UPDATE: Julie Albertson’s Bio For “Miss Advised”

UPDATE: Watch the Today show video here.

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A friendly tipster has sent us lots of goodies about the new show, but I’ll get to the best part first. You can read the other bios, and the show’s description, after the jump.

A word about the bios — Amy Laurent’s is ridiculously wrong, and clearly provided by her company. It’s like a big long advertisement. Which means that Donkey also provided hers. And I don’t think anyone did any fact-checking given these bios were updated just a couple of weeks ago, apparently — two weeks after Donkey was canned from TMS. Maybe this is always how it works for reality shows. Maybe the credentials/bios/backgrounds of all reality show stars are embellished and contorted by the stars themselves. I am not in TV so I wouldn’t know. But feast your eyes:

Julia Allison

Julia Allison is an internationally syndicated columnist, television
personality, Internet entrepreneur, public speaker, and unabashed social
media junkie.


New York Magazine named her “the most famous young journalist in the city,” the New York Times wrote that she is “among the best known columnists of her generation,” and Newsweek dubbed her “The Marketing Machine.”

Her August 2008 WIRED magazine cover on personal branding outsold nearly every other issue in the last decade.

Allison got her start as a columnist while attending Georgetown University, writing the student newspaper’s first dating column. Since 2005, her popular and controversial column has been published in newspaper AM New York and Time Out New York magazine.

In March 2011, Tribune Media Services launched Allison’s weekly column, “Social Studies,” which examines the impact of technology and social media culture, and runs in newspapers around the world.

She’s also written for other publications including Newsweek, New York magazine, The Guardian UK.


Description of the show:

Miss Advised
Series Overview

“Miss Advised” will follow three different relationship experts on the job and off, as they juggle their work lives (telling other women how to find love) with their personal lives (trying to find love themselves). As they explore advice topics on the job, the series will capture whether they follow their own advice at home.
Our experts each live in a different city, so the series will also reveal differences in the dating styles and habits from town to town. Is dating universal or does it have its regional differences?

While the Experts are in different cities, they are all at a similar place in their lives. So in each episode we’ll see them all tackle the same relationship issue – in their column or on their show… and in their personal lives.

Our Experts don’t just dish out tips at work, they also provide advice and support to those around them. When you’re an expert, everyone wants free advice! How does the advice they give affect the friends and family around them? While people are thrilled when the opinions suit them, but what about when people don’t want to hear what the expert has to offer?

As the Series progresses, we’ll watch as friendships and relationships are affected by our Experts’ advice… and stay tuned as our Experts love lives and careers both flourish and crash land!

 

Bios of Donkey’s co-stars (even in reality TV land, Donkey looks like a loser/slacker compared to these two):

Amy Laurent

Amy Laurent, a professional matchmaker for over six years and Founder & President of the exclusive Amy Laurent International agency, has earned nearly every top honor at successfully matching her clients with suitable lifetime partners.

In the past three years alone, she is credited with numerous marriages and pending engagements, while having a 85-­‐88% success rate of her incoming clients find a serious relationship partner within the first 3 months of working with Amy. Consistently ranked as one of the top modern matchmakers in Manhattan, Los Angeles and Miami, Amy Laurent is in the business of providing full-­‐service matchmaking.

Featured in publications such as the New York Times, Miami Herald, Oprah Magazine, Men’s Health & Cosmopolitan, this warm, welcoming, and dedicated professional puts people at ease immediately, and helps guide them through the biggest endeavor they will ever embark on: finding their life partner.

With Amy’s sound knowledge about how to match the right individuals, access to the most impressive single women on the dating scene and guidance on everything from finding one’s perfect match through her extraordinary, hands-­‐on screening and networking skill, Amy works one-­‐on-­‐one with clients to make their life goals happen. Amy Laurent also enlists an elite, yet small team of highly qualified female associates who assist in locating suitable women and assist Amy’s clients with anything from arranging their dates to preparation for Amy’s VIP single events.

ALI’s unique business model is built on the fact that when people hire the Amy Laurent Agency, they get Amy and her talented staff exclusively. ALI does not have a large team which passes around clients from sales people off to various matchmaking representatives, where quality often suffers by means of a large or franchised dating service; nor does ALI outsource unqualified sales people to represent them in a large number of cities as a means of doing business.

Amy Laurent and her staff handle a smaller number of bachelors in order to be able to give each and every person they work with as much Last updated: 10/12/11 Relativity Real, LLC personalized service as possible -­‐ which has resulted in a solid track record of incredible relationships with many happy clients.

Highly intuitive, organized, and results-­‐oriented, Amy has a strong background in business. She initially worked as a national account executive in earlier years for a customs brokerage firm based in New York. Amy became a full-­‐time executive matchmaker in late 2004, and launched the ALI agency officially in early 2005. Over the past six years, her strong social skills, customer service and organizational skills have been a great asset throughout her career and followed her to New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Miami and London where the ALI team touts their most impressive and latest success stories.

In addition to blogging for the Huffington post, Amy consistently appears on Fox News Strategy Room as a celebrity relationship and dating advice expert. She has made appearances for CBS, The Early Show, Good Day New York, Oprah and Dr. Manny’s Health show. Amy is OK Magazine’s relationship expert and writes commentary for In Touch and Life & Style Magazines.

Emily Morse

Emily Morse is the host of “Sex With Emily,” a live radio show and podcast. The show launched in August 2005 as a podcast and quickly garnered a spot on iTunes’ most downloaded “Top 20 Podcasts” and has remained there since.

Following the underground success of the show, she began hosting the show over traditional radio airwaves on CBS radio in San Francisco. She now does a daily live streaming audio and video podcast and has a television show in development based on Sex With Emily.

Sex With Emily won the 2010 Home-­‐Based 100 Award and earned the #1 spot in the Savviest in Social Media category. Emily has appeared as a guest expert or co-­‐host on radio stations around the country, including the Jamie Foxx Show, Candace Bushnell’s Show, The Judith Regan Show, the Tom Leykis Show, Playboy Radio, Cosmo Radio, and Date Night on TMC, and she has been featured in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle, Wired News and was selected as one of the “Hot 20 under 40” in San Francisco by 7×7 Magazine.

She moved to San Francisco after graduating from university to work in electoral politics. After a few years, she decided to parlay her experience in politics into film. She directed and produced a documentary film about the 1999 San Francisco Mayoral election called “See How They Run.” The film was broadcast on PBS, played at film festivals around the country and even won a few awards.

She also produced and hosted shows for PBS, TMC, Court TV and Current TV and she played Caveh Zahedi’s girlfriend in his film, “I Am A Sex Addict.” She served on the board of the San Francisco Film Arts Foundation and was selected as a member of the PBS/Sundance Film Festival’s Producers’ Academy.

Emily is currently working towards her PhD in Human Sexuality at the Institute for the Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. She graduated from the University of Michigan with a degree in Psychology and studied improv at Bay Area Theater Sports (BATS) in San Francisco.

Her new new book, Hot Sex: A Graphic Guide to Sensual Pleasure will be released in September 2011.

443 COMMENTS

  1. After reading these bios, I guess I’m still trying to figure out how in the hell JA got this deal. WTF?!?!

    Something is definitely wrong with this picture.

    • I agree – she sticks out like a sore hoof.

      “One of these things is not like the other…one of these things is not the same.”

    • I think the idea is she will be the one everyone loves to hate. I don’t know why anyone is surprised, it’s not like TV rewards virtue. I mean, look at Jerry Springer and stuff. She is closer to Jerry Springer than anything she thinks she might be…

      • She has to be the antagonist, right? They were disagreeing with her (outrageous) advice already, just in this short segment. She has to have been cast as the hilarious failure – there’s no way she was not cast as some sort of foil or pathetic personality type.

