Who Asked?

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For a variety of reasons (long distance & a career project I’m starting soon) Abs Lawyer & I decided to segue into friend territory. Bummed.

Was anyone asking? Did anyone care? But here’s a tip, idiot, maybe the fact that you were already Tweeting the shit out of your acquaintance, and that you went to NYC for a week because he said he’d like to see you again, caused him to “segue into friend territory.” Maybe give sanity and discretion a try next time. And next time. And next time. And so on. And so on. And so on.

I doubt very much it had anything to do with this:

I’m bashing my head against the wall, metaphorically. Sometimes I feel like I’ll never find a relationship that just effortlessly fits.

Her Twitter stream is also a big pity party about her various alleged ailments — eye infection, root canal. Wasn’t she just at her parents? Does no one listen to her? Does she not get any sympathy or attention at Casa Baugher, even from Nutty Granny Moneybags, and so she has to seek it from a bunch of strangers/Twitter followers?

What a sad, weird loser. The one doctor she most needs to see is the one doctor she refuses to visit.

259 COMMENTS

    • How many relationships/blooming relationships does she need to fuck up by Tweeting/blogging the shit out of them and assigning unfunny nicknames to the poor dude before he barely knows her? This is why we know she is either mentally ill or utterly stupid. Cannot. Hit. The. Learn. Button.

      p.s. Thank you for not firsting.

        • From the blogger’s standpoint, it is a bit saddening. You put up a post, and get all excited when you see 10 comments. What are these razor-sharp bitches saying??? Whose insights will be particularly hilarious this time???

          And then it’s a dozen “firsts!!!!!” For the only time in my life, I have felt Perez Hilton’s pain.

          • aw, I thought it was always ironic-amusing and just skipped the first comment with my eyes usually

            Most bloggers would cut off an appendage to get the # of comments any post on this site receives

          • It’s true, but generally I am pretty worked up when I post something and can’t wait to get to the discussion about what? Is wrong with her?

          • i’ve never fisted

            But, interesting, I guess since I’m not a lifecaster/blogger I never thought about what you feel as the authors. I sort of imagined you both running errands at your desks, besieged by important people waiting, phone lines blinking, voicemails full, 1142 unread emails,then taking a big breath, pounding out a blog post enraged and yet with laser precision analyses, then efficiently returning to your jobs and whipping things into shape before leaving at 5 o’clock on-the-dot to return to your exciting lives of sex and wine and gourmet food.

          • Bitchface: It is sort of like that, obviously. We are not random!!!

            But we still like the instant gratification of seeing someone reply almost immediately with something pithy and brilliant.

            So “first!!!” is always a bit of a disappointment.

          • I only do “firsts” now when I think a new meme has arrived in a post at the end so i can truly be first before it happens. Like wishing someone happy birthday the day before. so you can be first!….. that’s just how I roll. And that’s why ia m creepy.

          • @Natasha I LOVED the “Ashton, how can we help?” meme. “Ashton, how can we help” Forever!

          • I want the first back where they belong…

            In the middle of the thread, where it is funny.

        • That is exactly what she thinks. And the reason she feels compelled to tweet and blergh about her romantic exploits is to keep the plotline going for that [TVpilot/reality show/book/screenplay] that she prays will finally, finally make her famous and earn her the fuck you money she craves. It’s her only lifeline/fameline, and she knows it, so she cannot possibly back away.

          • I think it was the vague idea that, like Carrie B, she would somehow cobble a sellable something out of her romantic exploits: a, cough, column; a Chelsea-Handler style book of dating misadventures and paybacks (emphasis on paybacks); a screenplay that she would “write” (or more likely leave to some poor friend or intern to labor over). It’s all she really knows and she has made “dating” a key to her brand. Even her social media column has been shanghaied into dating-and-relationship territory.

            Julia Allison: I date, therefore I am.

          • curse the day that aaron spelling decided to option julia baugher’s college sex column for a potential tv show and set her on the path of famewhoring that she has been on ever since.

          • Julia is persistent in lamely attempting to spin some drama and weight into her otherwise unremarkable, short-lived, and repetitive “relationships.” At least in that godawful fictional Carrie Bradshow world, the suitors had distinct characteristics and the relationships lasted long enough for the creature to at least learn something about herself and move on.
            For the last ten years, Julia’s modus operandi has been to latch on to some third tier but not even public figure – one that has stutus she perceives as beneficial in whatever sphere/mode she is fumbling around with. With ALL of them, going back to HF jr, she has prematurely and publicly exxagerated the nature of the relationship and sent the, running, all along adding them to her narrative/list of acronyms and juvenile nick names. I don’t guve a fuck who 6Pack Lawyer or whatever the hell she calls him (even if he’s made up)- she will continue to lie and spin this stuff. What Julia continues to fail to comprehend is that she’s a terrible raconteur – none of these suitors, these stories, are interesting or intriguing other than the fact that Julia’s guilelessness, lying, backtracking, terrible behavior, and stupidity can be fascinated, as documented by her trail of poorly worded (and revised) tweets, disaster of blog, poisonous media appearances, and that through her behavior alone she has disgusted enough people to inspire a monumental and hugely clever “hate site.”. I forgot what I was saying… Oh, the nicknames… If she spent some time workin in and interacting with the real world, she’d quickly learn no one ain’t into that SATC shit no more and these stupid nicknames make it look like she is uneccesarily braggin and shit up. also most people could give a fuck who Pancakes, Ferris, Hipster Lawyer, et al. are

      • They’d been on a couple of dates, weren’t they technically still at the friendly stage??? I mean, he could not have been her, boo, beau or boyfriend in a week? She crazy.

