Apologies, Type-A Haters

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I am trapped in a remote location with no Internet access. I know there has been a goldmine of Donkey goodness in the past day or so and I have seen none of it. I ask you to talk among yourselves, consider this an open thread and accept my most sincere apologies for this terrible abdication of Donkey duties. Will be back at it as soon as I can find wireless!

P.S. Can someone please give me a blow-by-blow of the birthday video? A general rundown of the insanity of the past 24 hours, too, would be appreciated. Pretty please? Love you bunnies! Hahah! xoxox

129 COMMENTS

  1. From her comment feed, “Heidi” was referring to a celebratory glitter picture JA posted.

    by Heidi Sometag
    I don’t know if this is related to your new contract signing or not.. is it? What is this new contract for? Did you get a new gig on TV? How exciting!!

    by juliaallison
    Nope, not related 😉 can’t say what the new gig is yet, but it’s something I’ve been working on for a long, long time, and I’m really excited and nervous about it!

    Sooo.. nothing. I wouldn’t mind hearing your wild speculation though! Most people seem divided between “Eh, it’s nothing and you’ll hear nothing about it again” and believing she might have something coming up. Her keeping quiet about things is always rather unnecessary. I seem to remember her pretending she couldn’t talk about the TMS column, when really, why not? It’s not like it would spoil anything. Is a STFU-clause standard practice in media ventures?

    • um, the TMS column was also “something I’ve been working on for a long, long time, and I’m really excited and nervous about it”, and look how well that turned out! literally tens of readers in calcutta! don’t hold your breath, heidi!
      then again, i’m sure we’ll see a ‘jump the gun’, non-employer sanctioned fauxtoshoot to advertise her new project any day now!

      • Good catch! I forgot she said the same thing about the TMS gig. Ha!

    • Part of me believes it’s nothing, just like the TMS gig. I think her saying, “I can’t talk about it” is her trying to up her profile with OMG!!!!! CONTRACT!!!!! hoping she can parlay it into something else.

      As far as it being something legit, hey, maybe she sees how far she’s fallen and is finally willing to be on a reality show. It’s in none of the trades in Hollywood and also, when my friends get big contracts, their are dozens of congrats on their FB wall… hard to believe none of her “friends” have anything to say unless, it’s just a big nothing.

  2. There’s also this, which made me spit and choke like a $3 rentboy.

    I am very curious as to what kind of fillers, injectables, etc you have had done to your face. You look like a completely different person than you did in 2007 – not like a 30-year-old at all.

    Also, what prompted you to have this work done? How do your family and friends feel about what has happened to your face?

    by juliaallison
    Hahah okay … I’ve had Botox twice, and restalyne once. That doesn’t change your face, though.

    Not sure what to tell you! I think I look pretty much the same, give or take a few pounds.

    • having pig botulism injected into your face doesn’t change it? then what’s the point in doing it? was it just for shits and giggles? fucking retard.

    • Can somebody post a side by side picture of her in the same pose/angle from 2007 and now?

    • Pshhhhhhh I already posted that on the previous thread.

      But YES, bish is crazy. Does she not see that her face is Fing melting?!?!

      Probably one of her worst lies, to date. People’s faces don’t just “get” like that…she must think we are complete and total idiots to believe this crap.

      • Exactly the kind of lie Michael Jackson used to tell about his plastic surgeries.

    • This is hysterical. I understand us saying “hahahaha” but her, she should be crying inside. No way at all she looks the same whether 138 lbs or 120.

      We need a side by side of her from the Redacted days to today. If you guys saw the original Forbes Ronald McDonald photo to the current one from years back, that’s almost good enough to prove that her face has totally changed.

      Botox & restalyne at 30…. do people really do this?? I saw some wrinkles recently but still can’t imagine going for a filler.

      • I have some Manhattan friends who, as soon as they turned 30, got their first botox treatment. It was the thing to do for their little circle. I had since left the city for klassy long island and found it to be ridiculous.