        Frankly, I’m pretty damn single right now, and I can’t imagine myself taking relationship advice from any of those women, except maybe Kathie Lee. Oy vey. Why do they keep trying to sell women this shit?

    • Oh yes. Back when she had a legitimate gig at TONY. I seriously cannot wait for the dramz to unfold. I don’t think I can wait til the summer, that is assuming this thing ever sees the light of day…which it had better!

      • Also, she smells good. Um… I’ve thought that about people before, but I would never have used it as a descriptor.

      • My good friend is a prominent lady blogger, and about 4 years ago, she was describing to me her first meeting with JA wherein JA just exclaimed “YOUR NOSE IS SO SMALL!!” at her.

  2. Right? At least the other two have “accomplishments” (for lack of a better word) …a matchmaking business, a radio show, etc. but what does Le Donk have going for her? I be confused.

  3. So on August 25th, just 2 days ago, Julie writes “I absolutely LOVED writing my Social Studies column for Tribune Media Services, but we both decided that it wouldn’t work long term, so we did not renew the contract.”, but writes her show bio as if it was still an active gig? She’s such a fucking liar.

    • I know this is an old thread, but FOR THE RECORD, producers, this is her one and only byline:

      http://juliaallisonarticles.tumblr.com/post/117368317/the-afterlife-of-a-prom-gown-new-york-magazine-may

      THE AFTERLIFE OF A PROM GOWN
      NEW YORK MAGAZINE
      MAY 8, 2006
      BY JULIA ALLISON

      For city girls who identify more with the Molly Ringwald character in Pretty in Pink than with the snooty “richie” members of the prom committee, Operation Fairy Dust recycles barely used gowns. “All girls should be able to attend their prom and look fabulous—regardless of cost,” says Fairy Dust’s co-chairwoman, Megan Kerrigan. “We would rather see these girls studying for the SATs than working a part-time job to pay for their prom dress.” The charity doesn’t judge what constitutes financial need—their one-day Dress Giveaway is open to any city girl with a class of 2006 I.D. Last year, they were only able to outfit 300 girls, despite a bounty of 1,000 dresses. “There are only so many girls we can dress at a time—we don’t want it to be an assembly line,” says Kerrigan. This year, Fairy Dust has gathered an inventory of more than 2,500 gowns (plus matching purses and shoes), and is hoping to dress up more.

      A brief history of pre-owned frocks.
      What happened to the dress donors when they wore them the first time?

      Kerri Kuchta
      Job: Props for Today
      Lives: Sunnyside
      Prom: 2001, Broad Run High School in Ashburn, Virginia
      How was your prom? We took a limo, Gatorade bottles filled with vodka shoved in between our legs. Someone opened the door to puke, then there were blue lights everywhere—police! They put us in handcuffs, prom dresses and all. One girl offered the cops blow jobs to let us go.

      Lara Minch-Klass
      Job: Publicist
      Lives: Upper East Side
      Prom: 2000, Freehold High School in Freehold, New Jersey
      Describe your prom dress. Very virginal.
      Did you get lucky? Unfortunately, no. But I did get a back rub from the captain of the football team!
      Best memory: Dancing with a teacher that I had a major crush on.

      Kate Lutkus
      Job: Development associate
      Lives: Upper East Side
      Prom: 2000, Penn High School in Mishawaka, Indiana
      Best memory: The whole class made a big circle when Vitamin C’s “Graduation” came on, and everybody started crying.
      Did you get lucky?
      I couldn’t even get my date to kiss me, even though he was two inches shorter.

      Keisha Simpson
      Job: Publicist
      Lives: Mount Vernon
      Prom: 1993, Port Chester High School in Port Chester, New York
      Best memory: I remember the horse-and-carriage ride afterward. And the easy access my dress provided.
      Do you still speak to your date?
      He was a cheating liar. We don’t speak, but I do have a great little package to remember him by every day. My son is 10 years old.

  4. If my bio could be sheer fiction too, I’d be the coolest, prettiest, tiniest, most accomplished mofo in my industry.

    just… wow.

  5. Wait, what cities are these girls in? They all have like 40 listed in their bios. Plus, with all of the traveling for booty that Donks does, how is she going to describe LA dating? Plus, I don’t think this show is going to be as good if it can’t focus on just one place.

    • I agree, better if they were in the same city and could interact with each other. Who cares if dating “scenes” are different in other cities??? Besides it’s already known that NYC, LA and SF are notoriously hard so it’s going to get redundant.

      • Oh, also, the aforementioned because then she can chalk it up to the move, rather than being virtually undateable anywhere she has set up stable (or couch squatted) before. No acknowledgement of the many exes with whom she is still BESTEST BEST FRIENDS! Her former residences/dates/job have all moved to Guam. So sad.

      • so the full title of the show is “Miss Advised and the Find-a-Man Roadshow (2012 redux)”?

      • Exactly. She moved because she didn’t want to be filmed living in her parents’ apartment in her hometown city where she nonetheless has no friends and can’t find a date.

        At least she can chalk her lack of friends and dates in LA up to being new in town.

      • Might be easier to spin her lack of an IRL social network if she’s in a new town rather than try to explain why she has no friends in the town she grew up in. Hahahahahaha.

        • I think you’re bang on here.
          It’s a great to cover up her lack of friends, meaningful connections and meaningful work. She’s the new girl in town struggling to find her way in the wacky world of LA.

          Who can turn the world off with her bray?
          Who can fake an important career and make it seems like she works all day?
          It’s you, Donk and we all know it.
          With each fib and every major falsehood you show it
          Lies are all around,you just can’t stop it
          You can’t tell the truth, you just can’t take it
          You’re gonna fake it after all
          You’re gonna fake it after all

  6. Donkey dating in LA has to be some kind of intentional brew of televisual hijinks? I am from the west coast originally, and there is no one who sticks out MORE in any west coast scene than this bumpkin. Seriously. It’s going to be a trainwreck.

    Her brand of trainwreck is RHoNJ, point finale.

    • I wonder about this too. Lately she does nothing that could be misconstrued as “work.” And no, Donkey, tweeting and posting dozens of photos to Facebook is not a job.

      • Unless those lousy lying economists have been misleading us about employment numbers, because by JABa’s standards, 800 million FB users and 175 million twitter users all have the same job as her! Which means they are all social media experts too! And are therefore qualified to write internationally syndicated columns and have reality shows focused on getting advertisers to give them free stuff!

        • I don’t think Randi is that stupid. She’s stupid enough to hang out with A Donkey, but I don’t think she’s stupid enough to hire her—she has seen the lazy and crazy first hand.

  7. “Since 2005, her popular and controversial column has been published in newspaper AM New York and Time Out New York magazine.”???

    That’s a bit like saying Bill Clinton has been President since 1992.

  8. Watched the video on mute. Her face is so fucked. So puffy. And, as always, her head is enormous when next to normal head-sized people. The hair doesn’t look bad, although it seems like Emily has a similar auburn sheen to her hair so they don’t look that different to me.

    • I like the new color of Donkey’s mane better than any other I’ve seen on her.

      Amy Laurent looks to be one harsh & bitter bitch, which I’d love in a roommate for Donkey, but what’s this noise about each re-re-pert living in a different city?

      Emily, I really like, but I wish she’d un-pinch her voice, cuz that high pitch is grating my last nerve almost as bad as Donkey’s braying laugh.

