Two Tools Stage Photos


From the comments on her lifecast:

LexiBee2011: Shouldn’t you have been practicing being in the moment rather than posing for pictures?

juliallison: We did these after!

LexiBee2011: I can’t think of any response but WHY?  Why would you go back after your session is over and pose again so you could take pictures?

juliaallison: Because it was so cool looking and I wanted to share!

Dear God. There are two of them. One with a romper wiener, and one with an actual wiener and two very small balls. Even if she’s lying here, either way, it’s fucked up. They either took photos of themselves mid-yoga session because they are a pair of narcissistic toolbags, or they took photos of themselves after the yoga session pretending to be doing yoga because they are a pair of narcissistic toolbags.

They are perfect for each other. Why can’t Donkey drop this need for 24/7 adoration from Greasy? She will never, ever, find a dude more perfect for her than this one. And the wedding would be EPIC.

Julia Baugher Greason. It has such a lovely ring.


  1. ** They either took photos of themselves mid-yoga session because they are a pair of narcissistic toolbags, or they took photos of themselves after the yoga session pretending to be doing yoga because they are a pair of narcissistic toolbags.

    Worse! They asked someone else to take the photo.

    • I mean, listen, I think it’s lame as shit, but anytime you’re doing a yoga pose, aren’t you technically “doing yoga”? I’m definitely writing this as The Girl Who Cannot Meditate, though, so it’s all just exercise to me.

  2. All of her replies sound like they were written by a tween, and an extremely dim one at that.
    “Omg it just, like, looked so cool I wanted to shaaaare!”
    Bitch, we know what yoga looks like. And those are poses a paraplegic infant could manage; no need to “share.”

    • Her whole “I LOVE TO SHARE!” default argument is always hilarious to me given she freaks out if anyone responds negatively to her “sharing.” She puts it out there because she wants to lord it over people, and she wants either envious or positive comments. Negative reaction, on the other hand, results in cease-and-desist letters.


      • Her response to a comment asking whether or not she had to take a finger-smoothie picture every time in LA was even more idiotic:
        “Every time! 🙂 they are different kinds of smoothies!”


        • I love the pointing because it reveals the fact that the pics are never about her boring food items; they’re all about her. I know plenty of people who take pictures of their food. Guess what they never do? Include any part of themselves in the frame. *I was inside.*

    • You’d think if you were going to ask for the photos to be taken, you’d at least TRY to get down for the warrior 2.

  3. There are an awful lot of staged after the yoga session has ended “I Just Wanted to Share” photos up on her blergh. Only our Julie can accomplish these personal lows on the regular. So lame, so tragic.

    • Nah, I do it after every workout of mine. Except I put away the actual weights and make it look like I’m curling large 16-ton pyramid-shaped weights. What, you don’t do that? How do you remember??

  4. Yeah, yeah, she does this all the time. Remember the podium photos she took after her MIT “talk”?

  5. [img][/img]

    • The one lying on the ground, the one w/ the mullet down its back, that is donkey, right?

      • Uhhh!! This is in response to your upper-most pic – unsure why it didn’t thread from there, ‘cuz I know what I clicked. Oh well.

  6. I just don’t understand. How did she know it was cool looking? Who saw it and incorporated her into the gaze? She can’t see herself; she can only see her partner, so how does she know what she looks like? What the fuck is happening here??

    • She got there early & saw other people doing yoga? But alas, they were *not* Cute & Tiny™ people, nor did their name start w/ a J & end w/ a ULIA ALLISON, so no way! was she going to take a picture of it looking coo, as seen through her sometimes-they-are-green! own eyes.

  7. Julia Allison Baugher, blogger, does not disclose shills.
    #Fuck campingFTC guidelines!

    @JuliaAllison when you come to LA, let me know if you’d like a free private yoga class! huge fan of yours. xoxoxo

      • I keep remembering this stupid guy I met at a dinner over the weekend who kept telling me to try yoga with my husband. Apparently, he got boners during yoga all the time “because of the sexy postures” and said he would jump his wife the minute they were done. He just left his wife a month ago for some woman he met at the yoga studio. Go figure, I guess.

        Wonder if Greasy kept it in his pants afterwards or had a roll in the hay with his prized donkey?

          • This is probably an old saying that only I have never heard of, but I just read it on my FB feed:

            “Kool-aid is Jello with a hard on”

            Greasy & FB have forever ruined jello for me!

