Julia Allison Cares About Civil Rights Issue Enough To Not Pay Attention To Or Understand It

Sorry, for the lack of posting this weekend. I was too busy booking The Eagle for my wedding reception and picking out various items at forttroff.com for my registry. Let’s catch up, shall we?

Julia Allison, who hopes to God that her future son is a nelly, prancing buttfucker, took to Twitter this past Friday to show her support for marriage equality in the state of New York. And, as always, when she mentions the geighs, she pissed off some fag for her stereotypical generalizations and general ineptitude. And this time it wasn’t me!

Just got a chill. HELL YES, EQUALITY. Let’s start planning some gay weddings!! WOOO! #MarriageForAll

Oh, Donks, we’re tastemakers, sweetheart. We don’t want you anywhere near our wedding planning. We can handle it on our own. But what’s this? Was Donkey trying to ingratiate herself into the news of the day without attempting to inform herself as to what exactly was going on? Yes, she was.


@juliaallison: no it didn’t. You amaze me, by how little knowledge you have. Final vote hasn’t been issued yet.

Just got a chill. HELL YES, EQUALITY. Let’s start planning some gay weddings!! WOOO! #MarriageForAll

@juliaallison: and with that response, you confirmed why you get hated on, always..

Sorry, AMENDMENT is passed.

@JuliaAllison. You are so clueless. Vote on gay marriage in nyc is going on right now, forgrt your game!

RT @GlynnMacN: RT @benpolitico: RT @NYSenate: Again to be clear, so far we have only passed THE AMENDMENT. The MAIN BILL HAS NOT YET PASSED.//”yet”

Well, let’s just pass this bill already so I can start celebrating!!!

JuliaAllison: @villagevegan – um … I cannot vote, as no one elected me to the NY state senate. But I do hope gay marriage prevails!

Yes, Julia Allison, who holds a degree in political science from Georgetown University in Washington, D.C., and who worked as an intern on Capitol Hill, fails to grasp a basic understanding of legislative procedures. Now I understand getting caught up in the moment and not really comprehending procedural rules of the New York’s legislative body, but, again, Julia Allison holds a degree in political science from Georgetown University and once worked as an intern on Capitol Hill, which I wouldn’t be harping on were it not for Julia Allison trotting out those credentials in her 100 percent truthful bio that paints her as some sort of expert in these matters.

Yet again, Julia Allison displays her profound stupidity. She honestly thinks that Obama can wave some magical glitter wand and proclaim that gay marriage is legal throughout the land.

I wish President Obama would take this opportunity to make history & declare marriage a fundamental right for all. Take a stand, sir.

Yes, dumbfuck. It’s that easy. Never mind that either Congress has to repeal or the Supreme Court has to overturn DOMA. And then we have the complicated issue of state’s rights, since the majority of states have laws or even constitutional amendments on the books defining marriage between one man and one woman. The legal nightmare that the geighs face to achieve marriage equality in all 50 states is daunting. Take Prop 8, for example. As the case makes its way to the Supreme Court, there is no guarantee that the Supreme Court will make a decision on the broad issue of gay marriage equality. Rather, a narrow decision may be made that will only be applicable to the situation in California. Our current roster of judges on the Supreme Court don’t have a strong track record on making broad, all-encompassing decisions, particularly when it comes to liberal matters. While the victory in New York may be the most significant yet in the fight for marriage equality, there is a long road ahead. It’s not like that all Obama has to do is clap his hands three times so those fairies can get married.

And, as is par for the course, when someone points out Julia Allison’s profoundly uninformed, she backtracks and claims that what she wrote is not what she meant, despite being a professional writer.

@JuliaAllison demonstrating your fundamental lack of knowledge about american history and law again, i see.

@brooksbayne – actually I was just referring to him taking a rhetorical leadership position on it. Has nothing to do with the law …

Oh, rhetorical leadership. Yeah, that’s all we need. Because record shows that whenever President Obama states his position on a certain issue, the Republican Party immediately gets right behind him in support and agreement. Well get on it, then, Obama! Rhetorically lead and whatnot!

But at least it’s comforting to know that republicans in New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles support gay marriage, because over-generalizer Julia Allison says so.

It occurs to me that – to the best of my knowledge – 100% of my friends are pro gay marriage. Given, most of them live in NY, SF or LA. So.

Oh, I don’t live in those cities, I must not believe in equal rights for gays! Never mind that the state of New York failed to pass a law legalizing gay marriage just two years ago, or that voters in California overturned a state supreme court decision on marriage equality. I was also unaware that New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles were in the states of, say, Massachusetts or Iowa, where gay marriage was made legal before New York and, at one point, California.

My God, the stupids! They burn!


  1. Wow, two things: first of all, how can someone who proudly voted for that Republican last November, and was just dating the son of John McCain (you know, the Republican who ran for president), even ATTEMPT to celebrate this? She was literally in bed with people who demonize gays and want to make sure they never have the same rights as every one else. Plus, and maybe this is more insulting, all she can think about in this momentous event–which is about people being treated fairly–is planning weddings. Because, you know, she’s not all obsessed with them.

