TMS Mystery

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Numerous tipsters tell us they have e-mailed various officials at TMS and received no reply about Julie Albertson’s column. Just dead silence.

Will there be a column today? What happened to last week’s column? Why did they knock down the news release headline, with no news release attached? Why did they knock down all her archived columns, only to resurrect them a few days later?

Has Petey Baugher threatened them in some way, perhaps some kind of breach of contract threat? Did a braying Donkey shriek and cry and plead with them to keep her termination quiet until after her reality show starts filming? Would Bravo dump her if she’s utterly unemployed?

What? Is going on?

405 COMMENTS

  1. would it be safe to say …..”Social Studies” has reached its expiration date? (!!!!!!)

    [img]http://www.eyes4less.com/wp-content/uploads/csi%20miami%20sunglasses%20yeah.jpg[/img]

  2. This is as simple as it looks: they hired her for what they thought was a social media explainer-type column. She has recently written 3 columns focussing on fashion (?), one double -dip interview with Tucker Max (not exeactly family newspaper fare, and not exactly a household name or social media expert) and one column about how awesome it is to NOT use social media.

    They may also not like that she clearly makes up her own questions and writes columns about friends/ sponsors. She breaks about 3 basic, elementary rules of newspaper journalism in every 750-word column.

    And she had 3 newspapers subscribing to her. And it looks like 2 of them (calcutta and chicago ) dropped out.

    She didn’t do well. They dumped her. She will no doubt try to make it look mutual, but that makes no sense.

    • we should all write a bunch of sample test columns and send them in as a replacement; lots of knowledgeable and witty writers on RBD

      • I’d like to do an instructive column about how to use social media while on a “typical” guys’ weekend: when is watercress worthy of a tweet? Should I ask my “friends” on facebook to “like” my “wall post” about brushing out my totally-typcal-guy-buddy’s hair after we zip up into our sleep bags? That sort of thing.

  3. Bravo will no doubt give her a fake job. Or we’ll have to watch her on a fake business venture. Wasn’t that the real reason NonSociety was created so they would have something to do on the failed IT Girls pilot?

    • This! After all these years, NonSociety might finally become what it was created to be: a prop on a Bravo shitshow. Though she’s already publicly downgraded it to “hobby” status… um, oops?

  4. You have all the answers there – she found out through this site she was shit canned – or she at the very least – found out it was made public. Worried it would hurt her show with Bravo, she got Daddy on the case.

    For TMS, they’re done with her and can’t be bothered with her braying so they took it down. Fuck her, we know the truth. And we have the screen grabs to prove it.

    • I think people think Dadser Esq has way more power than he has. If they dropped her I’m going to make the wild assumption they did so permissibly under her contract, so what the hell can he do about it? They probably haven’t figured out how to spin it yet, so they are remaining quiet for now.

      • Also even if his connections got her the gig, doesn’t mean he can then influence them for time immemorial. I suspect even he knows how much that column sucked and I could only imagine if he had any shred of dignity left he would not stick his neck out about it. Going against a snark site tearing your daughter down is one thing. Going to bat against a newspaper collective or whatever when she is so hideously incompetent as a writer is quite something else. He’s unscrupulous but he’s not stupid.

      • It’s not so much “power” as “capacity to be an annoyance.” Newspapers are complete pussies about dealing with complainy lawyers. Also, the heavier hitters at Dadsers’ firm have represented the Trib in a number of cases, so they may be propitiating Dadsers in order to avoid pissing off Kraus and Rosenthal and other potentially useful-to-them folks.

        • Well I worked in a large law firm for a while, and they are super concientious about client relationships at those places, conflicts of interest, all sorts of shit like that. No way in hell any big partner is going to bat for something so silly, and I very highly doubt they would tolerate that kinda rogue behavior on the part of their attorneys, fathers or not. Especially in this day and age. Sorry folks but it seems might naive methinks to assume anyone in his firm gives a crap and would risk their own reps or client relationships over it.

          • Also press release said “decided not to renew contract.” She has a contract, it was renewable, they didn’t renew. What is to litigate? Maybe she requested they please STFU about it for now but not like they can do much more than that.

          • Oh, I agree that it must seem beyond naive to you as a lawyer.

            As someone who has worked for newspapers, my experience is that newspaper management people live in constant and bizarre fear of pissing off lawyers. I am serious here, and I’m not talking about little pissant newspapers, either (though my brocat’s story of the libel suit brought against him when he was a child working for a little pissant newspaper is fucking hilarious).

          • JFA is right about this. I doubt Peter would bring this up to any of the rainmaker partners who really pull weight over there. If anything, he probably has a hard enough time fitting in as it is.

          • But seriously, how awesome is it that Peter B’s managing partner is a barely 40 yr old guy who went to an unheralded LS (albeit was Magna & Coif, I think)? I picture Rosenthal snickering to himself when he sees Petey around the office, knowing what a weirdo Petey is thanks to his DonkeyDaughters online diary.

        • Also how does that even work? The firm reps tms. Tms drops donkey. Law firm threatens own client in return? Think not.

          • No, I am not being clear. Any “threats” would be, as you point out, clearly impotent and unfounded bullywhines from Dadsers (just like all the other pseudo-legal threats from Dadsers have been).

            The thing is that my experience is that newspapers cave to that shit like whoa. I am sure that neither Kraus nor Rosenthal actually gives a fuck about whether Pettifogger’s daughter gets fired, but I can totally believe the crazy olds who run newspapers worrying about it (for, as you say, no good reason).

          • I know this seems like I am talking totally out of my ass (and I am pretty fucked up right now), but the levels of paranoia and cray and abject pants-wetting terror in the newspaper industry are incredible.

            Of course Pettifogger’s limp dickwaving wouldn’t frighten a four-year-old. But a newspaper executive? Shyeah.

          • You are right about the emotional climate in the newspaper biz, Albie. Panic reigns, and so does panicked decision-making. So does a whole lotta throwing spaghetti strands against the wall to see what sticks. Donks’ column was one of those strands. Didn’t stick.

          • There is no way they would threaten their own client. That’s not even ethical and makes no sense. They can counsel them but they wouldnt about something like this and they certainly wouldn’t threaten. Wheres afghani? Need backup.

          • Do you get what I’m saying here? It’s their own client? They aren’t adversaries and they can’t even do that within professional rules of conduct and also they are gonna threaten a multi million dollar client over this? That’s a laugh. This isn’t watergate. It’s most likely the very legal dismissal of a very silly, terrible writer.

          • Also Dadser is going against his own client regarding a matter he has a personal interest in? Yeah, um, no. I’m just telling you, it makes absolutely no legal sense and that is not what is happening.

          • I don’t know that TMS is one of Daddy’s clients anymore. And I don’t know when the year-long contract began. Her first column didn’t appear til March, so if they have terminated her contract just seven months into it, could he be threatening breach of contract? I just don’t know.

          • I doubt he’d be saying anything as a rep for his firm (i.e. I doubt he would run it by one of the partners first), but I could see him making a call to one or more of his contacts asking them to allow Donkey to announce the split on her blog first and throwing in a little “I’d hate to have to take this to court” in on the side if they were resistant.
            They’d go for it because, what difference does it make to them? It’s not like Donkey was a hugely popular columnist who they had a public falling out with. She was a one year try out who failed. Let her announce it her own way when she wants to, nobody is getting hurt and the paper doesn’t have to worry about whatever vague semi-threats Pettifogger is waving at them.

          • You may be completely right, and this may just be my overreaction to my own and brocat’s shitty past experiences with the poltroons of publishing.

            Your points certainly make sense!

