Julia Allison Would Like The World To Know That She Dated That British Dude With That Website And Millions Of Dollars

VEGAS!!! Okay, I haven’t gotten drunk, gambled, pole danced or vomited yet – but I leave Monday! THERE’S STILL TIME.

Um. . . good for you? There is plenty that you can do in Vegas without acting like a complete asshole.

Anyway, Julia Allison, whose schedule is COMPLETELY CLEAR after the premiere of Bravo’s Miss Advised in case you want to book her for club appearances (according to Julia Allison), confirms what we already knew and didn’t care about: she went on a couple of dates with the Mind Candy dude.

@acton – Sounds like one of our dates 😉 RT @acton: An amazing jumble of campfires, whisky, stories, tea, laughter and lashings of rain.

*Yawn. Try harder, dearest.

Meanwhile, I don’t think she should be publicly mocking the cast of Jersey Shore.

I feel like the entire cast of Jersey Shore (with more tats than the cast of INKED) just sat down next to me at The Palms pool in Vegas.

We’re hearing that Julia desperately wants to set up meetings with Snooki so she can figure out how much to charge for club appearances and such, which is hilarious considering that she wanted Snooki and The Situation to come to her birthday party for free and then mocked Snooki for being on the cover of something.

Honey, the last time I saw a donkey in a bar it was in Acuña, Mexico, and believe me, the going rate was not that much for the work involved.


      • Exactly. Snooki has a quote and it would be very well known by anyone who inquired.

          • Sorry – her “quote,” in LA speak, is the price she charges for appearances.

        • I’m sure people pay for Snooki to go to their bar or party or whatever.

          A Donkey, on the other hand, is like a bad mariachi band—you’d gladly pay for her to bray elsewhere.

          • This may be the most successful “fuck you money” scheme A Donkey ever came up with, actually. “Fuck off money,” that is.

  1. “We’re hearing that Julia desperately wants to set up meetings with Snooki so she can figure out how much to charge for club appearances”

    She is sooooooooo delusional. This delusion is of MENTAL PROPORTIONS. I am not even being sarcastic. She needs serious help.

    No one wants to party with a 47 year old.

    • Fuck it, I am 47, and I don’t want to party with her, because she’s too prim and stuffy and boring.

        • My grown daughter spent her first Christmas with her new husband’s family this year, and was quite homesick for our rituals. I thought she would mention the great food or her dear younger brothers or something normal and sentimental, but when I asked her what she missed most she said, “I missed hearing you say, ‘It’s ten in the morning — open the wine and let’s get this holiday going.'”

          • Oh, but Handbag, everything you said about family and food is also wrapped up in that glorious morning statement. At Christmas, we had a similar tradition, except my dad would bring out the Bommerlunder and Stollen around 10am. (fig, you know what I’m talkin’ ’bout!).

  2. should she not base her rate on what she would give us to go away?

    remember in November Voting Donkey is just plain ass lazy

    Yeah, surprising evidently if you vote a straight party ticket its nicknamed Voting Donkey

  3. Predictable Donkey is so predictable – I walked past a magazine stand and Michael Acton was on the cover of a tech magazine and I thought, “Oh, if Julia sees this, any day she’ll be giving him a shout out.”

  4. Okay, here is the sign when Donkey hits bottom and changes:

    ‘When she cuts off the pelts and goes with her real hair”

    but until than the CEO of Donkey INC would have us know that everyone in Afghanistan wants to pay the going rate for a donkey part..

  5. “Lashings of rain”? How Byronic! I can hardly wait for the Big Dreams biography!

  6. set up meetings to figure out a quote? the fuck? it’s called pick up the phone and call her PR rep and ask, which is what your own PR person or agent would do. i have never understood julia’s retarded obsession with “meetings”…

  7. So, she gets like $5k an episode for Miss Advised and they shoot enough for, I’m guessing 10 episodes?

    Basically she’s getting $50k, and in exchange – she gets a guarantee nobody will ever want to have a LTR, much less marry her after seeing this program.