    • Her wedding obsession is so fucking dumb. Marriage rights are not about weddings, they are about tax breaks and benefits and access. In short, money and stability. This can happen without a wedding, or a registry or any of the that shit. This is why it’s a huge human rights violation to allow it for some but not all. You are not allowing the same financial and social benefits to one group because of who they fuck. It’s really, really dumb.

  2. It occurs to me that – to the best of my knowledge – 100% of my friends are pro gay marriage. Given, most of them live in NY, SF or LA. So.

    So Donkey is *not* friends w/ FlapJack, hater of gays. Glad she cleared that up.

    Donkey is not alone in her stupidity. This woman, a guest on The Talk, just referred to New York as “the largest state in the union.” Not the largest state to sign in to law the right to same-sex marriage, which is correct. Dumbass forgot Alaska & those other 28 larger states?

    • This comment of hers really takes the stupid cake. I just kant.

      I can’t imagine even saying this out loud. First, it confirms she has no queer friends. No one with wide queer network of friends and acquaintances would even think of saying this. It’s insane.

    • Perhaps she meant “most populous” and said “largest” instead—that’s not an uncommon slip of the tongue, helped along by the fact that “largest city” is generally used to mean “most populous city,” not “largest city in area.”

      Now, of course, said lady would still be wrong, as both California and Texas are more populous than New York, but I bet that was what she meant.

  3. To paraphrase Stewie from Family Guy: ” Did you hear that Julia? Guys can marry other guys now. So…this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn’t it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over. “

  4. It’s very interesting to me that, as the holder of a political science degree from Georgetown and a former etcetera on Capitol Hill, JA understands none of the nuances of American history, the Civil War, the Constitution, the way state’s rights are privileged ABOVE the 13th Amendment until a national referendum can be achieved, or statesmanship, which our President is entrusted to practice. And by “nuances” I don’t mean “subtleties,” as everything I’ve just named she should have known in elementary school. It boggles.

  5. Wasn’t that “family friend”, the republican she campaigned for, an anti-marriage rights guy?

  6. I went to the parade in New York yesterday. You might be interested to know I spotted former “Non-Society” contributor TJ Kelly on a float for a bar called “Boxers.”

  7. The fundamental issue seems to be that some people still don’t agree that gays are BORN gay, just like black people are born black and blind are born blind. Otherwise all of this would pass easily, right? I know it’s a serious issue but it still makes me laugh to think all those dumbass Old Testament clutching christians think the gays simply chose one day in high school “hey, you know what would be awesome? being a hated-by-many minority. and being called names everywhere i go. and not having as many rights as everyone else.” Anyone who honestly thinks it is a choice has some serious cock thoughts going on in their head that they are stifling FOR THE SAKE OF DECENCY.

    Julia doesn’t give a shit about gays, she just wants more weddings. Weddings for everyone! Even Cats and Dogs! Yay! Maybe you should teach Lilly to tweet with her paws so she is ready when Mr. Meowsers decides to get hitched.

    OT but I found this particularly enraging.
    JuliaAllison: I really wish someone would just sue the S–T out of the Winklevoss twins. Except they would have to actually invent something first.

    I wish someone would just fire the shit out of Julia Allison, except she’d have to actually have a job first.

    • they way she has it in for those winklevii, you’d think she was a member of the zuckerberg family…um, err, oops?

      • Exactly. See comment below. “I am Julia Allison, close personal friend of Randi Zuckerberg! How DARE YOU bring a valid action against Facebook! I am so upset on behalf of Facebook, which is owned by the Zuckerbergs, who did I mention I am friends with??”

        She’s a twat.

      • Okay, hypothetical magic land: If one of the Winklevii were to show an interest in her/try to date her, would she change her tune and alienate the Zucks?

        Hmmm. It is a scary place, trying to imagine staring into the abyss that is Donkey’s mind.

        What do you all think? (I’m crowd sourcing for my opinion, tee hee haw!!)

          • She’d dump Ol’ Randi in a hot minute. Those boys are ivy-ed, handsome, super-rich and waspy…a donkey’s ultimate dream hubby.

        • She would tots date him on the sly, then when he inevitably dumped her ass for being cray, she would tell Randi she was just spying for Randi cuz Randi is so Randi and Randi! Did I mention Randi ZUCKERNERG is my friend? Her dad is a dentist but she never got her snaggleteeth fixed cuz she’s sooooo real and Randi!

    • Ugh, shut the fuck up, asshole. She thinks she’s the Queen of Facebook because she’s been crawling up Randi’s vagina for the all of five minutes.

      The Winklevoss’s had a valid claim or it never would have settled for $65 million. I can’t stand her ass.

      • Speaking of Randi’s vagina, if her birth plan includes a Donkey being present and tweeting the whole thing…. My god.. the lulz.

    • Totally agree; she’d make arranged marriages for seven year-old mandatory as long as it meant more weddings and crappy ass viral videos.

      • I can’t believe she hasn’t latched on to Toddlers and Tiaras and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding yet.

