Do You Hear That Haters, Pancakes McCain? Julie Albertson Can Still Attract A Man & Goes On Dates!!!

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Is there anything more digitally fun than textual flirting on a warm summer day – flexting, as it were? No. No, there is not.

74 COMMENTS

    • Seriously. ‘Flexting’ sounds like something totally different than what she means it to be, like showing off your workout routine digitally, or IMing across multiple, flexible platforms or whatever.

    • I didn’t listen to all of the radio show last week, but one thing that caught my attention was that the host said she didn’t “sext” but then proceeded to describe how she was sexting all over the place.

      • Yes! She said how the guy even ended up having an orgasm but it wasn’t sexting. What a dolt.

        • Is it de rigueur for tarted up sex columnists, bloggers, whatever, to be completely inept in their alleged line of expertise? Oh wait, Julie was a “dating columnist,” yes? And she’s proved an ability to master her own relationships again and again. HA HA HA! Fuck you, Julie, I know you read here.

  1. Is this some braggart flirting on donkey’s part?
    Or as I like to call it “flarting”?
    You’re right Julia. Coining new words is fun.

    • Flarting sounds like passing gas as opposed to sharting. Arent words that have meaning other than what you intended so sexy?

  2. Oh Jesus Julia, Jack couldn’t give less of a shit. He and his entire family are just glad they got you the fuck out of their lives.

    This would be beyond pathetic if he DID care about you even at all…the fact he’s just glad to be rid of you and your insanity makes this just beyond surreal.

    • That’s the hilarious part. He really truly doesn’t give a shit and is not clicking on her blerg every five minutes.

    • The funny thing is that you can tell when you are missing some story. When you don’t know the actual reason she is posting something. If she is all of a sudden “SO HAPPY” it is to prove to someone else that she is. If she all of a sudden loves yoga it’s because there is a man in her sights who loves yoga. So if you read something and think why is she going on about music all of a sudden then you know you missed some new guy. Once you know what is really going on with her then her blog, texts, FB status updates, etc read with a whole new meaning.

      • Exactly. Always, always a hidden agenda, an ulterior motive. As soon as I see the “I am so happy/so settled/so grounded/emotionally healthy Julia that I am today,” I know some major shit is going down behind the scenes. Always.

      • It’s like how you look for black holes…you look for movement of the stars around them.

  3. Yeah, I can think of a lot of things more “digitally” fun.

    You know, “digits”.

    Like fingers.

    • Yes! I hate her hideous high school creative writing style. Nobody writes or speaks like her, “as it were.”

  4. I thought she said she was going to be fucking single for a while and was blissfully happy not being involved with men? Lying cunt. Just put down your fucking phone, for once in your miserable existence.

    • She is doing this today because now it is out (yet again) what a raving lunatic she is. This is her way of saying, “Someone still loves me! You are allllllllll wrong.”

      • No I truly believe the bitch is literally addicted to her fucking phone, internet, twatting, texting. It’s disgusting. She cannot be alone and with herself for three seconds. Can you imagine how annoying she must be in person constantly checking her twatter/FB/Blergh/texts/phone calls. She’s a waste of life.

  5. Hmm.. something more fun on a warm summer day… oh, I know! How about actually enjoying the day by going outside, and not being a complete hosebeast?

    • Exactly. She adds the legalese “digitally”, but what the fuck about a “warm summer day” is supposed to make it the funnest thing EVAR? It makes no sense.

      Flirting with an actual person in summertime can be quite nice in my experience, but what a saddo slore, always on her stupid phone. Texting with Dadsers. I mean, really!

  6. Let’s give Julie the benefit of the doubt and assume she is, indeedy, flextating on this ineffably sunny day. And yet she is incapable of enjoying the moment with her latest victim. No, no. She has to twatter it to the world. Has this girl ever lived in the moment? We’ve said it before: being Julia Albertson has got to be exhausting! All the planning and plotting and calculating and posing and googling and looking shit up in the thesaurus. And for WHAT?!? nobody gives a fuck but us! And that’s just for entertainment value.

    • And you wonder why NonSociety has been downgraded to a hobby blog and never sold for Fuck You Money! No time for that when there’s twattering to do!

      • I have literally been sexting allllll day and part of yesterday with a hottie who (unfortunately) lives about a five hour flight from me. We’ll probably have some Skype time later tonight.

        I have no need to live blergh that all over the Twatter… but I’ll let you cat ladies know, as I know you appreciate anything slightly sexual that doesn’t require us to leave our homes or shave our legs. Like Skype sex.

        #convenient

  7. Yesterday I looked at her twitter account and checked out her “favorites” and they all happen to be her own tweets & quotes. Her NPD is out of control.

