Poor Ding Dong Donkey Is Desperately Ill, Has Been Told To Eat Meat By Some Quack

And she is boo-hooing about it on her Twitter stream. Me? I’d consider it a banner day and immediately race to the nearest steakhouse and order a giant T-bone with a big motherfucking baked potato. And then I’d gnaw on the bone in a manner that would make my daddy JP proud. Oh yes I would. Chow down on that turkey, Donkey! EAT IT!

Remember how I’ve been struggling with skin/acne and digestive issues for the past few months (well, really, my entire life)?

I knew it wasn’t topical – not a skin cream I was using or not using, not having the proper face wash or anything like that.  From what I knew about how our bodies process toxins, I could tell it was an issue with my hormones, or an allergic reaction, or  … something internal. SOMETHING was not right with my health.

So I went to Dr. Pastore on the recommendation of my friend Julia Price.  She had been struggling with severe dairy allergies for years, and no doctor had diagnosed it properly.

Dr. Pastore had me undergo a battery of tests: blood, urine, saliva, as well as integrating the analysis from my gastro-intestinal specialist, who had done the intestinal biopsy to determine my celiac in the summer of 2010.

I knew something was wrong …  what I didn’t know was MANY things were wrong.

Today, I’m sharing with you the write-up from Dr. Pastore that I just received a few hours ago, in the hopes that it may spur you to find out what’s going on with your own bodies.  I have a lot of work to do to get myself healthy again, and I’m scared and frustrated, and more than a little sad (many foods I LOVE I cannot eat anymore).

I had just gotten used to never eating gluten (I’ve been completely compliant for almost two months now).  Now I have to get used to this.  🙁

I need all the help I can get.

————————————-

Julia Allison Results

  1. Severe class 5 delayed reaction to egg, milk and wheat. 
  2. Fatty acid analysis reveals elevated DHA levels and high EPA levels. While this sounds like it should be great, it is not when it comes to preventing acne. High levels of DHA and EPA in the blood are linked to an increase in acne. 
  3. Fatty acid analysis also reveals high levels of linoleic acid (an omega 6 fatty acid) but it is not converting to the usable form GLA (gamma linolenic acid). This is typically caused by a zinc insufficiency, which is essential for the skin. The lab is recommending 30mg of zinc supplementation. This will be included in an Acne multi I’m recommending.
  4. Organic acid analysis reveals low vitamin B6. Such an insufficiency is linked to acne by increasing activity of the sebaceous glands. I am recommending 50mg of the biological form called P5P (pyridoxal-5-phosphate). 
  5. Organic acid analysis reveals borderline high 8-hydroxy-2-deoxyguanosine. You are one tenth of a point away from being flagged by the lab. This is a sign for an increased requirement for antioxidants such as vitamin C and vitamin E. 
  6. Organic acid analysis reveals borderline high homovanillate, a marker of dopamine turnover. Dopamine is a critical neurotransmitter required for mood, thought, memory and behavior. You are 1 point away from being flagged by the lab. Further a marker that measures stress neurotransmitters is quite elevated (5 tenths of a point away from being flagged by the lab) indicating that you are having a hard time converting a long lasting stress neurotransmitter (norepinephrine) into a short lasting stress neurotransmitter (epinephrine). This can cause an exaggerated stress response which may lead to acne. We need protein to manufacture these neurotransmitters normally. Please see your diet notes for more information. 
  7. Organic acid analysis reveals borderline high sulfate. Sulfate is a marker of total hepatic phase II detoxification. Sulfate is an indicator of your liver’s efficiency in removing many drugs, steroid hormones, and toxic compounds. High sulfate indicates that this pathway is very active. Low sulfate indicates the fuel to run this pathway has been used up and the liver’s ability to remove toxic compounds is suppressed. Cysteine, taurine, and salts of sulfate are used to replenish sulfur pathways and restore and maintain the liver’s supply of sulfate. I highly recommend  the acne multiple known as Akne-zyme by Enzymatic therapy (taken as directed in the action plan below) because it contains natural sulfur (along with other nutrients you are low in and that help with acne). 
  8. Organic acid analysis reveals elevated D-arabinitol. D-Arabinitol is one of the most well researched markers for yeast overgrowth in the intestine. Many symptoms can result from yeast overgrowth, such as fatigue, sensitivity to carbohydrates or sugar, and “foggy-headedness.” Yeast overgrowth is absolutely linked to acne as well. A very low sugar diet is warranted along with targeted supplementation to normalize yeast levels (Kolorex Professional and Probiotics).
  9. Interestingly you had a good adrenal response with normal cortisol secretion throughout the day. The hormone DHEA which can cause acne is completely normal at 2.2 (range 2.2 to 4.6). 
  10. Estrogen metabolites panel reveals a very low 2/16 hydroxy estrogen ratio. You are negative estrogen dominant. Your 2-OHE1 to 2-OMeE1 ratio is elevated. This is signifies poor catecholestrogen methylation.

Action Plan
1. Strictly avoid all egg, dairy and wheat products. Attached to this email will be information on each of these foods (gluten for wheat due to your celiac history) and a diet plan to move forward. Regarding the diet plan, I highly advice consuming animal protein sources other than fish due to the elevated DHA you have. Too much DHA equals acne. If we only obtain protein from fish you will only keep this DHA level elevated. Further, going vegan will only result in very poor health and poor skin health. I know this is tough, but it is my clinical opinion that your diet needs a major change. The following documents are attached. Egg Allergy, Dairy Allergy, Gluten List and Julia Allison Nutrition Plan. Please study these documents. Needless to say, all sugar (agave, table, honey, molasses, everything with sugar, dried fruit, soda, fruit juice, carrot juice, etc. must be avoided as it feeds yeast.
2. Targeted supplementation – we need to solve these deficiencies quickly as many of them are effecting your skin. Do NOT take fish oil at this time. Vital Nutrients Borage Oil – 1 softgel once dailyEnzymatic therapy Akne-zyme – 2 capsules daily. Pure Encapsulations P-5-P (pyridoxyl-5-phosphate) – 50mg once daily. Kolorex – 1 softgel twice dailyDr. Ohhira’s Probiotic 12 Plus by Essential formulas – 2 softgels daily.Enzymatic Therapy Estrobalance – 1 tablet daily.
All supplements should be taken with food EXCEPT for the probiotics. The best time is either first thing in the morning or before bed. The one I am recommending is hypoallergenic and does not require any refrigeration. 
Collectively, the supplements above solve the nutritional deficiencies and imbalances described in the summary of your test results. 

UPDATE FROM JP: Since Julia will never do it, I felt that it is my responsibility to point out that Julia Allison sought medical advice, not from a licensed physician, but from a alternative medicine quack: Robert L. Pastore, PhD, CNC, CN.  His PhD “degree” is from the American Holistic College of Nutrition, which is not accredited. Here is his bio from one of his former employers:

Dr. Pastore is a graduate of American Health Science University and the National Institute of Nutritional Education in Colorado, where he received his CN (Certified Nutritionist) appellation.

He received his Bachelor of Science in Nutrition, Master of Science in Nutrition, and Doctor of Philosophy in Nutrition from the American Holistic College of Nutrition in Alabama, graduating with High Honors. His dissertation: “Polysystemic Candidiasis with Resultant Dysbiosis – A Nutritional Approach”, was approved excellent.

His CNC (Certified Nutritional Consultant) was received after successfully completing the American Association of Nutritional Consultants CNC program.

He is a member of the Society of Certified Nutritionists, the American Association of Nutritional Consultants, the Coalition for Natural Health, and the Center for Science in the Public Interest.

He constructed college courses in nutritional science for the Clayton College of Natural Health, writes technical articles on nutritional science, designs supplement formulas, performs lectures and participates in radio broadcasts.

Dr. Pastore believes in biochemical individuality, and does not support the “one diet fits all” philosophy. He is a practicing Certified Nutritionist and holistic health advisor at the Hoffman Center in New York. He is also Senior Nutritionist for Metabolism.com, a major health care Internet site.

From the ineffably ineffable Records Custodian:

This “doctor” has a degree from a diploma mill, scam university that was sued out of existence. AND? Changed its name, just like Julia Allison Baugher! It was formed as the American Holistic College of Nutrition, but has been called the Clayton College of Natural Health (until it was sued out of business last year)

Am not kidding:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clayton_College_of_Natural_Health

375 COMMENTS

    • Sweet life.

      As someone who was diagnosed with a digestive disorder (gastroparesis) during freshman year of college, I feel

      • stupid enter button.

        I feel as though I have some authority on the issue. If this is true, then I feel for Julia, I really do. I was diagnosed with my issues after gaining the freshman 15 and trying to begin a pattern of healthy eating – salads, yogurt, oatmeal, etc., before learning that my body has a MAJORLY hard time processing all of the good stuff. I spent nearly two months out of school with daily trips to the hospital in order to get the final verdict.

        That being said, I don’t know anything about these fancy Los Angeles doctors, but I’ve never seen a report written in this manner, nor would I have expected her to have been diagnosed with all of these disorders after only one or two brayed about doctor visits. Had she had these issues her whole life, as she’s claiming, her parents certainly would have had her checked out far earlier. There’s also no way she was diagnosed this easily without keeping a food journal of every morsel she ate, and/or without being required to take a week off from eggs to monitor the change and then the same for milk.

        tl;dr – From my personal fucked up health history with stomach issues, I don’t buy for a second that we’re getting the whore story. Something is off.

