Move Over Sugar, Online ‘Bullying,’ Girls Who Eat Swiss Chard But Pretend They Eat Popeye’s Fried Chicken 24/7, And Men Who Cheat With Women Who Sleep With Married Men — Porn Is Now To Blame For Why No Man Will Stay With a Donkey

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Oh for fuck’s sake. I am honestly surprised it took a donkey who once posed for porny photos on Gawker so long to start blaming pornography for the fact that ALL THE MEN cheat on ALL THE GIRLS. Maybe Greasy liked porn, and they had a fight about it, and it’s all connected.

JuliaAllison: Why no one (who actually wants to enjoy sex with their real life partner!) should consume porn: bit.ly/n4OJyT

Oh come on. Hey, Donk, guess what? Some people have healthy sexual appetites. They can have satisfying sex lives with their partners AND watch porn! Sometimes they can actually incorporate pornography INTO their sex lives for some hot sexy dirty times as they watch porn TOGETHER!

Wow!

Imagine!

However, women who can’t look at other women naked without comparing themselves to them physically — “Do you think she’s prettier than me??!? Do you think she has nicer tits??!??! Oh my God!! Are you getting turned on looking at her blowing him??”  — generally don’t do so well in that regard. I wonder what kind of woman you are?

Hey, Donk, here’s another shattered stereotype. I’m a chick! And I watch porn a couple of times a week! I am hornier than my man! He doesn’t mind, he thinks it’s cute! And my watching pornography doesn’t make sex any less exciting for me when we do it. I think I might watch some tonight, since my man is out of town!

Sheesh, old lady, don’t start braying about outlawing Tube8!

244 COMMENTS

  1. C’mon, Ashton, save ALL THE GIRLS.

    She is pathetic. What kind of porn stash did Pancakes have, I wonder?

    • Without porn, how will Donkey know what costumes to wear to attract the boyz? Or keep up on the latest fetishes? And learn how to make the best fake orgasm noises?
      Porn’s almost like Donkey’s Snag a Man Learning Annex!

      • The thing that is under-reported are the benefits of pornography. Let’s say some married couple are completely sexually incompatible. Wouldn’t you rather your spouse have some alone time with a laptop and remain in the marriage, which may otherwise be a great relationship, then go out and start fucking around, and end up leaving the marriage in the first blush of lust?

        She’s always braying about cheaters so what does she want? An entirely chaste man who is not allowed to watch porn or have his sexual needs met elsewhere when and if she no longer wants to have sex with him? She is such an uptight donkey. Let him watch porn, dumbass. Blow him some time while he’s watching it. Make him do the same. Fun times for all!

        • Nail meet head. Educated people know that genetically, we are not programmed for lifelong monogamous relationships. If porn can be the surrogate for this desire to have sex with other people, it’s a much cleaner solution than the destructive emotional pain endured by both parties when someone has sex with another person.

          The way she continues to epically fail on the “attract a mate” front is her best material these days. Donkey, I’m wagging my finger at you. You will never, ever, never meet an attractive man on the internet who doesn’t have porn tucked away somewhere. Your weirdo-icky-wtf Victorian-era attitude towards sex GUARANTEES you will get cheated on! Repeatedly! Sexual desire is not a choice!

          An entirely chaste man who is not allowed to watch porn or have his sexual needs met elsewhere

          Hmm where have I heard of someone like that.. Oh right. Catholic Priests. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

        • I love my catlady and the sex is muy bueno, but porn lets you “experience” things that just are not going to happen in real life… unless, of course, you cheat. I don’t know if porn has helped me stay faithful, but it really hasn’t hurt our real love life. I do agree that consuming too much porn could be a sign of bigger problems, though.

          • Exactly. I don’t necessarily want to go out and have a gang bang with Andy Roddick, that hot French tennis player Jeremy Whateverhisnameis and Marat Safin. But I don’t mind pretending I am while watching some chick get drilled by three hot guys in a porn movie.

          • I think you mean Jeremy Chardy?

            BTW, you’d probably also like Feliciano Lopez if you like those guys.

            /tennisfan

  2. Ashton, how can we actually do a little more research before making uninformed claims with pseudoscience?

    http://mindhacks.com/2011/07/04/naomi-wolf-porn-and-the-misuse-of-dopamine/

    And from Twitter (names of innocent Tweeters edited out, but you get the idea):

    c*********: Note to @naomirwolf : you don’t get neuroscience. Please refrain from holding forth http://t.co/LVb2jK4 Fact-check here http://t.co/EvynZqo

    science****: Does Porn Make Men Crazy? @********* reveals “sunny side of smut” http://bit.ly/m0NBYP ; CNN gets science wrong http://bit.ly/jef320

    b************: Really excellent break-down of garbage neuro reporting in CNN http://t.co/qzZFmIX

    etc.

    *sigh*

    Speaking as a scientist, she enrages me every time she pretends she knows anything. ANYTHING.

  3. For all her braying and posturing in fetish costumes, Donkey doesn’t strike me as someone who enjoys sex very much or is very sex positive. Her “crying after sex” admission is only one red flag she’s displayed in this area.
    I think she views sex, and the appearance of being sexy, as chores she needs to do to snag a man. Distasteful chores with messy bodily fluids that will muss up her perfect hair and pristine makeup.
    Kind of OT: some of the best sex I’ve had has been when I’ve been able to laugh with my partner during or after the act. Because hey, sometimes funny things happen. You know Donkey would be too uptight to do this.

    • yes! I need the person I’m having sex with to have a sense of humour and be able to laugh about the situation, because let’s face it, there are so many awkward things when it comes to sex.

  4. Jacy, great post!

    I love how the donkey rationalizes this for ALL MEN. Who gives a flying fuck if men watch porn? I’m sure if it becomes addictive like that article mentioned then it would be a problem. (I assume, I only skimmed the article because I have no interest in that author’s opinion)

    And not for anything, I’d prefer my husband watch porn or go to youporn.com rather than seek the real thing from others which he wouldn’t because we’re in a real relationship not fairy-land donkeyville.
    I don’t watch porn but have in the past. It’s healthy for men and women – it’s not to be shunned, no less from someone who used to have a sex column. What a prude.

