Donk: Working Hard Is For Losers Who Don’t Learn

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In addition to publicly embarrassing her old high school pal last night, Donkey also had this photo gem:

I would change this sign to just “Be nice to people.”

I think people get so caught up in “working hard,” they lose sight of everything else in their lives.  Hard does not equal “long.”  WorkSMART!  Add value to people’s lives.  That doesn’t mean that sometimes it won’t FEEL like “hard work,” but if you’re really on the right track, other times it won’t feel like work at all.

Instead you’ll be thinking, “They PAY me for this?!”

Or that’s what I’ve heard, at least. 😉

(Source: valdirose.blogspot.com, via theglitterguide)

Sometimes I wonder — does she ENJOY people hating her? Does she get off on portraying herself as a complete entitled princess? Does she think this makes her attractive to the type of wealthy, successful man she wants to bag? This isn’t the first time she’s suggested that working hard is for losers, and I guess that’s an easy stance to take when you’re largely unemployed but you live rent-free, you’ve never worked hard in your life at anything and yet you’re still able, mysteriously, to fly all over the country and shop til you drop almost 24/7.

Donk is all for Tim Ferriss’s Four-Hour Work Week or whatever that tome of bullshit was called, and she believes people who work are simply “running errands at their desk.” So really, another stupid screed against working isn’t too surprising coming from a lazy-ass who believes getting up and going to work every day like the rest of the world is beneath her and only for winners who fail to learn from being losers like she is. She is rich in awareness and knowledge, people, and that’s because she’s a loser who doesn’t work hard! She is better than you winners who go to work every day and contribute to society!

But seriously, if you were her father, what would you think reading that? And don’t you suspect it’s aimed at him? Sources tell us that while Peter Baugher is a huge name-dropper himself, he also works his ass off and always has. If he’s supporting her in any way, and he’s behind the delayed Paris trip, do you suppose this is a little foot-stomping shot at DaddyMoneybags?

All speculation, of course, but I also believe the Pancakes McCain exaggerations were for her family’s benefit. Sources tell us they were beyond delighted that Julia had bagged such a big fish. She was perhaps braying so loudly about it in an attempt to prove to them their investments in her had paid off, and told herself that Pancakes wasn’t paying much attention to what she was writing. And then she blew it with her psycho behavior, and therefore had to spin it as though only Guam had torn them apart. Ma and Pa Baugher are in denial about their daughter’s madness, apparently, though not necessarily about her laziness.

389 COMMENTS

  1. The irony of the Pancakes fail is that at the time she was creaming her jeans like men cream on sight for OMGPears about Kate Middleton. The Pancakes affair would have been a walk in the park for Waity Katey, who bagged herself a Prince through 9 years incredible patience and game. Now all Waity has to do is be a Royal. Donkey is so fucking dumb that she even fails at laziness. All she had to do was quit the crazy and become slightly more productive/slightly less unhinged. But no, the urge to brag and bray is too big in her. It will sink her every [snap] single [snap] time [snap].

    • Huh, and you know what else? Apparently Pancakes works his ass off; is really committed to his career and puts in a lot of hours. They barely saw much of each other when she “moved in,” also known as “came for a visit but wouldn’t leave.” This is also probably a veiled shot at him. As if he fucking cares. I’d never come home from work either if that loon was waiting for me in the condo after having rifled through all my personal belongings and electronic communications.

      • TOTALLY! And remember her saying he wasn’t even sure he wanted a military career? So evil, so mean. He actually seemed pretty committed / irritated in some of the late Condo Crashers fauxtos, looking back.

        Cuckoo, cuckoo.

        • That was so evil. That to me was very similar to saying Redacted was bipolar. It was meant to look like an off the cuff comment, and with Pancakes, could come off more innocent than the bipolar comment, but definitely have the same effect – put doubt in the minds of those around these guys and hurt their future careers.

          She is NOT NICE!

        • Donkey: (#whining) Are you gonna be in the military forever???

          Pancakes: (sigh) I don’t know, Julia. It’s 3 am and I really need to get some sleep… please.

          Donkey’s brain: Hee haw! (sound of rushing air)

  2. Does donkey work hard?

    Does donkey work smart?

    Does donkey add value to people’s lives?

    If her parents think she’s lazy, then WHY do they keep enabling her with free housing, money, etc?

    • I don’t get this either. You don’t become partner at a law firm without hard work. And their son is obviously an overachiever working his ass off at MIT. Yet this layabout do-nothing fails out of Indiana, barely graduates from Georgetown, doesn’t work after that pretty much at all at any normal job, yet they let her live rent free in their condo?

      It’s your fucking fault at least partially, you idiots. Cut her the fuck off and make her get a job. She is embarrassing you, and herself.

      • I can kind of understand the layabout bit re Julia, as she isn’t really smart or talented and her parents’ only expectation for her seems to be to get married. What I don’t understand is why they let her bray about it *endlessly* in every public forum possible. It actually makes her goal to marry wealthy harder and it definitely stains her parents. I don’t really think it stains her brother, although if I were him I definitely would not play along with it.

        • What I don’t understand is why they let her bray about it *endlessly* in every public forum possible.

          Exactly what means could they employ to stop her? If your parents wanted to keep you offline, how could they possibly do so?

          • as an adult? for most folks? nothing… but in the instance of those subsidizing said lifestyle? plenty…

          • Even if her parents pay her ISP and phone bills now, shutting off those services never kept anyone off the internet. There’s a homeless guy in my neighborhood who blogs every day from the public library. To imply that the Baughers are remiss in their parental duties by not keeping their 30-year-old daughter offline is absurd.

          • I didn’t mean they literally could or should stop her. I mean that they could absolutely condition their ongoing support on not publicly embarassing them. They have some right to make requests of her–they pay her bills, let her live rent free in their condo, and they have even helped her get “jobs” like this current bullshit Tribune gig. Not making them look like clowns is the least they should ask for.

  3. Wait, what? I can’t even parse what she wrote above; at first it seems like she’s saying, “Don’t get so involved with work that you forget what’s really important: being nice to people.” Okay, fine, although she’s never really concerned herself with EITHER of those things. But then she gets into the whole “working hard” versus “working smart” debate (which I’ll get to right after I settle once and for all the taste great v. less filling Supreme Court case), and after THAT thoughtsicle she types something about how, if you love what you do, then it won’t feel like work at all (which has nothing to do with being nice to people; what if my job is as a hitman?). And then, of course, the cherry on the sundae is her “At least that’s what I’ve heard, because I don’t have a job, hee haw!” dig at everyone, besides her, who has to get up before noon everyday. Argh…

    • Yeah, that “at least that’s what I’ve heard” just seemed to confirm she’s aware and satisfied that she’s nothing but a satisfied and an unemployed Donkey.

      I hope her parents read here, I know it might be hard but WAKE UP!

      • Reply fail with the “satisfied” twice, forgive, haven’t had coffee yet.

    • Your honors, for my opening arguments in Tastes Great v. Less Filling, I’d like to call the court’s attention to prior case law established in Chunky v. Creamy and Boxers v. Briefs and invoke the principle of stare decisis.

      • Don’t forget the landmark case of: Which Direction The Toilet Tissue Rolls (which is essentially the doctrine of precedent).

      • Ah, yes, counselor, but you’re totally forgetting the case United States of America v. Keebler Elves, where it’s CLEARLY stated that all cookies must be 47% snackstastic, in addition to meeting FDA guidelines.

    • I believe the overall thrust is that she is simply not a fan of hard work. It is to be avoided at all costs, even if it requires being nice.

  4. Here’s the thing! Besides becoming hated by all around her in record time, Donkey has issues w/ focus & deadlines, so she knows she’ll never fit in a workplace like ordinary people — hence her utter disdain & total disrespect for others employment.

