“Good Work, Ashton!”


There’s nothing quite so funny as when Donkey, either via her Twitter or on her blog, refers to celebrities by their first names, as though she knows them personally. Kate is my style icon! (EDS note: Really? Do you suppose ‘Kate’ would be caught dead in a single outfit Donkey has ever worn? If  ‘Kate’ is her style icon, do you suppose she might ix-nay the polyester Junior Miss prom dresses that show off her beaver and her hooters? How about the fake hair? Does she think ‘Kate’ has plastic pelts?) Taylor is such a darling waif! You’re so refreshingly honest, John! Rosie and Kelly just had a huge fight! Ashton, how can we help?

Here’s the latest suck-up to poor Ashton Kutcher, who can’t seem to escape this loon pretending she’s a close friend every time he Tweets. She’s looking out for all the girls AND kissing celebrity ass!

JuliaAllison: Good work, Ashton. Hold them accountable. RT @aplusk: Hey @villagevoice I’m just getting started!!!!!!!! BTW I only PLAYED stupid on TV.



  1. At least Rosie could probably identify the hooves, pelts, and brays in a lineup. I doubt Ashton would recognize Julia, no matter how loudly she twats at him.

  2. How can we not sell girls, Ashton?

    Also, me no understand: REAL NEWS PUBLICATIONS DON’T SELL THEM…the Village Voice is in the business of selling girls?

  3. Let’s not forget the braying about Donkey’s chum “Sandy”:

    juliaallison: HOW COULD ANYONE CHEAT ON SANDY BULLOCK??!?? What the EFF?!!!!!! | 05:34:04 am on March 19, 2010

  4. That picture is hilarious. Thanks for NPD suggested reading….I had to
    check up on it with the Wiki after a lunch with a particularly bad (old) case.
    I imagine having lunch with Julie would be the same—air sucked out of the
    room, and all attention and convo self directed.
    The burdens we cat-people have!! So self-less and forgiving!

  5. Oh my god! This is basically completely unrelated to anything here, but you brought up John Mayer and it tots reminded me…

    I had a dream last night that I drunk-crashed out asleep at a cabin shared by John Mayer and Goopy and I woke up (in my dream), to catch him masturbating with an empty Flaming Hot Cheetos bag!

    • You just made me remember I had an appearance by Donkey in my dream last night! My first Donks-induced nightmare. I don’t remember the details, just that she was EXACTLY how she appears to be in person in my dream and I remember feeling braygey with a Canklehausen flare-up.

  6. Donkey’s wide-stance fauxtos resemble:

    • Her face is plastic and the point of the outfit from Donkey’s delusional point of view is for everyone to say, “Oh look at darling tiny&cute Julia! She’s usually so classy and refined, just like Kate Middleton, then she pulls something like this our of her closet because she’s so SASSAY. What a card!”

    • I don’t quite understand why in every post some people treat the accompanying picture like it is new or related to the article. Nearly every time Mommy and Daddy simply pull a picture from the old publicly available pile and stick it in the text to give it some visual jazz. I’m guessing they want to avoid Donkey braying about people using her recent photos since that was one of her major beefs in the cease-and-desists during the RBNS fiasco. But since this site is not beholden to WordPress.com’s TOS anymore, I’m not sure why RBD doesn’t post pics from her blog.

      I’m not knocking it, the commentary is funny sometimes but there is certainly no correlation between this outfit (2009-06-05) and any thoughts Donkey has on Kate Middleton. Same for “Oh wow! Her nose looks so different, I bet the ashram was plastic surgery!” when the pic is the classic romper weiner one.

      • Her old pics are full of lulz, and she thinks she’s a princess in the above photo. I don’t see what the big deal is?

  7. Is Donkey hoping that Ashton will ask her to hang out if she humors him enough?

      • No, RRR, men cheat ALL THE TIME. There are literally not times when a man isn’t cheating. And WHEN Ashton shows his willingness to cheat, Julia will magically forget that he’s married because women are NEVER complicit in cheating.