        • I randomly caught Big Fat Gypsy Wedding over the weekend and was actually thinking Julia might like some of those princess bridal/entourage dresses. And would probs skip out on the bill like the gypsies.
          I also couldn’t help but think, speaking of toddlers and tiaras, that there must be some cultural connection between the travelers and those pageants the way the little girls are all tarted up.

          • I think pageants are largely popular in the American south and while there are outposts of Irish Travellers in the south (I grew up next to a large settlement and interacted with them fairly often) they are largely based in Europe. It’s fascinating how they wear provocative clothing/dance provocatively at gatherings, yet many of them have never even been alone with their fiancees before marriage. I watched the UK cut of the series online and the US version leaves quite a bit out about their customs and dating rituals. It really is fascinating. I think with Toddlers and Tiaras, you just have a case of stage mothers gone wrong, all edited for reality TV.

            So. I am so going to try to make this a meme. So. Julia is a flippant, over generalizing bitch. So.

          • Somewhat OT, but does anyone remember a particular Irish Traveler incident caught on camera & shown ad nauseam on the news, the TX woman beating her child in the Kohl’s pkg lot?

            Inside the world of Irish Travelers is a pretty good summary of the branch she came from (notorious thieves in FW).

          • I watched Jerseylicious the other night, I am deeply ashamed to say, and I was really reminded of Donkey with all the horrifying makeup, fake hair and over-the-knee hooker boots on all the Jersey girls. She shouldn’t look down on Snooki so much — she’s almost as cheap and tacky.

        • There’s a whole series on Gypsy Weddings?! I thought it was a special. I feel badly for those young women but I did find it compelling and kind of funny. Seriously, Julia would love those dresses in different context. I’m “black Irish” on my (southern) paternal grandfather side – he looked Sicilian – and now wonder if I have any Romany or traveler in me.

          • Yes! Although I’d encourage you to watch the original UK Channel 4 series online (I think you can watch most on Youtube) before the TLC cut. It seems like they re-edited it quite a bit. It really was fascinating!

          • I don’t have cable at home and am housesitting so I been catching up on all sorts of programming on subcultures ( which is basically what most cable reality programming revolves around). I hadn’t realized tragic River Phoenix grew up in that creepy Children of God cult, for example. Explains the idiosyncratic nature of his siblings….

          • The Travellers are generally Celts, not Picts (sandy-haired, not dark), though some “black Irish” have married in through the years. They aren’t genetically related to the Rrom or Sinti at all, though there are some Roma loanwords in Shelta—that’s probably because of years of the two groups associating, especially around horse racing and breeding. (I almost typed “breading” to which EW.)

          • Sorry for intrusive, mostly irrelevant infodump. I am completely obsessed with the Travellers and will bore people for hours on the topic—I am the kind of nerd who reads anthropology and population genetics studies and linguistics studies for fun, and the Travellers are immensely studied along all of those lines.

          • Haha, I’m geeky about that stuff as well and appreciate the info. I Remwmber the parking lot abuse traveler story from a couple of years back. I’ve been hunkered down polishing my MFA thesis proposal, draft due this afternoon, which deals with subcultures and diaspora, and have appreciated RBNS/RBD especially for escapism and shits and giggles in between pulling my hair out and stressing my my poor dog out.

        • That’s a (somewhat) current fad. I say she discovers these around December.

    • Cyber Bullying: it’s not okay unless the donkey does it.

    • It’s not even about that. Who cares if you’re born gay or straight? You should be able to have a consenting relationship with any damn adult you please.

    • I’m no cyber-bullying expert, but it sounds like Julia Allison is bullying the Winklevoss twins..

  8. I meant to say in the above comment that this is going to be a long, long road, because the wheels of justice (as of the gods) grind slow but exceeding fine. Every victory should be celebrated, but gloating is premature. The men and women with their shoulders to that wheel, who have worked tirelessly for years for this cause and suffered crushing disappointments — it is they who rightfully should be dancing in the streets, alongside the gay community. I’m as sentimental and choked up about this moment as anyone, but sweet creeping jesus. As ever, JA and Rolls Royce Revenge represent the opposite ends of a spectrum. As soon as we reduce a civil rights movement to WEDDINGS, we have also reduced it to big yucks for divorce lawyers. I don’t think it’s too much to ask a self-proclaimed internet enthusiast to just fucking think for a moment.

      • Sorry, RRR said in a previous thread that this was a victory for divorce attorneys. Taken alone that’s an accurate but cynical thing to say; in response to Donkerina it’s dead-on.

    • As soon as we reduce a civil rights movement to WEDDINGS

      Donkerina reduces everything to WEDDINGS, though*. Even marriage isn’t reducible to WEDDINGS, let alone civil rights.

      *Including the Internets.

    • Excellent article!

      I swear, it is almost like these idiots don’t understand politics, don’t understand risk and reward, and do not understand strategic thinking. The vote was going to pass- why would Obama do anything to insert himself into the issue and possibly blow things up?

  9. Julia’s the kind of person who would congratulate two engaged men by saying something like “OMG CONGRATS!! Soooo…which one of you is going to be the bride and which one’s the groom?”

