Asshole Gears Up

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Fresh off minimizing this week’s earthquake, Donk appears to be gearing up to make fun of those dealing with Hurricane Irene:

RT @Seth_Fried: If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That’s how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

Is she jealous? Sometimes I actually pick up on a jealousy vibe when shit hits the fan in parts of the country where she is not. Does she resent attention being paid to something that doesn’t involve her? Because can you IMAGINE the full-fledged freakout that would be her Twitter stream right now if she were trapped in Manhattan on someone’s couch with Irene bearing down? She’d be losing her shit. Instead, she’ll Tweet snide little dismissive Tweets about this too.

It’s hard to understand how her parents raised such an awful human being when her brother seems relatively normal. Bad seed? It happens.

121 COMMENTS

    • Being in New York is NOT fun right now. Almost 400,000 people have been evacuated, and the subway’s shutting down in two hours. Nobody’s prepared for even a Category 1 storm. Big parts of Queens stand a good chance of being totally devastated by storm surges. I get that Julia hates NYC for not fulfilling her Carrie Bradshaw fantasy, but she did live here for a long time and you’d think she’d be at least marginally concerned.

      • And you’d think a former “New Yorker” might have expressed some concern for the place and people, right? No. Not a word. Until she reads this ….

        5, 4, 3, 2 …….

        • everything she says is such a downer, pathetic-sad. Julie must really be miserable at core. “Seek help” indeed.

        • Thank you for putting New Yorker in quotes. As a NY’er my entire near expiration life, I take strong offense to her thinking she is a NY’er. No way, honey, Chicago could keep you – we don’t want you….

      • The City is trying to appear all in control and sh-t, to compensate for the major snowstorm fiasco that sank Bloomberg’s poll numbers last December, but they are not helping.

        Closing the subways is a majorly bad idea. To prevent a problem that may or may not happen, they are causing a lot of problems for people right now.

        Evacuation is very difficult without public transport in a city where nobody owns a car and a lot off the stores and services that would normally be there to feed you / help you / entertain you are going to be closed just because the staff can’t get to/from them.

        Anyway…. if Donkey keeps saying unkind things about dolphins I am going to report to PETA. That’ll teach her.

        PS: Yes, I am in New York City, in the non-evacuation area, with a well-stocked fridge and well-stocked bar. Suck it, Irene.

        • I’m in LI preparing for a direct hit. I have food but no booze! My hubby is NYPD, so he is mandated to work for god knows how long. I’m alone with 3 little ones, hoping a tree doesn’t land in my living room. Fuck you Donks, and your Burning Douche costume hunt!

          • I’m in SI and have the opposite, Peltcakes. A ton of beer and some booze. Good luck to you & the hubscat.

            I’m already a little bored and nowhere to go. Hopefully we’ll have some cray cray donkey stories to get us through until tomorrow’s hurricane.

          • Diluted, take care! I also am hoping for high levels of Donkey Cray this weekend, and that the power stays on so I can check in often!

          • Oh, yikes, Peltcakes! I hope all will go well for you and your huscat and your kittens.

        • We had to evacuate our house in the outer banks, where I was going to spend my birthday (and screwing up the only extended time I was going to spend there in the near future before school and work starts up). So far Irene isn’t messing things up as much as anticipated down there, at least according to the news. We’re worried about our house and our neighbors. It’s just been raining in DC today. I hope everyone in New York and up the east coast don’t get the brunt of it.

          • I’m in NC, too, Jordache. I put up twenty gallons of water for the animals, ten for us. Canned goods, wine, trail food in case we had to hike somewhere (we’re way the hell out in the boons), you name it. The storm skirted us except for wind and rain, which we’re still getting. I wish the same could be true for the rest of the eastern seaboard.

  1. I wish I could do better than this, but I’m tired and have a hurricane to deal with, so…

    Fuck you, Julia Baugher. You’re a Category 5 Cunt.

  2. If she’s not involved, it doesn’t matter. She’s gearing up for the big grift this week, people! Come on!

    At which she might get laid, but the Donk’s scheme to get a new rich boyfriend will fail. Again.

    • She was predictably never able to make herself fit in with the military establishment as she tried to snare Pancakes and she will certainly not fit in at Burning Man no matter how hard she tries. (And no, I don’t think she’ll try very hard when she realizes what’s happening around her.)

      This should, however, be delicious to watch.

