Someone Help This Poor Child

The despicable shit stain known to the Cherokee as Great Big Fat Person is making the gracious sacrifice to clear some time in her wide-open schedule to mentor an @stupidwoman who looked up the definition of “journalist” in her great, big dictionary and apparently confused it with the definition for “jockey.”

Screen shot 2013-04-30 at 6.20.08 AM

Someone stop her. This poor girl, who I guess comes from a family that is really lazy about spelling out middle and last names, is already taking Donkey-esque phone pics of Strunk & White, sans claws, and we all know how much Donkey loves to underline that book with her juicy farts. Y’all apparently have a whole entire month whilst Julia travels on the continent to prevent tragedy, according to Julia, who returns mid-May from getting engaged and upstaging a friend’s wedding with her epic Paris engagement.

See, young female journalist? Julia is already lying to you!


    • Here’s something else to keep in mind: her research skills are non-existent. Great start young, female journalist. I see big things in your future.

          • What is the deal about losers like this who write a few lame tidbits for a third-rate market free weekly and then market themselves as journalists? Do they not realize how laughable and pathetic this is?

            Plus the whole, oh, we’re millennials and nobody over 30 understands us and they are poopyhead old people anyway so we are going to write to ourselves about ourselves! We are so special and nobody has ever been our age before!!1! I fucking hate these idiots. Go write for Thought Catalog, Bee. You’ll be in your element.

    • Julia’s Publicist, I will have you know that I literally pressed play to hear Axis two seconds before I read this. Karmic, coincidence! But true.

      Sorry dear Jacy doesn’t like them! I love Pet Shop Boys, they are authentically brilliant. No exaggeration to say, my favorite band.
      This one is the intro to their concert tour happening now, and it’s cool to see the crowd’s reaction in places like Mexico.

      • someone i know recently described their backstage meet and greet experience with PSB. sounded awkward.

    • Past four hours, 1am EST:

      Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison 4h
      @mdonati – not sure! Headed to Europe then possibly more travel. 🙂 probably SF by fall, but who knows?!

      Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison 4h
      @mspollito – not exactly sure yet! Headed to Europe first, then we’ll see!

      Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison 7h
      Move out complete. And that’s all from Marina del Rey, ladies & gentlemen. What a strange two years it has been.

      I suppose the two or three morons who actually care asked and got “Dunno!” from our lady-writer life-coach here. You know, this broad telling us how to live, she has no idea where she will be when she returns from Europe.

  1. Alison Lea Sher has worked as a line cook! They’ll hit it off immediately!

    “Be You Be Sure is an online, creative writing magazine made for and by Millennials.
    We write about serious, contemporary issues in a way that caters to short attention spans, is sprinkled with satire, and designed to reflect young adults’ points of view.
    During a time when social critics, psychologists, and (older) people in general have categorized our generation as delusional, stagnated, and largely self-absorbed, Be You Be Sure is an outlet for Millennials to define who we are. Chyea!
    Our mission is to help others understand our demographic.
    By sharing the stories of Millennials of all different stripes, we hope to evoke a sense of empathy within our generation; the realization that my struggle es su struggle, and all those other emotions that connect us as one big human family.”


    • “We write about serious, contemporary issues in a way that caters to short attention spans…” OMG! Like, isn’t that bomber guy cute?

    • “James may be fresh out of undergraduate at Temple University, but his soul is 2,784 years old. His degree is in Business Management, and he’s fascinated with innovative, entrepreneurial thinking, as well as the social trends of Millennials.”

      haha, I went to Temple. It’s not a bad school, but this dude is not a writer.

    • Be You Be Sure is an outlet for Millennials to define who we are. …Our mission is to help others understand our demographic.

      Step 1. Collect underpants free content.

      Step 2. ? Bait marketers with targeted demographic.

      Step 3. PROFIT!

      Chyea, that smells about right.

    • Did I hear that right? “My struggle es su struggle????”

      There just isn’t enough “fuck off” the in the world.

    • As someone who dates a developer that does not moonlight as a professional line cook, I can say with confidence that her website is appalling. Plus her link in her bio doesn’t work. I’m embarrassed to be a millennial most days.

  2. How long until Donkey hits her up for some money “just to hold me over until I get my payment from my last amazballs writing job for XOJane”?