  5. We’ve discussed this tweet nearly into the ground already in chat (we have a neat donkey-bot that brays the instant she twats or tumbles) so all I’m left with now is pure amazement at the level of INSANE NO-SERIOUSLY-YOU-NEED-HELP NARCISSISM AND STUPIDITY that it takes to lob out a decree that everyone needs to just stop watching porn. Right now. Seriously you guys. Now. I read it in a magazine. Gather up your DVDs, hard drives, magazines, and oh yes, your poloroids and just shovel them into a landfill. C’mon, NOW! I didn’t say “Why you should reconsider porn” did I? No.

    I’ve never said this before but.. The stupidity, it DOES burn! Mine eyes! The goggles do nothing! I’ve felt sorry for her on various occasions but never because I was concerned she was so stupid she might do something like:
    * Tell someone mugging her she just doesn’t feel like giving him money
    * Jab a coaxial cable into her eyeball to watch TV
    * Attempt to pet a bear cub in the wild
    * Smack the needle/crackpipe out of a junkie’s hand saying “That’s bad for you”
    * Tell America to stop watching porn

    • God, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard anyone say ‘coaxial cable.’

    • God, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard anyone say ‘coaxial cable.’ Makes me nostalgic.

      • NERD! 😉

        [img]http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51JCWQK8E7L._SL500_AA300_.jpg[/img]

    • Well, it’s like the “outlaw sugar” thing—the degree of narcissism is so incredible. “I PERCEIVE THIS AS AN ISSUE FOR ME (after ten seconds of uninformed thought about it) AND THEREFORE I ISSUE A UKASE AGAINST IT! HER IMPERIAL DONKEYNESS HAS SPOKEN!”

      And the world goes on its merry route, eating sugar and watching porn and mocking A Donkey. But she did have that five-year-old-girl high of stomping her hoof and issuing an order.

  6. Let’s not forget this is the same woman who boasts that every hair on her body below her neckline has been lasered off.

    Which of course is totally natural and totally not something that would happen in porn.

    • sing it! my one issue with porn is how it’s made vag hair practically taboo these days. i’m not saying a girl shouldn’t trim, but this pressure to be bald down there like a prepubescent girl bothers me. no surprise that the donk is hairless.

      • OT but (TMI and uber personal but whatevs), I’ve found that having hair tends to dry me out, but I slick up like crazy when bald. My cat doesn’t care either way but I do for that reason.

    • Such a great point. Pornography is what started that whole stupid trend. And she boasts about having a totally bald beaver. So which is it, jackass??? Hair dryer or no hair dryer? Porn hatred or porn beaver?? WHICH IS IT?

      • As others have said, Julia hates porn because it’s not of her. Though my money is still on Julia to leak a sex tape of some semi-famous hookup she’ll have someday.

        While we’re on the topic, porn star is another job that Julia would suck at even if she was a decade younger and looked 2.5 decades younger*. She just doesn’t have the acuity.

        *Lilly ages seven dog years for every human year, but the ratio is a bit different for Julia. She’s 30 and looks at least 45, so I conclude that 1 human year = 1.5 Donkey years.

  7. She is in for a crazy world of hurt if she thinks she will ever date any guy who does not watch porn. Believe me Donk, I’ve been there and it sucks – meaning, I used to think there were guys who wouldn’t look – but there are only guys who are good at erasing their online histories.

    As soon as I embraced that looking at porn is as normal as well… my enjoyment reading here, it never bothered me that much.

    So let me break it down, porn is to a guy as braking up relationships, blue-print cleansing, shilling shit and doing nothing and expecting everything is to you.

    • dudebrah hates pr0n because he feels it is depressing/degrading. I tease him about how he coincidentally seems to watch the most obvious soft-core titty flicks on Netflix (Poison Ivy 2? Bitten?) after I’ve fallen asleep.

      Mans a man, man.

        • He usually acts so dumbfounded that I ever reach that conclusion that I *almost* have trouble believing he went for the t’n’a. He is like, “What? Bitten? I don’t know. The description sounded interesting!”

          Suuuuure it did.

          He is the best.

    • My huscat is totally not interested in porn, and this is not him shucking me. One of my gigs for a while was reviewing porn videos, back when that was a viable market, and the huscat would float through the living room and look for a second and then be all “Yeah, okay, whatever. This is like watching those shows about people eating in restaurants—I just don’t care about seeing strangers do stuff, even if it’s stuff I enjoy doing myself.”

      He cannot be the only man-person in the world who has that particular kink of lack of interest in porn (or erotica of any kind, visual or written). It’s not even a “I find it depressing or degrading” but more like “whatever”. And even though I am sure he cannot be the only one, I still would not believe it if I had not seen it for the last fourteen years.

      And honestly, it’s a minor bummer for me, but on the scale of things not a huge deal.

      • One of my ex’s wasn’t really into porn. I think it had to do with his upbringing and being from a very conservative/religious family.

      • I’m always afraid to say it, but my tomcat doesn’t, wouldn’t.

        • My cat-man isn’t into porn either but I love to watch amateur stuff (real couples are hot) now and again. I’ve learned a lot from porn, more than turning me on, that stuff is very educational. Cat-man says most of the girls in regular porn are too plastic-y to turn him but he sure loves the British lad mag ladies with naturally ample t&a.
          Donk wouldn’t understand any of this. She faps to pics of wedding dresses. Now that’s disturbing.

  8. I love porn and I think you’ll be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t enjoy porn (or at least did at some point in their life).
    If donk doesn’t enjoy it/watch it then I feel bad for her. Seriously.

    When do you think she’ll jump on the Showtime “Giggolos” train (which I think is 100% fake)?

  9. hangs head in shame when realizes what other browser tabs are open as i’m reading this nonsense….

