Who’s The Bigger Asshole?

So indeed, Pancakes and his tiny and cute and intelligent GF have decided to part ways. It was amicable, mutual, and she’s out of his league anyway in terms of smarts and accomplishments; she’s not hurting for dudes with no fondness for donkeys.

But sources also point out that he apparently alerted Julie Albertson of the finality of their decision before they had discussed it in detail. Classy as a donkey! And you know what else? Donkey knew that when she decided to take to Twitter to announce to the world that he’d called her and tweeting that “I told you so” didn’t feel quite as great as she thought it was going to.

Let’s discuss. Who’s the bigger asshole?

1. Pancakes for not only cavorting with a braying money-grubbing fame whore to begin with, but then returning to the pen to tell her something about his personal life without first telling the person he’s involved with? To this chick, the indiscreet douchebag who sent out a fraudulent news release about the “home they shared in Coronado?” Ass. Hole.

or

2. BitchQueen Donkey, for Tweeting what she Tweeted knowing the girlfriend didn’t know what exactly was going on at that point? Can you imagine a bigger nightmare than having Donkey as your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend to begin with, not to mention to notice that she’d publicly gloated about your breakup before you were even fully aware you were breaking up? Ass. Hole.

These two gigantic assholes deserve each other. Tiny and Cute, you apparently have a lot of guardian angels out there who read and tip RBD and they are right — you should count your blessings. You deserve better.  And he’s short and probably has a small ween anyway.

311 COMMENTS

  1. I’m not sure whether too be happy or sad for tiny and cute. I hope she is feeling okay; she seems cool.

    As for Pancakes and Julia, those tools apparently deserve each other. Cunt and dildo compliment each other.

    • mte.

      tiny and cute is too smart for this kind of bullshit. im not a fan of her conservative politics (at least from what it appeared from her facebook profile), but she seems hardworking and ambitious.

  2. Wow, Julia, your name got printed on a piece of 8.5 x 11. You truly ARE a star! Keep those sausage snappers (ring, ring) pointing!

  3. Definitely a tie. Definitely a match made in hell. He’s used to dealing with cunty women, so I’m sure Jabba felt like home. Don’t worry, Tiny & Cute, you’ll find someone much better—and taller!

    • I agree, because he knows that she’s an indiscreet cunt. It’s like handing crack to a crack addict and expecting her not to smoke it. I hate him now.

      • In his defense, he seems fucking dumb. Like really naive and also not intelligent. Which seems to run in their family. So maybe his head is so far up his ass that he didn’t even realize what he was doing. I still say he was just returning her call.

        • Like can’t you see the multiple levels of manipulation that could have gone on here? She probably stalks him constantly, he decided to throw her a bone and call her back for once, she cuntily asked about how his gf was pretending to care but really just wanting dirt, and he could have intimated that something was not right and damn if she’s not going to drag it out of him.

          Maybe I’m wrong. But she’s still the bigger asshole.

          • You could be right. He apparently claims she called him, by the way, but that might be something you’d tell your GF if she asked WTF, right?

          • I could totally see that happening HOWEVER he’s from a fucking celebrity family, he should know how to talk to snoops.

          • He should know who Julia is after the press release announcing the start and end of their relationship – PLEASE!!!! And Julia’s “I told you so” is all about her need to wreck their relationship to prove no relationship could work while he was in Guam – if it can’t work with a Donkey – it will work for no one.

            I fault him on this one. BIG TIME.

          • I bet you’re close. My guess is that he gets calls from Donkey all the time & finally called her back when he needed to whine to someone about his broken love life. (I know a guy like that who’ll tell it to anyone who’ll listen to his sob stories, even people he otherwise has no use for.)

        • People blasted me when I pointed out previously that Pancakes is fucking dumb. He wasn’t accepted into USNA, he had to go through the back door (NAPS) and take remedial math and science. This opportunity is usually only open to varsity athlete recruits or minority recruits who come from weak school systems. Pancakes got a NAPS spot because a) his dad is a Senator and b) his parents could pay for NAPS (it’s free for 90%+ of the students).

          Then he proceeded to make remarks about “killing towel heads” and finish in the BOTTOM 1-2% of his graduating class. Normally, a dumb midget like that ends up in Supply Corps or, at best, with a SWOL billet. But, again, being a Senator’s son, he ended up flying a helicopter. Which is shitty compared to flying a fighter, but far better than Pancakes deserved, given that he’s both unathletic AND dumb.

          That guy is such a fucking loser. Totally deserving of a donkey.

    • Agreed. Gross, gross, gross. If he wanted to confide in someone about lady troubles, it should have been Dear Heart Cindy, his sister, or ANYBODY but Donkey.

  4. I’ve been away for Thanksgiving for almost a week. I come home and RBD is, once again, telling me JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW.

  5. There is so much that is unnattractive about her as exemplified in that picture…where to begin? The fake hair? The gigantic horse veneers? The self-satisfied gloating about something fucking stupid? Her gigantic head/face?

    You are a tremendously ugly jackass.

  6. I’m now convinced that her only motivation in life is to be perceived as THE HOTTEST WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!!

    Speaking of the hottest woman in the universe (obviously me) – awhile back I asked RBD readers for wedding dress advice, took the recommendations, and ordered the most fabulous dress this side of sexyville. Thanks boos!

      • Thanks, Bunny! Now I can go through my wedding inspiration scrapbooks and back issues of “Bride” magazine! So blessed!

        And did I mention he is in the OMGMILITARY? I have so much in common with our special snowflake! BESTIES 4 EVA!

    • I’m now convinced that her only motivation in life is to be perceived as THE HOTTEST WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!!

      And yet, look at that photo above. She is getting THIS CLOSE to reaching homeostasis between her inner ugliness and the remnants of her previous reasonably cuteness. She looks like a nightmarish hag more and more every day—she’s like the anti-Dorian Gray.

  7. It’s so gross that Julia actually took pleasure in finding out that piece of information, like, she probably recorded it and put it on repeat as she fingered herself and gurgled and groaned. That is not something a “nice” person does.

