Donk Has Issues


In case you missed it, and have an hour to waste, you can go here and listen to how fucked up Julie Albertson is about sex, men and relationships. Just the mention of dick makes her shudder in distaste. Also, the endless pelt-stroking. It’s still there, Donkey. And it’s still fake.


  1. Firsty firsty first!

    The host is cute and manic in a Bethenny Frankel way, Toolia seems like she’s on something.

  2. Aside from all the INSANE stuff she brays about, what is really striking to me is how bored she gets the second the conversation is not about her. You can practically see her little mind reeling every time, trying to think of how she’s going to bring the subject back to herself. When the host starts reading the news clips Donkey just completely shuts off.

    • I couldn’t stand watching for long, but she was so rude when the conversation wasn’t directly about her. Every time she picked up her phone and started typing I cringed. How did the hosts not call her out for not paying attention?

    • Yes. I’m watching now and the host mentions she’s dating a guy, and Jabs just looks like, meh whatever. Then jumps to lame joke about weddings. Her face just goes slack and grim when she’s not the topic and is listening to other people and their boooooring selves.

  3. Uh, what’s with Julia’s voice? I think she’s consciously trying to change it — imitating journalistic gravitas is what it sounds like. She’s purposefully deepening it. But it just ends up sounding really, really dead. Emily sounds bright and her voice captures you, but Julia sounds totally dead.

    Emily says “I need to learn to tweet more from you.” Julia replies, “No, I don’t think you do. You’re doing more… important… things.” It was really, really weird. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to be self-deprecating or what. It was awkward.

    • Donk’s always been more of an alto than a soprano. The gravelly nature of her voice is similar to what I sound like the day after I’ve been to a club or a party — any event where I’ve had to shout instead of speak all evening, or to talk for hours on end. This is because Julia shouts for hours every goddamn day of her life.

  4. So it pisses her off that Taylor detags the Facebook photos. Keep it up, Greasy. It’s your right to remove your name from her endless stupid passive-aggressive photos.

    She hasn’t had sex in quite some time, she says forlornly. And considers premature ejaculators to be paying her a compliment.

    She likes long-distance relationships because they are like vacations, and thinks “real” relationships should work that way. OK, Donkey. Right. Both hosts dispute that notion.

    But other than that, she is relatively inoffensive here compared to that Mark Zito shitshow.

    • How disgusting is it to tag people anyways? I only do that with family members I am extremely close with and only when I know it wouldn’t bother them. She’s an asshole.

    • LDRs are the only way her relationships will last past a month, that’s probably the real reason.

      • Anyone who gets any more serious than “vacation mode” with this cuckoobird shrew wants out of it quickly. So that definitely explains why she loves long-distance relationships. I always howl when she says they allow her to “focus on her work.” Bwaha! Work = Googling herself, plotting revenge against her haters.

        • How dare you! She works long and hard at being the world’s first and only professional Facebook user!

          • These days, lots of people have made Facebook pages to advertise their businesses. Julia should make a Facebook page for her other Facebook page!

            Hactually, since she has her “fan page” thingy and her “private page,” I guess she already has a Facebook page to advertise her status as reigning Facebook Pro.

  5. Posted on the last thread but I will repost here. I did have an hour to waste and here are my random observations.

    Claims she’s a syndicated columnist for Tribune, Bay Area media and “a couple other dozen papers”

    She sounds like a 60 year old lifetime smoker. THE HEE HAWING!

    THE PELT PETTING!!! She literally cannot stop touching her hair, rubbing her nose, etc. She cannot sit still or stop fidgeting for one second.

    She looks like a giant next to the host. And her face looks like a puffy chipmunk.

    Also… WHAT WOULD KATE MIDDLETON DO? Certainly not be on raunchy radio shows.

    She’s such a prude. Why does she make the whole sex and dating thing her schitck when she makes an icky face every time someone says penis?

    She straight up says she doesn’t like writing, it’s so hard, etc. etc. Says talking is so much easier. Of course it is… she uses every opportunity to talk about HERSELF!

    Facebook photo tagging is a “constant issue” between her and Taylor? Grow the fuck up.

    Emily – with LDRs, you’re always on vacation!

    Apparently 28 1/2 is her expiration date.