  10. She’s just against a man lusting after anyone who isn’t HERSELF. She’s totally fine with condom fairy costumes and sucking on some old dudes cigar in her panties for jack off material, but GOD HELP YOU if other women arouse you through media outside the bounds of a relationship!

    What about couples who make their own porn for each other, Julia? Do they have to stop, too?

        • I agree. Julia is a huge prude and she’s extremely socially conservative in general, though I’m not sure she’s smart enough to realize it. Witness her desires to do away with free speech, free sugar, etc. Also, her tolerance for unconventional relationships and sex is almost nil though she pretends otherwise; she frequently derides any sex that’s not strictly mainstream, and she apparently finds homosexuality to be so bizarre that she seems unable to treat gays like human beings.

          • She supposedly hates divorce… yet she’s slept with married men on more than one ocassion in the past.

            She’s more of a hypocrite than a conservative.

          • In summary, xenophobia seems to be Donkey’s defining quality.

            Other than, you know, being a fameless gold-digger with self-inflicted meltyface/progeria whose ceaseless brayings’ incredible degree of fatuousness is rivaled only by their eardrum-rending volume. Also, I bet her poops have a viscosity somewhat lower than that of water.

          • Oh, I’m sure she’s prudish about many things, but public displays of sexiness has never been one of them.

            She’s shown time and again she has absolutely no problem showing off tits and ass, in public, on lions, draped across men, condom fairy outfits, ‘slutty’ whatever halloween outfits, draped across old men in her underwear…

            She may be a prude about the sex act itself, or relationships in general, but (and she might not realize this) she seems totally fine with her softcore porno antics and outfits in public and photographs, because she knows they make men look and she likes that.

            What’s funny, to me, is that she somehow can’t differentiate between ‘dressing/behaving sluttily in public for male attention and (hopefully!) arousal, and more traditional porn.

            She’s certainly not in relationships with all these men she’s side boobing, draping across and letting finger her under the table at restaurants. How is dry humping a sports celebrity in a club in front of a few hundred people different from ‘Naughty Voyers’?

        • Julie Albertson hates sex and doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing in bed. She’s like those tragic teens in My Big Fat Gypsy Weddings who run around in thong jeans and pasties and are virgins until they marry.

          For the record, I have never the Donk, so maybe I’m wrong, but she stinks of bad-in-bed.

    • What about couples who make their own porn for each other, Julia? Do they have to stop, too?

      Of course they do Brianna! Don’t you know – ALL WOMEN HATE DICK PICKS!

      Julia said so!

      • Donkey has never dated anyone for long enough for the sexual relationship to mature into something interesting like that, and her crippling imagination deficiency prevents her from comprehending the possibility.

        Shame on you for picking on Donkey for being crippled and alone, Shamoolia. I find it worrisome. Feel free to relax.

        • I know long term relationships/serious relationships aren’t the defining quality of adulthood… but it is verrrrry interesting that Donks hasn’t had a relationship longer than a handful of months in a long time… despite being obsessed with all the trappings of relationships/marriage/mommyblogging? I mean, we’re talking about a 30 yr old woman who hasn’t been with a guy for more than 5-6 months in nearly a decade.

          • And look at her friendships as well–how many long-term close friendships does she have? She seems to have trouble sustaining ANY kind of a relationship.

    • I don’t think any of us are making the argument that they all do. There are certainly exceptions. Most of my boyfriends (in the past, and now dudebrah) were not at all into it.

      I think it is just annoying that she is making another sweeping generalization about how ‘NO ONE’ should be able to do x-thing, and sugar should be OUTLAWED, and she is standing up for ALL THE GIRLS that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all, and on and on and on.

      She is just so terribly black-and-white with her platitudes; assertively speaking for everyone based on her position of the moment. It reminds me of my high school students — fleeting opinions with absolutely no depth of reasoning. This is part of why she gets caught in her own lies all the time, because she doesn’t leave any room for reason, or anything that doesn’t lie within her own comfortable bubble in that exact moment.

      She is in stasis at 14, but in the body of a 45 year old.

    • I think she’s also assuming ALL women hate porn, which is SO untrue. She paints it as a purely male “problem” … and let’s not even get into her leaving out gays and gay porn!

    • Dog-Yapping did, but it may well have been rhetorical exaggeration to make a point (that A Donkey is a ridiculous loon) with which we all agree.

  11. OT, but did anyone notice THIS gem?
    JuliaAllison Julia Allison
    Just booked a @United miles ticket to LA for the weekend to celebrate @TarynSouthern’s birthday!! Who’s in town??

    Hmm, could the timing have anything to do with the OMGKATEANDWILLSVISIT this weekend? So goddamned sad I could cry — but only before sex.

    • Didn’t she mention a few weeks ago that her agent also reps Cat Deeley? I was watching So You Think You Can Dance! and one of the judges mentioned that Cat Deeley was hosting Wills and Kate at some LA shindig. Absolute conjecture, but I couldn’t help connect the LA visit/Cat Deeley namedrop/Kate gushing with this. (Although I may have been drink at the time.)

      • she did say her manager is also (one of?) cat’s “rep(s)”.
        the plot thins!

  12. Does the SOCIAL MEDIA EXPERT’S pea brain even consider the ways that smart phones, video sharing sites, etc. have made porn more mainstream, accessible and even enjoyable for women to consume? I feel like it used to be only something for a man wiling to go to a sex shop and buy a tape, but now it seems like it’s much more accessible and women friendly than before and like Jacy said above – something partners can enjoy together instead of something secret, dirty or hush hush. I’m rambling incoherently, but this is all to say OMG SHE’S SUCH AN IGNORANT FIGNER-WAGGING PRUDE.

    Which is odd considering her porny costumes and predilection for under the restaurant table shenanigans.

    • What about the fact that some technologies Julia uses everyday, like online video, would not be mainstream if it wasn’t for porn?

      • i guess julia refuses to acknowledge that the interwebs has brought out the porn auteurs’ “latent creativity”… um err oops.