  3. Unrelated to this post, more the last one, but I just had a hilarious thought: Imagine when she asks a Parisienne waiter what items on the menu are gluten-free. Good luck with that, faker.

    • What do you mean you don’t have any gluten-free baguettes?

      DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM??????

      Devin!!! Bake me a quinoa baguette!!!


      (repeated due to reply fail. Ss, sf)

    • I’m living in Paris and I can tell you that outside some awesome cafes run by ex-pats (which are totally trendy in a good way, but not “French” enough for JA) that there are ZERO gluten-free options in Paris.

      Like nothing. A friend with a peanut allergy visited awhile ago and when she asked owners if their kitchen was “peanut-free” they had no idea why she was asking. They don’t have nearly as many food allergies here.

      • France has a high incidence of celiac disease, and the AFDIAG is a great clearinghouse of resources for people who can’t eat gluten. It’s just that nobody makes a fuss about it any more than they do about any other actual medical condition, because it’s not a trendy thing to complain about.

        And Biosphere and Helmut Newcake, the two best-known gluten-free joints in Paris, are both run by Parisians, not expats.

        Now, none of this makes any difference to Julie, because she’s just lying. But people with real celiac and gluten allergy can find delicious food, including baguettes and croissants and pastries, in Paris.

        • I really hate Julie’s fakery on this, because it trivializes a serious health issue. Boo, Julie.

  4. Calm down Kevins! Donkey has underlined The Four Second Mentor and photographed her green nails next to it, pinned that photo to her Pinterest board and based a Bold Academy lecture around actualizing that photo on to a real-life whiteboard covered in butcher paper and texta-drawn hearts and arrows. She’s not just doing this for one-l Allison, she’s doing it for all the girls. ‘Shroom?

  5. SS posted this end of last thread…thought it deserved a bump. Not a Tahoe-style bump, Julia; it’s moving day and even though you don’t have to lift a single fucking tutu, blow in the morning is a terrible idea.

    Vote time! Which version of the script will air?

    a) She develops a sinus infection (the dreaded nasal billowitis) and gets ‘grounded’ by ‘her doctor’. Trip canceled.
    b) They go to Paris, but return after 3 days (as scheduled) when her ‘celiac’ acts up.
    c) Same as b), but instead of flying back with Debby, she flies to Chicago to see a ‘specialist’ then waits for the moving van to arrive from LA.
    d) They go to Paris, then head off to a ‘spiritual retreat’ in some dismal banlieue, where no one speaks English.
    e) The leave the retreat and go to the wedding in Spain, wondering how they will pay their rent for the next 3 months.
    f) They return to LA after the spiritual retreat, because celiac.
    g) Same as f), but she flies to Chicago to see a ‘specialist’ then waits for the moving van to arrive from LA.

  6. OT and not sure if anyone mentioned in previous thread* but have we discussed Jason Collins coming out of the closet and it basically being no biggie? Kind of awesome.

    * CDB, tell your AR15 kitten to blow himself

      • Top articles in Almost Magazine this month:

        I Shut Down My Daughter’s Hater-site by Peter Baugher, Esq.

        Living In Cindy McCain’s Condo in San Diego by Julia Allison

        Telling The Truth About Arrington by Meghan Asha

      • I meant the fact that most Americans just shrug that it’s not a big deal, live and let live. Of course there are teabillies out there still, but think of someone had come out of the closet even in 2000. I don’t have to tell you it would’ve been very different. We still had DADT and the idiotic DOMA hadn’t even been passed yet. Matthew Sheppard had just been killed and Lawrence v. Texas hadn’t been cert’d to the Supreme Court yet. No state had gay marriage, I’m not even sure if any had same sex civil unions yet (probably, but not many).

        Big changes in the last 10 yrs.

        • the lunatic crazy taliban fundamentalist right wing crazies pushed everyone so hard that uncle bill and aunt mary who used to just live quietly with their “roommates” in east fucking nowhere towns had to stand up and throw down and tell their mouth breathing church going relatives what it is

          that’s my theory anyway

    • I don’t get it. Aren’t there lesbian basketball players all over the god damn place? When I lived in Houston, one of them opened up a lesbian bar. (I think?) It may have been a bar that happened to have a KT Tunstell night. To me the fact that this is news shows the inherent sexism in gay culture. Some chick from the WNBA throws a clam bake, and no one notices. But nooooo, some dude does it and it’s all, “Flame on, you sparkle fairy!!!!”

