That Was Two Years Ago! Feel Free To Relax!

Nothing to see here, political family! Julia Allison was really trying to infer that some dude she suggestively ate marshmallows with one time was the true inspiration for Julia Allison’s column, “Social Studies,” which is distributed by Tribune Media Services.

Latest @SocialStudies column on e-cheating, inspired by Weinergate & my ex Toph, whose “other girlfriend” found out ab me through Twitter!

What did the column have to do with someone who was decidedly not Julia Allison’s boyfriend, according to. . . um. . . SAID “BOYFRIEND”? Nothing , really. The question was about Facebook relationship statuses. She just had to get an unrelated mention of this horrible injustice for absolutely no reason, because her “Social Studies” column is actually a weekly study on how Julia Allison consistently misinterprets her relationships in order to absolve herself from deserved blame.

DEAR JULIA: My boyfriend wants to keep his relationship status a secret on Facebook. He insists that it’s because he’s “a private person.” Is this a sign he’s cheating? — Freaked Out

DEAR FREAKED: Um . . . it’s not a good sign, that’s for sure. The Wall Street Journal cited a study pointing to the increase in unfaithful behavior among the younger generation, explaining that “infidelity in most instances is simply a matter of opportunity.”

What increases opportunity more than social media? You’re interacting with a wide variety of potential partners, partners who may or may not know about your relationship status (even if he doesn’t select “it’s complicated”).

I used to buy into guys who waxed poetic about “remaining private,” by hiding their relationship status and not allowing you to tag them in photos. That is, until I dated a guy who insisted on it, and four months down the line, got contacted by — yep — his other girlfriend. How had she found me? By checking my Twitter stream! Zing.

Wow! What a horrific work of staggering cuntitude! Need I remind you that Julia Allison was never actually Toph Eggers’ girlfriend? Rather she was the other woman in this situation. And really, there was absolutely no reason to be as butthurt about it as she was, even less reason now that it was two years ago, and no one else is allowed to remember shitty things Julia Allison did to people two years ago. There is a statute of limitations on cunty behavior. Dadsers says so.

I find it funny that Miss Libel! Slander! Defamation! is perpetuating potentially harmful stories to her 2 column readers and 24,000 Twitter followers, 2,248 of whom are actually people. You might remember Julia Allison misinterpreting the defamation lawsuit involving Courtney Love and some designer Courtney didn’t love. While Julia Allison, who apparently didn’t actually read the article she linked to, identified with the case because she had thought Courtney love had won, what actually happened in that situation was the designer sued Courtney for criticizing her designs to over a million Twitter followers. Given legal precedent, one would think that Julia Allison wouldn’t bully poor Toph Eggers by portraying him as a cheater to her thousands of Twitter followers. Is she really that fucked up in the head to casually soil his character two years after the fact?

And what’s hilarious is that the tweet she sent out is in response to the fact that she never reads here. Oh, no Cindy, that article wasn’t about your son! (It was.) I have no idea what you are talking about. So transparent this one. Way to throw some rando under the bus to hide the fact that you are a stupid bitch.

Oh, and if you seriously think a relationship is invalid until it is proclaimed on Facebook, I’d suggest you take an intensive class on how to be less retarded.

213 COMMENTS

  1. Yes, Donkey. No one ever cheated before Twitter and facebook. Mark Zuckerberg LITERALLY invented infidelity. This is almost as dumb as “people had no way to express their creativity before the internet” (paraphrasing as I don’t recall exactly).

    And what in the name of Jesus Rollerblading Christ is she wearing in that picture? Is she a harem girl? When and where was that taken? My god. The tacky. It’s so overwhelming. My Canklehausen is flaring up.

  2. Also don’t see how this was defamatory given didn’t he pretty much acknowledge that he was two timing both of them? Truth is an absolute defense bla bla bla. Not that I take her side but.

    • Eh, I know, but it’s more about that, with Julia’s cyberbullying campaign and legal threats, she’s really painted herself into a corner about talking shit about anyone on the internet anywhere.

    • Actually, he denied he was with that other girl. The girl told Julia he was playing both of them. Either way, is she 12? This is supposed to be a professional job, not a way to settle old scores.

      She is ridiculous.

      • Oh I know she is. But I thought he had admitted he was dating the other girl.

        And I appreciate JP’s point that the Queen of “Leave me alone! Stop bullying me!” is rehashing shit that is retarded old and stale by now.