        • Ha oops, got excited and posted before reading the end of your post. So I’m agreeing with you that something’s off.

          • Haha, no worries. I love that I said something was off and within mere moments the catpeeps down the page had ascertained that he’s not a read doctor AND that his “PhD” is not even from an accredited school. RBD for the win yet again.

  1. yeah, this doctor doesn’t know the difference between ‘affect’ and ‘effect’. sounds totally competent. sounds like he was mostly interested in selling julia a bunch of supplements. or were those comped, perhaps? disclosure, donkey!

    • The number of supplements he’s trying to sell her seems pretty suspicious to me. I’d get a second opinion if I were her. She eats eggs all the time. She wouldn’t have noticed any ill effects?

    • I would definitely get a second opinion. As someone who also has skin problems, I know that many things can cause it, including (but certainly not limited to) stress, hormones. That said, I will say that if you can help something with diet rather than prescription medicine, then good for you. Give it a try, Donkey. Also, maybe include some therapy and yoga to calm you the fuck down.

      Why did she write out the findings verbatim? All that lab & chemical jargon? To obliterate any doubts that she’s telling the truth? That’s a motherfucking mindless TL:DR if I ever saw one.

      • What if I told you that the only thing wrong with your skin was negative energy? What would you think of that?

        Now what if I told you that negative energy could be “washed” away with a ancient secret cream? Interested?

        Now, what if I told you that the flatface Institute was the exclusive licensee for that cream?

        Now, imagine if I told you that you could share this secret for just three payments of $49.99?

    • Maybe he dictates his soap notes to Dragon or something similar that doesn’t distinguish between sound-alike words? Medical people all the time sign off on chart notes w/out proof-reading what someone / something else transcribed.

      But anyway, the guy can’t manipulate the lab results. She could ask a physician to review ’em & make recommendations, & anyone is going to tell her to eat foods rich in what she’s deficient in & that OTC supplements may also help curb the deficiencies, & then she can go buy those supplements anywhere, independent of what he may be selling.

      I dunno. I think for once she may be on the short-track to addressing some of what she’s been doing wrong to herself in regards to BPC, processed foods, canned chili & mainlining cupcake frosting.

      For a specific issue, I’d rather deal w/ the guy who knows a lot about the thing I have questions on rather than the general practice doc who possibly touched on it in the process of learning a little bit about a lot of things.

      • I’d trust a doctor who had an actual degree from an accredited institution before I trusted “Dr.” Robert Pastore with anything, but that’s just me—my kimono obviously isn’t open enough!

        • Gotcha. Hey, we’ve got to quit meeting like this!

          My first reaction tends to be: “Wait a minute, let’s think this through …” but in light of the subsequent debunking below (& Donkey’s deletion of supportive comment on her blobby hog), this guy is about as ‘expert’ at his current gig as Donkey ever is at any of her gigs.

    • It’s really weird. Especially the being a vegan would make you have poor health. what? who says that? Yes, you have to be more careful if you ‘re a vegan to ensure you get the proper nutrients, but I’ve seen huge improvements in my skin in cutting out animal proteins and dairy.

      And also, while I get cutting out sugar, fuck cutting out ALL things with sugar. when you can’t even have freaking carrot juice?!

      This is so bizarre. It’s written in a vaguely defensive tone. My guess is that princess pretty pelts wanted to change her diet and wanted to make it seem like she HAD TO instead of just wanting to eat meat again.

      • I vaguely remember reading something in the anti-candida diet houhah about which veggies & fruits to avoid re: metabolizing of natural sugar content … pretty sure though that it was about a short-term way of eating until candida or yeast or whatever neutralizes, & then it (natural sugar, not six chocolate bars in the WF’s aisle) can be re-introduced gradually & in moderation.

        Donkey makes too much out of this – she just needs to eat three-to-five square bales a day, excluding processed shit – & she needs to exercise so that she sweats out some crap & then, rather than Tresemme the crap in deeper, she needs to power-wash the crap off.

  2. oh WAH. I had ridiculous digestive problems years ago (literally could not keep anything down) and I had to cut out:

    Wheat
    Flour
    Corn
    Sugar
    Dairy
    Anything acidic (because I have brutal acid reflux)
    Alcohol

    I basically ate chicken and rice for a good 5 months, and lost a shit ton of weight. I can now eat pretty much anything, although I’m lactose intolerant, which is easy- I just drink soy now. Cutting eggs, wheat (which she apparently doesn’t eat already!) and dairy is no big deal.

    • In a similar boat, I had to cut anything that wasn’t mutilated by processing. I lived off applesauce, white bread, and plain pasta for years before my esophagus healed and I could relearn how to eat. I only feel bad for her (if this is 100% on the up and up, which it’s probs not) because eggs and milk are in so many things. At least with mine it was like the more processed the better.

      • Oh my god, this is happening to me. I was first diagnosed with GERD and later with esophageal erosion, and I feel like I’m never, ever going to get better. Mine had reached the point of a chronic, misdiagnosed cough of (now) almost two years. But there are ways to get better?

        • I have gastroparesis and GERD, so my food is extremely slow to digest and the acid would go up into my esophagus, eroding it to the point that I once ended up in the emergency room in intense pain. If this sounds like you, then perhaps I can help.

          Solutions to the esophageal issues (which, if left untreated can mutate the cells and cause cancer): no more hard alcohol – no matter what, no aspirin, no vomiting if at all possible, and no acidic foods like marinara sauce.

          There are lists out there on the internets of what you should eat and what you should avoid with GERD and gastroparesis, but some things might trigger you while others don’t. You really need to work it out by trial and error.

          For example: I have a lot of trouble breaking down ice cream (but not frozen yogurt or gelato), low fat yogurt (full fat is fine), milk (soy is good and milk products like cheese are okay), and too much roughage (like lettuce). This means that I can have a salad for lunch, but shouldn’t have another for dinner. I also take Nexium for the GERD and Jenzeen (imported from Canada) for the gastro.

          Safety foods for most people: applesauce, white bread, saltines, rice cakes, pudding, and anything else that’s processed and soothing.

          Hope that was helpful! Feel free to comment back if you need more advice.

          • Oh, hugs to you, OFM. You are a hero of the revolution the servicey catpeople.

            I am seeing a GI guy to rule out gastroparesis, and I have to do a gastric emptying study next month—is it horrible?

          • You describe what I had going on back when I was a kid — turned out to be a hiatal hernia. I really thought at times that I was having a heart attack, the burn was so bad from food just sitting in my mid-section, teasing the digestive juices. Upper endoscopy was hella fun.

          • You are the BEST Fat Melman. I’ve been following the GERD diet and have started taking Nexium, and in a month I’m going in for more tests. Seriously, thanks for the advice.

          • Melman, your breakdown of what you can and can’t eat sounds exactly like me! Glad to know I’m not the only one. While I don’t have quite the intense issues you have, I’m also on Nexium for severe acid reflux. Nothing really to add, just happy to hear that I’m not the only weird one with these issues going on 🙂

          • Albie, the gastric emptying is no big thing. They basically feed you eggs/pudding laced with a special dye that they can see in the MRI as it moves through your digestive system. You lie there for about two hours and they watch how quickly it absorbs. I had mine done in 2003 and the CD I chose to listen to on repeat was the debut album by Lifehouse. Embarrassing times haha.

            Brayella, I’ve actually wondered if I have that, but have never had it checked out and no one ever said anything to me when I was in and out of the doctors’ offices and hospitals getting looked at. Doesn’t seem as bad now that I have the food pretty much under control.

            Handbag, if you get nausea from the GERD etc., you should ask to be put on industrial grade meds like Tigan or Compazine. It’s the good shit that they give people going through chemo and definitely helps.

            Pancakes, it’s always so good to hear when other people have the same issue! I have a bunch of weird medical problems (gastro, GERD, ADD, hypothyroidism, chronic sinusitis) that can mostly be linked back to poor prenatal care (child of a 16 year old mother, adopted as a baby). My friends never understand when I explain that I feel some sort of sickly about 80% of the time. Unfortunately these are issues that you can’t simply “suck up” or “not fake” like Julia might be able to. Love the sense of community on this here cat blog!!

          • @OFM: I barely did what I was told ~ didn’t quit my job (heavy lifting) ~ didn’t give up spicy food (cuz all food was getting stuck, so I didn’t see the need to deprive myself) ~ didn’t quit smoking (chg’d from menthol to reg) ~ I *did* give up cokes (but have since resumed).

            I don’t know how it’s surgically resolved nowadays, but back then, it was a radically invasive procedure, so I was fortunate that it coincidentally resolved when the major stress-factor during that time was eliminated & I’ve luckily avoided having it flare up since.

            Ask your doc about ruling it out. Seems like the things they never explore are the things that don’t involve long-term medicine maintenance.

  3. So no actual doctor can find anything wrong with her so she has resorted to quacks pushing their own supplements.

  4. Gross, too much information. Nobody wants to know about your skin/acne and digestive issues! But I guess publishing openly about face breakouts and poop explosions is what Kate Middleton would do.