        What I was really going for was that Julia may cherish the hope that if Twitter flattery can net a meeting with her, it can also net one with Ashton.

      • LITERALLY!


        • I’ll say something nice – she was SO MUCH PRETTIER then, jesus. And something not so nice – her legs don’t match the rest of her body. Also, those shoes.

          • I see that the one over-sized nostril
            was in full bloom, even back then …

          • Honestly, to say something nice, as silly as her dress/black stocking mess is in the picture for this blog post, she still looked better then. I find it hard to reconcile sometimes how bad her face gets every year. It really is the lips. Every time I see her speak, I get completely absorbed and (en)grossed out watching her twisted, bloated mouth contort unnaturally around each word or thought.

            How can she not look back and see that she has turned herself into some grotesque R. Crumb nightmare of a caricature?

            Her body dysmorphia is part of what makes her so, so sad. I can’t really bring myself to make fun of Jocelyn Widenstein, and I increasingly kind of feel bad for making fun of Donkey.

            Except, you know, that she sucks so hard and brings it on herself. Hopefully the upcoming wedding madness will allow the brayge to replace the guilt.

          • her legs don’t match the rest of her body

            Brah, I don’t think those legs would match anyone’s body. Well, speaking of R Crumb, maybe his objects of lust.


        • Deer-in-the-Headlights Barbie comes with everything you see here!

          Truck Driver Ken sold separately.

        • Of all the doctors she goes to she can’t find one that can fix those legs? I mean, yeah, genetics and all, but yeesh!

    • [img]http://image1.masterfile.com/getImage/NjAwLTAxMTIzODMwbi4wMDAwMDAwMA=AHGdAh/600-01123830n.jpg[/img]

  8. She actually purchased that dress. She saw it on a hanger in Forever 21 or Hot Topic or wherever and actually not only liked it, but purchased it and then wore it in public. Chew on that.

    People were laughing AT YOU, dear. At you. Not with you.

    • Ashton, can I help you succeed at using your celebrity for good? Please?

    • Short version: Ashton (and Demi) cite there are 100,000 to 300,000 children in America turning to prostitution every year, and are starting an organization to help.

      Village Voice calls out Ashton’s PSAs:

      “Ostensibly about an intense issue–childhood sex slavery–the videos reek of frat-boy humor.”

      …then does the actual math and research, comes up with (a generous) less than 1,000 incidents in the US per year, and ALSO calls out the Times, USA Today, CNN, et. al. for just parroting stats without doing research.

      Inspiring “Ashton Kutcher Attacks Village Voice in Late Night Twitter Tantrum”

      Shoddy journalism AND social media? Of course Donks rushes to the defense.

      • To be fair, ANY number of child slavery cases is too many…..but to inflate the numbers is negligent, and of course Donks does no research to find out if the numbers are legit….she just wants in Ashton’s pants. How could anyone cheat on Demi!!!!!

      • I’d like to side with the Village Voice on this one, but they used “ostensibly.”

        And I hate that word now almost as much as I hate Julia Allison’s face.

        • yeah? i hate the word “redemption”

          with a hate that burns like one thousand suns.

  9. In Julia’s psychosis-addled brain she does know Ashton. She’s a famous, special celebrity who runs in fabulous, elite circles. SHE IS NOT RANDOM.

    Ashton has no idea who Julia A. Baugher is, and he wouldn’t give her the time of day if he did.

    • my cathus has worked on a few Ashton photo shoots. he always says the same thing about him: super dumb, major tool, doesn’t talk to anybody on set. Ashton would most definitely NOT give Julie the time of day.

      • Noooooooooooooooo, don’t tell me that Ashton’s dumb. I love Ashton, I love Ashton more than Bruce will ever love Ashton and I can help Ashton in more ways than Julie ever could.

      • That makes me sad to hear that he’s dumb, considering he was a biochem engineering major in college!

        • Yeah, for like a year before he quit to become a model. I don’t find Ashton attractive AT ALL. Ashton, there’s not much you can do to help in that matter.

