Get A New Dentist


At my orthodontist’s now. They had to move root canal to next week, after my trips to LA & SF. One more week of fun / pain. Awesome.

Really? I have had two root canals. Both were done almost immediately because I was in a lot of pain and when there’s a lot of pain, that means infection and the risk of an abscess, which can be deadly because, you know, your teeth are close to your frigging brain. Of course, maybe Donk is lacking a brain — her noggin is simply filled with bile and scheme-juices and hissing man-hungry weasels — so that might not be a concern.

A. Why is an orthodontist, and not a dentist, telling her this?

B. What orthodontist or dentist would say: “Huh. You’re in a lot of pain, are you? We’ll wait a week, then.”

Once again, something smells rotten in Donk-mark.


    • So many questions about the Donk right now. She’s cloaked in an equine blanket of lies and enigmas. She’s an equigma.
      1. Where did Lilly go?
      2. Where did Greasy go?
      3. Where did your Chicago Tribune webpages go?
      4. …I know there are plenty more. Help, catfuckers?

      • Exactly. This smells just like the doctor diagnosing her, prescribing her an antibiotic and banning her from flight over the phone. Oops, sorry Billow, doctor’s orders!!!

      • Or maybe she doesn’t know the different between orthodontist and periodontist.

        Never understimate the ignorance of the Donkey.

  1. Ughhhhh there is NOTHING worse than someone who complains about minor inconvenient pain: stuff like a cold, minor dental work, sore throat, etc. Shut the fuck up, Julia. You are not a speshul snowflake.

    I have two friends who do this all the time: Friend 1 complains that her stomach hurts. Got checked for gluten intolerance/celiac/Crohn’s/cancer/everything else. Her doctors told her to change up her diet and start exercising to see what happens, in a “Stop being a fucking hypochondriac” manner. I really think there’s nothing wrong with her, she just loves the attention of saying, “They can’t find what’s wrong with me! Should I schedule another test to check for tumors?! I might have a tumor!!!” Friend 2 complains on facebook for every minor ache and pain, like anyone gives a shit about her earache. UGH. Shut up, bitches!

    There is most definitely something rotten in the state of Donkmark, as I can tell from my Ph.Donk degree. There is an opportunity coming up that she either wants to go to and wasn’t invited to or doesn’t want to go to and is trying to back out of. She only pulls out the medical drama shit when she’s trying to either save face for not being a part of something or trying to back out of a commitment. My thesis statement: Donk is nervous about being portrayed as Danielle Staub/Bravo Villian on the new reality show. Mayhaps she will back out for “medical reasons?”

    • Right? I mean, I think it’s safe to assume we care about the well-being and health of our friends and family (or… most of them, anyway), but it doesn’t mean anyone wants a play-by-play of anyone’s maladies.

      Oh, your teeth hurt? Oh, wow, you have a migraine? Oh, explosive diarrhea? Oh, you found a tumor complete with teeth and hair and eyelash extensions?

      Unless… Münchausen müch?

      (Yes, I absolutely had to.)

    • I’ve noticed her ailments (but she never gets sick) coincide with the level of cray. IMO she’s found a new way to get attention/sympathy and it’s quite pathological.

      • Yeah, think about it:
        *Column in the shitter
        *Just got “dumped” by dude she went on three dates with
        *Just hung out with her family including Tiny’N’Cute Julia Price and Allie, who probably got all the attention.
        *No more BM or Fashion Week where she can be photographed every five minutes.

        How else can a Donkey get attention? Why not just fake an illness!?

        • IDK about faking but blowing out of proportion a routine exam/medical problem seems to be her MO.

    • There is something rotten in Denmark because she diagnosed herself as maybe needing a root canal before the doctor did. How would she know?

      I’m wondering if all her couch surfing opportunities dried up in LA/SF and this is her way of saving face?

  2. Prof. Camping recommends Momsers Dandelion Tea & Chicken Broth (R)(TM) for all your Donkey-related ailments.

  3. C. If the pain is too much and their schedule is full most docs tell their patient to go see a colleague, i.e. He/she covers for me during the holidays, I’ll get you an appointment.