    If anyone’s work obligations interfere w/ Donkey’s bliss bubble, then ‘work’ is just one more ugly four-letter word conspiring against her &, like sugar, it should be outlawed.

    The pear-shaped one … she’s prickly.

  5. There’s just so much weirdness going on lately. All this Dolly Parton (megatits gets a re-tweet!), omgCOWBOYS, Taylor Swift shit has to be aimed at someone. It’s way too bizarre a costume change for her.

    Also…why a new logo? This Beanbag dude who keeps doing her designing for free has got to be a loser.

    And finally–Paris. Do not understand. Had she not bought her ticket yet? Is she just changing her flight to later? Why is she flying into SF at ALL if she’s just going to then fly straight to LA? Especially since she just bought the jet blue package thingie to Long Beach?

    • If you’ll notice, the Meghan McCain tweet about Dolly was Aug 7th, Donk then blogged Saturday about wanting to see Dolly in concert, then retweeted Meghan’s week-old tweet a few hours ago. She’ll do anything to stay on the McCain radar. Gross.

      • God, she’s psycho… imagine how many tweets of Megan’s she had to go through to find a way to connect with her… geez.

        I also agree the whole cowboy boots, wants to be a cowgirl bullshit is aimed at someone… she doesn’t do nothing for nothing…

    • That xoxo shit is retarded. Blair Waldorf she ain’t. Also, being a catdude it kind of kills me to be able to type the previous sentence. Oh well… Whoever the graphic design student is who did it, don’t drop out yet. Need to pay attention to those key concepts like proportion, asymmetric balance, leading the eye, etc…

      Anyway, what does she need a logo for? For those endorsements? (Scent Of An Ass: The Most Stubborn of Fragrances) Those huge marketing campaigns where she’s lending her “star power”? It’s so ridiculous.

      Personal logos, unless you’re trading on your name in a multi-million dollar fashion, are the most entry-level, inexperienced, junior marketing thing ever. There’s literally not a single kid coming out of any sort of marketing or advertising program who doesn’t have one. (That one would never have made it past the “50 different thumbnails” phase if I were grading).

      But hey Donks, at least you learned! Sorry you didn’t win.

      • It’s more of her Serious Bidness Lady fantasy. It is hilarious that she thinks she needs a logo. And one that looks like a 10-year-old did it, no less.

  6. So don’t work hard, just be nice… Unless you’re invited to speak last minute at a non existent event, then totally blow off your friend and the trip you had planned to go on, and do the stupid talk. Makes total sense!

    • And just be nice… until there are exes to stalk, their new girlfriends to harass and parents and friends to mooch of off and take advantage of. Julia is so, SO nice! Really! She says so!

  7. Has she ever worked a day in her life to pass these comments? I would believe even in her column days that she wrote drafts and her mom edited the final copy. No wonder she never made it as a relationship/dating columnist since she can’t keep a man past a few months. This social media and technology column can’t possibly work out because it’s clear she has no background or knowledge in either besides having a facebook account. So what is she going to push the need to not work so she can be a trophy wife someday? Bitch please, you’re 30, time to make your own income.

    • I feel like back in the good old days in NY, she was sort of working hard, because at the height of her success she was on tv every second day or so, plus she was responsible for a column in Time Out. From what I got from her blog in those days, she was procrastinating the columns and working in a frenzy the night before. The TV appearances did require her to be somewhere at a specific time, but because it was all “fame! make-up! pretty dresses!” she probably found it fun. Since that time, however, I think she has forgotten what it means to have daily responsibility.

  8. In the recent past, Donkey has claimed to work 70-80 hours per week. And now she smugly implies that “working long” is stupid or worse? Fuck this gangrenous thundercunt. Not literally.

  9. What is theglitterguide and why does all of Julia’s content come from there? Julia’s liecast these days is a reposting glitterguide-cast. Does that make our site RBRBGG?

  10. JuliaAllison “Christine & I are up at 3am working & cracking up hysterically over clientsfromhell.net (apparently I’m last to discover this site!)”
    about 6 hours ago

    Presented without comment.

  11. Would like to point out that only an off-the-charts psycho would perceive having to give a talk as a legitimate excuse to blow off a trip with a friend. I don’t know which is crazier, though: if the talk is real and she accepted, or if that was what she came up with to give herself cover.

    • That’s a tough one to decide. If the talk is real, I would guess it would have to be prestigious enough to back out of Paris for those 2 days — BUT, if it was prestigious, Donkey would be rubbing the details in everyone’s faces.

      Because she’s being vague with the “insidery” details, I believe it’s all fake.

      • If it was prestigious I hardly think they’d be scrambling at the last minute to get some z-lister on the speaker’s list.

        • My new theory is that she was invited to a party in LA that conflicts with the first 2 days in Paris. But at this party there is someone she wants to see — whether it’s a run in with Codename TK or OMG Techfounder! or someone she thinks she can land as a husband.

          But she can’t SAY that’s why she wants to stay in LA. Better to say it’s for work, that’s an excuse no one can have a problem with.

          • That’s “work” in quotes for our lazy princess, DYDT. Christ, she’s giving me the stabbies this Monday morning.

          • She won’t be able to resist posting photos after the fact, no doubt presented with disclaimers about how whatever-it-is was so unexpected. Then we’ll know what she was really up to the whole time. I can’t wait!

          • I think it’s more likely that she searched frantically to find something/anything going on in LA and invited/volunteered herself.
            With many others here, I also believe she will follow-up with a new fake excuse.
            Daddy might be fooled by this b.s. city hopping (or maybe he is willing to pay out in the hopes she finally does meet some poor sap to take over the support payments), but I can imagine he drew the line at underwriting an extended European holiday to celebrate some chick’s 30th birthday.

          • Mule on rouge (great name!), I think she will claim it is a very confidential and secret conference only for brands and industry insiders so she can’t post anything about it.

          • Thanks, ICAALL!

            Speaking of an extended European vacation, have you seen the movie “Light in the Piazza”? A mother takes her daughter (Yvette Mimieux) on a trip to Europe before the dad has the daughter institutionalized. (She was in an accident that resulted in brain damage, leaving her with the mental capacity of a 10-year old.

            The daughter ends up meeting an Italian man (George Hamilton) and gets married, thanks to the language barrier.

            I think Robin should try to do the same for Donks. (Although Julia has none of the charming innocence of Yvette Mimieux’s character.)

  12. Donkey’s whole strategy at life makes sense now! She’s making herself look dramatically older on purpose in order to seem venerable&wise when she makes proclamations like this!

  13. Julia’s proclamation about the (lack of) value of hard work confuses me a bit. Is she saying “Hard work is for meany loser type-A haters! Don’t you wish you could be kind and enlightened and serene like me? So blessed!” or “I really wish I could be nice to people, but I have to work so hard that I can’t! Such a serious business laydee! So blessed!”?

    • I really honestly think what she is trying to say is that she has it all figured out, that she is really living life without having to work that hard at her career and also it doesn’t FEEL like work because she is doing what she loves. And anyone who IS working hard and maybe not doing what they love hasn’t figured it out. Typically, she’s being a presumptuous, pedantic cunt.

  14. Transbraytion: I think people get so caught up in “working hard,” they lose sight of ME and what I need. Hard does not equal “long” and you really don’t have any excuse for not replying to my IMs immediately or claiming you’re too busy to provide the filler for my internationally syndicated column. WorkSMART! Add value to my life. That doesn’t mean that sometimes it won’t FEEL like “hard work,” but if you’re really only doing what I ask you to do, it shouldn’t feel like work at all, so you should probably adjust your attitude.