  10. I wonder if/when the poli sci major will process political events on the home front …

    CHICAGO (AP) — Rod Blagojevich, who rode his talkative everyman image to two terms as Illinois governor before scandal made him a national punch line, was convicted Monday of a wide range of corruption charges, including the incendiary allegation that he tried to sell or trade President Barack Obama’s Senate seat.

    • Just like Donk will stare you in the face and lie and lie and make you feel like a asshole for not believing them, I really hope he burns for this. The corruption I could handle, shit it’s practically mandatory to run Chicago. But the hair and the blatant, repeated bald-faced “I’m so fucking smart” LYING over and over is what really irks me.
      //end rant

    • Haha, she could not give less of a shit about this. Unless she’s trying to sound Thuper Thmart for the latest piece of husbandmeat.

      • Donkey will only have an interest in this huge news story if she can find some Blago wedding pictures to post on her shitcast. OMG WEDDING! They had a wedding!!! Within minutes of Gabrielle Giffords being shot, Julia announced the horrible news by posting a wedding picture of Giffords and her husband, saying that Giffords was dead. The media corrected that erroneous information, but Julia didn’t bother changing it on her blog until that evening. The important thing to her was not being accurate and sensitive; no, the important thing was that she had the wedding picture up there.

        • And not just any wedding but an OMG NAVAL wedding with a groom in uniform and everything! It could have been meeeeeee!

  11. Someone tells her in her comments:
    Now get out there and snag yourself a cowboy!</b. 😉

    Yeah, Donkey … a caboy can handle him some livestock … yee hee haw!

  12. As a current Hill staffer and a Republican (pro-gay marriage, however), I have to say, Baughles up there is an embarrassment to me and marble hall walkers everywhere. Anytime my friend in Kirk’s office gives me crap about working for a House member instead of a Senator, I just remind him that his boss hired Julia Allison…and I automatically win.

    Breaking out the employment of the Donkey is like busting out the nuclear option to break a filibuster. It’s a last, but effective, parliamentary resort. It also leaves the chamber smelling like pelts and cupcakes. They don’t make a Febreeze strong enough for that.

    • As a current Hill staff and pro-same sex marriage Republican, I mean, not as someone who knows someone in Kirk’s office, although you are welcome to do both. I would be interested in your opinions on a variety issues JA garbles and bleet-bleets.

      • Also Belle should please to comment more as someone with a fantastic way with a phrase (not that we have any shortage of same around here, but the more the merrier—my pants won’t pee themselves, bunnies!)

        • Belle has provided an invaluable resource to me as a fellow staffer. Bipartisan love and gratitude to you from a former flip flop wearer.

          • I see you read my blog, and you learn from it…I AM GETTING THROUGH!

            Sorry, I sometimes see interns in tight micro minis and cowboy boots and think it’s all for nothing.

    • It also leaves the chamber smelling like pelts and cupcakes. They don’t make a Febreeze strong enough for that.

      <3 , <3 , a thousand times <3!

    • This might not be the place for it, but I find it sort of sad and baffling that Republicans have to qualify being ‘pro gay marriage.’ I mean, I’m kind of the furthest thing from a Republican, but being in favor of individual rights is supposed to be part of the entire party foundation, right? Realistically speaking, Repubs should have to qualify the OPPOSITE, that they are anti gay marriage, because that, to my understanding, would be the logical conclusion to following party dogma.

      Of course, we all know that logic and practice do not usually go hand in hand. It is just something my puny liberal brain has never been able to reconcile. (See also: reproductive rights.)

      • You’ve got it all wrong. Think of anything good & decent. Then think opposite of it, and you’ve got a Republican mindset

        • What an ignorant and asinine thing to say. The abject hatred on RBD of all Republicans is so over the top.

        • Well, I was trying to emphasize the ‘dogmatic’ element for a reason. Also, I don’t want to offend any Repubs in our midst because I know there are some, and they clearly are tiny + cute and undeserving of any ire.

          Like I said, I’m about as left as it gets, and trying to leave the ‘practice’ of the GOP out of the ‘platform’ discussion. My original question/gripe still stands that it is kind of bullshit that a party that says it is based on individual freedoms/small government has people who have to qualify that they are ‘pro gay marriage’ Repubs, when the THEORY (again, not the practice) should make that the norm. I just baughers my mind.

          Again, biting my tongue on the lashing I would normally issue on such matters (you know, like hypocrisy and contradiction of alleged position by many party members) because I am more trying to empathize with how people in a party that purports to be about individual rights have to state themselves up-front as not bigoted assholes because the practice of others has so distorted the alleged foundations of the party.

          I’m trying to be good/nice!