          • from a law student perspective (ie: worth as much as julia allison’s buttjuice), it doesn’t seem like an issue that would even be on the TMS corporate radar. i’ve done transactional work for big law firms, and the amount of bullshit they tolerate = the capacity they have to be bullied. Namely, ZERO. dismiss this (if you’d like) for what it is, an uninformed opinion. but i seriously doubt that any partner in petey.boggs office even remembers that he has a stupid waste of space daughter. she is irrelevant in all aspects now… she can’t even get a gawker write up when she posts incredibly embarrassing personal details that include lodwick! for a linkbait site like that???? As someone else recently remarked, that is WAY HARSH. (said in clueless inflection please)

            i’d like to take this moment to say that as a bipolar lady who just passed her expiration date, is currently in therapy, and who takes medication because her brain just doesn’t work right… julia, just get some fucking help. there is no shame in admitting that. i am so sorry that the julia allison’s of the world attach such a stigma to mental illness. i hope she gets treatment at some point. the only pain involved is to your pride.

            okedoke. i’m going to go hang out with my catfriend… and once again revel in the fact that whenever i’m feeling down, julia allison baugher is a much shittier person. but STILL, why doesn’t someone say something to her? what kind of world is she living in that her friends and family don’t take a stronger stand?

          • TMS isn’t dadster’s client. They’re the firm’s client–probably a non-particularly-lucrative but socially useful client for a mid sized Chicago law firm. And just because Peter is a partner, it doesn’t mean he has power over there–he’s not one of the big swingin’ dicks at the firm. He’s a useful guy with a lot of yrs of experience on technical issues. Just read his firm bio. Nothing outstanding, but a lot of useful experience. Also, midsized firms will fall over backwards to make a partner of guys with Peter’s degrees because it helps with recruiting and appearances in general. Yale Law grads are rare (very small class size compared to HLS) so extra bonus points are involved, even if YLS wasn’t nearly as selective in Dadsters’ era–almost any male Ivy grad would have a good shot at admission.

          • On an unrelated topic, that Rosenthal is hot. He is probably a complete asshat but he has that hot asshat thing going.

          • Rosenthal is an example of a guy with real power over there. He’s the guy the named partners trust with this stuff. He has the personality and judgment to handle it, unlike Dadster. Oh, and Rosenthal is more than 20 yrs younger than Dadster.

            LOL, sorry Dadster.

    • On what legal grounds would Donkey have a hoof to stand on? Or are we just talking about patented Baugher bullying? I am willing to go for the latter, because after reading his cease and desist, it is pretty clear that he is willing to threaten anything without have, you know, ACTUAL LAWS to back it up. The probably pestered and TMS was so desperate to be finally rid of her that they just acquiesced.

      • See, bullying/whining on Dadsers’ front, and insta-cave (even though, as JFA points out, A Donkey wouldn’t have a single hock to stand on) on the TMS folks’ front, makes perfect sense here, knowing both Dadsers and the newspaper industry.

        It is so easy to rattle the cages of even Big Newspaper. Look at the cray corrections A Donkey got from TimesCo!

      • He’s managed to get incredible mileage in the past simply by waving his firm’s letterhead in people’s faces. Impotent? Yes, but sometimes it works.

        • He’s never used Shopf & Weiss letterhead to make threads–only his own letterhead. He can’t use firm letterhead to handle family business due to prof responsibility rules and fiduciary duty to the firm. He’d have to get the conflicts committee at his firm to sign off on it and, even then, run it past the managing partner and big time shareholders.

          It’s a big distinction–dadster has only used Dadster letterhead and that letterhead did not have his bar admissions on his IL license #.

          • Having stipulated that I am perfectly willing to believe that my own trauma has made me totally unwarrantedly suspicious of newspaper managements, AFGHANI, I would put it to yuo that you are making the fatal error of assuming that the execs of TMS are logical people who understand reality, not pants-wetting imbeciles who thought it would be a good idea to give A Donkey a newspaper column.

            They thought it would be a good idea to give A Donkey a newspaper column.

            They thought it would be a good idea to give A Donkey a newspaper column.

            I mean, with that kind of judgment, it may be that the bankruptcy administrators are the only people keeping them from sending money to Dr. Miriam Abacha to help her get her late husband’s funds out of the Bank of England!

            Nobody thinks that Pettifogger has any reason to make threats, any standing to make threats, any legitimate beef whatsoever, or indeed that anyone else at Schopf Weiss would do anything but laugh and point (and possibly pants him) if he complained to them, but the set of newspaper execs includes a number of people stupid enough to believe just that or craven enough to go along with the people stupid enough to believe just that. (The set of newspaper executives also includes some of my dearest friends, so if anybody here feels insulted by that, I don’t mean you. I mean your idiot colleague that you tell stories about. No, that one. No, not that one. Not that one, either. Maybe him, but it could be the other guy.)

          • PS, Afghani, no Peter Baugher didn’t use his law firm stationary – TECHNICALLY. But he did use their address and phone number in the letter head. So, it was implied.

            Legalese.

      • Occam razor this.
        TMS put up the announcement because they wanted to publicly announce JABa was no longer in their employ. She didn’t like seeing it there so baldly stated, so she asked that they remove it. (It’s not like they post a PR every time they option out of a contract with a hire … I can’t bring myself to call her a journalist.) And so they took it down. No big whoop to them, and her 10s of readers — half of whom are alter egos of madam herself — aren’t likely to care all that much either. Point made. Non-event. They’ve moved on. No need to take down the stale posts (it seems reasonable that they may be in some kind of agreement to feature her for a year). But no one really notices or cares that the old columns are there and the links will quietly gather dust until such time as they are deleted. With Tucker Max at the top of the list. Rather unfortunate that, but nothing to be done about it, it’s the tripe she submitted.

        • What doesn’t make sense though, is the lack of response to legitimate social media reporters’ inquiries about this. You’d think their communications rep would be happy to say, “Yes, that’s correct, we’ve decided to to discontinue our relationship with Miss Allison but are proceeding with plans to have a new social media writer (or writers) in that space in the very near future.”
          Their silence makes me think that maybe they are stuck with her for a full year, and so are choosing instead to not provide her with an ongoing platform for her lousy columns. They can decline to post her drivel as a legitimate editorial decision until the year runs out (i.e., she can keep writing a column every week, is in fact contractually obligated to do so, but TMS doesn’t have to offer the material for sale on its website if it doesn’t meet the firm’s editorial standards).

      • I’m with Albie Quirky up thar ^^, newspapers are nervy around legal-types but I think rather than issuing any threats, Peter Bogger has probably called in favours along the lines of, “Please don’t make it public the contract hasn’t been renewed, my dullard daughter needs to pull the wool over a network’s eyes.” Or, you know, something similar. Overworked newspaper peeps would have responded, “Eh, sure whatever. I can call this in as a favour later on down the track, right?” Because that’s how newspeeps roll. Back scratching etc. It does them no harm and doesn’t cause any extra work to keep the columns up and the announcement quiet.

        Probably only took a morning of whinging and freaking out on Donks part and a quick call on Dopey Daddy’s part to a Tribune contact who was all, “Yeah, whatever, I got bigger issues on my plate right now. Catcha.”

  5. I think Little Peter has something to do with this. He’s always waiting in the wings, ready to jump in and twist some arms so his precious donkey can get whatever she wants.

  6. Oh, Peter Baugher. How fucking sad.
    My dad can be an asshole but is usually very supportive of my and my siblings’ life and career choices. If I need advice on something, he will help out. For example, interviewing advice, coworker relations advice, all that stuff, he’s more than willing to lend an ear and give me a few smart ideas on how to deal with things.
    I cannot. fucking. imagine. being thirty years old and having him arrange jobs for me or interact with my colleagues on my behalf. This behavior is fitting for a douchebag who has a spoiled sixteen year old daughter for whom he’s trying to arrange a summer internship, not a man whose daughter is in her thirties.

  7. Sorry if this is off topic, but just wanted to quickly say Jakob Lodwick’s bride-to-be, Robin, is tinier and hotter and more creative and cooler than Julia Stumpybitch Baugher.