      • He’s either packing wood or he’s got an extremely large package, even in repose, just as her someecard indicated. Poor wee Pancakes.

        • Yeah, I kind of thought that. Then the rational part of my brain took over and looked at the package attached to said package. Not hot. He strikes me as the well-hung, yet lazy in bed type guy. I’ve dated a few. Hey guy, your giant penis is cool but you can’t land the plane. Boring.

          • Beautiful!

            I personally am not a fan of the gigantic dong. It’s severely limiting in terms of what positions you can get into, for one, unless you like extreme pain. Blowing is not as much fun because you can’t get much of it in your mouth.

            I much prefer a mid-size.

          • Oh, the very well-hung man is not practical to deal with at all, it’s just viscerally visually appealing. Sort of like five o’clock shadow, although alluring in its quintessential maleness, will actually sand the skin off your body wherever it touches.

          • I went home with that guy one time from the record store. His penis reached from one end of the living room to the other. I was very very very afraid. He was sad, more than anything.

      • A boner photo? On the internet? Isn’t that like sexual assault of anyone who sees it? That’s what people said about the congressman?

  8. Maybe she promised the yoga instructor some free “publicity” in exchange for the lesson…which you know she didn’t pay for.

    On a slightly different note, I don’t buy that this Greasy thing is Platonic. No way does any man fly down for a weekend filled with this nonsense unless at least a blow job is thrown into the mix, no?

    • Exactly. Unless he is just that dumb which I am starting to think he is!

      • Maybe it’s an ego thing, like after being OBO’d by Jack McCain, he needs to woo back a donkey to feel like a man?

        • Maybe it’s a performance thing,as in being impotent & needing people to think he’s fucking the donkey rather than wonder why he can’t keep a regular GF.

          I speculated before that FlapJack possibly went into donkey fucking personage to divert attn from an orientation that would make ol’ frogman flip his lilypad,

          At this point, any dude acting the BF w/ the donkey is in it to show the world ‘something’ they desperately want believed, IMHO.

  9. No real man would do this EVER!!!! And I liked Greasy, always did but that was before this. He is a lady to me now. And he deserves to be OBO’d til the end of time.

    Not sure what he sees in her but just the fact of what his association with her could do to his career, (If I were a future employer and saw him running around with a donkey, it would give me pause. And he is linked to her all over the interwebs.)

  10. Ruh Roh! Fecebook is in the local news just now, & it ain’t pretty. Someone had to make numerous complaints that went unheeded re: a registered sex offender on there, & then, when a news station was contacted, the perv was finally removed.


  11. People want Julia Allison to share pictures of her trying to suck her own wiener as much as they want herpes from a sore-crusted prostitute.

  12. “It was so cool looking and I wanted to share!”

    Allow me to translate the brays.

    While you poor bastards were “running errands” at your desks, working to buy food and shelter, I was doing yoga with an expensive personal trainer, in California, on a grassy outcropping overlooking the ocean. And I even convinced this not-entirely-unfortunate-looking guy to do it with me (Well, not “it,” we all know I am a delicate flower who doesn’t do “it” until the price of admission has been paid.)

    I even did a headstand (not pictured) because ever since I spent more than you make in a month visiting the Ashram last year, so that I could live my Eat, Pray, Love fantasy sans brown people and carbohydrates, I am a yoga expert.

    I’m so sorry you are sitting in a cubicle farm right now returning e-mails from your Boss who is currently locked in an never ending debt ceiling negotiation so we can keep this government running and so the old people can continue to get their Social Security checks. If I had stayed in D.C., I’d be Obama’s speechwriter, so I totally understand what you’re going through. Yay, bipartisanship!

    Wait, should I have Photoshopped my wilted, flabby looking triceps out of this photo? No, no one will ever notice them. They’ll be too busy wishing that they too were a seriously underachieving, over-indulged, mediocre in every way, trust-fund baby/expert-on-every-topic-until-I-decide-otherwise-usually-after-being-bitch-slapped-by-a-real-expert/writer who can do yoga on the beach and cross country couch hop and call it a valid life choice to which others should aspire


    • Blah. Don’t you dare blame Johnny for my fuckup. This was a failed reply to Brayella’s Fecebook comment.

  13. This guy absolutely SKEEVES ME OUT.

    Seriously, just like with Julia, something is just so OFF about him.