  15. I am just confused about something. The sign says “work hard.” Then she replies that working hard doesn’t mean working long – it means working smart. Ok. But the sign just says work hard. So if work hard should mean smart as opposed to long – then isn’t the sign still fine as is? Work hard and be nice. Its really too much to ask people to do both?

    • You’re not confused. As usual, Donkey is the confused one. She’s too dumb to write 200 characters that make sense.

      • I thought she dislikes writing, that she’d much prefer to just talk. (And we know how awesome she is at just talking, on or off script.) And by just talking, I mean talking about herself. And you know what? If the world really needed a Julia Allison talking about herself all day everyday, it wouldn’t feel like work to her and she’d be spectacular at it.

        Unfortunately, Julia, the world wants nothing to do with you, except to give us the lulz.

      • Don’t forget her other life goal: to devote her life to stamping out online bullying, also known as “ridiculing Julia Allison.”

  16. Love this:

    JuliaAllison “Writing my @SocialStudies column! Right! Now! 🙂 (cc @lthanlon)”
    about 1 hour ago

    Tweeting her editor that she’s writing her column now… um, hours before it’s due to him, I would imagine, so he can edit it and it will appear tomorrow.

    Yeah, that’s working smarter.

    • After an all-nighter of stalking the McCains, shopping, re-booking international flights, getting confirmation from OMGRandiZuckerberg that her usual room will be ready for check-in when she arrives on Wednesday, reading old websites with some chick who is probably crashing with JABa to take a break from living at her parents’ house, reblogging theglitterguide, and watching the sun come up.
      Yep, this week’s column should be up to the usual A-game standards.
      I pity the fool who is assigned as her ghost writer editor.

      • Note: Julia, Eh it’s only the first draft. Don’t throw things at me yet.

        Dear Julia The Amazing,
        I don’t subscribe to the Internet although I am a teenager. Can you tell me about some amazing products and up and coming technology companies that you happen to personally know the founder of? Also, I am a huge Taylor Swift fan. Can you talk about her a little bit for no reason?

        Spastically Yours,
        E-late-Ed

        Dear Ed,

        Sure, of course! You should make a point to visit ipsumdorusm.com and juliafillintheblankhere.com because my founder friends will give me free stickers if you do! They are simply amazing and frock’in companies of enormous importance and intense strategical symbiotic allegiance to the flag. While I was dating Jack McCain I utilized the super easy to use penny wise and pound foolish nature of Product A and we had a blast! Also TaylorSwift OMGOMGOMG! I got wept all over and especially in my thigh areaola because my tear ducts do not work so well anymore because haters made me cry soooooo much that they stoppped working but then Taylor touched me (or maybe it was a security guard, but it was someone close to her) and there was a sudden burst of white light and intense. Next thing I knew I was lying on the floor and small children were playing with the ball of hair and fingernails I planned to give Taylor! It was so amazing and fast forward you should go buy Product A and B. also Taylor Swift!

        Dear Julia,
        I work 40 hours a week like a total idiot. How can I work less and still have enough money to fly, frock, and fester like an open sore on society?
        Love you soooooo much,
        E-tarded

        Dear E-tarded,
        Just follow my lead silly! It’s so easy to not work I don’t know why everyone does! I think they just have no life so they say they have to work instead. I’ve been proudly not working for 30 years now and I can tell you with complete and udder certitude it requires no thought at all. I don’t worry about work. I do what I want and the money follows. Quit being a follower and be a smart leader.

        *snap*,
        Julia

      • All she does is copy and paste press releases of Everbrite, Inkling, Pinterest, etc. Not much to edit!

    • Why was that shweet about her column not an email? She is hysterically, ridiculously, and intensely fucktarded.

  17. Am I the only one who thinks it’s possible that Julia shortened her Paris trip because she just doesn’t like international travel? No one in Paris has heard of her! No one there has any reason to pay attenshun to her! Can’t you hear her agonized brays from here? If she doesn’t get constant attention, it’s not just her face that’s melting.

    • Well, no one in the US has heard of her or has any reason to pay attention to her either. I think either she or her father balked at the $1,000+ ticket and she is now looking for an excuse to back out.

      But she’s also a tacky hick who hates international travel. Copenhagen is sooo yucky, bunnies!

  18. OHMYGODY’ALL. I just had a thought. Is all her recent cowgirl posturing because she now has her sights set on YIMMY?! Is she going after the OTHER BROTHER??

    • That would be hilarious and totally something she would do, but she hasn’t been manically Tweeting him, so I am doubting it at this point. And she must know that Cindy would shank a bitch.

      • The McCains have washed their hands of her loony ass. No chance of this happening.

        Again, please remember, they literally parked her raft ass on a plane and sent her the fuck back to Chicago. Nothing subtle about it. They’re finished with her and she is random.

  19. Just for the record there is a creepy telescope by the window in the photo of “her” apartment.

    How many manic nights do you think she’s up hunting for tiny, cute women to hate.

    • I noticed that too but it looks to be one of those shitty barely working types a certain interior decorator named Raul might have convinced Dadsers to purchase. I have no doubt Julia has used it to catalog in a spreadsheet every neighbor she can spy with her little fake-pelted-eye during many a manic episode.

  20. The thing that gets me about this is she really seems to believe her own bullshit. I have no doubt she really thinks she’s “made it” and crafted the perfect life for herself wherein she has a “career” she pretends to enjoy and barely has to work, gets to travel all the time etc., and doesn’t have to work very hard. She thinks she’s successful and has found the secrets to life and work and any of us who are actually working hard or working jobs we can’t stand to pay the bills is beneath her and hasn’t figured it all out yet. To which I will say, you can go fuck yourself honey, because everyone knows you are a joke and a failure.

    • I am not sure about that. I think she pulls all-nighters and behaves like a lunatic in all her relationships because she is miserable and aware that she’s a total failure and no one will love her for who she truly is. All the rest is just her default position — public boasting/bragging to save face. She can’t bear to be THOUGHT OF as a loser and unloveable, even though in the dark recesses of her mind, she knows that she is. It’s all about perception to her, not reality. As long as her “public” doesn’t know the truth about her, she feels better.

      • Which is why this site so vexes her. We are the segment of her “public” that is totally onto her.

      • But she is also a raging narcissist (and I believe a sociopath). I’m not sure she is capable of the kind of self-analysis and honesty to admit to herself that she is really a loser. I think she thinks she’s earned and deserved this lifestyle and that she is entitled to even more simply for being her. I don’t think she admits to herself or anyone that the only reason she has earned ANYTHING is because of luck and being born privileged. But I see your point. Maybe it’s somewhere in the middle, I don’t know.

        • Like I don’t think she has normal human emotions like guilty, empathy, or even much or any of a conscience. So I’m not sure she even feels self loathing because I”m not sure she is capable of it. She’s been acting this way since birth, apparently (think of that story about throwing herself a birthday party at age 10, the grapefruit incident, etc). I think she thinks she is special and the manic all-nighters are a sign that her inner feelings about herself don’t conform to reality/public perception, and she has no idea why.

          • Hatred, resentment and retaliation are JA staples. Empathy is a complete mystery to her or to any other sociopath.

    • Oh completely. When questioned about her work, income and travel schedule, she has said many times on her blog and in the comments that it’s her “job” that requires so much travel (because you can’t interview over the phone, only over brunch), she earns money from consulting, freelance, speaking engagements, TV work (LIES LIES LIES) and that she has to travel for that. It’s probably the same line of bullshit she feeds her parents and she really does think people are stupid enough to believe she earns a living wage off of the scraps of work she does here and there.