  5. The guy isn’t a medical doctor.
    Repeat: this guy Robert Pastore is a phd (if I were julia I’d double check that. Oh, wait, she could just have Albie Quirky check it!) who makes and sells supplements.

    And guess what? He thinks she’s wicked fucked up.
    Solution? Supplements!

    • God, she’s such a dummie. It’s like everyone who surrounds her is a total charlatan. It’s a club I’d never now about if it weren’t for her. Danke JABs.

      • There’s a sucker born every minute, and she’s one of the biggest I’ve ever seen. From Buttprint Cleanse to her horoscope and psychics and now this bullshit, this chick is certifiable. She’s also a total hypochondriac. She WANTED something to be wrong with her, maybe in part to excuse how BAD she looks, and it always backfires on her when it means she actually has to deal with the problem. Which is probably not really a problem anyway and she pursued the opinions of snake-oil salesmen if only to explain to her “fans” why she looks like a bloated old greasy disaster. What a weird, messed-up life she lives.

        Get some sleep, eat real food, go offline, shut the fuck up.

        • I was going to say the same thing: regular hours and a good schedule go a LONG way to improving skin and overall health. Without changing that, what good is it to do all this extreme diet stuff?

        • This. She is a classic hypochondriac and also very bored. Who has the time to go get dozens of tests done with some quack doctor? I was thrilled when I got insurance because I am finally able to go see a doctor for a check up but guess what? I’m just too busy working 50 hrs a week and scheduling time for that kind of stuff is actually hard for people who have real jobs. This reminds me of my sister in law who does nothing all day but surf WebMD and diagnose herself with random diseases.

    • Hey, someone else also checked it! AND INDEED HE IS NO DOCTOR AT ALL.

      Also I thought we made up. I was wrong that you didn’t have cites for it being a thing in Indonesia, and you were wrong that Meghan should have known it, because it’s not a thing in India.

    • What if I told you that the only reason Pastore looks like a quack is because of “perception”? Does it make sense?

      Now, what if I told you that ancient cultures discovered a way to change that perception, so that you could see the Truth? Would you want to hear more?

      Ok, now, what if I told you that dr. flatface had that secret change agent? And that he had it available in ounce, half-ounce, quarter-ounce and “dime-bag” quantities? Interested?

      Now what if I told you to meet me at the east corner of Washington Square Park with cash? And that I would totally know if you were a cop?

      Interested?

    • She should really clarify on her blog that this is not medical advice. Perpetuating this shit is DANGEROUS.

      • This. I’m so tired of antivaxxers and all this alternative medicine bs. “Alternative medicine” = if it worked, they’d call it medicine.

      • True story: a certain member of my family grew tired of establishment medicine and started to go to some sort of hooha doctor who told her to take a particular vitamin regimen. She did so for a year or so, then recently found that she couldn’t move her fingers or toes, and then started having trouble walking. Anyhow, after relenting and going to a medical doctor affiliated with a large hospital system, she was diagnosed with Vitamin B6 poisoning. There can be negative effects even of things that seem beneficial. I just say.

    • She’s not in LA one month and she’s already resorted to seeing a quack “holistic health practitioner”. What does she have against doctors?

      • again, correct me if my authenticity glasses are fogged, but didn’t she see this doctor person in new york? or am i getting her bicoastal ways confused. so hard to keep up with her badass-two-hour-before-flight-ticket-purchases (see recent twatter stream for reference).

        • what with the butt blast cleansing, i prefer to think of her as ‘ass bad’. i thought she was in NY, but given her pearipathetic ways, who the hell knows?

      • They probably tell her there is nothing wrong with her and to get herself on a decent schedule and to STFU.

        • Yes, exactly this. A real doctor would tell her she’s perfectly fine and just needs to exercise and sleep more. Of course that is unacceptable to Julia because she MUST BE A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE, GODDAMMIT!

          • Calm down, she’s been burning the candle at both ends!! Try to understand, you simpleton!

  6. Seriously, this bitch has Munchausens. Well, not seriously, because I hate those who armchair-diagnose, but there is something wrong with her (obviously).

    WHO in this whole wide world wants to read someone else’s long-winded medical diagnosis? WHO gives a shit about what Julia Allison is allergic to? If Angelina Jolie blogged her diagnosis I wouldn’t care about it.

    Julia is JUST like some acquaintances I have. Every single sore throat is a medical emergency. Facebook posts abound about being “sick” to get sympathy. Nonstop braying about going to doctor’s appointments. Minor medical issues turn into huge fucking dramas. These bitches drive me nuts, and Julia is one of them. “OMG I am a percentage point away from being flagged on the lab for my low alphahydroxycatlady levels! WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS END?!?!?”

    I’ve been having some medical issues lately and have to go to the doctor almost every week. I fucking hate going to the doctor and getting tests. I hate it! People like Julia love it because it means more attention and drama brought into their lives. “At the doctor again, trying to figure out how to fix my high yeast levels! I can’t eat agave nectar anymore, how will I survive!?” Her doctors posts are another weird way for her to humblebrag for attention.

    As our esteemed professor said above, I’d love to know who this doctor is. He’s probs some quack who exploits people’s reservations about Western medicine by selling a shit ton of expensive and unnecessary supplements.

    • Does she really think anybody gives a damn about her fucking digestive track?

      • I think in her mind this is one more excuse for her massive fail. She can’t help being bloated and pimply – it’s the eggscalactopescaceliacscorliosis. She can’t help that she is bitchy and lazy – the yolks made her that way! She would have been a success if it wasn’t for her multiple allergies to life! Daddy, mommy, you can’t blame her, she is desperately ill, otherwise she would have fuck you money by now.

  7. “I knew it wasn’t topical – not a skin cream I was using or not using, not having the proper face wash or anything like that.”

    Transbraytion:

    The spackle and injectables are NOT causing any skin irritation, and if you disagree, you’re a bully! It must be biology, not all the internal and external chemicals I apply to my skin!

  8. Who the fuck has time or the inclination to read through the donkey diagnosis provided by OMG! Julia Price’s faux physician? The two 14-year-old girls who still frequent her blog or the occasional cat lady who walks in for the purposes of reposting on RBD? Get a fucking clue, you raging narcissist, and take your cue from Jacy: go out and get yourself a juciy slab of steak. I’d suggest the filet mignon. At Houstons.

  9. The guy sounds like a fucking quack. He is one of those clowns that thinks that everything can be fixed with vitamin supplements and minerals. Plus, all that mumbo jumbo just makes the patient go “oh my god!! what is wrong with me!! I am dying!!.

    And, Julia it’s only a fucking steak that you are eating. He is not asking you to perform fellatio on a guy twice a day.

  10. I guarantee this grifter “doctor” would find 50 things wrong with the healthiest person on the planet.

  11. A friend of mine goes to a “doctor” like this – we call her “the witch doctor”. Every two weeks he emerges with a new list of things that he can and cannot eat. It is widely accepted among all of us that what he really needs is mental health therapy to deal with deep-seated issues in his past that he has never resolved. Quacks like this are a magnet for people who aren’t ready/able to confront anything difficult about themselves.

    • I have a friend like that too and she keeps wanting me to go see this miracle doctor (who is not a medical doctor, yet calls herself one). Her last visit included a detoxifying foot bath, not unlike those Kenoki foot pads you see on late-night TV. Um, no.

      • Awesome. My friend’s “doctor” taps on his spine so she can find and root out the pain brought on by repressed memories. We tell him that maybe if he wasn’t almost 40 years old and hadn’t told his mom and dad that he’s gay yet, his stomach wouldn’t hurt.

        • If I didn’t know you live in NYC, I would think we had a mutual friend. The worst part? His parents ALREADY KNOW HE’S GAY. They are so repressed they just act like nothing is going on while he pays charlatans to tell him the problem must be his pH balance or not cleaning the lint trap on his chakras often enough.

          • Clarification: he’s letting anxiety kill him because he refuses to come out to his parents, who know he’s gay, but will refuse to acknowledge it until forced.

  12. She would have better skin if she just ate right, slept and exercised. Why is that so fucking hard?

  13. TWO FUCKING THINGS:

    FUCKING ONE: oh really, your body is lacking in 2374628 vitamins and nutrients? probably because you EAT SHIT NONSTOP. high fat levels causing acne?? maybe it’s the 4 chocolate bars you scarf in whole foods, JUST A THOUGHT. you don’t fucking need vitamin supplements, you need to eat some fucking kale and fruit on a regular basis LIKE A FUNCTIONING ADULT.

    FUCKING TWO: HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL THIS BITCH THAT CELIAC IS NOT A FUCKING ALLERGY. you are not “allergic” to wheat. if you have celiac like you claim to, you have an autoimmune DISEASE. (and p.s. donkey, being lactose intolerant is not an allergy either, so don’t fucking start throwing THAT term around to describe yourself)
    this “doctor” was obviously only testing you for allergies – if you’re convinced that you have celiac, enlighten me as to why the FUCK he was testing you for a wheat allergy? isn’t the way you get tested for food allergies in adults (someone correct me if i’m wrong here) that you basically eat whatever the allergen is and then they monitor you? if you know you have a disease where you CAN NOT CONSUME gluten, why the FUCK would you knowingly consume it for the sake of finding out something you supposedly already fucking know?!? FUCK.

    excuse the profanity and rage, i know i rarely comment, but 2 kids with celiac and 2 kids with a nut allergy has caused me to be A LITTLE SENSITIVE TO THIS ISSUE.

    fin.