  4. I don’t know why an orthodontist would be telling her this and not an oral surgeon (the type of doctor I was referred to when I had to have my wisdom teeth removed), but I was also given some “wait time.” Two wisdom teeth on one side were removed and the gums given about a week to heal before the two on the other side were removed. And I was in an insane amount of pain. Like, pain so bad I couldn’t eat or sleep. So, eh. The week-long wait doesn’t strike me as weird as broadcasting it to a mostly uncaring public does.

    • Oh, I misread. Root canal, not wisdom teeth.

      Either way, an orthodontist still doesn’t make a lot of sense. I had mine performed by my regular ol’ dentist.

    • Root canal = endodontist. I had the abscess that Jacy mentions one weekend so I left a message with my dentist (not ortho!). He called me in at 7:30 am Monday morning, immediately gave me antibiotics, and had his front desk call around for immediate openings with an endodontist. Within an hour I was in the chair. They did not fuck around.

  5. Do orthodontists do root canals?

    I’m asking because I’m having major teeth work done and it’s involving an oral surgeon, a prosthodontist and an orthodontist. I don’t think any of them to root canals, and if I needed one they’d send me to a dentist.

    • Seriously who would go to an orthodontist for a root canal? This is another case of GetmeoutofParisitis.

    • No they don’t. My dentist doesn’t even do them. My ortho doesn’t even do teeth cleanings let alone xrays or looking at cavities.

      • Yes, some dentists do too perform root canals — I’ve had one by the same guy who referred me to an oral surgeon for wisdom tooth extraction. My current dentist doesn’t do ’em though, says it’s not w/in the scope of his practice (aesthetics) — just depends on their training & choice.

          • Yeah, my previous dentist does anything routine, including root canals, but not one-time deals like wisdom tooth extractions (or anything requiring general anesthesia).

    • Root canals are typically done by an oral/maxillofacial surgeon or at least a dentist that has a specialty in endodontics. Everyone I’ve ever known that has had one (I have escaped the procedure myself so far) has gone to an oral surgeon. I even had to go to an oral surgeon for an extremely small operation that involved clipping a tiny muscle in my mouth because it was causing my bucked and gapped teeth. So it was actually causing problems with my bite, and my orthodontist STILL didn’t do it–he referred me to the surgeon. I don’t even know if an orthodontist is qualified to do that kind of work. My orthodontist never so much as cleaned my teeth. That was the dentist’s job.

  6. My interpretation is that “they” had to move it because Julia had to move it (because of her SF / LA trips for whatever reason).

  7. If any of this is even true, she presumably needs to work with the orthodontist because the tooth/teeth that need root canal(s) is covered by a veneer that has to be removed for treatment.

    I once had a root canal postponed for a week and change because of a work travel commitment; the dentist gave me antibiotics and some weird white stuff to chew on (it was like a cigarette filter soaked in something that smelled horrible) to deaden the pain in the interim. I don’t think that per se is so unusual, and they probably assume that when she says “I have to be out of town for $days” she has a job like a real person.

    • Also, I have had two root canals and countless fillings because no fluoride in my childhood water (grew up in a tiny rural town that was basically “Green Acres”), so I feel A Donkey’s pain on this one.

      • Orthodontists are all about the aesthetics of the mouth & veneers are like Aesthetics 101.

        Here’s what I imagine is more likely: Donkey might need a round of antibiotics to clear up infection before having oral surgery (bacterial endocarditis risk, etc). Didn’t she just do antibiotics instead of going to Paris though? Hmmm …

        Okay, assuming she was telling the truth back then, (I know, right?) there’s still a connection to be drawn — a sinus infection can actually invade & destroy the root area of a tooth — sometimes though, if caught in time, antibiotics can clear up infection before the tooth is lost (that was my experience).

        My dentist tells me that by the pain comes from the infection, that the damage to the tooth is already done by the time a root canal is necessary & that a root canal can’t hurt because the nerve is dead, but then he dopes me up like a rock star so I can’t really dispute that either …

        • Root canals remove the nerve from the tooth and replace it with a small steel post, so after the root canal is done, in theory the tooth should not hurt. If you need a crown put on top of the tooth that has been root canal-ed then it shouldn’t be a very painful procedure. Spoken as someone who has had a few root canals done. They are not pleasant as there’s a lot of drilling down into the gum etc. No idea what an orthodontist would have to do with it. Julier having an orthodontist is just another trick in her I Speshul playbook.