        • Yeah, that doesn’t really count because he had that major for such a short time that he probably failed all his classes. Ashton is dumb; it’s not just an act. Still smarter (or at least more endearing) than Donks.

  10. I’ve been following the reblogging train for…oh maybe 3+ years – but, for the life of me I cannot remember where, “I am not random” stems from.
    Ashton, can you help?

    • It was from the Mark Zito radio interview. Details are fuzzy in my alcohol soaked brain, but she was acting obnoxious and basically calling these radio dudes sexist pieces of shit, and one of those dude’s girlfriend called in PISSED. She called Julia “random,” and Julia said, “I AM NOT RANDOM! I HAVE A TALK SHOW ON NBC!” (That “talkshow” being TMI Weakly.)

    • I love “I am not random”! and I think I know where it’d from…

      Here’s the relevant link:

      Basically, she was a guest on a talk-radio show hosted by Mark Zito and – in her usual charming, never-get-invited-back-again manner – dissed his bosses, claiming they were sexist assholes. This obviously publicly, since they were on the air at the time.

      The girlfriend of one of those guys then rang the show to defend her man and in the course of that exchange I think she referred to Julia as “some random woman”.

      At which point Julia shrieked, “I am not random! I have a talk show on NBC!”

      You can listen to the whole interview here:
      Hillar-ballz! Best bit imo is Mark Zito basically *begging* Julia to shut up about his bosses, trying *desperately* to get her to stop and she just will.not. pick up on any of his cues and keeps on digging in. Really stunning.

      • Other great things about that incident:

        -the girlfriend who called in is super-hot and has a career that julia wishes she had. can’t remember her name right now, but she has some media-related job, or she did then.

        -when questioned, it seemed that julia’s beef with the two guys all stemmed from some incident at a party. it was clear that these guys had failed to hit on julia or something like that…perhaps failed to appreciate how fucking special and beautiful she is. that interview is pure gold.

        • *cough* I think she was on their show once and they weren’t impressed with her, so she hated them and called them douchebags, etc. His GF is tiny and cute, JA realizes this and starts kissing her ass right away. I don’t think that dinner offer ever materialized – um, er, oops!


        She claims to be “intoxicated” so her fucking cuntitude is at CATEGORY 5. How did I not find this before. ITS THE WORST. THING. EVAR.

        So rude. So crass. So loud. So dumb.

        • I’m re-listening to it instead of doing my work and the one thing that keeps popping up in my mind is that she talks about sex the way a virgin might. Like, everything is so SHOCKING and CRAZY and MYSTERIOUS and you have to jump through crazy hoops to make penis-in-vagina happen.

          REALITY: It’s not difficult to get laid in NY. It LITERALLY happens every minute of every day. You are not saucy or sassy or unique because a man decided having sex with you might be a nice idea.

      • “no self-respecting woman in new york, or anywhere, pays for a first date.”

        what a great feminist.


      • I just listened to the whole thing again (it really is classic) and “I’m not random! I have a talk show on NBC!” is an amalgam of two separate quotes from the show. At one point the host calls her “silly” and she says she’s not silly, she has a talk show on NBC. Later, Layla calls in and refers to Julia as random, to which Julia bursts out “I am not random!”

  11. O/T but, I just love all you catpeople so much and respect the humor and intelligence here. Anyone have any suggestions for summer reading material? Open to anything…

    • I really like Annie Dillard’s work lately. “The Writing Life” would be a good beach read…

    • I’m a fan of Ann Lamott’s writings on spirituality, and also the “Conversations with God” series (and I’m not all that religious, so please don’t think I’m proselytizing). Also recently read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, which was sciencey without being boring.

      Fiction-wise, try Into the Beautiful North by Luis Urrea, Old School from Tobias Wolff, the new one from Steve Martin (forgot the name and I’m on my phone so being too lazy to look up), anything by Ann Rivers Siddons (considered romance, but generally intelligent and fairly pro-independent woman).