    • I am allergic to wheat and don’t have celiac. And there are blood tests now—you don’t have to do a “challenge” anymore.

      Of course, she doesn’t have celiac. Unless she does, and just eats gluten constantly as an inventive method of laxative abuse and/or to support her Munchausen’s. I am not sure which is more cray—her lying about having celiac (if she doesn’t have it) or her persistent eating of gluten if she does.

      • I will mention that the blood tests don’t actually tell you much. Tons of false positives. I had blood and skin prick tests that said I was allergic to all types of foods but I’m…actually not at all. There are national medical guidelines that state that STILL the only way to tell is through challenge tests. I can send you/link you this stuff if you want, though it’s pretty science heavy.

        • The blood tests can give docs a lead, though, so you don’t have to start with the challenge tests for everything.

          I definitely agree that the ELISA tests are pretty rough tools in their current state—and I read a lot of the critiques of them, because my huscat was extremely skeptical—but my doctors (actual doctors with MDs) found them helpful (and I was glad not to have to do a complete challenge of everything!)

    • i know i rarely comment, but 2 kids with celiac and 2 kids with a nut allergy

      Also, you deserve a medal for this. That just sounds like a total nightmare to have to deal with!

      • aw, thank you. it was really overwhelming at first but at least now i have an outlet for my anal-retentive tendencies 😉 and thanks for clarifying! i have gotten REALLY pushed to the limit with gluten free diets being the “trendy” thing these days, and it takes a lot of willpower not to strangle these women who have decided they’re going gluten free this week so they can lose three pounds or detox or whatthefuckever, meanwhile my kids can’t eat half of their halloween candy and have to eat salad on their school field trip to a pizza place, and sometimes i want to cry when they sadly talk about how much they miss “real” bagels. so yeah, i tend to snap sometimes. and i know that wheat allergies do exist, but it’s infuriating when someone like julia claims to have celiac, then also claims to be allergic. UGH.
        /whine

        • oh and also i wasn’t insinuating that you are one of those women! just that they are the reason why my negative response is such a reflex.

  14. Servicey idea: ask all Tim Ferriss conference attendees for referrals. That way we’ll have a long list of doctors never to see if we value our money and lives.

  15. Here is a thought: You wear a FUCKING SHIT-TON OF MAKE UP EVERY GOD-DAMN DAY.

    You eat badly and do fad diets all the fucking time. You don’t exercise unless you are near OMG Runyon Canyon. You probably have severe anxiety issues and are stressed out all the time trying to fameball it up, compete with your betters and win a rich Ivy educated husband. You LOVE yourself while deep down I think you hate yourself – there’s some stress…

    Calm the fuck down, eat veggies, a bit of meat and grains and fruit and SHUT THE FUCK UP. Also, how about eating 3-4 cupcakes in 3 minutes with the fuckers from Vimeo or College Humor? Huh? WTF was that?

    You know what, sometimes I just fucking can’t with her. What a fucking idiot.

    Also, is she pushing her tits out in this thanksgiving photo? REALLY? Are you comparing the size of your breasts with the fucking Butterball?

    • Donkey in a tit-thrust-off against a dead butterball may be the sickest & finniest thing I’ve ever read.

      2nd CATegory: Whose skin basted the shiniest before cracking?

  16. “Throughout his career Dr. Pastore has achieved extraordinary accomplishments such as becoming the youngest faculty member…”

    Dr. Pasty may not be a for-real medical doctor, but he seems to have achieved the extraordinary accomplishment of graduating from the Dumb Donkey School for Kids Who Can’t Write Good.

  17. okay, so i just skimmed this bullshit, (and please correct me if my authenticity costume glasses are fogged), but it sounds like she is all wah wah wah about dietary restrictions because of her ACNE????? as in, according to doctor robby, she SHOULDN’T eat these things if she is concerned about her skin (which, btw, has anyone noticed that she has this terrible acne problem or is this a vague reference to how she photoshops the shitballz out of her pictures?).

    i don’t know, i’m just struggling to wrap my too fat head around the crux of this MAJOR OMG ISSUE… is she seriously at risk if she consumes hydroxyglycolicadrenalestrogeneggs (AND OMG GLUTEN OF COURSE), or is this much ado about nothing but acne?

    FOOTNOTE: i am genuinely curious.

    • Yup. This is all because she doesn’t properly wash off the clown make-up every night. You’d think she had AIDS or cancer or something.

      • the stupidity. it burns! clearly i should go get tested for my severe allergy to julia allison. i wonder if dr. pasty is free tomorrow.

      • Genuinely curious, jp. We hear that ‘doesn’t wash her face’ comment a lot. While I buy it, since she just looks smelly, is this conjecture, or have you had tips?

    • sorry if my ragies made that hard to decipher (it’s still too early to blame the booze). i’m really just asking if anyone who knows what the what is going on with this allergy business can shed some light on this in a “can’t eat” vs. “shouldn’t eat” manner

      • People who actually have celiac disease can’t eat gluten without getting ill, and that illness ranges from digestive upset (usually diarrhea but sometimes vomiting) to something that looks like a severe gastric virus (stomach upset + fever + headaches + joint pain and inflammation).

        Over the long term, people who have celiac who persist in having wheat can have serious and even life-threatening complications from malabsorption and the increased inflammation, so if A Donkey really does have celiac and eats gluteny foods under the bulimic idea that she’ll just poop it right out anyway, she is cruising for a lot of trouble.

        People who are allergic to wheat (me!) are allergic to one or more of the proteins in wheat, not necessarily to gluten (I can have barley and rye with no problem), and generally have milder but similar symptoms when consuming wheat accidentally.

        People who are intolerant of gluten or of wheat have milder stomach upsets when they consume them.

        People who have egg allergies experience a histamine overload because of a reaction to the egg proteins. This can range from itchiness to hives to vomiting to actual anaphylaxis.

        I presume that this quack’s idea, such as it is, is that she is intolerant of eggs, etc., and that the inflammatory response is fucking up her skin. There’s probably some kernel of truth in there, though the acne generally associated with inflammatory response is rosacea.

        Still, Occam’s Razor would suggest that one has no farther to look for a reason for her red, puffy face than her abuse of injectables, her crappy sleep habits, her laxative abuse, her terrible food choices, her thick applications of makeup, and her poor hygiene.

        • Yes, I know way too much about allergies and the inflammatory system, but let me tell you Internets, my inflammatory system is fucked up like whoa, so it’s self-defense.

          Since I was fool enough to go to real doctors instead of random quacks, I have to give myself shots constantly and not eat (or even lick) delicious wheaty goodnesses. It is exactly the opposite of fun.

        • just to add to this – it is possible to have celiac and have no symptoms. one of my kids was diagnosed at 11 and had had stomach problems for years, the other was 6 and had never complained about stomach problems, ever. the only reason we found out (thank god) was because when the first was diagosed, the other three got tested for it as well because it can be genetic.

          as scary as it was at the time, i’m so glad we found out when we did because it’s far more scary to think that she could have gone on eating gluten and causing potential damage without knowing about it for god knows how long.

          okay, i’m done. 😉

          • Oh, yikes! That is scary, especially for a kid. You are totally my hero. HERO PARENT.

            I did not know that celiac could be all ninja like that. I love this place; I learn so many (sometimes terrifying) things!

      • I’m allergic to milk. It’s the proteins, whey and casein, that cause my immune system to go ape shit. Lactose intolerance is the inability to digest milk sugar, causing it to basically ferment in your intestines. If I accidentally consume milk (the tiniest amount can set off a reaction, like a wine filtered with casein, cured meats made with lactic acid culture starter derived from a dairy source, or that fake crab stick in sushi, McDonald’s french fries…) I break out in hives, have trouble breathing, vomit everywhere. When it’s a really severe reaction I go into shock. It’s frightening. I hardly eat out even though I am in the culinary industry because I know my sensitivity and the risk of cross contamination. I cook almost all my food. If this bish was allergic to milk she’d already fucking know it by now. She really needs to STFU. Also, cutting all the dairy out her diet might be the healthiest things she could accidentally do for herself.

    • Has she even looked into the fact that a side effect of topical acne medication can be GI issues? So basically, she could be convincing herself that the acne and stomach problems are because of a huge problem, when it could be that her acne treatments are causing her stomach problems.

      Julie, sometimes acne treatments don’t work out the way you want them to. I know it’s hard for you because you’re not beautiful on the inside, so there’s a lot of pressure for external beauty, but suck it up like the rest of us.

  18. I have never noticed any acne on her face. Not even the bumps that you can see on people like Brad Pitt despite the makeup. She’s taken pics sans makeup and all I see is a shiny face, but no acne. None.

    Is this a possible shoutout to the Proactiv people so she can get an informercial deal ala Katy Perry?

    • she has brayed FOR YEARS about acne. first it was acne due to makeup, but dr. bobby gave her something for it and then she went silent. then it was acne due to gluten. now she’s off gluten. but the acne is still there! it’s all donkey caca.

        • Oh, god, wouldn’t it be the best if we could somehow convince her that she had Morgellon’s?