    • How hilarious is it that obviously right after they talked, she Tweeted something military-related? When was the last time we saw one of those Tweets? Oh yeah, of course, when she was pretending she cared because she hoped he’d put a ring on it. My God, Donkey, you are such a transparent, ham-fisted mega-douche.

      • Remember a few days ago, when Donkey said she’d never date someone who wouldn’t love Burning Man?

    • But in her crazy mind – she rewrote history to get everyone to believe that the love they shared could only not work because he was in Guam. So her inner rage beast came out when he proved her a liar by making it work with Tiny and Cute. Now that it doesn’t work – her lie works.

      SHE CRAZY. IT ONLY MAKES SENSE TO HER!!!!

      • Yup, that is totally it. And saying it didn’t make her happy to say I told you so? TOTAL LIE.

    • Well Donkey got a free week rent, food and toilet paper. T&C only escaped with some dignity.

      It hopefully helps her to know that if short-stack told an ex before her, it was a relationship best left behind.

  8. I never got the “Jack seems like a decent guy” love that went around on here when they were “together.” He’s an underachieving, privileged pipsqueak from a family with a dogshit legacy and the son of a coward.

    BUT OH SHE IS THE WORST! What a rotten, nasty, disgusting little trollop. Well, not that little…especially in the thighs. It would be bad enough to do all of this in private, but to tweet about it? With that SMUG sense of self satisfaction…she is rotten to the core. Just a horrible person.

    • Correct. John McCain is a coward who actively rewrote history ever since he returned from Vietnam. He ditched his first wife, married a 2nd time for money, and has been a proponent of useless and harmful legislation and warmongering as a member of the Senate. McCain-Feingold? Useless and probably harmful. All his votes in support of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? Harmful. All his votes to increase military spending? Harmful. His vocal support of the PATRIOT Act? Par for the course.

      A bunch of fucking idiots. All of them.

    • Agreed, I’ve never gotten all the love that Julia’s various ex-boyfriends get around these parts. It’s not as if Donkey kidnapped Pancakes. He was a consenting adult and not a total victim. I think Julia is such a complete shithead that she can make anyone look good. Anyone who associates with her strikes me as suspicious! I have acquaintances who I don’t like or respect very much, but I don’t pose for photos with them for their vanity blog business or let them sleep on my couch.

      During the 2008 election, I used to get major anxiety that John McCain was going to win and start a million new wars, because he is a moronic, petty warmonger! I’m still traumatized by Palin! To me, Julia seems like frivolous entertainment compared to that train wreck of a family that tries to be a symbol of patriotism and prosperity.

    • Donkey makes everyone seem better than they are. See Jordacted, Mary (sorry CDB), Rachel Sklar, [Redacted] (sorry Redacted’s Mom).
      All insufferable, all benefited by standing in the vicinity of the Donkey.

  9. Pancakes – you suck. I mean, SERIOUSLY!!!! Seriously. There are no words. There are no words… ugh.

  10. So……will we get our wedding now?

    [img]http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrqp43xvmb1ql5yr7o1_r1_400.gif[/img]

    • Is it just me? This child always reminds me of Mrs. Mingott from the De Palma version of The Age of Innocence. With all the little dogs, and frippery around her person? Please tell me someone else sees the same thing.

      • Scorsese, not De Palma. And the actor was Miriam Margolyes. And yes, she does look like Miriam Margolyes might have as a little girl! Great catch!

  11. Honestly, I’m glad for tiny ‘n’ cute because I could never enjoy sex with someone who had fucked A Donkey. Also, Pancakes is not so intellectual, and isn’t tiny ‘n’ cute a smartypants as well? Finally, imagine having Cindy Lou Hoo(vervilles for Everyone!) as your mother in law and WALNUTS! as your father in law, barf forever.

    As for JABberass’s doucherie, it’s just business as usual, yes? Still guessing that Pancakes called her because he didn’t want to be mentioned on the show, and she bullied him into telling her about the breakup with T ‘n’ C.

  12. THIS BITCH IS A FUCKING LOON!!! I JUST CAN’T!

    She gets me rage-y. Pancakes is a pussy. The End.

      • But you didn’t cite TigerNet as a reference for his Betaness. How can I trust anything you don’t find on TigerNet, AFF?

  13. I realize this isn’t totally fair, but when people are SO AWFUL and seem so far gone like our dear friend Donk, I start to blame the people around them (like Pancakes) for encouraging them in any way. My logic is that Julia-types aren’t going to learn any life lessons on their own or from the general public because they have no conscience, so anyone with the opportunity to try and set them straight who doesn’t even try is a sort of sad, angry adult who should be ashamed of themselves.

      • I can give them a pass for being charmed or intrigued by her initially. I was as have others. But then again I’m obese & covered in cat hair so I was obviously butter & jelly at her presence the first time I met her. Especially when being drink is involved. However, it was quite obvious after a couple of run-ins that bitch be nuts. So those who go the extra mile – what. is. wrong. with them? And those who jump willingly down the sarlacc of her vajayjay deserve to find a new definition of pain and suffering as they are slowly digested over a thousand years.
        [img]http://www.sffchronicles.co.uk/forum/attachments/14400d1184789111-the-best-monster-sarlacc.jpg[/img]

      • Yes. I can even cut people a bit of slack if they’ve been sucked into her friendship orbit and confronting her would be a whole heap of drama, but Pancakes *had his out*. They’d broken up, he’d gone through all of the crazy belt and press release and helo shit, HE WAS FREE. If he’s enough of a moron to open any line of communication after that, he deserves every last email hack he gets.

    • Did any US catladies watch the Arrested Development marathon on IFC on Thanksgiving? Caught it at my grandma’s house and I was so happy. It’s hard to venture out of the basement, but looking at Jason Bateman makes it a lot easier.

      • I don’t cook and I was responsible for entertaining future catmom-in-law so yes, yes a million times yes we were glued in front of the AD marathon.