    • If you like sexism, violence, genocide, patricide, totemism, murder, rape, xenophobia, and repeated use of the word “begat”, then I’d recommend the work Dad did in collaboration with this jewish guy named “Moses”, who was apparently famous enough in his day that one name was enough.

      It’s available in pretty much any language you like and sometimes you can nab a copy free in hotel/motel drawers next to the phone book. Check it out!

      • Yes! Love Pete Dexter. His “Deadwood” is what HBO based the series on, and also a great read. And Paris Trout is an all-time fave, what a great writer.

        If you’re into the nerdier post-apocalyptic zombie epic-ness, I’m about to start The Passage by Justin Cronin which came highly recommended.

    • I was late on this but I read Franzen’s Freedom on vacation and really loved it. Loved it as in “contemporary masterpiece” kind of loved it. Like didn’t want to pick up another book for days so that I could savor it.

      Also like anything by Kate Atkinson, a funny British mystery writer. Case Histories was really great.

      I’ve heard The Help is amazing. Same with Visit From The Goon Squad. Ordering them from Amazon soon.

      • Case Histories totally slew me. Slewn me. When it came out in paperback I bought it for like ten people.

        Visit From The Good Squad is even better than you’ve heard — my absolute favorite novel of the past year.

        • I liked The Corrections but thought Freedom was better. Such a great, almost epic contemporary novel.

    • “The Terrible Privacy of Maxwell Sims,” by Jonathan Coe.
      Anything — everything — by Kevin Brockmeier. He has a new novel out, “The Illumination.”
      “Trespass,” by Rose Tremain, who has so many amazing books, including “Sacred Country,” “The Way I Found Her,” and “Music and Silence.”

      For beach reading (or whatever your beach is) I love Denise Mina, Patrick McGrath, Kate Atkinson. I WORSHIP Kate Atkinson. I envy anyone who hasn’t read her, because from the first to the last so much goodness awaits.

      Oh! and maybe because it was a road trip or I was just in a good mood, but I really enjoyed Justin Cronin’s blockbuster vampire novel, “The Passage.” I found it way more engaging than I’d expected, and there are two (three?) more on the way if you’re into that sort of thing.

      • Augh! Please see comment below about the Jacy janx! I have no idea why that comment ended up where it did, other than my own re re.

      • Second the Cronin “Passages” rec. Great grisly vampire/mutant fun, smart enough to not even qualify as a guilty pleasure.

        Atkinson sounds swell. Looking her up on Amazon forthwith.

    • All of Jen Lancaster’s books. Start with Bitter is the New Black and work your way to My Fair Lazy. I just tore through all of them again and they literally (LITERALLY) make me LOL.

    • Jack Handey, What I’d Say to the Martians: and Other Veiled Threats (a collection of humor pieces). Be careful when reading this in public places, because you WILL draw attention to yourself with uncontrollable giggle fits and/or way-too-loud snorts of laughter.

      “People of Mars, you say we are brutes and savages. But let me tell you one thing: if I could get loose from this cage you have me in, I would tear you guys a new Martian asshole… We are a warlike species, you claim, and you show me films of Earth battles to prove it. But I have seen all the films about twenty times. Get some new films, or, so help me, if I ever get out of here I will empty my laser pistol into everyone I see, even pets.”

    • My suggestion for summer reading is – shock, horror – non-fiction: The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan. It’s about food, but it’s about oh so much more. He is *such* a good writer; the book is funny, and gripping, and enlightening – just everything you could ever want from a summer read.

      As it happens, I only read it originally because Nora Ephron (FTW) recommended it as summer reading in the New York Times. Here’s what she said:

      “…I have tried on countless occasions to convey to my friends how incredible this book is. I have gone on endlessly about Pollan’s brilliance in finding a way to write about food — but it’s not really about food, it’s about everything; in fact, it even has a theory of everything that makes perfect sense and explains absolutely everything, as theories of everything are supposed to do … and, what’s more, it’s completely charming because he has the most amazing voice … well the point is, I have tried and failed to explain it, so I just end up giving them a copy, and sooner or later they call to say, you were right, it’s fantastic…”

      I’m in the food business myself, so it’s extra interesting for me. But I cannot imagine a catladee *not* liking it. Soooooo good.