    Please carry on.

  8. WTF. TMS sucks, but at least they are a real company. I mean, how weird is this situation? I’ve never seen anything like this before.

    This kind of shady shit seems to only happen when the donkey is involved.

    • I was talking about this with my brocat, who was a newspaper editor for years (he is now an OMG NEW MEDIA guy) and he honestly couldn’t believe that we had the story right.

        • He thought I must be mistaken/high (because I am the latter right now and often the former) about the following:

          a) that anyone would say their column got yanked from a newspaper’s site because of a typo (His comment: “I used to fix that stuff while eating a sandwich”);

          b) that my screenshots of the Magical Vanishing Press Release were accurate;

          c) that TMS would tolerate getting a syndicated feature that was supposed to drop on Tuesday any time after close of business Monday; in his experience as an editor buying syndicated columns, the syndicators liked to have everything available in the early morning of the scheduled drop date at the latest because otherwise it could mess up the subscribers’ layouts.

      • I know of two journalists who have asked what’s up. Social media is part of their beat; they have an actual interest in writing about what happened. No reply. That is WEIRD.

        • I am also surprised at how JABA is able to get people to do what she wants. I get that initially she can charm her way into things, but what’s at work here? I’m guessing some lawsuit because TMS wrote a press release before telling her? She’s been through enough firings, “mutual decisions not to renew,” to have something like a stipulated notice of termination written into her contracts. That must be it.

          I will be interest if the story is reported on by others on the social media beat.

          • I was married to a man with NPD. Often it’s not about giving them what they want…but making them go away. I imagine Donk calls and calls and emails and emails and finally the powers that be say “fuck it”, and give in, if only to get her to go the fuck away.

          • This. Who wants to deal with her? It must be so unpleasant. Why, just the other day, one of her ex-boyfriends *literally* ran away from her. Heh heh.

          • I wonder if her non disclosure of personal relationships with almost all her article subjects, along with taking discounts and freebies from the companies, has anything to do with this departure.

  9. OT: I can’t really say what, but I just received the greatest news of my life and I demand that you bitches be happy for me.

  10. JuliaAllison Julia Allison
    Randi: I love owls. Me: What?? Randi: No, I really just like owls.
    1 hour ago

    Doesn’t Julia know that owls are wise, and Randi went to Harvard! Of course she likes owls.

    She chooses the most random parts of conversations to share, and she is like a 13-year-old who thinks it’s interesting/funny to point out a person’s otherness. Everyone likes different animals, and it’s okay to like an animal that isn’t a cute puppy! Save Lilly 🙁

    • She just wants to remind everyone that she’s talking to THE RANDI ZUCKERBERG. Any excuse to publicly tweet best friend Randi’s name.

    • My guess: they were watching a rerun of the last Project Runway, where there was indeed an owl. It’s so weird how I watch the same crap as she does (PR, Gossip Girl, SATC reruns) and she’ll say/tweet something that seems obliquely inspired by that thing that was just on. For a busy bidnessladie, I am pretty confident in my hunch that Donks watches a lot of television. A lot.

    • Wow, it’s like they’re getting a delayed broadcast of every trend from six months ago.

      Randi has a new baby and a new business, JABbertucky; what’s your excuse?

        • Cluttering up my stepdad’s basement with empty potato chip bags and cat hair, natch. Too fat to type much these days. 🙁

          I still have mad love for you catbitches, though.

  11. the social media expert can’t even get her own hairdresser’s twitter handle right. no wonder she got fired.
    ps. it’s @RosaEPaz!

  12. This is so odd. It’s looking more and more a sure thing that she’s been dropped. But why pull the release, keep her profile up, etc?

    I don’t think Peter would stick his neck out on this one. I can see Julia calling and calling, but his firm would look stupid having one of it’s members harassing a client about dropping his idiot daughter’s shitty column. Senior Bogger is looking silly enough these days writing editorials about wanting to lock up anyone with a negative opinion like the fucking Stasi.

    I’m wondering if her contract stated that they “promote” or “offer” her column for a year. The papers can all stop subscribing, but maybe she threatened legal action if they don’t continue to offer her as an option until the contract ends.

    Since she is likely paid by subscribers, it means she is making no money (like she was before, HA!), but she can still say she works for TMS until the contract is over. That way Bravo won’t freak when they find out that the “columnist” no longer has a column.

    DISCLAIMER: I have no idea how these things work though, I don’t work in newspapers nor am I any kind of lawyer so don’t mock me for this alternate theory. Just putting some ideas out there.

    • I approve your message. I don’t know what’s going on either but there are def ethical considerations involved in dealing with clients or former clients in an adversarial way and I agree, what’s in it for anyone?

      • I’m wondering if her contract stated that they “promote” or “offer” her column for a year. The papers can all stop subscribing, but maybe she threatened legal action if they don’t continue to offer her as an option until the contract ends.

        Can/Swiss, that is an interesting idea and probably makes more sense than my own ramblings. You can tell I have a ginormous grudge against the newspaper industry, so I can certainly go overboard with any theory that involves incompetence/perfidy/cowardice on the part of one or more execs of same.

        It would be a very newspapery solution to keep the defunct column up as an “option” just to keep A Donkey from braying at them.

    • This sounds plausible. Its also in line with Julie’s legalese way of thinking. Technically she’d still be a TMS columnist, but no paper would actually be running her column. I just can’t wait to she how she portrays work on her TV show. She’ll probably HAVE to make appearances at “cool LA” parties and have to jet of to SF, because that is where tech happens, all for her international column.

    • Oh man. It is going to be so fun when people look up her column wondering what kind of shit advice she is giving, and find nothing but links back to us eviscerating them here.

      Of course, I still suspect, as others do, that maybe Bravo has lined something up for her. An actual relationshit column. Judiciously Alleging Boning: now with 100% more boyfriend spying and wedding over-loading.

  13. Yes Jules, please please please dye your hair red again.

    I’m thinking of going auburn (not red, per se … but more like a Julia Roberts-ish hue), thanks to @RosaPaz. Thoughts? Suggestions? Photos?
    5 minutes ago

    • I’ve never been a major commenter but I’ve been around since QOTD and followed Jakob & Julia way back when. I just KANT this week. Running into JL dressed as a furry? Column went poof? And now she’s going to try to pull off the red hair again?? The funny, it burns.

    • I always surmised that Donkey plastered the pelts red that one time because (geez, I almost typed: <‘Topher Max’ … must … wake … up …!) because she knew Codename TK had a thing for redheads — now that she’s ‘moving to LA’ & will be stalking Runyon Canyon + every other place she’s known him to frequent, it stands to reason that she’d re-live the nightmare.

      I say GO FOR IT, DONKEY!
      [img]http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/pink_donkey.jpg[/img]

    • Oh, yeah, it’s the hair that’s the problem. Maybe get some more restalyne and a 6th nose while you’re at it. That’ll make everything all better. When will this chick understand that it’s not the outside that’s the big problem . . . .

    • So very Donkey.
      Something didn’t work in the past? Keeping doing it until someone has physically restrain you to stop it. That always works.

    • that’s pretty funny

      & 2 more things to hate about tumblrrrrrrregh
      1) um, year? how the fuck do i know what fucking year it fucking is on their fucking pos platform?
      2) um, back in the browser doesn’t work? It’s faster to go ‘back’ in the browser not “earlier” tumblr links but it refreshes and refreshes and refreshes the same goddamned page. I thought only BING did that.

      *shoots self*

    • Also, I don’t usually like to compare Julia to a drag queen, because drag queens are better than that, but this seriously looks like a still from RuPaul’s Drag Race.

      • Now see, here is another place where Phoebe Price is the winner, because she was ON “RuPaul’s Drag Race” and was a good sport about being mocked for being less convincing en femme than the contestants.

        • I can’t decide if Julia being a guest judge on Drag Race would be amazing or awful. Both maybe? But in a fun way, because Santino would tear her apart?