          Even the cray folks who call up George Noory don’t believe in that anymore. But A Donkey might!

        • Like Mad Men, she found science too sexist; it often contains numbers, a well-known anathema to all the girls.

      • I was going to say she’s claimed to have had her “acne” (again, some more, I’ve never seen her with acne despite the thousands of pictures she posts) several times now. First, Dr. Bobby “cured” her, then BluePrint, now this quack.

        She says it’s not topical, but how does she know? Has she ever tried going without makeup for a couple of weeks and only washing with a sensitive skin cleanser to see if it makes a difference?

        • She’s specified a few times that she gets her worst acne along her jawline, which actually tends to suggest that it’s hormonal, not diet-related. Obvs diet and improper skin care can contribute to acne but sometimes you just need meds, from a real dermatologist. But I’m sure Donk is too worried about the risks of something like Accutane (where your skin can get worse before it gets better) to opt for that. IMO, having seen hundreds of photos of her, it doesn’t seem to me like her acne necessitates that kind of dramatic step (Accutane also means monthly liver tests — at least the last time I checked). But then again, Donk would never post a photo where she had an obvious zit.

          I sort of wonder if her aversion to pills extends to birth control, because that could also (possibly) solve her problem.

      • I gots the acne probs, too, and I have tried a number of things shy of Accutane ( no way, no how). I also have rosacea, so for a long time I assumed all of my my break-outs were due to that. My former dermatologist even missed the fact that I may have two things going on, which my new dermatologist correctly diagnosed.

        Here’s the thing! Adult acne in women is typically hormonal, and no amount of topical products or care will change that (though it can affect how quickly breakouts clear up). Obviously a good diet is better than a poor diet in terms of overall health including health of the skin, but generally the solution is to regulate the hormonal activity. For some, birth control pills will do it. For others, like me, it takes something more, like spironolactone (which is working like gangbusters for me).

        • She could also just go on the pill, that could help. But I think she said it makes her a hose beast or something. Yep, blame the pill sweetie. There are so many different pill options now. But that wouldn’t allow her to be a hypochondriac.

  19. Egg allergy = red skin and hives after eating. Not acne.

    Also, this quack has just given her the go ahead to quit flirting and just climb on the paleo diet.

  20. Poor donkey.
    Had I known she was suffering so, I could have recommended my neighborhood herbalist. His name is Dr. Feelgood and he works weekends on the corner by the bakery. He’d cure what ails her, and might even be qualified to diagnose/treat whatever disorder it is that causes her to post this shite online.

  21. I brrrrayge! when Donkey pretends to understand ANYTHING about science or medicine. Toxins? Really?

    • Why did I read that? Now I know that we use a lot of the same makeup. But worst of all? We wear the same perfume: Marc Jacobs. That is MY scent.

      Dang it. Julie ruins EVERYTHING.

      • She uses good brands but using full coverage foundation AND concealer AND full coverage powder applied with the pad instead of a brush? That’s so passé. She doesn’t get that modern makeup should be more sheer, natural and luminous. Which is also so much better for the skin.

        • It’s not so much that she uses so much spackle, it’s that she doesn’t wash it off. Or wash her hair. Or take a shower.

          All of that is crap for your skin, especially when you’re a white lady with oily skin and hair, as she obviously is.

        • I had thought that “Christmas Cheeks” was an RBD joke about Julia’s insane make-up tastes, but thanks to that disturbing blow-by-blow of her makeup routine, I see that it originated straight from the donkey’s mouth. Wow.

    • Oh, God, that article.

      I especially loved this bit:

      Per her friend Mary Rambin, “with extensions, every day’s a good hair day.”

      HA HA HA HA AH AH HA HA no.

    • The opening line was enough to make me vom in the shower.

      Girls, I had the opportunity to interview the fab Julia Allison, to whose blog and Time Out New York dating column I’m SHAMELESSLY addicted.

        • “Isn’t Julia great? She slathers her face with a Kabuki mask every day, except that it’s mostly vaseline! And her pelts and eyepelts are magnificent! She’s dreamy!”

          barf barf barf

          Gastroenterologists should distribute that article as pre-surgical prep; guaranteed to clean out your system!

  22. This is among of the more stupid things she’s done in a while, and that’s a saying a lot. Nothing about the results and his recommendations make sense from a medical perspective. He’s pushing his own vitamins and customized diet. All of us when submitted to a test on a single day like that, would come back with imperfect results. Also, he’s grasping at straws with all the “you’re one point away from X.” That point means something ! Labs are read in ranges, not points. Oh, the stupidity, it burns!

  23. Have a quick look here. Found this in 10 seconds on Google. Do a browser “find” for this quack’s name. Then just skip to the very bottom line of the page.

    http://www.quackwatch.com/04ConsumerEducation/Nonrecorg/aanc.html

    A highlight for the tl,dr crowd. This “doctor” is a member of an association that is so hard to get into that…. “In 2004, Ben Goldacre, who writes a “Bad Science” column for the British Guardian newspaper, obtained a professional member certificate in the name of his cat, who had died in 2003.”

    • Yeah saw that, my favorite: The certificate—printed on imitation parchment paper and complete with gold seal and red ribbon—does indeed look attractive and professional. But those who encounter it would be wise to look closely at what it signifies….This certificate was issued during the mid-1980s to a pet hamster whose name has been removed to protect the owner’s identity.

      [img]http://www.quackwatch.com/04ConsumerEducation/Gifs/aanc.gif[/img]

      AANC is the issuing organization of a C.N.C., that according to Quackwatch, he use to list but is surreptitiously missing from his current bio (in addition to the “school” he graduated from)

    • This seriously give me the ragies. It’s one thing if you buy into this shit yourself, but to perpetuate this bullshit online and act like you got medical advice is irresponsible.

      • The worst is that it is also a shill.

        A bray for pay, or bray for another fucking person telling her she is a victim and none of it is her fault.

        Luckily? No one reads anything she has to say except us. We are the idiots who watch the ugly girl behind the mirror do stupid shit.

  24. Geezus, behold:
    “I appreciate that – but Dr. Pastore has a Phd in nutrition and he IS my second opinion!”

    • WHAT THE FUCK

      HE DOES NOT HAVE A PHD IN NUTRITION

      HE HAS A FAKE PHD FROM A FAKE DIPLOMA MILL

      DONKEY HAS BEEN SUCKERED AGAIN

      SEE REAL DOCTORS, NOT FAKE DOCTORS! SEE REAL THERAPISTS, NOT WOO-WOO FAKE PSYCHICS! HOW CAN SHE BE SO FUCKING STUPID

      • Not when a donkey prefers a quack who’d fawn all over her as though she were a special snowflake. Just eat right, Julia, and exercise and do your best to get that good 8 hours. If sleepless, take 2 Advil P.M.s. Works for me every time!

        • No, it is much more prestigious and thrilling to be a Special Snowflake with Abracadabramine deficiencies than to just eat smart and get some sleep.

      • Jesus Christ.. I just looked at it like 4 1/2 minutes ago and it was there.. She knows everyone knows she’s full of shit..

      • If she had an ounce of decency she would pull the whole post and issue an apology. Something like:

        It has come to my attention that Dr. Pastore may not have graduated from an accredited university and therefore may not have a recognized Ph.d. I understand that healthcare is a serious issue and poor medical advice may result in serious injury or the exacerbation of an existing medical conditions., While I cannot speak to efficacy of Dr. Pastore’s advice or treatment plan, I promise to be more diligent in the future when trying to “spur” you to seek medical advice.

      • Anyone notice she is changed the original post to:

        “So at the advice of my MD, I went to Dr. Pastore (who is a nutritionist, with a phd) on the recommendation of my friend Julia Price. She had been struggling with severe dairy allergies for years, and no doctor had diagnosed it properly until him.”

        She makes it seem that her M.D. directly referred her to Dr. Bobby, with an additional recommendation from JP. Bullshit. There is zero chance that this amorphous “MD” and JP simultaneously/coincidentally recommended Dr. Bobby to her. Her doctor probably recommended her to go see a nutritionist but not Dr. Bobby by name.

        The reference of a M.D. is actually quite interesting, she’s attempting to vicariously inflate Dr. Bobby’s credentials, or the lack thereof, with a M.D.’s credentials. It shows she even has doubts as to the whether Dr. Bobby’s credentials can stand on their own.

        The lack of denoting an EDIT stamp on her blog is really unprofessional for an OMG International Amazeball Journalist. When newspapers make a correction they explicitly tell you, its called being honest to your readership. Fucking hack, she must of gotten her degree from JorgeTowne School of Holistic Journalism.

  25. SHUT UP SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR FAKE DOCTOR WHO ISN’T REALLY A DOCTOR

    INSTEAD WASH YOUR FACE AND CUT DOWN ON THE INJECTABLES

    ALSO GET RID OF THE PELT AND THE EYEPELTS

    NOBODY ON EARTH GIVES A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU EAT

    GO TO AN ACTUAL DOCTOR! OF PSYCHIATRY! BECAUSE YOU NEED HELP FOR THE CRAY, STAT!

    I WAS ALL PRO THE JULIA FKA ILOWIECKI UNTIL I SAW THIS. NOW SHE IS ON MY HATE LIST FOR INDULGING A DONKEY’S SHITTY HYPOCHONDRIA

  26. Also, if she wants to eat meat and not lie about it, why not just fucking eat it instead of getting a fake-doctor’s note?