        • Methinks Donkey splayed her hind legs to let this man into the clam dungeon. I doubt traveling cross-country for a date would be followed by anything less. Then, having received everything he wanted from her and possibly catching a whiff of the cray in addition to the greenish clams, lolyer boy ran for the hills.

        • He waited to let her know he wasn’t interested until a) they had had sex, and b) she had publicly humiliated herself by Tweeting that she was flying across the country for a booty call. Of course she’s embarrassed!

  1. She’s looking for a relationship that effortlessly fits? Indeed, nothing says “effortless” like flying across the country for a date.

    • You win.

      Seriously, what the fuck? Nothing says “I’m sad and desperate and I’ve expired” like getting on an airplane and booking myself a hotel just so some dude with take me out to dinner.

      I’m sure she’s bummed this didn’t work out since she’s probably dying to move back to NY.

      • I’m sure she’d love to start the Bravo filming with a three-dates-and-now-he’s-my-boyfriend guy to show off.

        That guy, whoever he is, is may be not as dumb as I thought. Besides, who would want to get involved with a woman who is about to start a reality show about her dating life?

        • Also WDYTYA makes a good point: what sane male would court a woman who is about to start a reality show about her dating life? Only the fameballs and nut cases will be making not-cute-boyfriend-nickname appearances in the Donkey Plotline from here on in.

        • Jason Hoppy, aka Mr. Bethenny Frankel started dating B right when she signed on for her spin-off. So, there are guys out there who are into it. I actually think Prom King would have been okay with it.

        • I totally read the post as, so he didn’t want to sign a release form to be on the teevees. How draconian of him.

      • Book a hotel? This is Julia Baugher, her “hotels” are random people’s couches or guest bedrooms. Sometimes for a week at a time. So. Blessed!

  2. Oh yay. Another ex-date (um….. how embarrassing to even say he’s an ex after three damn dates) that she declares a BFF. And then he never speaks to/sees her again. I think by “friends” she means “stalk him until he cuts off all contact and is completely creeped out.”

    • ca·reer/kəˈri(ə)r/
      Noun: An occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress.

      Reality show = career? lulz

  3. What a dummy… she cites/sites/sights the reasons for the breakup, then is “bummed” by a supposed mutual decision. Yeeeeeeeah. He called it quits and she was/is upset about it, having given him a name and all. Plenty of local low-maintenance tail to be had for sure. Julia – he wasn’t that into you and probably caught the batshit sooner rather than later.

    • The well-publicized Jack McCain debacle alone would be enough to send anyone with an ounce of sense fleeing for the hills. How can she not see the damage that she did to herself by lying about having lived with the guy via news release/Twitter/her stupid shitty blog? That was just so fucked up, and destined to come back to haunt her for a long, long time. She is just such a dumb dickhead.

      • Surely her parents recognize that her inability to keep from broadcasting these “relationships,” usually more along the lines of dates that her messed up mind construes as something more, is the reason for the constant failures? Petey Booger doesn’t need to read here to figure that out. Or are the embarrassing C&D letters, the public talks dedicated to disowning free speech, etc., the Booger denial and projection plan?

        • Pettifogger tried issuing his daughter a C&D because she’s repeatedly defaming herself, but his legal acumen couldn’t stand up to the heralded “that was WEEKS ago!” and “I meant it at the time!” legal strategies.

    • Also, can you really break up and “segue” (BARF) into friend territory after 2.5 dates? Christ, what a stage 5 clinger.

    • she’s just bummed that she used a whole week’s worth of brain power to think of his codename, and now it’s useless. RIP Abs Lawyer, we hardly knew ye.

  4. Who in their right mind would want to date a person on a reality show about relationships? Especially if you are an attorney. All downside

    • Makes me wonder how the show is going to work. The women are going to have a difficult time finding men who’ll go out with them. The guys who are willing are probably going to need to be fameball losers like the women. Sounds like a set-up for disaster. It’ll give Julia Allison ample opportunity for broadcasting her pity parties, though. Too bad she’ll be so hated that the only fan mail she gets will be from 20 year old future interns and creepy, desperate men wanting a date after the show is over.

      • How are they going to bill it? MORE CRAY ON DISPLAY THAN ‘HOARDERS’!! TACKIER THAN ‘JERSEY SHORE’ AND ‘DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES’ COMBINED!

        • extreme couponing taken to the next level, combined with hillybilly handfishin’*: Extreme Midwestern Griftin’

          *seriously, love that show, though i can’t fucking understand the concept or how it ever got on tv.

    • Where the fuck is she going to be located during this reality show shoot? Chicago? Bravo surely isn’t going to send around a camera crew as she bounces around major domestic hubs. And if she is going to be stuck in Chicago… booooring. She obviously hasn’t cultivated any kind of life there.