    • OK, the chick behind the tumblr was personally harassed by JA until she agreed to stop blogging about her. I know this for a fact.

      • Wow. That is fucked up and makes me want to start a mocking tumblr, too. Bring it on, Joo-joo. She won’t be able to keep up once her show comes out. Can’t silence everyone, Hoolie.

        • JP needs to bring the julias bad press tumblr back. pettifogger can’t hold us down!

          • Not to diminish the awesomeness of said tumblr, but Terry Shaivo with a typewriter could write a better column.

          • That unfortunately was not backed up. I remember that ilikejuliaallison chick reblogging me all the time. It was hilarious. It started out genuinely sincere then devolved into crazy ass snark.

      • That’s too bad, because it’s hilarious. Hadn’t seen it before. This girl wrote better shit for her random tumblr than Julia wrote for her column.

  14. WEEK TWO WITH NO SOCIAL STUDIES FEATURE

    AMERICA HELD HOSTAGE

    Where will the olds of South Florida get their fast-breaking information about people JABberwhatsit is trying to curry favor with the latest trends in social media?

  15. Maybe Donkey & TMS are at odds post non-negotiations because after they pulled the press release due to incessant braying, they then sent her a bill for each & every non-disclosed ad they inadvertently ran for her friends in a column they paid her to deliver?

    All the speculation that Peter Baugher Petti Fogger in any way gives the legal team of TMS pause/paws/pas’ is to laugh — if he would go up against a client of his firm in the capacity of doing pro bono work for his braying banshee of a daughter, if he’d alienate a paying client for the sake of a non-paying family member, then it’s time for Dad$er to retire, cuz that makes him as incompetent & as batshit insane as his genetic mistake (nods to PP; had to do it!)

    • All the speculation that Peter Baugher Petti Fogger in any way gives the legal team of TMS pause/paws/pas’

      I don’t think anyone is speculating that. I’m certainly not. I’m assuming that he whined impotently at some low-level editor who is terrified of losing his or her job.

      • I’m assuming that he whined impotently at some low-level editor who is terrified of losing his or her job

        and too traumatized to be rational about whether Pettifogger is just talking smack out of his ass.

        Wouldn’t be the first time Pettifogger did it, probably won’t be the last.

        But yeah, I could be wrongity wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong as well as posting in a stupor.

        • Also, they could lose one or maybe even two subscriptions (don’t know if the paper comes to the OMGDOWNTOWNCONDO as well as the house), and what newspaper could risk that in today’s market?

          Actually, maybe RB just called up and threatened to cancel her subscription and that was enough leverage to make them cave. Wow do I wish I were joking about that.

          • Alright, lovely catfolk, I am going to bed and cease my reign of constant commentorrhea. You’ve all been remarkably patient with my idiocy today!

            VICODIN CHEESECAKES FOR EVERYONE!

      • I don’t think anyone is speculating …
        I’m certainly not. I’m assuming …

        Speculate … Assume … You say tomato, I say shut up.
        I kid! Seriously! I’ve just always want to say that.

        So, you think it’s a low-level employee who’s bowing to Peter Baugher Petti Fogger’s demands? Simply because he’s an atty? And because newpaper people are so scared for their jobs these days, they’ll take direction from an outside blowhard who does not sign their paycheck? I’m trying to follow you, but I don’t.

        • I can imagine someone thinking “It’s much less trouble to just take that press release down than to have this whiny asshole go over my head, because even if my boss understands that said whiny asshole can accomplish nothing he’ll still yell at me for having to talk to a whiny asshole, and perhaps remember that I was the one who let him in for a conversation with a whiny asshole.”

          I MAY STILL NOT BE MAKING ANY SENSE SO PERHAPS IT IS KINDER JUST TO IGNORE ME.

  16. I have spent the last couple weeks running desk errands nonstop (new job, bunnies, YAY!) and have not had as much time to keep up with RBNS as I normally prefer to. Then, I come back this morning… and all of this is there for me. A Burning Man Jakob Lodwick assault, Social Studies getting dropped? Wowza.

    Truly Christmas in October. Love the countdown clock by the way.

    Love,
    Julia’s Old Nose

    • I always picture comments by Julia’s Old Nose being written from the basement of the happy farm where Grandpa lives, where Lilly will probably arrive long before her expiration date.

  17. Today I hung out with a friend (who is a Burner), and she asked me what had happened with the Donkey does Burning Man adventure (she doesn’t read here, but I had mentioned JA to her briefly before the burn, but didn’t have time to explain why she is heinous.)

    She listened, enraptured, for about half an hour whilst I tried to explain some of the biggest reasons why we can never the Donkey. I should explain that this friend is a very kind, generous, positive, forgiving individual, and when I first mentioned this vile asshole was going to the burn, she beatifically replied, “Maybe it will be eye opening and change her for the better.” By the time I was done explaining today, I felt a tiny bit guilty/embarrassed, and said, “You have to understand… she is like a symbol…”

    My friend came out with the most awesome explanation, and I wish I could phrase it as well as she did, but she said something like this: “No, I understand. She seems to be the embodiment of so much that is going wrong with the world, and the crudest, most exploitative and shallow parts of humanity. She is little pieces of a movement our culture is making toward being more deceptive, self-centered, starved for attention, and willing to walk over anyone and anything to get to this place of acclaim to which they feel entitled. The fact that she gets any kind of fame or reward for it is terrifying, because she illustrates a shift in our culture, one that others are increasingly motivated toward; a sort of grim illustration of future-humanity. It makes total sense that you would all be driven to critique someone who so fundamentally represents this dystopic ‘future Eve.’ Also, she really does look like a Donkey.”

    Okay, I threw in the last line. The rest of that paraphrase was a really interesting perspective from someone who was only hearing a brief recounting of JA’s sins, and usually doesn’t waste a negative word on anyone. She was also completely horrified by some of the stories I recounted, especially the “overlap gate[s]” and “I was inside.” She also said, “This girl clearly has a personality disorder. Possibly NPD,” without me so much as mentioning it!

    • “She is little pieces of a movement our culture is making toward being more deceptive, self-centered, starved for attention, and willing to walk over anyone and anything to get to this place of acclaim to which they feel entitled.”

      I’m amazed by how accurate this is, not just about JABs but our culture generally. Chilling.

    • That’s a really cogent analysis. A large part of the fascinated horror I feel where the Donkey is concerned springs from her insistence that she is a journalist, and the fact that much of the world accepts this and treats her as one. For me she’s a symbol of the collapse and cheapening of my profession. I just can’t look away.

      • Oh, co-SIGNED on that. It’s so…I mean, A Donkey’s “a journalist,” Snooki’s “a novelist,” it’s like everyone wants to do this stuff as a role-playing game without the tons of low-paying work, being yelled at by idiots, etc. AND PEOPLE ENABLE THIS BULLSHIT to the detriment of the people who work super hard (okay, not me, I am a lazyass bitch, but everybody else I know) at these professions.

  18. Also, Julia’s latest blog:
    “My future was to be one of limitless possibilities, where getting married was something I’d do when I was ready, to a man who was in every way my equal, and [my mother] didn’t want me to get tied down just yet.”


    The Atlantic’s “All the Single Ladies”

    This echoes what I felt when I was younger.

    Equals this:
    [img]http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/original/000/003/619/Untitled-1.jpg?1288903617[/img]

    • Yeaaaaaaah. Um Jules, honey? The decrease in “marriageable men” is not the reason you remain single.

      Good article. But does not apply to you. See above comment, “She seems to be the embodiment of so much that is going wrong with the world…” for why you’re not in a relationship.

      Does that help?

      • I am dying reading this article. Mostly because I know Julia feels like she could have written it, which is laughable on so many levels. This line cracks me up:
        When Gloria Steinem said, in the 1970s, “We’re becoming the men we wanted to marry,” I doubt even she realized the prescience of her words.”