          • Posts? I think mine are just filled w/ dental cement, but I’ve had too much done to keep it straight all these years later.

          • Now that I think about it, the posts were only for when I got a crown as well. That’s a whole other level of $$.

      • Orthodontists totally do veneers, especially where some of the teeth need to be capped as well as veneered.

    • She is almost as obsessed with her teeth as she is with injecting shit into her face. She used to talk about going to the orthodontist on Non Content. She wants ’em big, white, shiny and straight.

    • I swear to god she probably thinks orthodontist is the fancy way of saying dentist and she has ZERO idea that they’re two separate things.

  8. She is a fucking liar.

    I recently had to get a root canal. My dentist said it needed to be done right away. He referred me to an endodontist. Because ENDODONTISTS do root canals, NOT orthodonktists.

    I was in pain. Pain = infection. No legit dentist, orthodontist, endodondist, or ANYONE who deals with teeth/mouths would let you wait 1 week for a procedure when an infection is present.

    Oh, Julie. Maybe next time do a little internet research to get your lies straight?

    Also? ‘hissing man-hungry weasels’

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  10. You guys are freaking me the fuck out. I cracked a tooth about six weeks ago (stress grinding) and it only bugs me when something hot/cold touches it, or food brushes against it. Stop with all the ‘infection’ stuff!

    Am I gonna die?!

      • *spanks JP for being naughty*

        @mcakez: NO. But I wouldn’t let it go too much longer. When you are experiencing the sensitivity to hot/cold, this means nerve(s) are exposed. Just don’t want to risk any infection, or worse, tooth loss.

        And may I remind you, that I AM Dr. Gary DDS. So I know of what I speak (not!)

    • I don’t know. You should be safe and crowdsource for advice and sympathy on your twitter.

      • I grind too, causing some wear and chips in the bleeding edge of my teeth. The thinner enamel causes hot/cold sensitivity and occasional aches, but dentist say I no haz cavitiez. If your crack is deep, it will def need checking, but if it’s just superficial, what you’re feeling might just be the increased sensitivity from not having as much enamel left covering the nerve. (note: I no haz dental experteez. No lolyers, plz)

      • I e-mailed my benefits person to ask what I need to do to get to my dental care. I promise to take care of it as soon as she gets back to me.

        I feel like it is hurting now (though I’m not eating or drinking anything, but less hot or cold), but that might just be psychosomatic reading all this, or the fact that I am gritting my jaw in concern reading it.

        Swear, I will figure it out tomorrow, when the benes chick gets back to me.

        • NOTE: boring report on my dental issues follows. Posted to show mcakez that it can take a long time before one drops dead from a tooth infection-related stroke and/or heart attack.

          I have been living with several broken teeth and lost fillings for nearly 2 years now. Self-employed, no dental insurance, and not qualified for benefits/assistance as I make “too much” money — even though it’s scarcely enough to keep me in Ramen.

          So far, I haven’t been accepted as a patient at any dental schools (too many others in the same boat). Until my dental savings fund grows large enough, or I can find a dentist and oral surgeon willing to extend me credit, I deal with it the best I can (my credit rating probably has a minus sign in front of it — long story, bipolar, etc.) I am religious about brushing (sensitivity-type toothpaste), flossing and using mouthwash after eating anything.

          The couple of times that I’ve gotten an infection, I’ve had to resort to “lancing” it with a needle and swabbing the area with clove oil until it goes away (I know, I know). The first time, I also took some antibiotics that I had left over from something else — I live on the edge, baby.

          btw, there’s a dude on YouTube who demonstrates “home dentistry” using a dremel tool and temporary fillings made from eugenol (clove extract) and zinc oxide powder. He claims they have lasted for years. It’s not something I’m crazy enough to try, however. Just proves that the internet is awesome. 😉

    • I wouldn’t freak out. I had two chipped teeth for the past year and didn’t really notice- I have really sensitive teeth and grind as well- until my dentist pointed them out during a cleaning. A crown and a filling and $2000 later…. Everything is fine.

    • I was told I needed a root canal about a year before I finally went to get it done. It just didn’t bother me enough to spend $2000+ for the root canal plus the crown. It was only sensitive to hot/cold.

