does-Natasha’s-Oxford-wedding experience of ’08 with this pathetisad excursion. The fallout/letdown when she gets back is going to be epic.

    • [img]http://i1277.photobucket.com/albums/y488/kanyenast/Shocked-Troy-Walks-Into-Fire-With-Pizza-Community_zpsfabe9b98.gif[/img]

        • Since we’re confessing. I don’t think Mindy Kaling or her goofy project show is funny either. there, i said it..

          • I loved her as Kelly on The Office, but don’t find her show funny AT ALL — it’s just perpetuating so much boy-crazy, isn’t-it-adorable-that-I’m-a-fuckup stupid shit that Donkey must love — that now I am totally over her. Expected more intelligence from that show.

          • I agree. My breaking point was when a character was having an asthma attack, and Mindy’s character had a girly freak out, when supposedly she’s a MD who delivers babies for a living?! If she was this badass physician, why would she be so hysterical over an asthma attack? She had a similar reaction when a character accidently cuts themselves in another episode. The show is really inconsistent and lacks direction.

          • Aww…I love the Mindy Project. I think it’s great that it shows a kickass OBGYN, and maintains friends outside of work. She refused to listen or take back her bf once she found out he was a) cheating, but then b) turned out she was the other woman. And, most significantly – particularly compared to the Donks – she admits when she’s wrong. It also shows her as a supportive but also hardass sister.

  22. I just checked out the hotel the wedding guests are staying in. Cheapest room in 200 Euro a night (approx $260), although I’m sure there’s a wedding rate. I’m sure Donkey and Derpin saved their pennies…

  23. I am friends with some OMGSILICONVALLEY people on Facebook who are also going to this wedding, and they have been posting pics and updates of them and their friends (who include Dave and Brit Moron). Trust me, if there was ever an event for Donksy to be OBOing Captain Silverpants, it’s this one. Most of the Valley types are married. I doubt that would stop her.

    Alternately, she is going to have to really amp up the “WE ARE SO IN LOVE!!!!!!!!” factor in order for Derpin to seem like anything less than a huge failure in comparison.

    • If Devin gets food poisoning from brussel sprouts and Tabasco and is unable to make it, I will not be surprised. She has to be so over the trip and embarrassed of his “ewwww Wikipedia” gumminess that she will get slutified in some high school prom dress and glom onto to any guy she can smell desperation on.

    • She’s already been such a passive aggressive bitch to Derp in the limited social media that wasn’t crowd sourcing she’s given us this trip. “My boyfriend has fallen madly in love with Firenze”. I don’t know why that tweet has made me so itchy but it has. Like he’s some ridiculous newb/rube loving Florence when she’s already been there on whatever Catholic school tour she took summer before senior year. I know of these, I was on one of these. There’s no, “Me and my boyfriend love Firenze and we are never coming back!” platitudes of companionship like they are actually on the same fucking trip. She’s a bitch. That is all.

    • married….”I doubt that would stop her.”

      It hasn’t before……

      #dumpedherOMGengagementformarrieddude
      #bolter #flake

    • It doesn’t matter how much she wants to OBO Debbie Seltzer, nobody is going to be interested in Donkey. She has nothing to offer, especially not to guys with money who can get decent looking women who aren’t batshit bitches.

      • Oh, I agree, but the thought of her running around the wedding and away from Devin to get to a rich OMGFounder gives me the lulz.

        She might slip Debbie a roofie and shove him in the bushes so she can get her busted face flirt on.

    • It will be interesting what she will do at this wedding. She is clearly miserable with Devin right now. Her contempt of him is barely veiled in her FB posts. Yet, like you said, the only thing she has with him that she thinks will make others envious (her ultimate goal in life) is the OMG Super Duper Soul Mates & Mystical Lovers angle. So, what is she to do?? Oh the internal tension! I see a meltdown of some kind in the very near future. Pass the popcorn.