        Umm, would Donkey EVER marry the male version of herself? Not in a second. Bad cosmetic surgery, lazy, broke, no real noteworthy accomplishments other than out-of-date and trumped up accolades, self-absorbed and selfish, C- student, no real job, no material assets.

        Oh man. It is to lulz.

        • And she posted it THREE TIMES!!!!!

          The way she can rationalize her mistakes… relationships SHE FUCKED UP BECAUSE OF HER BAD BEHAVIOR is unbelievable.

          But you keep telling yourself it’s because of the economy, dear heart. Oh, wait… then how come Jakob Lodwick is engaged to his tiny and cute girlfriend? Hmmmm….

          • Exactly. The male version of A Donkey is Eric Schaeffer*, and he would never date A Donkey because he believes his studlihood deserves a 23-year-old blonde supermodel.

            *And here I am being kind to A Donkey, because even though Schaeffer shares her diagnoses of NPD, bulimia, and rectocranial inversion—not to mention an unfortunate commitment to artificial hair—Schaeffer is at least capable of completing a book and movies and what-not.

      • I maintain the height marker behind him is a lie. This foul little man is not 6’0″. 5’10”, tops.

        • Not that there’s anything wrong with being under 6′, obviously. I just think the lengths he goes to to lie about his height are amusingly similar to all the weird contorting and fauxtoshopping Donkey does.

          • Can you even imagine the contorting and, er, mugging Julia would feel obliged to do for her own mug shot, were such a thing ever to occur?

        • You can see that in the photo: he’s just bumped his hair up into a little beehive to make himself look taller. And he’s probably wearing his heels, I mean cowboy boots, like he always does.

          • And framing the photo so your head scrapes the top of the frame is also a strategy to make oneself seem taller.

          • Mrrp, autocorrect strikes again. Serves me right for busting out my French. My new laptop is making me write like Mare Mare Beach Hair these days.

      • As gross as he is, I think he has some money, has at least written a book, went to lol school, and probably has no cosmetic surgery. Basically, out of her league. Also, is definitely in one of the categories mentioned in the article: never-settling-down dudes scoring way more poon than they should, considering the pathetic quality of their existence.

      • Ugh. Something about excessively stooped shoulders just creeps me out a bit … seems indicative of never having done a hard day’s work, & I can’t think of a bigger turn-off in a man than laziness.

    • “The most important article I’ve read in months”? Okay, I’ll admit to passing it on to a few girlfriends I’ve bitched about being forever alone with, but THE most important? Not, say, anything about Occupy Wall Street? The Syrian crackdown? The Palestinian Authority’s campaign for admittance to the EU? Even a biography of Steve Jobs? No? Okay.

    • When I was A Donkey’s age, I felt exactly like that paragraph she quoted (except the mum bit).

      And so what did I do? Did my stuff, worked hard at my writing and my day jobs, traveled the world with my friends, had relationships good and bad with men and women most of whom I’m still in healthy friendly contact with (not texting them several times a day like a loon, but occasional cordial get-togethers and general well-wishes except for That One Asshole), worked on my bazillion issues in therapy therapy therapy, learned to play the concertina badly…

      And then SEVERAL YEARS AFTER MY OMG EXPIRATION DATE I met someone and we fell in love and we got married and we have been making that work for umptybazillion thirteen years, so far, so good.

      But if I hadn’t been lucky enough to meet my huscat, I imagine I would be going on the way I was, having a fun life whether or not I had a serious partner, understanding that it was okay to want a serious partner and to grieve the absence of that connection, but not okay to let that make me feel like my whole life was worthless without (thank you, My Therapist, who is as played by Dianne Wiest).

      I think the old saw “You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else” is shallow and a bit superstitious the way many people seem to parse it, so that’s not what I’m trying to say at all.

      What I am trying to say is that becoming so involved in looking for a partner that it becomes the only meaningful thing in your life is, simply pragmatically, a shitty bet. It makes it harder to find a partner because of the desperation pheromones, sure, but worse than that you’re surrendering all of your hopes of happiness to something that is in some ways beyond your control.

      There is work people can do to be ready for a relationship, sure, and work people can do to find relationships (hint to A Donkey: things like volunteering and dating services and asking friends to fix you up are much better ideas than going to technical programming conferences or having yourself auctioned off by sleazebags).

      But in the long run, a lot of it is chance. I know plenty of people far more awesome than I in every respect—kinder, smarter, funnier, better-looking, probably infinitely hotter in bed—who are single not by choice and bummed about that. I had undeserved luck, and I recognize that. But the thing is that if I hadn’t had that luck? I won’t pretend it wouldn’t be a big deal for me if I was still in the “searching” phase, because it would be. But the rest of my life would still be what I had made it, and a lot of it would be fun and joyful.

      I haven’t read the article in question, so this may be unfair to its author, but it is certainly not unfair to Donkey’s characterization of it: the idea that the state of mind described in Donkey’s quotation is some CRAZY TALK THAT OBVIOUSLY LEADS ONLY TO DOOM is infinitely toxic bullshit.

      That state of mind (tempered by an understanding that, yes, finding a partner was important to me and taking steps to make that more likely were therefore necessary when possible) worked great for me and for almost all of my friends, including the four ladies in my BFF group who married (men, in these cases) for the first time after age 40.

      There was a best-seller in the 1970s called Why Do I Think I Am Nothing Without a Man?. Now, in Donkey’s case, she has good reason to think that, but it wouldn’t have to be that way if she DID SOME FUCKING WORK ON HER INSIDES FOR A CHANGE.

      • Wow, enormous herd of teal deer.

        Executive summary: Speaking as someone who won the lottery herself, I advise Donkerina to have a financial plan beyond simply buying lottery tickets. If I hadn’t pulled a huscat jackpot, I would have still been having a good life.

      • Every word you wrote is my life too. Except change the occupation to Special Ed. teacher and there I am. If you have to be alone, at least try to have fun and fulfill yourself in other ways.

      • It’s possible for a woman who is hellbent on getting married and makes it her #1 priority in life to do so. I’ve seen some women do it — 1 is nearly 20 yrs older than Donkey and not particularly attractive, 1 was close to obese and not attractive, others were just kind of “bleh.”

        They got what they set out to get — a husband — but not one of them was ever happy after that. In fact, one wound up committing suicide, leaving behind 2 small children and a husband who couldn’t wait to marry someone else.

        • It’s possible for a woman who is hellbent on getting married and makes it her #1 priority in life to do so

          Yes. It’s also extremely possible for women who don’t make it their number one priority to get married and have blissfully happy marriages. Including women who are 50 and older, 300 pounds and up, and not physically attractive.

          So perhaps A Donkey might take from that the lesson that being young and as thin as possible and as plastic-surgeried-to-Barbiedom as possible ISN’T ACTUALLY A RECIPE FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE?

          Nah, not possible.

          • Not that I’m trying to suggest that A Donkey isn’t accurate that there’s a big premium on youth and good looks and slimness in the dating game, because there is.

            But if her only strategy is to keep pumping coins into that slot, I think it’s counterproductive.

      • Great post. It almost made me want to go to therapy myself!

        (I haz huscat, but I still have a touch of the crazy. It’s not a cure, Julia, if that’s what you’re waiting for!)

    • I really wanted to enjoy that article but I just couldn’t get through it. I thought it was too bogged down in statistics and read too much like a research paper. And I knew Julia would twist it around – I’M NOT MARRIED BECAUSE THE LOSER GUYS OF TODAY AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR MEEEE!

  19. Just in case any of you cat ladies ever leave the basement with the intention of becoming less obese, I’ll tell you abou the running motivation strategy I intend to implement tomorrow: I’m going to imagine Julia is chasing me, sausage fingers grasping the space my shoulder occupied a half-second earlier, while she brays, “Don’t you think we were meant to see each other? I think it was meant to be! I’m rerouting my wedding mag subscriptions to your apartment!”