        • I’m in another borough – but only one of my friends has done botox that I know of.. Guess it’s not too crazy at 30 then, huh.

  3. Here’s the blow-by-blow of the Birth-cray video:

    -Donkey bugging Taryn or whateverthefuck her name is repeatedly by shouting out her name/annoying the ever-loving shit outta everyone around her by asking about the cake, pointing out the lack of a name, etc.
    -Equally annoying but tiny and cute LA girls posing with duckfaces everytime Donkster points the phone at them, because they think she’s taking a pic, not an actual vid like a complete tard.
    -One tiny and cute girl poses, another says she thinks she’s met the Donkster before(sorta bitchilly) before being cut off by some hipster dude. Also, they look kindo drunko.
    -Some tiny cute girl points the camera at Donk to dance while she embarrassingly spazzes out whitegirl style, gangsigns in full effect. She looks like someone’s mom and can’t even lip-synch the words correctly. Quite fucking embarrassing to see, really.
    -They start singing the barfday song, Donkster SCREAMING it out. SHUTUP!!!
    -Some dumbass drops one of the two cakes, which causes Donkster to screech louder and then sit there going “Ohhhh nooooo!” repeatedly just to rub salt into the wound of being the dumbass who dropped a cake. Don’t drink and douche.
    -Camera off.

    Holy fuck she’s annoying. Quite possibly more embarrassing video proof of her idiocy than the video of her screeching down at people skiing while on a ski lift.

    • The birthday video has to be seen (and heard) to be believed, but here are the high points that I took away:

      – Donks busting a move with white-girl gang signs (I think … was that what she was going for?)

      – The loudest (and longest sustained) Donks braying ever

      – A birthday cake dashed to the floor and subsequently trod upon (with Donks gleefully videotaping and cackling throughout)

      – Stupid strapless white dress and OMG Freshwater Pearls and(!) matching(!) bracelet(!) and those unbelievably dated and grubby “espadrilles” [actually wedge sandals] that have to be from about 1996

      – Everyone else there also looked kind of douchy, but they all looked about 15 years younger that Donkey (though I ended up sort of liking Taryn for pointedly and repeatedly ignoring Donkey’s squawking at her to pose for the videocam.)

    • Also:

      – When the drunk girl pans the camera around the room, before you see foolia you can see the horrified faces of those watching her gansta dance/face lip dub. You might have to watch it twice to notice but it is worth it.

      – The part where everyone starts singing happy birthday and she tries to get them to stop because Taryn (what the hell kind of name is that?) Isn’t in the room and you can hear her mumbling something like “we gotta do it again” over and over again.

      – The part where the guy with the surviving cake gives her shade at the very end of the video and you can practically see the thought bubble over his said that says “THIS BITCH. And why is she braying so fucking loudly?”

      • “The Guy With The Surviving Cake” – I’m not sure what this needs to be used as a title for, but it needs to be used for something.

      • Taryn does say ‘you guys have to shut this off,’ right? its right after she turns around.

        • I think she was talking about the song (which was subsequently cut off so people could sing happy birthday.) She did, however, very emphatically say ‘No,’ without even looking up, when Julia was hassling her “Say hi, Taryn!”

          Also, I am pretty sure the exchange with drunkie-facemaker went kind of like this:
          1. First blond girl introduces the girl (to the camera.)
          2. drunkie-facemaker makes kissy face.
          3. First blond explains that it is a video.
          4. drunkie-facemaker says, “Ohh, I was like, “I met you before, bitch!”” As in, expressing that she was wondering why she was being introduced.

          I have no explanation for the mean-mug she gives later though, other than Julia is a donkey.

          • Uh! I wondered what she’d done. WTF couldn’t she just leave it behind her bottom teeth?

          • Unfortunately I kind of know drunkiefacemaker. She is about the same age as JA. She is a wannabe actress. Has been in LA for several years (5 or 6, can’t recall when she moved) trying to make it big and went to Indiana University but dropped out after 2 years to move to LA and try to be an actress, etc. She and Taryn have been friends for years and she always makes those faces over and over and over again. It’s kind of annoying, actually. (That’s why they’re all “do your face!” in the video.)

