Telling Omissions From A Tool

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Julie Albertson, pain and misery junkie, posted a passage from this Jonathan Franzen essay that ran in the New York Times over the weekend. The part she chose is all about loving love whole self love loving do you read me Jack McCain love love me loving you love like love true self attention Jack McCain I love you love me yada yada yada.

Funny the bits that she didn’t mention, as pointed out by long-time lurker, first-time caller Miss Donkerstein:

But if you consider this in human terms, and you imagine a person defined by a desperation to be liked, what do you see? You see a person without integrity, without a center. In more pathological cases, you see a narcissist — a person who can’t tolerate the tarnishing of his or her self-image that not being liked represents, and who therefore either withdraws from human contact or goes to extreme, integrity-sacrificing lengths to be likable.

And this …

If you dedicate your existence to being likable, however, and if you adopt whatever cool persona is necessary to make it happen, it suggests that you’ve despaired of being loved for who you really are. And if you succeed in manipulating other people into liking you, it will be hard not to feel, at some level, contempt for those people, because they’ve fallen for your shtick.

And this!

Our lives look a lot more interesting when they’re filtered through the sexy Facebook interface. We star in our own movies, we photograph ourselves incessantly, we click the mouse and a machine confirms our sense of mastery.

And, since our technology is really just an extension of ourselves, we don’t have to have contempt for its manipulability in the way we might with actual people. It’s all one big endless loop. We like the mirror and the mirror likes us. To friend a person is merely to include the person in our private hall of flattering mirrors.

Oh Donk, you chanting, downward dog-doing toolbag. If you love this essay so much, love it in its entirety. Franzen has nailed one of the major reasons why you’re such a barking-mad misery addict. So put down The Road Less Travelled, cover up those feet, get to a cognitive therapist and figure out WHY. Why you sabotage yourself time and again with indiscreet Internet oversharing, why you feel the need to boast and brag about everything to online strangers and how you can end the addiction.

Which brings me to a blind item:

What nervous bride in an upcoming wedding has already had to assign someone to make sure a certain over-sharing douchebag doesn’t ruin the day’s events with relentless Tweets, photos, Vimeos, etc. The bride is secretly pissed that she even had to invite the nutbar, and so a Donkey-Minder has been assigned and is going to attempt to actually confiscate her camera and her phone on the day of the nuptials.

258 COMMENTS

  1. Is Brit Bohnet the nervous bride?

    For a moment, I felt sorry for her. But you know what? If you tolerate Julia Alison’s asshattery instead of nutting up & telling Donkey to act right or GTFO, you pretty much deserve all the worry & repercussions that you’ve left yourself wide open to.

    Don’t want Julia Allison ruining your special day? UN-INVITE HER.

    • That blind item is fuct. Since you invited her in the first place (WHY? GOD WHY?) I would univite her POST HASTE if you want to have any type of fairly private ceremony and reception.

      You will only have yourself to blame for photos like THIS in your wedding album:
      [img]http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l65ksd1xnF1qanswko1_500.jpg[/img]

      • That’s disgusting. Also, I had forgotten about her boobs poking around everywhere at her brother’s wedding. No other bridesmaids looked like that, as I recall. Tacky.

      • WHAT THE CHRIST

        If I didn’t think it would make me lose the will to live, I would do a census of the “deep-throating pastry” photos. This is a completely new one on me, and more disgusting than most.

        Who does this even once? Doing it 30+ times is beyond insanity into some new dimension of dysfunction.

    • The fuck.. apparently she isn’t doing the TOTAL IMMERZION asshram therapies if she’s sitting around reading rbd and texting(!?!?) her on-site partner. Seriously bitch, put down the fucking phone. You don’t need it since you have no friends. Everyone who knows you, including us, was hoping ashram time = naptime and we’d all get a LITTLE peace and quiet for just a FEW days. But no. You can go to the quietest place on Earth, after saying you want to “take a break” from online blathering and still not shut the fuck up. Why don’t you write a column about having a device super-glued to your hand and how it makes you an obnoxious asshole?