    “Typos are lazy…. they’re sloppy.” says fieirce mani pedi wearer Julia Allison. Feel free to relax Julia! It’s not a competion!

    ALL THE GIRLS hate nudie pics!

    The male host is so on to Julia. He even makes a jab at the end about not always talking about yourself.

      • Pretty sure she thinks she’s above it. She’s the perfect Charlotte York trophy wife. You’re supposed to RESPECT the perfect trophy wife, not throw her over the sofa and fuck her brains out. Duh. That’s just for common women and whores.

        Not kidding, though, I honestly think Julia believes she’s above sex. Not above being sexy, just sex.

        • She actually says she SCOLDS men (‘scuse BOYS) for being to raunchy/forward/dirty in texts!!!

          She really does seem to hate herself and hate letting go.

        • You also have to get over yourself to really enjoy it. She’s way too self-conscious. Your hair gets all messed up, your body is contorted, things that might look perky clothed get smooshed, your makeup doesn’t stay in place, you’re sweaty. If you’re doing it right, anyway. I just don’t think Julia can handle that kind of loss of control over her appearance.

          • So very this. Control freaks suck at enjoying sex.
            And Julia is all about control, trying to keep the lid on the pressure cooker of her scrambled mind.
            Of course sometimes the pressure gets too much and then all of us here at RBD get to enjoy a Donkey Gras of crazy as the lid blows off.

          • YES! It’s very telling that she said you should wear lingerie in any sexy pics you email because it makes you look nicer and no one looks good nude. SO MANY BODY ISSUES.

            And the constant hair patting/fixing… it’s like she can’t even stand for it to be out of place while she’s sitting in a radio booth fully clothed!

        • Yes! It’s so *degrading* to perform an act which puts another person on the same level as ineffable&amazing&tiny&cute&brilliant&perfect MEEEEEE!!!!
          -Julia, probably

      • I will also reiterate my observation from previous post: her “HERE’S THE THING!!! HERE’S THE THING!!!” interjections/interruptions are out of control here.

    • I love how a (former) sex/dating columnist is such a prude anytime sex or dicks come up.

      I don’t think I can stomach watching that video. I caught about 15 mins of it live and just couldn’t do it. She is repulsive looking on camera and the voice is too annoying.

      • Yes considering one of her greatest leaps forward was wearing the condom fairy outfit which basically depicted her as a giant jizz receptacle.

        • When she says she’s dated “half the men in NY, SF, and LA” I pictured an overflowing cum dumpster too.

          Also how tired her gaping cooch must be. But as ever, she’s not being honest, exagerrating. She really is a prude. Handjobs with long white gloves! (Gloves now for sale on eBay.)

    • I think her voice is partially due to being from the Chicago area? That sounds crazy but I’m from Iowa, went to College there and then moved to Chicago and everyone who went to Iowa for school who was from IL sounded like that? I don’t know what it is or what’s in the water but IL girl voices = husky!

  6. I can’t possibly listen to an hour of this husky voiced mentally ill woman.

    Can someone post highlights/time stamps?

    • Of course the first words out of her mouth are “nationally syndicated.”

      You know what, you dumb insane spinster? Real columnists don’t say that. When someone asks Paul Krugman what he does, the answer is “I’m a columnist.”

      She clearly had to pause, while her addled mouse brain whirred to make sure it sounded as OMG IMPRESSIVE as possible.

      If it weren’t for her family’s money, she’d be a ward of the state. I’m watching and laughing at a mentally retarded girl. It’s starting to feel bad.

      • Seriously, if it wasn’t for her family’s $, she’d have no opportunities (if you even call them that). She can’t hold a job or a man. You have to love how Dad$ters uses whatever connections he has to get her a job after she gets fired each and every time.

        • I dunno – if it wasn’t for her family’s money, she might have had consequences for her behaviour.
          she might also have gotten a job, which at some point might have been a turning point for her.

      • I doubt Paul Krugman would say he’s a columnist if he was giving a quick response. He’d probably say he’s an economist. As in, a Nobel Prize winning economist. Columnist might come up 3rd on the list after economist and professor, though.

    • She starts talking about Greasy at 16:00 ish. I couldn’t watch much beyond that. She is just awful. And there is something so clearly off about her that I just ended up feeling creeped out.