      • Exactly! And not directly related, but what about the use of social media, texting, skype etc. for long distance sexytimes for couples? There are so many sex positive things to talk about in relation to social media and the internet, and all Julia wants to do is scold men for looking at porn and fall on her fainting couch over dick pictures. Dumb ass.

        • Maybe she and her “team” can brainstorm about it in her next meeting… right after she pitches her cutting-edge new column on netiquette!

    • Oh hell yeah. Having easy porn access through the internet has made this cat lady verrrray happay.

  13. And of course Donkey cites Naomi Wolf, the braying Donkey of feminist thought. Ugh, I think Donkey found a way to disgust me even more than she does when she’s just being herself. In the queue: Donkey linking to articles by John Yoo and various other celebrity academics I hate.

    • God, I hate Naomi Wolf. If RBD ever needs a vacay from Donkey, can we snark on Naomi Wolf instead?

      • I will be down for that for sure. She flips and flops like a flippy floppy flipping thing that flops and flips and is just basically saying whatever will get her headlines.

        • Yes! She’s tots the Julia Allison of feminist academia. She comes close to making me root for patriarchy in the same way that Donkey comes close to making me root against cupcakes and the Internet.

          • I concur wholeheartedly. She and her husband are also quite insufferable in real life. Very, very impressed with themselves.

    • Hey now! I fucking love Naomi Wolf. Both “The Beauty Myth” and “The End of America” were the right books at the right time. Even this HuffPo blather does have some scientific research behind it… and anecdotally, there is a huge difference between the way guys in their 40s and guys in their 20s fuck. Sex is something that’s now learned from observation rather than experience. It’s a topic worth talking about in more nuanced words than PORN BAD, but unfortunately, PORN BAD is all that fits in a tweet and all that JAB is capable of discerning from the available evidence.

      Sex is changing, that’s for sure. I was sexually active for like two decades and then guys suddenly wanted to slap me in the face with their dicks! The first time it was funny. Well, actually it’s still pretty funny.

      • Didn’t mean to offend. The Naomi Wolf pieces I’ve read are full of interesting ideas, but also full of (IMO) unsupported, untested assertions delivered in such a pretentious, sanctimonious style that it makes me want to punch kittens.

        I find Naomi Wolf very interesting, but her pompousness and lack of rigor make me want to punch kittens. Please don’t make me be a bad cat man, Naomi.

      • Not to offend, but the “scientific” research in this article is largely crap and has been debunked by most neuroscientists (I posted about this in a comment earlier). Essentially, the “research” is saying that a) we find pleasurable things pleasurable, and b) anything pleasurable has the potential to be addictive. It’s not groundbreaking; this is the problem with a lot of “neuro” research nowadays. Some is good; a lot is obvious crap that people blow out of proportion oncee they see a pretty brain picture and want to prove some kind of (in this case moralistic) point.

  14. What is with her obsession with the Daily Mail? Is she trying to write for them? Trying to get them to publish her column?

  15. Sorry to distract from all the great pron talk going on here – so much better than any convo Donkey could have initiated – but I noticed that Greasy tweets Psych Today articles occasionally and this issue’s cover story is on How to Spot a Narcissist.

    Some interesting points:
    “They think they are more physically attractive and intelligent than just about everyone, and would rather be admired than liked. They are enraged when told they aren’t beautiful or brilliant but aren’t affected much if told they are jerks.”

    “Narcissists thrive in big, anonymous cities, entertainment-related fields (think reality TV), and leadership situations where they can dazzle and dominate others without having to cooperate or suffer the consequences of a bad reputation.”

    “Narcissists’ language and demeanor is often geared toward one objective: to maintain power in an interaction … tactics include bragging, refocusing the topic of conversation, making exaggerated hand movements, talking loudly, and showing disinterest by “glazing over” when others speak.”

    “Promiscuity is a key behavioral ingredient also, because narcissists are always searching for a better deal.”

    I could go on, but you get the point. I wonder if Greasy read all this then de-friended.

    • “…showing disinterest by “glazing over” when others speak.”

      Sums up pretty much every interview she’s ever done.

      • Can’t be too hard on Donkey for this one because the speed at which her eyes glaze over when others are talking is exceeded only by the speed at which my eyes glaze over when she is talking.

    • Um, doesn’t everyone’s eyes glaze over when they aren’t interested in a conversation topic without realizing it? (Like in an 8:00 AM CHEM 101 class?) And who wouldn’t be sad if someone said, “You know, you’re not beautiful and you’re actually not as smart as you think you are.”? Sometimes these descriptions of NPD feel like exes describing some asshole they used to date. Or maybe I suffer from it and have been clueless.

  16. This is tots related to the last thread, but in chat we were talking about Gone With the Wind, and ‘brah and I were watching it the other night when I said, “Wow. She is hella JA, but more likeable.”

    Anyway, this is an exchange that cracked me up, re: the last thread.

    Mammy: Oh now, Miss Scarlett, you come on and eat jess a little, honey!
    Scarlett: No! I’m going to have a good time today, and do my eating at the barbeque.
    Mammy: If you don’t care what folks says about dis family I does! I is told ya and told ya that you can always tell a lady by the way she eat in front of folks like a bird. And I ain’t aimin’ for you to go to Mr. John Wilkenson’s and eat like a field hand and gobble like a hog!
    Scarlett: Fiddle-dee-dee! Ashley told me he likes to see a girl with a healthy appetite!
    Mammy: What gentlemen says and what they thinks is two different things, and I ain’t noticed Mr. Ashley askin’ for to marry you.
    Scarlett: [Turns around slowly to face Mammy then throws her umbrella and stuffs food into her mouth]
    Mammy: Now don’t eat too fast. Ain’t no need for it come right back up again!
    Scarlett: [With her mouth full] Why does a girl have to be so silly to catch a husband?

      • “As God is my witness, I’ll never the Donkey again!”

        (stellar work, CB)

      • Dead @ the cat in the corner. But I am drink.