        • They didn’t come out while playing and while Martina and Billy Jean are 2 of the top 5 players of all time in their sport, women’s tennis is a far cry from the NFL or NBA. An NBA player coming out and being cheered by the testosterone-fueled players in the league and by straight guy sports fans shows very high levels of acceptance. Still a ways to go to get to equality, but still a very interesting sign.

        • Team sports vs. individual sports was the distinction I saw being made, because obviously Greg Louganis and Johnny Weir and so on, too.

          • They characterize basketball as one of the big 4 – NFL, MLB, NHL and NBA. Yes, even though soccer is bigger globally, these are the top sports in terms of revenue in the US. And they are all male. There have been athletes that have come out and lived their life openly but not in the big 4.

          • And there has never been an openly gay professional soccer player in Germany, it’s still a huge taboo. Even the German chancellor tried to encourage closeted players to come out after a very sad anonymous interview with a gay player.

        • Kind of cool thing? When I was a teen I washed windows for my dad, and at one famous billionaire’s beach mansion, on a weekly visit (sea salt is a bitch on windows), he was hosting his famous charity tennis event one day.

          I kid you not, I was cleaning a glass door when I recognized Martina Navratilova playing tennis behind me in the reflection.

          I honestly don’t give a damn about sports, but that was pretty cool. Martina also drove her own Maserati/Ferrari -some unbelievably fancy sportscar to this event. It was cool to see her, weird that I only recognized her by recognizing her relflection in glass.

          • Back when I sold real estate in the town of cow, she had a condo by Shady Oaks CC & when it went on the mkt, a friend of mine had the listing — I once helped her during an Open House (scads of lookie-loos, have to watch everyone like a hawk) — so anyway, at the end of the day & before jumping in the car, I used the powder room — now, I take no enjoyment from this, but it’s entirely possible that my bare ass has been where Martina Navratilova’s bare ass has been.

      • Thank you! They refer to him as the first “major” athlete to come out. Uh, the ladies have like 30 years on him. But, it definitely is cool that he did that.

        When people in the media say “gay,” they are usually referring to men. The LBT part gets left out a lot.

      • The NBA is huge money; the WNBA is not.

        That said, I think most people care more about the fact that he’s a shitty scorer and doesn’t impress with rebounding than what his sexual orientation is.

    • I didn’t know who Jason Collins was …
      Now I know him for his sexual preference …
      That ain’t right.

      Fuck the media & their manufactured “news”.

      • He chose to come out as gay, which I think was awesome of him to do while an active NBA player. You’ve never heard of him because he’s a competent but not stellar player who’s been traded a lot. This wasn’t some kind of muckraking done on him, this was him using his visibility as a pro athlete to make a statement.

        • He was much more visible about 10 years ago when he was initially drafted, because he and his twin brother (who retired 2 years ago) were both in the NBA. The media found it extremely cute.

        • I knew it wasn’t muckraking; I knew it was of his own volition that the “news” broke … I suppose I’m being pissy because it all has the feel (to me) that any & every celeb’s sexuality is meant for public consumption … I’m looking forward to when it gets no more attn than does the direction they hang their toilet paper … the next guy whose sexual preference raises such a stir may not be prepared for the attn at all, but I bet it matters not, since the tone is set.

          • I see what you’re getting at, and I think you make a good point. In the interview, though, he talked about why it felt important to him to come out publicly, and the way he put it was convincing. I’m not sure he anticipated the flavor of the media circus that has ensued, though.

          • I wasn’t doing a good job of making my point either (JP pretty much verbalizes where I was going w/ it though) …

            Also, it’s unsolicited blowback from asshats like Chris Broussard playing the xtian card, & then the subsequent media attn that all of that fallout gets, omg twitter fights, & so on …

            I get it that ESPN & Deadspin, etc., cover this, but every local news outlet I subscribe to has been all over this all day & what made me really, really cranky is that just today those same local news outlets are only now broadcasting an Amber Alert for a 14-year-old last seen a week ago yesterday.

            My idea of “BREAKING NEWS!” obviously does not dovetail w/ that of the general consensus.