      Here’s a riddle for you: How loud is the bray from a Donkey who has had her toys taken away?

  2. How can we help all the brides, Ashton?!

    Who would invite this dipshit unless they were absolutely required to by their family? And even then. . . .

    • since every wedding is all about her, not inviting her might bring even more of a headache in the face of the ensuing shitshow than having her come.

      • Srsly. Lose lose no matter what you do. That is why, boys and girls, never the donkey.
        Her active enablers deserve exactly what they get. Harsh, but wtf else do they expect? Her blog/twitter/vimeo/FB pages on their own, in complete isolation of anything else that has ever been written about her, provide all the red flags any reasonable person needs. There is polite civilility, there is cordial arm’s length association, there is even kind regard, and then there is a wedding invitation. One of these things does not belong.

    • Absolutely required by family, or maybe greatly encouraged by Randi. I’m guessing Brittany’s the bride.

    • Um….. Speaking just for myself, as a longtime reader and commenter, I find that so very very very very off topic and away from the intent of this site that it’s inappropriate.

      I’m sure that MANY of us have jobs where we could use a smart, educated focus group just like the RBNS community to take marketing surveys. However, none of us have ever gone there, and I would wager that it’s because there has been a tacit agreement that this non commercial, interest-based satire site is neither the time or place for that kind of thing. Advertisers, cookies, pop ups, and Facebook and google tracking are just a few of the ways that we are treated as consumers and marketing targets in every other corner of the web. Can’t you leave RBNS out of it?

      However, if you still think it’ a good idea to link to a marketing survey here, call it like it is and tell us what it’s for, rather than just calling it a ‘survey’ and posting a cat picture. If its for your dude’s PHD in Sociology, that may be a different kettle of fish than if its for his Nike viral video campaign. Full disclosure is your friend.

      In the absence of any contextual information, really this strikes me as one step removed from posting marketing spam for watches and luggage in newspaper and magazine comment sections. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I happen to be part of a touchy, suspicious , anti marketing demographic!

      • Hey thanks, LTOTE. I didn’t recognize the poster’s name so I didn’t click on the links; now others know what they’re in for.

        • Sorry for not putting it into context. It isn’t a marketing survey for my catman’s job, it’s for his Masters degree in retail buying & merchandising (really not much to do with marketing at all)

          It is not spam at all. I am obviously not forcing anyone into clicking on the links or replying to anything. it’s just a big help if anyone does.

          Again, sorry for the misunderstanding. I’m a long time reader (sometime commenter) too and the only reason I would post this here is only because of the sense of community and kindness amongst readers.

    • Ah, memories! My catman got his degree back in prehistory when his groups would have to stand around in shopping malls with clipboards trying to talk elderly mall-walkers into giving them 2 minutes of their time. Pure hell.

      Glad to help. Hope his project goes well.

      • I would hate so much having to do that for my graduate work — ACK. Took the survey too and hope it goes well.

    • Brilliant deduction, narrowing it down to the three weddings she’s invited to. I’ll go w/ Brit, since the other two are including her *IN* their wedding party.

        • You mean Dan’s fiancée.

          You know for a fact that his fiancée is including Donkey against her will, or are you just convinced that you’re right? Just curious, is all …

          • She’s a groomswoman, not a bridesmaid, so presumably it was Dan’s pick. Saying that doesn’t mean it’s against the fiancee’s will, just that it wasn’t her call.

            Serious question: do people usually run their attendant choices by each other for approval/disapproval? My huscat and I didn’t, but we each had one attendant in a super-casual wedding, so I don’t think of us as the best example.

      • I have no idea which it is, I was saying that it could really *any* of those. And I think it’s a really precious blind item that will keep Donk guessing. I hope she doesn’t know which it is and suspects all three.

      • @brit unfortunately hides her disdain (meaning: if it exists) very well

        sad.com if dave and brittany actually really, truly, genuinely like Julia Allison. My respect plummets if so.