    • That’s my guess too, she wouldn’t be able to claim she was a pescetarian when Bravo was filming 24hours a day.

    • My first thought after reading about the recommendation that she eat meat was that she probably eats meat all the friggin’ time, but she knows that she is bound to get “caught” by Bravo cameras.

      That, plus she wants to go on the Caveman diet to impress Fucker Max.

  27. Dear Julia,
    I may not have a donkterate from America’s seventh-most-selective college of alternative nutritional philosophy and canine dentistry, but my advice is way better and easier than Dr Bobby’s:
    1. Exercise every day.
    2. Go to bed at the same time and sleep 7-9 hours every day.
    3. Eat healthy, fresh food.
    4. To be on the safe side, put little or nothing on your face that isn’t non-comedogenic moisturizer or cleanser.
    If you follow this advice for the first time in your life, I’m sure that any problems you’re experiencing will clear up in a couple weeks.
    Meow,
    TL;DR

    • You are 100% right about all of that. Also, she should wash her face and shower more often.

      She won’t do any of those things, of course.

    • Exercise every day — bingo! I used to break out all the time, but my face cleared up like magic when I started sweating on a regular basis. Also, I didn’t wear clown spackle to the gym (or anywhere else, for that matter).

  28. God it’s SAD. I don’t feel sad for her, just the general situation. Imagine your whole sad empty life, running, always running away from yourself. Test after test, city after city, friend after friend, running and always finding yourself left behind and so alone. So you start searching for answers in ashrams, in diets, in charlatan friends that will tell you anything for a price: you’re beautiful Julia. More injections Julia. No Eggs Julia. And all you do is spin and spin wondering why you can’t ever seem to find the answers and never realizing that if you just stopped and looked in the mirror you’d see that the answers are right in front of your face.

    No special tricks or drugs. Just some stillness and an acceptance that some of the choices haven’t worked out the way she’d envisioned. That’s it’s ok to have failed if she learned from it and moved in a different direction.

    Instead she just brays and brays, and runs and pretends that everything is so shiny and new never admitting what we can all see: the cracks in the facade aren’t going anywhere.

    I am drink. (It’s 11pm here) and I just can never the donkey.

    Julia, sweetie, you need to get some help.

  29. So, Lewis and of bunch of the “Opening the Kimono Kids” stopped being “Paleo”.
    But Donkey wants to keep her door open for Tim F.
    Yeah, … tl:dr.

  30. I can feel the excitement emanating from her as she typed that, this crazy Donk loves being unwell, mark my words – there’s a real case of Munchausen by Proxy festering in her!

  31. Donkey rings me all the time, but I think I can call a triple-ring on this post: she’s lying, being repugnant, and tl;dr.

  32. O/T
    From CNN: Narcissists want wedding, not marriage.
    (http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/01/living/wedding-marriage-splits/)

    Second only to addiction, McWade claims, narcissism is the ultimate relationship killer and a significant factor in many of the divorce cases she has witnessed.

    *Narcissists lack self-esteem and live in an internal world*, one that they can attract another person to and form a relationship around because they can read other people and manipulate them. It becomes a parasitic relationship, with all of the affection going to the narcissist, McWade said.

    McWade believes that Americans are more predisposed to narcissism because of the inventive and explorative history of our country. Narcissism fueled this push for independent thought and creation, but it in turn “conquered the culture to some degree.”

    *Parents have an unfortunate tendency to create narcissists*, by forcing their children to become what their parents want in order to receive love, or if a son — after all, 70% of narcissists are men — believes he is the central focus of a family, according to McWade’s research.

  33. Dr. Pastore has “the high honor of being published in the peer reviewed Journal of Science and Healing.”
    excuse me while I…..
    BWHAHAHAHAHAHAFLSAJFLSJDFLKASJDGOJHAGFOJHAW~q%tw#^#!@%

    oh man, that’s funny. and sad. WHAT (SNAP) A (SNAP) QUACK! (SNAPZ)

  34. Honestly, the drama.
    How ’bout: “Excited to learn that a healthier dietary strategy may be the answer to my chronic skin and digestive problems!”
    [End of post.]

  35. I understand that eating meat poses an ethical dilemma for Ms. Julia Allison, seeing how she treats her dog and rides in horse-drawn carriages in NYC and all the leather products she has and etc.

    Also, and this is off-topic, but I bet she’d wrestle an exploited child for a blood diamond.

      • i used to write angry letters to the horse carriage companies of philadelphia. it’s pretty vile how they treat those animals.

      • i can’t even express how much this story has been upsetting me. i’m not a die-hard animal rights activist by any means (but i applaud those who are!), but i rode horses all through my childhood, and those poor horses in central park are so sad i can’t even look at them when i walk by. i don’t understand how anyone can ride in those things. how do you NOT see how miserable those poor animals are? i don’t get it. i really don’t. it’s disgusting.

  36. Why didn’t Julia tell Brit about all these amazeball non-accredited schools? He must be really pissed, he could of gotten his P.hd at the Moldova Institute of Taxidermy, saved a bunch of money (minus the $1.36 for the pre-paid self addressed diploma envelope), and received the same level of education.

  37. off topic.

    http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/339441

    a shitty, practically in the wild donkey. full of herself. talking over megs. a cunt to the max. if you can tolerate. good to watch for old timey fun. clip starts with her bragging about being the most hated person on the internet.

    could be good for those studying for the phd in donkitude!

    • at one hour, one minute they pose for a photo. “boob check.” “let’s get in my macbook air” (which, by the way, she’s carrying in an interoffice envelope like the ads showed it). and then, “let’s do something crazy!” after the nice photo is snapped.

      • then she says in the group shot: “you’re blocking my boobs.” then snorts. then says “i’m just kidding” but in a way that she’s not.

    • Just watched some of this.. and you can really tell how Donk’s confidence and swagger has dipped over the last year or so.

  38. OT: Look at the fauxto up top, behind Mom$er’s head …
    That’s a hella lotta bottles of vino!

    They probably only sip when they’re never watching the tv they don’t have, right?

  39. I just called her out via comment. Let’s see if she actually approve it. Probably not, but that’s what she does.

  40. In her comments she says, “Thank you so much, Allison. I know it’s stupid, but I really LOVED eating eggs and drinking lattes. (Almost as much as I loved eating bread and cupcakes and pasta.) I can’t have any of that now, and that just … sucks. It’s not fatal, but it sucks.”

    If she was truly having problems with those foods, she wouldn’t miss eating them. She might hate the inconvenience, but that’s it. I’m mildly lactose intolerant, and sometimes people pity me for not being able to put milk in my cereal. In reality, I don’t even drink soy milk or almond milk, because my bad experiences with milk cause me to find the whole concept unappetizing. I don’t miss it at all!

    What I really want to know: how many cans of Amy’s chili is Julia allowed to eat a day? If it’s not ten, she’s in for a transition.

    • But as a woman JABA had a self-imposed ban on bread and pasta! Her only weakness for gluten was cupcakes.

    • I thought coffee was on her self-imposed banned list along with alcohol. I seem to recall her going between planning her “latte a day photo project” (RIP!) and saying how caffeine is evil. Also it irks me how she never says coffee, only latte.

    • Yeah, i call bullshit on this. I know lactose intolerant people and they don’t miss that stuff. One of my friends is lactose intolerant, gluten free vegan and has been this way forever. There is no drama about this situation at all. She just goes about her business and creates zero drama/complaint about it.

      But she has legitimate allergies and has had them forever and is totally over it. This is just more manufactured drama.

  41. Well, I hope she at least got the fake doctoring from the fake doctor for free.

    GO TO A REAL DOCTOR WITH AN MD A DONKEY

  42. It doesn’t sound like the “doctor” said she HAS to eat meat, just that she has to stop eating so much fish. (How much fish is she eating, by the way?) She really catapulted to that conclusion.

      • If good old Julie truly hasn’t been eating any meat but fish for years, she’s in for a huge shock when she starts up again. Goodbye, tiny and cute.

        • I don’t know about this. When I gave up meat 4 yrs ago, I didn’t lose weight, I am about the same weight. And I still have the same seasonal fluctuations in weight I always had, i.e. gaining 10 lbs over the winter and returning to my low point by late summer, all while eating roughly the same stuff. Even aproaching age 30 (OMG expiration!) hormonal factors seem like a big deal. There are just too many factors in a person’s weight to say anything definitive.

        • I lost weight when I ended my dumb experiment with vegetarianism and went back to joyously gnawing on T-bones. I ate way more pasta and carbs as a vegetarian than I did as a meat-eater.

          • Same here. Even going from vegan back to omnivore made me lose weight, without any other factor than tweaking my diet.

        • Add me to the list of “fed my hunger for animals with way too much pasta and cheese and thus lost weight when I went back to omnivorousness.”

          That said, it’s pretty clear that A Donkey really only likes to eat sweets; have you ever heard her talking about real food? It’s all cake cake cake candy cupcakes cake.

