Julie Albertson, moron, has recently expressed dismay that she cannot land a husband. She reallly realllly realllllllly wants to get married and have kids, bunnies; it is time!! And she really cannot understand why it’s not happening for her.
My response to that: Donkey, buy a fucking clue.
I am not suggesting for a moment that women have to be chefs in the kitchen, maids in the living room and whores in the bedroom, as Jerry Hall once said, but generally it’s helpful to have competence in some area of life in order to attract a member of the opposite sex. Being insane, stalking exes and Googling yourself don’t really count as assets that would enhance a lifelong partnership.
In the past several days, Donk has publicly revealed herself to be incapable of unpacking furniture and boxes for a two-bedroom apartment, to go grocery shopping, to do minimal cleaning, or to figure out how to arrange her furniture or hang “art,” also known as various portraits of herself. She cannot cook. She can’t hold down a job. She won’t stick to a workout regimen. She claims to have a disease that she knows nothing about. She takes to Twitter to ask questions she should already know the answers to. The most routine and mundane of life’s chores — moving and unpacking — have proven so overwhelming to her that she had to hire outside help. She misses her Mommy because clearly she wants her there to do the heavy lifting, and by the way, men find it so attractive when adult women cry for their Mommys for no reason at all.
In the unlikely event any man would ponder getting serious with such a developmentally stunted bonehead, how the fuck would she ever raise children? She is clearly never going to be the primary breadwinner in any home, so how does she plan to manage a household and take care of children when she cannot take care of herself and a dog or a two-bedroom stinking apartment?
And why does she think it’s adorable to advertise what a helpless, clueless tool she is?
Donkey, check yourself. Most of the men of your generation were very likely raised by working mothers who took care of them, managed the household and brought home a paycheck. They will be repulsed by your princess tendencies, not charmed by them. If you can’t figure out why you can’t hold onto an adult relationship, try becoming an adult first. Learn to stand on your own two feet. Take a cooking glass. Set up your own stinking apartment and if you don’t like it, start over again. Unpack your own shit and clean up your own messes, and that includes all the messes you make in your personal life. Grow the fuck up and maybe by the time you’re 40, if you’re lucky, you’ll snag a husband. Yes, it will take that long, because you are at least 15 years behind people your own age. Now shut up and sit down.