      • I just wonder what is the breaking point for her parents? Did they wake up after the Jack McCain fiasco or did they believe the “it didn’t work because he’s moving to Guam” and that buys Julia more time to fly around on their dime and find a rich husband?

        I wonder if they are so scared to look at their own parenting choices in letting this go on so long that it’s easier to just fund her and look the other way.

      • Maybe. I don’t know. She’s one of those people I can’t really tell if they really do love themselves as much as they portray, or they can’t fucking stand themselves. She also clearly has an undiagnosed mood disorder of which insomnia is but one symptom.

      • Remember when she said Jack put her on a sleep schedule so she could finally sleep normally? I know firsthand that military hours = SO shitty. Imagine this guy working hard/long hours, genuinely lacking sleep, etc. and having to deal with her dumbass “insomnia” – which is prob just code for staying up all night hacking into his email. If anything, the military is all about routine. You know he was probably like, “Hmm, trouble sleeping? Try some exercise or healthy eating (not out of an Amy’s can) or do some work or actually get in bed at a certain time and awake at a certain time…or all of the above!” He definitely wasn’t having any of that, “Oopsies I stayed up all night! I forgot about sleep!!”

        Jesus, Donkey. Eat a pear!

    • She did get a free trip to Sweden (of which I am jelly). BUT SHE HAD TO TAKE HER MOM BECAUSE PATHETISAD DOT COM

      [img]http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z200/venuscloacina/th_Okay_wtf_reaction.gif[/img]

    • Back and forth, I’vemadeitI’mthebestthewholeworldbetterwatchout to up until 3am whatthehellamIdoingIliveinmyparentsapartmentwhothehellisthispersonlivingwithme to crash to I’m so awesome with my many flights and meetings to Shit! how the hell am I going to get out of this trip to Paris that I can’t afford, but couldn’t resist bragging about to what Paris trip? I work, bitches….

      BiPolar Disorder. I’m just saying.

  21. @JuliaAllison
    Julia Allison
    Writing my @SocialStudies column! Right! Now! 🙂 (cc @lthanlon)

    did anyone notice that whoever-this-guy-is, he’s wearing a cowboy hat? it’s all coming together.

    • It’s her editor, I think she is trying to impress him with her stellar work ethic of writing it 2 hours before it’s due.

      He must hate her.

      • I’m going to assume there have been problems in the past with her getting it in on time, so she just wants him to know that after an all-nighter of giggling at web sites with her friend, she’s getting down to the business of Work and never you fear, she *will* have that silly column thingie finished. soon. I promise, Dad. I SAID I’m working on it! leave me alone! the dog, err, computer ate it! It’s not my FAULT! I didn’t have enough time! Why are you so mean! I’m going to run away! FINE I’ll just kill myself! Hello?

        Oh, the professionalism. Using Twitter to tell your boss (and the rest of the world) you will have your once a week Social Media Expert column finished on time, this time. You can’t make this shit up.

        • That she would let anyone – her editor, friend, whatever – know so blithley that she writes her one weekly assignment hours before its due shows how little she knows abou the journalism game.

          If you’re a dialy newspaper report, ok. That’ sone thing (although no self-respecting newspaper scribe would amdit to starting writing a longer-form Sunday story on a Saturday).

          But it’s your one weekly priece. Every writer wants time to write it, let it sit. See if there’s holes, maybe some additional reporting to be done… before an editor loks at it. Polish. Every single good writer does that. Every one. It’s not that half the world are geniuses and bang out perfect first draft copy and half of us have to do multiple drafts and revisions. No. Everyone needs to polish and go ove rtheir stuff for t to be any good.

          She doesn’t know this. Because she isn’t interested in the – hate to use the word – “craft” of writing. She is unaware that writers regard this painstaking, attention-to-detail part as esseital. That they’re embarassed when they short that part of the process… not proud.

          She’s the perpetual undergrad. In her mind, it’s cute, charming that she dashes things off last minute.

          But it’s also telling,. She’s one of those people that loves the potential of herself. Being told she “could realy be a great writer”, or she could be a terrific tv host or actress or whatver the fuck.

          But the key is “could be”. As long as she doesn’t put in the real work she doesn’t have to really face failure. “Oh, well, I could have held on to that job if I really tried”, or “I would have been a great reality star/author etc. if I had really tried. But I was (busy/distracted_ whatever and I didn’t. So that failure doesn’t count.”

          • Not being mean, but, oh, the irony that you misspelled “essential” in your sentence about attention to detail. Dead of laughing. And I say this as the worst, self-editor in the world.

          • As long as she doesn’t put in the real work she doesn’t have to really face failure.

            So true. Like the time she submitted her audition video to Oprah 48 hours before that contest thingy ended. She can tell herself that nobody voted for her, because there wasn’t enough time.

    • That probably explains some of it — maybe this guy will make the decision on whether her column lives or dies — but he is not her type.

      http://vimeo.com/lthanlon

      Also, you know you have a following of “haters” on Twitter. And you just broadcast to all of them who the editor of your shit column is. I hope to fuck NO ONE HERE contacts that guy — I beg people not to, actually — but how stupid is this dimwit?

      • Isn’t Hanlon the father of one of her friends? If so, is he the one protecting her ass at TMS?

          • Dadsers and her BFF’s daddy get wittle Julie a wittle internship during summer break. Don’t worry, TMS! Mr. Hanlon will check up on The Young One to make sure she turns in her homework on time. SUCH A PROFESSIONAL BIZNESS LADY!

      • I don’t comment often, but after I saw this, I immediately thought that if JAB’s column is cancelled after someone online contacts her editor, that would be another “whoa is me – bulliez ruined my life” situation she can then exploit. (Do they cancel columns? so clueless, so fat.)

        Just my two cents.

  22. JuliaAllison –
    I am studying this carefully 😉 LOL RT @katelaurielee @espiers: New York Observer’s MEDIA MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORS LIST: http://t.co/Pl0b253

    #golddiggerfail
    Putting a “‘;) LOL” by it doesn’t make it ironical (sic) when it’s TRUE, Julia Allison Baugher, professional stalker.
    (yes, i rang)

  23. Julia will never have a real job because Julia will only work to promote Julia. She lacks the ability to do anything for anyone other than Julia, which is why she is unemployable.

    Problem is, Julia is utterly lazy and completely lacking in a work ethic, even when it comes to self-promotion. Julia believes she should be compensated for being Julia Allison and nothing more, so she never improves the product “Julia Allison” that she wants to promote.

    You can see how people who value “hard work” confound her.

  24. The Love Song of J. Allison Baugher
    by A. B. Quirky

    Let us tweet, then, you and I
    While my airmiles are spooling out against the sky
    Like a terrier forgotten in a downtown condo;
    Let us Facebook photos of ourselves
    Dressed as fairies or as elves,
    Or as Wonder Woman in an upside-down tiara.
    Oh, do not ask “Why should I go?”
    Or wait around for an OBO.

    {….}

    I grow old…I grow old…
    I will wear the bottoms of my too-small jeans shorts rolled.

    Shall I part my pelts askew? Do I dare to eat a pear?
    I will wear pink leather booties and perch a Stetson on my hair.
    I am more annoying than anyone can bear.

    I’m a pro, not random, and I was inside.

    I have posed for cheesecake pictures, though a prude.
    I have cheered for Taylor Swift up on the stage
    And waved a sign, despite advancing age
    And stuffed my face with gluten till I cried.
    My life’s a hollow sham, and I’m a fool
    I wish the Internet still found me cool.

  25. Can I ask a random question? I just watched The Good Wife (lots of Cheetos) and it really affected me. I don’t know why. Have you seen it? If not: very vague SPOILER ALERT. contrary to what everyone else seems to think, I stop didn’t like her choice at all but wanted her to choose the alternative. I am amazed that I am thinking about this all day. Does anyone else think like I do? Thanks.