    • well, there actually is a fourth wedding, that of natalie lent. dan’s wedding is actually closer to christmas, so the three summer weddings are Bohnet/Morin, Via, and Natalie/Chris.
      but, yeah, i’d go with brit or cancer dan’s fiancee.

    • I am going with Dave M and Brittany B for this… But Dan’s finance is also a possibility…

        • Miss Donkerstein, you are astute! That was very very good.

          However, I must say that the Franzen op-ed, that he also delivered as a commencement speech, was such a lazy wank of obviousness and incredibly shallow observation, just incredible he made massive bucks for what’s essentially a not-enlightening blog post. Julia alighting on it for inspiration makes perfect sense in a way, the essay was as dumb and shallow and clueless as she is, it it was utterly on her level. Franzen is a wildly overrated hack, and that’s just that. He barely has a talent for English as prose, sorry, he cannot make a beautiful sentence. With him, it’s all about what his massive novel is “about”, and it’s all about dull suburbanites like Julia, presented as if this were deep or significant. No, just energetically posing as such.

          Franzen + Julia= too perfect, the symmetry.

          • oh I AGREE wholeheartedly. that whole column was one giant “say WHA? you love the birds?” I imagine his wife was thinking the same thing. all of this for….the birds? but the point was that Julia was picking so precisely AROUND anything that makes her look at herself in the mirror…I mean, when you have to search that hard and edit that much to get the piece to look like it’s all just a big lovey dovey pile, maybe that’s when the alarm bells go off and you think, “ok, I am embarrassing myself by the edits I’m making.” then again, I’m an editor, so it’s how I think. what you choose to edit out of your story is telling, is all I’m saying.

          • I thought the essay was a pile of wank, myself.

            “People like to be liked! Being liked makes us feel good and is therefor not purely an altruistic goal! Sometimes we try too hard to be liked! Sometimes we resent our friends!”

            No shit, Oppenheimer.

            And I can’t stand this fucking coy-but-earnest 39-year-old white boy angst that this whole generation is continually crapping out. It’s like they get a free truism in every box of Captain Crunch.

          • Thanks for that, Fameless Shamewhore. I wanted to respect Franzen around the time of that Robinson Crusoe piece because he was good friends with DFW and I am forever in awe of DFW’s talents. But I never liked Franzen and I greatly admire Felix Salmon and so now I feel smugly validated. Suck it, Julia!

          • I work at an art school and I have to assume the thought processes of our students about to graduate is not far off the mark of a liberal arts college. I would like to preface my commentary also by saying that I think a lot of the students I work with are total idiots. But this? As a commencement speech aimed at the undergrad level? Is FAR BELOW what my most middle of the road students are thinking about. They are idiots, don’t get me wrong, but as far as they are concerned, this would fall squarely within the ‘duh’ and super obvious column.

            This is more appropriate for a high school audience. It’s basically Old Man Franzen talking about his own anxieties. This is not at all what I would tell students about to graduate from a liberal arts college.

            What a squandered opportunity. I hope the kids were all like, “Really? This is the best you’ve got?”

            I am on the fence with Franzen. I don’t love it and i don’t hate it. I liked ‘Freedom’ at the time of reading, but that NYer DFW piece was a dog’s breakfast. And I think that’s being generous.

  3. it’s tuesday! that means it’s column time, catpeople! I cannot stand the wait, I am simply dying to know what gems of knowledge julia will impart upon us this time!

    • She was fishing for leads on social media and religion earlier so I wouldn’t be surprised to see a fake question asking about how to be spiritual on the internet or some claptrap.

    • I started writing a ‘hilarious’ fake question to set up the link to the column, but like so many others before me I just kant with this bitch. I’m actually offended that she gets paid to ‘write’ this crap.

        • She even uses her standard ‘[noun] 2.0’ non-joke twice. It’s such sloppy, lazy work. (Well, “work”.)

      • “My mom’s birthday is tomorrow, and I have no idea what to get her.”

        FFS she isn’t even thinking these through. Really? She thinks someone who needs advice by the end of the day is going to send a mail to a WEEKLY syndicated columnist?