      • He did a good interview on NPR, as well. I believe it was with Terry Gross on “Fresh Air”. It’s aired on many NPR stations and recorded at WHYY in Philly if you want to find a clip.

        He talks about the relationship between people and their food, the environment, economics, the food “business”, etc.

    • Thanks everyone! Great suggestions – can’t wait to hit the beach with my new books!

      • I’m in the middle of In the Garden of Beasts by Erik Larson. It’s non-fiction and about the first American ambassador to Germany right after Hitler became chancellor and I’m really liking it. Larson also wrote Devil in the White City, which I liked as well.
        As for fiction, I recently read In the Woods, by Tana French and Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro and definitely recommend them both.

        • I liked Devil in the White City, too. I will have to check In the Garden…

          Never Let Me Go is in the queue! I watched the first 5 minutes of the movie adaptation and it was horrific.

      • Ada, or Ardor (Nabokov). I have re-read it many, many times throughout the years, and it’s different every time*, depending on where I am at the time. Actually, there are extra-pervy undertones I am noticing this round (must be a result of Ashton’s campaign; doesn’t detract from the overall excellence, though), but it is a great summer read because it is so much about summer.

        *Also why it would be a great desert island book — dense and baroque and … FUNNY, the most important thing.

        P.S.: Maybe this time I will be able to get some perspective on the very important central passage about time. Never could get it before; math is hard for ALL THE GIRLS.

        P.P.S.: Creepy Divorced Bob, you are on; margaritas, or mojitos, or plain vodka martinis (or whatever, but gin martinis are somewhat looked at askance here) are on me when you decide to grace our shores.

          • Absolutely! There was recently some talk of a Bay Area meet-up; maybe it would be the ideal opportunity for such a convergence. As long as I don’t have to go tromping around the city at all hours — I am old and frail (read: lazy) but would be delighted to host the first leg of the brawl. Let’s discuss.

    • Just Kids by Patti Smith,,,, really worth reading if you are interested in Music and art or NYC in the 80s

  12. Jacy and I did not plan the Kate Atkinson assault, I swear.

    I’ve started the new Franzen but had to put it down to finish a massive project which has been eating at my soul like a soul-tapeworm for two years; however, it seems awesome. But now that I’m on a roll I might as well plug my four favorite short story writers working today: George Saunders, David Means, Lorrie Moore, and Alice Munro.

    I ditto Afghani on Annie Dillard. I love “Pilgrim at Tinker Creek” and “The Writing Life” and “The Maytrees,” but my favorite by far is “The Time Being.” She’s really something. WILL STOP TYPING NOW.

    • I love how many of us catlady h8rz are also book nerds. I’m writing all your suggestions down, love discovering new authors and haven’t even heard of Kate Atkinson (blushes). I’ve had the hardcover Freedom in the queue since it came out, just have so many books I’ve been reading (totally sucked into the Game of Thrones series, ugh), and I can’t seem to start it. Glad to hear Jacy liked it so much, I’m motivated to pick it back up.

      I’ll stop typing now, too 😉

      • I’m in the middle of re-reading Storm of Swords and am forcing myself to put it down because it is so good and I don’t want it to end!

  13. Am I crazy or did she delete the tweet about being on her way to the wedding? And she’s still in Chicago attending Second City class?

    • WEDDING TIME! I’m headed to @NatalieLent’s sure-to-be-gorgeous 4th of July weekend nuptials to the handsome Chris Bruss!
      47 minutes ago


        JuliaAllison: @stylemepretty – WEDDING TIME! I’m headed to @NatalieLent’s sure-to-be-gorgeous 4th of July weekend nuptials to the handsome Chris Bruss! Jun 30, 2011 10:29 AM

    • It’s still in her twatter stream. Maybe she tee hee hee so cute missed her flight again.