        And Jason Bateman = hubba hubba,

  14. She’s only mildly satisfied because while this makes her “GUAM WAS THE REASONZ!111!11!1” fuckery work, it isn’t quite enough for her. What she wanted to hear was an appeal to get back together, but she must have considered to some degree that he could easily pick up with another girl or choose to take the bachelor route and bang everything moving, especially if he didn’t even remotely hint at the possibility. Plus, mercury is in retrograde! Sad. 🙁 HER “door” with him may actually be a series of doors that have all been cemented shut due to her psychotic and insecure behavior. I’m sure she’ll try again anyway.

    All that said, they’re perfect for each other… assholes! I doubt he’d sign a release for the show all the same, but this kind of behavior on his part does give pause. Re: his willingness to date her, she was definitely on her best behavior and a total conformist when it came to him, just as she was with TK – except in his case she had to try extra hard to be nonchalantly condescending to the”hipster” crowd she could never figure out how to properly emulate. I’d assume she behaved much better than she had with any of her other exes, being expired, desperate for a ring, and the fact that he was “the catch” (and the biggest one of her life, if she’d been successful) this time around. Her communications with him were probably scant compared to those of any of the others, and we know she’s been positively, relentlessly batshit in that regard in the past. Maybe her M.O. this time around was showing her having so! much! fun! with other guys! (wearing his belt!) and the occasional call/text/email/wall post/FB tag. Still batshit, just slightly less blatantly stalker-y.

  15. It seems like a lot of people are ripping Jack up for merely mentioning his impending breakup with Donkey. I’m not sure that is fair. (Also not sure why I’m standing up for him)

    Long distance relationships can be hard. This fact isn’t new. Pancakes sounds like a lonely guy. He obviously isn’t getting as much ‘tang as he could be getting as a pilot because he fucked a Donkey and even invited it into his house, therefore I assume he is shy. The island of Guam is extremely small, and the base is probably incestuous as hell. Anything he talks about on the island will get around. As a former military man myself, I know that unless the story involves the word “pussy”, no one wants to hear about your girlfriends or your yearning. It’s a very macho environment.

    Consider this scenario: Pancakes, sad that he can’t be a true boyfriend to Tiny’N’Cute because of the distance, and doesn’t want to cheat on her, decides to break it off. He looks at his phone. Who to call and talk about this with? Mom? ugh. Buddies on base? Forget it. Dad? Dad’s busy. He deleted Julia’s number but she calls him weekly so he has it in his caller id. She is the only other person he had discussed Long Distance Guam Relationships with. Might as well call that bitch up and tell her to stop calling. She is more than willing to let him spill his guts about it. She smugly tells him that she knew it wouldn’t work. Not with her or anyone else. Feeling like he made the right decision, he calls his soon to be ex-girlfriend.

    I can empathize with the guy. However, I’d never cut it off, I’d just tell them I’d understand if they saw other people. Let’s not kid ourselves, etc.

    • It seems like a lot of people are ripping Jack up for merely mentioning his impending breakup with Donkey. I’m not sure that is fair.

      Discussing it with someone who you know will be Tweeting and Facebooking the fuck out of it based on her earlier behavior of ISSUING A PRESS RELEASE about your breakup with her?

      I’m sorry, that is stone cold disrespectful to Tiny ‘N’ Cute.

      • I don’t think Pancakes is aware of any of the press releases, nor the extent of Donkey’s tweeting and other bullshit. It’s been said he isn’t very computer-savvy and didn’t bother reading anything about her before, during, or after the relationship. If he is stupid and bellicose and knew of this site, wouldn’t you think he would come here to say “Listen up you cat-loving faggots..”?

        Plus, as we all do with sociopaths, we say “Listen, can you keep this between us?” and of course Donkey says “yes of course. tell me” and even if we have our doubts we spill because we just have to get it off our chests. This is why we hate sociopaths and their selfishness.

        Finally, why do we assume Pancakes would set out to hurt his current girlfriend’s feelings? You guys act like he had some secret master plan this whole time to fuck over his girlfriend by talking to Donkey. He’s either Simple Jack or Dr. Evil, but not both.

        I’m not saying Pancakes isn’t a douche. I don’t know him. I can’t fault him for his father. I don’t judge people unless there is sufficient douche evidence, and dating a psycho is par for the course in any man’s life. Hell, even Donkey came by way of his sister. I would trust my sister’s judgement. I don’t think his behavior here is stab-worthy after close examination.

        • well, his family is at least PR literate (if not exactly savvy) and his sister is sure all over the interwebz. So I can’t really give a pass for ignorance. He’s not a joe schmuck (as IF) Julia Allison plucked from Oshkosh.

          Esp if it’s boring over there; nothing to do but surf online.

    • I do hear that this is quite bang-on, though, actually. Pancakes? Is that you?

      “Long distance relationships can be hard. This fact isn’t new. Pancakes sounds like a lonely guy. He obviously isn’t getting as much ‘tang as he could be getting as a pilot because he fucked a Donkey and even invited it into his house, therefore I assume he is shy. The island of Guam is extremely small, and the base is probably incestuous as hell. Anything he talks about on the island will get around. As a former military man myself, I know that unless the story involves the word “pussy”, no one wants to hear about your girlfriends or your yearning. It’s a very macho environment.

      Consider this scenario: Pancakes, sad that he can’t be a true boyfriend to Tiny’N’Cute because of the distance, and doesn’t want to cheat on her, decides to break it off.”

      • Also, she seems pretty passionate about her field. I heard she’s applying to doctorate-level classes and I hope she gets in. But she needs to grow out of the cutesy “tee-hee, i’m in the lab wearing pjs” bullshit.

        Oh, and stop watching fox news.

      • what i’m saying is: maybe he asked her to move in with him in Guam, or something, or asked her to visit him for like a month or so and she was all “no fucking way, I have a life!” and pancakes couldn’t stand it. Purely speculating/hoping.

        Can I just say that he looks like a weasel?

    • There is no excuse for him calling Julia. None. He has a sister and probably at least one female friend. Calling Julia with this is like telling your boss you have a serious problem getting to work on time during a performance evaluation.