  9. I’m on my phone so I can’t upload the screen grab, but on FB everyone’s congratulating her on the Today show appearance and JA replies “I’m not used to people being nice to me like this. I usually wake up to tweets about how I’m an ugly and old loser”

    I still think she’s awful, but this made me feel kinda bad for her. She has no clue what’s coming once this show airs.

      • Well it worked. She’s a shitty person, but I can’t imagine how hard it is to have hundreds of strangers making fun of your looks and failure of a life every day. Guess I’m just a big softie.

        • are you new here? If you don’t want people posting about your looks, then don’t post 10,000 pictures and videos and blah-gs about yourself in faux photo shoots and posed glam shots and contorted “candid” shots!

          ALL HER PICTURES ARE OF HER!!! ALL 2700 of them on FB!

          • No. I’m not new. But I feel sorry for her because it’s becoming more apparent to me just how damaged and painfully insecure she is. Sure she posts a million pix of herself and does shit to her face which opens her up to insults about her appearance, but I see it as very sad. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel bad for someone you dislike. She’s a pathetic person who’s clearly painfully unhappy. Doesn’t absolve her of being a shitty person. That’s just how I feel.

          • She’s not only desperately trying to become famous, she’s trying to be admired and envied. And part of that fantasy is that women envy her looks.

            Too bad she waaaaay overdid the cosmetic work. I’m more than a decade her senior and I get Restylane in my n/l folds (canyons is more accurate), and NOBODY KNOWS! That’s because I go for subtle and pay for a top doctor, and don’t expect miracles.

        • Erg, she has posted 2700+ pictures of herself on FB, specifically to elicit gushing compliments … and she has gotten many many many compliments as a result. Same deal on twitter, vimeo, etc. On FB she got a dubious follower dump of thousands, courtesy of her very close pal and enabler, attention-whore twin Randi Zuckerberg, and subsequently got that many more (mostly) guys to salivate over every picture she posts.
          So, this is clearly a calculated manipulative pity ploy and no doubt meant to tie-in with her current life as a reality bottom feeder, establishing her character arc. (ugh)
          Don’t let yourself get played.

          • And after all that she’s still unhappy with her looks. Sad. How am I getting played? That’s my opinion, you don’t have to agree with me.

          • Okay, sure. You see her unhappiness with her looks as sad and that causes you to feel bad for her. I think I get it.
            Whereas I see it her obsession with appearance (reinforced by her choice to post 1000s of pictures of herself) as superficial, calculated, soulless … and ultimately, lazy. As I’ve written before, in Texas it’s called “all hat, no beef”.

          • She actually believes that she looks hot, and the “woe is me, strangers call me ugly” is just trolling for compliments.

        • I used to feel sorry for her — but she is actively choosing to be an “online presence” over and over again. She’s had the opportunity, on multiple occasions, to do valuable work quietly and without fanfare. She refuses. She wants to be rewarded for being herself — all while telling herself she’s “accomplished” something.

        • Wow, if only there were some way she could address those issues. OH WAIT HOW ABOUT BY NOT BEING SUCH A HORRENDOUS NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE WHO POSTS 700+ PHOTOS OF HERSELF ON HER FACEBOOK AND HAS FAKE “FASHION SHOOTS” FOR HERSELF?

          HOW ABOUT BY ACTUALLY DOING ONE OF THE JOBS SHE WORKS HER CONNECTIONS TO GET INSTEAD OF JUST HALF-ASSING IT AND GETTING FIRED?

      • seriously; all she’s after is sympathy. Her faux self-effacement is laughable.

        This is as silly as all the Randi “OMG U WERE IN THE NYT WAY 2 GO” (did you read the fucking article??)

    • I am now a Kathie Lee Gifford fan! Her comment about trophy vs treasure was spot-on. And blowfish just sat there with that self-satisfied, STUPID-ASS grin on her freakishly fat face because she’s too stupid to know that she’s just been insulted.

  10. Just watched the video. A few notes:

    – Her hair looks pretty good. I think Bravo hired a stylist and this is no work of our Donkey
    – Her clothing, not bad. Also, I think the work of a Bravo stylist.
    – Her face… god her face. What. The. Fuck. She looks like a muppet. No, seriously, I think she was made in the Jim Henson workshop. Jason Segal wants to work with her.

    Her faces looks more fucked up than usual and SOOO much make up. Also she can’t help but talk over everyone.

    • While her outfit looked fine for being out and about today, the boots looked awkward in the studio, especially next to two tiny women in high heels.

      • I think the boots looks stupid, but less stupid than her usual shoes. Which makes me think some stylist was thinking “how can I cover up her oddly shaped legs?”.

    • she used to just steamroll over Meg and Mare, but these two, esp Emily, aren’t going to be as easy to talk over.

      • Emily speaks for a living nearly every day. She will not be steamrolled… She’s good at what she does and has an appreciative audience. I’ll assume for now that she’s appealing/not heinous and is not deserving of a dedicated site of Type A-Haters.

        Amy doesn’t look like she’s in the mood for Donkey dung at all.

        Being Donkey must be a nightmare. At one point she was a “talking head” for Star? She must be really rusty from being REALLY effing lazy. “Spanish Interrogation”… the retardation, it stings. Bish plz.

    • Those boots are several kinds of wrong.

      I’m sorry everyone, I could only tolerate about 60 seconds or so. The sound of five women talking on top of one another makes my ears bleed. That said, some observations:
      – Emily seems sweet and actually knowledgeable. Of the three, it’s clear she has the most experience talking to an audience.
      – Amy seems as bitchy & unlikeable as Donk
      – Julia is dumb. What is she talking about? She could have jumped in with, say, social media best practices (her alleged expertise, oh wait I should relax because that was only from March until September of this year) instead of this Rules bullshit that came & went five years ago. And ‘Relationship Columnist’? Not since…early 2009? At a job she was fired from?

    • None of the ladies are particularly appealing and certainly not worth Bravo’s investment. Yarg, those voices…..
      and of course Julia has to go on about how busy she is, her career, men don’t think she has time/room for a relationship, bla bla bla.

      • … which is why she moves herself into their dwellings before they’ve even had a chance to object to the donkey stains on the carpet.

    • I kinda like Emily Morse, she’s got a cute face, pretty voice, seems quite grounded, isn’t squeamish about sex, and looks like she wouldn’t mind watching a game or two on the boobtube. It’s like she’s the bizzaro version of JabberDonkey.

    • The person in the middle, Laurent or whatever her name is, doesn’t sound very nice at all. I wish they had put them in the same city, it be far more interesting.

    • sorry, i don’t see it. that emily morse seems like a knockout to me. what do you find off-putting?

      (now back to snarking.)

    • Emily Morse actually seems muy interesante. What am I missing? I haven’t seen much of her or heard her radio show other than the 2 minutes JABa was on that one time.

      JABa and the other one are pretty off-putting, though.

  11. TEE HEE #humblebrag!

    @JuliaAllison
    That photo is almost Warholian!! @aj82lo – @JuliaAllison on the Today show! :] yfrog.com/esi2dklj
    3 minutes ago Favorite

  12. The boots…no. Can’t believe she didn’t bust out the YSLs.

    I only watched the first two minutes in which JA tried to pretend she plays hard to get and doesn’t obsessively target men. Good for a laugh. I CAN NOT WAIT FOR THIS SHOW.

    Also, how the fuck did she get on this? The other women have a lot more going on.

  13. My favorite part is the made up questions. The first one (I’ve only made it that far) is in a new message box. Sure, they could want to protect people’s privacy, but there’s a bigger chance that they are employing the JA question & comment method — making shit up.