    • I am totally using that method when I hit the treadmill tomorrow, thanks for the tip! I’m just worried my anxiety levels will go through the roof at such a terrifying thought – I run to release stress, not create more.

    • If you don’t run fast enough, she is going to tackle you, smear cupcake frosting and chocolate sauce on your thighs, and proceed to lick it off with her big, fat, floppy donkey tongue.

      You have been warned.

    • RANDOM: This thread reminds me of the guy in Boynton Beach Club who works out to Papa Loves Mambo (great movie / sad scene).

  20. I had the most fucked up JA dream last night, including that “I was inside” – her family’s house. Many of us were able to get in and eavesdrop, and it turned out that Pancakes and others were emailing in tips, which is why we’re (collectively) usually so spot-on with seeing which way the train will be wrecking. Creepy dream but funny. I got the sense that Momsers knew we were inside, but didn’t really mind. On some level she knows her daughter is a monster. (I sort of do believe this, even if the moments of realization are only fleeting.)

    Thanks to whomever inspired my new handle in a previous thread with a wonderful typo. I’m surprised we didn’t have to yank the thread from the server in order to correct it!

  21. Just saw the “x hours since the last Social Studies column” ticker. That one thing brightened my entire morning.

  22. Wow…she’s all over Greasy this trip, huh?

    JuliaAllison Meeting @taylorgreason to run the Stanford Dish. Okay okay. HE’S running it. I’m power walking … with aplomb!

    • Perhaps he’s still with The Young One and she’s attempting to piss all over him and mark her territory like a dog.

      • APLOMB
        French à plomb according to the plummet, i.e., straight up and down, vertical position …
        [img]http://l.thumbs.canstockphoto.com/canstock1528470.jpg[/img]

    • It’s amazing to me that this chick publicizes her complete lack of a fucking job/life on the regular. GET A JOB. Jesus. What does she do all day??? This Bravo gig is really perfect for her. A camera following her around during her insipid pointless life as she gets paid for it. Still, what are they filming? Someone doing fucking nothing? I’d rather watch the Jersey Shore for that. At least those people are funny.

      • It’s really going to be interesting to watch how they spin her pointless existence. No one is going to wanna watch some rapidly aging trustfund retard gallivanting with ugly business school students no one cares about. Whatever then.

        • I wonder if Greasy is angling for some reality tv FU money. Didn’t a tipster say he liked donkey’s connections?

    • Oh gross I was totally supposed to walk the Stanford Dish today with my bebe. So glad I went to a meeting at work instead!

  23. Dear [Redacted’s Mom]
    Please allow me to introduce myself…, it seems we are two Oldters who have the audacity to have blogs! (I just followed you). You seem to be single and living in New York! And since I know you read here… how about meeting for a glass of Franzia sometime…. I can turn the creepy on and off at will!

    • You both seem really nice—I’d love to see a love match come out of this site. Especially between two people past their expiration dates. (I am also past mine, so I mean no disrespect.)

          • Gardening is great exercise and good for clearing the mind. You should try it. Also have some love for your fellow basement-bound Donkey-snarkers.

            Or at least be sassy about it like JFA, my e-cheating/hate-fucking lawyer buddy.

    • Awwwww… CDB. That would melt my ice-cold heart. I hope she goes out w/ you!!! Maybe we’ll all get an RBD wedding after all.

      • RBD wedding: would Julia want to come? Does she love weddings more than she hates us?

        • She claims to be friends with Bob… but Bob is an RBDer. If she did come, would she demand to be a groomsman? Or by the omgofficial social media coordinator of the wedding?

      • Thank you all (esp. Momsers) so much for the recommendations!. I am in The New York area all week! So lets see if she takes the bait!

          • So cute. But please make sure to avoid meeting in any place that old people really shouldn’t be cluttering up with their oldness. Rooftop bars, for example, or Momofuku. You are forbidden! Maybe you could meet somewhere out of sight in Queens.
            If you do meet, please sincerely thank [Redacted’s] Mom on my behalf for her photo essay on the unique fashion choices of ladies of a certain age, the world over. I’m not quite there yet myself in terms of being utterly irrelevant due to advanced years but I am truly inspired and oddly comforted by her celebration of these women’s individuality and spirit, including her own.

          • There is that basement restaurant in SOHO on the corner. I cant remember the name but it is a basement, so we would most likely both be comfortable and out of cite site sight with our oldness

    • I spent at least an hour looking at that woman’s beautiful photos. She seems very impressive, smart and humble.

    • Mama Redacted,
      We all vouch for CDB seeming like a great guy, which is almost as good a recommendation as his reciprocal enmity for Julia.

    • I actually was friend’s with [Redacted]’s sisters in HS (we lost touch along the way but are still fb friends). To be honest, Momma [Redacted] seemed cranky most of the time and never very warm. But then again, they had a pretty large family including all the step siblings.

      Sadly, I have no juicy bits on [Redacted] that haven’t already been touched on at some point. He used to party pretty hard with prescription pills but that’s about it.

      • Oh wow- just realized she’s probably reading this. Well, Momma Redacted, you raised some beautiful, awesome girls (including step-daughter in the mix as well).

        • Ya, I was thinking the same thing.
          Teenager? Misappropriation of alcohol/prescription drugs.
          My hand’s up.

      • My mom probably came off cranky, too. Wait til you have a ton a of kids… and I don’t know if there was a point where she was a single Mom… but I don’t know…. I’m not much for giving Redacted’s Mom a hard time – she seems like she put up with a lot of damaging Julia bullshit and I give her props for that.

    • Oh CDB when are you coming to San Diego! I’m an oldster too! We can have Franzia and stalk Pancakes! Or eat pancakes, whatever.

  24. interesting fact: of NS’s 11 contributors, only 4 have posted anything at all in October. TJ, Brant and Asha are essentially done, and a few of the others have posted only a handful of dumb snapshots all year.

  25. I was thinking the counter up there could use some kind of logo.. Someone else will probably come up with something cooler, but this an idea I just came up with.. Whaddaya think?

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/nigtb.png[/img]

  26. Just occurred to me you guys might want one with a cat in it.. Here’s v2.0

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/mCu4o.png[/img]

    • This week just keeps getting better. And may I remind my fellow catpeeps that Halloween, that great festal day in the life of Julia Allison connoisseurs, is right around the corner?? Followed by the Holicrays? So very much to look forward to. So blessed.

      • The Bravo show is really going to fuck with her biological Donkey clock. This time of yr she’s usually dating a few guys or zeroed in on one guy…. it was about a yr ago this week that she met Pancakes at Megatits’ party… while she was dating iDonk and Greaseball. She does this every fall… finds a guy for the holibrays. This year? Nothing in sight yet. It’s going to be great… she’s “expired” now, too…

          • Does her contract really say that? Because that Emily girl, who is also on the show, has a boyfriend.

        • Whhhoooaa – hold on there big guy. I don’t think we have a really definite answer on the whole [redacted] spontaneous/meant-to-be/TheSecret meet-up yet. There may still be hope!

  27. I think JABs is going to wait to say anything about this column disappearing until she can announce her reality TV show. So she’ll spin it like this: “I had to stop the column due to my obligations with Bravo. This was mutually agreed upon.”

    Mark my words.

    • “A huge congratulations to my college boyfriend, James Fay, who just got engaged to the beautiful actress/model/sculptor Beau Dunn, above.

      I wouldn’t mind having three closets!!!!”

      I can’t watch the video either. But woah, she’s in ex-stalking overdrive after her encounter with Redacted. Isn’t James Fay the one whose credit card she stole? I’m sure they speak multiple times a day!

      • Sometimes, I feel our expectations for Julia are too high. At least she didn’t say, “James Fay, my college boyfriend and recent booty call.” Give her some credit! Also, she probably hasn’t bitten anyone today, so there’s that.