    • She will HATE having sex at Burning Man. It is smelly, dry, and gritty. There are no luxury beds, and everything is covered in playa – including you, and your partner’s peen. You get the infamous ‘playa hair’ after day two, and she will not find that at all sexy, because she cannot shake it around and she will have no handbag in which to stuff her pelts. She already hates sex, so this will probably be the worst possible sex she could ever imagine.

      I was thinking earlier today about how there is rampant sexuality everywhere, and she is too much of a prude for it. I don’t mean to imply that there are people fucking left and right but… well, yeah, there kind of are. It doesn’t take much looking to find some kind of naughtiness going on, and even trying to avoid it you are likely to come across someone fucking somewhere out there on the playa. Although, this is the woman who let Zincoxide fingerblast her at a restaurant, so maybe she will surprise us yet.

      Goddamn. I miss Burning Man. I don’t think anyone ever imagines a point in their life where they’d be sad thinking about NOT walking around a corner and seeing some dirt covered hippies fucking against a portapotty or art car?

  3. I said in the last thread how I await a disgusting comment about the hurricane. It’s like we can write her material for her. She is so crass and insane. How does one grow up with absolutely no class or manners?

    I hate her. That is all.

  4. Wait. I still can’t wrap my head around this. Alexis McNeely, former wife of Tesla, and Julia Allison Baugher. In an RV. In the desert. Where people do drugs. And burn things.

    This is going to end well.

    • She’ll have a hit or two in an attempt to fit in, cough into the pipe spewing it everywhere, fail to inhale, then act all “I AM OMG SO HIGH” like a annoying thirteen year smoking for the first time.

  5. Also, this Tweet:

    Friday night bed time reading: @AndrewMason’s epic treatise of an email to his employees. Uncontrollably amusing, per Mason usual.

    How can something be uncontrollably amusing? Seriously? And the whole “per usual” thing. Lose the “per,” you stupid pretentious donkey. It’s not necessary. It’s AS USUAL. As usual. As usual. Repeat after me. IT’S AS USUAL, and tell Lasagna that too because it’s an annoying little pretense she seems to have picked up from you. Fuck.

    • Speaking of Alagna, why isn’t she performing her servant duties and defending Julia Cuntface Allison’s right to joke about Irene? Picking up Lilly’s shit is only part of your job, flunky.

    • I said it last nite, and I’ll say it again: This donkey, always reading other people’s emails.

    • Jacy, here at the arse end of the world, we say “as per usual” or “per usual” for short, so it may be a stunningly witty donkeyism that she’s picked up from her English friends. You know, all those friends she has in England with whom she speaks in an English accent?

      Usage – “You know that idiot the donk? As per usual she’s a fucking idiot.”

      “Yeah, per fucking usual.”

    • Usage also – “OMG, that orgasm I just pretended to have was so uncontrollably amusing, I just shit the bed. Clean that up for me please.”

      Julia Allison, Burning Man 2011.

  6. Julia reminds me a little of Jenna from 30 Rock (only not nearly as funny and cute obviously). But the jealousy over other people (even babies) getting any kind of attention is something that’s right in her wheelhouse.

    I could definitely see Jenna getting upset that a hurricane was stealing the limelight from her–and no doubt Julia really does feel that way too. When people are caught up in their own lives they don’t have time to reflect herself back at her by tweeting, blogging and commenting at her, etc

  7. This is going to be epic for so many reasons.

    She’s going to drink. She’ll want to fit in with the party atmosphere, plus she’ll be ABSOLUTELY LOSING HER SHIT, so she’ll start sipping for sure. We’ve all seen how out of control nuts and mean and weird she gets when shitfaced, which will only be exacerbated by being stuck in an RV in the dessert and being random.

    Maybe she really does try to push hour boundaries and smokes a joint (oooooh!). She’ll be one of those idiot girls who thinks she’s dying, and she’ll spend 14 hours in the medical tent before having to leave early. She’ll say she thinks the weed was “laced” (WE FUCKING WRITE YOUR LIFE, JULIA).

    Despite what KIND of shit show goes down, we’ll then have to deal with her bullshit posts about finding yourself, non-conformity, and other cliche crap since she won’t absorb a single authentic piece of the experience.

    Oh, and her bald runyon canyon is going to be gee-rossss after a day or two. Barf barf baf.

    • I can’t imagine she’ll do anything, but hide out in her grifted RV. Maybe, MAYBE, she’ll seek out wifi, but once she sees what’s going on around her she’ll turn tail and run.
      To the wallet she’s chasing she’ll moan about how she’s still SO VERY SICK. Did he know that she cancelled a trip to Paris? To be there with him? Well, she did so if he wanted to buy her something expensive and French as a substitute once they’re back in LA she would accept it.