      • Could she be driving to the wedding? Quelle horreur! or Horror… I can’t remember the Mary thing.


    I dare you to listen to it. They should use this in Gitmo.

      • It’s linked up above. It’s a radio interview that was the genesis of “I”M NOT RANDOM” – but its also Julie A. Baugher at her MOST vile.

        Her sexual aggressiveness is so…off. It reminds me of people with a diminished mental capacity. This would give me pause in making fun of her, but I really think she’s developmentally disabled. High-functioning, for sure…but she has diagnosable problems.


          Two seconds in:
          Dude: I read your blog… cause I have a vagina.
          Donkey: You finger yourself EVERY DAY!
          …..awkward silence.

          • It actually gets worse from there…she’s just loosened up enough from the booze that she can’t hold it together AT ALL.

            CATEGORY 5 CUNT.

        • And then the female DJ asks her a question and Donkey goes, “I don’t even know your name.” CUNNNNNNNNT

          • JP, can you please parse this thing?

            I know it’s tough to listen to, but I think this is Julia at her WORST.

          • I esp. love how after admitting she doesn’t know Courtney’s name, she asks Courtney to “back her up” at least a dozen times over the course of the next half-hour. Because Courtney is part of the Hive Woman Mind that is always in lockstep with Julia Allison.

        • We not only did posts on it at the time, but JP revisited it a year later. Go search the archives — well worth it.

          • Also PROTIP: if you run into on of our linked posts in our archives, just replace “rebloggingns.wordpress” with “rebloggingdonk” in the URL and it will take you to the page we meant to link to.

    • She keeps trying to this ghetto speak thing…its ACTUALLY more awkward than the hyper aggressive retard girl sexual talk.

      • That couldn’t be more jarring!

        It also MAKES NO SENSE. Is there something macho about keeping your Ivy’s straight? It’s like her mouse brain is just filling in sound bite ad libs with no awareness of what she’s actually saying.

        I’m dead, fucking serious and it gives me a sad because I MIGHT have to stop being mean to her…homegirl is retarded.

        And random.

        • Can’t you just imagine the crap, nay, the “gifts!” that come out of Donkey’s mouth during improv? Yowza.

    • On how women don’t pay for the first date: “You know what you are paying for? You’re paying for the fact that I had to pay for make-up and I have to wear heels.”

      • Earlier in the interview she said she hardly ever wears makeup. I almost choked on a cornflake.

      • This reminds me of the kind of thing the loud, popular girls said when we were in 8th grade. Forget “I’m not random;” Julia’s motto should be “I’m triple the age and with the same maturity level.”

  15. I almost (almost!) feel sorry for the Donkey. She looked so much better back in the day, but she totally missed out on her chance to be seen as hot, because her sartorial choices were so goddamned juvenile and awful.

  16. OK, you know how sometimes RBNS/RBD references slip into real life?

    Last night I was at the grocery store with my catfriend, and he was trying to get me to smell all of these manly bodywashes to see which one I liked best. He handed me one and I sniffed it and said, “UGH! Vom in the shower!”

      • I’ve been saying, “ALL THE ______” a lot lately.

        Only dudebrah even kind of gets it.

        I need to stop.

  17. OT, but this newspaper article made me laugh:

    FORT WORTH — Enter the world of Cupcake Zombies at your peril.

    Once in, you’ve become a lemon that shoots forks. Your mission is to destroy the hungry cupcake zombies because it’s only through their elimination that the Food Pyramid can be rightfully reclaimed.

    Does this sound like too daunting a mission? [Feel free to] Relax. It’s just a video game.

    Cupcake Zombies was created by 16-year-old Zach Villarreal during a two-week summer program at Texas Christian University that ends today.

    Read more: http://www.star-telegram.com/2011/06/30/3192685/education.html#ixzz1QsZ9n3mF

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