      • I don’t know how these things work, so if she is stuck in Chicago, what is she going to do during filming except spend 5 minutes crowd-sourcing her column and another 25 minutes writing it on the day it’s due? She doesn’t know anything about the city she grew up in. Going out for her means going to Schlub 51, cultural activity means going to the Princeton Club (or whatever it’s called) with her parents, shopping means going to Nordstrom, and dining out means going to her dad’s birthday party in the suburbs. The only other thing she’s ever been known to do in Chicago is occasionally take her dog out for a poop in the courtyard and go to the gym a few times.

        And if Bravo is going to follow her around the country, are the people she usually hangs with cool with having a camera on them? Are they going to have access to her so very important and frequent meetings? Will we get to see her embarrass herself at Cancer Dan’s wedding? (Please, Bravo, make it so.)

          • But the OMGdowntown condo may be a good “set”? Not quite Zsa-Zsa Gabor’s Park Ave penthouse, she’ll probs be stuck dating similar “squares” to offset her “sassy”.

            It really sounds like a NO-GO.

        • I agree that they’d only get ten minutes worth of footage of if they showed up at the Chicago condo, so instead it’ll probably be based on events she goes to, like Fashion Week or something like that. Even Newlyweds, back in the day, was like that; an episode would consist of them going to the Kentucky Derby, and hilarity would ensue. Needless to say, all her “events” will be ginned up non-events.

        • [C]ultural activity means going to the Princeton Club (or whatever it’s called) with her parents

          It’s the UNIVERSITY Club. That kills me every time. Apparently it was founded by some folks who were like, “All the ivies have alumni clubs with swanky chandeliers and twin staircases and ballrooms and wainscoting and shit. I wasn’t smart or connected enough to get into one, but at least I went to some university somewhere at some point! There should be a fancy-pantsy club for alumni such as ourselves… exclusive of the REAL lower class, not the likes of us! COLLEGE!”

  5. segue into friend territory

    Exactly what territory did they segue out of?
    ~ Third-date Territory?
    ~ I’m-Just-Not-That-Into-You Territory?
    ~ I-Don’t-Do-Two-Hour-Phone-Convos-Twice-A-Day Territory?
    ~ You-Have-Your-Own-Laptop-Why-Do-You-Need-To-Use-Mine Territory?

  6. JuliaAllison: Aww! RT @brit: Our pup @PixelMorin just completed his 8th flight in three weeks & didn’t make a peep the entire time. #travelingpuppywonder

    Aww! Someone copy that to the ASPCA, cuz it’s just. that. cute. #FUCKWITS

    • My kitty, who is normally quite the talker, was completely silent on her first (and only) airplane trip. I didn’t think it was cute; I assumed it was because she was scared out of her little kitty mind.

    • What’s wrong with these people?! Flying a puppy around 8 TIMES in under a month? Giving it Starbucks lattes? Putting it on twitter? I think you need to have had a lobotomy to be employed by Facebook, it’s official.

    • I have always had dachshunds and the times I have had to fly with them (actually I’ve only flown with one at the time) are always so fraught for me. If it goes well I’m not like Oh, Cute! I’m like oh, phew, and I hope they get over the trauma soon. And EIGHT TIMES in 3 eff-ing weeks??? Some people shouldn’t own dogs. Or they should wait until they are at a point in there lives when they aren’t traveling so much. Or just leave the pooch at home with a pet-sitter! I don’t know. That’s just my opinion. I believe in doing whatever works for you, and maybe this pup just LOVES flying and being with his owners, but I can’t imagine that is really the case.

      • This is why my cat-man and I won’t get a cat. We both travel a lot for work, sometimes with a week’s notice. The idea of burdening a baby kitten with this strikes both of us as really terrible, as much as we really want to get one.

        • See? You are a grown-up. And someday you will make terrific cat parent when the time is right. 🙂

        • We have a dog and a young cat, both of whom love being around us. We recently took 5-day trip with the dog and left the cat at home to be checked in on every day or two by a cat-loving neighbor. When we came home we had to coax her out of the closet she usually hides in when no one is at home and she wouldn’t start talking to us again for several hours after we returned (like mule on rouge, we’ve got a chatty catty) . I’m sure she’s totally fine; people do this sort of thing with their cats all the time. But it still broke my heart a little bit to leave her.

          Why can’t Julia bring herself to just once admit that she wishes things could be different for Lilly, that she wouldn’t have to travel so much with or without her, that she could be around that dog much more often, that cuddling with Lilly makes her day that much better. For me, every day I am at work I look forward to coming home to, hanging out with, and loving on the animals.

          It’s like she couldn’t even give a crap about that dog except when she needs Lilly to pose for pictures to prove she’s not a horrible mom.

    • I hate these people.

      And WTF is a “Mini Bernedoodle” anyway? Sorry, but idiots who fly to fucking Canada and pay thousands of fucking dollars for what is essentially an overpriced mutt infuriate me. If you want a cute little mutt, go to a fucking shelter! Or if you want a particular breed, there are breed-specific rescue organizations all over the country where you can find exactly what you’re looking for.

  7. Surely her parents recognize that her inability to keep from broadcasting these “relationships,” usually more along the lines of dates that her messed up mind construes as something more, is the reason for the constant failures? Petey Booger doesn’t need to read here to figure that out. Or are the embarrassing C&D letters, the public talks dedicated to disowning free speech, etc., all part of the Booger family denial and projection plan?

    • Sorry for repost. I keep getting messages indicating that responses are not posting to RBD.