    She clearly wrote that tweet after the last two posts here that make her look like the crazy, psychopath that she is. Could you imagine flirty texts from her? It would probably be something like “I bought new lingerie, you have to see how hot I look”

    • Ewwwwwww.

      I honestly can’t fathom how any man ever achieved an erection in her presence, let alone climaxed. She’s walking boner poison stuffed into suede hooves.

      • Now I can’t think about her having sex without her wishing the guy would hurry up and climax (per her radio interview).

        Now I’m wondering if guys just lost their boners and pretended to orgasm to get it over with.

        So sad, so flaccid.

    • I honestly JUST did the same thing and I couldn’t believe that she’s only favorited her own tweets (aside from a few TSwifty gems).

    • checked out her “favorites” and they all happen to be her own tweets & quotes

      What? Who even fucking does that? What is the point?

  8. Of course El Burro would find this digitally fun. It cuts out all that icky physical contact and removes any chance that the Tresses of Doom or Mount Spacklemore might get disheveled or smeared.

  9. It would be hilarious if these “Flexts” were, like, her training wanting to reschedule her next session and Donkey’s all “Oh yeah, Baby, I’ll reschedule you. You can see me any time you want! I need to update all my twitter followers about these hot texts!”

  10. Does anyone know how to get in touch with an @att or @verizon or @comcast spokesperson about Lollapalooza/big event network coverage?

    I thought Christine Kelly had amazing connections? Can’t @JuliaPriceMusic find this out for Julie? Sexy Casual? Ask Jordon or Mary. Is she flexting a real musician (with a real band in his garage) or some AR guy?

    • I love how she has a “job” and some of us don’t. All she does is crowd source for connections and ideas. God forbid she did research herself or picked up a phone and called ATT to try to find out that info. She’s a lazy fuck, I hope she does get dropped from TMS like the blind item earlier.

    • I love that she wants to speak to a Verizon spokesperson right now. With 45,000 of their employees on strike, I think they have higher priorities than an inquiring hosebeast who’s incapable of googling anything other than herself.

    • I can’t believe she thought Gwyneth Paltrow would be an example to Sexy Casual. Um.. no, Paltrow is never casual and rarely sexy.

  11. Question that is slightly OT-

    Steven Ward (“Expert Matchmaker”) said somewhere that you should never text a guy until after you’ve slept with him. His reasoning was that you get so much more information from phone calls/email and that texting is vague enough to have one misinterpreted message firebomb a budding relationship. He also states that over texting (say… 50 times a day?) is the biggest turn off in a not-yet-cemented relationship.

    Thoughts? I usually discredit any “expert” with a VH1 show, but this kind of stuck with me.

    • OMG THIS. I AM YELLING. TEXTING HAS LARGELY KILLED MY DATING LIFE. FUCKING HATE IT.

      I swear I would be married now if not for texting. I’m exaggerating but I have killed more than one budding relationship via text. Don’t even get me started. No one picks up the phone anymore and half the time why bother meeting if we can just fucking text all day? It creates this false intimacy also and a sense of progressing in a relationship when you aren’t really, and it’s way, way more impersonal than email even, because you can’t explain anything in depth. Plus I am super impulsive (duh) and come across as just bonkers some of the time via text, way more bonkers than I actually am. I can go on and on about this. Also yeah, no context whatsoever, so easy to misconstrue, so easy to start and leave off conversations because that’s accepted to just walk away from a text…I loathe it.

      • I recently killed something with someone I thought I could really like, and it was honestly just great in person the few times we hung out, so much fun and lovely, but we texted way, way too much from the beginning, so I started expecting the texts and feeling all butthurt if I didn’t get them, or wondering why he wasn’t answering sometimes, bla bla, and he just came across as so much more rude via text than in person, again because there is no context and no investment…and me being me, overtexted and we got into a few stupid disagreements, enough to seemingly scare him away and now I am not hearing from him. It’s painful and I hate texting.

        • I had the same issue situation a few years ago. Basically the entire relationship was conducted via text save for the few times we hung out. That’s mainly why I’m interested in other people’s experiences/thoughts/etc.

    • I actually have an old style flip phone and I get charged with texts so I just tell guys, “Yeah, don’t text me, I get charged a lot for it, just call me.” It works because, well, it’s true and also because I believe it’s just so easy to carry on a text relationship with several people and never really be invested but if you talk to someone, maybe there’s more of a chance to connect.

      If I upgrade my phone, I’m just going to be honest, “Texting isn’t my thing, call me.”

  12. OK, this is all well and good, but I think the question we’re all wondering is…when does the crayCRAY explode, as we all know it will? Tonight? When she’s back in Chicago and has to deal with the dark midnight of her soul?

    When is Volcano Julier gonna blow? I want odds, people!

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