        • This was him trying to get some positive news, since he’s now a free agent and isn’t a top player.

          • Also: “The number 98 is an extremely important number to the gay community.” Um. . . were those pages missing from my handbook? Because I have never heard that, ever.

          • Matthew Shepherd died in 1998 and he wore that number in honor of his memory.

      • A small part of it that bothers me is this celebration of the heterosexualization of homosexuality, like, here’s a dude who does dudes doing dude things, and he must be congratulated because he is so brave because he is not doing anything queeny to freak other dudes out. I get it, there needs to be some of that for greater society to accept homosexuality as a normal, nothing special thing.

        But as I told my friend on Facebook, it’s just that it’s an almost TOO SPECIFIC landmark: first gay professional athlete in one of America’s top four professional sports who came out while active in his sport. There are gay athletes in all sorts of other sports, and have been for ages.

        Basically what we are celebrating here is the fourth best-selling issue of Wired in the decade between 1998 and 2008, when you really take a look at it. It doesn’t mean anything. And it’s almost offensive that people are making a big deal about it not being a big deal. Especially to out athletes who have been out for ages, when it was a huge deal. It’s like, oh, you’re not brave because you’re a lesbian fitting the stereotype, or your a faggoty ice dancer and your sport doesn’t matter, or your an internationally-reknowned Austrailian rugby player, but we don’t know you in America, a/k/a the center of the universe, so who the fuck cares?

        Congratulations, Jason Collins, there is nothing remarkable about your basketball career or your sexuality. Whoop-dee-do!

        • (WHO IS THE) ‘first gay professional athlete in one of America’s top four professional sports who came out while active in his sport’(?)

          See? For all of the whoop-dee-do, it basically amounts to a Trivial Pursuit question … difference is, even my non-sports-following self could get this one right.

        • JP, I’ve been trying to articulate that since yesterday. Thank you.

          Every time someone is all DID YOU SEE ME NOT MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS???, I get a headache from all the eyerolling.

          • I didn’t even think about that, but yeah, everyone should live their truth.

          • I’d feel happier for him if he hadn’t lead a woman on for 7-8 years, including getting engaged to her. If you can’t live your truth, try not to ruin other lives with your lie. What an asshole.

          • It appears that he came out to family and friends and has been accepted with open arms, prior to his public outing. That is the only the false front that needs to be knocked down, acknowledging the truth to those you care about and love.

            Good for him coming out publicly, but let’s face it, he didn’t have to in order “to live his truth.” Did he have to come out to his teammates? I don’t know. Whether he’s gay or not doesn’t inhibit or enhance his ability to play basketball. I’m sure most of them don’t give a fuck now that they know. Did he have to come out to the whole world? Who knows? Prolly not. I mean, yeah, gay rights and all, but what does it accomplish? No one knew who he was yesterday, and those who did, I’m sure weren’t speculating about his sex life.

            And does anyone really think there is some kindergay out there that didn’t think he could play basketball, because he was afflicted with the homosexuality, but now knows he can. I’m sure that kid was already playing basketball, and I’m sure he’s fabulous on the court.

            I don’t know, maybe I’m just bitter this news totally overshadowed the Tony Award nominations.

        • It felt similar to “John Kerry is the first white male to be the Secretary of State in 16 years!”

          First gay basketball player!

          I mean, are we just out of stuff to say?

          • No different than what supposedly occurred during one of more than 107+ congressional terms:

            ‘Julian Allison … also worked on a high-profile congressional campaign, making her the youngest legislative correspondent in the DC office of a prominent Illinois Congressman during the 107th Congress.’

            FFS! D0nkey unhinging her gaping maw & tonguing envelope flaps (IF it even happened) is a regular occurrence by the youngest person in every office of every congressperson every year …

            Contrived stats happen ALL (snap) THE (snap) TIME (snap)

      • I don’t give a fuck which gender you prefer to fuck… unless it’s YOU I want to fuck, then it’s fucking newsworthy.

  7. Digital Nomad never heard of WiFi? Can’t mentor the dim wit because of Europe trip?
    These types of stupid statements (Me Europe!)
    Are why Julia is still ridiculous & stunted.