  3. juliaallison: Me: “What date do you think we’re on?” Waiter: “Third.” Me: “No! First!” Waiter: “The chemistry’s there.” Date: “But it’s 80-20.” bwa haha

    juliaallison: My date, Code Name TK, thinks I’m wearing a “wedding dress.” I am not.

    juliaallison: I’m handing over my Twitter to my date, Code Name TK, for some ineffable rambunctious effervescent guest twittering. (No pressure, dude!)

    juliaallison: “I kissed her. It was electric like prince circa 1987.” – Code Name TK

    • juliaallison: “Twitter might be starting to bore me. 🙁 ” – text from @CodeNameTK. Lame. Let’s flood him with @ pleas to stick it out, like a MAN!!

      juliaallison: Mr @CodeNameTK just dropped me at LAX for my redeye home to NYC. He fake cried the whole way. My man’s all about FEELINGS. And FEELING THEM.

      juliaallison: Wheels down in NYC. I’ve been snifling & sneezing (very unlike me). I think @CodeNameTK sent me home with a parting gift of swine flu.

      juliaallison: So here’s the update: I talked to @codenametk & I talked to the girl. They have different stories, but – oddly – I believe both. So …

      juliaallison: I’m never going to really know what happened, so … it is what it is. I’ve ended it and I want to move on.

      this was followed by a bunch of drunken tweets and declarations of love, and apparently the deflowering of a harvard freshman in a car (?)
      juliaallison: Seriously I finally understand why people drink this alcohol.

    • God. I hate people who ask stupid questions to waitstaff. “What date do you think we are on?” is as bad as “How old do you think I am?”

      The server does not want to play 20 fucking questions with you. It is such an uncomfortable position to be in. Responding almost always requires a lie, too.

      Fuck. She WOULD be one of those people who tries to play cute with all waitstaff. I bet she is the kind of person who ‘jokes’ about the tip, too. Ugh.

  4. I can’t take my eyes off that wonk eye of hers. (silently screams)

  5. Why did this remind me of our donkey?

    [img]http://dlisted.com/2011/06/22/caption-contest-june-22nd[/img]

  6. [img]http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-haters-gonna-hate.jpg[/img]

  7. I admit it.

    I finally joined Facebook. I maintain a page for a non-profit board.

    I now have 500,000,000 friends.

    As of today, here’s what was running through their empty scary plastic heads:

    5% Everything sucks we’re all doomed here’s some links to political blogs proving why we’re all fucked doom gloom jump off a bridge
    35% My life is perfect! Work is so much fun! My relationship is swell! I adore this! I love that! Like like like likey mclike! Ooh! I just shat a rainbow!
    15% Here is some hideously complex project I am working on concerning something you never heard of and the thought of which is invariably unappealing at best
    10% I just ate this! (picture of thing they just ate)
    25% Messages from cats who evidently have poor spell-check function operating abilities
    5% New babies drooling/pissing/shitting/vomiting on one or more parent
    5% People I worked hard to forget exist working even harder to remind me that they do

    And that “it’s complicated” category for relationship status?

    I think it has edged “the bombing of Nagasaki” off my radar of “Reasons Why I Hate the Human Race.”

    As for “tagging” me in photos, I have been up three solid nights a row untagging and sending death threats.

    Remind me how anybody ever thought this puddle of cockroach jizz was a good idea.

    • I desperately want to delete my page, but I have to keep it open because I am an administrator for my job’s page.

      • So I’m guessing you’re part of the 15% “Here is some hideously complex project I am working on concerning something you never heard of and the thought of which is invariably unappealing at best?”

        Me too.

        • I don’t really update any more. Just comment on other people’s posts. I would say 75% of my “friends” are at this point hidden from my feed.

        • An actual real-life friend of mine posted the following about his Facebook:

          “40% – Inane and nonessential information. Examples
          -“Just came back from the grocery store. Carrots look delicious”
          -“I should do something about the leak in the kitchen sink”
          -“Monday…”

          40% – Completely clueless posts, to the point where any attempt of reconciliation with reality is futile. Examples
          -“You know what man, it’s the masons. They control the ECB and Washington dude!!”
          -“I’m telling you, if everyone doesn’t start sorting out it’s garbage appropriately, global warming will end the world before our kids are born”
          -“Hey man, why didn’t you added yourself to the group that is sending 5 cents per new member to the victims of the Tsunami in Japan? You gotta support the cause mate, the cause!”

          Of the remaining 20%, there is one particular group which i find quite funny. It is composed of people who, apparently, just became aware of the internet. They tend to post things like
          -The fat kid pretending to be a bad jedi with a broom (or whatever that’s called)
          -The youtube video of darth vader in the canteen of his spaceship

          I very, very rarely post anything, but i used to reply to this last group with things like “That’s gold, pure gold. Where do you come up with stuff like that. You’re a funny, funny man, i tell you”
          After a few times, i noticed they didn’t get the irony and i stopped.”

        • This is awesome. I spend way too much time on FB, so it makes it awesomer. And I am the lazy activist.

        • These 3 images juliaspublicist posted are half the reason I deleted my own Facebook account about a month ago. I really don’t miss it. 🙂

          • welcome to the club, I didn’t delete, I just removed everything but the bare bones and never use the thing. It has a link to my real email for anyone who wants to give me a shout out. FB is mostly a mindsuck, I’m glad it’s not really useful or necessary for my field of work.

