Guess What I Just Registered For. . .

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‘Sup, fatties? I LITERALLY just completed my registration for SXSW interactive, which means that a certain psychotic donkey who is supposedly participating in a panel there may finally cross paths with a certain unrepentant wetback beaner faggot. Most likely not, because I will have better things to do than attend a session on how to be a cheap ass grifter with a trust fund and a Twitter account, but who knows?

I only post this because I will also be joining friends on Saturday, November 19 for Warrior Dash in Austin. If I don’t die in the mud because all the running I have been doing lately is of the errands variety instead of the exercise variety, I was wondering if there is any interest in an Austin meet up that evening. Thoughts?

How many of you Texans are out there? And where would we get drunk at? Would I actually like any of you, or will I looking you up and down and read you bitches?

132 COMMENTS

  1. Although JP, you know she’s not going to have anything better to do than to try and hunt you down with her army of Pancake Lawyers? Do be careful her cray lately has been off the charts and god knows what adding cameras into the mix is going to do to her already deteriorating sanity.

  2. YES. Y’all will have to take one for the team and drink on my behalf though, since I am with kitten. Lustre Pearl is great since it has the big backyard, unless y’all want to get away from downtown.

    • It’s absolutely gorgeous weather in Austin today! I hope it’s this nice on the 19th.

  3. Would love to meet all you lovely cat-ladies and -gents…by far the wittiest peeps on the net! Worth a drive from Houston to see y’all in the flesh and fur 🙂

  4. TCU has a home game or I would be all over that shit. And by “that shit” I mean JP. And by “all over” I mean Choire would be all kinds of jealous.

      • Bravo should hire Jacy, JP, and FC as consultants. One probably can’t really make fuck you money in reality TV unless one is a producer-type, though, right?

  5. Taking a work/laugh-break. Does she plan on going rogue? Being a per diem “counselor” “love-guru”. I do not approve. I doubt this show will make it to air.

    Greetings loved ones … let’s take a journey!
    So, I’m spending the weekend in New York, then heading to LA and moving into my new place (after 14 months of desultory travel) on Tuesday. FINALLY!
    I’m working on a new project and I’m looking for young men or women in LA who need dating, love or career advice. 😉
    Email me! Julia@NonSociety.com

    West Coast Represent

    xo

    ja

        • It reminds me of a Daria episode where Quinn fantasizes about her life as a model, including charity work.

          Quinn – And then I thought, if I sign up with a charity now, before I’m famous, later on I can say, “Oh! I was helping others long before I started modeling.”

          Helen – We agreed that you would take that one class and that was it.

          Quinn – I was thinking maybe some group that wants to help animals, but cute animals.

          Helen – Quinn, we made a commitment to each other. Now it’s time to honor that commitment. No more modeling classes.

          Quinn – Muh-om! I’m not talking about taking classes! I’m talking about winning the modeling contract.

          Helen – Sweetheart, please don’t take this the wrong way, but what if you don’t win?

          Quinn – Don’t win?

          Daria – Then I guess the animals are on their own. Even the cute ones.

      • Or maybe it does, but I think of it as more casual, unplanned — whereas with Donkey, we know that there is ALWAYS an agenda.

        • It definitely implies a certain relaxed and unplanned activity, or luxury. And you’re quite right , there’s nothing “desultory” about her manic ping-ponging all over the continent, there’s always an agenda. That comes to nothing.

    • Why would anyone take advice from her on any of those topics?

      Dating: failure.
      Love: non-existent for years.
      Career: has none.

      • Didn’t she just confess on Facebook that SHE PASSED OVER 7 LOVES OF HER LIVES??????

        Who does that?

        Who would take advice from that?

    • Wait, she’s *looking* for people who need advice? Does she even have a column set up yet?

        • But we can help get her started.

          Dear Julia Allison,
          I recently started dating a guy and I started reading his texts and his emails while he’s asleep. There’s nothing alarming in them but I can’t stop! Is this wrong?
          Signed,
          Mental

          Dear Julia Allison,
          I can’t get over an ex. I’ve tried emailing him to request that we calmly talk things over but he’s not responding. I need closure and I’m thinking about reaching out to his very sweet current girlfriend (actually, they’re engaged). Help!
          Signed,
          Delusional

          Dear Julia Allison,
          I envy that you live a life of flitting about the country with seemingly unlimited funds. Tell me, who are your career role models and what did they teach you?
          Signed,
          Dumdum

          • Dear Julia Allison,

            I recently approached a VC under the pretense of needing funding for my tech business, but in reality I was just hoping it would turn out to be a friendly, fun date. But now he’s offering me seed capital. What do I do?