  43. JuliaAllison:
    @emilyolson @glutenfreegirl – Just started following her! Hi there Shauna! I was diagnosed with celiac last year & now I can’t eat eggs! boo

    Didn’t this shauna bitch show up in the GOMI feed for some scandal? Oooo Julia Allison Baugher’s worlds are getting dangerously close to one another

    • I don’t understand why she can’t eat eggs if she can eat meat and fish. Is this because she still insists eggs are dairy?

      • Eggs have different proteins in them than the meat of the chicken/duck/goose/whatever the egg comes from. I think most of the people who really do have egg allergies can eat chickens, etc.

    • Shauna is the UR form of Donkey on a serious hippy trip. Horrible writer, just grifted the food blogging community out of 80,000$ on behalf of another food blogger who was recently widowed under false pretences. It’s all on GOMI.

      So of course Julia is contacting her.

      So much fucking fail going around on the internet.c

      • She’s another one who doesn’t go to real doctors. I still don’t know if she was actually diagnosed with celiac or just appointed herself the spokesmodel based on an IgG blood test (which, as the lovely and talented lolz pointed out way up there, is not definitive).

        Also, all of her recipes (GFG’s, I mean) are horrible. The baked goods don’t rise and generally taste like ass, the casseroles you could use as ballast on an ocean liner; she’s an imbecile who is a waste of bandwidth and oxygen. YES I AM BITTER BECAUSE I CANNOT HAVE MY DELICIOUS WHEAT FLOUR ANYMORE AND IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND GOOD RECIPES BECAUSE TOO MANY ASSHATS

        • if you’d like, i have a killer recipe for blondies/chocolate chip cookie bars that i swear do not taste GF at all. i have to dig it up because i haven’t made them in a while, but i know i have it somewhere.

    • shauna (GFG) is really a disgusting person, almost like Julia. she’s been GOMI’d a lot recently… it’s probably how Julia decided to appeal to her on Twitter. she can tell that shauna is a total fameball

  44. He is a member of the Society of Certified Nutritionists, the American Association of Nutritional Consultants, the Coalition for Natural Health, and the Center for Science in the Public Interest.

    Okay, so in addition to his fake degrees from a fake school, he is a member of a bunch of fake professional organizations and a completely bogus activism organization founded by Ralph Nader flunkies.

    WOW THIS GUY IS A SUPERSTAR

    • On the Center for Science in the Public Interest—this website is a bit assholish, but what they say is basically correct. It’s a bunch of scaremongers who write letters about whatever bee they happen to have in their bonnets at any given moment, not an actual interdisciplinary science/public policy institute of any kind.

    • In any case, him saying he’s a “member” of it (even if you dig its activism—I think they generally coattail on groups like the UCS) in his curriculum vitae is ridiculous. Everyone who contributes is a “member” of the organization; he’s not on its board or involved in any of its working groups, per its website.

      YOU GUYS I AM A MEMBER OF PBS! AND ALSO THE ANGLICAN COMMUNION! THAT MEANS I’M BEST FRIENDS WITH QUEEN ELIZABETH BECAUSE WE’RE BOTH MEMBERS!

  45. So now there’s a Tim Ferris “Four Hour Work Week” acolyte rushing in to say all the things that Donks wants to hear.

    I’m going to say this once, for the cheap seats:

    TIM FERRISS IS RICH BECAUSE HE SELLS BOOKS TO MORONS. NOT BECAUSE HE’S DEVELOPED SOME SECRET FORMULA ON HOW TO LIVE LIFE AND MAKE MONEY. AND HE IS THIN BECAUSE HE IS SMALL AND EXERCISES A LOT.

    That’s all. He sells a product – books – that people buy. Anyone who holds him up as a role model, because he’s rich and successful and tiny and wiry, is missing out on that key bit of info. He, like millions and millions of other people who sell stuff, is rich because he sells stuff. There’s no secret there. He doesn’t have all the answers; rather, he’s written his bullshit down and convinced others he has the answers.

    Whew. I feel better. Dr. Gary, can I have one of the house specials?

  46. You know what cracks me up is that Donkey is a victim of her own advice (which makes me question if this whole affair is just shtick for the Bravo show). In her Learning Annex B Shitshow she recommended the following to her audience:

    [img]http://tinypic.com/r/10wu1wm/5[/img]
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=_VNoxoeQTFo#t=567s =_VNoxoeQTFo#t=189s

    [img]http://tinypic.com/r/nezau/5[/img]
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=_VNoxoeQTFo#t=567s

      • Jesus fuck, I guess it’s true that you can’t con an honest person. Apparently she takes Lesson 5 to heart for others as well. WHY GO TO AN ACTUAL DOCTOR? THIS PERSON WHO CLAIMS TO BE A DOCTOR HAS A WEBSITE. IT’S ALL THE SAME ANYWAY.

      • The first slide is lifted almost entirely from Tim Ferris’s “Four-Hour Workweek.” Please don’t ask how I know.

      • This is awful. “join organizations with official-sounding names?” Write articles for websites that sound professional…? This is just ridiculous how scammy and inauthentic this sounds. I could just never bring myself to watch the Learning Annex videos. I’m kind of glad, because had I seen what a wannabe charlatan she was back then, the ragies would have been so off the charts that I’d have trouble tearing myself away from this shitshow.

        • The funniest bit is that her fake doctor did exactly that—all of his “professional organizations” are fake orgs for fake quacks.

          HA HA THE BITER IS BIT

  47. this is her discovering that the celiac disease facade is too hard to maintain, so she is finding an exit strategy. “oops, I was misdiagnosed”.

  48. I’m looking forward to her breathless martyr-y postings about having to give up her pescetarianism which is so very important to her, being a pescetarian, did you know she eats no meat except fish? Well, she has various illnesses, so now she has to eat chicken. But she’s a years long pescetarian!!! Fuck, life is inexplicably, outrageously, inexorably hard.

  49. Also LOL “Targeted supplementation – we need to solve these deficiencies quickly as many of them are effecting your skin.” YOu have 48 hours to buy my products before your skin explodes into herpes-like sores. Call me.

    She really falls for this shit.

      • Hmm … since BPC is sooooo healthy & chock full of vitamins, & yet she has all these ONE! POINT! AWAY! FROM! BEING! FLAGGED! deficiencies, maybe what she needs next to find out if she has malabsorption issues … ???!?

        Better get on it, Donkey!

        • The thing is that she might actually have malabsorption issues—from laxative abuse. And from eating gluten if she really does have celiac.

          I hate her so much. I don’t know why this particular outbreak of cray has tipped me over the edge into inchoate rage.

          Perhaps it’s because I have been going to doctors and getting boatloads of tests not to feed my ego but, you know, to keep from being so fucking sick all the time. So I can go back to work. At work I care about. And spend time with my godchildren and my nephew. And see my friends. And not be a gigantic burden on my huscat.

          And then she waltzes in and treats this shit like it’s a fun LARP with her fakey tests from her fakey doctors so she can get sympathy for how very brave she is, and I’m just like SHIT, this shit is not fun and not glamorous and it doesn’t make you all lovely and ethereal like Ali McGraw in Love Story, it makes you sad and isolates you from the people you care about and fucks with your career path.

          I fucking swear to God I don’t tell my two very best friends in the world—one of whom is a doc and who asks all the time, and the other of whom I nursed through a very serious surgery, so we’re on those kind of terms—women who are like sisters to me! who ask me!—about my medical issues in this kind of detail. And I’ve been sick for almost 10 years.

          But she just puts this shit up on her liecast because SHE DOESN’T GET IT. She’s not in jail, she’s just visiting, but she is trying to MILK the sympathy.

          Fuck her. She is a fucking fuck fuck.

  50. JULIA, GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!

    Julia Allison
    So … um … does anyone know any cute, funny, blisteringly brilliant men in LA with whom I could make out? er … I mean … date? 😉
    2 minutes ago ·

    • Interesting… she says her lease is only until June… should we do a poll how long she’ll live in LA?

      • It’s an interesting question. My guess is that she’ll only stay in LA until the filming for the show is over, and then bounce. But where? My money’s on “Back to the OMG Downtown Condo” and she will desperately try to respin it as “Oh, I realized how much I missed my marvelous hometown of Chicago!” but nobody will buy it.

    • But Donkey, even though you don’t think so, you’re thicker than a phone book.
      So how are you planning on attracting this brilliant man? With your sharp intellectual discourse on self help books and their underlining, fad diets and the evolving art of the Myspace pose?
      You’re the intellectual equivalent of that average/below average looking guy who’s convinced he deserves to date a supermodel. (You’re also like this on physical appearance too but that’s a whole other fucked up discussion)
      And Donkey, since , even though you might not believe it, you’re asking this ideal man to mentally date down to be with you, I’m sure you’d have no problem dating someone you thought looked less attractive or was less intelligent than you.
      Turn about is fair play, right Julia? You should never ask anyone to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself.
      Oh wait …

  51. “I’m a little late (October was breast cancer awareness month), but I wanted you guys to see the awesome video my girl friend Taryn Southern wrote/sang/produced/directed. I was supposed to be in it, but wasn’t in LA the day she shot. Missed opportunity to touch my boobies. 🙁

    PS. My new roommate Julia Price is in there too! ”

    Well, that explains who she is sharing a stall with.