    • No doubt. Most of MM’s friends seem to have the kind of background that Donks is after. LOTs of Ivy Leaguers, Stanfod and Oxford alums with jobs at Google, Conde Nast, etc. I bet she had a few sips and threw herself around.

  24. Ok, one thing I don’t get about the lala thing : I just looked at the photos and that apartment is amazing. Do the live in Miami now or something? Are they rich?

    • The husband is a fairly successful grifter under two names (Eben Pagan and David D’Angelo, don’t know which was his original legal name, if either).

        • Made it 17 seconds. Got the creeps you can’t shake so had to turn it off. Does anyone have a Cliffs Notes on why he has two identities?

          • I made it through about 30 seconds and then fast forwarded about an hour into the monologue. DeAngelo or Pagan of whatever his real name is makes jokes, but there is no response as clearly there is NO audience. His performance reminds me of Julie’s empty MIT room and the lectern poses.

            Here’s the plan, and mark my words: Inspired by folks like Lalala and her shady hubby, Donks and Debbie are hoping to line up a “fuck you money” grift. It’ll fail, however, because neither one has the tenacity for the long con–it would cut into their googling and traveling on petitfogger’s money routines (and trust me, that’s where the money comes from).

          • There appears to be an audience – I heard people coughing.

            Maybe his jokes just aren’t funny.

            Or the sort of men who would take him seriously about women take everything seriously.

        • A new species, the blue-balled monkey, was discovered last year in the Congo. Looking forward to follow-up genetic studies of Eben Pagan’s audience.

      • I watched about 45 second of that, and I’d bet good grifter $$$ he has aspergers. It’s so “I was an obsessive nerd all my life, so I studied how to get people to like me and want to make $$$ off it….”

        And just makes me think Annie Lalla is even more of a fucking idiot for going on and on about the omgamazingcrazy love they have together.

      • Hat tip to Afghani, who edumacated me on these two annoying grift personas being one and the same.

        • Ooh, I don’t like knowing this fact. The more I learn about these grifters, the seedier it gets. I like thinking of Lalla as the quirky but well-meaning character in the Donkey Show, the one who called out Julia on TV, gifted us with such terms like winced and Queen Nefertiri, and had an adorable baby. But, geez, scratch beneath this surface and the grifter grossness comes out. All of this, and the Ellsberg stuff, makes me want to slowly back out of the room.

          • Her mom is black (from the Caribbean) and I think I remember that her father is from the Philippines.

          • I feel extremely naive. I had no idea this was a whole thing. I guess I didn’t fully take in what “grifting” meant. This seems like a particular type of awfulness, taking money from people who must be desperately lonely and exploiting their loneliness for your own financial gain.

            The more you all show me, the more squicked out I get. If these people truly are well-meaning “gurus” with magical insight on love and relationships that could make people all over happier (and I don’t believe any of this), wouldn’t they share that information for free? Who would charge for that? While pretending to be so connected to the universe and what not? Newsflash: the universe would not like that. Double fucking newsflash: this is gross and awful.

          • I think my judgment is slightly warped though right now. I just read some JA and Tim Ferret.

          • Okay, now I just feel like an a-hole. For some reason in photos she always looks so orange to me, so I figured spray tans were the culprit. I feel doubly lame because the huscat is from North Africa but because he looks more Mediterranean to the general populace (who don’t realize how diverse other areas of the world can be), he’s constantly being asked things like, “but where are you really from? what are your parents?”

          • In the world of grift, it is just as likely if not more so that someone named Annie Lalla would be a white girl with a spray tan who adopted an Indian name than someone actually of Indian descent, so how would you know? If I had a dollar for every blonde energy healer I’ve met who called herself Kali Devi or something, I could afford to drown my sorrows in fine champagne.