      • I watched all the way through … thus my disappointment with the last episode. I’m so surprised with myself! I desperately want her to go to the guy who sent her the bloody glove. (how stealth am I being? I feel kinda silly.) I suppose that’s the sign of good drama, that I care so much. Alan Cumming is great; I wish I had seen him in Cabaret.

        • yea, the other thing that annoyed me was Will’s “gf” is supposed to be this hot chick, same role she played on Grey’s Anatomy a while back and – um, just, no. She’s weird looking. Calinda rocks. So does Grandma. And the son’s bitchy blonde wasp evil girlfriend. And of course: DIANE and her Charles Heston bf. VERY good casting. I hope they do more with that kingpin drug dealer too….

          SORRY To all of you who don’t watch, although I encourage you to – it’s very well written show.
          Signed,
          portly cave dwelling lazy cat bitch who actually watches TV

          • Agree, Bitchface, and she had her own sitcom for a hot minute where she was supposed to be god’s gift to men as well.

            But didn’t her character on Grey’s have like a face transplant or something? I thought the casting was brilliant cause the actress does look like something happened to her…

          • exactly – she was supposed to have gotten this super hot new face when she was plain before & was dealing with her her new life looking different and beautiful (huh?). I thought that the storyline was that she ~was~ pretty then got a plainer face transplant. It would have been better casted with Julia Allison Baugher as face transplant patient.

          • love the Good Wife! Alan Cumming is totally amazing, but the whole cast is pretty great. I did see Alan Cumming in Cabaret…he was unbelievable. I saw Raul Esparza in the same role a few years later, and Michael C. Hall (Dexter) another time. Yep, I was obsessed and saw the show 3 times (unlike Julia Allison Baugher, I am ACTUALLY really into musical theater and dance, and attend shows even when a hot piece isn’t paying my way). Anyway, Cumming outshone the other two, who are awesome performers in their own right.

    • It’s the only network drama I regularly follow these days. Amazing cast and writing – Kalinda is one of my favorite characters on television.

      • Yeah. FNL affected me the same way, and I am looking forward to Mad Men – Damages was almost as fun to watch, but not as compelling. And of course there’s the Julia Allison show…

        • I cried like a baby when FNL ended. What am I going to do without Riggins? I need to find a new show.

    • love LOVE LOVE the good wife. not reading your spoilers, though. i recently was going through some hard times and needed a major distraction. bought season 1 on DVD and it became my sweet escape. i think it’s excellent, excellent tv. season 2 comes out sept 13, i think, and then season 3 starts sept 25th… woo HOOOO!

    • Oh god, this fucking girl never gets over herself. You are fat honey, you aren’t curvaceous. I can’t. Whatever excuse she has to refer to what someone said about her tits, catcalling her on the street, bla bla. She’s so sad.

      • She’s fat and curvaceous. She could have been a chorus girl in the 1870s, when 5’3″ 200-pound Lillian Russell was the reigning stage beauty.

        And, you know, so what? Nobody cares except the guys at the fat admirers’ dance. Humblebragging that you meet a beauty ideal from past generations is ridonkulous.

  26. So, I started thinking about this the other day… about why Peter B. and fam support the shamewhoring Donkey.

    I recently read “The House of Sand and Fog” and in the first few chapters you learn that the male protagonist has been ‘putting on airs’ about the value and wealth of his family so that his daughter could marry well. (He was secretly working two jobs to maintain the image: road-side cleaning, and also at a gas station.) The family must keep up this image to allow the daughter to find a husband of a higher financial and social class. (It works, for the most part.)

    I started to wonder if, at this point, that isn’t what is driving the Baugher’s. They, and Julia, are trying to project this image of a cosmopolitan, jet-setting, famous and successful by her own right (with only a touch of ‘ambiguous’ family wealth/aid behind the success) so she can do the only thing she is fit to do at this point: marry up. Once they unload her on some rich, successful, upwardly-mobile man who will improve their social standing, they can relax and let him take over the purse strings and declare “Mission Accomplished” while enjoying the luxury of their new found connections.

    They need to make her seem more valuable than she is, lest she fail to land someone of a superior social and economic class. After all, no one is going to buy a busted Donkey wearing a freshwater pearl necklace — she needs to appear to be clothed in a diamond and platinum encrusted saddle.

      • She acts like it is, KS, so I can’t be too far off. Consider her bullshit puritanical values (which change when and where necessary), her ‘man pay for everything’ mentality, her ridiculous wannabe bobby-sox wardrobe, her fake face and shape, her faux-feminism, and any number of other things.

        She wants to be someone’s bon-bon eating home honey. I think her parents have realized she is fucked for personal success and are funding her image until they can pawn her off.

      • I say 3-5 because I think she will really freak out by 35 and be willing to marry anything with a giant wallet, no matter what he looks like.

          • some of the worst personalities in the world have found mates. i think dog-yapping is right….35 is as old as she will allow herself to be before settling with some wallet.

    • I have theorized before that they want to marry her off to someone rich or from a rich family so she ceases to be their problem. I find Momser’s weird obsession with finding her daughter potential husbands and being on her all the time to land one a bit off for a woman who came of age in the ’70s and had her own career until she met Dadsers. I have also heard from multiple sources that Dadsers is a huge name-dropper, totally into rich and powerful people, so this is not only where Donk gets it from but might also support your theory. They seem unwilling to acknowledge her craziness, although her brother seems to know, and just want to pawn her off on someone else to deal with and then bask in the glow of deflected glory if it’s someone wealthy. This is why the Great Pancakes Fuckup must have really bummed them.

        • More like 10, I think. I’m sorry, though, you must know. You know the Baughers personally, right?

          • They were married when Dadster was ~27. (Not sure if Dadster is a little order or not.) I’m going to take a wild guess that dating and engagement lasted a year or two. Which leaves a rather short period between her graduating Stanford and her meeting Dadster. Yeah, Momsers’ career was really setting the world on fire…

          • Dude, you’re speculation as fact has gotten real old, real quick. Why not try saying something witty or entertaining, instead of surmising about shit you know absolutely nothing about?

          • LOL, holy shit you’re actually getting pissy about this! Hilare-ballz.

            Julia’s blogged pictures saying the year they got married. She’s also blogged her dad’s age as part of “happy birthday dad” posts. Dadster graduated P in 1970. That’s not from innuendo, it’s from his fucking TigerNet listing, which has about a .000001% chance of being wrong. He graduated YLS in 73 (same source) and was married in 75.

            Where exactly is the speculation here? Jacy said Momsers had a career **until** she met Dadster. Those were Jacy’s words. So how long did she have this career for? Unless Momsers is older than Dadster, it seems like her career was pretty brief.

            Yeah, Momsers was quite the role model. I, for one, am shocked that Julia’s goal in life has been to rope a wealthy guy. Where could she have gotten that idea?

          • I could be mistaken, but I thought I remembered Donk saying her mother was 29 0r 30 when they got married. And she certainly worked for several years at good jobs. So again, my point is I don’t get how a woman like her still possesses so many antiquated notions about snagging a man and how that will be the answer to all of her messed-up daughter’s problems. Her own problems, maybe, because this loon cannot have been easy to raise and let’s face it, she’s still their problem.

            http://blog.juliaallison.com/2007/05/mom.html

          • She turned 60 last year, they got married in ’78, so that would have made her 28, which means she had several years of a career under her belt before she got married and had Donk two years later. She puzzles me, Momsers does.

          • Oh my god Jacy that essay about her mother deserves its own post/ dissection.