  8. As someone who has had to have some pretty gnarly dental work in the past,* how can someone who’s all sorts of obsessed with her teeth need a ROOT CANAL? That’s some legit shit right there. That’s definitely a sign of someone who a) lacks proper oral hygiene; b) hoovers the shit out of some sugar; and c) should put down the sugar water BPC “juice” before all her chiclets need replacing (again).

    *Mine was from falling off a bike, not from stuffing my chipmunk cheeks with OMGCUPCAKES.

    • Mine was from eating popcorn kernels. I totally cracked a molar doing that. Kids, be warned: Do not eat the popcorn kernels!

      • Mine was from opening a beer bottle w/ my teeth.

        As a kid, the dentist had my mom get me tested for Diabetes because it was apparent that I was ingesting far too much sugar. Extensive dental work turned me off of sweets forever.

        #The sound of ANY drill makes my jaws ache.

      • Jacy, my sister and I used to fight over particular popcorn kernels and she always won because she was bigger and meaner. And then! When she was in her thirties she tots broke her most fierce popcorn tooth, which made me the winner in eternity and throughout the universe, by default.

    • Adderall is notorious for causing jaw clenching, teeth grinding, and dry mouth. I’m dealing with all three, and it’s costing me a small fortune in dental work.

      Related: I had to pay triple for my generic Adderall the last two months. Can’t wait for this ingredient shortage, price-rigging bullshit to end.

      • Question for you, Mule on Rouge, and other catladies. I am 33 and have recently been diagnosed ADHD-PI. Any advice for me?? I have been ignoring the diagnosis as much as possible because I just can’t deal and it is somewhat stigmatic for me. It explains pretty much everything I’ve struggled with, but the thought of having to see psychiatrists and be on meds and all of that is just overwhelming.

        • I don’t have ADHD, but I do have a pretty honking big anxiety disorder that landed me in the hospital once (panic attacks! They’re a load a fun). All I can tell you is follow up with the treatment. You’ve been diagnosed, and that’s often the hardest bit. Don’t let it be stigmatizing for you–it’s no different than if you had a chronic condition like migraines or kidney stones. Seeing a psychiatrist or therapist and being on meds is not some sign that you’re crazy. In fact, if you can acknowledge there’s something hindering your life, and you seek help for it, that’s the the smartest, healthiest thing you can do. And it seems to me that ADHD in particular requires some help learning how to navigate a world that’s not really set up with you in mind. Requesting help for that is about as insane as consulting a map when you’re in unfamiliar territory. 😉

          There’s a lot of people like you on here. For a more in-depth discussion of Adult ADHD specifically, there were a lot of good comments about coping, literature, and meds in this thread, starting here:
          https://rebloggingdonk.com/2011/09/26/omg-i-am-a-special-snowflake-drinking-coffee/#comment-268682

          Best of luck to you, SP. A diagnosis does not define who you are. And the people who love you now won’t love you any less because you’ve got some “label”. If you’ve been struggling, then it’s time to get some help–it’s out there. I think you’ll see a lot will change for the better when you do. Just take it slow, give it time, try not to get too overwhelmed, and remember it’s only crazy to refuse to ask for help when you need it.

          • Thank you so much for your compassion. It’s amazing how kind people have been about this. I’m a professor and managed to get 90% done with my PhD undiagnosed, but I’ve been white knuckling my whole life and I wish I could see the diagnosis as something freeing that will allow me to take some of my self-judgment off of myself. I have no particular objection to being on meds and have spent years in therapy for other reasons, so at least I’ve crossed those barriers in other ways – it just feels like another mountain to scale that I just don’t have the energy for right now. But I’ll try. Thanks for the support.

          • I read that as ‘www.chrishansen.net’ and thought, ‘Huh. Why would a cat lady be referring other cat ladies to the To Catch A Predator guy?

        • Skirt Pull, sorry I didn’t see your question sooner. I can tell you that finally getting a correct diagnosis and getting prescribed Adderall changed my life. It’s not a “high” for folks like us; it’s a concentration enhancer. Now when I start tons of craft and home improvement projects, I ACTUALLY FINISH THEM.

          I never knew I was capable of sitting in a chair and focusing on something complicated for hours at a time. At my old job, I wore a path from my desk to the coffee pot, drinking vats of it to keep myself from nodding off in front of my computer.

          As for psychiatrists, I checked their websites and found one who posted articles related to my condition, along with information about potential treatment and meds. I had to go once a month for the first 4 months, to get the right balance, and now I only go once every 3 months for a med check.

          Concerning stigma, I haven’t experienced anything, really. Most people have someone in their life with ADD, depression, bipolar disorder, etc. and don’t blink an eye. It’s a chemical imbalance, not a weakness or a failure. You deserve to feel better!

          • Thank you so much, MOR. I wrote a longer response but it was eaten by the cybersharks. I’m coming around to the point where I accept the diagnosis instead of denying it, and it helps to know how much it’s helped others. Lots of regrets right now, mostly for the mean way I’ve treated myself throughout my life (self-judgment as lazy, etc) and reframing in the context of this new info. Helpful to remember that I’ve always been this way, now I just have data that helps explain what has always been unexplainable to me. Thanks again, I appreciate the support.

    • Hey, you know who else needs lots of dental work? People who vomit a lot. Stomach acids rot your teeth like nothing else.