          • Albie, HA! Honestly, I could, too. My mom is the main NPD person in my life and if she were younger this is totally the crowd she would fall into (currently she runs in the older “get rich quick” grifter circle). Anyhow, Annie Lalla is totally something one of her super-white lady friends in a sari would be named. For her part my mom has assumed my husband’s ethnicity by association.

        • He actually has 3: Christian Carter (who is played by an actor, no joke).

          A year or two ago, I compiled a bunch of “research” on him…I’ll see if I can dig it up. It is some serious evil grifter wackadoo shit.

  25. Now that EPIC EUROPE is coming to an end, can we talk about how the ONLY thing that she seemed enthusiastic about the whole time was the Pisa photoshoot. It’s the only post where she describes herself as “happy.” I guess the Paris photoshoot also qualifies. The rest of the time she’s describing how Derpin loves this or that or giving some kind of tepid appraisal of oysters or bitching about traveling to Seville and whatnot. And she wasn’t even excited about the PLACES of Pisa and Paris…just the photoshoots.

    I didn’t think this trip was going to be as pathetic as it turned out. Where are the photos of delicious food and beautiful vistas and buildings? Nope, just shot after shot of cringe-y kissy faces. Unbelievable.

    • My current pet theory regarding the missing food pics is that if they went to eat out at all, she probably did not stick to her faux gluten-free diet and hence no pictures of food could be posted.

      Alternatively she made such a fuss in each restaurant that all they ever served was a sad broccoli stem or some lettuce, which does not make for great visuals.

      • I don’t think she enjoys food. And she doesn’t appreciate culture or landscapes. I almost feel sorry for her (key word: almost) because I honestly don’t know how or where she finds joy in life.

        • I would say when she gazes at herself in the mirror, but I suppose that must have stopped being fun a while ago, thanks to relentless messing with her face.

          She has come across as deeply unhappy for quite some time now, in part, I suppose, because she is one of the few people I have ever seen who stubbornly refuse to evolve. From what I can see she has not changed, let alone grown, one bit since her supposed hey day in 2006 (Ellsbeth protestations regardless), so unless she gets on that stat, I don’t see happiness in her future.

        • I remember this moment of awful clarity from years back when she let slip on her liecast that “I really like it when people look at me all dressed up,” or words very similar. For me, that is the key constant that informs the Julia Allison Story as it is presented online.

          • Right. She is happiest when being admired, even if her brain has to do cartwheels to convince her that she IS being admired. She knows she can’t impress anyone with her brains, so she’s turned to her looks. They’re her tiny glimmer of hope for male attention/female jealousy.

            Which is sad. But then she’s also a terrible person, so whatever. Good luck with that face, Julie.

          • it’s so easy to go a little good in the world, and people are admired for it, but no …….

    • She said that Derpin bought her a pink ring for thief one year anniversary while in Lucca. I don’t think this trip has turned out at all now she hoped it would.

      Sad Donkey!

  26. Thank FUCK she never made it to the UK, I was genuinely worried about that. I was utterly enraged that she set foot in beautiful Lucca, and I’ve only been there once! I could not have coped with her being on the same island as me.

  27. Donkey must be hating on Meghan Marks so much right now because she has raised the wedding bar way higher than Donks could ever hope to reach. European wedding that has lasted a few days, three “permutations” of a wedding dress (I don’t even know what that means), who’s who of Silicon Valley, multiple photographers, costumes – this is everything the Donkorita wants for herself and will never have. It’s going to be a tent in the back yard (albeit by a lovely lake), or by Greg, dadsers refuses to pay. Poor Donks.

    • She’s gushing up a storm about the wedding but of course includes a photo of herself in the “costume tent” and mentions that she was the first one to use it. Of course.

      She must be reeling. That wedding was completely over the top. And she’s hanging with the Derp and her pink promise ring.

    • He has good home taste. On a sidenote: I’ve been occassionally internet stalking Yimmy. He’s such an Aggie bonehead. I love him.

    • What’s the over/under on how soon D0nk works “Accoutrements” into a tweet?

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