          • It’s because there is actually a fundamental ideological difference between the liberal/conservative distinction and the Democrat/Republican distinction. If you boil entire platforms down to one defining feature, the defining difference between D/R ideologies is the distinction between big government/small government that you’re referring to, in which case your argument is 100% correct. There is no reason why a platform that stresses that the government should stay out of personal lives should ever have “assumed” positions that legislate marriage and reproductive restrictions. However, the defining difference between liberal/conservative ideologies is a focus on equality vs. a focus on order and stability. Liberals see society as inherently improvable and the world as fundamentally good, and seek ways that society can constantly be improved – thus a focus on promoting egalitarianism (marriage rights, etc.) Conservatives see society as inherently hierarchical and the world as fundamentally unstable, and seek ways that society can be stabilized and made consistent and understandable to the greatest degree possible – thus a focus on dogmatic, black/white thinking and adherence to conventional social norms. Granted, of course NOT ALL liberals are this way, and NOT ALL conservatives are this way. This is, however, the fundamental difference between the “liberal” view and the “conservative” view – equality vs. stability. Liberals are OK with complications and chaos if it means society is striving for equality and “fairness”; Conservatives are OK with inequality (in theory; please don’t get mad at me, conservatives) because they recognize that society is always going to be inherently hierarchical and life will never be totally fair, so they seek to make things as ordered and safe/stable/understandable as possible (which is why fear is a very, very effective tactic for conservatives in particular).

            I hope this makes sense; I haven’t had my coffee yet and I’m too tired to go back and proofread for the run-on sentences I’m sure are up there. I happen to be liberal, but I also understand where conservatives are “coming from” (though I don’t agree with it). It’s a shame that Republican has become so tied to “conservative” and that Democrat has become so tied to “liberal,” especially since you’re right – there is plenty of room in political thought for a person who wants the government to have minimal interference in everything, including marital and reproductive rights (which is why Libertarianism, in theory, is appealing to many).

          • @Side of Pancakes:

            The More You Know (shooting star graphic)

            But seriously – that was a great explanation.

          • Thank you, Boomerang Slam!

            Sorry for the tl;dr, but this is what happens when you just spent the past few days reading up on political psychology for your qualifying exams… information diarrhea wherever you see a possible outlet.

      • because the party sold its soul to the rightwing fundamentalist christian lunatics, for the votes, and has been driven off the cliff in the process

        • We didn’t so much sell it, as we lost it in a bet. Basically, our original principles got lost in the 70s when the only young people interested in our party in a post-Nixon world were crazy uptight, anti-feminist, anti-hippie freaks and geeks who wanted a party that they could mold in their image. By the time young people (like myself) looked at the part platform and thought…wait, we’re off course here…the core primary voting bloc was these nut jobs.

          Believe me, every time someone calls to talk about fetus-heartbeat bills or how the geighs are taking over the world, I die a little inside. Then I remember that I just have to outlive them and teach all the little baby Repubs the true path. The GOP should be back on track by 2076, give or take five years.

      • This might not be the place for it, but I find it sort of sad and baffling that Republicans have to qualify being ‘pro gay marriage.’

        Yes. It must suck for many Republicans that Christianist elements insisted on inserting anti-marriage equality language in the party’s platform.

        • That is not snark, but seriousness. Most of the people I know who are lifelong Republicans are really angry that the party bigwigs are so accommodating of the Christianist minority.

          • The hardest thing is to be an evangelical (little e) Christian and a Republican but know that the hate their spewing is wrong. But until the moderates get off their asses and vote in the primaries and donate early, this is what we’re stuck with.

  13. Wait, let me get this right. She made an ass of herself on Twitter, showed exactly how much she doesn’t know then backtracked with a mildly snide comment to her followers and we’re surprised?

    *shakes head* We have learned nothing.

  14. But she has more important things to think about than DOMA and the American tradition of hiding discrimination behind the flag of states’ rights!

    “Look, here’s my pink bike! It has a special name! And it’s PINK! Here’s another photo!”
    “OMG Princess Kate! I love her! Doesn’t she LOOK LIKE A PRINCESS!?! I want her clothes and her face and her body and her husband!”
    “Here’s some word vomit from Ralph Marston that inspired me for 20 seconds!”
    “OMG Oscar de la Renta! Love love love. He’s not old and over the hill at all! I know he will lend me a gown when he finds out I’m a star!”
    “Look at this leaping couple! They are getting OMG MARRIED! Over 100+ people know or care who they are, and I am one of them!”
    “My grandmother used to be a little girl! Can you BELIEVE? Now she’s the oldest everywhere she goes, just like me at parties in NY!”

    • Those pictures she posted of KateMid finally sold me on the ‘too skinny’ thing. Her legs look unhealthily twig-like. It gave me a sadz.

    • This is genius, SS. Hard to pick a favorite “translation.” I’m torn between the pink bike natter and the Ralph Marston word vomit, but I’m going with Marston because of the oh-so-true coup de grace: “that inspired me for 20 seconds!”

      But then I really like what you did with “Over 100+ people,” so I could go with that, too; or mayhap the final blow, “Now she’s the oldest everywhere she goes, just like me at parties in NY!”

      Such an embarrassment of riches.

      • Ah! I missed the ‘over 100+’! That was a good meme. We should try and bring it back. So.

        Also, SacScrap we miss you over in the ribbns.