    • Why the fuck would she have to fly to LA and look at apts and “close on a place” if she is rooming with Price? I mean, ostensibly they could be getting a new place together, but I thought Price had an LA apt. You can just see JA is soo jealous of how gorgeous and skinny Price is, she’s aping her wackadoo doctor diet and shit. Her eating disorders are so sad. How long do we think Price will last?

      • Julia Price is the new Jordacted! Remember when Julia was so jealous of Jordan she copied her clothes (ROMPER WEINER!), dyed her hair red to be more “cool”, started wearing that one black henley shirt and called it hipster?

      • I feel bad for Julia Price.

        The musicians I know, many who’re trying to make a name for themselves & catch their big break, are some of the best people you could hope to meet. I hate the thought of Donkey blowback causing her to become a laughingstock.

        • & p.s. – WHY? the fuck is Donkey splaying her (Julia Price’s) medical sitch all over the g-d internet?

  52. She also posted this at 2am. Figured I’d paste it here so she doesn’t get hits:
    “Advice from a friend

    When I got my diagnosis from Dr. Pastore, one of the first people I emailed was Dan (for those who aren’t regular readers, my high school beau and friend of 15 years), who had to go on gluten-sugar-dairy free when he was diagnosed with cancer three years ago. I knew he would have good suggestions for how to implement the diet.

    (BTW, a few people suggested I get a “second opinion.” Well, actually, Dr. Pastore was my third opinion. The other two had traditional MDs (one is my new dermatologist in Beverly Hills, Dr. Lancer), and they recommended pretty much the same thing. Dr. Pastore was more detailed and he did more tests. Just FYI.)

    Anyway, here’s what Dan said … I think it’s really heartening to hear. Although I still do not plan to eat meat. I just … I really can’t do that. I don’t know if there is such thing as “compassionately slaughtered.”:

    “In brief, start eating meat again. Eat organic, cage-free, and compassionately slaughtered animals, but eat them. Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s carry this stuff. Otherwise, take the supplements he recommends. Avoid the allergens he says to avoid.

    It’s actually not as hard as you think to avoid gluten, dairy, wheat and sugar. Ask him about low glycemic sweeteners like agave and honey. Don’t use Stevia, it’s useless.

    Next, I suggest you find a cuisine – a traditional diet eaten somewhere on earth – that meets your requirements. A lot of societies basically don’t eat wheat or dairy. Avoiding eggs and sugar is easy at that point. I would suggest you pick an East Asian cuisine – Vietnamese, Japanese or Thai. Gluten free soy sauce is called Tamari, and it’s not hard to go from there (it’s used in Thai food as a matter of course, but you need to buy it or ask fro it in restaurants, and you need to learn to cook this food for yourself). This is basically what I do, except that I can also eat Indian food and some (non-cow) cheese and eggs for breakfast. You can try Indian, which is great for you, but you need to be careful about dairy, which is in a lot of their recipes.

    Your staples need to be: rice and rice noodles, beans, lentils, meat, vegetables and fruit. Once you get in the habit of thinking in terms of mixing those kinds of foods together, it won’t be as hard.

    If you’re actually serious about trying this diet, call me sometime after Thursday and before Monday and I’ll give you some advice about how to do it given my experience.””

    Even Dan doesn’t believe she is serious about any of this “dieting.”

    • HAAA I scrolled all the way down to see if anyone had posted that. The tone of his email is soooo exasperated, you can hear the YOU IDIOT coming out. And the “If you’re actually serious about trying this diet” is a thing of fucking beauty. Must really chap his ass when he beat cancer to have this twat breathlessly emailing him about her fake disease from her fake doctor.

      • Totally. I do not have food allergies so am not in a position to grand stand here but yeah. Half the world does not eat wheat and cheese, so it’s not like there are no cuisines to model your diet from without much difficulty.

        I get missing these things, but going without is not rocket science. And she could totally do this as a vegan if she weren’t so fucking lazy and could get into beans and rice. But i also call total fucking bullshit on her vegetarianism for so-called moral reasons.

        This bitch has a serious shoe and bag fetish problem going on. Her shoes are not vegan or moral or what have you. They are part and parcel of the same industry she turns her nose up at as related to food.

        She’s a fucking useless moronic hypocrite. And yeah, one gets the feeling that Dan is totally tired of her schtick.

        • Maybe he even hopes she’ll finally back off once the wedding is over, but as donkstory has shown repeatedly, good luck with that. Not that it’s all that surprising but it still never ceases to Baughle the mind that she can’t let go of referring to him as her HS “beau” (I suppose sweetheart was no longer good enough being the mature and emotionally healthy donkey she is today, and all). Also: “regular readers” – LOFL.

          Pastore WAS her second opinion, but now he’s actually her third? Keep spinning, donkey. If the first two said pretty much the same thing, then why was a third opinion even necessary? To find more things she simply just “can’t eat” to explain away an ED, her unhealthy appearance that’s more about laziness and lack of self-discipline than anything else, and to continue her M.O. of special snowflakeism? I kant.

    • If Julia were really serious about the “pescatarian to avoid animal suffering” thing and not the “pescatarian to have speshul snowflake food needs that I can bray about” thing, then you think she’d have a little more of a reaction to eating meat again, no?
      I’m vegan and if a doctor told me I had to go back to eating slaughtered cows and chickens I’d be seriously fucking grossed out.

      • I’d be pretty disgusted too. Donk just wanted an excuse to go back to eating meat.

    • I’m trying to imagine the scenario in which, if a long-term friend of mine had cancer, that I’d only, finally, get around to inquiring about his/her dietary needs as incidental to my own acne scare, especially when he/she & fiance/cee had been house guests in my parent$ OMG! Downtown Condo! while I was boarded there. WTF does she do for company, just set out the can opener & Amy’s chili?

        • Often a cancer patient doesn’t even have appetite due to severe nausea side effect of chemo & so what they ingest is high-caloric sustenance just to keep the weight on & to avoid muscle mass wasting away.

          She’s posted before about his chemo, right? I gather that he’s come a long ways & is out of the woods, but I do not in any way see how she makes the leap that they’re on similar paths to recovery. Is she next going to try & coordinate her own dietary needs w/ his bride in regards to available food at their wedding reception?

    • You guys…it’s “HEARTENING” for poor Jabbers to hear this from her cancer surviving high school beau. THANK GOD SHE HAS SOME HOPE.

    • And why was her Blatherly Stalls dermatologist giving her advice on her putrid guts instead of just writing her a Differin prescription for her “acne”?

  53. I went to one of these types of “doctors” once for my back pain. I don’t remember how I found him or even what his name is anymore. He had an office in his house, and we were interrupted by his daughter who was having car issues. 

    I ended up drinking magnetic water & buying a shit-ton of supplements, like kale pills or something. 

    My husband thought it was all a bunch of bullshit, but I wanted to believe that my back pain wasn’t coming from my degenerative disks, bulgings, and herniations, but was coming from my colon, like he said it was. Needless to say, it’s two years later & I’m still in daily pain.

    • The fauxto above, w/ Mom$er & Butterball? If so, I gotta say: I think dead, over-cooked, semi-sliced Butterball is giving her a run for her money. The pelts alone are whorendous, in case you haven’t noticed the ass-end of the bobby pin mullet trying to make a get-away. And if she’s really slicing turkey vs just posing, it’s less about helping Mom$er & more about the chance to lick dead bird bits off of her lying hooves.

  54. OT, but it looks like Zooey Deschanel is going to be single again pretty soon. Woooo hoooo! All us guys are supposed to be in love with her, right? And women are supposed to be intimidated/jealous, right? (per JABs)

  55. So fat, so sorry if all this has already been said above and I missed it. First of all, she is claiming she has only been truly gluten-free for two months? Now, if I had celiac and I was feeling ill, shitting and/or vomitting from eating gluten, I would think it would take me a lot less time than 10 months to get off the stuff. I’m sure it’s really hard since so many foods have gluten in them, but if the alternative is being sick all the time, I’d be going gluten-free soon after my diagnosis.

    Second – If you’re having issues with dopamine and epinephrine and norepinephrine, I’d think anti-depressants might be in order. Of course Julia would be pharma’s dream patient, because Baby Jesus knows, the girl’s got mental problems out the wazoo.

    Finally – many, many people are actually lactose intolerant. It doesn’t make her a special snowflake. Most Asians and over half of Hispanics, blacks and Ashkenazi Jews are (isn’t Julia 1/64 Jewish?!). Northern Europeans are about the only group who doesn’t have a high prevalence of lactose intollerance. So maybe she’s lactose intolerant, which isn’t a big deal. I know tons of people who are. If she had an actual SEVERE milk – or anything – allergy, she’d already know it! How can she not realize she would deal with sickness or hives or anaphylaxis ANY TIME SHE CONSUMED ANYTHING CONTAINING A MILK PRODUCT?!?!?!?

    OK, one more thing on my long rant – it looks like there is this huge, creeper hand wrapped around Julia’s waist in the pic with Momsers. And put the knife down and just take a picture with your mother. You look so dumb. For real.

    • I’ve discovered that as I expired, I may be lactose intolerant. I’ve never been tested but dairy doesn’t do me any favors. It makes eating ice cream a sonofabitch.

      • Very common. Happened to me, too. I miss milkshakes and on occasion I will take Lactaid so that I can go to Shake Shack. But I also understand that even with Lactaid, I’m probably in for troubled times.

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