    • You really ARE a kinder and gentler KrakenSkulls!

      Good luck with your recovery, by the way. As random as this sentiment may be, this semi-lurker is proud of you.

      • Thank you! I’ll have one month on the 31st and I am going strong. If anyone wants to talk about recovery or anything else, I’m nearly always in chat. Just click the “Angry Hater Chatroom” link up top.

  16. OT- Yesterday, Lilly was rescued by the Canine Super Friends. She is back with her family and on her way to an undisclosed, pink free, home.

    [img]http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/monday-dar-341.jpg[/img]

  17. JuliaAllison Julia Allison
    Well this explains … approximately everything. “Why being wrong makes us angry” j.mp/r3Fq (via @bra—cker)
    12 hours ago <

    This after she was humblebragging that her "being right” wasn’t satisfying.
    Cryptic, but.. I wonder who is angry after “being wrong” in this scenario? Could it be that Pancakes is now mad at Julia for something, and this is her bitchy passy-aggressy retort?

  18. I haven’t read the comments in this thread, so forgive me if that has been mentioned, but here’s my take on things (coming from someone who has been in the exact same situation as Pancakes):

    1. Pancakes realizes he is going to be dumped by tiny and cute
    2. Pancakes is a twenty something who still thinks with his dick more than with his head.
    3. He knows that Julia’s clam dungeon is just a phone call away
    4. He can’t be bothered with finding another girl given that he is in Guam, therefore chooses toxic sex with Julia over trying to find a normal chick
    5. Pancakes decides to call Julia, knowing he is going to have non stop sex for one week in Guam, because he knows Donkey will hop on a plane to Guam because he knows she is desperate for a husband.
    6. He taps that ass for a week
    7. He tells Julia to go away
    8. Julia comes back, and again becomes depressed and makes a big stink for six months
    9. Pancakes moves on.

    I can bet my bonus that this is the scenario being played right now. And if this does not make sense, I apologize as I am drunk and can’t articulate my thoughts in writing after having 5 caipirinhas in Sao Paulo.

    • I think when a guy needs his ego fed, he will often call an ex and that’s exactly what a Donkey is doing for him. He’s still an asshole.

    • The way I see it, Pancakes is willing to trade one or two weeks of sex (even mediocre sex or bad sex with Donkey is better than no sex) for the impending drama after he tells her to fuck off. After all, he will be 5000 miles away for the foreseeable future…

      • Which, what an idiot. She read your texts and emails when you were asleep, you dum-dum. But given his age and his being stuck in the military in Guam, I can maybe see why he’d want to hit it and quit it. Julia, however, most certainly assumes he’s still in love with her. Here’s a tip, Donkey: no one is in love with you.

    • I can’t imagine “Miss Advised” doing location shooting in Guam, so I bet he’s SOL if he’s looking for rebound pity sex. Because TV fame is more important (and also she can tell herself she’ll find someone better once she’s a STAAAAAAR).

      Poor Pancakes, he picked the one time A Donkey was actually too busy to leave the continent for a booty call.

  19. I’m still having trouble squaring this with the supposedly unhinged behavior Donk exhibited while she was in “the home they shared.” Did she *really* break into his phone and email and send emails on his behalf and whine and kick and scream the entire time he tried to get her to leave? Because it just seems so fucking impossible to me that anyone, for any reason, would invite that kind of crazy back into his life.

    • As I mentioned above, he seems to be the kind of guy that thinks with his other head, and therefore is unable to measure the consequences of winding up the donkey drama.

          • Maybe 2 or 3 years ago, but now I agree with you–wouldn’t want to find out. However, sexual tastes are subjective and just because some tipster said that she’s like a dead fish in bed, I wouldn’t take that as a definitive statement. I could see it being crazy because, well, she’s crazy.

          • Can’t say I disagree with you. It was 4 years ago that I wanted to venture into the clam dungeon but was strongly discouraged from it by people who knew her.
            But I hope he knows he is playing with fire. With this girl there is no such thing as free sex.

          • There is no way she’s good at sex. No f’ing way. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself, she’s way too self-conscious, and I don’t think she could stop imagining what her hair and ass and perfectly symmetrical breasts looked like. Ew. No.

          • JFA, you know I’m a fan of that luscious, luscious pear-shaped ass… but I have to disagree with you here. I’ve been with a couple crazy girls that had (albeit milder) some of the same personality ticks as JA, including selfishness. Maybe it’s because they wanted validation/approval… but they were fantastic in the sack. Of course, out side of bed the relationships were a mess and proved to be a learning experience.

          • True enough but most men probably wouldn’t notice.

            Also — all those public licking photos. And that huge maw. Maybe she’s lousy at intercourse, but I suspect she blows like a hooker and practically swallows the dong and entire scrotum whole. You know that’s what those photos are about. “YOOOHOOOO! Look at me, boys! See this [INSERT FOODSTUFF HERE]? I’ll lick your shaft and then deep-throat you exactly like this!! Especially if have money!!!”

    • I never heard that there was any truth to the theory that developed in our comments that Jimmy and Cindy had to escort her to the airport. I can’t recall the details, but I just think they all happened to be heading to the airport at the same time or some such thing. She definitely hung there for a week after they decided to break up, and he had to tell her “It’s time to go now!” but that’s all I know.

      As for the snooping? Yes, it happened. Don’t take it just from me, but from the stupid column she wrote justifying such bullshit behavior for TMS. Sure sign it’s true, even though I have had further confirmation.

  20. Couldn’t have happened at a better time… right before Christmas. You know she’ll be singing along to Mariah’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”. She totally thinks this is fate and her “good karma”.

    • For the sake of this “reality show”, I hope to God this means a trip to Guam… I can’t imagine the shitstorm that will follow. And, as others have said, fantastic timing, with the holibrays approaching.