      • Yes. He’s the stolen credit card sister-punched-donks ex. I also recall that, on one of her trips to LA back around Lil Eggers time, she posted something that indicated that Fay’s girlfriend was not cool with her staying with him. It was typically passive aggressive like “Why would a model be threatened by ME?”

        She’s such a bitch.

        I do love that all her exes are getting married. If Charles Foreman married some hot chick, donks would DIE.

        • Who’s the ex that she posted a fauxto of, taken in a hotel room, of him w/out a shirt on? Was(n’t) that Fay? Maybe I remember wrong, but it seems like she was w/ Prop Thing at the time …

          • just poking around the archives looking for this (i’m pretty sure she posted a shirtless pic of fay)… came across these instead. remember when julia claimed she had thrown her back out, but then went partying anyway and wore the hanger straps on that dress? (june 09)

            [img]http://26.media.tumblr.com/NB8YioMLiohth93xfWfNXY2no1_400.jpg[/img]

            [img]http://26.media.tumblr.com/NB8YioMLioht1a1wmeINwi2ro1_400.jpg[/img]

            [img]http://28.media.tumblr.com/NB8YioMLioht3wodORwX96Gdo1_400.jpg[/img]

          • OMG! She wore black tights, in June, w/ a white, (meant-to-be) strapless dress? And she wore a black hair scrunchy on her fetlock as a bracelet? And two of the twits fauxtographed w/ her who are now in the fashion biz let her go out like that?

            They hated her then. There’s no other explanation.

          • It was Fay, but I don’t think it was a hotel. She posted hotel pictures with Prom King… I think it was the Plaza or the Waldorf Astoria. But the shirtless was def the billionaire’s son.

          • OMG I HAD NEVER SEEN THE HANGER STRAPS PHOTO

            Do you think that she thought she was cleverly repurposing the hanger straps, or do you think she didn’t know they were hanger straps? I can’t decide which is more humiliating.

          • Prof.–that is SO MUCH WORSE than I remember. She was all out after him. No wonder the girlfriend/fiance was pissed.

          • It’s worth printing these out
            From her time with Fay:
            Staying with my old college boyfriend, James, while in LA. Haven’t seen him in 4.5 years, but just got off the phone w him and … wow.10:48 PM Jul 26th from web

            Sometimes chemistry never goes away. 10:48 PM Jul 26th from web

            It’s a really odd feeling to realize that the one you thought would be The One … is someone else’s One.about 18 hours ago from web

            Finished with meetings for the day! Now to my hotel in Manhattan Beach

          • Thank you, Prof. That’s the exchange I was looking for. She says this like she’s all innocent and shit and then tweets the above garbage about chemistry, etc.

            She’s a bitch.

      • Yes, he’s the one whose credit card she stole and whose sister punched her!

        ::dead with laughter at A Donkey::

      • Unhinged.
        She goes from a couple of posts over saying [redacted] has “serious issues” (in her comments section) because he didn’t welcome the opportunity to re-engage with her, to blogging about another ex, but this one she’s so happy for. And what’s the guy supposed to do? Send a thank you note now because she’s pointing out years after the fact that he was her college boyfriend? And if he doesn’t, does that mean he has “serious issues” too?
        JABa?, for realz, get yourself offline and into therapy.

      • Fay is also the man behind the “Well done, Julesie, well done” and drops phone*stunned silence memes. Ah, sweet meme-ories.

      • Soooo, first the ex that bruised her to her core runs screaming into the night after she has desperately attempted to LITERALLY restrain him, and the next day moneyed family ex proposes to tiny and cute moneyed family model girlfriend? It is to laugh all while feeling so strangely karmic!

    • OH, BURN. *LITERALLY* everyone donkey has ever boned is engaged/married/successful, and here she is, a single donkey bunking in her dad’s assisted living barnyard. *sniff* it almost makes one pity the donkey.

      ps. the video doesn’t work for me either. this appear to be the link: http://shoes.tv/jwplayer/player.swf

        • Oh that backstory is sooooo telling. I love how *somehow* their breakup resulted in his sister punching her–no details offered on why that would have happened (credit card theft). Also, why specifically identify her as his blonde younger sister? I suppose to surreptitiously name her without naming her. Klassy. Sort of like how poor [Redacted] just “ran away”…no mention of how she ATTACKED him first.

          Also, I LOVE this:

          After we ended, he refused to talk to me for several years, even though I wanted to “stay friends.” I moved on, big time.

          Oh, you wanted to “stay friends”? Tough cookies! This smells like what happened with the aforementioned attack. It really is the Hotel Julsie up in here–you will never ever leave if she’s decided otherwise.

          And then “I moved on, big time.” Yes dear, that’s very obvious from the spontaneous post about his engagement and obsessive blogging for interviews/information about her. I don’t think she’ll manage the overlap card on this one (although she does still manage to shock me every now and again), but I do expect her to rehash his alcohol issues at some point. Seriously, the only way some people can deal with themselves is bringing everyone else down to their level. She is just so incredibly toxic.

  28. Okay, much as I am loving the shitshow of Donkey ex-stalking, I am now seriously a bit concerned for the fiancée of the Dan FKACD. Because if she is having this kind of NPD fireworks over someone’s engagement, what kind of acting out is she likely to do at an actual wedding where she’s a member of the groom’s party?

    You know that I still think she’s going to show up in a tuxedo jacket, bustier, and fishnets like it’s no thang.

      • “Dan may have stood me up for the prom but I bet [female redacted fiancee] wasn’t worried about being left at the altar”
        “We’re so lucky that [female redacted fiancee] doesn’t have to fulfill the “in sickness part” of her vows right now. Hospitals are such icky places. I know because I’ve spent so much time in them with Dan. Would you like to see the pictures I took to prove it?”
        “I myself also know what it’s like to suffer a debilitating illness. It’s one of the reasons my ex high school boyfriend Dan who I made out with in my bedroom with, are still so close.”
        “Is the wedding cake gluten free? (Brayed loudly just as they’re cutting it)
        “Dan, you owe me a long slow dance at the wedding to make up for prom”
        Samples of things I can imagine Donks saying or speechifying.

  29. Why can’t she ever, ever, ever take the highroad???? Let it gooo, it was a week ago!!!!!!! She is being such a damn victim. Doesn’t she have jobs to find, skills to improve upon, therapists to call??? So freaking disgusting and shallow. It says more about her vileness that someone would have such a gross and visceral reaction to having contact w/ her. She should recognize that.

    From her liecast comments: You are absolutely correct. Anyone who behaves in that manner has serious issues ….

    • Amazing she thinks the trip to her clam dungeon is worth all that.

      But even sadder is that for donks the fundamental rule is “nobody is allowed to just be themselves”. We all knew that, she lives it.

      • All I got from this is “Really? You tell your teen daughter make-out with her BF behind closed doors in high school?”

        Huh, explains a lot about the father daughter dynamic and who really wears the pants in the relationship. Dadsers maybe should have spent more time interrogating his daughter, instead.

        • “my father would interrupt one of our interminable high school make out sessions” .

          Because she mangles language so much, I was really unsure if she knew what that word suggests- did she mean “endless?” But no, she meant agonizingly neverending, those make-outs she just had NO choice about. Icky and unpleasant! UGH she is such a dishonest fruitbat, and that whole NS post was just a creepily insane Daddy-valentine. Yuck.

          • she is such a dishonest fruitbat, and that whole NS post was just a creepily insane Daddy-valentine

            i want to visit the place in your mind that strung these words together.

      • To be fair, “be yourself” would be a terrible strategy for A Donkey, because her self is horrible. At least this way she’s a horrible person who has masks both social and physical, so.

    • Maybe it’s me, but does her young father bear a reaaaallly fleeting likeness to [redacted]? Look super quick. Please tell me I’m not imagining it.