    • I have two side (?) residual baby teeth (one fell out a couple of months ago, the other is getting loose- they’re supposed to start coming out by themselves around expiration date- I was lucky to get a few more years). I was freaking out because they cost a lot of money to replace (insurance won’t cover because it’s cosmetic). After I lost the first one, I was pleasantly surprised that unless I smile real wide (which I NEVER do), no one can notice. I was also relieved to be rid of it since it was bugging the he’ll out of my for over a year. Also, i’ve been living in Baltimore and pretty much every one is missing teeth so I feel a bit of solidarity now, that in more – you know, meth mouth without actually having to do meth.
      This weekend visiting my folks my mom was horrified, even though she didn’t even notice the missing tooth until I pointed it out. this is very Baugher-like ( though my family is completely dissimilar thank god) but I’m getting two new teeth for Christmas(once the other one falls out).
      *I’m in an MFA program and paying my own way plus a mortgage so there’s no way I could afford a cosmetic procedure – my mom is worried about me getting a job looking like, as she put it,”I’d been in a fight.”

      • Haha, what kind of job are you going to get with an MFA?

        (kidding, KIDDING, sorry, my mom has an MFA and a good job. Lots of FA joshing in these parts)

        Also, Baltimore! Woo! It’s true, we’re all missing teeth.

        • Ha, with the MFA I was hoping to have the option to teach design on an university level (while the economy us tanking – but I’m a design theory/history geek by heart and would like to instill some of that legacy to others so that that the young uns would be more informed and effective designers) but as Julia points out in previous RBN post, all I really need to do is hangnout with smarter folk I can learn from and the rest is osmosis
          and right and natural “secret”success. (She’s so dismissive of the people in the trenches I say). Tell that to my student loans, which I’m actually proud of – this MFA has been a goal didn’t think I could pull off or afford – because I spent the majority of young professional life farting around with (more capable, smarter, axcomplished) Julia-types in the advertising,
          media and fashion world.
          Sooo “parenthetical” today. should I tweet that? Ha.
          It makes me happy that there are RBNS/RBD folk in Baltimore! Maybe someday we should have a social.

    • not to defend Julie, but cavities can be from stress, not just evil sugar.

      *my cracks were from opening stubborn pistachios, so not worth it.

      • Likelihood of developing cavities can just be genetic, too. Some people have worse teeth than others.

        Growing up, I never drank tap water so I didn’t get enough fluoride. I had a cavity or two every year!

        I had a root canal a few months ago (my first and I hope last) because an old filling “sunk.” Apparently they can do that. It was striking the nerve of my tooth, which was incredibly painful. The root canal itself was honestly not so bad but I hated paying for it. Good-bye $2000 for root canal + crown.

        That fucking sucked. Where’s Jules going to get $2000? Is she going to sell off another bridesmaids dress?

        • My experience several years ago was similar. Bad cavity -> big filling -> eventual infection + swelling + pain. (I had to have my cheek at the gumline drained, just to give you an awful idea.) Had an immediate root canal that was so uncomfortable. They kept giving me more & more novocaine injections to try to make it hurt less. Even though I had dental insurance, it kicked off some credit card debt problems that took awhile to pay off.

          I’m prone to cavities and now take excellent care of my teeth. *shudder*

    • Some people have soft enamel. Terrible teeth on my father’s side. Like I needed two root canals before I was 10 and i wasn’t a sugar freak. It happens.

  9. They went on three dates… THREE dates? I wouldn.’t tell my *diary* about three dates.

    Also, ‘distance/career’ = Pancakez express.

    • He finally got around to checking out her Facebook page and, almost immediately, the screeching violins from the shower scene in Psycho began stabbing into his brain.

  10. After 3 dates you can’t really consider that other person a friend so much as an acquaintance who you might have given a hand-job.

    How she gets them past 3 dates (or at all) is beyond me. I am pretty good at reading people but I know some people have a hard time doing that sometimes. So maybe these victims of hers just have really bad “crazy” radar or are blinded by what will probably be an easy lay.

  11. Any chance she’s using these illnesses to get out of something? What was her travel schedule supposed to be again?

    • Yeah, like taking her houseguest to the airport (“Call a cab!”) or taking care of her own damn dog (“Mom$er! Lilly shit again & I need more chicken broth!”)

    • And an eye infection? Gross. Donkey obvi got pink eye from a dirty airplane airport bathroom. Wash your hooves, Donkey!

        • So gross. I love makeup and have dropped more money at Sephora than I care to admit but I can’t imagine being vain enough for fucking eyelash extensions.

          • I’ll admit it… I got them about two years ago, I think it was. A friend of mine who owned a salon offered to try them on me. Now, I know that they come both individually applied or as a full set. I chose the individually applied ones (hers look like a full set, to me). They were okay, but I felt *obvious* like I was trying too hard. Man, I couldn’t wait to take them off- think I lasted about a month. AND! after I took them off, I felt like my regular lashes were weaker, much like after you remove acrylic fingernails. Just my experience, YMMV

          • Yeah, my friend got eyelash extensions and when they fell out, so did her real eyelashes. They damage your lashes much like extensions damage your real hair.

            I just got Maybelline “Falsies” mascara and it’s awesome BTW.