  21. Latest Allure had an article set up with the writing watching the RHOBH Kyle, Lisa and Camille prep for a party being thrown for Andy C. Some lulzy gems:

    – Bravo only provides professional styling for the reunion shows and the sit-down confessional interviews (which might explain why the cast tend to look like caricatures). While they wing it on on most shooting days, both [Richards] and Vanderpump bring in their own experts when taping the interviews.

    – But really, who can fault someone for seeking a little professional help when she’s typically spending two to four days a week being filmed for the entertainment of millions — and in HD? “High definition is no friend to women,” says Grammer. “Everything changes. You have to wear more makeup so you don’t look washed out, but you have to find that balance so that it looks natural. I definitely have to wear more makeup on the show than I do when I’m not filming, and I’m still not used to it.'”

    – Grammer: “I usually like a real natural look, but I’ve had to amp it up for the show.” And when looking good is a job requirement, it seeps into real life too. Richards: “I definitely feel a responsibility to have my hair and makeup done most of the time.”

    – Richards, for one, hates being filmed from the left. “I noticed it’s a very angry side,” she says… having a second season has provided the luxury of do-overs.”

    • OOoo good point. In the military practically the only time off you get is during Christmas so it’s possible, although that would be one long ass flight. Maybe he called to see if she would be around? If so that would be pretty gross and unforgivable.

      • Yeah, I assume most service members on Guam won’t be leaving, but his family certainly has the pull to fly him home if he had leave. He would fly to Hawaii then to Cali, I believe.
        My parents met on Guam while my dad was in the Navy, working as a photojournalist, so I hear all sorts of stories…
        Anyway, I wouldn’t be shocked if he comes home, but I doubt it since he’s only been there since October, right?
        God, I love this reality show.

        • I know. I never would have imagined there would be a Guam-related subplot, back in the days when I first started following this ineffable shitshow. But lo.

  22. Random theory (unlike Donks, I AM RANDOM!):

    Before she used the long-distance excuse, Julia was all gung-ho about visiting Pancakes for a month at a time in Guam. Then she got the call that her reality show was finally going to start filming. He wanted no part of that, she got pissed, they fought about it night and day. He runs from the cray-cray and into the arms of an old flame.

    He gets dumped and is stranded in Guam without a girlfriend. He gives Julia’s Verdant Vag Delivery Service a call. (She was always up for that shit in NYC, being such a night owl and all. Remember how often she would make deliveries to Booty Call!)

    • uhhhh, no. pancakes can get a much better lady than donks. as much as he sucks, but he still initially recognized the crazy old woman that he was “sharing a home with” he’s just turned back now because he’s fucking retarded and she calls him all the time.

  23. Hey all,
    Sorry if it’s already posted in the comments (I looked but did not see), but how did the Donk out the failing relationship. I just took a look at her hideous blog but I did not see it there either. What means of publication did she use to spread the good news?

    Her constaint refain of “I am so nice” combined with her actions that prove otherwise is tiring. She reminds me of someone I know who loves to do “nice” things for people, over-the-top kinds of parties and other obstensible “acts of caring”, and then spends the hold prep time and party time, etc. complaining about the person, the families, everything about them.

  24. Morning, sunshines! A donkey is manic and so much tweet parsing awaits.
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    Julia Allison
    Sleeping with my window open tonight, I can hear the waves crashing. THE WAVES IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN. Please God don’t make me leave here!
    37 minutes ago
    »
    Julia Allison
    Yep, email me! (thanks Les!) julia@nonsociety.com RT @jetsetleslie: @DavidPessah: Anyone know any “Relationship” Social Media Consultants?
    42 minutes ago
    »
    Julia Allison
    Best part of being a writer: doing your job while wearing no makeup, in your underwear, sitting in bed. Worst part: actually, uh… writing.
    2 hours ago
    »
    Julia Allison
    Up late, sleepy, trying to finish an article, due tomorrow. Ughhh. So incoherent I’m not even convinced I’m writing in English right now.
    3 hours ago
    »
    Julia Allison
    Life just throws you these hysterical curveballs, over and over. You think someone is out of your life & then … all of a sudden, he’s not.
    4 hours ago
    »
    Julia Allison
    JuliaAllison Julia Allison
    My roommate @JuliaPriceMusic is curled up sleeping on the couch, my @Lillydog is curled up sleeping in her crate. And I am … working.
    12 hours ago
    »
    Julia Allison
    JuliaAllison Julia Allison
    @TaylorGreason stop distracting me from work with hysterical internetz linkz, turd.
    12 hours ago
    »
    Julia Allison
    My future boyfriend … for the holidays: sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/m4w/270302…
    12 hours ago
    »
    Julia Allison
    HEY YOGA GIRL! This baby’s going viral (thanks @TaylorGreason!): youtube.com/watch?feature=…!
    13 hours ago
    »
    Shira Lazar
    RT @WhatsTrending: Excited about show tomorrow 10 AM PST bit.ly/wtchill – @JuliaAllison @jacobsoboroff @EpicMealTime @theycallmebk!
    16 hours ago
    Retweeted by @JuliaAllison
    »
    Julia Allison
    @JennaBenn30 – @Brit & her site is helloBrit.com!!!!
    17 hours ago
    »
    Julia Allison
    “I’m going to plus one the SHIT out of that party!” um …
    28 Nov

    • My favorite kicker from the CL listing she posted as her “future boyfriend for the holidays”:

      Not About You (aka Dealbreakers or, Don’t Bother if You Exhibit the Following):
      Heavy drug use – does Xanax count?
      laziness – checkity check check
      prudishness – checkity check CHECK check
      still in love with old boy or girlfriend from years past (or if you secretly are, at least have the damn decency to not blab on about it – DISQUALIFIED

    • well…. who can blame her for thinking she’s hot shit… She OBO’d Jack and Taylor and they both still call/tweet (maybe over 50+ times a day!) her.

    • Life just throws you these hysterical curveballs, over and over. You think someone is out of your life & then … all of a sudden, he’s not.

      Gross gross gross gross donkey. She is such a tacky cunt.

      • She is wanting to make it seem like it’s Pancakes, but I don’t think it’s Pancakes. Or anyone, for that matter. She’s just continuing on her cunt parade.