      • This is my favorite so far! The scale of her facial features onto Scarlett’s head… it’s genius, surrealist genius! 🙂

        • Don’t forget that the sausage curls look like more natural versions of Donkey’s standard pretty princess pelts.

          I might have to re-watch GWtW and take notes.

          I will say that Scarlett is slightly more independent in ways, and capable of getting shit done sometimes.

          Sometimes.

          • I love Scarlett. She was one tough ass bitch, especially after the war when she singlehandedly keeps her family from starvation by working in the fields day and night. She matures after the war and would eat women like Donkey for breakfast.

      • So this is super-late, as I’m catching up on my donkology this weekend, but I had to leave a note to inform you, CUNTbunnies!, that I really, truly, LITERALLY loled at this, and I rarely literally lol (the cat!). I smile, I chuckle, but loling does not come often. Also, your work is now my new desktop image. Bless you, CUNTbunnies, bless you.

  17. This week’s @SocialStudies question concerns a millennial who tweets inappropriately at the office – how does one handle that situation?
    4 hours ago from Twitter – Comment – Like – Share

    Why no one (who actually wants to enjoy sex with their real life partner!) should consume porn: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/naomi-w… (via @MediaReDEF)
    6 hours ago from Twitter – Comment – Like – Share

    Funny that she posted these together. Is she putting together some quasi-ANA, “Up-With Girls”, Blue-Butt sQurit Cleanse, F-U money site?

    Major Fail. Cause her BodyLab trainer ain’t that hot.

    • I think I can handle Julia’s column topic in one short sentence.

      Ashton, how can we help Julia contribute something, anything of value and originality to the world?

  18. I know it appears often, but I love the photo on this post. Partially because it’s easier on the eyes than most of Julia’s pictures, but mostly because it makes me giggle about the fact that Julia is best known for showing up to a party years ago dressed up as prossie failwhale tinkerbell with a condom twist.

    • an image result for ‘prostitute failwhale tinkerbell’:

      [img]http://aramsinnreich.typepad.com/aram_squalls/images/2008/04/21/01010001020201041220080419c2f58e2eb.jpg[/img]

  19. Obviously Julie has never been in a long term relationship. I am not saying all dudes love porn, but some do. Porn can also spice things up from time to time when one is looking for some motivation.

    So it seems like she never wants to be in a LTR? Is that confirmed? Because this porn stance pretty much kills that possibility, IMO.

    Don’t get me wrong — i have a lot of problems with it that i won’t go into here (they are 100% economic) — but to write it off entirely as bad and wrong is just so Tipper Gore. Donkey will not catch anyone in the current climate with this stance. Tool!

  20. The photo up there of the ass’s ass reminded me of how extreeeeemely ironic it is that the ONLY reason Julia Allison got anywhere in her “online career” was by dressing and acting porn-y for a bunch of web nerds who were probably especially porn-obsessed in high school. If she had kept it buttoned up and had tried to gain popularity on her merits and accomplishments (ha…) alone, she’d be a nobody. Now that she doesn’t have the body for it anymore, she’s spouting about how sex shouldn’t sell and anyone who is affected by sexual images is depraved. Now I don’t know about you fine catladies, but there aren’t ANY softcore, staged photos of me in my undies and heels floating around the internet (thankfully).

    What did you do to ALL THE GIRLS, JULIA?!

  21. Speaking of porn, is there a way to get back to something resembling the old Fleshbot view? My, uh, friend wants to know.

  22. Julia is like Katy Perry, as described by Sady Doyle: sexy but not sexual. (I use sexy only in terms of image desired and projected through sartorial
    choices, not as a value-based judgment on my part.) (since I find her repulsive.)

  23. I thought that whole article was reallllly dumb, but not for the same reasons as some posted above.

    I’m a chick and I watch 25-50% more porn than my most recent ex. In terms of porn, yeah, I do feel a little bit desensitized. But I am also one of those unfortunate people who can be categorized as having some form of the “addict” gene… it’s just really easy for me to get WAY too into things. So in terms of desensitization, yeah… I feel as though if I’ve been watching a lot of porn it will take some freakier and freakier shit to turn me on.

    That said, when it comes to actually getting it on with my man… it has no effect. Yeah, I’d like my ex to have been just a little bit more aggressive, but that’s how I’ve always liked it and I do not feel as though porn influenced that in any measurable way. I’m newly single, though, and must admit that I’ve been playing with the idea of being a little more sexually deviant IRL and not just in my own head. I don’t think that it’s all because of porn though. The internet in GENERAL has been a huge change in what information is accessible to the masses… and I am willing to bet that close to all freaky fetishes and hardcore sex acts have been going on since sex was first discovered.

    1926, foot fetish drawing: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Martin_van_Maele_-_La_Comtesse_au_fouet_01.jpg

    But I don’t think that fantasy is intrinsically linked to what, how willing, or how sensitive people are to what they do sexually with their partners in reality.

  24. Donkey is wasted and yelling at people on Twitter.

    We might be in for some good cray tonight?

    • Oh heavens. Here we go!

      JuliaAllison Julia Allison
      One glass of wine and I already had a mini sobbing meltdown. Awesome! This stuff really works!!!

    • Yep. Cray. She’s already started the tweletions, so I guess the buzz wore off that one sip of wine?

      [img]http://oi52.tinypic.com/30rwcgk.jpg[/img]
      [img]http://oi52.tinypic.com/v6qip2.jpg[/img]
      [img]http://oi52.tinypic.com/2iiex46.jpg[/img]

      • So much to parse there. What stands out right away is that she has no idea that her so-called buddy has been a freelance writer for 12 years. So concerned about others, our Donkey.

        Also, she is such an outlandish fool. It’s sad.

        • Totally. But why would she ever be interested in anyone else’s career accomplishments but her own unless, of course, that person can benefit her somehow.

    • JuliaAllison Julia Allison
      Marriage Advice in 140: Respect. Trust. Friendship. Always hold hands when fighting. And remember these 5 words: “Divorce is not an option.”
      5 hours ago

      Hear that, victims of domestic violence and abuse? DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION!!!