  8. Ok I just can’t get over this Alexis Neely / Elon Musks’s ex sharing an RV at Burning Man thing.

    Just checked Alexis’ blog http://alisfarm.tumblr.com/ vs. old http://www.alexismartinneely.com/
    When I knew her, she was a super fit, very attractive, hard core, hard nosed laywer in a tight business suit. No nonsense. All business. Making money. A tenacious divorce forced a focus on legal rights of children and parents in family law. Next thing I heard she was drifting into the “follow your passion to wealth by doing what you love” which seemed total cheeseball (a la Tim Ferris) but wasn’t tooooo far a stretch.

    Now she’s living in a commune? When did she go all hippie dippie living on a farm shit? (nothing wrong with it but the juxtaposition in less than 2-3 years is downright jarring).

    PS they BOTH like Rachel M now. Gross.
    PPS let’s just SAY this metamorphisis is true and Alexis truly is soul searching and trying to go ‘back to the land’. She kills any ounce of credibility by letting the biggest, flakiest, MOST SHALLOW, SELF-INDULGENT, MATERIALISTIC, SELF-ABSORBED PERSON ALIVE stay with her! http://www.alexismartinneely.com/on-choices-and-death/

    • This hippie thing is the new fad for booksmart but unwise rich chicks. Several people at my recent college reunion were droning on and on about their organic farms in the upstate with composting toilets and kale smoothies BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

      It’s a way to deal with the mid-30s glass ceiling many women hit in their careers without being boy-scaringly feminininist; instead of “oh fuck why did J. Random Emptysuit III make partner even though I do a bazillion times more and better work than he does” you can just sidestep the whole issue by saying “OMG YOU GUYS I AM FOCUSING ON MORE IMPORTANT THINGS LIKE MY INNER GROWTH AND SHAMANIC WISDOM.”

      Similarly, it’s a place to put one’s anxiety about not having a spouse or partner; instead of “fuck, do I alienate guys with my self-important brayage” you can be all “I AM DEEP AND SEARCHING FOR MY ETERNAL SOULMATE ACROSS THE CHASMS OF TIME.”

      Finally, the alimonied classes love it, because it involves “work” that other people are supposed to defer to even though it is unpaid (and generally paying). “HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO HAVE A JOB WHEN I AM ON THIS INCREDIBLE KUNDALINI WISDOM JOURNEY, EX-HUSBAND’S ATTORNEY?”

      As for the guys who fall into this, they’re generally either high-functioning schizophrenics, horndogs who see this as an endless source of pussy, con artists, stoners who want to seem intellectual, or a mixture of all four.

      • Wow. You’re a ringer, Albie. And let me just add (I’m surrounded by hobby farmers) it’s a great excuse for married women of privilege to never work again, as well. One child, two, you’re unschooling them and you have two miniature goats and a couple hens to provide calico eggs: boom! You are LITERALLY superior to the rest of the human race.

      • looks like Alexis has a man there and took her kids; guess her shilling has banked enough FU money to play in the dirt for a few years (until she gets bored again).

        If you’d told me Julia Allison Baugher had decided to attend nun’s school I couldn’t have been more surprised.

        Interesting but so cliche. I guess that’s why Julia is drawn to her (plus a FREE ride/place to stay/ plus ELON MUSK’S ex/ closeness to rich people). Making sense now.

    • Interesting to see will be how Donkey handles being caged w/ people who’ve actually accomplished things in their lives & made real money w/ their real educations, etc.

      PREDICTION: She won’t be able to keep her shit together among women against whom she can’t tit thrust because she has nothing to add — I think she’ll last about a day & a half, tops, & then she’ll have a ceiling cat emergency.

      • This is my theory about Paris and why she cancelled. I think she is threatened by some of those girls–Natasha or whatever her name is–they seem more accomplished, living the life Juliar wishes she could live. They are also probably familiar with France and other European countries, whereas Donk is an ignoramus who doesn’t feel comfortable if she’s not in some American metropolis.

        • But when A Donkey is in a US metropolis, she sticks to the same three places like an agoraphobic old, and when she deviates in the slightest from her regular haunts it’s ULTRA-SCARY for her a la Lollapalooza.

      • The one where she talks about dumpster diving for food is the ONLY website I need!

        Donkey, how do you like your (dumpster dived) eggs?