    I really gotta say bravo to Bravo for making this happen.

    • Try 8 episodes for a whopping 40K. But Julia’s clearly been BIG DREAMING re: Miss Despised’s inevitable Nielsen sweep, because the contrivances concocted for three spinsters is sure to prove CAN’T MISS TV!

    • I am not sure this is confirmed, but I was hearing more like $2,500 per episode. And think of what she has to give to her agent and manager.

  8. Good thing she’s preparing for overnight success, so she’ll be ready when the phone never rings.

  9. Do you think she realizes this show is going to be a tremendous failure? She has to know, right? And she’s just doing it because she has nothing better to do, until she figures out the next way to justify her existence by not getting a real job? I have to believe that.

    Related: I cannot imagine how hardcore she is freaking the fuck out that she still hasn’t landed a meal ticket.

    • >And she’s just doing it because she has nothing better to do

      …plus the fact that she has no concept of long-term planning. She thinks that once one thing happens, everything else is like pushing the first in a long line of dominos that fall chik, chik, chik; automatically causing bigger and better things to happen.

      the kind of person who believes that a wedding is the end of a destination and not the beginning of a journey…

    • Before she fucked up her metabolism on all those juice cleanses and actually exercised, yup she was.

  10. She’s like a magician. Her head was so small there, and now it’s too big! I want to know how her head LITERALLY matches her ego now! HOW?!?!?

    • It’s true, the enormonoggin is a relatively recent development. I assume it’s the combo of pelts and puffyface.

  11. I love how absolutely no one has commented on the Mind Candy dude. NOBODY CARES WHO YOU DATE, JULIA!

  12. That picture makes me feel so sad for her. Her hair looks normal, her face looks natural and pretty, she looks Tiny and Cute and her dress isn’t a Halloween costume. It would destroy me to look at those kinds of photos if I were her. She can never get those looks back, no matter how much she pays for mail order spinach juice.

  13. She doesn’t know that there are two different audiences for Bravo and MTV? I don’t see the Bravo crowd showing up at a club to catch a glance of anyone let alone the Donkey.

    • Maybe Prof C can help me out here, but I know she once blathered to some network exec about how much she loved a particular show…on a different network.

        • I am wrong, it was VH1:

          Allison admits on the ride uptown that she hasn’t cleared my attendance with anyone at VH-1. “Don’t worry, we’ll just fake it. I guess I should call my agent, I really have no idea what this is about.” After some polite chit chat with mid-level apparatchiks, Allison is led into the office of VH-1 head Michael Hirschorn. Afterward, she recounted their conversation. It went something like this:

          “I just want to tell you how much I love The Girls Next Door,” says Allison.
          “Yes, but,” says Hirschorn.
          “It is really my favorite show, says Allison, her head bobbing up and down. “I’m hooked.”
          “Uh,” says Hirschorn.
          “No, seriously,” I love it,” insists Allison.
          “But it’s not on this network,” says Hirschorn.
          Allison skips her way back to the elevator. “I think that went really well!”

          • Oh, god, I’m dying. This is especially funny if you know Hirschorn, who has the thinnest skin in the entertainment business. I bet if A Donkey somehow floated onto his radar (unlikely) he would remember her doucherie chapter and verse.

          • CodeName: Donkey! was braying & interrupting & braying some more; she never heard a word he said (except ‘here’ when he handed her phone back after taking the fauxto of her that she ordered him to snag).

          • Blowing meetings like that is why she got nowhere and got fired by her agents. She think it’s cute and adorable and she’s just too above it to take five seconds to Google the Network’s shows.

            It takes a lot for an agent to get someone high level to take a mtg like that. Fuck, people that worked on Fraiser and Friends are now trying to get mtgs like that. She is an idiot and Karma is just so much fun to watch.

            Miss Advised #ad

          • I haven’t read this in ages. She is SUCH an asshole.