    Guaranteed ::::: complaints about roaming charges #whilst in ye Olde Europe.
    LIE—life is expensive

    • She needs to really focus on actualizing the sad settling down with her last hope, No-peen One Gaybrony. She doesn’t have time for mentoring stupidwoman(wishing there’s more All About Eve/Single White Female element here for chuckles).

      • Both Margo Channing and Eve Harrington were talented, though. This is just the bland leading the bland.

    • She’s too cheap to get a foreign SIM card.

    • [img][/img]

  8. What do you mean you don’t have any gluten-free baguettes?

    DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM??????

    Devin!!! Bake me a quinoa baguette!!!


  9. “She possesses the spirit of a hustler. Her nickname is Bee.”

    Thank God there was no internet when I was your age, Bee.

  10. Hold up. Today is moving day? Where is all of her oversized rachel shitty shabby stuff going?!? No way it’d fit in Dewin’s 500 ft cell.

    • She hasn’t said WHERE she’s moving. And no one is asking, which is just bizarre. We’re assuming she’s going into the downtown Pizza Hut, but, yeah, her stuff won’t fit in there. So I guess they have a week to get used to living on top of each other in Downtown LA before their EPIC Europe trip.

      I’m sure even her enabling parents don’t condone this plan–moving in with a fellow unemployed slacker and then taking off for three weeks.

      • She’s probably putting it all in storage for when they move to their five bedroom Russian Hill penthouse in San Francisco.

        • I need her to be far far away, like Bernal Heights far away. Even San Jose will work but ideally San Jose, Costa Rica.

          • Suck it up. NY had to deal with her for a few years. Not only that, but at that time, she was doing all sorts of interviews with out of town and international media, in which she was portrayed as a “typical NY girl.” And we wonder why foreigners hate us…

      • Haven’t they been mostly living together in MdR for a while?

        I think she actually did indicate (or at least imply) that she was moving in with him and his depressing restaurant fixtures. Maybe it was just a reference to Devin’s place being the one “they” were “keeping”?

        • But that still means she has to do something with the stuff that doesn’t fit in Shakey (Table) ‘s (Healing Personal Pan) Pizza.

          Which is pretty much everything. She could probably fit one tutu and one portrait of herself in there, frex.

          • At least some of it was purchased w/ never-given-away “Tressemme Give-Away” Target Gift Cards …

          • I was just responding to SJS’s questions about where Donk is moving and whether her parents would be (newly) disappointed by the arrangement.

            Obviously, her stuff won’t fit at Debbie’s, if that’s where she’s going. This is probably yet another moment where the unraveling of her current lies will expose her past lies.

            We haven’t seen Madame Deborah in a while, have we? I don’t necessarily think he’s already gone, but it wouldn’t shock me. It wouldn’t be the first time she tried to save face by denying a breakup until the moment she thought her announcement would garner maximum sympathy.

            Of course, Occam’s Brayzor tells us that the most boring/stupid answer is usually correct.

          • Oh, got it, WP. Yes, she absolutely suggested they were keeping Shaky House of Pizza as their pied-a-terre in LA. Because two adults and an elderly incontinent dog in a 500-square-foot studio is a recipe for happiness.

          • Donkey posted on FB on Monday that her “man” was helping her pack. So Delvis has not yet left the building.

        • It seemed like Dervin/Dewin/Debbin never even moved in with her, since there was absolutely no sign of any man [yeah, I know] stuff in Marina del Bray. Wouldn’t he bring some clothes, or the sad typewriter with one torn sheet of binder paper, or the OMG best tea kettle?

          • How is she not blabbing on about moving in with her boyfriend, seriously?! I can’t believe she’d waste a pooportunity to bray about how she’s kept a “man” for a whole year and they’ll be deliciously vibrating their way into cohabitation. I mean, she is the only woman on earth to have had a boyfriend ever and theirs is a fairytale romance, after all.

            BTW, I see I spelled opportunity wrong. Typo stays, as “poop” is definitely fitting when discussing Julia.

  11. Oops, I need to post this in this thread, too.


    • haha Brilliant! Here, have a box of Franzia. You’ll need it after your accurate and scary look into the (largely empty) mind of Donkey.

      I’m kinda worried about her reviving her lip dubs and doing one with Dervin to ‘Raspberry (pink) Beret’. *shudder* vom. There’s no way she’ll be able to resist donning a beret.