            “My mom… doesn’t wear makeup or get botox or hobble around in heels and a Juicy Couture sweatsuit pretending to be “hip and young.”

            ” two more or less well-adjusted kids with no discernable need for SSRIs.”

            Also, Julia even has a giant head in her mother’s paintings.

          • Also “mom who not only supported me when I started writing columns at Georgetown, but spent hours and hours on the phone editing them with me. ”

            Who needs to spend HOURS AND HOURS editing a measly little college newspaper column? This is why she screams LEARNING DISABILITY to me. No one should need that much hand holding.

          • Got sucked into the worm hole that is her old blog and flickr account. Do you think she did some escort work on the side way back when? Single young women don’t just jet off to St. Barth or the Super Bowl for no reason. There’s a picture on her flickr from Super Bowl week posing with an older woman she calls her “other mother” that just screams MADAME to me.

          • And Afghani, wrong. They got married in ’78. He’s older than Momsers, who turned 60 last year. He’s turning 62 in the fall. This is all from Donkey’s various past blog postings.

          • @Shamoo£ia:

            I’ll buy into the escort service theory.

            I was listening to a woman yesterday on Dr. Phil who said she considered doing it for the $1500 per ‘date’, & yeah, I can see $$ sign$ in Donkeys eyes, especially given her desperation to maintain that she’s $uccessful at what she does (whatever THAT is).

          • Just one now. Google Chrome always kicks me out and I have to sign in over and over again and it drives me crazy so sometimes I just don’t bother.

          • Thanks for clarifying. Every time I thought I had it figured out, there you were, tag-teaming yourself 🙂

          • I know. I love Google Chrome for all sorts of reasons but for some reason re: WordPress, it does weird shit. Other browsers would leave me signed in for days until I signed out, but they sucked in other areas.

          • But she’s not with a guy in those Super Bowl or St. Barths pictures. The St. Barths pics are of a birthday party for a sketchy looking guy named Stelios. She looks like hired entertainment for him and his friends.

          • tut tut (wading in a little late here, but whatever)… married in 78, momsers graduated stanford 73.

          • You said “she worked until she met Dadster”. I’m assuming she probably met the guy 2 or 3 yrs before she married him? Either way, this doesn’t leave that long. The fact she encourages Julia to just marry money seems to suggest this is the lesson she herself has taken from her life. Of course this isn’t a fact–she could’ve been a feminist and then just shelved it when convenient. I just think it’s incredibly sad.com either way.

            I find it really hilariballz (sp?) that people get fired up when I implied Robin might be lazy like Le Donk. Really? This is what people want to get fired up about?

          • Afghan, that’s hardly the reason people get “fired up” about you. You are the authority on everything, Donk-related or no. You know Greasy. You know OMGBEARS. You know the McCains. You know Tim Ferris. You know the Baughers, and apparently exactly when they met, when they got married, how old they are and how long Robin Baugher worked. Except no, you don’t. You’re wrong. And you’re wrong about lots of shit, and usually we just can’t be bothered arguing with you because the commenters usually take you to task. But whether we’re talking Donkey’s newest boyfriend, astrophysics, philosophy, law, you KNOW it all. Except that you very often don’t.

            Dude, give it a rest. It’s really tiresome.

        • AFF, you’re starting to sound as unhinged as Bonercide. I can only home it starts a meme as awesome as OMGpears.

          • Yeah sure, I bet Robin was a really hard worker with a great career ahead of her… and now she’s just a donkey enabler who helps with the deballage and encourages Julia to marry money. Sounds like a real Meg Whitman/Sheryl Sandberg to me.

          • I think what people are fired up about is that you are such a dog with a bone on this. You are coming off as crazy, unhinged and stalker-ish as Bonercide the other day.

            And as the point was made repeatedly to Bonercide, people like you (at least to me) and Bonercide make this community look crazy by attacking things that go beyond the scope of what needs attacking. You weren’t there, you don’t know how hard RB worked on her career. If you want to surmise that maybe she wasn’t the greatest parent because of how her daughter turned out, fine. But the other shit is ridiculous and you look crazy for endless googling her parents.

      • Jacy — I know you’ve said it before. I was just rolling off that theory to put forth the possible ‘reason’ that her parents keep funding the shitshow. They know it is a shitshow, but are hoping to keep it aloft long enough to get her into a position where they can be free, and hopefully milk it for the product. Daddy Warbucks is funding the war so Joolier can take home the territory with the opponent’s white flag-tiara in hand.

      • Afghani, you need to shut the fuck up about stuff you don’t know about. While I don’t think Robin Baugher was OMG STAY AT HOME MOM OF THE YEAR or anything, it’s totally legit to make raising your kids your full-time career (provided you are lucky enough to have the income). There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom or dad.

        With that said, it’s pretty obvious she must have done a terrible job with Julia. At least Brit appears to be all right.

        • Never said being a stay at home mom was bad, I personally think it’s great. But there’s a difference between someone staying home to really raise their kid and someone who wanted a meal ticket. But hey, you’re right, maybe Robin works really hard with all those powerful moms planning the deballage. These things don’t just happen themselves, you know.

    • For families with super-spoiled privileged children, this isn’t as ridiculous as it might seem. I grew up in an area similar to where Julia grew up, and my cousin (also from the same area) and some other equally useless girls from my high school are definitely a few years away from this life plan. After Dad pays for mediocre B.A. degree, he keeps paying for a condo, plane tickets, fashion school, etc, in exchange for the successful marriage that comes from running with expensive circles of people. It’s gross, but it happens.

      • Yes, I agree totally. There is also prob a strong element of her parents’ hubris. If they set her up in a situation that looks good from the outside, it looks much better for them as opposed to saying she’s a layabout/failure. It’s more to discuss over dinner or golf to make them look like great parents and also, to make them look more upper class. Their daughter is such a celebrity/jet-setter/friend of Facebook, etc. Veblen’s conspicuous consumption/leisure probably applies.

        • This sounds right, but along the lines of Veblen, a wealthy person would never tweet or blog about the types of things she does. It would be all about the leisure activities themselves and there would be no sharing.

          • Not necessarily true. I understand your point, but it’s only half truth as applied now – communicators are significantly different in modern times.

          • I hate to say it, but this distinction is going the way of high button grooves.

          • ‘… a wealthy person would never tweet or blog […] there would be no sharing.’

            Huh. Charlie Sheen never got the memo.

          • Charlie Sheen earned his money. Veblen was writing about those with intergenerational wealthy who did not have to work and basically didn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks to bother seeking attention. Charlie Sheen’s money is of recent vintage, so he’d be expected to be more profane. The tackiest class, though, would usually be the upper middle class who is most dependent on brands and trends to show “taste”.

          • I know Charlie Sheen is Martin’s kid, that isn’t intergenerational wealth–the family *worked* for it. Veblen makes a big distinction between recently earned income and the “leisure class”. The Sheens are not even close to being the leisure class. Furthermore, just by the fact they’re in entertainment, they’re an awful example because of course they have to do press and generate attention. This isn’t even close to what Veblen was talking about. Maybe you should read some of his works? Interesting blend of Economics and Sociology, way ahead of his time.

          • If you want to simplify Veblen down to being about “class”, that is laughable. His work is considered some of the most important in classical economics. The better critique was the person above who pointed out that he wouldn’t have envisioned the ease of communications today.

            I don’t get the “child of immigrants” thing, I’m sure I’m missing a good joke somewhere. Oh well.

      • You forgot the year and a half where they “design a handbag” or start a “jewelry line.”

        Oh yeah – and the three months out in New Mexico where they “really unwind” and “cleanse their spirits” and “find their own Native American avatar–so beautiful, Muffy’s was a little butterfly” and “kind of find their center” and “lay off the hard shit until the rock arrives on the finger.”