  15. Ugh! Sheesh went to ABT’s “Swan Lake” dress rehearsal and acted a damn fool, taking pictures while the dancers were performing which is a strict no-no. These idiots, you can’t take them anywhere.

  16. “Riding my bike, Pink Pedal, to Session 3 with Pierce the Trainer @BodyFitLab! Can’t wait to get that lactic acid flowing ;)”

    Since when do putting on a Lululemon outfit, doing faux-ga poses, catching up on rbd comments, and drinking a giant juice lead to lactic acid fermentation? I guess that’s what the winking face was for.

  17. hey cat lady h8rz!
    I finallllllly put 2 and 2 together down here in my mom’s basement and realized that one of my clients is very close with a certain digg founder. So i picked his brain over drinks the other night. He said the same thing everyone says..she’s pitiful in real life. she’s obnoxious, but you just feel bad for her etc etc. he DID say that (redacted digg founder) tried to hook him up with the donkey after he was done with her, and he saw the crazy and said NO BRAY. (no way)

    Anyway, just a little tidbit to get you through the long night of coughing up furballs and being jealous of those tiny and cute media personalities!
    love you guys xoxo

    • I have a social acquaintance who was on the ground-floor of the digg founding, and when I finally got up the nerve to ask about Donks, he was mostly just completely amused I even knew who Donkey WAS. His report was basic: she was annoying in person, everyone kind of side-eyed the association, and KR kept the whole thing very quiet, as though he were ashamed, and denied dating her.

      Shocking, right?

      • i wonder if we know the same person…this guy was also really amused that i knew her..but i quickly corrected him and told him i just know of her. INfamous, not famous.

        • Doubt it. I don’t think this guy has fuck-you money. Just your standard techie bicycle hipster. I might be wrong about the fuck-you money, I just don’t peg him as the type.

          He also called her, “A climber.”

    • When he says people feel bad for her, what does he mean? I’m genuinely curious!

      • That question is for @authenticity costume. (That theme keeps coming up and I never understand why people feel bad for her.)

        • Just to give my opinion based on knowing those people:

          She puts on this act that she is just so nice and trying so hard! And half the people hate her upon spending a few minutes with her. So then some people had the view that she is getting all of this hate but that she is “kind of harmless and trying to be friendly.” Its sometimes easy to fall into that – when someone says that they really hate someone without knowing them very well its easy to push back a little and say well, they don’t seem SO bad. This changes when her true colors show and she screws someone over. Thats why she has friends that seem to later drop off the face of the earth.

          (Not to take over the question – but just thought I would chime in)

          • The sad thing is, no one should have to try so hard to be liked. And yet, she’s clearly not trying hard enough if her true colors so quickly show through.

          • Even Loren couldn’t bring himself to hate on her in person, and he was someone who had dedicated quite a bit of time to JA/NS snarking.

            My theory: when people see her clown makeup, bobby pinned pelts, pageant toddler outfits, and ridiculous affectations in person, they start to seriously consider that she may, in fact, be mentally disabled and not merely a vain asshole.

        • I can’t speak for that person, but I often feel bad for people who are sincere tryhards, especially when I feel like they’re aspiring to statuses I myself kind of lucked into, so I try to help them out.

          And then every now and then I get burned by someone like The Donk.

        • i think boomerang nailed it…it’s her whole “i’m RETARDEDLY nice” thing. that and the parading of the ‘mean h8rz.’

      • a real client with real fuck you money!

        cheetos?? oh you fancy down in this basement, huh??

  18. Dear Social Studies : My Grandfather is dying in a hospice. How can I get him to use Twitter to let me know when he’s dead?

    • Let’s be honest: what Donkey really wants is for Gramps’ lawyer to Twitter her the date and time of the will reading.

      • Yep. Because even though @JuliasMom has her own twitter acct, Mom$er is especially busy right now, what w/ taking care of her dying dad & walking @LillyDog, who Donkey dumped on her …

        • Please tell me she didn’t actually dump the dog on her mom right now. Please.

          • ::shrug:: My money’s on it.

            Donkey posted a (June 9th) fauxto of Lilly w/ a new leash (isn’t that when she was in Palm Springs for the braylorette party?) & has since only posted another uncaptioned fauxto (June 22nd) of Lilly that Mom$er probably emailed to her from CA.

          • Someone in chat pointed out that the exif data on the uncaptioned photo would indicate a different camera from Julia’s typical iphone snaps. Perhaps someone can explain more/draw better conclusions, but I think the person who pointed it out said exif info was consistent with the pictures momser’s had sent around the same time.

          • Aaaaand she just posted another Lilly [sic] pic. I can’t bear to check the exif data.

          • nothing informative in latest lilly pic, she must have scrubbed it.

          • I just checked the June 22nd one and it strangely has one piece of exif data, which is not in line with a typical donk iphone pic, which either has NOTHING or everything, including GPS coordinates when she wants people to know where she was (for example, the recent Pink Pedal bike shots). So in my unprofessional opinion the most recent Lilly pic wasn’t taken by the iPhone.

            Not that I am into this shit or anything.