    • Some highlights time-stamped because I have way too much free time right now.

      10:45 seriously loud tee hee haw. Hurt my ears
      11:42 “I get really traumatized by writing, I like having written” wtf does this even mean?
      12:s0 She is terrified to answer the phone. But didn’t she previously state that she loves long phonecalls with exes?
      *She’s constantly interrupting Emily. She literally pushes her arms in front of Emily’s face*
      17-19 she bitches about Taylor and implies that the girl he was dating was insecure about her relationship with Taylor….

      Ok I can’t anymore. I can’t watch/listen without cringing

      • Point 2: If she hates to write and it’s very difficult for her, then duh, she’s not a writer. Why has she chosen this as a career path?

        She wants to get paid for talking about herself. She seems bitter in this interview, and that’s probably because she’s mad no one will recognize how awesome she is and pay her to talk about herself all day and night.

        • I know plenty of writers who hate writing and find it very difficult. They just like the finished product, if that makes sense.

          That said, Julia isn’t a writer.

          • Yeah, Donko is mangling a quote that I have seen variously attributed to Gertrude Stein and Dorothy Parker: “I hate writing; I love having written.”

          • I thought the mangled quote came from Gloria Steinem’s “Writing Between the Lines.” Donkey and Old Yeller even got their picture taken with the grande dame of feminism, although Ms. G would probably upchuck if she knew of Donkey’s game plan: snag a man by pretending to like everything he does.

        • Nah, if you have high expectations for yourself, writing frequently feels painful and difficult. What makes Julia not a writer is that she has no interest in the world around her and her “style” makes me all headachy and stabby.

      • She has balls to bitch about the new girlfriend being “insecure about her relationship with Taylor.” Someone should send her the link to The Internet Never Forgets and give her a refresher on why no one should ever want anyone they love to have anything to do with her.

  7. Couldn’t sleep last night and watched some of this. The opening statement is CLASSIC Julie Albertson truth massage in action:
    Emily: … what’s your bio? Like you’re a writer for the …
    JABa: Um, I’m a, uh, nationally syndicated tech & social media columnist for Tribune Media Services; so the Chicago Tribune and the Bay Area Newgroup here and a couple, um, I don’t know, like, a dozen other papers. And then I cover Fashion Week for NBC in New York [arrogant sniff of self importance], NBC New York NonStop. I do all sorts of different media and I tweet a lot; I update my facebook status all the time. Yes.

    • Like what makes her a tech & social media columnist, having an iphone, facebook and twitter? Then sign me the hell up. Diluted Brain, social media expert.

      • This has always bugged me. Her “tech” credentials are nonexistent, beyond suctioning her clam dungeon onto the dick’s of a few unfortunate founders.

        Caroline McCarthy might be a pretentious yuppie Princeton wasp, but at least she can actually say to work in “tech.” Julie Baugher is just a 2-d fatsimile.

        • @caro isn’t a WASP at all. She’s not pretentious either. She’s really cool, which is why it used to piss me off that she hung with Donk a few times, but then she made it obvious she’s in on the “Julia as a joke” thing when she subtly dissed Julia in the RBNS comments section (or maybe it was RBD by then?)

      • I know! You can tell she KNOWS she’s full of shit and is grasping at straws. “I do all sorts of different media” WTF? I’m surprised she didn’t mention the Wired cover. She is a USER of technology, not a CREATOR or COMMENTATOR.

        • The message Julia is trying to send here always makes me lol so fucking hard. Her message being that she’s SO GOOD at using Facebook, Twitter, etc that she’s LITERALLY A PROFESSIONAL USER!

        • Seriously. Bitch can’t even Google. Took her years to figure out comments.

          She couldn’t even figure out the old ‘hide relationship status before changing it to avoid questions’ trick on Facebook. Where she is a ‘professional user’. Yeah.

    • OMG! I tweet a lot, too! Here I thought I’d been out of work for a year, but it turns out I had a job after all.

      • Right?? Like, THAT’S part of your bio??

        Tell us Julia, can you wipe your own ass, too?

  8. So twitchy and fidgety. From the free dictionary, fidgety: “a constant fretful stamping of hooves”

    • Lots of shots of her “bad side.”