      By the time I finally got it done, I was basically crying because it hurt so bad. And to make things even better, I was on a cross-country road-trip. I wish I had just gotten it done in the first place because it really needed to be done. There’s no need to suffer the kind of pain that compels you to make hysterical emergency appointments while crying.

      I don’t know what it is about tooth pain, but it really is just the worst. It’s the kind of pain you can’t just ignore and stop thinking about. I’m normally pretty stoic but this was terrible.

      • I’d like to chime in with See a Dentist as Soon as You Can (Though You’re Not Going to Die) support here. I mentioned in a comment above that I had an abscess prior to my emergency root canal. I was in a lot of pain and the root canal itself sucked donkey balls. I swore to myself that I would always take great care of my teeth from that point forward so I’d never have to go through it (or the expense) again.

        By the way, prior to the root canal, I had a tooth with a serious cavity – part of the tooth even broke off (many years of not going to the dentist, etc). I lived with it for awhile, then had a big filling put in with a slap on the wrist my dentist. He said to expect it to not last forever, it was so big, that I’d eventually need a root canal, etc. About two years later, I did. So, you CAN get away with just a filling for a time, but only a dentist can make that call.

  11. they also would have put her on antibiotics. I’m surprised that she is flying. You know, because you can’t fly on antibiotics.

  12. May I just take the time to point out that genetics have blessed me with perfect teeth, and I have never needed braces or had a cavity. My smile is intoxicating and causes swoons and boners.

    • Oh yeah? Just you wait. I also had perfect teeth, until I got my first cavity in my early 40s. Since then, my molars have failed me in rapid succession (thanks, Adderall!) Still have my perfect smile, though.

      Uh, not to rain on your parade or anything.

  13. Ok – also as a person who has had a root canal, they wouldn’t have moved the root canal because of a trip, but because the antibiotics would have needed about 4-7 days to take effect and to work on the infection at the root of the tooth. Anyway, you are usually put on painkillers for 1-2d days until the antibiotics start working, so it is really not painful at all.

    • “as a person who has had a root canal” – that is such a Julia Allison evocation of authority. MY BAD, CATS. so fat.

    • I have had a root canal delayed because of an un-reschedulable work commitment (which also meant no Vicodin, and instead only weird smelly white cigarette-filtery things to chew on for the pain), so it does happen.

  14. Her oversharing is to the point of pulling my hair out of my head. Who cares about your stupid appointment or trips that aren’t related to business?

    I was just catching up on the prior post. Regarding the front loader washer & dryer, my mom was told to leave the door open to dry it out when done. I still have old normal ones which I still leave the top open at all times. We may not even buy the front loaders since it seems like it’s not even worth it.

    • I leave the door and the little detergent drawer open all the time the washer’s not in use. It looks all white trash but then so do many things about my life.

      • Yes! That’s exactly what my mom suggests after talking to people when purchasing her set. It may look white trash but atleast you won’t have mold.

      • Me too. I leave both those things open and am totally happy with mine. No stinky problems going on three years.

      • UGH. We have a front loading W&D. My cathus ALWAYS leaves the front door of the washing machine open. It drives me nuts.

        It’s gotten to the point where I’ve suggested a schedule: 8AM-midnight, door closed. Midnight-8AM, door open. I’ve even posted notes with the hours as a joke. Of course cathus ignores my notes and opens the door every time he goes in the laundry room. I refuse to lose this battle. I WILL triumph.

        • When Mr. Handbag and I first combined our pelts, I learned that he didn’t close the doors of ANYTHING. Not the medicine cabinet, kitchen cabinets; periodically the freezer door would be open just a tinety bit. I decided to kill him, then hesitated long enough to ask a long-married couple what they would do (two dudes, for the record). They said, “Don’t mention it, don’t complain. Just close the doors and get on with things.” I was like THAT IS SUCH SHITE ADVICE, but I did it because they are both superior to me. Many, many years later and M Handbag never does it anymore! I don’t know why! It was like my friends knew a magic trick.

          • Whoa! If it weren’t for the ‘Many, many years later’, I’d wonder if you were my ex-sisters-in law.

            I have a bro who’s a habitual leaver-open of all things – the worst was when I came home from work on a day he’d left after visiting from out-of-state & my front door was standing wide open – I guess he put his last bag in his truck & just drove away, cuz he damn sure didn’t use his key to lock up.