      • Why on earth is she so fucking afraid of divorce???? 50% of people, Donks. Are they all deficient in her eyes? She’s such a bitch.

        • Well, 50% of marriages end in divorce, which is not the same as saying that 50% of people will divorce. You get people like Elizabeth Taylor and Larry King skewing the percentage. But yeah, to treat a very common circumstance as unthinkable is ridiculous. Not ridiculous as in “ridiculously talented” or “ridiculously adorable,” either. (Because RIDICULOUS IS NOT AN INTENSIFIER.)

      • Hold hands while fighting??? Seriously?? Try that once and let me know how it goes, lady.

      • This sounds familiar to me… I think she leeched it off of a 5-word marriage-advice column the nytimes did a few months ago. At least the last two sentences, that is.

        • I have never heard of anyone so obsessed with long-term relationships and how to have a successful marriage who is nowhere near being in a position of knowing a single thing about either. It is so weird. She just wants to skip the first year of getting to know someone and starting a relationship and simply find herself married to a hot Ivy-educated dude who blindly worships her. So very, very weird.

          • As a single lady quickly approaching my expiration date, I can say that I am interested in having a long-term relationship myself, but I would never, ever, ever dare to give my married friends advice about how to make their union perfect. What do I know about how to make a marriage work? Not a goddamned thing.

  25. I’m female, watch porn, usually alone but sometimes with my husband. Some of it is laziness. I’m visual, porn tittilates me (though I only like certain categories), if in alone and need a release it speeds things up considerably.
    I’m glad Internet porn wasn’t around when I was a kid, though; I know I can get ‘er done without it.

  26. Holy shit fuck. She is losing her drink mind over on twitter right now.

    I am starting to believe she is antagonizing us.

    • This is as close as she can come to crashing over here without crashing over here I think.

  27. My problem with porn is what it can do to the people who produce it. I don’t think that porn is conceptually demeaning or damaging to women (minus the porn based on hurting women, of which there is a fair amount). But anyone who thinks that the life of the average porn star is that of a professional in charge of her image, her career and her sexuality is kidding themselves.

    There is a lot of fucked-up shit and outright abuse in the professional world of porn, and even when the work environment is free of those things I would hazard a guess that it attracts a fair share of lonely and disillusioned people who see it as a means of self-validization that I refuse to take for “self-empowerment.”

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder? The professional porn industry may be its ground zero.

      • Don’t get me wrong–the IDEA of porn is appealing to me because I think that people should embrace their sexuality and feel confident to do so both artistically and publically. But the reality is that the porn idustry, like all sweatshops, abuses and endangers its workforce–and that it holds a siren call for people who are looking to be endangered and abused.

        I don’t mean to judge people who like porn. But I prefer writen porn, which gives my imagination free reign, is in the control of the author, and does not involve acts performed on actual bodies.

        • I like dirty stories too. Has anyone read the Fermata by Nicholson Barker? That blew my teenage mind. I agree that written smut (literary or otherwise) can be just as if not more titillating than pictures or videos. But hey, I kinda dig all of it.

          • Discovering Anais Nin, particularly Delta of Venus. when I was a teenager was one of my ah- ha moments.
            And I remember the Fermata very well. It had it’s moments.
            And of course, on a more tawdry note, Scruples by Judith Krantz made the rounds at our HS for the blowjob scene alone. Oh sweet innocence lost!

          • I’m trying to remember some of my other favorite smutty reads. We could start a book club!

          • My mother went ballistic when she discovered me reading The Other Side of Midnight as a 12-year-old. I think there was an anal sex scene in that book. All I know is there was lots of sex and it turned me on.

    • so go work at McDonald’s instead. or wal-mart or telemarketing. I find those to be equally dehumanizing.

      • Are you subjected to STDs and rape by your employer at those jobs on a regular basis?

        If it does happen, are you stuck in a culture that believes you deserved it because of the very nature of your work?

        I think not.

        • Hmm maybe you missed my point. Let’s compare porn with alaskan crab fishing.

          There’s some real money to be made in both porn and crabbing. No one is putting a gun to anyone’s head forcing them to take either job. They can be dangerous jobs where you die or get fucked up for life. Whatever. Those people wanted to make some quick money and if they thought it was gonna be unicorns and rainbows, they were naive and stupid. The End.

          • Pretty much this. At some point people need to take responsibility for the life they’ve chosen. They wanted the easy way out with porn, well guess what, it ain’t easy. Get another job.

          • Nah, not that simple. Do you think the normal, healthy Julias/those who aren’t desperate/those who don’t get caught up in the cycle, willing decide to give themselves a porn career? Or do you think you’ll find a lot of damaged people who have suffered sexual abuse, and a whole lot of addicts?

            And I’m not talking off the top of my head, there’s a whole lot of research been done on those that work in the porn industry.

    • This is along the lines of what i was too lazy to type out above. My issues are economic, not moral in terms of ‘sex is bad’ ‘oooh shame on you.’ The economics of porn are not in favour of the actors/workers, who mostly seem wasted on drugs, and oh, why could they be doing this? I don’t really know!

      The economics of it are not at all on the side of the workers who risk a great deal to make the work, yet get the least protection/financial security out of the deal beyond quick access to a decent pay cheque for an afternoon’s work.

      Which i guess is a moral issue, but i am against capitalism in general on moral grounds. Capitalism applied to the sex organs/sex acts is a fucking dangerous business. And let’s be real, unless you are just doing lesbian scenes, the danger to your health and safety goes up immeasurably. What is appropriate compensation for this labour and how do you protect the workers?

      Somehow i don’t think the principles of socialism are really a force in the porn world (though in my opinion that would be amazing if they were!).

  28. RRR David Foster Wallace wrote and reported an amazing gonzo piece on just that

    The women are treated horrendously; the men not much better

  29. On the way to LA. So Julie, put down that useless self help book you are underlining and let’s review –

    EarthBar and Runyon and Meetings, Oh …. Give it a rest. Please.