        • Beautiful.

          I love it because I like seeing photos of other people’s kids. I am apparently The Lazy Godmother. Still, I don’t deny the accuracy of the above.

  8. The Codename TK remix has me feeling for the primary girl he dicked around on. Can you imagine if your boycat was a cheater and his side dish of preference was pickled Donkey? I’d be more offended by the implied association than anything else.

    • I’ve found that guys usually cheat with people who are grosser and easier than the girl they’re with. Poor chick all the same, though. Julia is especially gross. And easy.

  9. OT but can I just say that JP and Jacy have been on fire this week? Every post is funnier than the last.

  10. I don’t know why this didn’t occur to me earlier, but I just realized she has zero ability to contextualize anything. No matter what she writes, she uses the same tone, voice, language, etc. It could be a corporate report and she’d still be inserting inappropriate personal stories into the mix.

    This further solidifies my belief that there is something cognitively wrong with her, maybe a learning disability (which would explain her lack of reading comprehension skills) or something on the autism spectrum (which would explain her obsession with the sorts of things right-year-old girls love), though I suppose you have to add narcissism into the mix to get a full explanation as to why she’s such a clueless idiot.

    • there is a young woman at my temple who is on the autism spectrum; not tiny and cute though

      she grabs onto you and goes on and on and on about whatever she is on about; like a toddler, but she’s 25

      her parents look tired

    • I don’t think she has anything wrong with her but privilege and laziness, and maybe a dash of good ol’ fashioned native idiocy.

      • If Julia were autistic she’d milk it. He’ll, autism is the hot topic of two years ago so she should be feigning it soon.

        • If she knew about it, I’m sure she would. But I suspect there are people on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum who would never know it… and if you add in her probably NPD, she wouldn’t even be aware that she has a problem interacting with the world at large.

          • This seems like an awfully complicated theory for why someone acts like an oblivious idiot. How could we ever really know? What difference would diagnosis make, if it’s so subtle and resistant to perception? It’s like Schrödinger’s Dingbat.

    • I used to be somewhat like this, and it definitely used to handicap me slightly in social situations. At the time I didn’t really care…I figured that people were getting the real, uncensored me and if they couldn’t handle that they weren’t cool anyway. Then I grew up. Note that this probably happened somewhere around age 23 (which is still embarrassingly late), and I’m 30 now.

      • I applaud you for figuring that out so early! I know quite a few people my own age (mid-40s) who don’t get it and think that people just hate them because they’re jealous of their ability to KEEP IT REAL.

  11. @billtseng – ha! No, actually, it’s Code Name TK, (first date in LA 2 wks ago), but we’ve been Facebook messaging for 3 years. Literally.

    Yes, FB messaging for 3 years, all the way back to 2006, but of course she didn’t know he had a girlfriend. Because if there’s one thing Julia is slow about, it’s finding out if a guy is attached.

    • Heya, SS! Haven’t seen ya around in ages … 🙂

      So what was the date of that, does it jive with
      her claim to have dated him for four months?

      • she was basically braying about him on her twatter from august-early october. not four months. but then again, technically, she could claim they dated for THREE YEARS, since they facebook chatted and all.

        • Thanks! It was going on when I started following RBNS (I’m remembering some horrid plate of cheese covered cheese that she posted from a meal they had? Something like that) & knowing her hx of lying, I doubted the four month claim.

        • The braying about him was EPIC. It was so good when it came crashing down because it made the endless braying that much funnier. Remember that “Expectations exceeded” post? I think that was on her blergh, not Twatter.

  12. If you needed any proof that she writes these questions herself, just look at the wording. “Keep his relationship status a secret.” No one would say that, if you were going to write in with a question about Facebook, wouldn’t you use the terminology of the medium and say “Doesn’t want to change his relationship status?”

    She’s so fucking transparent, I can see her cold black heart and that cupcake she has for a brain without using an X-ray.

  13. I love you people!* <3 I've been stressed out non-stop for the past few weeks, and the posts/comments here never fail to make me smile/ROFL.

    *CATLAYDEEEZZZ!

  14. JP your posts have totally hit a neve, she is utterly re-writing history now.

    “And I’m tired of it! I think partly that’s because of the way I choose men to date. I’ve said publicly for years that I only have one real criterion when it comes to dating: Is he fascinating?

    As a consequence, I’ve been blessed (and cursed, LOL) with some of the most fascinating men I could ever hope to know … but they aren’t ideal long term partners.

    That’s okay, though. I don’t regret any of my mini-lationships. They’ve opened up my mind and showed me worlds I could never imagine otherwise.

    I will say this, for the record. I do think Jack and I broke up too soon. We panicked when we saw the future, but I wish we had stuck it out for a little longer … six months just wasn’t enough time with that sweet boy. I know everything happens at the “right” time for a reason, but I still miss him every day (even when I talk with him, which I do on occasion, although far more rarely than the 20x a day we were texting and talking while we dated).”