          • @crayingmantis
            Ha, maybe drunkiefacemaker and Julia met at Indiana University before the two flaked out….

      • Teddy, the surviving cake carrier, is smokin’ hot in a bootleg James Franco kinda way.

        • I think the cake dropper is kinda sweet. She has a cute haircut and handled the situation with a mixture of cool and dismay. julia was certainly making the situation worse. I have a thing for gamine, colty girls. I’m also totally procrastinating as my MFA thesis proposal is due tomorrow.

          • Ay, really? It’s a mouthful…
            The working title is:
            how Much is Now? Manifestations of Maximalism in Postmodern Global Popular Culture.
            I’m a MFA Design student, so in addition to the dissertation stuff I will be mounting an exhibition and website and stuff. I’m focusing mostly on 21st century artifacts, including some of the social media hoo haw Julia claims to be an expert at. Was actually considering using Julia/Nonsociety as of one of my ten artifacts but I don’t think my thesis committee would be able to comprehend and distill that whack. Plus, she is taint, and this project is my baby.

          • Totes Smiths reference. I’m working with musician/dj friends to do a version of How Soon is Now to soundtrack my motion graphics film component. Oddly, I’m not a huge Smiths fanatic but the title is catchy and then history of that song fits into my thesis. the hard sell will begetting my proposal by my antiquated, out of touch committee.

    • Also, don’t think anyone else pointed this out but I am betting Julia was probably a good 3-4 years older than anyone else at that party.

      • I think Julia just looks older from the injection induced facial palsy and the caked on make up and matronly pearls.

    • Holy effing eff, I didn’t believe the braying on the “Happy Birthday” could be THAT. BAD. It’s what I imagine Kanye’s tweets sound like in real life. CHRIST WOMAN, SHUT YOUR GIANT TRAP.

    • Anyone else think this whole video-taking is her own defense mechanism because she has no one to talk to at the party?

      • lol I don’t know why I phrased this as a question. Might as well have asked, “Anyone else totally like to breathe oxygen to keep living????”

        • i find it has too many calories. please see my female-friendly guilt-free chicken recipe on my blog!
          -your turly,
          Mare Mare

  4. Old news—but did Yack maybe have Grindr on his phone? thought of that while looking at….uh….my phone.

    • Hahaha. I get so embarrassed in public when the Grindr sound goes off and I didn’t know I had it on.

      Anyway, would we have any proof of his having it? Where is this question coming from?

  5. shouldn’t she be heading to her Montana wedding today? definitely takes precedence over a family funeral.

    also, I don’t know much about this stuff at all, but how effed up would it be if her “signing” in LA had anything to with her grandfather’s death?

    • she just posted a picture of packed luggage (with a pink cowboy hat), so it would appear that she’s off to the wedding.

      • Well, let’s not rule out that Donkey is enough of an asshole she’d wear a dragstume to Gramp$ funeral, were it not so inconvenient to put in an appearance during her peripathetic 3-state world tour …

        #Shoulda sent out a Save-The-Date video!

      • That suitcase looks like someone threw up their strawberry shake from the Mad Greek.

        Also, OMG! KATE! INSPIRATION! (just substitute pink for white!)

        Yes, that’s really the only difference. I fully expect OMG! KATE! would have opted for the Woo Girl pink straw cowboy hat instead of that stuffy old Smithbilt.

        Jesus, Julia.

    • The funeral doesn’t necessarily have to be right away if he is cremated. My family waited a fairly long time to have a service for my grandparents as family members were in other countries/states. I feed badly for momser and the other family members, especially after a long illness. Julia announcing that she learned of her grandfather’s passing on FB is beyond tacky and not cute.