            The alterations have clearly worked. Wearing a red Diane Von Furstenberg dress, Julia Allison is one of the beautiful people. Then the door opens. Allison’s pedicured crimson toes are housed in faux Yves St. Laurent heels and her first step turns her left ankle near sideways. She skitters across wet pavement like a toddler on skates, barely avoiding a face plant. She recovers and offers an endearingly dorky look. “Jesus, like I have time to go home and change.” Julia Allison then shoots a mock glare. “I can’t believe you didn’t come to Fox. We were talking about whether or not it’s cool for your girlfriends to date your exes.” There is a thoughtful pause. “It is so not cool.”

            Agreed, but does a soundbite exist if it was preempted locally by 9/11 commemoration ceremonies? When informed her romantic musings didn’t air in New York, Allison corkscrews her face into a cartoony pout. “Are you fucking kidding me? That was a kick ass segment.”

          • Malformed I enjoy your insidery industry info. I know nothing about this crap.

            Also, I LOVE stories like that about her. She really thought who she was…which was a cunt. I can’t!

          • “faux Yves St. Laurent heels”

            Even the reporter picked up on her love for counterfeit designer shoes. Guffaw.

  14. The Donkey Lounge at the Astana Radisson, Kazakhstan, proudly presents star of American TV Advise Ladies show Julian Allison, famous of Twitter and Facebook, one night for dreaming only! Special Musical Guest Julia Price, too skinny but still very nice looking, appearing with our swinging Filipino House Orchestra singing many hits of America! Reserve a rug today!

    • I thought show was singing donkey, not big mouth puppet lady and bad singing boyish American girl. I want my denars back!

  15. Michael Acton is vile. He’s best friends with Paul Carr, and made Paultato change his name in PC’s memoirs. Besides never showering, he fucks anything that moves. Hint: Nothing to brag about, Donkey. His standards are pretty low.

  16. i look at julia’s twitter and if attending amway/landmark forum marriage seminars at the age of 31 with a georgetown degree isn’t rock bottom i dont know what is.

    • To point out the obvious, what’s with attending a marriage seminar when you aren’t, you know, married? Next, will she be pulling a Fight Club by attending cancer support groups though she’s cancer-free? (She IS a cancer, but she probably does not HAVE cancer.)

      • i don’t even know what’s worse, attending a marriage seminar when you aren’t even married or being reduced to attending scam conferences because this is all you have left, like there is NOTHING else that requires her presence and time, no job, no hobbies, nothing! Sometimes i’m like wow Julia is pathetic and then sometimes i’m like wow, her life is empty and hollow.

        • or worse, attending a marriage counseling sex therapy session for all your friend who ARE partnered up and having orgies in the same hotel room they are forced to stay in for their $997

  17. Looks like Julia Price booked it out of Vegas fast —

    @beegida: Quick break with my girls at the pool @juliapricemusic, @leahmckendrick, @christieburson, @kellydonohue, @TarynSouthern = happiness. Love LA
    7:12 PM – 29 Apr 12

    • Of course she booked it out. Probably on the first flight she could away from that crap. No fun just indoctrination and stuck at a hotel so they could squeeze her for as much $$$$ as possible.

      • Probably had to get away from the dog shit fumes on the floor of a shared hotel room floor.

        Flusher Price could redeem herself if she somehow let on (& proved) that she took Princess @LillyDog w/ her when she left …

    • I somehow knew Toilet Julia would not be going just to hang out with a Donkey.

      Come on Toilet, see the light.

  18. [img]http://www.facebook.com/ellsberg?ref=pb#!/photo.php?fbid=214685565286509&set=t.617589326&type=1&theater[/img]

  19. She’s so embarrassing in her flirtation with DeStorm. Someone tell her she’s doing it wrong!

    Destorm Power ‏ @DeStorm
    Another workout done! #Summerscoming and so are the abs! Don’t hate…participate! http://instagr.am/p/KBcw2TyM8z/

    Julia Allison Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
    @DeStorm – I just saw a giant billboard for Chippendales on the Vegas strip & thought those abs were yours. 😉 side gig? Hahaha
    5:41 PM – 29 Apr 12 via Echofon · Details

    • Yeah, Julie Albertson, I saw some mashed potatoes on my sideboard and thought they were your abs for a second.