    Oh dear god. but they aren’t ideal long term partners..

    No Donkey. perhaps it is you who is not an ideal long-term partner. It’s not them. it’s you.

    I’m gonna have to change my name back. She will NEVER THE LEARN BUTTON, will she?

    • Really? Most fascinating men? Opened her up to worlds she could not imagine otherwise? Who? PK? No. TK? No. Jack? Um… really? Maybe Redacted was fascinating but opened her up to worlds she couldn’t imagine? It’s like she’s a retarded 5 year old.

      She is so stupid. And all of these people HATE you now… how can you feel good about that?

      • Also, always these vague insistences that she and her exes keep in touch and are on good terms only to, always, later to be found out that she is lying and that is NOT the case.

      • You’re missing the obvious: all those guys had jobs. She probably *can’t* imagine gainful employment.

      • It all comes back to JL, I think. The one that actually was “fascinating”. The rest of these guys just have a useful last name/bank account.

    • Hilarious. She’s a “junkie” for short relationships now? Way to spin the fact that her relationships are 3-6 months of long-distance, rarely-seeing-each-other “dating” that – once the other party has experienced greater exposure to the cray du donk – results in their running screaming into the night, spending the rest of their days trying to detangle from the claws of a madwoman who simply WON’T GO AWAY. First of all, I thought it was upwards of 50x a day. Second of all, I can just see it now: txting or emailing Pancakes (FB is no longer an option, bunnies!) the link to this post on her blergh – “Saw this interesting article. What do you think – does it sound like me and you?” Um, er, oops! She meant to sent the link to the article ITSELF, not the blergh post that talks about how much she misses him and thinks he’s a sweet boy and they panicked and breaking up was a mistake! Silly donkey!

    • Translation: “I haven’t met anyone who’s into me since this breakup (or before, really) AND I’VE TRIED. Even Greasy Bear got wasted and ignored me all night at the water sipping gala in San Fran. I wish I hadn’t played by “The Rulez” and thrown down The GAUNTlet (sooo thin) which forced Sweet Boy to ask me to leave immediately instead of making him quit the military and become my wedding escort.”

      I LOVE BONOBOS!

  15. OT, but why is she suddenly into interior design and crowdsourcing for interior designers? It’s not like she has a place of her own to decorate. I assume if her parents wanted to redecorate the condo or lake house they’d either have someone in mind or ask people they know for recommendations rather than rely on their pink obsessed daughter for help.

    • Unless the Donkster Grifter told her folks that she could tots get the redesign comped because she is such a hot, in-demand blogging bunny. She took her mom on that trip to Sweden so that when her parents express doubts about her career she can remind them that they’ve benefited from her lack of pride and ethics jankier than a hot tub full of Scandinavian oysters.

    • The request for recommendations for UP AND COMING interior designers is telling — she clearly wants to find someone she things will accept “blog mentions” and “shilling” as payment. Pity the fool who falls for it.

      • Exactly! She is soooo transparent. I think it’s the same way Megtard got her apartment redecorated for free… by promising a video tour on her blog or some shit. BRAAAYGE.

    • “Boho pink palace…” OK; it will truly drive me insane if Donks starts pontificating about interior design, which is a discipline very near to my heart. The ridiculous taste shown in her fashion choices (and in the pink shoebox — bathmats used as area rugs? Droopy, flaccid tutus as wall decor?) will be horrifyingly magnified in the OMG Downtown Condo. And I will feel so sorry for any decorator she manages to rope in. I think the job inherently requires superior diplomatic skills anyway, but those would be sorely tested working with Donkey on her stall upgrade.

  16. OT but America’s favorite couch surfer is trying to grift a trip to the Hamptons… uninvited of course!

    “@TarynSouthern – omg you’re doing it! YAYYYYY! I should just hop on a plane and meet you there … hmmmmm”

    • She could just couch-surf with Lasagna and her bf Guido Joe. They live all the way out on LI, close enough to the Hamptons I suppose.

    • She is the rudest.

      Also, apparently the recent Twitter ICE BURN that Taryn Southern dealt out has been all forgotten now that Donkerina can grift something…

  17. I’m really fucking pissed off by Julia’s constant insinuations that it’s evil or at least very suspicious to choose not to share tons of info about yourself publicly on the Internet.

  18. Wow she’s melting down pretty hard on her blog right now. I thinks she might snap at her friends wedding. This is rough.

    “At my wedding…” 🙁

    • Shit, she’s posted like a dozen wedding related photos, mostly ALL OF BRIDES… hot damn, the nutso is in full effect!

    • Another manic all nighter and planning her wedding in “2034” with her groomsmaid Taylor… oh bunnies. Pop the popcorn…. it’s getting good!

      And she’s also worried about upstaging the bride in that hideously cheap Bebe dress? Bitch please.