      • Also, her tone implies that she was just waiting around for him to wise up and inevitably return (because in her tiny warped brain all men, including exes, want her) instead of being an adult and proactively moving on with her life, wishing him well, cutting her losses, apologizing for wrongdoing, etc and LETTING IT GO.

        Mind you, this comes mere weeks after her run-in with her ‘soul mate’ [REDACTED].

        She is a nasty piece of work.

  25. On phone, can’t in-line reply to Jacy, but if she is trying to imply it is Jack it is more idiotic revealing of her web of lies. Implying someone who was ‘out of your’ life is back means you have to haven’t had them in your life…. so yeah, despite what she has been trying to depict with desperate fb posts, tagging his belt in photos, claiming they talk like all day every day… noo, Donkey, you’ve been ignored, and him caving and returning one phone call doesn’t change that.

    Loser.

    • Apparently that is all it was — he returned a phone call, or obeyed a command to call her. Trying to get more info.

      • Oof I should have read through the comments before posting mine below, but this is what I’m thinking as well. If their whole breakup went exactly how it was told to us, there’s no way he’d be calling her to get back into her life. Ughhhh.

      • But she said they would “remain in each other’s lives, as people.” ARE YOU TELLING ME SHE’S LYING? NOOOO!!

      • That would make her question ever more ludicrous. “Is mercury the reason my ex called from Guam”?

        No you chuckleturd. He was returning your call. I know that is probably a new thing for you to experience, but normal people often do it.

  26. My first theory was that he butt-dialed her by accident.

    Now I think that she probably got him pregnant and he wants to keep her in the little foal’s life.

  27. Does anyone else feel like there’s something off about this story? If Pancakes was as repulsed by Donx and desperate to dump her ass, as sources have revealed in great detail, why would he go running back to her once his relationship with T&C ended? He’s in Guam, it’s not like she’s a viable rebound booty call. It feels like either this story is off about something, or the whole breakup debacle was negatively embellished.

    • I know you corrected above, and I agree with above sentiments that he probably isn’t trying to get back with her. She strikes me as the type to be all “Hey, I know we haven’t spoken in awhile, but I have something really important to ask you/talk to you about and I can’t exactly put it in writing because of a contract/confidentiality agreement I have/it’s a private matter and extremely important. Can you call me ASAP? It’ll be REALLY quick.” Then, when you actually call thinking it’ll be a “respond to inquiry and hang up” sort of deal, they derail it into “so, how have you been? What’s new with you?” small talk, attempt to turn it into casual conversation instead of getting to the so-called urgent point they’d been talking about via txt or voicemail message.

      I’ve had people do this and I could definitely see her doing it, especially if she caught wind of any kind of breakup or even slight tension in the pancakes/tiny&cute relationship. She would act as if she was totally over it and moved on, just calling to ask about something, then turn it around into attempting reconciliation. It’s pathetic and tips in the past have shown she’s done the same with a few other “exes” (term used extremely loosely) as well. That’s how she speaks to ALL of them ALL *snap* the *snap* time.

  28. Even IF it is Pancakes, one phone call means someone is “back in your life?”

    Recently an ex who had dumped me sent me a random facebook message after being out of my life for a long time. Did I consult my astrologer, proclaim that he was back in my life and change the address on my magazine subscriptions? No, I deleted his message and moved on, because I HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT!

  29. Mini tweet parse, strictly for the lulz. Annnnnd go!

    1. Reference to the big G-O-D… she says, ‘sup

    2. jetsetleslie (of course she’d respond to a twitter acct with that handle) told her to go to bed, as it was 5am. davidpessah = thrillist and some privilegedlife online tshirt store or something; this is not at all transparent! What is a “relationship social media consultant”, praytell? Is this a plant for the show?

    3. Writer. rotflmaopimp… and in her underwear! How sexy sexy! Whatever happened to pjs or a slanket? This is NOT a pointed tweet for the menzes AT ALL, and without makeup on she’s just so down to earth!

    4. Finishing an article that’s due tomorrow, this is something new and completely unlike “crank out total crap at the last minute” Julia Allison. Don’t forget the “sleepiness” as a preemptive point of blame/reason for when it inevitably ends up being terrible. It’s not her fault, she was incoherent and she warned you about it!

    5. a) hysterical – I think Psych Today might agree that repetitive usage of certain words can give a peek into the mental state of an individual. There’s exhibit A. b) it can’t be “they’re not” to end that statement, it has to be HE. So sad, so fat.

    6. Why is her “roommate” on the couch? (Yes, nitpicking.) Lillydog is at least at peace for a few hours, bless her, and donk is “working”. She keeps using that word. I do not think it means what she thinks it means.

    7. Flirting with Greasy on twitter about his hysterical (see pt. 5) “internetz linkz” (can she stop with her attempts at hip/current, it canklehausens horribly) and tweeting constantly while “working” is a great way of proving she is heavily ensconced in her very important “work”.

    8. Spoke on future BF already; she’s disqualified and doesn’t see the hilarity (or the sad, because even though we’re missing it this year due to the show, she ALWAYS tries to have someone by the holidays) in her tweeting about it.

    9. See 7.

    10. Shira is willing to deal with the donk again now that Bravo is a possibility. This online show should be fun, and if Donk is in the same room as the EMT guys, even funnier.

    11. BRIT BRIT BRIT. DAVE DAVE DAVE. So. proud.

    12. I kant.

    • Shira Lazar’s new venture after getting canned by CBS, apparently. Did the EMT guys and Bridget Kelly bail on this? They were mentioned in JA’s RT and aren’t in Shira’s… looked into the other two and it seems like it’ll be boring, though I was really only interested in watching a donkey posturing following her insomnia and manic episode.

    • Harley Morenstein of Epic Meal Time will be in the What’s Trending studio to talk about big food, big deals and, of course, bacon.

      Super smiley YouTuber, Shay Carl and internet enthusiast Julia Allison will be in studio to talk about what they’re up to and all of the days top trends.