  12. So she now has someone taking pictures of the photographer that is taking pictures of her?

    Wow!! The sadness of the Donkey and her same-old same-old pouty face have reached terminal stage.

  13. A certain Gawker employee shares that JA is supremely miffed that she has fallen off their radar. PS Krystal and Asha feel the 6pk lawyer guy was a ruse. Oh, say it ain’t so!

    • Oooh juicy. And I’m sure she’s pissed. It seems to me that Gawker has officially put her on a do not write about list. Back in the day, that ellsberg party and her association with Tucker Max would surely have at least gotten a post. Poor poor donk must be so frustrated!

    • Ha, the old “I’ll pretend I have a date in NYC, in order to get a different guy in NYC to date me” ploy. I’m surprised that didn’t work out.

      I’m loving that Gawker didn’t take the bait. I just went there, and the T-Mobile pink frock babe suddenly appeared. Scared me a bit.

    • If it’s a ruse, it’s a pretty poorly played ruse. Who makes up something that makes herself sound so desparate and sad.

    • p.s. I don’t understand how you stay friends with someone you suspect lies all the time. That is something I could not do. I would read her the riot act and end the friendship. Sort of like how Rambo and Jordan did. I admire those two for having the principles to totally end their friendships with her. The enablers only make her feel it’s OK to continue living her life as a lying sleazeball.

      • I know it’s really lame. But I don’t think unwavering moral compass would be a characteristic readily ascribed to either Asha or COO Kahler.

      • Jacy, funny, people have said that to me because one of my best friends is a notorious, outrageous liar. I actually think it’s funny because I know not to take her seriously. It’s just a weird, chronic, uncontrollable tick of hers. If she had eggs for breakfast, she’ll tell you she had cereal.

        She’s nowhere near the leagues of Julia Allison, though. She’s basically just like a harmless story-teller who makes shit up for no reason. Julia is not only a liar, she’s a malicious liar.

        My liar friend is one of the best people I know. When it comes to counting on her to do something, she’ll never let you down. If one of my parents were in trouble (I live 3000 miles from home), she’d be the person I’d call to ask them to check up on them. I just really like her.

        • I hav e a friend like this. She’s a hot mess, drug problems in the past…jumps from guy to guy who she uses to support her/pay her rent. But she’s also a good friend to me and has been there more than most “normal” people I know. So I feel ya. But months go by and we don’t talk because her life is seriously that much of a shitshow.

      • I know someone like this and I think why some people stay “friends” is they hate the person so much (Julia) but they want a front row seat to the freak show.

    • But Gawker destroyed her life!!!!!

      This is why I do not feel guilty about writing this site. She is so desperate for attention and seeks it out in the press, so she kind of deserves the negative attention thrown at her.

    • Confused. I thought Gawker stopped covering her years ago, why would she still be pissed/talk about it?

      • Because she still holds fiercely to the hope that if she pulls just the right stunt ($1700 auction bid!), just the right guy (pancakes, Sir Tucks-a-lot), just the right contract, Gawker’s interest in her will sputter back to life. She must have thought they couldn’t ignore the whole Tucker Max episode, or Burning Man and the ass cheeks, so it has gotta burn plenty that they ain’t biting.

          • so double burn that she can’t get them to feature her latest desperate hijinks. The woman wants some traction over there. And she wants it on a consistent basis, like in the Good Old Days.

        • Oh she has to be completely miffed that they haven’t taken the bait about her new reality show. Can you imagine how many press releases or however that shit works that they have gotten??? She and those behind this show are prob desperate as hell to have them write about it. I hope they ignore it…it’s awesome sauce!!!!!!

  14. Three dates? More like one or two …

    JuliaAllison: Or actually, I suppose it’s really a first date, now that I think about it. As our date on Wednesday was sort of … accidental. Hmm. | – Sep 18, 2011 8:04 PM

    • Cheap hookup, a legit date, she then makes a week long trip for the next date and it’s over. OMG why is she so dumb and desperate?!

      • Serious answer: because people (not just the giant media machine, which certainly does this, but almost certainly actual people in her life as well) have told her that she is nothing without a man.

        The sad thing is that if she had invested the vast amounts of money and time she has spent turning herself into a cyborg gargoyle in pursuit of movie-star good looks into ACTUALLY WORKING ON HER PERSONALITY, she would be a much happier person and far more likely to find a loving and interesting partner.

        • Imagine A Donkey who had never had any plastic surgery, who had spent her money and time learning stuff, working to improve her professional skills, building lasting friendships with people, and perhaps getting some therapy to work through her many bound volumes of issues.

          A reasonably cute suburban girl with a decent edumacation who works hard at a job, who has good friends, and who is easy-going and fun to be with. Now, yeah, we all know people in that situation who are still in the position of wanting a partner or spouse and not having one, but it isn’t poisoning their lives and making them hateful to be around!

          • You don’t love your front loader, Stalker? I have a new front-load stackable washer-dryer combo and I love them so much I refer to them as my Favorite Children. I mean, in front of my real children.

          • I do not. They are down in the basement which is a problem I will rectify right after hitting the lottery but the rubber seal is DISGUSTINGLY MOLDY and if you forget your load for a couple of HOURS you have to re run it. I have failed to succeed in cleaning the mold off.

            I would much rather have a 15 year old Maytag top-loader than this Bosch piece of cray.