      Her face looks like its smoothing out to be a perfectly smooth sphere.

  9. She’s such a bitch about Greasy untagging himself. I can’t believe that jackass is still friends with her. If my boyfriend went away with a jackal like her and then there were a million photos of them together, I’d be pissed too. If it Julie Albertson’s boyfriend pulled that on her, her head would explode. Imagine the restalyne splash that would ensue.

    • That’s what drives me nuts. The double standard. Imagine Pancakes had had a “friend” and she nagged him to be her escort to a wedding, and he agreed, and then she posted a billion FB photos of them together, yukking it up not just at the wedding but at some pointless rodeo afterwards. She’d lose her fucking shit, and aggressively go after the chick, regardless of how many times Pancakes assured her the girl was “just a friend.”

      • Didn’t Donkey mention recently that Via announced her wedding date back in December? Anyone suspect that Donkey railroaded Grease Chunky (a la “[Redacted] gimme a MacBook!” style) to go w/ her to a wedding that he may have, while they overlapped in December, at one time agreed to attend?

      • Also, did you catch where she discloses that Taylor’s relationship with “the young one” is over anyway? Or at least she thinks it is.
        I hope “the young one” sees the show and tags Julia’s favorite ball-free beer can on FB: “Your very good friend Julia said that we’re over on that Sex with Emily show. Damn right we are! B’uh bye now.”

        • Think it was a case of Greasy mumbling a few off hand words to Donkey at the wedding on the state of his newish relationship?
          Perhaps along the lines of her nagging him about it, him saying he didn’t want to talk about it and then Donk’s leaping to the conclusion it was over and the Young One was on the way out of the picture?
          I’m imagineering I know but I could see it going down that way.
          Discretion thy name is NOT Donkey and Greasy may be learning out the hard way not to confide in El Burro. Anything you say or do can and will be taken down and will be held against you in the court of Julia’s memories.
          Donkey Miranda warning.

        • She clearly despises The Young One because she was once The Young One and now she’s just The Busted One.

          • As this bears no connection to the person she wants to appear as today, Julia has forgotten that as recently as this year, she was ‘involved’ with someone younger than herself. That is, until recently, Julia was involved with her own Young One.

            Of all of her numerous and various symptoms of mental illness, her disregarding of her prior statements and actions fascinates me the most.

      • She’s losing her shit over his new girl, and they’re not even dating anymore! She always tries to play it like she’s the cool chick that can hang with the guys, be BFFs with guys, etc. when in reality she’s a conniving insecure harpy shrew who sees every man as a potential husband and every girl as competition. She’s the worst kind of woman.

        • I hate women like that. I ended a fairly long friendship with a woman who got worse in that regard as she got older. Every other woman, including me, she viewed as professional and/or personal competition. It got so tiresome and she was so ridiculously petty about the dumbest shit. It was a good day when I cut that weirdo off.

  10. The fashion show with all the powerful moms was scheduled for July 13th.
    What happened with that? Or was it one of things that gets mentioned and disappears?

    • Didn’t Grampers bite it around that time? I don’t think Julia ever implied that she was going.

      • I know but I had such high hopes for the tweets and photos that might have come from it. It was a situation ripe for posturing and preening.
        Oh well, on to the next poorly staged Donkey disaster!

    • If I were a powerful mom, I would certainly use my power for good by barring a golddigging Donkey.

      • I must be misremembering, because she was in CA on the 13th? I suppose she didn’t want to face all the powerful moms without her mom?

  11. Let me get this straight. She’s a social media columnist living in Chicago and she doesn’t know anyone involved in social media there?

    Just met w Chicago Tribune’s awesome events & social media team ab doing a “Keynote Conversation” for SM week here. Who should I interview??

  12. Okay, I FFed to 6:46 after watching the first minute or so. I thought the host was mildly annoying, but she looks like the most charismatic person alive now that Julia is on screen. Julia really does remind me of Lucille Bluth now. The dated-looking pelts, the inordinately self-important air, the horrible spackle. The hoop earrings! Is budget quinceañera the theme of her life now? Her hair really does look like she dyed it darker.