    • This theory is completely plausible and has been playing out for at least a decade, all the way back to when she trolled the med school library for future doctors.

        • We used to go to the med library for kicks just to listen to Julia talk on the phone while she was “working.” On and on and on about which guy at GU had the most money and which one should she try to snag–all this while she was engaged to some schlub in the law school!

  27. Something just occurred to me.. Could this need to go to L.A. and give a talk be needed for her OMG Bravo Show thing she’s supposedly working on?

  28. OT: I’m still seeing Jack McCain on Juera’s FB friends list. Did JackJack hand her back his balls and FB privileges?

    (Does anyone else see Juera in her signature? Donk can’t even write her own name correctly. It’s pearticularly worrisome.)

    • I saw Juela (it didn’t help that she didn’t dot the i in Julia, but dotted the i in Allison) The xoxos were so horrific i almost vommed in the shower.

      • RE: “Jueia” — the un-dotted “i” is unfinished business, indicative of Donkey’s work ethic.

        RE: “All i son” — stopping to write & dot the “i” all at once is indicative of a couple of things: [1] her propensity to interrupt, & [2] her own inability to work smart & do things right/write/rite.

        p.s. I’m channeling AFF when I state my speculations as undisputed fact.

    • Interesting. They were definitely NOT on each other’s friends lists just a couple of days ago. Can you imagine the incessant braying, stalking and hoof stomping that must’ve gone down over the past couple of days? JAAAAACK!!! WHHHY DID YOU DE-FRIEND ME!!!! I PROMISE NOT TO HARASS YOUR NEW TINY N CUTE GIRLFRIEND! PLEEEEEASE RE-FRIEND MEEEEEE!!!!!

        • This is probably what happened: I think he tried to quietly defriend her after her hideous helo babe comment (if someone defriends you, you don’t get notified about it) and she realized they weren’t friends anymore after reading the thread here a few days ago and… COMMENCE HOOF STOMPING!

  29. How is her new logo her “actual signature”? Isn’t that a popular late 80s/early 90s font? I know I recognize it from an Aha video or 90210 or something, hot pink and all.

  30. WTF?!?! She is fucking 30. What 30 something gives a crap about this? I am really beginning to wonder if she was abused and emotionally stuck as a teenager.

    julia Allison @JuliaAllison What would happen if the Jonas Brothers sang a duet with Taylor Swift? Would Tween World explode into a giant pile of glittery fairy dust?

    • She’s obviously stuck somewhere around 15 years old. Major trauma somewhere in there. I think it’s the fact Peter so clearly wanted an intellectually gifted child, but she’s such a low-wattage dimwit she could never give him what he wanted.

      But everything her about her screams 15 (except her face). Especially her writing style.

      • I’d say younger than that. 12 or 13 maybe.

        How old was she when she “was inside”? Not to dig up details of that time, which is a very private matter, but I can’t help but wonder if family members (including her) went through counseling. If something traumatic happened in my family, I’d sure as heck make sure they have the resources to to be able to process it, both shortly after and over time, especially during a critical time like puberty.

        Julia can’t even process a John Mayer concert. We know she is short on brain cells, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need help dealing with a horrible event, one that may have stunted her emotional growth in some way.

        • she was 10 or 11.
          also, if she was OMG such a true taylor swift fan, she would know that taylor and joe jonas hate each other after the whole being dumped over the phone thing. gosh!

      • I think something happened, but to my thinking, it happened much earlier than tween/teen years — maybe along the lines if a cognitive disorder dx early on that accounts for them er cutting her so much slack that she was already out of control by the time she was planning birthday prohibited birthday parties behind their backs? A head injury in some accident that resulted in damages being awarded & that’s the $$ she’s blowing through all these interest-bearing years later? Far-fetched, I know. Maybe they just royally fucked up the oldest kid, as often happens to new parents.

        • I had forgotten about that birthday party story. She’s probably proud of it but it really just establishes her as an asshole since way back.

    • That would never happen. Didn’t Taylor Swift date a Jonas, he dumped her, and then she wrote some bitchy song about him? Jesus, I don’t pay attention to tween celebrity gossip AT ALL and even I know that.

      I don’t think she was abused, but I definitely think she has some kind of serious cognitive disorder or learning disability and that’s why her parents keep propping her up. To them, it’s probably a major accomplishment that she can live somewhat independently and not in a group home.

      • You would think that someone so obsessed with Taylor would realize that she dated a Jonas Bro and they broke up via a short phone call and has written songs about him.

        And who gives a fuck about teenagers at 30? The only time I care is when they keep me up at night outside at my neighbors & it makes me feel old.

        • when i was nearing my expiration date, i was really into my so-called life. does that make me a donk?

          • I don’t think so! I was late to the MSCL game and had to sneak to watch it, having been a sheltered youngin’ at the time. I fully intend on watching every ep sometime in the near future – it’s definitely already Netflixed and I was reminded by a commenter mentioning donkay’s ill-perceived Angela/Jordan “Buffalo Tom” moment recently. 😀

      • I can’t believe she’s such a HUGE T-Swift fan and doesn’t know the story about how Joe Jonas (?) supposedly dumped Taylor Swift in a 27-second phone call. Donks doesn’t know these things because she doesn’t retain information about anyone but herself. (And even then…)

    • Her attempts at physically reversing the aging process have dramatically failed so she’s going with emotionally and mentally reversing the aging process.

  31. [img]http://ny-image2.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.193410642.jpg[/img]
    and
    [img]http://www.karlatileart.com/images/mosiacs/burro_pear.JPG[/img]

    That is all.

  32. …but here’s the thing Donk, YOU AREN’T NICE TO PEOPLE.

    So the framed Conan quote is 100% not relevant. You neither work hard, nor are you nice to people.

    • It really should say “Avoid Work and Use & Manipulate the Shit Out of People”

      I would totally cross stitch that one for her! Cause I am so nice. SO NICE.

  33. Can we discuss how she tweeted an email comment from Paul Carr? And an obnoxious one at that? “I HAVE FRIENDS WHO WORK FOR TECH CRUNCH”

    She’s so gross.

    • She’s a social media maverick-y maven with a big ol’ melonhead!

      One day we’ll all look back at the time we weren’t rewweeting our emails and think GOD! WHAT were we THINKING?

    • Don’t leave it here! Put it in the trash where it belongs!

      Seriously, can we get a new article, this page is now taking like 8 years to load.

      • Great work Donkey. Really excellent the way you reblogged your friends’s cancer blog. Ho hum. Was there a question in there by the way? Oh right, the setup was “Have you heard of…” and coincidentally it happens ZOMG you HAVE heard of! You really knocked it out of the park this week!

        The headless corpse of Hunter S Thompson is doing the Cancer Twist in his grave.

    • WTF?

      “I remember the young Jenna brimming with energy and laughter, and pretty and popular (but definitively not a mean girl) with long dark hair and a near-constant grin.”

      Pretty and popular = mean girl? SO, SO MANY fucked up childhood issues. I kant.

    • Let’s not give her hits – remember – we made her Windy City Live Video #1 by hitting the link as someone pointed out.

      I’ll leave it here:

      DEAR JULIA: I know you’re from the Chicago area — have you heard of Jenna Benn and her blog, KillitintheButt.com (http://KillitintheButt.com), dedicated to chronicling her fight against cancer? It seems like this generation of patients increasingly opens up through social media about their challenges. — Armchair Doctor

      DEAR DR. ARMCHAIR: Not only have I heard of North Shore native and charismatic cancer cult figure Jenna Benn, 29, I went to high school with her! I remember the young Jenna brimming with energy and laughter, and pretty and popular (but definitively not a mean girl) with long dark hair and a near-constant grin. Although we didn’t stay in touch post-graduation, I heard she had been diagnosed with lymphoma last December. How? Facebook, of course.