        • Didn’t she already boast that she had wrapped her mother’s present?

          Dan really did describe it perfectly – she has no recollection of anything she has said that is inconsistent with the person she is trying to be right now.

          • No, no. The FAKE birthday question is a FAKE email from a FAKE reader.

        • Is there anyone out there who doesn’t know that you can phone a florist in your mom’s hometown and get next-day delivery on a bouquet? Well, now you do, and moms love it. Except mine, she called me up to scream at me for wasting my money.

      • fantastic, did Bob Parsons go and shoot some elephants after stopping for a quote from the famous Julia Allison Baugher?

        So. Freaking. Tone. Deaf.

        • Also, I have pretty much read every one of her blog posts – and never have seen this conversation happening, let alone a “reader” saying anything of the sort:

          “Of course, as one of my readers commented on my blog a few months ago, ‘Imagine if your parents had named you based on whatever was the hip, cool way of contacting people in the early ’80s?'”

          • Ha, BF, we think alike. I googled that quote & even added Donkey’s name to the search criteria — zip, zilch, nada re: any matches.

          • lol — they are molting

            imagine you are some web novice and find her articles interesting (#becauseyou’reanidiot) so you go over to her “blog” to learn more, and find yourself inundated with self-help quotes and princess pink cupcakes and puppy dogs and expensive shoes/dresses

            social media expert my ass

            seriously, Bob Parsons? now?

      • All snark aside, you’re smart to Google your baby’s name before you sign a birth certificate. It’s a pre-emptive defensive strike against the possibility that someone else, whether an impostor or a stranger, will dominate your child’s online search results. Twenty minutes at the computer can save your children a lifetime of attempting to explain that, no, they aren’t really that porn star or that money-laundering banker.</i.

        And here I thought that establishing paternity was the primary reason someone might delay signing a birth certificate …

        Her rationale is so full of fail. Even if there are currently no unfavorable search results on a favored name now, that doesn’t mean it can’t & won’t be the case at some point in the future. Julia Allison is well & truly remedially challenged in the logic dep’t, isn’t she?

        • plus in her parents’ case a search back when she was born would have been fine… but now her name has been ruined… alas, it was by their own child, not someone else’s…

        • This is so full of fail on many fronts. There are many people with my name, but you google that name and you get me. Why? Because i put shit out into public on the regular, and that’s how google works! Dumb bitch.

          Also, people aren’t going to think that some person is a porn star because someone else has that name? Also, there’s such a thing called google images that will clear up any confusion on the double.

          Also, someone with a notorious name now, may not be notorious in 20 years, see above as to how google actually works.

          How can this fucking IDIOT suggest she’s even remotely interested in social media (we know she’s no expert, per her claims) and not know the fuck how motherfucking google works???

          Lastly, private people can easily stay private, public people stay in the public eye.

          She is the fucking LAST person that should give anyone advice on how to conduct themselves online. That is all.

      • Little did we know that TarantulaSham would be the high point of this horrorshow of a column.

      • The kid hasn’t been CONCEIVED yet and she’s bought her domain name? And that’s not fucking crazy? Dead giveaway that it’s a fabricated question, and that somewhere out there is the registered domain of Julia-Leighton Meester McCain.

    • I love how every column has one question with a long answer and then one with a very short one. So she basically writes up the first question/answer, does a word count, and then makes up a second question that has a short answer to hit her word count.

      • Perhaps that is the paradigm-shifting formula her Tribune “team” came up with during their “meetings.”

      • The “one long and one short” or “one long and two short” format is not unusual in syndicated advice columns. It gives the purchasing papers more flexibility in how much of the column to run.

        It’s like comic strips, where cartoonists have to do one or two introductory panels that can be cut out if necessary, in order to accommodate the different layouts of different purchasing papers.

  4. My friend, who is doing her PhD at OMG!Princeton, wrote to tell me that the big Princeton reunion was this weekend and the Beach Boys played. Wonder why Donkerina didn’t tag along with Dadsers this year?

    • Maybe because she realized how fucking pathetic she looked last year?