      We will also have the stunning Bridget Kelly in the house for a special, live performance of her new single.

      • “Internet enthusiast.” So that’s her claim to fame, huh? Her parents must be so proud. Along with a select few billions around the world, the daughter whose expensive education they funded is a 30-year-old “Internet enthusiast.”

      • Thanks SJS! 😀 The EMT guys are funny, I’ve seen them step their game up from basic webcam shooting to high production value, sponsorships, merchandise and tours/collabos with deadmau5. I’d be interested in what he had to say. Julie, not so much, see: “what they’re up to and all of the days top trends”. That should be faaascinating from her perspective, really.

      • The difference between Haley Morenstein, Shay Carl and Julia Allison is that the former two are getting six figure paydays off of their YouTube success while Julia is making nothing off of nothing.

      • Julia Allison will be in studio to talk about what they’re up to and all of the days top trends.

        Glad to see JA is finally bringing that A-Grade content…

  30. Cat friend just walked over and put a pancake in front of me, unexpectedly. I am trying to explain what’s so funny and he is so confused and thinks Julia is my Internet friend.

      • ohmygod. it’s like playing live donkey bingo!

        -braying over other, more qualified guests, check
        -“here’s the thing” – check
        -bloated face, check
        -pelt petting, check
        -beating stupid topic into ground (changing your relationship status on fb), check
        -getting subtly slammed by host, check
        -pathetically declaring single status and throwing pity party, checkity check check

        and i only watched a minute before the canklehausen was too much to endure…

        • She is overtalking Shira and Shira won’t even fucking look at her or throw her any questions at all. CLUE IN DONKEY. SHUT UP. AND p.s. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT ON ANY TOPIC.

      • Also, stop touching your hair/face with those hands! And what did you do to your fingernails?!

      • Did the she lend the other host her boots? Her deep bray is off-putting and I swear the minute she heard how many followers/subscribers Shay has she started acting like she wanted to be BFF. Relationship advice: “Please don’t break up with me! Coordinate FB breakup status. Please don’t “like” when someone has a breakup, I’ve had… I’VE SEEN people do this.” I LOLed. Nice on Shay for trying to get her a date… and notice anyone discussing the show thus far has nothing to say about JA whatsoever. Also, the blinking. Also also, you know what’s “so 2004”? Everything donkey does.

      • Good for Miley for having an opinion on Occupy instead of, you know, trying to profit from the movement. Lord knows she doesn’t have one… except what she parrots from “preppy leftists” on twitter.

      • I was just about to say: Donkey pets the pelts & sits up straight & thrusts her tits northward then slouches again & pets the pelts again then squinches her arches of doom at whomever is talking then interrupts to say something stupid about Miley Cyrus.

    • Look to the right where the twitter stream feed shows up. For every 100 hundred mentions of Shay you see maybe 1 Julia. HA!

      • The ONLY mentions of her were when they were pointing out everyone who would be on the show. #nobodycares #sosad

  31. Looks like she hasn’t found a stylist yet. Same old outfit again. The pelt petting was so annoying too.

    • Her face is beginning to resemble an apple doll’s. It getting wider and more bloated; no angles at all. I cannot figure it out.

    • holy canoli – she’s so not sympathetic … “Someone please marry me. Trust me, no one wants to marry me. No one.” “I was sobbing into my computer (re. the break-up)”. “Please don’t break up with me.”

        • Yes. The guy next to her is OMG married. She said no one wants to marry her. etc. etc. It wasn’t even sympathetically self-deprecating. It was just sad.

          • JEEZUS…what was the context? Shira asked the guy if he was married and he said “yes” and Donks jumps in with NO ONE WANTS TO MARRY ME!?

            Isn’t she supposed to be a gd relationship expert?

          • Yes that is exactly how it went down. And then Shira was awkwardly said something like “oooh that’s not true” b/c what are you supposed to say? Even though we all know it’s true.

          • Fuck I missed that. Honestly, that is what she SAID? Jesus, lady, keep your issues to yourself. It’s not your private therapy session. And the fact that you do that shit is WHY NO ONE WANTS TO MARRY YOU!

          • Well, Shira’s right—there are probably lots of guys who need green cards. Or beards. Or green card beards.

        • the sobbing into the computer was re. coordinating her fecesbook break-up status with her ex… (so that no one would “like” it)

          make this shit up, I do not!

    • Dude… they featured video of her in her bathrobe doing the Tresemme ‘commercial.’ How much does Shira clearly detest Julia? That is delightfully passive aggressive.

      • dudette, saw that too – was that supposed to be a post coital “relationship” expert shot (b/c it was during that convo “Julia, you write about relationships, right?”)

  32. I’m surprised she didn’t post this shot, which I think is a bit more flattering:

    [img]http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z200/venuscloacina/th_Donktroll.jpg[/img]

  33. @juliaallison, 4:59pm: “My roommate @JuliaPriceMusic is curled up sleeping on the couch, my @Lillydog is curled up sleeping in her crate. And I am … working.”

    Can I just point out that Julia thinks she’s just about the most amazing person ever because she once worked until ALMOST 5PM?!?!

    • i fucking hate her attitude towards work. first, she thinks she’s a writer, but if she is a writer i am confucius reincarnated. second, she complains about work=writing every chance she gets. actual writers like writing you dingbat!
      third, she’s so obsessed with appearances that the only positive she can think of in being a writer (which, again, she is not) is that you can look like ass while doing it. newsflash donkey, normal people (even writers!) aren’t slovenly barnyard animals who need two pounds of makeup applied with a trowel and flammable headgear to look presentable. she’s so CONSUMED with appearances: teehee, i’m a writerly lady, look at me WRITING in my WRITER COSTUME!

      Best part of being a writer: doing your job while wearing no makeup, in your underwear, sitting in bed. Worst part: actually, uh… writing.