    • I know, really. Audiences have got to be getting stupider by the hour. With all this faking it, I feel left out not having sock-puppet sycophants of my ownses to tell the lead in to my every joke and feign interest through fawning questions as I sit on the toilet pontificating: “This is all very interesting, but what are CurlingIrons’ thoughts on the OccupyBallSacks’ movement?” Well, now that you ask, let me tell you…

  14. Did Julia do something new to her teeth? She seems almost unable to close her lips over them. If I had a penis, it would probably retract into my body with a little yelp when faced with teeth like those.

    • This is amazing. I want to use it on my personal Tumblr for “bishplz” faces but then everyone would know I’m a cat lady and I’ll start getting “cease and declaw copymeow” letters.

        • Why is she leaning in during an open discussion? I hate when people do that. It feels like they’re literally trying to push their conversation on me.

          • Sometimes I think the leaning-in is subconscious body language of those who constantly impose their will on others, clearly a Donkey trait, but she may have self-inflicted tinnitus too, cuz if her ears are in proportion to her ginormous head, there’s no reason she isn’t hearing silent dog whistles.

        • OMG hilarious….look at all the crazy body movements and hand gestures, while the other two give her “bitch please” looks and keep their hands in their laps.

    • Wish I could get it to embed.
      [img]http://i.picasion.com/pic45/a3f0771a202b1e455c3132ca25c6640f.gif[/img]

          • not fat, just huge, and that’s funny because JA is pretty short IRL

            I mentioned earlier that the only person I know who’d NOT look big next to that Emily girl is that allie lotta love whatever from burning man (that Indian girl who needs a sammich)

          • Look at the pictures a few threads ago, where she was only 19. Homegirl has always had a gianormo head, and only made it worse by filling the fuck out of it. It’s like attaching hot air balloons to a blow-up doll. It has nothing to do with body-snark, and everything to do with filler-snark.

            Again, had she been patient enough to outgrow her awkward years she might have aged into a normal 30 year old with a certain ‘character.’ Instead she decided to shoot the shit out, and scrape-away portions of her still developing face before the age of 30, and what she gets is the two-decades-too-soon midlife crisis mess you see here.

        • These women ARE very petite. It makes an average height Donkey appear to be Liv Tyler size by comparison. Must annoying someone if their sacred purpose in life is to be “tiny” and “cute”…

          • Ahem. Donkey has an IMDB page and it lists her as 5’41/2.

            I love the ‘1/2’ because it carries the weight of her own touch. “Umm, excuse me NYT, I am 5’4 AND A HALF.”

            She needs to face it — she is tiny, but thick. There is NOTHING wrong with that. It is her own insistence of making ‘tiny and cute’/look at me in a tutu/wearing stripper heels to hide my midget stumps/PLEASE TELL ME I AM PRETTTTTTY! shit that makes it all stand out.

  15. Is this really what women think men find attractive? He wants to be a hunter? He doesn’t want to answer questions? Or talk about his feelings?
    WHO ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? Tucker Max? Their ‘how to land a man’ advice is steering them tragically in the wrong direction… which I guess is the genius of Bravo Andy. What have these washed ups signed on for!?? I’m so hoping this gets the GO.

    • Check out EM face during this exchange, its pure disgust. EM advice about “well if he doesn’t like a secure and career minded woman, then he probably isn’t right for you” is spot on.

    • It is just so backwards. I’ve dated plenty of dudes who were into talking and “sharing” way more than I was. And I’ve dated dudes who couldn’t have cared less if I called or texted the next day — they were happy to hear from me. I really don’t believe that the men of this generation, many of them the sons of feminist women who worked and possibly dated if they were single mothers, still believe this bullshit. I just have never encountered them. If a guy is into you, he’s into you, he’s not going to care if you violate a “rule.”

      Emily seemed to be trying to make that point when a Donkey wasn’t braying. She’s the only sane one of the three, if you ask me.

      • I broke all the rules that the donkey preaches (called him, banged him right away, was available for instant hangouts) and we’ve been together for the last 50 months.

        Donkey, no matter how many rules you follow, you’ll still be batshits. Boys don’t want to date you, beacause a) you call them boys, and b) following rules doesn’t hide your cray cray. I mean you stuff your hair into a handbag (what up!), for fuck’s sake.

        • Exactly. Men aren’t that complicated. If they like you, they’ll call right away and if you call them right away, they’ll be thrilled to hear from you. If they don’t like you, they won’t call you and they’ll be distant if you call them. If that’s the case, you just move right along. Pretty easy to fucking figure out. This whole “they love the hunt!” bullshit is so antiquated. She’s such a game-player herself that she can’t fathom that most people don’t turn every fucking interaction with the opposite sex into a chess game.

          • I don’t enjoy the hunt, games, or any of that.. If two people like each other it will happen naturally. There’s no “trick” to it, and no more rules than what normal healthy interactions with other humans would dictate.

          • I agree – the rules are bullshit. They’re only rules for people that have little to no redeeming qualities in their personalities and thus need to obfuscate or smokescreen to get past someone’s initial gut feeling – as in “Is this guy a serial killer or is he actually OK?” If I was into a girl – and, you know, wasn’t married – I would call her when I wanted to and would LOVE.IT if she called me. Because then I’d know she wanted to get biz-zay!

          • seems like all her “rules” bullshit is because she is not intelligent or secure enough to go with the flow and just interact like a normal non-control-freak human being. see also: a BAJILLION staged photos of candid!fun!moments!!!! she is so afraid of herself and her behaviors… which is why she is doing a reality tv show, obviously…

            god. the amount of $$ she has probably already dropped on creating a facade of a life and wardrobe and friend circle for the express purposes of this show are mind boggling. think how much therapy she could have bought instead.

          • Second date for the catwife and I…together 8 years, married for three.

            Well, I guess it was really our first SOLO date.

        • @idiotbox, same here, we didn’t play games or do any bullshit like that at all, and we’re happily married. Pre-expiration date, even!

          • Me too–my huscat and I went All The Way on our 1st date and 7 yrs later, we’re going strong. Good luck donks. Playing or not playing by “the rules” isn’t the problem here. You are.

          • Same here. Somehow without using the rules as training wheels, or even thinking I had to know them before I broke them, landed me and the hubby together for almost 14 years now (with admittedly a rough patch or two). We’re together because we want to be together, not because either of us manipulated the other one in some twisted game. Also, “the real myself” isn’t a stalker, neither is himself. Maybe that helped, too, way back in the courtship stage. It ain’t that complicated.

          • i’m a slut too YOO HOO! my huscat and I humped on the sofa after a few too many drinks (OMG I mean sips)

            total sluts

            still together 10 years later!

          • [img]http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/5/20/slutcatsluts128557766370732175.jpg[/img]

        • idiotbox — I broke all the rules, too. I have an awesome dudebrah now, and I don’t think it would have mattered a bit if I’d played it any other way. He’d have waited if I wanted, and he gave in when I ripped his clothes off. Adults don’t need to play games, in general, but especially not when they’ve met their match.

          • This. If you like each other and the timing is right, everything will feel pretty natural. If you are playing games, you’re not ready for a serious relationship and/or something isn’t right between the two of you. Move on. It’s really that simple.

            Now, if you’re in it only for the dinners/getting laid/having someone to go places with etc, that may be different. Not wanting to lead someone on is fair, but a little honesty about what you’re looking for, especially if it’s not much, seems best, no?

          • She adheres to “the rules” and plays games because she’s all about hiding her inner, true hosebeast in order to “catch” a man. She also goes nutso when she’s inevitably dumped because, try as she might, she can’t keep her “true self” (stalker) restrained for too long.