      • Her choice of dress isn’t bad, IMHO – it’s fine for an informal summer wedding & considering the theme, it’s not like she’ll stand out compared to others. This may be the one time where she more or less gets it right, actually.

        What she should do is get a new (& flattering) hairstyle.

        • It’s not totally inappropriate if you’re judging it on if it’s too much white or not, but it’s still a cheaply made junior’s dress with hideous white heels. There are a gazillion more sophisticated choices for outdoor weddings but she goes with the brightly colored cotton dress with a flare skirt and minnie mouse heels every. single. time.

      • The best part is she asks her readers if it will clash with the bride’s dress and ALL of them tell her NOT to wear it and she then writes this add on to her post like, “Tough, I’m wearing it.” Then why did you ask?????

        And she wonders why she’s so hated.

      • I think she chooses dresses according to how much outrage is expressed. If the consensus is that she’ll upstage the bride –bingo — that’s the one she’ll pick!

        She could be dressed like the Church Lady and still manage to upstage the whole freaking wedding with her loony antics, like swanning around the dinner tables making ballerina arms and a rapture face.

        • It’s funny that she thinks her choice of dress – any choice – will upstage the bride. She thinks she’s such a knockout. Um no Julia, if you upstage anyone, it will be because you’re a loud, tacky, braying idiot who takes pictures of sacred, private moments, not because of a damn dress.

          • looking forward to more raising the roof/dancing with herself photos from the upcoming weddings…stay tuned to a flickr account near you!

        • How melty?

          An industrial spatula will be needed to get her down the aisle.

          • Hahah.

            And there won’t be a groom in sight at Julia’s wedding. She’ll be doing the Queen Elizabeth thing where she gets married to an abstract or at least non-human noun.

          • Julia is probably flattered by the Queen Elizabeth comparison because Royal Wedding.

        • Seriously, THAT DRESS is like what someone’s bleached-blonde former 1950s starlet grandma would wear. (“I was in Rebel Without A Cause, you know! I played Natalie Wood’s second friend from the right!”)

  19. Watching Dr. Drew talk tonight about disturbed young people with personality disorders, unable to feel remorse, he remarked that the parents are usually the last to see it – the denial is that deep. So the parents enable until THEY hit rock bottom.

    That said, most parents haven’t had hundreds of people handing them a catalogue of NPD and imploring them to help their sick daughter for YEARS on end.

    • Who pays for her plastic surgery? It’s not covered under any insurance plan.

      Do you think the kind folks at the Ashram Outpatient Surgical Facility (and Spa) just mail the bill to Chicago Attorney Peter Baugher? Do you think Julia’s spoiled child-liked “allowance” is actually large enough that she can “pay for it herself?” Seriously, for the damage she’s done to her face that’s got to be a hefty bill…and it’s a well established fact she gets a few hundred bucks/column TOPS.

      Same goes for all her excessive flying….

      • She gets less than 100 bucks/column. Probably hardly anything at all. These types of syndication gigs usually pay like $10-15 per column per paper. If you’re in 100-200 papers a week (like Dear Abby or Dave Barry), great. But if you’re in less than 5 papers a week… you’re screwed.

      • I think she gets money from Nutty Granny Moneybags (paging Nutty Granny Moneybags!) She seems like the kind of elderly woman who believed her grifting, lying granddaughters insistence that she just needed the procedures to land a husband and that’s probably high up on Granny’s priority list for her lovelorn granddaughter.

        I don’t think her parents are rich enough for her to have some massive trust fund, but I can see Granny giving her a check for a couple thousand every time she sees her. Or she has massive credit card debt.

        • Yes I believe this could be the case. My grandmother does this with my brother. She’s not rich but she does have some extra money, and every time he visits her he gets a $100-$500 check after telling her how expensive living in NYC is and that he can barely afford food (an exaggeration to say the least).

          • I have a friend whose grandmother has started giving each grandchild a lot of money each year so as to avoid the estate tax. Has Baugher written all over it.

        • I think there is no other explanation BUT that she has a trust fund. Isn’t momsers from a loaded family too? She has to have a trust fund. No other way. She lived in NY for how many years paying nearly $3000 in rent, not to mention all her eating out and shopping constantly. It doesn’t add up otherwise.

          • I believe she has money coming from somewhere too, but I don’t think it’s raining $$$ as she doesn’t seem to want to stay in Chicago, it seems more that she HAS to stay in Chicago because it’s rent free. I think in NYC she blew hard and fast through Star magazine/SONY $$ and her arrogance always led her to believe another huge pay check was coming. She convinced her parents of this and they fronted her for a while.

            But she burned every bridge and that pay day never came and Momsers and Dadsers put the breaks on the $$$$. She probably convinces them to pay for press kits and such and then blows it on surgery.

          • Even if she gets large checks from parents and Granny every so often, it all still does not add up without a trust fund. How does she travel constantly? How does she have money to shop? I don’t care how much she made from Sony, that would not last for years on end the way she lives.