    • Holee cripes. I’d just prefer the shotgun, honestly. That is some serious whackadoodle shit going on in that family. Taking the fact that this is Donkey out of the equation for a minute, a father that acts like that either has no clue what his daughter actually likes or wants in a person or just doesn’t care.

      And also, on a side note, Julie: How’s about we refrain from mentioning in detail past addictions/mental problems/other difficult issues that our ex-boyfriends might have dealt with? Just because you dated him in college doesn’t mean the entire internet now has the right to know that James was once a problem alcoholic. That might be something he prefers to talk about himself, not have people hear about it from your gaping maw. Jesus. I have dated some interesting guys in my time, and some of them had some problems, but you will never catch me elucidating them by name on a public blog. Probably because that’s private, and I have boundaries. See also obviously [Redacted] and the bipolar issue, and probably several others that I just don’t have the patience to hunt down right now. It’s gross and it’s weird and it’s extremely insensitive, but then, that’s kind of your schtick I guess.

      And seriously. Thirteen Simple Rules So My Dad Won’t Refuse to Pay for the Wedding?? BARF.

      • Btw, maybe this is where her alcohol issues come from? She’s on the lookout for James to come back in her life, and wants to show him that she would be a good AA support system. I never drink, James!

        • And of course in reality she would be the *worst* support system imaginable. Can you imagine the nagging? And then knowing whatever mistakes you might have made were going to end up on her public hobbyblog at 3:00 am with your name attached? Gah, it makes me want to drink just thinking about it.

    • Most past beaus haven’t survived his withering interrogatives.

      Tsk, tsk, the state of publishing in this country! How did “withered dickwaving” get so terribly mangled by the copyeditor?

    • For a gift, she co-opts the premise of tv sitcom ‘8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter‘ & writes some diatribe all about herself, then, because she’s a totally useless & lazy fuck, she again gives the same unfunny shit as a gift yet a 2nd time, to the same person? Kinda like the two different occasions only a few months apart when she claimed to give Little Brother Britt teevees. Geez.

  30. How about how she’s flying back to Chicago with OMGRanki and we’ve yet to hear about the upcoming root canal ordeal? Actually, we’ve yet to year about all the pain she’s been suffering while in California. Someone points out up-thread that time she said she threw her back out and then went partying–total OBO. She’s been at this for a long time.

    • Apparently, the best cure for LIFE THREATENING SINUS INFECTIONS is a trip to Burning Man; the best cure for AGONIZING BACK PAIN is dressing up in hanger straps and drinking; the best cure for SERIOUS EMERGENCY ROOT CANAL CONDITIONS is to go to parties and have tiny nerds pick you up.

      Fuck it, forget the whole “journalism” thing, I say she should go straight into medical research with these miraculous cures! I SMELL NOBEL PRIZE!

    • She threw her back out because she was blacklisted out of some joke web event- but it got much, much better after Rachel Sklar offered to get her in.

  31. I was just thinking about the number of times I refresh the page in a day to see the new comments and posts, and it’s a weird high number.. It would be interesting and cool if someone put up a link in the sidebar to Google Analytics numbers for the site.

    Do we have Google Analytics setup for this site to see the visits and page views?

  32. Well, I think we can all go home. Julia Allison Baugher just summed up the entire point of her existence on her blahgh:

    from “A” 6 hours ago
    Really? An article about single women is more important than any articles that have been written on any of the global revolutions, or you know, Occupy Wall Street?

    juliaallison Moderator 2 hours ago in reply to A
    For me, yes. 🙂

    • OK, I think this may be a first. Has she ever before so openly and honestly acknowledged that she is a self-centered narcissist who thinks SHE is the center of the universe… that her “problems” are the only thing that matter?

      As annoying as her crappy little smiley-face may be, her disarming candor here is refreshing.

      • still makes her a shitty person, but she’s obvs taking lessons from the Tim Ferris book of promoting yourself as an “honest” asshole and getting rich by doing so

      • You know, I am not sure I buy the “at least I’m honest about being an asshole!” shtick, ever.

        I mean, it’s like saying “Here’s a pound of shit! But at least it doesn’t have any pee in it!” I mean, yeah, pee is bad, too, and would be bad on its own, but the absence of pee doesn’t really make the qualitative experience of having a pound of shit handed to you any better.

  33. Is there a chance TMS is holding off her columns until Miss Advised starts filming? TMS is all over my Bravo shows info (if you click ‘info’ on from your TV’s guide for …say Real Housewives, Tribune Media Services is at the bottom of most shows. Maybe TMS is hoping to relaunch her and make her seem relevant while filming and told her to take off a while. It seems Bravo and TMS are related, so JA is an inside lateral job.

    • Is there a chance TMS is holding off her columns until Miss Advised starts filming?

      There’s a chance that any media company will do any dumbass thing, but I don’t see the strategy there. Interrupting the run of a syndicated column without explanation would hardly be an effective way to build someone’s platform in anticipation of a reality show.

      • Oh, wait, maybe I misunderstood DeLurked’s post entirely; I thought DeLurked meant that TMS was pulling A Donkey’s column in order to relaunch it with fanfare as a way of promoting the show—TMS pulling A Donkey’s column and relaunching it as a tie-in with the show is less ridiculous as a strategy, but only slightly.

        The degree of overlap between reality TV audiences and readers of newspapers is not high, so trying to chase audience for a syndicated column with a tie-in to a reality show before said show has any track record seems less than smart as a strategy. But there is nothing so foolish and illogical that some newspaper hasn’t tried it, so.

    • What you are seeing is that TMS distributes the TV listings, not the shows. I am watching the Rangers/Tigers game right now and it says TMS on my show info.

  34. Sorry for the incoherence in my last comment – I was doing 12 things at once! Thought process: TMS distributes many Bravo shows, TMS distributes Social Studies, TMS distributes Miss Advised on Bravo. JA working with TMS and Bravo. Innneresting

  35. Since donkey seems perpetually emotionally and mentally trapped in adolescence, may I suggest the latest issue of Teen Vogue?

    Cover stories:

    * Prettiest hair EVER! 6 tricks that will change your look
    * it girl ALEXA CHUNG (complete with photo spread) – from fashion insider to reality-tv star (discusses yet another new show coming out that she’ll be fronting)
    * PLUS CAREER TIPS from stylists, editors, and interns too!
    * unfriended – how to deal with feeling left out

    It’s peeeerfect.

  36. RE: her rich ex’s new fiancee — it’s pretty clear she doesn’t know her at all or talk to this guy anymore, so how did she find that random shoe video? Can you imagine how freaked out you would be if your fiance’s old college girlfriend posted a video interview you did and commented on it, just from Googling you extensively? I can tell by looking at that awful shoe closet video that Julia already thinks she has sooo much in common with this new girl. *snort* Countdown to trying to co-opt her life in 3…2…

    • “I wouldn’t mind having three closets!!!”

      Tee hee haw, Donkey, you wouldn’t mind having a fiancé, either, for values of “wouldn’t mind” that are roughly equivalent to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

      Why not go as a quivering heap of jealousy and bile (and scheme juices!) this Hallowe’en?

  37. This Social Studies Crisis of 2011 is getting out of hand. They’re rioting in the streets over in the middle east. Something must be done about this. 🙁

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/9MW8D.png[/img]

    • I can’t quite read the sign on the left—does it say “Give us Social Studies or give us depth”? Because that would about cover it.

      • hilare! (both the pic and the “depth” interpretation!)
        i love the pic of her herp derp dancing from burning man. we demand our donkey!

    • I’d like to point out that this so far is the only known image of a donkey causing men to (literally!) run from her at Burning Man events, but the trend is slowly gaining momentum & the press is beginning to take notice ….

      Thanks to our man in the street, [REDACTED], for the 1st-hand report.
      Back to you, Jacy!

      #UnoccupiedClamDungeon

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