      I think if she could murder a puppy to retroactively have gone to OMGPrinceton, she would have. It galls her to NO END her brother went to an Ivy League school and her dumpy ass did not.

        • To nitpick, he didn’t go to an Ivy. He went to MIT which is basically as good or not better.

          • So he’s really smart and focused in addition to being a good egg? I feel sorrier for Britt the more I learn about him.

          • Going to a good school doesn’t necessarily mean that Britt’s “smart and focused”. He probably is, but his choice of college is really just confirmation that he’s a well-resourced white kid from Wilmette.

            Did you go to Princeton by any chance, Albie?

          • isn’t he working on his phd, though? I have a friend who is working on her phd at mit, and I thought they really didn’t mess around admitting people that don’t belong there once it’s at that level.

          • For sure, CCC — I’m not trying to suggest that Britt’s not smart and hardworking, or that MIT isn’t a great school. I’ve noticed a bit of OMGIVY! status-worship in comments generally, so I felt it was worth pointing out that this stuff doesn’t happen in a socio-economic vaccuum.

          • I have never met anyone who went to MIT who wasn’t both smart and focused, except for a couple of people who were absolutely genius-level brilliant and totally unfocused.

            Did not go to Princeton, no.

          • I did go to a school that was in theory as admissions-selective as MIT, and I was underwhelmed by how bright my classmates were (though generally quite focused) and overwhelmed by how bright and focused the people I met from MIT were.

            I rarely take where someone went to college as a necessary indicator of their intelligence or academic skills, but MIT and Cal Tech are exceptions in my experience.

    • My friend who lives in Princeton had two guys in their sixties vomit on her lawn. She was not delighted about this as you can imagine.

  5. JuliaAllison: So, so proud of my friend @McCainBlogette for selling her new book with @MichaelIanBlack. They’re going to have a crazy bipartisan summer!!

    MegaTits should send Donkey a Cease & Desist.

    • Love the “my friend” qualifier. Just so ya know. Just like she and Jack (Jack McCain) are still best of friends.

  6. [img]http://www.imgplace.com/viewimg52/7416/63shram.png[/img]

    Only Donk could plagiarise from her own “hate site” and spell it wrong.

      • wtf is POOLZA? she can’t even get that shit right. donk, you are trying to combine ASHRAM with (LOL)APALOOZA.
        julia allison, you complete and utter pathetic failure, i just KANT.

      • i think the worst part is that this is basically an admission that she finds her “hater site” more clever and creative than herself.

    • (Only Holly O could muck up the picture and insert unnecessary prepositions in the one comment.)

  7. only tangentially donkey related, but I had a little free time earlier and whipped this up for lulz:

    [img]http://i56.tinypic.com/2cidwgk.jpg[/img]

  8. JuliaAllison: After five days at the ‘shram, I’m craving @BPCleanse!!

    If you need to detox after your detox, something tells me you are doing your detox wrong.

    • She’s probably constipated from eating real food instead of non-stop chocolate and coffee.

      • That’s funny, where did I just hear that? Oh right.

        JuliaAllison: “Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while & look at people’s faces.” – Amy Poehler’s Harvard Commencement – http://bit.ly/iBKBve

      • For immediate release
        Donkey falls off cliff, tweets for 3 hours before dying

        MAY 31, WOODBOURNE, NY — A LA/NY/CHI/SF woman visiting a local yoga ashram apparently walked off a sheer cliff and fell 444 feet to her eventual death today, police say.

        Julia “Donkey” Allison, 30, was walking along Lookoutitsacliff Road while texting on her iPhone which may have been the reason she did not notice the 14 signs, 2 fences, a moat, and a volunteer middle-school crossing guard locals have installed to prevent people from walking off the cliff. “I thought for sure the moat would have grabbed her attention,” says Peter North, retired tarantula farmer.

        Allison survived the fall, coroners say, and continued to tweet pithy comments while she lay dying.