        • I am so confused. If this chick is such a minimalist, why is she is taking a gas guzzling RV to the event and not a tent? You’ll dumpster dive for food but then drive the symbol of American consumption known as a recreational vehicle hundred of miles into the desert and let it idle for a few days straight, raising the collective carbon footprint of the earth by a few points? Does not make sense.

          • BUT SHE OFF SET HER CARBON FOOT PRINT BY DUMPSTER DIVING FOR 18 CARTONS OF EGGS – DUH!!!!!!

          • and she shops at Walmart, about the most eco/world/human worker decency un-fucking-friendly corporation in the world

            “BM poseurs”, and I’ve never even been to BM

          • This chick is batshit…. Looks like she only recently joined the commune. Julia really is an opportunistic loon magnet. I’m surprised we haven’t witnessed a Children of God or Scientology phase yet.

          • I pretty sure Donkey doesn’t know this lady is bat shit crazy. I think it’s going to come as quite a surprise.

            We have already established that lazy Donkey doesn’t know how to use Google.

        • Whoa—this chick makes the donkster appear sane. “The Love Economy?” Tell me more, crazy lady. I only hope Julie Albertson drops out to become a goddess and live on a commune where they honor the dead chicken by eating it.

          • And they’ll eat/use every bit of the chicken and host a sweat lodge and drink Yerba mate.

        • She seems very off her nutter. They are stuffing 6 people in that non air-conditioned RV. Not exactly the posh digs Donkey thinks she’s going to be staying in.

          • she wasn’t though, at least not back whenever. Or she hid it very, very well. She was gorgeous, genuine, confident, great speaker, OMG THIN/fit, super well dressed – bascially everything Julia Allison is not. Maybe a touch flaky, but I’d attributed that more to the empheral cloud that really attractive people often float thru life on, but this is like intergalactic morphosis. She seriously is channeling her inner hippie Rachel Mardsen now – and that is not a compliment.

            now I have to change my vote that Julia Allison Baugher WILL attend BM but won’t last more than 2 days.

          • Meagan Marks is going (friend of Dave Morin) so maybe she’ll grift with her after she sees what a mess she’s gotten in to. I think she won’t even stay a second night, she’ll get a mysterious illness that will require 35 antibiotics from 17 different doctors and the Red Cross being called in to haul this Donkey out.

      • Seriously, these sites are a trip… The Garden of Eden commune entries are cracking me up. I wanna see Julia come back from the BM Winnebago rechrisianed “Hebea” or Rabiah” or something similarly pretentious crunchy.

        • Yes! That has a hilarious segment. Alexis/Ali seems insufferable. I also suspect she fucked up financially hence the Love Economy reinvention. Kinda like how Julia goes running to the ashram when she purloins a tiara… I feel badly for Neely’s kids.

      • ZOMG, I scrolled thru some pictures and my favorite is of “Alex, contemplating” He should be contemplating shower.

  9. FUN FACT:

    Julia’s last Social Studies Column got the following reaction: 3 comments telling her what a shitty writer she is/how bad the column was/ how she didn’t answer the made up question

    It was TWEETED by 0 people / It was RECOMMENDED by 0 people / It was SHARED by 7 people

    This weeks column, written by guest columnist Greg Schwem has the following stats:

    0 COMMENTS/ 41 RECOMMENDS / 15 TWEETS / 60 SHARES

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/tribu/ct-tribu-pope-tweets,0,430406.story

    Oh, Julia, honey…

  10. Absolutely no concern for her so called friends who live in NYC, even after they have allowed her to crash at their homes and have loud, braying sex in their apartments. Wow, that’s a new low for her. I really expected at least a “I hope everyone is safe” type of Tweet, not a total bitch fit because the hurricane is not all about her.

  11. New username — THANKS, Jean Shorts! (I’m the sad, sort of angry shithead FKA Greasy’s Beer Can and “Pilot” is the New “Keynote”.)

  12. [img]http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z200/venuscloacina/th_DONKEYON.jpg[/img]

  13. “@JuliaAllison Julia Allison
    Just arrived at Runyon Canyon for hike number 2 of this LA trip. I really need to diversify my hikes, but not sure where else to go!
    42 minutes ago via Echofon”

    Fucking idiot. I just moved to LA and haven’t gone hiking and even I know about Griffith Park.

    • Strange how she’s never mentioned her terrible illness again after the day she got totally busted making the whole thing up.

      • with the dozens of sinus infections I’ve had over the course of my life, I have never had my doctor tell me that I needed to go exercise to get myself well. get plenty of rest, yes. exert myself, definitely not. and that’s totally ignoring the fact that my sinus infections knock me on my ass and throw off my equilibrium, and all I am able to do is sleep and sleep.