            Signed,
            Bidness Ladee

          • Dear Julia Allison,

            No one thinks I understand anything about myself because why would you. But I’m beginning to believe I have unusual reactions to the beginnings, the middles, and the ends of relationships. Other people don’t seem to feel much, compared to me. I get REALLY passionate, then indifferent, then passionate again. I worry this will effect my ability to marry, and really soon. Help?

            Deeper Than Most

          • Dear Julia Allison,

            I am a woman of a certain age. Oh, alright, I have passed the half century mark, if you must know. The trouble is, I can’t seem to stop blogging. I put up posts and shoot my own photos and I suspect in my heart it’s unseemly for me to continue at my age, but I just can’t seem to help myself. The “visitors” ticker just keeps going up and up and up and it fuels my desire to express myself like all the youngs, only with better grammar and more wisdom. Should I keep going and follow my dream, or would it be better to stick to throwing dinner parties and knitting tiny earmuffs for the grandkittens?

            Signed,
            Perplexed, Bothered and Bewildered

          • Many “olds” have interesting experiences to share, and they should share them. I tend to think we should respect and learn from our elders, there’s a lot of experience and wisdom to be had.

            If people like what you do, keep blogging. 🙂

        • Dear Julia Allison,
          My expiry date is fast approaching and the seven chances I had for happiness in high school and college are in the distant past. Can you recommend an orthodontist, plastic surgeon, dietitian, hairdresser, physical trainer, manicurist, and stylist who can help me? Preferably male, single, straight!
          PS: Like you, I have flown to San Francisco / Chicago / New York / LA, so I definitely consider myself to be a millennial nomad! Like you, I am also a tech founder (I have a blog), professional writer (I have a blog), artist (I once drew a heart in the sand and posted it on my blog), and most recently, web personality/social media pioneer (I videoed myself with my iphone and posted a link on my blog). We’re practically twin sisters! (But I’m a few years younger.)
          Please help! (Do I have to sign a release so you can use this letter on your new show?)
          xo
          ic

          • I’ll do a post if a bunch of you fuckers write letters like this and leave them in the comments. So funny.

    • But according to NBC and Kathi Lee she is already a relationship columnist… I don’t understand????????

    • Like how one shouldn’t trust skinny chefs… how do you go about giving advice if you don’t have anyone love you, are in love, or have worked anything beyond entry level bullshit?

    • “First, quit your job. Jobs, like college, are for losers. Don’t worry, your daddy will pay your expenses for the decade or two it takes before you are famous and make fuck you money.”

  6. Lolz. Sideways tumblr is trolling for advise victims in LA. Time to order Chinese and settle in for a sh!t show…

    • There are so many epic screen grabs from this and she is still trying to make “gang signs” happen.

      WHO DOES THAT????

    • HOW CAN THIS BE REAL

      She and A Donkey should go to a support group for women who need sartorial and tonsorial help.

    • i’m sorry… that soundtrack?! ears bleeding if you watch the whole clip… the viewing public should sue for damages. to her credit, jessie draper seems leaps and bounds of content/humor/ridiculousness above donkey… but let’s be honest, that’s more of a left-handed compliment than anything else. this show seems like what donk aspires to be, except, whoopsie, rich dad employed in the wrong sector! heeheehahaw bunny!

  7. I like in slight pleasure in knowing she dropped $1300 for JetBlue’s pass and barely used it. What a retard.

  8. Oh God, she just picked up a groomsmaid dress for Dan’s wedding. I would be quaking in my boots if I were the bride-to-be. Even if Bravo doesn’t film the wedding, you KNOW they’ll film the lead up with her talking about going and how Dan was her “high school beau” and showing her getting ready.

    • Groomsmaid. Seriously… Anywho, speeches are annoying. I think the best man speech is enough… perhaps a maid of honor speech but a random bloated chick with a mullet wearing whatever groomsmaid attire is kind of is just wrong. You know she’ll be in some tux trying to attempt a tux pull. Picture it.

    • Oh, thank GOD she’s not wearing any kind of demented “tuxedo” outfit. I was really worrying about that nonsense.

      • I was positive she was going to try to pull this off:

        [img]http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z200/venuscloacina/showgirltux.jpg?t=1320886457[/img]

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