    • Her flirting is so awkward she reminds me of one of those middle-school girls everyone else in the school wants to kill. But up until [redacted] ended things and broke her life she had a lot of success with guys, right? So she must have had better skills at some point?

      • I think her trajectory was not a lot of success at all in HS and college, then she “got hot” post nose job/gawker era…then yeah things fell apart post (redacted) and, well, here we are today. Dating kryptonite. Talk about a tortuous route through dating. Dang.

        • Haha, read that as “tortious route” and thought about her “Jack McCain’s lolyer” fiasco. She really does suck at everything.

      • Doubt it. I bet guys gave her the benefit of the doubt when she was cuter and assumed she said these things ironically or something. The Halo Effect is a crazy thing.

      • I don’t think she had success at all. I think she declared herself as hot and successful in dating, and lazy wannabe news sites like Gawker just repeated her statements instead of, oh I don’t know, spending more than 5 minutes on a post and getting a second source.

        There’s also a huge quality vs. quantity issue here that nobody ever really addresses. Any pushy, not fat girl can go on two or three dates in NYC before she truly turns a guy off. It can take even longer than that for some of the awkward losers she’s dated who probably can’t even interact with normal people on a normal level. (I think that’s why she likes tech guys.) Her flurry of manic dating after her Michael and Alex phase seems to really be around a year if you add it all up, which isn’t much for a 31 y/o.

      • [img]http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/daily-morning-awesomeness-funny-91.jpg[/img]

      • I am shy and not a lot of fun and my face was never my fortune, and I dated way more guys than she did in the corresponding years of my life. Plus probably an equal amount of girls. If you look at it dispassionately, it’s actually kind of sad that her relationships were all so fleeting, and that almost none of those people ever speaks to her, or speaks well of her, now.

        Most of my exes from Albie: The Promiscuous Years (Lookin’ For Love In All The Wrong Places) are friends or at least friendly acquaintances all these years later. I had a lot of fun with my various playmates, too, which I don’t think is really the case for Julie Albertson. Maybe with Redacted and Prom King, I don’t know. Mostly it seems like complaining.

        There was that one photo of her wearing ugly velour sweatpants and drinking from a red party cup with that food blogger guy where it actually looked like she was a real live girl having dumb drunken fun with a guy she liked.

  20. JuliaAllison Vegas cab driver: You look tired! Are you tired? Me: Uh … Isn’t everyone when they leave Vegas?
    21 minutes ago

    Donkey, if a Vegas cab driver, who regularly sees women after they have stayed up for 8 nights straight on coke and sex benders, says you look tired – when you didn’t drink or gamble – girl, it’s time to lay off the Botox and the Restalyne!

    • So she drove out there and flew back? I guess Bravo needed to film the actual road trip?

      Heading home to LAX, filled with new ideas — at Las Vegas (LAS) McCarran International Airport- D Gates.

      • Maybe Baldy drove the Mercedes Volt back?

        I’m sure that whomever loaned or leased that roller skate to CodeName: Donkey! is tots cool w/ her relinquishing possession of their car to someone not on their paperwork!

        Oh, who cares? It’s Dad$er’$ money in the long run, probably.

      • i’m really feeling for lily right now. dogbag under the seat in front, squashed between those enormous hooves.

        the crashing sound you hear is my heart breaking.

        • Seriously. Why even bring her? That dog is too old for this kind of instability. Not to mention the money angle. You usually have to pay a non-refundable pet deposit fee in hotels (which can be $100 in a nicer hotel), and flying a dog costs a few hundred. So she’s spending hundreds of dollars extra to torture her old dog when she can pay a pet sitter so much less to watch her. Doesn’t make sense.

      • Her habit of posting stories about herself making being a “joke” is so sad and obnoxious and yet grimly hilarious.

        Can you imagine how haggard she must have looked if a Vegas cabdriver–reliably fountains of unwanted and vaguely skeezy compliments on one’s appearance, as well as bizarre conspiracy theories–told her she was looking “tired”?