          • This is my favorite comment of the day.

            Somehow I doubt your experience will translate to me always cleaning up after catman and hoping that one day he does it all by himself.

          • The “open cabinet door” thing drives me mad. I have a friend who does it and I have no idea why!

          • Perhaps you, or your married couple friends, can advise on how to deal with other in-home battles, such as:

            *The wrong kitchen light being turned on. I prefer the light over the stove, which is more flattering. Cathus prefers the hateful, glaring, bright IKEA lights over the sink.

            *Position of outside trash cans. Trash cans belong in their PROPER PLACE, which is at the back of the driveway, along the side of the fence. Cathus INSISTS on lining up trash cans at the FRONT of the driveway, just inside the driveway gate. He says this is to help *hide* the feral cat family that hangs out on our driveway. I say it smells and is unsightly. Every time I come home, I remind Cathus that trash cans belong at the BACK of the driveway, NOT in front. As per usual, my request/demand is ignored. I have reminded Cathus, on many occasions, that no jury would convict me.

            *Cathus ALWAYS leaves the coffee maker water reservoir lid open. This one truly mystifies me. Cathus says this is to ‘air it out’. I say that this is one of his nutty OCD quirks, and it’s not necessary. I have told him that the day I read in the coffee maker care + use manual that you should leave the water reservoir lid open AT ALL TIMES, I will copy that page, laminate it and post it on the refrigerator. But until that time, the water reservoir lid should remain CLOSED unless in use. Once again, no jury would convict me.

          • Oh Dr. Gary. I very often describe my husband as a perfect human being, because he’s as good as they get, that’s (a), and (b) in comparison to me he is an airy angel. But his long list of finenesses and competencies and honorables and sweetnesses (a grotesque amount, really) do not make him immune from needing a good beating when it comes to his domestic idiocies. Yes, yes, he does all the cooking and all the grocery shopping BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO LIKE HOW HE CLEANS UP AFTER. Don’t even get me started on how dirty his truck is, and okay he’s a carpenter BUT SINCE WHEN IS THAT AN EXCUSE FOR SO MUCH SAWDUST. I could go on but suffice it to say my long-married friends continue to be right. Be kind be kind be kind; it’s all about the love.

            HA HA coming from me! But yeah, that’s what nice people tell me.

          • dear handbag, my mr. meowserton is a saint, but he could learn to be a bit more tidy… i’m just super anal. working toward my analrapist degree, in fact. 😛


          • We saw a mouse in the kitchen last night. I blame catman for being careless about crumbs, despite the delicious dinners he puts on our table every night. Also, I blame the cat for not doing the job that she was hired to do.

          • Professor, I embarrassed myself with my snorts of laughter at your hot pink art skills.

    • That didn’t work for mine. I inherited it from previous owners, so perhaps it was too far gone.

      • I think mine’s the same. I’ve neglected it for too long. (my husband was doing most of the laundry for a year or two) It is beyond Clorox wipes or any remedy known to man.

        HOWEVER! Someone just emailed me about it so maybe I will be selling it this week! and then… Lowe’s here I come boom shakalaka.

      • It doesn’t work for mine, though I do it religiously (doesn’t work because it is in my damp basement, presumably), and hence the Clorox wipes.

      • Thanks a lot, cat peeps. Now I am making way too many anxious trips down the driveway to the garage, where (the horror!) my beloved 9 month old HE front-loader lives, and sniffing the rubber gasket and fretting over invisibly encroaching mold and visible condensation. It’s like being in some appliance horror movie.

        • I gotta say, the inventory of domestic issues vented on RBD today is CRACKING MY SHIT UP. My shit, it’s cracked.

        • @Dyspeptic

          For a real treat, next time you mosey on down to the garage to check out your HE front-loader? How ’bout you also inspect the interior of the rubber gasket? You may want to bring a roll of paper towels with you.

          What’s that? Oh, nothin’. Just gobs of dog fur, cat fur and other miscellaneous items that seem to accumulate there.

          Consider yourself warned.

      • Looooool, I thought you were talking about a catfriend in relation to the cats-leaving-cabinet-doors-open thread.