    Not everyone changes their name to stop embarrassing their family.
    It is Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.
    And don’t use any variation “Fashion Foot Forward”, cause it sounds
    Midwest-y stupid.

    Paris Couture 2012

    You’re welcome.

    • No offence to any Midwest Catsisters. Cause, like, youknow, you could, like, totally rip on my world, dude.

      Have a good weekend y’all.

    • Wonder why she’s headed to San Diego for three days? Oh Pancakes — do not give in to the sobbing pleas — just say no.

      • Wonder why she’s going to ANY of the places she’s going to this month… soooo much pointless travel. Oh right… it’s “wedding season” – only one or two of those trips are for weddings porkchop. I feel so sorry for her… it must suck to be trapped inside her head.

        Schedule for July … up in the air! 🙂

        July 8-11 – LA
        July 12-14 – Chicago
        July 14-17 – Jackson Hole, Wyoming
        July 18-20 – Chicago
        July 21-24 – San Diego
        July 24-26 – New York
        July 26-27 – Chicago
        July 27-31 – San Francisco

        (apologies for light blogging this month – it’s wedding season!)

        • So awesome if she sees the Cakes!

          She might pretend it’s for something else then, “Yoo hoo, Pancakes! Come to Mama like a good boy!”

        • “apologies for the light blogging” — she’s got to be fucking kidding. Her blog consists only of vanity shots, and i doubt those will cease. The only time she writes anything that seems substantial (only to her, i might add) is when she gets her ass dumped. Again.

          Her blog is the definition of “light blogging” at its core in the day to day.

          What a hopeless moron.

          Also, she should stop acting like Chicago is some kind of ‘destination’ for her — it’s your home now, idiot. You are crashing with your parents on the most permanent basis, porkchop. You couch surf everywhere else, and condo surf in Chicago, which is your HOME NOW.

          I just kant with this dumb donkey.

        • The wedding braying NEEDS to end. I can’t take it anymore! “It’s wedding season!” oh stfu. You have 3 weddings a year and we used to have 3 a month. She wouldn’t even know a real, classy wedding if it bit her on the ass.

  30. missing my long hair….
    even though it wasn’t really “mine”
    but let’s not slip hairs.

    Oh Mary …

  31. OT but has anyone else noticed Julia has never made a return to that Windy City morning show after she crashed and burned???? Didn’t she say that was going to be a semi-reg thing?

    PS Her twitter melt down last night

    PS DONKEY

    • Not surprised. Anyone who works in television just has to watch her for 30 seconds to go, “Wow, this won’t work. Sweet Christ she’s unwatchable.”

      That is why Bravo pulled her pilot. They showed what Julia Allison looks, sounds and acts like to some focus groups and the response was so overwhelmingly negative they bagged the project.

      The world doesn’t like you, Julia! In fact, hardly ANYONE does!

      • Which is pretty amazing considering the people Bravo has put on television: Danielle Staub, Teresa Giudice, Michaela Salahi, Slade Smiley, et al. Yes, I do watch too much Real Housewives. Why do you ask?

        Speaking of Real Housewives, did anyone else watch NY last night? Jill went to visit her daughter Ally at college and apparently, Ally is a vegetarian who eats chicken AND wants to be a sex columnist. I couldn’t help but wonder if any of you catladies were watching and thinking of the Donkey.

  32. The wedding shit… I kant stand it!

    “Light blogging this month… it’s wedding season!”
    -Listen, bitch, you’re going to two more weddings this summer. That’s what, like four days out of the month? Stop trying to glom onto people’s weddings so that you can get more attention for yourself!

    “Airports are like weddings, so full of hope and possibility- until a storm hits.”
    -OMG you are so fucking crazy. Listen up, ladies! If it rains on your wedding day, there is no hope OR possibility for your future! Also, if she means “storm” to be like “fight” I guess she’s implying that if you and your partner fight, your wedding/marriage has no hope or possibility. What a crazy dumbass.

    Then, finally, a reference to her friend’s “wedding newsletter.” OMFG IS THIS A THING NOW??? Listen, people. No one gives a shit about your wedding. They will go, eat the food, dance, drink, and then go home. WEDDING NEWSLETTER?!?!?! WHAT THE MOTHER EFF.

    • I just bitched above about her wedding braying. It’s insane. For someone that’s 30, it’s pretty embarassing. It’s even more embarassing after coming out of a break-up with someone from a famous family. The hubscat & I would slap each other 5 for not having any weddings coming up. I have one tomororw and I don’t jump for joy, I get drunk.

      • PS, how do 3 weddings over the course of the summer prevent you from doing your job????? And this donkey wonders why her sideways Tumblr never sold for “fuck you” money????

        • And honestly, would you travel across the country for weddings that you weren’t super close with?
          I wouldn’t travel unless I was in the wedding, it was family, or a really close friend & we know she has no real friends.

          • But silly! Dave and Brit’s wedding is going to be the SOCIAL MEDIA WEDDING OF THE YEAR! The Social Media Expert can’t miss it!! Barf.

            What’s going to happen to her when “wedding season” is over and she’s all alone – no weddings, no excuse for pointless travel, no boyfriend… is she really going to crawl back to NY this fall for yet another trainwreck of covering fashion week?

        • Someone recently called her out in her comments about the light blogging (not that it was ever heavy to begin with) and that all she did was reblog Glitter Guide and she was all “ha ha ha I’m to busy LIVING MY LIFE to blog about it.” Actually, she said ” I’m just focusing more on having a life rather than writing about it”

          Oh dear. Is what she’s been doing recently “having a life?” Yeesh.

      • Exactly! Now that I’m 32 (expired) and my huscat is 35 (hitting his prime; how will I ever hold on to him???) we have pretty much aged out of wedding season and we could NOT be happier. The first few of your friends’ weddings are really exciting when you’re in your early-mid 20s but eventually all the weekends lost and financial outlay begin to wear thin (not that I am not always happy for the couple and for the most part I have really enjoyed all the weddings I’ve gone to) but the schedule can get exhausting. Plus I’m a summer weekend hoarder. Now we have maybe 1 or 2 weddings a year, tops, and it’s pretty liberating. Plus you end up really looking forward to those 1 or 2 weddings instead of feeling like not again…So yes. It’s a little weird that donks is 30 and is only getting going on the wedding circuit.