        “HA! I just fell off a cliff at the ‘shram! Broke every bone except my iThumb!” Allison tweeted at 4pm EST. Her fans responded with frantic pleas for her to call 911, and she appears to have dialed “91” but failed to dial the final “1”. Police speculate she was distracted by a Google Alert notification which opened a browser window on her phone.

        Allison apparently forgot she had fallen at this point, as her following tweets don’t mention the fall or the fact her crumpled body lay bleeding and broken. 2 hours later her final tweet came: “Time for tea and crumpets! Pip pip!”. Police speculate this meant she was hungry and tried to get up, moving a sharp broken bone which severed her jugular artery and she bled to death in seconds.

        “Yup, durn shame, ” said Jeb “Flapjack” Burro, chewing tobacco enthusiast, “that fence she crashed through had 2 days left till retirement.”

        Calls made to Allison’s home were unanswered, except for a notice that the family plans to sue the bejeezus out of the ashram, city, county, state and even God himself for failing to prevent their daughters death.

          • oh good. i was starting to think there was something wrong with me for enjoying writing it so much 😉 feel free to relax guys! i whipped this up off the top of my head in a half hour! this isn’t morbid fanfic i’ve kept stashed in a secret diary or anything.

        • If we weren’t practically married to our respective cats/dog, I’d totally let you shoot pancake batter on surfaces and/or unmentionable in polite company, just for this.

        • I started laughing at “Lookoutisacliff Road” and pretty much didn’t stop till it was over.

    • EARTH TO JULIA: You’re craving the BP cleanse because it is MADE OF SUGAR!!!! DUH!

    • this sounds like an xzibit meme waiting to happen. yo dawg, i heard you like detoxin….

          • I would like to know which gang Julia and Sklar are in, cos that ain’t no MS 13 signs shit. Sklar looks like she is in The Oboe Players Gang. Dope.

          • christ, she looked so much fresher here! i know this was 3-4 (?) years ago… but she was cute! before the fillers and cleansers! fucking a.

    • She @’d BPC wrong the first time. The mistake is on friendfeed. She can’t ever get her shills right.

  9. I’d bet that the wedding is Dave Morin and Brittany Bohnet’s. Dave has been known to be flashy given all his ex-Facebook wealth, and when he posted photos of his proposal to her from a private plane over the Maldives, Gawker wrote about what an excess it was. Brit is a nice girl and I’m sure that kind of thing embarrassed her (the Gawker post, not the proposal). I’d wager a guess that she doesn’t want someone sending out constant unfiltered wedding footage.

    The designated handler is probably Randi or Aubrey Sabala.

    • my god, can you imagine having Julia Allison AT your wedding, let alone IN it? Esp if your spouse was the one who invited her?

    • PS I don’t think so:

      @JuliaAllison You should interview SF pastors @chuckdegroat and @fredharrell. They tweet, blog and even path!
      24 May

      brit Brittany Bohnet
      @JuliaAllison Yay! Bring your boots!
      3 May

      • I believe Brittany genuinely likes Julia, much as Randi does, but they know she’s wacky and a chronic oversharer. Considering Brit is marrying a high-profile tech guy whose wedding will undoubtedly be on the radar of Gawker and it’s brethren, I speculate she doesn’t want Julia to do anything to make the wedding more high-profile than it already is (or snap photos of Mark Zuckerberg and Ashton Kutcher drunk at the reception).

    • eh, you sure she/they’d be embarrassed or care about unfiltered wedding footage? they sure as hell seem like the oversharey types to me:

      [img]http://images.instagram.com/media/2011/05/03/bbf16aeb7a5e4f06bb21087c674af507_7.jpg[/img]

  10. @JuliaAllison
    If people automatically got caught every time they cheated, do you think they would still cheat? Or would they stop?
    32 minutes ago

    Crowdsourcing for the next insightful article or laying foundation for Pancakespalooza?

    • In other words, if you are driving a car and it continues to go forward even though the fuel gauge reads “Empty”, should you keep pushing down on the accelerator?

      • THIS. Dude. “People”?? How about “we”? Don’t act like its “those people” who cheat. Maybe you could tell us – would you still cheat if you got caught every single time?