            My money is on Donkey leaving Lilly with Mom to take care of because who the fuck else is going to? She probably rationalizes it as “Yeah, her dad is dying, she needs a friend right now..”

            Here’s another interesting factoid: Those pics of Donkey’s mom on her wedding day were taken last year and only now trotted out.

          • I was saying in chat yesterday that she has started taking our outraged questions as requests from her fans. (Thus, the word requestions was born.)

            “Where the hell is Lilly?”
            Presto: picture of Lilly.

            “I wonder how momsers feels about being ditched for dick while gramps is dying?”
            Presto: screen shot of mom gushing about how much it meant to see Julia.

            “Does she ever post any fawning pictures of Chicago like she does in New York?”
            Presto: picture of bike in front of lake.

            I think in her brain we are actually having a dialogue with her in some way. She isn’t even doing it to backtrack anymore — she is doing it to give the fans what they want.

            Yoooohoooo, JULIA, JULIA! I want to see a picture of you holding Lilly and a copy of today’s newspaper! (Someone requestioned this the other day, but was ignored. *sadcheeks*) Also, rainbow toenails for gay-pride, since you love the gays so much. winky winky!

          • So… Fucking… Predictable…
            Dance, Donkey, DANCE!

            Now dance faster!

            D O N K E Y !!

  19. I’m sorry, but I just have to get this out of my brain so I can focus on on my job.


    “Dear Julia: I’ve moved in with my fiancé and, in the past few months, I’ve noticed him receiving unusual texts on his cell, locking his computer, etc. The whole Weinergate situation, coupled with the news that Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a love child, added to the Tiger Woods nonsense of last year, has made me even more neurotic. I’m no Sherlock Holmes but I know there are ways to find things out online. Any tips for me? I’d like to nose around ethically, if possible.
    — E-Snoop Dogg ”

    Babe, I make like 2% of your desired husband’s salary and there is no fucking way I’m handing off my passwords to anyone, ever. You are out of your god damn mind. Anyone who forks over their email password to someone deserves whatever they get.

    THIS IS WHY YOU AREN’T MARRIED! Obsessing about being cheated on is sooooo fucking unattractive. Maybe if you weren’t such an intolerable cunt men wouldn’t be constantly OBO’ing your ass.

    Stages of a Donkey relationship:
    1) Full court Titties press and flirty tweets
    2) Lotsa loud sex
    3) She starts demanding passwords, a list of all your ex-gfs, your tux size, and assets.
    4) You catch her installing keyloggers, emailing your ex’s, and planning your wedding
    5) You make up some shit about how you just don’t have enough time to love her as much as she needs. Whatever will keep her from stalking you FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
    6) Change all your passwords.
    7) Regret it for the rest of your life.

    Ok I feel better. Julia, you ain’t ever getting married. It’s not just the obsessing, it’s the fact you have nothing going on “up there” except a looping animated gif of you eating cupcakes in a pile of money. What do you offer any male? Seriously, what.

    • Sooooo it’s a whole column about getting your grandparents online, except she can’t even take the time to get granny moneybags online? You know, that’s probably a wise decision, because all of her advice (“Always use the same password”, set up accounts with FULL NAME, spam their email everywhere) will lead the person to 419 scam hell and she’d inherit nothing. Better to just keep her isolated in a world where the microwave is a scary newfangled invention, right?

      Hey how’s your grandpa doin? Oh, he’s not on facebook updating his status with “Barely Breathing”? Yeah, I guess you’ll never know.

    • pretty much worst advice ever. identical passwords are a major no-no, even though i get the point of simplifying the process for grandma.
      frankly, i don’t see the point in trying to get your grandparents online. younger people are more adaptable, they can make the effort to phone their grandparents, not make the old folks contort themselves into jumping through hoops to learn gmail.
      and, typically with julia, do as i say don’t do as i do: i’m sure she’s gone through these 10 incredibly tedious steps to set her granny up online…right….right? julia spent countless weekends ripping granny’s old vinyl to mp3s, because she’s selfless and good, right?

      • I know. Not every grandma needs a flickr and gmail account, you tool.

        My grandpa is not the most computer savvy person in the world, but he’s figured it out enough to suit his needs and make him happy. He has email through this service provider and figured out scanning so he could scan and archive thousands of family photos. He doesn’t need to upload them to a damn flickr account.

        And she doesn’t even touch on the popularity of computers/ internet for genealogy research for the olds!

      • She’s such an asshole. They’re old, not fucking retarded. One of my biggest pet peeve are people who infantilize the elderly. Considering Julie Albertson already looks like she’s 45, she should really know better.

      • My 84 year old Grandma uses email, gchat, youtube, and pretty much everything else I use. She decided to adapt because she’s a smart woman who wanted to understand what her grandkids were up to. I think she could give a condescending donk a lesson in the wonders of google.

        • There’s a school district in North TX that has embraced technology & the woman who teaches their teachers to implement the tools they provide, (electronic chalkboards in classrooms; notebooks for all the students; FB pages for certain study groups; etc.) into their teaching curriculum is a grandmother of four.