            I am going to buy a dehumidifier on rec. from my mom but I am so frustrated with this thing.

            Sigh. Your poor poor children. They are probably pressing their wee noses against the window as you Hug the Washing Machine (tm Small Town Fashionista). Shame on you.

          • I too have a front-loader in the basement and I keep a tub of Clorox wipes down there specifically to wipe away the mold on the gasket because WHY THE FUCK DOES IT GET MOLD ON THE GASKET WHAT GENIUS DESIGNED THAT

            so I feel your pain

          • Ditto on the Clorox wipes, Albie. They’re also a must for wiping the cat hair out of both the W&D.

            A friend is on her 3rd warranty-replaced front-loader because apparently they won’t drain properly in an old house on pier & beam foundation w/ overhead plumbing.

          • I hated, HATED, my LG frontloader. It didn’t clean my clothes well and it stunk to high heaven of mildew and all the clothes did too unless you removed them seconds after the cycle ended. I tried everything, EVERYTHING, to get rid of the stink and the mildew and nothing worked. An appliance repairman says they’re a huge scam and that he gets more calls about front-loading washing machines than anything else.

            And you’re not really saving much energy/water if you have to wash your clothes twice or more to get the dirt/the mildewy stink out. It was a happy, happy day when I moved into my new place and it had an old-fashioned top loader.

          • Stalker, I internet marry you one thousand times for the STF dryer hug photo. Oh laws.

  15. Hey, Donkey …

    Maybe ABS(ent) JD envisions a relationship w/you as …
    [img]http://www.ex-boyfriendcollection.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/bull_donkey.jpg[/img]
    … having his sex life on pub(l)ic display for the cameras.

  16. is Julia Allison Baugher doing a Keystone Light commercial outtake above?

    [img]http://www.adrants.com/images/keith_stone_kiki.jpg[/img]

  17. What is up with her blog lately. She’s posting like a 20-something who just got out of college and is finally realizing what the real world is like. The shit she’s posting was all over LiveJournal ten years ago.

    • From time to time I think she is really just doing this to wind us up and is the world’s biggest troll.

      • I sort of like this idea.[img]http://sdow.semanticweb.org/2008/pub/slides/SDoW2008-slides-Beyond-Walled-Gardens-Open-Standards-for-the-Social-Web/troll.jpg[/img]

    • And then that stupid “There’s always an asshole on the internet” video. Yeah, and that asshole is YOU. And guess what, there is always a person of any description on the internet because MOST OF THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD ARE ON THE INTERNET AND EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. Just because YOU put up with the bullshit that is your life doesn’t mean the rest of us want to do the same. We’re gonna call out assholes just like we would in real life. Have you never had a gossip session over lunch with a girlfriend? That’s what this website is, 24/7, and it fucking rocks.

      That fucking smug cowboy singer feeling victimized and superior because everyone isn’t kissing his ass can suck a bag of dicks.

    • Shit, if Donkey were Pinocchio she’d have to get daily nose reduction surgery to keep her proboscis in the same zip code as the rest of her.

      • speaking of, one of the persistent keyword searches used to find this site is “donkey pinocchio”. “bunny boiler” is also pretty common.

        • Oh noes! Won’t someone please think of the children!? Julia Allison is MUCH scarier than Donkey Pinocchio!

    • Yes. Like Donald Trump and real estate, she inherited a lot of fail from her parents, and has managed to parlay it into a media presence synonymous with fail.

      They also share a commitment to Spackle Motion pelts.

  18. speaking of the bravo pilot….when was the last time donkey filmed one of those jetblue back-of-seat shopping clips? citybuzz, is that what it was? anyone….anyone…baugher?
    another burned bridge!

    • I remember when I went to NYC for the first time a while ago and I saw the TV in the back of the cab fromt he airport. I almost rolled down the window and jumped out because I was so worried that Julesie was going to pop up on my screen and completely ruin my first impressions of the city.

  19. My speculation on Lilly:

    1. Something so bad happened to her, and it was JA’s fault, and she can’t milk it for sympathy so she says nothing.

    2. She gave Lilly away and once agan can’t milk it for sympathy so she says nothing.

    Either way, it gives me teh sadz.

    • No, she has to keep Lilly for the Bravo show. You know she thinks Lilly will be the next Giggy or Grandma Wrinkles. Yes, I do watch too much Bravo, why do you ask?

    • IF she tries to milk Lilly, that will be the final straw. I will perform an extraction mission with Earth First or the ALF or whoever does that army shit for animals and liberate that dog.

      Dogs are not to be milked. I don’t care how tasty or trendy it is.

      • It’s so cute how you say “IF”. She absolutely will. All of those hideous Housewives use their pets. Julia will be no different. If Andy Cohen told her she would become the most famous
        Bravo-lebrity of them all by kidnapping her grandmother Julia would be at the Pancake House with chloroform and a garbage bag within minutes.

      • Ya know, she treats Lilly every bit as well as she treats human beings. She’s always using people as props, too. She’s currently using Julia Price as a token friend to try and make herself feel less awkiefail about her brother having a tinycute spouse to show off to the family, and she’s using her family as prop Waltons with Julia Price and her retarded sideways blog as her audience for that bit of distortion.

        Famewhore ouroboros, indeed. (Anyone grabbing that as a username??)