    • OK, I see it was somewhat discussed above. Reality is she can’t stand being alone and she has two more weddings to go to and it just drives it home that she’s…alone. So she’s going back to that well in San Diego. Pathetic.

      • Well, Pancakes said he didn’t want her to die paragliding so obviously he still loves her so she’s probably counting on a reconciliation and decided to just go ahead and schedule it.

  33. Looking at her “travel schedule” just makes me pity this vapid woman. She desperately wants to appear so busy and in demand, when the reality it that she has absolutely NOTHING else going on in her life. And I’d probably spend most of my life traveling around aimlessly if I had the funds, the lack of a job/partner/purpose too. The empty travel purposes to empty hotel rooms or couches only further emphasizes a truly empty life.

    • How many thousands of dollars of her parents money do you think she spends each months pointlessly flying around the country?

      Often with a missed flight because I’m a girl tee hee!

    • Yeah I had a roommate who completely fell apart when she turned 26. Her dad worked for an airline and she had free travel until then. She didn’t know how to deal with problems and would fly to London for a few days just because she was upset. She was always itching to get away and then all of the sudden she couldn’t. Her drinking problem got a lot worse.

    • Also I don’t feel like reading this whole article right now, and I haven’t been in love with Naomi Wolf for quite some time, but seems to me like this article is talking about porn addiction, which is a quite different thing than just enjoying porn on a normal level.

  34. Given Donk has declared herself in love with Waity, why doesn’t she just watch lesbian porn and imagine it’s Kate Middleton going down on her?

    • But we know that ALL THE GIRLS, especially Kate, don’t actually eat anything, much less partake of a Donkey clam dungeon bake.

  35. “Wherefore art thou Whitney?”

    I do not think it means what she think it means.

    • The Donkey moonlights as a rere parrot.

    • Hahaha Julia trying to go Shakespearean and totally failing to understand it has inspired me. I thought about casting her as Polonius, but I decided that she would fit better as one of the evil daughters of King Lear.

      King Lear AND DONKEY. Act I, Scene 1.

      GONERIL
      Sister, it is not a little I have to say of what
      most nearly appertains to us both. I think our
      father will hence to-night.

      REGAN
      That’s most certain, and with you; next month with us.

      DONKEY
      Indeed, next month with me; perchance I will entertain
      him in his own second seat in the Duchy of Illinois.

      GONERIL
      You see how full of changes his age is; the
      observation we have made of it hath not been
      little: he always loved our sister most; and
      with what poor judgment he hath now cast her off
      appears too grossly.

      DONKEY
      O, Sister Goneril: aswim in the waters of niceties
      and innocence thou art; too brimming with petty
      consideration for others; for thou speakst as though
      our father and sister were not merely means to our
      shared ends: weddings, fame, and cupcakes in plenty.

      REGAN
      ‘Tis the infirmity of his age: yet he hath ever
      but slenderly known himself.

      DONKEY
      His awareness of self will surely grow,
      for I have of late compelled him to dress
      in the Bonobos garments I have purchased
      to his measure.

      • On a related note (one that Julia would think interests teh geighs almost as much as hairstyling and throw pillows), I saw the fantastic Ian McKellen production of King Lear in which he disrobes during the cray cray, and Sir Ian is impressively well-endowed.

      • for I have of late compelled him to dress
        in the Bonobos garments I have purchased
        to his measure.

        brilliant. *wipes tears from eyes*

      • An amazing piece of donkitude!

        From my favourite, the Scottish play:

        Donk’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
        That poses and pouts her hours upon the net
        And if ignored, tries to be heard all the more: she is a tale
        Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
        Signifying nothing.

  36. Landed in LA, picked up my Volvo rental car, headed to @TarynSouthern’s, where I bonded with her kitten – now a welcome hike in Runyon!

    Only eight hours into the weekend, I’m 2 for 6.
    Sooooo predictable.

    • So that Swedish trip — that has something to do with why she’s always renting Volvos now, right? She gets a discount for never blogging a single word about the stupid trip?

      • Unfortunatly, the discount thing might be true. Hope the “So Frustrated” tweet was about her getting towed … again.

    • Oh I miss the wiki for these things… Donkologists!

      What is it with her and that fucking Runyon Canyon? Is this the only elevated surface in LA? Is it the only place she knows how to get to by hoof? Is she hoping some blind psycho jumps from the bushes and offers her a reality TV show instead of rape? Is it hip? She’s like a wild animal returning to the same grazing grounds year after year…

      • Dear @SocialStudies,
        I have a friend that fakes liking to jog when she visits LA. She never misses the chance to tweet to her 20k followers that she is about to go on a jog, alone, in a secluded park. Tabloid TV has taught me that jogging in a park alone, wearing headphones, and typing on an iPhone is the fastest way for a woman to get raped and/or killed (I still literally tear up about Chandra Levy). Should I warn my friend she is being irresponsible?

        — Little Red Riding in Da’ Hood

    • How fuck much would it suck to have the same house guest arriving on your door step every month for days on end. God I feel for her friend.

      • I know! I have two really awesome friends who are a couple with a spare room and i maybe show up on their door once every 2 years. And these are people i have known for 10 years, who are solid, solid friends.

        I would never dream of imposing myself on them more than that unless there was some sort of tragic emergency at hand.

        That she thinks she can just couch surf to avoid feeling like a total loser is beyond me.

  37. Errmm…what about straight ladies that enjoy lesbian porn? No interest in doing it in real life, but it can be really hot! All the focus is on a woman’s pleasure.

    I guess miss sex columnist would just label me gay rather than acknowledge that things can turn you on without wanting to fulfill your fantasies.

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