            Her relationship “acting” ability is like her work ethic – she’ll make an attempt for a little while, but eventually the demands of keeping up the facade become too much for her. The guys she dates and is involved with catch on to this and attempt to back slowly out of the room, but as we’ve seen with a donkey, she is relentless in her pursuit of them after they’ve long since called it quits. She actually feels betrayed when they move on beyond her because she so badly wants to be the rom-com “one that got away” when she’s more like “the one that I ran screaming into the night from, and thank god for that”.

            I definitely feel bad for donkey sometimes because she is so sad and so transparent.

        • I don’t even know the rules. I’ve been with my catman going on 7 years now. He called me the next day after our first date and hell yes i was available for smoochies. Why fight chemistry?

          • This is what I have to say about the 3 of them giving advice on dating.

            Lloyd Dobler: I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you’re here at like the Gas ‘n’ Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?

            Joe: By choice, man.

  16. Whenever I find myself getting frustrated that she never seems to get the big comeuppance she deserves, whenever I get disgusted by her smug attitude following perceived “victories,” whenever I wonder why she seems to get away with lying about 99% of the things in her life including the most mundane, granular elements of her day, whenever I get a severe case of the ragies at the failure of karma to give her the one, huge, swift boot in the ass she deserves, I look at her face. And I find inner peace.

    Her face. There is nothing she can do about it. She is well on her way to Wildenstein territory and this train can’t be stopped. At age 40 she is going to be a hideously, grotesque looking person. Maybe much sooner.

    And nothing in her sociopathic, narcissistic bag of tricks will be help hide or avoid the fact that she is hideous to look at, and its all of her own making.

    • Here’s the thing, and this is why I have compassion for her, or at least have tried to muster some sort of sympathy for her in the past: I’m no fan of body snark. BUT, the plastic surgery that she elected was all wrong for her, and her surgeon(s) didn’t stop her. $$$, tis a business after all. She has always seemed to be obsessed with beauty. Better looking than Lodwick, probably used to get cat calls etc… This inflated her ego. But let’s face it, a lot of guys would bang a broom stick if a vagina was attached to it. Her doctor(s) suck. They knew she would pay with a credit card (easy money!), they knew she would come back for more and as a repeat ‘customer’, and they knew she was insecure. Yet they still kept adding: augmenting, botoxing, juvederming, chinning, nose-ing. They should be ashamed, because there is no way in hell they could look at a before/after and feel that they have ‘improved’ her appearance. This is why you only go to the top of the top, the best of the best, even if getting an appointment will be months and months away. She was impulsive, and needed it right then and there (NPD).
      I say this not out of vitriol for JA, honestly because (full disclosure) my best friend had a lot of work done. She’s terribly unhappy with the results. Multiple nose jobs, chin implant, fillers, regular botox, etc. She was obsessed with celebrities and their images. She truly thought she would create her own perfect celebrity face, and she’d be happy. (sounds like JA, no?) I happen to work with many celebrities and I have to say: They are actually better looking in person. Most people feel this isn’t true, but it is. Sans make-up, sans hair, they look… stunning. There just happens to be a certain face that the camera likes. Certain faces capture light and angles better than most. This is why most actresses/actors of this world never make it to the big time, their proportions just aren’t right for the camera. A casting director will never admit this. The sad thing for Julia is, she didn’t know this beforehand. She went in with an idea of what she wanted to look like, but her idea was from a photo or a still from a camera shot (both of which distort). She picked features out of a magazine and said, This One, to her surgeon. Problem is, a photo adds bloat to the facial features – hence why celebs have (in general) very small features in real life. She wanted to look like the picture, which adds pounds, even to the face. She wanted the photo end product, when in fact what she did was double the on-camera distortion. Now her face looks bloated x2. It’s nearly impossible to go back, you can only keep it up.

      • Exactly. If she had left her face alone, or just worked on the asymmetries of her nose and chin, she’d be a pleasant, cute-looking woman who looked 30.

        Now she looks like a desperate former starlet of 50+ who is vainly trying to hang on to a youthful appeal.

        The Verschlimmbesserung, as the Germans have it (thank you fig!)—the supposed improvement that actually makes things worse.

        • hmmmm haven’t solidified my halloween costume yet… “desperate former starlet of 50+” sounds kind of fun! thanks for the inspiration, albie.

      • Also, it seems that some people’s faces and bodies just don’t take well to plastic surgery, while others’ do. I don’t know if there’s a way to predict what will happen beforehand, but either way I agree her doctors saw her (daddy’s wallet) coming. The surgeons I’m friends with require a psychologist to sign off on you before you get elective plastic surgery — is that standard?

        • There are medically-necessary procedures* that require psychological clearance, so I can see why elective plastic surgery of the invasive persuasion could & should require it also, but I really don’t know.

          *It may focus on procedures that include implantation of FDA-approved DME (durable medical equipment) since part of the overall goal is to avoid explantation surgery.

        • Yes! And evidence suggests there is no way to know beforehand. Some people can take it and others just cannot. Seems like a good reason not to do it unless it’s correcting something much worse. Or unless you are truly seeing the best of the best (Dr. Bobby not so much!).

      • Thanks for this! I have been saying this about her for ages, but only from the armchair, not much IRL experience beyond modelling as a teen. I have seen some faces, let me tell you. And they are born like that.

        She never had a face for the camera like a proper celeb and filling and cutting was never going to make that happen! She would have been better off just leaving it alone after the first round of work after college (or just leaving it alone, period), and actually putting the work in as a writer. She could have been at the same place she is now (reality tv) and not actually have been fired from all her gigs.

        I agree, the PS is SAD.

  17. Maybe it’s my status as a natural redhead or my monitor settings but her hair does not look red or chestnut or anything but a lighter brown to me.

      • One advantage to Donkey never washing the pelts: Red tones won’t fade as fast on her as what the average hygienic person would experience.

        • heeheee. so true. i also think this shade flatters her much more than the morticia look she had going on. so, well done ryan darIus?

  18. Snores-ville.

    Also, this is how you know it’s all really a lie: “While the Experts are in different cities, they are all at a similar place in their lives. So in each episode we’ll see them all tackle the same relationship issue – in their column or on their show… and in their personal lives.” Really???? None of me and my 2 best friends have ever been in the same place in our relationships at the same time.

    And also, since Donk can never keep a man past 3 dates, are they going to just keep exploring that she ruins everything EVERY episode????

    STUPID.

    • While I’m kinda unknowing about how reality television works, I’m guessing this isn’t Frederick Wiseman fly-on-a-wall style documenting. Don’t the producers often have a role in directing the “plot”? And with that comes people (i.e. dates) essentially hired to date a Donkey?

      • Sure, I just don’t think they are doing themselves any favors by limiting themselves like this “Okay, everyone has to have the same problem with their man at the SAME TIME!!!!”

        I’m not going to say how I’d make it better – I just want to see it for a few episodes and then die a horrible death, is all.

        • I took it as an individual writing about the issue she is currently experiencing, so they could each have a different issue at the same time.
          #donkeydonkeydonkeydonkeydonkey

  19. Julia Allison is an…
    …internationally syndicated columnist = NO
    …television personality = NO
    …Internet entrepreneur = TRIPLE NO
    ….public speaker = NOT REALLY
    …and unabashed social media junkie = YES

    The last bit (social media junkie) is just a joke but every other job she claims is a LIE.

  20. I think Julia has been cast as the sad joke.

    Emily is likeable, sassy and cute.