      • It doesn’t have to be right away even if he is not cremated — someone in my family died suddenly while traveling — the State Dep’t red tape involved in getting a body home after an internat’l death builds in quite a lot of time.

        • Sad thing is that we still have the ashes of two deeply loved dogs, one from ten years ago, in the closet at our beach house. I keep on meaning to dig a hole under the live oak and have a ceremony, but when they first died it was too painful, and now it’s hard to find the time or mood to make it meaningful.

      • also, she has 800 friends on facebook, and only three have expressed their condolences. what, you mean her 800 friends aren’t ACTUALLY her friends? no way!

  6. I missed all the video stuff. Can someone fill me in? What is this video? Where is it? What’s the backstory? Please fill in.

    • Donk went to a joint birthday party whose honorees included her frenemy/mooch target Taryn Southern, and made a ginormous ass of herself as usual.

  7. Funny, I can’t find a single photo of ZOMG Kate Middleton wearing pearls (freshwater or otherwise).

    • the only time shes been photographed in pearls was while wearing camo on some sort of shooting range. when you’re royal & have diamonds, i guess pearls:royals::gold studs:the pedantic commonwealth.

  8. Can someone link the video… I swore I would never watch her on Vimeo but now… I must.

      • Wow. Just… wow. Taryn is NOT amused. And Taryn is someone who is not shy in front of a camera so that is saying a lot.

        PS, the poor girl who dropped the cake looks like she wants to cry but there’s donkey, training the camera right on her.

  9. At the end when she’s screaming a tone-deaf “YAYYYY” (twice) she really sounds just like the developmentally-disabled crank yankers puppet. Someone with Magical Internet Skills TM should do a mash-up.

  10. Hm. JA hater here for sure, but her grandfather passed away late last night. My black heart is breaking a little.

  11. who is this angry therapist fool that she keeps quoting? now she has some cheesy pic of 2 people kissing and advice from angry therapist on what kisses should be like, including this nugget:

    “…Kissing is not a means to an end. It is not a transition. It is an experience. Each one stands alone….”

    um, okay. but how about those ok-honey-see-ya-later-don’t-forget-to-pick-up-milk-and-did-you-mail-the-rent-check-gotta-run-i’m-late-in-droppng-off-the-kitten-enjoy-running-errands-at-your-desk-love-you-bye kisses?

    she truly lives in this delusional teen la-la land that i’m sure we all subscribed to when we were SIXTEEN and everything seemed dramatic and we believed the fairy tale movie endings, etc.

    she is so completely cut off from reality. it’s so sad! why do i let this bother me!

    • I’m surprised she even posts that video on her blog. It’s dreadful. You know no one talked to her at the party and she just runs around with a video camera. I can’t imagine hearing that voice in person when it’s so bad on video.

  12. Ahhgg my Internet is down and something tells me that Taryn will request this video to be taken down….can someone please make a link of it or download- I don’t want to miss seeing this, looks too good to be true bahah

  13. Her tone in saying Taryn’s name over and over at the beginning reminds me of the birthdays I attended when I was a child. Nagging, motherly tone demanding you look and smile at the camera. Ugh.

  14. Her tone in saying Taryn’s name over and over at the beginning reminds me of the birthdays I attended when I was a child. Nagging, motherly tone demanding you look and smile at the camera. Ugh.

  15. Are any of my Phoenix catladies out there? If so, have you driven past the Shamrock Dairy building off the I-17 and seen the electronic sign that says “Hooves Up!” It gives me a nice chuckle every day on my way to/from work.

      • I moved to EV so all I can suggest is the groovy wastewater treatment plant or Toby Keith’s ‘I Love This Bar And Grill.’

        • Funny, I live on the far, far Northwest side. But, I work in South Phx basically. The commute is a real drag. But, there are lots of great places in between.