    12:40: the index finger wagging! Why?? And as everyone else has said, the pelt petting. Oh fuckity fuck, the pelt petting. So far Julia hasn’t opened her mouth other than to say “I like ___________. I don’t like __________ though. Yeah, I like _________ and that makes me super smart and normal, ya know.” And she has said this over and over again.

    16:12: side profile of Julia’s nose looks bizarre. Picasso would depict it by gluing a radish to a bike seat. Donkey embarks on a long story now about what she doesn’t like. Do. Not. Like. Donkey looking more and more like the tranny version of the other girl on screen. Today! On Sex With Emily! Emily and her drag queen imitator!

    FF to 39:04. The scene opens with Julia self-importantly saying “I am an AVID tweeter!” Donkey thinks she should write all her columns on two glasses of wine?!

    FF to 44:20. Donkey’s arm motions are so fucking weird. So drag queen. So much waving of the sausage fingers. The face. It is so melty!


    • Lucille Bluth is so true!

      Julia says she wants separate bedrooms, separate offices, and separate bathrooms. Separate bedrooms isn’t a normal marriage and predictably contradicts her obsession with princess weddings and true love. She comes across as a cynical fifty-something divorcee who has spent too much time at the country club. Sex? Oh my! Penis? EW! Her bitchfaces rival Sammi’s from Jersey Shore. She thinks pursing her lips and looking bored makes her seem sophisticated and classy like Kate Middleton, but Julia just seems like a self-aggrandizing prude.

      • Nothing wrong with separate bathrooms. My boyfriend and I are moving soon to a new place with two bathrooms instead of one and I CAN’T WAIT. Separate offices I can also understand, if you actually work, unlike Julia. But separate bedrooms? How fuck?

        • My parents had separate bedrooms, because my mom had a lot of health issues and they had really different sleep schedules. It worked for them.

          That said, Donk wants separate bedrooms because she hates cocks.

          • Wonkeye: When our Donkey gets married she’ll toss her crusty makeup bag and balloon up to the size of a manatee. Haven’t you read her totally enlightened and feminist thoughts on how women let themselves go immediately after they snag a man? No need to take care of yourself once you you’ve got your hooks into a wallet, bunnies!

    • I think Pancakes shows up as being in a relationship on Facebook, but somebody correct me if I’m wrong.

    • Yes, his new GF tagged him as in a relationship with him on Facebook. She’s tiny and cute!

      • I just assumed a little birdie told you about the new girlfriend, but that’s even better! Julia’s all about marking HER territory via FB relationship status change, but you know when that popped up in her news feed, she went ballistic.

        I find it strange how many of Julia’s so-called friends are friends with Pancakes on FB – Randi, Taylor, Aubrey, that Calleiach chick, Sarah Milligan and a host of others. They dated for a hot second and suddenly he’s friends with all those people he probably met once? And Julia gets to experience the second-hand humiliation of his status change in all of their feeds, too. Burn.

        • Well, he’s still Senator McCain’s son and Julia’s friends probably have their own selfish reasons for friending him, like she did in dating him. Can’t hurt, I suppose. Julia’s awful but I doubt her friends are angels themselves. They’re all on the make too.

          • I don’t see why the ‘friend’ connection should change, just because FlapJack dumped Donkey — it’s either as superficial as it ever was or they genuinely want to remain in contact — breaking connections for the sake Donkey just doesn’t seem to be what people in her orbit do.

  13. She’s awful quiet lately. And it’s coming up on a weekend in Chicago–always her worst time. Oh wait…she’s at Lollapalooza, right?

  14. Her only hope, at this point, is to score some guy who doesn’t have access to Google. Can you imagine some guy who stumbles upon this show (from her Twitter feed, or search results, or whatever) and actually watches it out of curiosity? He’d run away in a minute.

    I simply don’t understand why she continues to do this kind of worthless self-promotional crap, when it’s clear that these kind of unscripted back-and-forth style shows only make her look worse to whomever she’s trying to appeal to. The interrupting, the constant braying, the complete lack of self control in front of a camera, none of these things say “media professional” (or whatever the hell she’s trying to be this week) at all.

    • I think I know the answer to this one.

      Simply put, it is another appearance. Another entry on her very long list of appearances. And if you look at that list (as you must if Julia is supplying her own bio) – the aggregated list of appearances – it looks as though she is a seasoned, in-demand media personality. The gig is simply another notch on her bedpost of appearances.