      • The constant tweeting of her supposedly witty quips is one of the most annoying things about her. “Hey everyone, look how cute and funny I am!” And to make it even worse, nothing she says is EVER, EVER, EVER funny. EVER.

    • Can you imagine a cab ride with a donkey? I read it as Julia, pouting because Toilet blew her off to hang out with her real friends or because frankly, Vegas just isn’t fun, was a sulking brat on her way to the airport. Poor cab dude probably just wanted to break the ice and Donkey, barely acknowledging him, texted the exchange.

      So were they all in Vegas for a wedding? And Bravo was there to film it? If so, wacky and tacky for sure, but that will be a fun episode.

  21. Heading home to LAX, filled with new ideas
    Oh this bodes well for some new maniac behavior.
    Run, men of the west coast.
    Run and don’t look back at the sound of clopping hooves behind you.

  22. I just have to laugh at the lack of self-awareness someone needs to have to go to a conference on intuition. I can’t ruminate on it at the moment, because I’m late to the one on common sense.

  23. I’m having a quiet monday morning of running errands at my desk, sipping my office worker issued starbucks and can barely contain myself at the thought of julia doing club appearances at Wet Republic or Tao.

    SHE WISHES! Haaaaa.

      • Now she’s comparing herself to Khloe because she looks like a fucking giant next to the other two girls in that Bravo picture. Um bitch, you wish. Khloe is actually pretty statuesque and has the outsized attitude and personality (and the closet full of platform Louboutins) to match her height. No one is looking at that stubby, dumpy donkey and comparing her to a Kardashian. Trust.

    • Celebrities do this all the time, but its just called a b-day party. No one makes a big deal about it and calls it a charity event.

  24. Guys, this site/cite/sight does not come up in the first page of Google results when I search for donkey caulk. 🙁

  25. Not even smart enough to know when she’s being made fun of:

    JuliaAllison Journalism is quaking in its tattered Converse. RT @ProfJeffJarvis: The future of journalism is @JuliaAllison.
    11 minutes ago

  26. This:

    Jacqueline Rezak ‏ @jacquelinerezak
    Check out this photo of the beautiful @JuliaAllison (FAR LEFT) that I styled for #MissAdvised on @Bravotv! <3 http://pic.twitter.com/hRGuGpDd

    Someone actually did this to her on purpose and is proud of it. I kant.

    • Holy shit, when someone posted that picture a few threads ago, I thought they had just photo shoppe-d Julia to look like a giant. SHE REALLY IS three times larger than the other two girls?!?!? And I’m not even talking fatter, just BIGGER – she looks like a giant Hagrid-esque camera trick special effect next to them. Jesus.

    • What good is a stylist if they make her look exactly the same as if she dressed herself.

  27. Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
    Back in LA. I’ve been here literally – LITERALLY – fourteen minutes and I already got a ticket. Awesome.

    When will she realize this doesn’t make her look cute, it makes her look irresponsible. Why publicize this crap? Enough already. It’s literally – LITERALLY- barely noon and I already kant with this bitch.

  28. So Brit raised $1.25 Million in seed funding for one of her web creations?

    I don’t know whether to laugh or laugh so hard I die from the hysterical unending laughter.

    • It’s hilarious.

      But I think they’re hoping her husband will hook them up with real tech people, and they’re willing to fund Britandco.com or whatever its name is now as the entrance fee. You know, like how people used to go to stockbrokers’ wives’ antique stores or crappy gourmet groceries as a way of getting an in with the big money people?

      Too bad it not, because most of the real tech people are agog at how poorly Dave Morin handled the whole privacy kerfuffle with Path.com.

  29. Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
    @jwrosenberg – I’m starting to think the same thing! Apparently my roommate wasn’t supposed to pick me up in the left lane @ LAX. Who knew?!

    Apparently ALL THE TRAFFIC should be happy to sit and wait while she ambles over to the car, loads her luggage and gets into the seat! Who knew that blatantly ignoring all those signs would result in a ticket from one of the many, many traffic cops at the pickup area?

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