      • If only there was something incredibly cheap and readily available that would kill mold! Something that was, perhaps, a 5% solution of sodium hypochlorite!

        Have to say that I am kind of loving the chutzpah of people who are selling little tubes of powdered bleach for vast sums.

  15. [img][/img]

    An orthodontist? Reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaallyyyyyyyyyyy?

  16. Seriously, though. Where is Lily? I have never been more concerned for an animal that didn’t belong to me.

    • Normally wouldn’t repost a comment but dammit it’s topical.

      Why are you compelled to tell your audience you had a root canal? That shit is gross. Why not tell us about your every bowel movement and trimming your nut hair? Tweet your period so we can follow your cycle and PMS! GOD your life is interesting! What a megastar you are! Did you pick your noise today?

      Did you notice anything about anyone else today? Anyone. You fucking self-centered cunt, all you want is a little endorphin rush from some nameless stranger on twitter saying “awwww”. You know what else gives you endorphins? PETTING YOUR DOG! Oh wait. If no one sees you do it, it might as well not have happened because you are only as cool as how others perceive you, isn’t that true? AND ISN’T IT TRUE YOU FEEL NO SHAME? DOUBLE NEGATIVE MY ASS ANSWER ME!


      Sorry I got a bit verklempt. What I meant was, root canal? Sympathy? I’m smugly enjoying the fact you are uncomfortable. Julia, I wouldn’t even spit on you if your pelts caught on fire because you tried lighting all 54 (that’s how old you are, right?) birthday candles with a blowtorch. If I heard you screaming for help, I’d drown it out with laughter! Sympathy for your fucking tooth. You have an audience of 23,000 people you could , oh, I donno, ask to donate to RAINN to offset the damage and outrage your little “tee hee I’m a paid-for whore that you can rape for $1700 (not donated to charity)” stunt. But no. Nope. Your teeth. THEY MATTER. Nothing else. Not your dog, not the repeal of DADT, ifgdskldskljfsdkkdls——————-

      • Tweet your period so we can follow your cycle and PMS!

        She has done this. More than once.

        While we’re on the subject of outrage, I think the whole concept of “social media” is crap. It’s not social at all — in fact, it’s a poor substitute for real, live social interaction. It’s barely a conversation: I have a date! I like that! Here I am on vacation! Nice! I haz a sad! Aw! Look at my baby pics!

        Facebook seems to be a place where you present a false, idealized version of yourself and your life. I bet 99% of all that frontin’ doesn’t even get seen by your “friends” because they turned off your news feed (just like you turned off their feeds). It’s true purpose is to deliver targeted advertisements, anyway.

        As for Twitter, that appears to be all humblebrags, all the time. I’m so busy! I’m so wise! I’m so funny! Shut the hell up, Twitter. (Yeah, yeah, there are some instances where it’s been a source for breaking news, but that news is quickly overrun by retweets, ignorance, and trolls.) Then there are the dumbasses like Julia, who use it for texting specific individuals, just adding more noise to the din of mindess, useless, ridiculous chatter.


        • Well said Mule On. This is supposed to be a picture of a bunny clapping. As if it weren’t obvious!

        • there is a little phrase going around FB right now (I know I know) but it’s funny

          “Welcome to Fakebook! The place where relationships are perfect, liars believe their own bullshit & the world shows off they are living a great life; where you enemies are the ones that visit your profile the most, your friends and family block you; and even though you write what you are really thinking, there is always someone that takes it wrong.”

    • She posted a picture of herself (and JuliaPriceMusic) holding Lily when she was visiting her parents so, I guess, at the lake house?

  17. brah: “What’s up with the catlady board?”
    cakez: “Julia’s orthodontist says she needs a root canal.”
    brah: “…”
    cakez: “Yeah.”
    brah: “Wow… My proctologist says my house needs to be painted!”

    • i report daily to mr. meowserton on what is going on with julia , and he’s always like, “meh”, or sometimes “sounds like she has a great/privileged life”. also, “i don’t understand why you waste your time with this”

    • My catdude (now fiance!) doesn’t get it, either. I mean, he gets that there are people on the internet who act like (or, just simply are) immature, entitled assholes and that there is no issue in calling them out on their bullshit, but he knows not of Julia Allison. (And he’s lived in New York City since she was graduating high school, knows lots of people here.) See, Donkey, you ARE random!