    • excuse you, the establishment now favors the spelling ‘POOLZA’.

    • Maybe Donkey posted the ‘cheating’ question so as to allude to FlapJack that Dr. Hugo made a pass at her …

      See, Jack? She’s desirable! Men the world over will forfeit anything & everything for a night of dog-yapping & donkey tears! Only you can tame her!

  11. This was posted to her Facebook yesterday. How she has access to scanned, old photos while at the ‘shram is beyond me. Anyway, this was from the Inauguration in 2000. And I hate to body snark but damn, talk about 18 going on 40.
    [img]http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/247717_786853312505_1402715_39589273_4099851_n.jpg[/img]

  12. @Jacy – you rang?

    Remember she said SHE redid her press kit? Well, not so much. I really hope she paid this guy for his work. But she probably didn’t.

    juliaallison: I just want to send out a HUGE standing O to the AWESOME @andrebean for designing the most beautiful press kit I could imagine! THANK YOU!!!

  13. May 31, 11 10:36pm
    If you don’t already follow me on twitter, please consider doing so! 🙂

    sad.com & wtf is up w/ that timestamp of hers?

    • Where is that from? Also…New York is seducing her. PLEASE GO AWAY JULIA. GO GO GO GO GO.

      • New York isn’t seducing her. New York is trying its best to tell her that it just wants to be friends, and that it knows there’s a great city out there for her somewhere, but New York can’t be that city.

  14. In other words, the real Michael McDonald is singing the Star Spangled Banner on TV right now before the Mavs-Heat game. I can’t look at him without thinking of that poor skittles eating photographer.

  15. Why the fuck does she need a press kit? I’m a magazine writer and I get called to do TV or radio if a story I’m reporting is in the news, but I’M NOT THE STORY. Honestly, if you’re a writer starting out you send a couple links to your work in an email. If you’re older and established then people know you’re work and that’s not necessary. Does she just use the press kit to grift for free shit? So disgusting.

    • She needs a press kit because Dadsers hired a PR agency* for her a while back. I had thought it was part of The Great Baugher Marry-Off Campaign, Project Pancakes Edition (and maybe it was), but it seems to be ongoing.

      *A big PR agency that represents actual celebrities, as well as anyone else willing to pay to coattail on that.

  16. Visiting New York for her has to be like touring the campus of a college you flunked out of.

  17. fantastically, donk tweetbrags about this Meghann girl making her dinner, totally missing the point that girlfriend had to eat anyway. Yeah – I’m sure this chick is making you and her longterm boyfriend a special meal. She’s fucking making supper, donkey – you just happen to be on the couch.

    • Meghann Dotson. Meghann’s bf owns a 2BR place in the city, Julia’s probably crashing there with them in the spare rm.

      • You spoke too soon. Meetings! Meetings! Big day … of meetings! She is relevant, people!!

        JuliaAllison
        Walking over to @Meghan’s place to pick up Cupcake The Bike – then riding uptown for meetings! It’s so pretty here in New York today.
        1 hour ago

        • She’s just dumping stuff off with everyone isn’t she?
          My rule of thumb Donkey: “If it gets left there a year, it goes on Ebay.” Good thing your acolytes are firmly under your hoof.

        • It is 90 degrees and humid as fuck in NYC today. I went out for a quick errand and wanted to shower afterward. I feel bad for the meeting attendees who now have to put up with stinky Julie.

          • Lol, I am quite doubting there were any “meetings” at all. To her, it just sounds good, “productive”, braggy.

    • I hope the ass-shram had complimentary shampoos and such. Otherwise what would Donkey bring as a present for her hostess? The airlines have cut back on giving out free stuff nowadays which really cuts into Julia’s gifting options.

      • Lol. I just pictured her presenting her host with a gift of honey-roasted peanuts, a warm can of soda, and an issue of SkyMall, all wrapped in a barf bag.

    • What pisses me off is the whole “There is nothing better than someone cooking for you!” like a goddamn selfish asshole.