          Donkey is an ignorant, blithering, braying ass.

    • My 85-year-old father-in-law and my husband’s 89-year-old uncle are so much more tech-savvy than Donkerina it’s ridiculous.

      Also, way to condescend to your core audience, Joolzballz. You know this is her attempt to respond to TMS’s “you can’t keep writing about weddings forever” with something targeting the senior-citizen newspaper readership, but the best she could do is this shit (with the inevitable personal score-settling thrown in).

    • “Any tips for goading them into the 21st century?”

      Only theDonkey-est of all Donkey assholes would GOAD someone into doing something. Goad: Provoke or annoy (someone) so as to stimulate some action or reaction.

      She just can’t help but reveal her cuntitude.

  20. Jeez it’s so quiet you could hear a mouse fart. Well I know how to stir the pot round these parts.

    I was perusing donk’s comment feed and found her engaged in a heated debate about eating disorders because she posted a picture of a skeletonized miss USA which she fawned over (“Fridge photos!”). People called her out and said “How dare you say that is healthy” and she quickly backtracked and said she regrets posting them at all. Kind of interesting she admits to a sweets addiction (I CANNOT CONTROL SUGAR THEREFORE BAN IT) and having an ED in college. (but not now bunnies!) It doesn’t take a doctor to look at her recent pictures and her obsession with exercise to make a diagnosis of a serious bulimia flare-up. That said, I do hope she confronts it. Bah, who am I kidding. Her own mother would let her starve herself till she passed out.

    by juliaallison
    I wasn’t saying they [her ribs] show all the time – I was saying they have shown in the past, and it has nothing to do with anything other than I just that I don’t store fat around my ribcage. Oh, who cares, anyway? It’s all so silly. If someone’s ribs show or if they don’t … Who cares? I just want to be healthy and in shape and get my sweets addiction under control! This photo was just supposed to be some inspiration. Nothing more!

    by juliaallison
    Oh lord my eating disorder is not even close to coming back. I haven’t had trouble with it since senior year in college …

    • Who cares! Don’t take my totally ana thinspiration so seriously! Just joking! LOL!

      Didn’t she recently promise some kind of write up about her diet and how she recently lost 10 pounds? Can’t wait to read that disordered drivel.

      • Actually she said that information will be available on a Whole! New! Site! she’s got in the queue.

    • That’s one of the few posts I read and I got a different takeaway than you did.
      I felt that she ‘regretted’ the post because of the shitstorm of neg comments, not because she’d changed her mind about it.

      And obsession with exercise? For five minutes a couple of times a year perhaps.

    • Except for the laxative abuse /”cleansing”, maybe. And the eating-nothing-but-sugar. And the eating wheat when you have Ceiling Cat. Yeah, nothing to see here, eating-disorder-wise, Donk; you’re good.

      • Sorry, this makes me so fucking angry—my own fairly recent diagnosis of Ceiling Cat is really bringing all my pent-up stress about eating disorders to the surface, as it is really challenging for me to find a way to journal my food and avoid potentially health-injuring foods without slipping back into a fullblown anorexic spiral.

        Yeah, I know. First world problems! 😉

        • Aww Albie.. we’re all here for you. You are a inspiring person and have been doing so great, I am confident you will face down your demons and I only know you from your posts. Come in chat anytime you need to talk! All we bitch about are first world problems like being too lazy to go to 7-11 and buy more franzia so you will feel right at home. 🙂

        • Albie, this matters. You are a person in a particular state of vulnerability, and if we can help let us help?

        • Thanks, Get a fucking life and HBSWH. The supportive feedback means a lot. Ordinarily I can just never the Donkey but she is pushing my buttons a bit right now…

    • >>I just want to be healthy and in shape and get my sweets addiction under control! This photo was just supposed to be some inspiration. Nothing more!<<


      That's the POINT. It's NOT inspiration. It is NOT what an in-shape AND healthy body looks like.

      Again, Julia overcomplicates everything, makes everything unattainable, and so nothing happens. Just my opinion – Julia has a body many women would like (and men would find attractive) and a for her small steps will make a good thing better.

  21. Sure, Donkey, suuurrre

    JuliaAllison: “Every mistake is a gift.” – my improv teacher at Second City, gettin all deep | 12:20 p.m. | ::tweeleted::

    JuliaAllison: “Every mistake is a gift.” – my improv teacher at Second City, gettin’ all deep and practical on us. | 12:20 p.m. | ::tweeleted::

    JuliaAllison: “There are no mistakes. There are only gifts!” – my improv teacher at Second City, gettin’ all deep and practical on us. | 2:19 p.m.

  22. OT–but my tiny & cute & Harvard partner of 8 years, casually mentioned that he sat next to OMGKim Kardashian and Vera Wang being filmed at a fancy UES Italian lunchie place. When worlds collide! I was mildly surprised he knew who she was—I can’t stand the KK shit-show, but you cannot avoid it these days. Weddings! KK! Vera Wanger!

  23. She’s awfully quiet at the moment. She must be up to something. Coming up with a revenue stream, derived from her loyal audience?


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