      What I didn’t know is that Jenna’s story — or rather, the way she chose to tell her story through various social media including Twitter, YouTube and a blog — would take her from victim to vanguard.

      “Cancer is really isolating, even with a strong support system,” typed Jenna in a Facebook chat interview. “At the end of the day, it’s you against the disease. I typically have been very private, but when I was diagnosed, I found myself needing to go public. Facebook, Twitter, my website became my refuge. It got me through the darkest times.”

      Jenna’s blog, hysterically and unforgettably titled “KillItInTheButt.com,” began “really factual” as merely a way to quickly broadcast information to her loved ones. “Communicating with friends and family became a full-time job, and it was exhausting. I couldn’t keep up with the emails,” she said.

      But then a funny thing happened. “It evolved into a space where I felt safe talking about my hopes and dreams and fears. And as I became more honest about my experience, others became more honest with me. It no longer was about my journey and fight with cancer. My story was everyone’s story. It was really fascinating: As others were drawing strength from my struggle, I was drawing strength from theirs.”

      Her humorous and relatable take on cancer spread virally, and soon she was getting supportive letters from around the world. That’s when she finally “realized the power of blogging.”

      But then it got hard. Really hard.

      Chemotherapy required lengthy inpatient stays, and a compromised immune system forced Jenna into isolation. “I started to feel really cut off from the world around me,” she said. “Facebook was my connection, but it was hard, because my life felt like it was on pause while everyone else’s was on play. They were having babies, getting married, entering new relationships. I was paralyzed.”

      Frustrated, Jenna danced alone in her room every day, but “I was really going stir crazy.”

      “I figured, well, what can I do? The twist, I could do from my bed. I could even manage to do it when dizzy. So that’s when I put out a dance challenge: who’s twisting with me? And people sent in videos!”

      Posted on FB or uploaded to their YouTube accounts, hundreds dedicated dances. “It was the best gift I received, to watch people dancing. I was no longer alone, I was a part of this virtual dance floor — and while my body was failing me, I felt incredibly supported and loved.”

      Jenna called it — the dancing, the sharing, the connections — her “new twist on cancer.”

      All that twisting and blogging must have worked. After many months of treatment, Jenna’s cancer is now in remission.

      On Aug. 11, just one month after her last round of chemotherapy, sporting a sparkly green dress and proudly shaved head, she hosted an event called “Twist Out Cancer,” (@TwistOutCancer) to raise funds for drug research. I was there that evening, and Jenna practically levitated. In a followup blog post about the evening, entitled “Magic is Real,” she spoke of her hard-earned survivorship and the feeling of “floating” on that dance floor surrounded by “love and kindness, generosity and support.”

      Much of that, she said, is due — yep — to social media. “It has profoundly changed me. I always said that I would love to be able to tell Mark Zuckerberg thank you,” she typed. “Thank you for getting me through cancer.”

      EYE ROLL

      • Yeah okay, that reader comment is real. WTF is this column??? Holy hell! It’s just Julia talking about Julia and people Julia knows. KILL IT ALREADY NUKE IT FROM ORBIT.

        • Also reading her writing it does things to me does things bad things bad bad bad things I can’t fucking STAND IT. WTF IS A CANCER CULT FIGURE FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! “Brimming.”

        • Right, a reader JUST HAPPENED to ask about one of Julia’s friends. WHAT A CRAZY COINCIDENCE!!!!

          And now we know why this took 2 hours to put together, just cut and paste from your friends blog!

          WORK SMARTER!!!

          • Also “dedicated to chronicling her fight against cancer” – is such a written sentence. No one says that casually. It’s like when she would leak a tip to Gawker and say she and so and so were “spotted.”

            Both have Julia’s hooves all over it.

      • She’s willing to exploit anyone or any issue in order to draw attention to her miserable self: cancer, gay teens being bullied, the genuine hardships faced by military wives. “How amazing that you should mention my dear friend who has cancer? Did I get a plug for OMG! Randi’s brother in there? Do you think I still have a chance with him?!” It is to vomit.

        • I was going to say, she loves to barricade herself under criticism kryptonite, like cancer, bullying, military vets, etc. I’m just waiting for her to take a strong anti-child-molestation-and-AIDS stance next.

          “*sniff* Mom they were so mean to me.. They said my article about CANCER was crap! *sniff* Who are these awful people?”

          Julia, you and Mark Zuckerberg ARE cancer.

          • A cancer on the body politic, indeed, and indicative of all that is wrong with 21st century America. It is to FILL IN THE BLANK.

      • This column is REALLY weird; like these fake questions basically just tee up any old thing she wants to write about. “Dear Julia: Ever hiked Runyon Canyon? Have any tips? Dear Walking Tall: Boy, have I ever hiked Runyon Canyon, and let me tell you…” Like, this just a look at this person and she never once widens her focus to either make a serious point about the Web or ask a pertinent question about what it means to be sick in a digital age. And really, I’m not so shocked at her for writing this, but who at TMS is allowing this crap to be published?

  34. Because I Kant comment on CancerFriendploitation 2.0 I’ll leave something more OT: http://twitter.com/#!/CourtneyStodden is beyond description. (note uses of XO! and puppy references!)

    For the unacquainted, Courtney Stoddard is 16 or 17 (yes, really-has case of Donkface) and married a 51-year old actor who, AFAIK, reached the pinnacle of his acting career as a guard in The Green Mile or Shawshank Redemption.

    She lurves God, “erotically rolling out of bed” and “her pups licking her up and down.” Apparently she and the hubs have been giving interviews that are disturbing as all hell. A nice recap (and video) can be found at the Daily Mail–a site touted by our resident fruicake. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2017105/Courtney-Stodden-16-reveals-Doug-Hutchison-51-tiger-bed.html

    Truly, the vid is horrifying– I’ll just leave this here.

    [img]http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/07/21/article-2017105-0D18250000000578-662_306x368.jpg[/img]

    • Yes, the 16 year old going on MILF is really disturbing shit. Along those same lines, I just broke down and looked at the Windy City Live video. YE GADS! The Brayer has never looked so horrifying, what with the Joker mouth and the messed up face and the Lily Munster hair. Someone ventured that she’d land some old geezer with a wallet by age 35. I’m doubtful and wouldn’t hit that if I were being paid.

    • with doug hutchinson, all i can see is his evil character in the green mile. his child bride just ups the creep factor.

    • Go right to 2:05 and watch for :20 seconds – even if you think you can’t stand it. The lulz are incredible!!!

      Her “Mmmm-hmmms kill me.”

    • It seems like this is one gigantic Chris Hansen To Catch A Predator pervert troll.

      CH: “You say you know she was 16, right?”
      You: “Mmm Hmm”
      CH: “And you still clicked on her “sexy photoshoot” link, correct?
      You: “Well, I..”
      CH: “And you stared at her as she made obvious oral sex motions with her mouth!”
      You: “She doesn’t make any other type of motion with her mouth!”
      CH: “I need you to take a seat over here please.”

      She acts like someone slipped her a roofie, a pill of ecstasy, and 8 appletinis and they never wore off. Still, she’s married, which is more than I can say for the Donk.

    • HAHA I totally thought about donkey when I used to catch these clips! That is great!!

      Totally think this chick has a drug problem the way she was making movements on camera and licking her lips and shit. So disgusting.

    • I also wish I never saw the twitter account. Now I feel all dirty and gross. She’s such a skeeve.

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