  18. I may be mistaken, but I don’t think LaDonk has posted a single recent photo of herself — at least one that includes her head — since she and Pancakes parted ways. Of course, that is not like her. Anyone care to speculate why she’s suddenly so (lol) shy?

  19. Follow this site long enough and you can occasionally get the feeling, sometimes valid, that JABba is writing for us. Lately this feeling has been strong for me, as if she has finally exhausted her supply of friends and is relying on RBD as her sole source of feedback about her life. She tweets something guaranteed to cause a stir and rejoices in the uproar it causes here.

    A Recent Blog post (with child-porny pic of young girl eating a cone in a tiara)

    I think ice cream cones eaten while wearing tiaras probably makes the ice cream taste better. I will have to do an experiment and get back to you about the results. 😉

    Now, seriously? I’d venture that the majority of people who are aware of the Jordan tiara incident think she did it. Either this post is a sly nod to the fact she STOLE her ex-friends wedding tiara and dances around in it like Buffalo Bill doing his penis-tuck dance or she literally is still mentally twelve and under career aspirations puts “princess”. Regardless, Julia must be aware that many people think she stole her friends’s wedding tiara. Posting something like that above is so incredibly tasteless it defies explanation. It’s also part of the reason it’s so fun to slam her! Keep being gross Julia!

  20. I know this is OT, catladies, but I am bursting from excitement so I had to share:

    after an incredibly demeaning and depressing two years, one month, and one week of unemployment, today I was offered an awesome job! I am so excited I can’t decide if I want to laugh or cry. I *literally* teared up when I got to share the news with my parents and brother. I can’t believe this has finally happened.

    • Congratulations! Unemployment sucks. Spend your entire first paycheck on celebratory cocktails!

    • YAY! So happy for you!!!!! I’ve been riding the unemployment train on and off for a year and know the feeling of misery. I can’t imagine how happy you are – congrats!!!

    • Yay cupcake! I’m really happy for you 🙂 and I’m especially glad that it’s awesome and not just any old job.

      You’ve given this unemployed hater hope.

      • that’s actually exactly why I shared my news. my unemployment ran out at the end of march, so I’ve been living on my very-sad savings, and I was reaching the point of just giving up on finding a job doing what I WANTED to do and just going and working at the mall or something. my mom and I had a conversation two weeks ago where she told me I should probably stop looking in my chosen field and start looking elsewhere, which made me incredibly sad, and I felt like I had failed and I sucked and I was never going to get a real job ever again. so for this all to come through, a job doing exactly what I want to do with a company that shares so many of my values, and so quickly (I had my phone interview two weeks ago today), it’s like a dream come true. I’m even moving out of my parents’ basement, AND I’m finally leaving my home state, which I have wanted to do since I graduated high school 11 years ago.

        so, keep up the hope and just keep on keepin’ on, because you never know when something will come along and turn things around.

    • Aww yay! Concatulations!
      [img]http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llgtnsSNLc1qb01q0.gif[/img]

  21. Since apparently my ‘thing’ the last few days is to read JA’s old blog entries, here is a quote from her blog about her father.

    “When I first moved to New York and started going to the Hamptons with my then-boyfriend, he grew increasingly concerned that I was acting “like a hedonist.””

    First: OMG THE HAMPTONS.

    Second: If your father is such a series hardworker, who is living definition of the ‘Protestant work ethic’ how the fuck does he explain the permanent vacation you’ve been on for the last x number of years? Seriously? He hates hedonism? What in the how-fuck, four candy bar devouring, one column a week producing, all over the country to land a husband flying, eating out every night and never learning to cooking, f-bomb throwing, bully crying, doggie ditching, credit card expending, trust fund exploiting, no apartment having, botox injecting, no politics backing, free trip to Sweden with no ‘report’ coming, Fashion Week queuing, prom+Halloween+Christmas+Easter+week-long birthday+Tuesday costume obsessing, tweet sourcing, all night google alert refreshing, all day sleeping and picture posting, constant apartment crashing, no purpose or success showing straight up grifter whore does he think you are?

    Seriously?

    SERIOUSLY?

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