  16. Social Media “Expert” Demonstrates Complete Lack of Understanding Social Media, Business Communication via Email, And How Not to Spam And Piss Off All Your Followers In Ten Minutes

    This following was all tweeted within 10 minutes. JULIA, ITS CALLED EMAIL YOU TWAT. WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS JUST SHOUTING ON THE INTERNET LIKE A RETARD. KIND OF LIKE ALL CAPS BUT INFINITELY MORE ANNOYING!

    Hi @United! I am sitting on one of your planes, writing my @SocialStudies column on how travel is being affected by social media. Very meta.

    @United – would love to speak to your social media guru ab how your company has integrated SM into its customer service strategy. DM me!

    Which airline has the best social media customer service? @United @Jetblue @AmericanAir @VirginAmerica (other?) Have you tweeted an airline?

    @bethggwaz – Hi Beth! I write a syndicated social media advice column (@SocialStudies) for the Tribune Media Services out of Chicago!

    @AmericanAir – would love to speak to your social media guru ab how your company has integrated SM into customer service strategy. DM me!

    @VirginAmerica – would love to speak to your social media guru ab how your company has integrated SM into customer service strategy. DM me!

    @Jetblue – would love to speak to your social media guru ab how your company has integrated SM into your customer service strategy. DM me!

    Twitter followers by airline: @Jetblue – 1,636,356 @VirginAmerica – 228,597 @American – 234,379 & @United – 21,916 (what up with that, UA!?)

    @jlgolson @SouthwestAir – eek! My apologies! Don’t forget @SouthwestAir! 1,145,782 followers. Their social media customer service is great!

    @SouthwestAir – would love to speak to your social media guru ab how your company has integrated SM into customer service strategy. DM me!

    • Her followers are mostly spambots anyway, probably boughten ones from SocialKik or BuyTwitterFollowers or whatevs.

    • Reading her tweets, she seems like she is in some kind of mania meltdown. And why wouldn’t that article be written by now?

    • This kind of shit drives me fucking crazy. I have married and bestie Facebook friends who insist of communicating to each other publicly that way for all the feed to see. Like when/where to meet for dinner and I’ll pick you up and such and such. Seriously, telephones and private emails are still commonly used forms of communication. Julia comes off as insane and unprofessional.

      • I think it’s also b/c she is about to go to a wedding where a lot of people have a lot of important jobs in tech and this is her way of showing she’s so OMG!!! BUSY!!! SOCIAL MEDIA LADY!!!! CALCUTTA!!!!!

  17. RE: Taryn, I doubt she cares about the video. Remember she gives Julia a couch to crash on all the time, so she must be cool with her (can’t imagine Julia hasn’t been like this before).

    To be fair her two friends talking w/ Julia in the video seem like tools too. All three of them crowding around the cake, filming, and being annoying must have contributed to the cake getting dropped (the other one was the one filming at the time? Christ, I don’t want to watch again to check).

  18. Apparently the Internet Cowboys Unconference is going on in Jackson Hole this weekend. Both Donks and Aubs have tweeted stupid comments about it, Aubs said there were “10 douches” on her plan who are going there. They apparently have no idea.

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA

    • Aubs is tweeting that wedding guests on the plane w/ her are douches?
      Whoa, What. A. Cunt. & what an insult to the couple getting married…

      • No no, not the wedding, the Unconference. It’s kind of a tech think tank. Used to be by invitation only and prob there are more brains and FU money there than the two of them will ever see.

  19. When she starts dancing, I hold my breath and close my eyes. My palms are sweaty now. So painful!

    • I can not. Just when I thought I could exhale, she grooved even harder. I felt as if she was hoof stomping my eyeballs.

      One time, in college, I saw myself captured in the background of one of my friends photos (kodak prints, this was 8 years ago) and I was mid-dance doing the… the… oh god… the white-girl-lower-lip-bite. The thought of that moment and picture still make me want to eat a grenade. But, THIS! JULIE HOW WHY.

  20. i just had donkey show up on my FB wall because she tagged a friend of mine who was at the wedding. that startled me – i think i need a hug.

  21. the injectables must STOP! I will never the donkey! she is so fucking embarrassing.

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