    Amy is bitchy, business like and no-nonsense.

    Julia is desperate, loud, annoying and sad.

    So, there you go! 3 different characters for the show.

    • I agree with this. I think they cast her as the comic relief. She’s the Snooki, except much nastier (in the metaphysical rather than physical sense.)

  21. I know people have said this left and right but I have to repeat HOLY EFFING EFF HER FACE. Especially when they pan from Emily to her. HOOOOOOOLY shit.

  22. Just noticed the video is up on TodayShow.com and thought I’d post some shots from their introductions before I watched the rest of it 🙂

    Emily Morse
    [img]http://i.imgur.com/QLqoh.png[/img]

    Amy Lawrence
    [img]http://i.imgur.com/ogZcC.png[/img]

    Julia Allison
    [img]http://i.imgur.com/jaw4f.png[/img]

        • The hair is almost what bugs me the most! The bump there on her head. It’s like a Mini-Snooki. It gives me the dads.

          • It’s like she still has a curler in that was meant to give some lift (but eventually be removed).

            You know what? Her scalp is probably magenta so they couldn’t do any kind of part.

          • Yes, I hate the bumpit thing. Why the bobby pin mullet?

            Emily definitely fared best at the hands of the makeup and hair folks.

            How old is Amy Laurent? She looks like she’s over 40, but then so does A Donkey.

        • I like the color (but not the pelty pelts). But, I am partial to reddish hair.

        • I like her hair too. I think it’s pretty close to her natural color, which suits her. And the styling & make-up are pretty good too. I think it was done by their hair & make-up people, not her. Puffy face aside, she looks younger here than she has in a long time.

    • To me, Donkey somehow looks better.
      I didn’t say better = good, BTW.
      But she also looks ‘better’ than Amy Laurent, IMO.

      • yeah Amy Laurent looks like Alexis Neely. And that’s not a compliment, considering Alexis used to look like this:

        [img]http://alexisneely.com/uploads/images/alexis/482027806_tcERV_M.jpg[/img]

    • This may be ageist of me, but they all look… old. Not old in an “omgpastexpirationdate” type way, but old like “rode hard … several times” old.

      Not to offend some of you older catladies (I’m 23), but I wouldn’t want to watch a bunch of haggard spinsters try to find love.

      Jules just looked “special”.

      • I hear you – that’s kind of what I was getting at above. They all look like they’ve been around the block a few times. And frankly they all sound rather bitter.

      • Who I’d want to at least hear / maybe take advice from is someone who exudes sex appeal, which can & usually does transcend the age thing.

        On the other hand, relationship advice from someone who has almost as many restraining orders as she does exes? Not so much.

        Too bad the didn’t put RM DA FUUUCK on this show!

        • I think Emily comes closest to being likeable, credible, and candid and is least likely to spew a bunch of Rules-type horseshit. I think because of that, her age didn’t cross my mind. Amy, however, looks hardened and angry and therefore old and questionable. Julia’s age is indeterminate because of her obvious cosmetic/surgical work, which gives off a strong “trying way too hard” vibe. Also, she’s dumb.

          • Dumb is right…what the hell is “the Spanish interrogation” anyway…Oh, yes, she must mean the Spanish Inquisition!

      • I was going to say exactly the same thing! They do look a little too old to be playing this role. I don’t think you will get to see this show, or at least a full season. It just doesn’t seem like it will test well. I could see EM get her own gig, but NOT the other two.

      • Well, that’s kind of the point of the show—that these supposed relationship experts can’t make relationships work in their own lives. It wouldn’t be as high stakes unless they were over 30.

        • I feel like Julia sees the premise of this show as a sexy, somewhat bumbling single girl in a new city and looking for love, and really it’s to poke fun at women who give dating advice but remain incompetent in their personal lives and are approaching their OMG EXPIRATION DATES.

    • All three of them look like they are mid-40s, and I say that as a woman in her mid-40s.

      I don’t understand why anyone thought this show was a good idea. I don’t think these hags are not going to appeal to any segment of the Bravo audience.

      • YES. The other two look older because they’re too thin or tanned too much. JABs looks old because she’s f’d with her face so much.

        • Morse is 41, which actually surprises me; I would have thought mid-thirties. She certainly looks younger than A Donkey.

          • Yes, for some reason finding this out is just making me more Team Emily than ever. Even though I don’t like her show so much. You rock your 40s, gwurl!

          • I would’ve guessed early 30s. And she looks gorgeous, IMO. I have no idea if she’s a nice and good person or not, but lookswise? Very attractive. Julia is going to look really ridiculous by comparison. Emily is 10 yrs older and looks 10 yrs younger.

    • Julia’s skin looks different. Kinda more tight. Must have just gotten some fresh injectables.

    • Julia got her teeth shaved down, and something else. Her overbite has been changed in some way.

    • Oh silly. Relationship columnists don’t actually have to be the writers of an actual relationship column or have it published anywhere; they are relationship columnists simply because that’s what tell people they are.
      Today I’ve decided that I’m an astronaut. No I don’t currently work for NASA, or run my own space agency, I don’t even own a working rocketship, but feel free to relax because those details are so retro old school and totally don’t matter. Hope I cleared that up for ya.

  23. I can’t believe how puffy her face is. I’m guessing she had some fresh work done for the show? And holy talking over people! The other 2 girls don’t seem like they’ll have a lot of patience for her b.s.

    Thank God for the tipsters. It’s like Christmas in October.

    My cathus is a saint and recorded it for me. Can’t wait to watch it in HD. I was telling him about their show. He gave me the usual, ‘yeah, yeah. Don’t care.’ He did say the other 2 girls were really cute. I asked what he thought about Julie. ‘Meh. Nothing to write home about it.’ LOL.

    • my fav is when she tries to talk with sausage snappers ready to go, then has to physyically shut herself off because someone else is talking. I can see her trying soooo hard.

  24. THE SPANISH INTERROGATION!!! ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHLOL1L1L1L1L1L1L1L111111!!!!!!

  25. So I guess if Bravo trots Julia Allison out on shows for 6 months before her reality show as a “relationship expert” then she’s a relationship expert.

    Oh, I see. (eye roll)

  26. This show is going to last MAX three episodes. I cannot even imagine a more dull premise for a show (“Three nobodies DATE PEOPLE!!!!!! AND TALK ABOUT IT!!!!”) Also, I’m trying to wrap my head around the possibility that ANYONE who knows this trainwreck hose beast IRL asks her for dating advice. LOL!!! Okay.

    • She knows it, everyone else knows it – she’s the poster child for what not to do during dating. And I saw this as someone who dates and fucks up dating a lot. She is absolutely the worst “dater” I have ever seen, full stop.

    • Bravo typically doesn’t take poor performing shows off the air during their run. They just don’t renew them for more seasons.

      • Is that right? Do we know how many episodes they are doing? I just…cannot imagine almost ANYONE watching this. I”m shocked this got the green light. It’s mind-boggling. It sounds so damn boring and unappealing to anyone.

        Also can I just ask, WTF is a relationship expert? Do you have an advanced degree in psychology or clinical social work or the like? Then you aren’t a fucking relationship expert. Writing a few shitty columns no one read doesn’t count.

      • This sounds correct, as they aired that Most Eligible Dallas crap for a full, albeit short, season. Didn’t they also air that Miami Confidential bullcrap? Never saw it, but heard it was awful.

        The real question is, will Bravo promote the show, give it a strong lead-in, and give it a prime 9 or 10pm EST slot with a 11pm or midnight re-airing, plus a weekend repeat? Probably not. They have too many other shows, even in the summer.