      Bingo is ON, bitches.

      • She makes everything look horrible. If the only info I ever heard about New York had been her braying about the city back when she “was a New Yorker,” I’d have thought that New York was a disgustingly boring place full of snobby hicks and snobby hickish things, and I would never have considered a visit. That was one of the first things about Donks that clued me in.

    • Excellent Bingo (wings) card! But may I suggest moving “No proposal from Devin :(” to the center square?

  12. RE: Pink Beret – I’m reminded of what could be my favorite-ever username on RBD / RBNS…. “Raspberry Bray”

  13. OT — just noting that D0nkey’s Fans in the ‘Stans tally is slowly inching back up — makes me think she’s buying followers by the hooveful now, after getting spotlit on the recent mass exodus of more than 17,499+ fake followers.


    Oh, & CAPTCHA, in it’s infinite wisdom, said: sudo make sandwich
    (It’s as if it knows Chef Gurl R Dee the Line Cook feeds D0nkey the Gluten)

    • I soooo hate this photo/fauxto—-just disgusting.
      The New York Public Library should send a cease & desist/defamation letter.
      Ughh- keeping posting it and we’ll all keep hating #Julia Allison Baugher.

  14. Uhhhhh, how long has Bitchface been doing absolutely nothing? I’m impatient and I want her to start her next personality.

    What will it be? Author? No way. Back to blogging? Another shitty tv show? Another crappy “column” that no one will read? I’m just so curious about what she thinks she’s going to do next.

    • The dumb Marianne Williamson focused on vibrating relationships.
      Qualification: The Boyfriend.
      But, I miss the Founder days. Yes, those FU-money-is-coming days of lore.
      Tied with… Pilot Season Bi-Coastal Gotta be in LA, Baby. Fame-is-a-coming!

      • I miss everything prior to November 1st, 2006: the first time I heard her name. Thanks, Gawker.

    • She’s already calling herself an author. She’ll throw together a 10th rate imitation of EPL, with tons of borrowings from self-help books and a few choice fake quotes from Aristotle, plus a chapter on her successful start-up and her stunning careers in journalism and documentary film, and tie the whole mess together with the question “why can’t the world see how wonderful I am?”.

        •! (I published through them years ago, and it’s cheap and easy.. and you can even have hard cover books made, with an ISBN number and everything) 🙂

      • Donk could write a book, if she could set aside her unwarranted ego for a minute or two. She has managed to get by for 32 years without holding down an actual 8-5 job like the rest of us. Granted, much of this was enabled by her well-meaning parents.. But, there was also a lot of grifting and manipulation of strategic friendships that helped, too.

        She has managed to get by with minimal effort, other than excessive scheming.. But nonetheless she has gotten by. There has to be some useful info in her story, if she would tell it honestly, for other would be grifters and lay-abouts.

        Julie: Fuck your ego, write a book. Write about what you know (grifting and getting by without working). Seriously, there are people out there who would buy it.

        • Too lazy to write an article, let alone a book. She’d never make it through the book proposal. And she’s a shitty writer who’d need major editing.

          Also, do normal people have “strategic friendships,” or is that just for Donkey types?

    • YURP. She’s going to YURP. God knows how or with whose money, but she will be busy invading overseas. You know who else showed up in a country unwanted? (Okay, hundreds of millions. I MEANT HITLER).

      She is so useless. She does nothing, I am mystified as to what she does all day. No idear.

  15. Also? What kind of idiot publically asks a pariah, a piece of social-media botulism like Julia Allison, to be their “mentor” as a writer? Could someone get this fucked-up girl a clue? Julia can barely write in English. What sort of fucknut asks for “mentoring” from someone they don’t know? “Yah, call me in June, stranger, love to!”

    This girl is obviously a potential serial killer that we should alert the whole Oklahoma area about before she starts her killing spree. Asking Julia Allison for writing advice and mentorship is clearly a sign of dangerous and sick mental illness. We should be proactive and save lives, right? Oh wait, Stephen Colbert is on. Catch you later. Whatever, what I said.

    • Look, the word has obviously gotten out about Puspito Vito Oo Nugroho, if you get my drift. this girl just wants an introduction to Chef Debbie to learn his mad line cook serial killing skillz.

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