          • You can put airline tickets and crappy clothes from Bebe on a credit card and keep paying the minimums and the credit card company will usually just reward you by raising your limit. I can see how Julia would be stupid and reckless with credit. It’s amazing how many people have no idea how credit works and can rack up $100 K in credit card debt in no time.

            It’s very telling that she spends and shops so freely but then complains about things like cable bills or health insurance costs – things you normally wouldn’t put on your credit card. I kind of get the idea that she’s cash poor some of the time (before Granny sends her a check).

            But the trust fund could be real, considering how she has often insisted she gets no money from her family. Legalese… the trust doesn’t count, bunnies!

          • I don’t think she’s ever paid for an expensive dinner (that’s what men are for). Recently, she gets out of paying for most things adults pay for: rent, insurance, utilities, furniture, student loan payments. She gets cash in some shady way and then immediately blows it all on ugly dresses and plane tickets to nowhere. Basically, she lives like a spoiled college freshman… but what else is new.

          • This is what I think, and it fits in with all her money technicalities:

            If your family sets up a trust fund for you when you’re young, unless they set certain conditions it will go to you outright at a certain age of majority (usually 21, but can be 25 or anything else). If Julia had one of these (I know lots of wealthy kids who did), she technically does not have a trust anymore — she just has a big account somewhere that used to be held in trust, but is not hers. You don’t have to have a technical trust fund, where the money is handed out to you by a trustee, to have money given to you by your family in trust.

          • One doesn’t have to be seriously wealthy to set up a trust fund, just have enough to make it worthwhile to set up.

      • It seems to be in only two papers now, so we’re looking at $25-$35 per column per week.

        And then there’s the whopping $300 (or whatever AFTRA scale for Chicago is) per appearance on WINDY CITY LIVE. Which I’m sure will happen again after the overwhelming response to her last appearance.

        FUCK YOU MONEY, BUNNIES!

    • I’m SO glad you said this, Lived Together. I definitely think something smells in the state of Donkmark, and I don’t tend to jump in and defend the Elder Boggers. But even among the worst personality-disordered people I’ve encountered in my life (and I’m talking about a few at the far, far end of the spectrum) there were parents and siblings who were beaten down and completely puzzled but loved unconditionally and never stopped trying. They had no idea what they were up against. It isn’t a matter of education or professional standing, either — the parents/significant others/children have to seek out answers to a cluster of problems they are ABLE to identify.

  20. She’s posting photo of a white dress and crowd-sourcing “Should I wear it to my friend’s wedding”? I cannot with this woman.

    • She is crazy! She concludes with “That said, I think I will stick to this being the “rehearsal dinner” bbq dress! Why rock the boat with a friend?”

      Is she even invited to the rehearsal dinner? I thought that was for family, close friends and bridal party only? Do you really think the bride gives a damn about your fug Bebe junior’s dress? I’d be more offended that she wore such a cheap and casual dress to my wedding. It looks too casual even for an outdoor wedding.. you can practically see through the white fabric, it’s so cheap.

      • I can’t vouch for anywhere else, but in the South out-of-town guests are traditionally invited as well. No idea how this would be applied with a destination wedding.

        • I think it is becoming more normal to have a low key rehearsal dinner that all the guests are invited too, especially with weddings that most guests must travel to.

          Or maybe she has to come because she is the tweeter of honor.

          • At these low-key rehearsal dinners, do the guests pay? It’s one thing to pay for a rehearsal dinner for 20 people, but when everyone comes, you could be talking about more than 100+ guests….

          • I think it varies. For mine we are getting bbq and kegs and having it at a lakeside park, so it winds up being a little bit less in total that doing family+bridal party at a fancy restaurant.

          • Here I make dis bracelet for you:
            [img]http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/049/0/5/kitty_friendship_bracelets_by_leeloo66-d39tkcs.jpg[/img]

            Now we is friends forever!

        • Everyone who was invited to our wedding was invited to our rehearsal dinner, and everyone attended. It was crazy fun.

      • I’ve never heard of rehearsal dinners being for anyone but the family and wedding party and I’m from the South. That’s what the reception is for! But I imagine if lots of out of town guests are coming in and your wedding is a whole weekend event, then it makes sense. I’ve just never attended weddings like that, preferring to well wish, get my drink on, and leave. (Hate weddings.)

    • I vote YES! Wear white to the wedding, Donkey! Please, pretty please?

      It will serve the dual purpose as both a never-ending game & also a cautionary tale for future children & grandchildren of the happy couple to look at the wedding album & play: “WHERE’S WHACKO?”

      • All she needs to complete her Where’s Wacko outfit is a red fascinator… I vote for this one:
        [img]http://inkatieswords.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/red-bow-fascinator.jpg[/img]

  21. “The idea is not to “steal the show” – ie: don’t wear something ridiculous. But it’s also a bit … um … how can I put this … pretentious to think you COULD steal the show from the freaking bride by wearing a sundress that might have white in it!”