  27. The other really funny thing that this clip reveals is what I’ve long suspected about all reality shows: the participants are so aware of the expectations of themselves that they are actually just doing a new form of improvisational acting.

    Think about the weirdness of the Jersey Shore crew. After the first season they were all so well-known that the “reality” aspect quickly dried up. It was now a show, not about guidos at the beach, but about celebrities from a strange fringe subculture forced into little episodes (a trip here, a trip there).

    Same with the Real World and all these Real Housewives shows. The participants have now watched those franchises for year, know what’s acceptable and mimic that behavior, and, occasionally, tweak it.

    Julia and her new crew are laying a role. She has no qualms about pretending to have a job as a columnist. The utter lack of integrity involve din lying about that stuff doesn’t seem to bother her in the least. She would knowingly put herself and all her friends and family up for embarrassment and ridicule if it means having the spotlight. Somewhere she knows that for 99.99 percent of realty show participants, being on the show is a gateway to absolutely nothing. No money. No future. No nothing. Now, maybe she thinks she’ll be the .001 percent that launches her own vitamin water line or powdered margarita drink. But actually, I think the fact that it goes nowhere and means nothing doesn’t matter to her. The sudden shot of fleeting attention is enough. This is what it looks like to be a person who will do anything for fame.

    • If I were her exes I’d be shitting because she is going to trot their pictures out like nobodies business… she needs to prove she’s had success on some relationship front. If I were Jack McCain’s family I’d be drawing up a cease and desist ASAP!

      • “Hello Ms Allison, this is Jack McCain’s lawyer calling.”
        “Hahahaha, oh you’re so hysterical, Megan!! What’s up, slut???”

      • I brought up yesterday that Emily and Julie supposedly dated the same dude at different points…

        However, I do not know a single man whom Emily has dated. Why? Because only someone as screwed up and insane as JA feels the need to issue press-releases about which F-list tail she is chasing.

        She probably creams herself a little every time some article mentions her as “one time” dalliance/date/girlfriend of just about any man she knows (KRose, Lod, TK, Jack, Scobie, Harold Ford), but how truly sad it is that anyone even KNOWS that? It is sad for the man, who didn’t expect to see her name stitched to his for a one month (and two date) stint in the green snapdragon. What she doesn’t see is that it is sad for her, too. It makes her look so desperate (for attention, and for the lengths she goes to get it) and so discarded (look, another guy who dumped you swiftly and wishes you’d go away.)

        Man.

          • I’ve decided you need to hire a hooker, because your testo-imbalance is throwing the entire board out of whack. So go whack and come back, son. You’re like a pre-teen with his first dirty mag.

    • I agree with you completely. I think she no more minds this gig going nowhere than she minds flying in planes going nowhere; launching relationships that are dead from the beginning; performing brief, meaningless, pedestrian activities like dressing up for Fashion Week and calling it ‘work.’ The real world means nothing to her.

  28. Oof, she canNOT catch a break. From a story on Gawker regarding Sean Parker’s engagement:

    “After a brief apparent dalliance with lifecaster turned syndicated columnist Julia Allison—at least one witness spotted the enamored pair kissing at the Manhattan restaurant The Lion in October—Parker then took up with his soon-to-be-fiancée that same month.”

  29. That was so painful to watch. So. Painful.

    Loving the Twitter exchange between Joy Engel (?) and Veronica Belmont — you know, the host of real shows and an accomplished, beautiful woman in tech who actually belongs on the cover of Wired. Just sayin’.

    • Well, remember that A Donkey was on the cover of WIRED for being famous for nothing. It was hardly a puff piece.

    • that exchange between joy and veronica is (to borrow a donkey-ism) HYSTERICAL!

      • To be fair, I thought the one who spoke the least – Amy – spewed the anti-feminist nonsense. “A woman can’t call a guy.”

        Julia – she just throws something out there without making a point. A guy she’s dating says it’s clear she doesn’t have time for a relationship because she’s ignoring him 100% because she’s career-obsessed. OK, fine, that’s makes sense. Could happen the same the other way around. So what’s the conclusion? Maybe it’s just best for certain people not be in relationships? Whatever that conclusion might have been, Emily at least responds that Julia is talking about something else.

        The “you have to know the rules to break them” is similarly lightweight. How about an example?

        Julia didn’t say much else other than that.

        • The only one that made a meaningful contribution to that farce was Kathie Lee Gifford. The three points she made: 1. your advice seems outdated, 2. sometimes just a hug will do, and 3. sounds like you want a trophy not a treasure, were bang on. Jacy called it before it even began.
          Team Kathie Lee!

        • It’s true. She rambles pointlessly and sometimes it’s hard to even follow her. You know why? Because she doesn’t even really listen to the questions being asked. All she hears is the voice in her head telling her TALK TALK TALK TALK.

  30. TV was good. She look funny. I like right side face. Cheek like balloon. She talks much. Other girl get mad.

  31. I don’t comment often, except for when random Nick Bilton related tragedies occur in my friend family, or when Donkey trampses through my friends’ BM circles (suprisingly often!), but when I do, may I officially request a name change from “age appropriate tutu” (lame anyhow) to “the spanish interrogation”? I laughed so hard when I saw that. Unfortunately, I was in the library…during midterms. The looks, oh the looks were priceless. The name must be mine, yes?

    • I staked my claim in the previous post, and it looks like someone else started using it in this one. Understandable, since it’s one of the most awesomely embarrassing gaffes she’s made, and jesus she’s made a lot.

      • Eh, I’ll give her a pass for that. You get nervous, your brain malfunctions, stupid stuff comes out.

        Awesomely embarrassing is promoting a product while you’re a highly visible spokesperson for a competitor….

        • But she would never do that!
          Oh … wait.
          But but … it’s almost as ridiculous as if she was to use a vodka company as her personal sponsor. Oh … double wait.

  32. Here’s the thing.
    This one post has well over 200 comments.
    Julia’s blog, where all her many fans congregate, gets no comments, one or two, at most a handful on her assorted posts.
    Where are all these women/friends asking her for dating advice when she’s not working? On her blog? No. They’re not there. When she’s on the job, writing a column that doesn’t actually exist? Well, that’s not possible is it?
    So if she’s wondering why people sometimes have a negative reaction to her various exploits, that right there is an easy place to get a clue.
    Rule 1: Be authentic.

      • Ha! But according to Miss Baugher herself, email is passé, only the irritating olds use it; the interactions that matter take place on twitter, FB.
        Except there’s no stampede of followers/friends seeking her advice on those platforms either.

      • Remember when she used to give weekly updates on how many emails she had in her inbox and how badly she wanted to “declare email bankruptcy”? She hasn’t done that in a long time, has she?

    • In this clip, I didn’t find Julia coming across as inauthentic just because she really didn’t make any points for herself to go back on. She throws things out there without taking them to their conclusion, or (re. the dressing her man thing) she tries to frame it as a joke (funny or not).

      And the “Spanish interrogation” point isn’t saying anything controversial either – don’t give a man the third degree. Like the “I’m so busy, guys say I don’t have time for them,” it works both ways. Again, Julia, what do you think is the conclusion?

      It’s like Emily was making points, Amy made one point but it was antifeminist nonsense, and Julia said stuff.

      • Misrepresenting herself today on GMA as a Relationship Columnist is one example of what I was referring to as being inauthentic. Also the wording of her bio up there, and the description of her placement in the Bravo farce are also misleading and/or outright false. The whole thing is fake from the get-go and is typical of JABa spin — even if she isn’t directly responsible for the wording of these latest examples — just see how long it takes her to correct her main FB page that currently and prominently showcases her as still employed with TMS. Or the one that says she is a journalist. Or the other one that says she is an author. She is a master at massaging the truth, and has professionally instructed other to do likewise, but the misrepresentation this morning was especially blatant. Those other two women are who they claimed to be, Julia Allison Baugher is not.