        • That’s why I’m sure it’s a lie – sinus infections give me headaches and make me dizzy – exercising is the last thing you’d want to do.

          She is such a lying donkey.

          A doctor saying, “Walk off a sinus infection???” It is to laugh.

          • The thing is that I am sure she doesn’t “hike” for more than a minute or two if she’s alone.

            Driving somewhere to get out of the car, walk three steps, and pull out your iPhone isn’t likely to be a strain on the system of someone who really DOES have a sinus infection, let alone A Lying Donkey’s fauxfection.

          • I actually have a sinus infection right now, and all I have the energy do after running errands at my desk all day and commuting home is to lay in my bed all night, watch bad romantic comedies, and pass out at 9pm. If I tried to hike I would probably pass out. What a liar/loser.

    • PS, she crowd sourced for new hiking spots in LA the last time she was here and at least 10 people gave her 10 new places to hike.

      PS GOOGLE!
      PPS DONKEY!

    • Wow, she just fulfills every goddamned prediction. She is like some 80-year-old with her obsession of only going to three places in every city.

    • holy shit, new york, what the fuck!! 🙁

      I am worried about you east coast catbitches. I hope you all make it ok.

      • Srsly! I’m watching CNN right now and that is a scary ass storm making it’s way up the east coast. Stay safe, cat ladies!

        • I know it’s affecting so much of the east coast, but I’ve been especially antsy for NYC (probably cuz in the back of my mind I know it’s coming up on the 10-yr anniversary of 9/11, & before that even gets here, all this other weird shit is happening). Well-wishes to all you east-coasters.

  14. Hey LA Catladies, can we NOT have a discussion of all the wonderful hiking spots in your area. Damn Donkey to Runyon and EarthBar forever.

  15. [img]http://oi51.tinypic.com/2nby1d5.jpg[/img]
    “Post-hike, trying on RIDICULOUS boots for Burning Man at a stripper shop on Sunset Blvd. Um … Yeah. Wow.”

    • I like how most the shoes displayed at the “stripper shop” look like what she wears on a daily basis.

      • OMG I was just thinking the same thing. Seriously, though, that’s kind of embarrassing. If she were capable of shame.

        SO SICK SO TERRIBLY SICK

        If Natasha or La Billow ever speak to her again, they are imbeciles. DON’T FUCKING OBO YOUR FRIENDS DONKEY

    • How’s that sinus infection that kept you away from Paris, Donkey?

      Can you not even PRETEND to be sick? Or is your friendship with Rachel Billow over and there’s really just no need?

      • Yes, yes, yes! I hope she buys the pink Chewbacca boots and wears them to Burning Man and breaks her fucking fetlock on the steps of the RV.

        Can you imagine what it’s going to smell like inside that RV considering the amount of slap and pelt product those laydeez wear on the daily?

        • Does Donkey even KNOW what an RV is? Does she think the RV is going to be towing a little trailer behind it w/ Donkey’s name in a star on the door? Seriously, where does she think she’s going to store all these costumes for Burning Man & does she know there won’t be a full length mirror to pose in front of for taking fauxtos of herself?

    • Sorry Donks!
      No matter what ridonkculous costume you’re going to put together for Burning Man, there’s no hope of you creating a Condom Fairy redux photo op to kick start your failing fame whoredom.
      Unfortunately, and increasing apparently, that raftass has sailed.

    • Oh Baby Jesus, PLEASE let her buy the pink synthetic fur boots. Does this bitch realize how fucking hot it is in BRC? I mean, it’s motherfucking hot. With sand and shit blowing everywhere. Does she have no friends who will tell her this? I guess that proves she has no friends…

  16. Okay, I’m the first one to jump on the Julia-is-a-self-absorbed-ridiculous-clusterfuck, but she didn’t even write this. She may have reblogged it (or whatever it’s called to repost a twitter comment) but Seth Fried wrote it, and it was subsequently reported on HuffPo and Yahoo News.

    I’m just saying she comes up with the most ridiculous ideas on her own without having to bring up something she simply reposted.

    • In essence, she did say it when she retweeted it, because she did so for the benefit of her more than 20k+ followers who possibly / probably wouldn’t have seen it otherwise (it sure as hell wasn’t humorous enough to bother RT’g).

  17. RV? I was like, retrovirus?

    But then you clued me in with the “recreational vehicle” tag and I was like, Whew. Thanks.

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