      • when I’m bursting to share or LOL and have to share otherwise I look crazy myself, I always preface with “you know that girl from the techcrunch party that I hate?” (from 5 years ago) and he rolls his eyes (BUT! he always listens. I think he secretly likes hearing about the cray.)

        • I went from eye-rolling to interested to lurker to commenter within a year. Give him time to come around. 😉

  18. My best friend is a doctor and if a patient is having an emergency, he basically requires them to reschedule the rest of their life to address the issue. Then again, he’s a psychiatrist so maybe that’s different.

      • Actually my catlady is my best friend. So. Blessed.

        But other than that, yeah. I’ve known the guy since we were 11, don’t get all hatery with me.

    • dude, yr a lawyer. your shrink buddy has to drop everything cuz if you say yr gonna kill yrself/others the doc is liable for his moneys if he doesnt do anything.

      • OK, now that was funny. Kudos to you. But no, I haven’t thought about killing myself, yet.

  19. A. My orthodontist and dentist used to be in the same office, and it’s conceivable that I might have said something like “I’m going to the ortho” when I was not or “I was just at the dentist” when I’d just had an ortho appointment. So, maybe lazy writing?

    • Donkey is the same wordsmith dumbass who struggled to call a glue stick a glue stick after all …

      By giving her benefit of the doubt here, it’s pretty easy to guess how she’s going to spin her way out of getting caught up in her most recent lie(s) …

      I’m more curious about the motivation for the lie(s) … is ABS(ent) JD supposed to read her crap & think her pillow face muzzle is only temporarily lumpy due to an abscessed tooth & not due to shifting cheek filler? Or is she going in for more cheek filler? I saw it being done on tv & they just go in through the mouth same as if they’re deadening you for a tooth filling.

    • Maybe it’s just me, but I’m uncomfortable mentioning going to the ortho. It has a lot to do with growing up without much money so I never got braces and I was always embarrassed about that. Once I had steady employment, I wore invisalign but only talked about it with close friends and even then, not really at all, even though it was probably obvious to those in close contact with me each day along with those friends I saw so infrequently they had to notice a change.

      So, for me, orthodontics as an adult is a sensitive subject. With Julia being so cagey about all of the other work she’s had done, I’m surprised she talks about her teeth so fucking much.

      • Yeahhhhh, I think in Julia’s world, orthodontics is something everyone has done whether they need it or not. Upper-middle-class kids in Chicago’s North Shore suburbs, I mean. So I doubt she has the same reservations about discussing going to the orthodontist that you would.

        That said, don’t most people stop going to an orthodontist by age 30?

        • Most people who started with orthodonics as a kid or teenager are long done with it by age 30, yes. But most people also don’t feel the need for several sets of teeth, multiple noses, and endless pelts of fake hair.

  20. I’m in Vegas eating tomato basil pasta at Scarpetta and drinking a fine Chianti. JABS can fuck off with her whining.

    • you’re drinking franzia in your basement, right?


      • Switched to a pinot noir on my terrace. I love this town. Will say that famous pasta at scarpetta so not worth it. Glad for expenses.

        • [img][/img]

        • This is true about so many hyped restaurants in LV, isn’t it? I find that the best meals I get there are often not at the “OMG OMG” places.

  21. And after reading all these comments, I’m now I’m off to floss the bejesus out of these straight (thanks, braces), moderately white, NO CAVITY teefs.