  33. From her blog:

    So noticed on the Today Show that you were listed as a relationship columnist. Since leaving Social Studies does that mean we can expect a new relationship column soon?!
    Like Reply

    juliaallison 2 hours ago in reply to LBS
    😉 yes

        • Legalese! Maybe she’s just saying “yes” that we can *expect* a relationship column soon. One might not actually come to fruition.

          • Also, less tough (Caroline Manzo will cut you!), less interesting (be honest, you want to know if she’s really Mobbed up or not), less loving (CM loves those dumb ass kids of her’s something awful), less rich (again, Mob?), less fun (I would love to hang around the Manzo manse and watch Caroline smack people down all day)… I could go on.

    • Whenever I see her post a winky face, I think of “even by the most liberal definition of stalking, you would have a difficult time proving that case”

      COOKOOO

  34. I wonder if Donkey has her sights / sites / cites set on a Monty Python fan … there was a Monty Python skit w/ the line: “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”

    Donkey, suffering from premature interjection, got what she deserves for interrupting.

    • All of this is so delicious. All the catladies are on fire in the comments today and our brave posters are at the top of their game! One Today Show segment yielded some new hatorz (Joy Engel, it seems?). This shitshow is going to be fun for us. Yet, I have to say…part of me feels down about this, because i just can’t FUCKING BELIEVE that Julia Albertson Bauer continues to land on her feet after being fired from every gig she’s held. How is it possible to just lie? “TONY since 2005”???? WTF??

  35. I seriously cannot stand how she has to talk over everyone and answer all the questions. She always did this, even in the TMI days. It’s so rude!

    She really fucking sucks. Yesterday I mentioned how her lying about parting ways with her job would be like someone going on an interview after getting fired & pretending to part ways with previous employer. Now the lying on the bio reminds me of lying on a resume for a job interview that you intend to lie on. This does not go on in the real world. Everything is in Julia’s world! This is all her parents fault for letting it go on this long.

  36. Um, no. Taylor Greason DOES NOT look like Mark Ruffalo. Nice try donkey-kong.

    @JuliaAllison
    Julia Allison
    @zolmos – I LOVE that idea, Zelda!! Especially because I think @TaylorGreason looks like Mark Ruffalo! 🙂 It’s fun, funny & upbeat, right?

  37. Scene: Buckingham Palace, June 2012

    “Where’s Harry?”
    “Oh, you know, he’s…”
    “Not again!”
    “Yes, afraid so. He’s obsessed.”
    “Someone needs to break his TiVo.”
    “Too late, he has copies of the show on his computers.”
    “Good God.”
    “Who would have thought it possible?”
    “I know, but at least she’s not covered in tattoos and scraps of people’s dinners.”
    “But could he really? Those ‘dates’ of hers are obviously from Central Casting — I mean who would date that loud, aging…”
    “Ahem, well…”
    “Oh God, maybe we should let him go to Afghanistan after all.”

  38. Umm, so I know there has been a lot of talk of birthdays lately. Mine is the 7th of November, and I don’t have any plans, although I do have to be in Silicon Valley on the 6th.

    Any Bay Area catladeez want to arrange for a meet-up on the 5th (Saturday) to help me celebrate?

    • Umm, mine just began (October 28th), and though I thought I only shared this illustrious day with the deserving likes of Joaquin Phoenix, Bill Gates, and my favorite Kardashian who looks like a lesbian who looks like Justin Bieber, aka Bruce Jenner, it turns out that I also share is with a certain Greasy McGreaserson.

      Sigh…Julia Allison’s twitter feed, ruining hopes and dreams everywhere…

      Unless she’s just a shitty “best friend” and posted his October 27th bday message a little late. Wouldn’t be unheard of with this donkey.

        • Haha who’d have thought the phrase “Happy Birthday Fatty” could bring so many warm and fuzzies to my life haha! Thanks for the bday wishes!

      • I am sorry that A Greasy is crowding your birthday. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all about you today, bb. HAPPY HAPPY!

        Obligatory pinata shot:

        [img]http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z200/venuscloacina/th_pinata.jpg[/img]

  39. JuliaAllison: RT @EpicTweets_: Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”

    ::drum roll::

    “When Stupid People Go Near Dangerous Animals.”
    Bra(y)ho summer series premiers 2012!
    Features La Donké & daring boys in Bonobos who risk emasculation for a date!
    (3-d glasses & ear plugs not included)

  40. 1. I like Emily.
    2. Julie has run off and injected more crap into her face. Seriously. More. She’s a mental patient. She has no n/l folds or whatever the hell they’re called left. And it looks about as natural as my kid brother’s homemade napalm which he made with styrofoam egg cartons and gasoline and which melted the siding off the house when thrown against it.
    3. It just occured to me that she is never going to stop. After all the pleading to stop injecting crap into her face, the mocking, the chiding, the pitying, the scorn, the advice, the snark, she just ran off and did more for her big teevees show. By God, she is a mental patient. This isn’t ever going to end or end well.

    • Maybe it’ll end with some sort of intervention. Family and friends (what friends? the ones hired by Bravo, obvs) come together to tell Julia she’s fucking up her relationships and she’s fucking up her face.

  41. holy eff, catladies!

    only got the chance to watch this now. and it’s even worse than i imagined. holy eff.

    1. i like emily, too.
    2. amy comes across as an unhappy superbitch.
    3. jules comes across as…dumb. and loud. and horrible.

    i really want to take whoever cast this out for drinks. well done! this will be an awesome.com-catventure for us all!

  42. What. The FUCK. Did she do. To her face. As soon as she starts speaking it’s like the stuff of nightmares. THOSE EYEBROWS TOO. She looks like a fucking jack-o-lantern.

    Horrific. Also the red dress lady has a huge head.

    • Also STFU red dress lady. “NEver call a guy!!!!” Is this 1950?

      I hate these stupid bitches so much. There’s a reason you are all single.

      • amy seems like she could be useful in stating the truth about A Donkey to her face so i’m not going to judge her yet.

        • i’m judging her, anyways, but i agree. her telling a donkey how it is – that’d be be fun to watch.

  43. OMG I have so much to say! Firstly, WTF. I mean, ever notice how the women who are all about “the rules” are the ones who are forever single? Its because they keep playing these stupid games. Whoever said earlier that men are simple – if they like you they will call, if they aren’t interested they won’t and so, move the fuck on – hit the nail on the head. Why don’t these girls get this?? Be yourself! If you like the guy – call him! Of course, don’t be a desperate stalker (and this is where le Donk always gets it wrong, duh) but geez people, ITS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE, QUIT TRYING TO MAKE IT HARDER THAN IT IS! Do you think maybe this is why you can’t keep a man?? end rant.

    And, secondly. I started watching Dowton Abbey last night and Oh Em Gee! Loves!

    That is all for now my beloved cat ladies, I must get back to my errand running…

    • But if it’s not rocket science-like and unnecessarily complicated, these women would be out of jobs. So of course they make it harder than it should be. Otherwise they’d have to find real desk errands to run.

  44. Good God this girl is sooooo loud, obnoxious and annoying. I’ve never watched the show until I stumbled upon it today. She has set her date up for a prom date, very cute but my God she’s loud. I’ll be surprised if this guy calls her again. Annoying!

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