    THE WORD THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS PRESUMPTUOUS, “PROFESSIONAL WRITER.” NOT PRETENTIOUS. OH MY GOD.

    • I think she means it would be pretentious if you yourself thought you could steal the show from a bride by wearing white. On that note, the hearts dress she plans to wear to the BBQ rehearsal is not appropriate really. That looks like what the bride wears for the rehearsal, it would almost be less out of place the day of.

      • Only slightly related, but… last week, my mother-in-law (who, thanks in part to this site, I suspect is an NPD) wore a skintight white satin cocktail dress to my rehearsal. I myself wore a taffeta dress that was in the wedding colors, so it made me feel as if she needed to have the spotlight on her, at any time and in any way she could manage. Logically, I can talk myself back from the ledge regarding this. 1) I don’t even LIKE being thrust into the center of attention, and 2) It’s silly to think that she and her outfit had the capability to distract people involved in the day away from the ‘important’ stuff. But. There is a part of me that is upset that she willfully defied social convention (everyone knows that white is ‘off-limits, or whatever). I guess my point of this ramble is this- she didn’t (and Julia doesn’t) know whether it would truly upset me (or Natalie, in Julia’s case; regardless of whether she indiciated to Julia that it was OK, are we convinced she didn’t just agree with Julia to shut her up? I’m sure she has more important things to do 7 days out from her wedding). And the sheer fact that she was willing to possibly upset me, possibly have people talk about the fact that she wore white, possibly TRY to steal the show… well, that just spoke volumes to me about her character.

        That was one of the few snafus about the weekend though, and so I’m grateful for the wonderful day that my catman and I ended up having!

        • Exactly. No one (NO ONE) thinks that someone in a white dress will actually succeed in stealing attention away from the bride. The problem with wearing white is that it’s knowingly breaking a social convention…and it can speak volumes to how much you care about the couple/are willing to put yourself aside for the day to focus on their wants and needs.

          That said, I do think that there is enough “non-white” in the dress that Julia posted to make it not socially unacceptable in that regard. My issue with it (as other said above) is that it looks childish, cheap, and (from what I can tell) way too short. I know it’s a “casual outdoor” wedding, but that dress looks like it was made for the taste (and body) of a 12 year old. Appropriate for a BBQ alone, maybe, but not for someone’s wedding – not unless you want the guests talking about how short and inappropriately casual your dress is. But YMMV, I guess.

          I liked the pink Lily Pulitzer dress that she posted much better. I know she can be a pain in the ass with the pink, but that knowledge of her aside, I thought it was a cute (and appropriate) dress – as long as the bridesmaids aren’t wearing that shade of pink, of course.

          (Also, my sympathies for having to deal with a potentially NPD mother-in-law. I hope things get easier for you…)

          • You’re right- it IS a childish dress. My 11-year old sister chooses dresses that look more well-made and appropriate. But, alas, I don’t think that Julia can even be compared to a normal, intelligent 11-year old, even.
            Thanks for the kind thoughts regarding the m-i-l! Really, recognizing NPD characteristics has given me extra insight into her. I’m working on figuring out the best way to handle her. Of course, it’s difficult when she does things like, oh, tell us blatantly (as she did last night), that a family friend gave her (to give to us) $100 for our wedding gift, but that she was keeping it because said friend alluded that if she needed it, then she should take it.

          • I’ve seen the bebe heart dress in person and yes it’s quite childish and not appropriate at all for a wedding, maybe for a 4th of July bbq or a picnic date or something? I could imagine that. She comes from a family with $$$ and that alone should teach her what is and is not appropriate event apparel. But as the countess says, money can’t buy you class (I can’t believe how often that’s relevant at RBD).

          • Eww, A-GC, I can just imagine the sardonic toe used by the family friend after your M-i-L openly hinted that she herself was entitled to the $$. I know someone like that who manages to twist things in her favor. Disgusting, isn’t it?

            You should write the family friend a TY note for the gesture & ask your M-i-L to sign it also as a TY for actual receipt of the actual $$.

          • Brayella, that’s a fantastic idea… because M-i-l won’t realize (or would choose to ignore) what I’d be implying by asking her to sign the note. Instead, she’d be glowing and happy that I finally recognized her *huge* part in my union with my catman by asking her to sign the TY note.

        • If it makes you feel better, anyone with a clue will know she is dressed inappropriately and anyone without a clue won’t, so don’t sweat it and have a great party

          That’s how I’ve been dealing with the NPDs in my life lately; agreeing and moving on. It saves so much wear and tear.

          • You’re so right. If any catpeople have any recommendations on good books that help to guide dealings with NPDs I’d be incredibly grateful!