      • a lot of writers find it difficult to write well… but they find ways to work around it. they view it as a challenge. julia’s writing=hard work sounds nothing like, for example, annie dillard’s musings in “The Writing Life” (great book, one of my faves)

      • Her calling herself a “writer” causes nuclear level RAGES. Just shut up asshole. Writers don’t get fired for writing fluff pieces in three newspapers around the world! Writers write more than a few cotton candy articles no one reads.

        In closing, fuck you.

        • “In closing, fuck you.”

          I’m giong to try this one sometime, now that I’m at a small firm and go to court a lot.

          • if you do, please make sure to get it on film

            and if you have the chance to say, break out in song & dance Bollywood style, I’ve found that Lilly Allen’s “Fuck you” works very well. Mumble it just a bit and it almost sounds sweet.

          • I have actually quoted “My Cousin Vinny” in a closing argument once. Also used a British accent once. #winning

      • Also re: her worst part – why put that out there for your boss to see? Oh, right, because there is no boss – just Julia playing it up for the camera.

      • I’d wager she’s written maybe 50 articles in her entire career, including her time at the Hoya. And that’s probably generous. Some of this is plagiarized, some of it is rehashed material, some of it is press release filler, some of it is made-up Q&A. Still, let’s say she’s written 50 articles in her life. She is 30. Say she started when she was 20, in college.

        That’s an average of 5 articles per year and it’s very likely that none contains more than ~500 words.

        By contrast, there are 10 posts, roughly 1500 original words (excluding Julia’s tweets and commenter comments) on the front page of this website, all posted in the past 12 days. And this is just a hobby blog.

        I don’t advocate violence, but sometimes I just want to smack her when she talks about having to work and how it’s so goddamn hard. (Except that my hand would very likely bounce off her bloated face and back at my own head. And then I’ll have given myself a black eye.) It’s so goddamn hard because Donkey is stupid and lazy. But even stupid people can contribute to society.

    • It was about 9:30 East Coast time when I saw that tweet. I was working. ‘Curled up’ on my couch under a blanket of cheeto dust, natch, but working nonetheless. And I felt no need to broadcast that fact to my twitter feed.

      Except I’m broadcasting it now to you guys, so nevermind.

    • And what exactly is she working on? Technically her job right now is to be a trainwreck on camera a few times a week. What exactly does she think she is supposed to be doing? I imagine Bravo tossing her busywork like “Oh right. You are supposed to be an advice columnist. Here. Take these crayons, glitter, and construction paper and write us up some columns to use on the show. ” And then Donk puts on her work wear: Juicy sweatpants that are juicy in all the wrong ways, an XXL college sweatshirt that used to belong to an ex (stolen after the breakup) and some goofy ass knit socks in five colors. She sits down on the floor with her tongue sticking out of her mouth, her snout twitching side to side trying to suck oxygen through her one good industrial-sized nostril, and a Burnt Sienna crayon clutched in a clenched fist, scratching out “pretty scentenses” about girls with names begins with K that have wedding planning issues.

      Yeah, work.

          • Tribe! Part of why I read RBD is for the always perfect pop culture references that take me back…

            And the ones that get repeated because they just gotta be – the Melrose Place Kimberly-with- shotgun photo gets me every time…

          • I know! Kraken’s transformation into an erudite wit makes me feel like I should quit drinking, too. Oh, just kidding.

  34. OT SUGGESTION:
    Can the RBD Glossary be re-christened Donkipedia?

    I may or may not have dreamt this last night after trying to explain RBD to someone.

  35. So let me get this straight…this person’s “job” is updating her Facebook status?

    Literally? Am I joking right now? No!

    • I’ve wondered the same thing, and I’m not joking either. Everyone says Julia is a blogger. WHERE THE FUCK IS HER BLOG? Seriously dude. Are you talking about Non-Societey? A fucking tumblr microfart that she posts pictures of dresses on and occasional diary pages about her personal relationships no one can relate to? Or do you mean her twitter stream? A bunch of celebrity dick slurping, OMG Deep Thoughts, Psychology Today and NYT links, and out-of-context Tweets That Should Have Been Texts.

      Seriously bro where is this mysterious blog that she is so famous for? Where are her writing samples? WHAT THE FUCK DUDE. Call me old fashioned but in my day a blog entry consisted of more than three paragraphs.

      • Three WHOLE paragraphs? I think you might be giving her too much credit. She would LITERALLY be up until 5am every night if she had to write that much.

    • If I’m not mistaken, her new title is “internet enthusiast”, at least for today’s appearance. Internet enthusiast. How does that not conjure up someone who leads a sad existence?

      • Oh my, how quickly she has fallen from an “internationally syndicated columnist”. I like to think there was a stern older librarian in charge of fact-checking each participant on that show and gave her a list of subtly demeaning, yet superficially suitable titles to choose from after examining her extensive body of “work”.

        Kitsch Collector
        Twitter Devotee
        Partially Disabled Diarist
        Kate Middleton Clone
        Tumblr Hack
        Archivist of Pink
        Dog-owning Iconoclast
        Proud Old Maid
        Wedding Fan
        Smorgasbord
        Apple of her Parent’s Eye
        Cupcake Connoisseur
        Internet Enthusiast

      • It’s because Shira knows her resume is bullshit and either her “blog” or her twitter account lists her as an “Internet Enthusiast” – her own words.

  36. Shira Lazar – what is up? She says to Julia Allison, “So you’re a columnist, you write about relationships…” Okay – two of those things ARE NOT TRUE. What bullshit. I would think after Shira was called out for reporting Steve Jobs death when he was very much alive and getting fired from CBS for it – would make her want SOME KIND OF CREDIBILITY????? Or if Shira can get exposure on a Bravo show, perhaps she doesn’t care????

    These people are to laugh.

      • Nobody watches it. I have no idea who pays for it; CBSNews.com pulled out of their involvement in the flap over Lazar’s premature announcement that Steve Jobs was dead. My guess is that nobody gets paid except maybe the camera person and whoever is responsible for the website.

  37. Out of practice, but here goes … fingers crossed.

    [img]http://makeagif.com/media/11-29-2011/1PX0va.gif[/img]

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