    • As I keep pointing out, any sentient adult who willingly spends more than 15 minutes with the Donkey is automatically assumed to be seriously warped, at best.

    • I thought it was just me. He reminds me of the kind of guy that has the disgusting white, crusted spittle at the corners of his mouth that you can’t not look at while he’s speaking.

  14. OT but every time I think I’m done wondering “What??” with her, there’s something new. Like…how does she has the chutzpah to call herself a “social media expert” and then doesn’t even mention Google+? Seriously, has she even written the word “Google+” anywhere? Sideways blog? Twatter? Forget writing a column about its impact on and implications for the social media world (which plenty of other non-EXPERTS have beaten her to already), has she even acknowledged its *existence*? I don’t even think she managed to score herself an invite…

    Expert: Fail.

    • Boner shot, sending out to the internet, that’s, uh, something someone recently got into a lot of trouble for?

  15. Bunnies, can we talk about this steaming pile of donkey dung?

    “It’s unrealistic to think she should know how to behave in this social media-driven world. Nobody does — social media is so new that there really aren’t widely accepted standards yet. As such, it’s unreasonable (even for people in their second, third or 13th jobs!) to expect that we would all agree on what constitutes “reasonable” social media behavior.”

    I really do think she’s just fucking with us now. Also, I need like eleventeen more drinks because HOW FUCK and IS SHE HIGH and I KANT.

    (Also, cause I am teh lazy, can I just point out that in mah fauxtoshoppe Sir Greasy is wearing a tiki just like Greg Brady?)

    /strolls out, humming Hawaii five 0 theme

    • She is the worst “expert” ever. On anything. Julia, just shack up with Greasy already and call it a day; the world would be a far less retarded place without your half-assed, bullshit, rinky dink “advice column” that you call a job.

    • ‘Sir Greasy is wearing a tiki just like Greg Brady’



    • What a rebel! Refusing to define or accept boundaries!

      Jesus fucking christ, boundaries in social media have been defined and understood for years.

      • The thing is that it doesn’t even matter about the social media stuff with the particular shit the fake letter is talking about. Just as you wouldn’t announce that you were “managing” people whose mail you forward or whatevs at a cocktail party, so you shouldn’t announce it on Facebook or Twitter. And just as you wouldn’t put up a photo of you dancing on a table in your cube at work, so you shouldn’t put it up on the internets where your colleagues can easily find it.

        The particular issues that fake questioner asks aren’t actually related that directly to social media. More interesting are the things like the schoolteacher getting fired for being an erotica writer (under another name entirely), which was Sherlocked out by parents via social media. But “interesting” and “Our Donkey” are not that familiar with each other.

        • yes; agreed — employees doing things not related to work and being punished for it at work raises all sorts of questions, not fake

    • I’m high as a fucking kite right now and I know that social media is like 10 years old? There’s pretty much an unspoken standard regarding what’s acceptable in social networking these days, otherwise sites like failbook and lamebook wouldn’t exist.
      Also, what the fuck. This column is her worst so far.

      • All her columns say much more about her than about her intended topics. Of COURSE the immature, constantly revisionist, uninformed asshole doesn’t think there are standards of decency in social media.

          • Dear Literature-Loving Donkey:

            A certain F. Dostoyevsky wrote a book addressing the very idea appropriately brought up by Post Modern here. I suggest you use your pink underlining pen a lot once you get to the And Punishment part. Trust me, understanding how it applies to your life will help you self-improve much more than Eat Bray Love.


      • See, Julia has attempted to wear some unbelievable expert hats in her day, but there’s basically no one on the planet less qualified to pontificate on Internet politeness and ethics than she is. Need proof? This website exists.

        • I can say whatever I want to say, and I can stop you from saying whatever you want to say, because I can say whatever I want to say, and I can stop you from saying whatever you want to say, tra la la la la tee hee

  16. Half of her photos are the EXACT same pose: warrior two. And not even a very impressive version. Wow so glad you shared!

    • No one with a strong personal brand gets there by just seeing what happens naturally – Kate Middleton comes to mind. A strong personal brand takes discipline, confidence, consistency and a clear sense of what you’d like to achieve.

      I guess that is what you’d say if naturally you were just a big ol’ thundercunt.

    • I feel like we’re going to get a bunch of new visitors. Maybe a post with a response to the article? Or – my personal favorite- a compendium of links of JP’s epic year-end reviews.

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