        • A-Game, even though I’m southern I say this without a hint of sarcasm: bless your heart. I’ve never gotten it right with my MIL in almost 15 years and it has brought an awful amount of unnecessary grief into my life. I’m to blame for my part in it, for sure. I don’t have problems with almost anybody, so from the beginning I sort of decided to ignore what I saw in her and convince myself she wasn’t my problem. My husband (alas!) (also alack!) has done the same, and we WUZ RONG. Here are my only two pieces of advice:
          1. Be in agreement with your spouse about everything concerning her, as much as is possible. The two of you have to be on the same side, recognize the same problems, and work together to minimize them.
          2. This is most important, and what #1 must lead to: boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. And after that, boundaries.
          Good luck, truly.

    • Is that post about that ugly as sin dress she bought, with the little hearts on it? You are 30 goddamn years old, sweetcheeks. Dress like it.

      • WITH PINK COWBOY BOOTS.

        If I had eaten breakfast yet I would be heading to the shower to dispose of it.

        She’s like a damned cartoon.

        • She’s wearing the pink Lilly with the cowboy boots. Still totally fug and doesn’t go with cowboy boots, but at least not a cheap looking as the red heart Bebe number.

          • I can’t wait to see pictures of this wedding. I could be totally wrong, but when I think of a ‘summer/western’ wedding, I was thinking, like, long gauzy prairie dresses with the hats and boots. Not a weird, tight, picnic dress.

            If my prediction is correct, she is going to stand out like a sore thumb. CAN’T WAIT.

          • Yeah, I was thinking a gauzy cotton dress, long and billowy, would be the best choice for a country/western wedding. And the pink boots and hat? She is such a fucking joke.

          • “If my prediction is correct, she is going to stand out like a sore thumb.”

            Isn’t that always her goal?

          • Aaaaaaaand just like that, she’s posting pictures of “gauzey” dresses on her blog.

            BUT SHE NEVER READS HERE.

        • Duh, the “theme” is BBQ. Cowboy boots are part of the required costume, because all the world’s her stage.

          OT, but I am laffing my ass off because a website called donkeybarbeque.com actually exists. Turn down the volume if you’re at work, because a donkey voice starts talking and braying.

          http://donkeybarbeque.com/Site/Donkey_BBQ.html

          • Even if the wedding is a casual, outdoor affair in Montana or wherever, a cowboy BBQ theme is still sort of silly for a wedding. Call me old fashioned, but I think they could look back on their wedding album and goofy social media referencing invitations in five or ten years and cringe at how dated and cheesy it looks.

      • To add to the list of things that she has impressively not been able to acquire, she has absolutely no sense of style. There are so many beautiful, age-appropriate, stylish dresses that would be perfect for an outdoor wedding and that could look cute with cowboy boots. She just refuses to wear anything that would look nice.

        Her BFF Sarah posted a link to a dress from Anthropologie that would look great on a young woman at an outdoor wedding. Maybe I’m just jealous, because I would love to be able to afford that dress, but I can’t stand to watch her fumble around the junior departments and come out with dresses that look like costumes for an eighth grade valentine’s day dance. It’s so frustrating because she has a seemingly endless shopping budget, and she chooses to spend her money on juniors’ apparel from BEBE, a store that used to sell belly chains.

        How can it be so hard to dress nicely when you’re rich? It’s like she just picks the worst ways to spend her money. Since she’s such a Dolly Parton fan, she should realize that it’s costing her a lot of money to look as cheap as she does.

  22. “I do love me some Dolly Parton!! I want to hug her & listen to her give love advice in that Southern accent. She’s just adorable & happy.”

    You should take some advice from Dolly (who has been married to the same man since 1966) and keep your relationships private.

    • I’m guessing she doesn’t know dick about Dolly Parton besides her role on “Steel Magnolias.” Shut up, idiot.

    • Oh no one’s jollier than struggling with suicidal depression Dolly Parton! Hey, donk! She’d tell you to get help!

  23. Totally OT, but I’ve finally joined the Julia Allison Entered My Dreams Club. I am officially freaked out. In my dream I was there because a friend of a friend knew her and wanted to go to the beach(?!) and they lived in this huge house with multiple storage rooms. And Lilly was there and she was adorable and sweet. Her mom seemed nice, if harried and Dadsers seemed accommodating but whenever Julia came into the room he seemed incredibly frustrated and angry. I got to go into one of the storage rooms and it was overflowing with stuff, related I think to various boyfriends and ploys to get famous. Oh yeah, and lots of “skinny clothes.” Freaked me the hell out! But I guess that’s what happens when I read this site too close to bed time.

  24. So, now I know that TK wasn’t just an obsessive clean freak with all the swiffering.
    He was just trying to sweep up all JABA’s stray pelt hair before the gf came back.

  25. She dropped out of the Improv Class the minute they told her no photos or video allowed, didn’t she ?

    • I was wondering about that. It was a three-day intensive course that lasted from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. but she’s been tweeting throughout the day, even, I believe mentioning going to a personal trainer, when she was supposed to be in improv class.

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