  20. It just dawned on me that due to her Bravo show, Andy Cohen might have Donkerina on Watch What Happens Live! Can you IMAGINE the possibilities!?!?!

    My predictions:
    *whore makeup (duh)
    *peltspeltspeltspelts that she will pet with her sausage fingers the whole time
    *Either hot pink, white-out, or puke green nail polish
    * She’ll wear those awful hot pink hooves she wore at Fashion Week
    *The braying… oh god, the braying!!
    *Andy Cohen will eat her alive
    *Her retarded face mugging will keep us catladies awash in gifs and screencaps for at least a year.

  21. I want the two Julias to start a business called Ilowiecki and Baugher, just to pay tribute to their discarded surnames.

    Also, look at all the prop snuggles with Lil(l)ymal(l)ow! It’s almost like Donkey really cares!

  22. Yes Julia, amidst all of the social media buzz about the Occupy Wall Street protests and whatnot, what is first and foremost on my mind is your pathetic dating life.

    Actually, maybe I’m glad that the Occupy Wall Street stuff isn’t on her radar yet. I’m sure whatever she has to say will make me dislike her even more.

    • #OccupyWallStreet is too new & fresh to have generated memorable quotes, so yeah, Donkey is oblivious to what hasn’t yet been written for the airport-caliber literature she marks up.

    • STOP BULLYING WALL STREET!
      WHO WILL SAVE ALL THE TRADERS?

      and finally

      THERE IS NO JUDGEMENT AT GOLDMAN SACHS!

  23. Wait, so… Julia Price is now getting all intimate with the Bogger clan up in the lake house. WHAT can her family possibly be thinking?

    As the years go by, there is always some new person she is showing off to her family. And then usually that person is never heard from again. Does her family not see the cycle? Do they understand that there is a reason that these people go away?

  24. JA’s latest FB status: she is exhausted spiritually, mentally and physically and would like to crawl under her covers.

    • Honey. I know life’s hard when everyone from The Chicago Tribune to Tucker Max is telling you that you were just a one night stand.

    • but…. but… she’s a sugar free ex Burner who had an amazing spiritual awakening in the desert who believes you only have to work 4 hours per day for whom the very act of wearing clothes is an artform?????

      how could she possibly feel anything but extremely excellent?????

  25. Do we think there is going to be a column tomorrow? How will the good people of Contra Costa and Calcutta survive if A Donkey is still under her covers?

    • Julia’s last column was so unprintable that most of the words in it were edited out. On an unrelated note, it also contained a lot of swearing.

      I don’t think TMS will officially dump her for a while yet, but I think they unofficially dumped her a while ago; I bet they’re waiting as the number of papers running her column declines to about zero so no one (Peter Baugher, Esq.) can complain when her dumping is made official.

      Know what? Julia’s column would be less grating as a blog. The writing style and topic (not to mention quality) would be less at odds with the medium.

  26. Julia Allison
    At my orthodontist’s now. They had to move root canal to next week, after my trips to LA & SF. One more week of fun / pain. Awesome.
    8 minutes ago

    Why is she even going to LA or SF?? Are a Runyon Canyon hike and a visit with facebook’s sister worth a week of pain??

    • Evidently, pain relief from Julia inventing shit to make herself feel serious and busy and important > pain relief from surgically fixing a problem with her face. Admittedly, there are many problems with her face, so she may feel like fixing just one is a lost cause.

    • Aaaaaand the title of this post again shows it’s relevance.

      Why are you compelled to tell your audience you had a root canal? That shit is gross. Why not tell us about your every bowel movement and trimming your nut hair? Tweet your period so we can follow your cycle and PMS! GOD your life is interesting! What a megastar you are! Did you pick your noise today?

      Did you notice anything about anyone else today? Anyone. You fucking self-centered cunt, all you want is a little endorphin rush from some nameless stranger on twitter saying “awwww”. You know what else gives you endorphins? PETTING YOUR DOG! Oh wait. If no one sees you do it, it might as well not have happened because you are only as cool as how others perceive you, isn’t that true? AND ISN’T IT TRUE YOU FEEL NO SHAME? DOUBLE NEGATIVE MY ASS ANSWER ME!

      ISN’T IT TRUE THAT YOU REFUSE TO SEE A SHRINK BECAUSE THEY WOULD IMMEDIATELY BRAND YOU A FUCKING SOCIOPATH THAT SHOULD BE REMOVED LIKE A NECROTIC SKIN TAG FROM OUR SOCIETY BECAUSE YOU CONTRIBUTE NOTHING, NEVER WILL, AND ARE JUST A DRAIN ON THE RESOURCES OF THOSE THAT MAKE LIFE NOT A LIVING HELL.

      Sorry I got a bit verklempt. What I meant was, root canal? Sympathy? I’m smugly enjoying the fact you are uncomfortable. Julia, I wouldn’t even spit on you if your pelts caught on fire because you tried lighting all 54 (that’s how old you are, right?) birthday candles with a blowtorch. If I heard you screaming for help, I’d drown it out with laughter! Sympathy for your fucking tooth. You have an audience of 23,000 people you could , oh, I donno, ask to donate to RAINN to offset the damage and outrage your little “tee hee I’m a paid-for whore that you can rape for $1700 (not donated to charity)” stunt. But no. Nope. Your teeth. THEY MATTER. THEY FEEL PAIN.

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