      If you actually watch any of the listed appearances, of course, it is immediately apparent that she has an offensive, unlikable presence. But Julia banks on the fact that the average person will not sit through even a single one of her exhaustive listed appearances.

      It that way, it is completely consistent with everything about Julia. You might see her 20K twitter followers and/or her number of Facebook fans and think “damn, girl has influence.” She knows that no one is going to do the search to discover that most of them are bought-and-paid-for type of fans that are of little value to any potential advertiser.

    • After her all all pink home (see below), she will have no hope of scoring a man: google or no google.

  15. Her disdain for cock and sex talk is really weird, but what’s infuriating is how she deigns to speak for ALL THE GIRLS when she says we don’t like dick shots or dirty talk. SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, YOU FRIGID DONKEY!

    Also, the only reason she is making a big deal about the Taylor photo tagging is because it means so much to her to appear to matter. “LOOK, some guy’s girlfriend is jealous of me! I must be SEX-AY!” No, you’re livestock, any girlfriend would be horrified to find her man fraternizing with you.

    GOD, she’s insufferable.

    • Agreed. I’m in a bit of a dry spell right now and seeing a boner would actually be really great! (I mean, depends who it’s attached to and all, but still).

      • She’s clearly never had a hot sexual relationship, no matter how much she insists otherwise. If you’re banging a guy who does it for you on every level, hell yeah you’re turned on by the sight of his cock. Come ON.

        • Exactly!! I just don’t understand this anti-cockism! Could it be true she is a closet lesbian deeply in denial? I

          • I don’t think she is capable of enjoying sex with anyone, as she is totally incapable with connecting with another human being in any way (yeah, she’s a sociopath, not just a narcissist). I’m not at all shocked that her ex-bfs all say she prefers to be fucked with a dildo than a man’s dick.

    • I have absolutely no basis for this speculation, and I’m not really interested in going back and doing some mental math, but for some reason I long assumed that the “Your dick is huge” e-card was a response to a naughty pic from Taylor.

      Maybe because I assumed she wouldn’t let him huck it in her just yet? Of course, in retrospect, she probably meant it was difficult to blow, since that is our lady’s expertise, or whatever.

  16. Oh lord, I just Kant:

    VS1022 2 hours ago
    Insteadd of loving walking into the home of a guy you’re dating and finding this…why not work to create a home of your own with a library like this?

    juliaallison 2 hours ago in reply to VS1022
    Because my next home will be 100% pink!!

  17. I made it only ten minutes into the video. Her mannerisms are so self-conscious and skittish. One second she’s trying to seem sexy, next smart, next funny,she can’t make up her mind what image she wants to present at any given moment and it comes across faker than the pelts she keeps stroking. Also, she blinks CONSTANTLY and very slowly too, no wonder we have all these great screencaps.

  18. Jesus. I’m trying to get through this video, but Julie is literally unwatchable.


    What the hell is up with all the fidgeting and fussing? She looks like a cracked out tranny. I can’t hear a word she’s saying because I’m so distracted by her constant stroking of the pelts, touching face and mouth, scratching, weird blinking, talking over the hosts, leaning in to read over Emily’s shoulder. SO annoying.

    Also, at the very beginning you can hear Julie say, ‘I’m gonna eat my chocolate. I love that you have an emergency stash.’ Then you hear the rustling of her candy wrapper as the host starts the show. How does she not know that’s like Radio/On-Air Rule #1: NO EATING ON AIR. God she is a dim bulb. Or she does know this and is just being her usual rude self?

    And I’ve never noticed the giant nostrils before. Wow. They look deformed and one is definitely bigger than the other. I guess that happens when you’ve had multiple nose jobs?

    • I’ve never noticed the giant nostrils before. Wow. […]
      I guess that happens when you’ve had multiple nose jobs?

      C’mon. I think we all know how it happened …

  19. Sorry to the supporters, but Emily reminds me of what I imagine Julia was like in her college days.

  20. OMFG she can’t stay still. And can’t stand the attention focussed away from her.

    Also, they hate her. Look at the still they picked for the video. They didn’t have to use this shot.


Comments are closed.