  22. Classic.

    Travelling from the bottom up.
    1. That seems like a fairly dramatic response to having just met someone at a gathering of friends, going on one follow-up date, and then one you-flew-halfway-across-the-country-for second, and yes, final date.
    2. How is it possible that on a weekend you were busy with your father’s birthday and hanging out with a new bff at the condo that you learned you might have to have a root canal the next day (Monday)?
    3. Hmmm, “long distance and a career project you’re starting soon” sounds a lot like “leaving for Guam”. And didn’t you just say two short tweets ago that you were bashing your head against …. oh, nevermind.
    4. This one is simple, okay? No one needs or wants that information.
    5. You wish you could spend two weeks in the same place? Then perhaps stop booking yourself on flights across the country for minor events that you have no real reason or need to attend.
    6. Okay, this is starting to sound like a set-up for getting out of a commitment you made to someone. A little too much complaining, know what I mean? We know you would never pass up the chance to appear on the ValleyGirlShow on Oct 7. So, wat up?
    7. Lucky no. 7, because this one puzzles me to no end. Why didn’t you use your pal Tucker Max’s actual twitter handle here? You know, the one you used correctly to advertise the get together with him in Chicago? Or this one?
    And why are you re-linking to a week-old column? I am genuinely curious.
    8. And now you actually are at an orthodontic appointment and it appears the doctor has kindly agreed to move your “might have to have a root canal tomorrow” to the following week to accommodate your travel schedule (that you were just complaining about in (5). So confusing. But I remind you, honey, nobody cares about the details of your medical appointments. The onslaught here looks more like a set-up (like when my son coughs a few times before getting out of bed in the morning and then asks to stay home from school … but he’s 12 years old so gets a bit of a pass on this obvious manoever).
    9. And … we’re back to Elizabeth Gilbert quotes. I believe Jacy recently predicted an emergency trip to the ashram, no? But that would involve more travel! So stay home. You can sit on a rug and chant “om” whilst alone in your own sprawling condo in Chi-town, right? Meditation is free and doesn’t require air miles. Order in some sugar-free gluten-free pescetarian delivery, some non-alcoholized beer and you’re all set! (That reminds me: I can not understand why your mother would go to all the trouble of making a gluten-free cake from scratch for your father’s birthday but then fill it full of sugar so you STILL couldn’t eat it! Curiouser and curiouser.)

    And that’s it. One page of tweets out of hundreds you’ve posted and so. much. there. Thanks for the classic snapshot to help school t3h n00bz. We’re expecting a bit of an onslaught over here.

    • Uh! Looks like I might have to have a root canal tomorrow ??? I didn’t see THAT whoreshit before, but no, it doesn’t work THAT way!

      Honey. You don’t get to decide on Sunday (when you’re seething because all the attn is focused on the birthday boy, the happy couple in town & the visiting singer INSTEAD of you & your stuffed dog) that you need oral surgery & then, a dental office has an appointment slot open & waiting for you. No.

      Way to try & snag Granny Money Bag$ credit card though.

      WOTD: ENDODONKTICS …deals with the tooth pulp and the tissues surrounding the root of a tooth. Endodontists perform a variety of procedures including root canal therapy …

  23. “You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.”
    – Elizabeth Gilbert

    “I have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of my own psychosis.”
    – Donkabeth Braybert

    • “You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.”
      – Elizabeth Gilbert

      “Alternatively, arrange to be born into a wealthy family of enablers to free up the kind of leisure time it takes to relentlessly post self-portraits and non sequiturs to prove how manifestly blessed you are.”
      -Bartlett Boscbray

    • So THAT’S what helobabegate was! It was a manifestation of a blessing! Relax, catladies, this event is no longer ineffable! So Blessed!

    • They don’t perform root canals. Trust.

      They DO perform:

      • Leave it to Julia to find a dentist where she can get some new injections in the same visit!

        They also do oral HPV screening. Might come in handy after her time with Tucker Max.

      • Oh. And are these procedures commonly thought to be less urgent than root canals? Are they, say, procedures that a doctor might postpone to a more convenient time, unlike a root canal?

    • She could be there for a consultation about a dental implant.

      My huscat is presumably having an implant after a root canal and crown where the crown came off three or four times. It is possible that that is the Donk’s situation, and if the affected tooth is part of a multi-tooth aesthetic fixture, the orthodontist may have had to be involved.

      I mean, it is still infinitely more likely that she’s lying about the whole “root canal” bidnis, but it’s not impossible that someone really could be in that situation.

      • Possibly, but her caption (or whatever) with it is “Hoping I don’t need a root canal” — at Ora Dental, which, again, just seems weird.

  24. OT, but when I saw this story/letter I immediately thought of RBD.

    So there is a blogger at Red State that has a parody of Meghan McCain’s blog. MM doesn’t like this very much, so she told her lawyer to send the guy a cease & desist letter. (Sound familiar, bunnies?) The guy’s lawyer responded with this gem:

    The blog — “Totally Megan McKane” — is here, and hilarious.

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