Laying It On Thick

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Happy Memorial Day and a huge thank you and God bless you to the men and women in our nation’s military services.  We are in your debt.

Even from the ‘shram, Princess Widestance-GapeJaw (hi Princess Widestance!) is still laying it on thick. Does anyone ever remember her ever mentioning the military on Memorial Day — or at all — in all the years she’s been “lifecasting?” So very, very subtle, this one. But she is suffering, y’all. Suffering so terribly that she has posted a picture of her horrifying feet alongside a copy of The Road Less Travelled with the caption: “Trying to heal.” Bwahahaha. Subtle!

Almost as subtle as this:

84 COMMENTS

  1. She’s so transparent it’s embarrassing. Not only is she RT’ng Cindy, but she’s posting asinine screenshots from a text convo with someone who’s in her phone as “beiber!!” She obviously hopes that her idiot 18-year old supporters will think it’s the real deal since, you know, she was almost a McCain and is therefore famous by proxy.

    Never Say Never, bunnies!

    P.S. Glad to see that the Ashram looks just as unappealing as ever thanks to La Donk’s photostream…despite being upstate and supposedly in a state of perpetual meditation and healing. Serenity, you’re doing it wrong.

    • Probably because she’s not supposed to be using her phone there.
      Just a guess. I don’t know the rules of this place, but generally the idea of places like it is to unplug from society. Of course rules don’t apply to our special snowflake.

  2. I bet when she took the second photo she thought this is the yogaest pose that anyone could ever pose, because what the fuck is this?

  3. That fauxto must be code for:
    YooHoo, boys! The clam dungeon is aired out & back open for business!

    • No, it was her weirdo attempt to impress a married billionaire who’s into yoga…but not into Donkey.

        • I would really stop and learn new poses if people referred to a picture of me as “airing out my clam dungeon” and I had to say “you are going to have to be so much more specific about which photo like that you are talking about.”

          • Right? “Airing out the clam dungeon” applies to more pictures of her than not. Which is very silly.

          • “Airing out the clam dungeon” and “deep-throating comestibles” are the only captions needed for a Donkerina coffee-table book.

  4. I will never understand how someone who does as many fauxto-shoots as she does can somehow always manage to find the most unflattering poses possible. It’s mind-baughling.

  5. That widestance seems almost physically impossible. I just tried to recreate it for the huscat and couldn’t do it without serious discomfort—and I’m 5’9″ and did ballet for what seems like centuries. Stubby-legged Donkerina must have been in pain!

  6. I think if she puts down the self help books and picks up some actual literature, she would really start to “heal”.

    • I think if she put down the computer and stopped “lifecasting” for six months and entered intensive therapy instead of intensive improv, she might have a chance of becoming halfway human. But we all know that’s not going to happen.

    • I find that time heals most wounds. That’s why I like to pick at mine every few hours; it keeps them fresh, painful and visible.

      You’re welcome.

    • You know what? She’s a misery/pain junkie. I just read that fucking passage she put up from the Franzen essay and it struck me that she LIKES to be in pain. She wallows in it. She’s not happy unless she’s moaning/bitching about the one that got away and how she’s toiling so bravely to heal. She goes on and on like this after every breakup. She gets off on it, I am convinced.

      • I just read the article and was amazed at the parts that she didn’t select. There were parts that seemed like they were speaking to people JUST LIKE HER. With all the pics on facebook…

  7. Haha! The fauxga picture gets me every time. Who was she trying to impress with that one?

    And the widestance pose? Hideous! Almost everything she posts or tweets now is done with Jack in mind. Those poor unsuspecting McCains have no idea how hard this beast clings when she’s ignored or rejected.

  8. If you are trying to attempt to look slim by standing with your legs that far apart – perhaps you should buy a different outfit or bigger size. Just a thought.

  9. Um, isn’t Memorial Day for the Deads? since it’s not Armed Services Day, right? Fine, salute the troops and all, but it’s for the Deads, no?
    (I am a USA American, born to OMGImmigrant parents, but raised in Winnetka, some would say fancier than OMGWilmette, but then again, one of the parents died, so that’s a terrible mark on me, cuz you know, broken family!)

    • Yes, the holiday for the living service members and vets in the US is the November holiday (Veterans’ Day here, Armistice Day everywhere else).

    • Ha! I was at a party this weekend and someone gave my cousin’s Marine husband a red, white and blue balloon and said, “Thank you for being in the military.” He said, “Thank you, but I’m not dead yet.”

  10. With her giant wide stance she can take 4 Fleet Week Dongs at once! I’m sorry but that is what she’s suggesting, yes? Because that’s all I can see in this faux-to.

  11. she has to have her legs partially bent, like she’s doing a plie (or, alternately, hovering over a dirty toilet seat, trying to not touch it while pooping), in that pink dress picture. there’s no other way that legs could appear so straight while being so incredibly wide open.

  12. I can’t believe she hasn’t figured out a way to get weekly photoshoots to go along with her weekly drivel at TMS. I’m sure she’d get Dad$er to pay for them, if only they would run them.

    That’s what she did at Time Out, right? Because there’s no way they would pay for that egofest bullshit week after week… is there?

    • I never worked for TONY but I have worked for other publications where doing an on-spec photoshoot with staff members was a standard “audition” process for photographers.

    • What would the accompanying photos be of? Tarantulas?
      Also, she barely puts any work into her half-assed “columns.” I doubt the Tribune people have the patience to facilitate photo shots, especially since her pieces are running in like three publications.

  13. I haven’t been able to read all the comments from the past couple of days so, apologies as I’m sure this has already been said but….it sure didn’t take her long after Jack to start using the word “fucking” again did it? Guess she no longer needs to be classy and refined now that she’s not molding herself in to a political wife.

    Oy Bray.

  14. first time caller, longtime listener. I just couldn’t not point out the parts that she LEFT OUT of the Franzen quote:
    “But if you consider this in human terms, and you imagine a person defined by a desperation to be liked, what do you see? You see a person without integrity, without a center. In more pathological cases, you see a narcissist — a person who can’t tolerate the tarnishing of his or her self-image that not being liked represents, and who therefore either withdraws from human contact or goes to extreme, integrity-sacrificing lengths to be likable. ”
    So by NOT including this in the parts she puts on her blog, is she self-aware bc she knows how this looks? Or is she doing the usual skipping-over-the-parts-that-pertain-to-her bc she’s so NOT self-aware? discuss.

    • I missed the quote you’re talking about, but you seem to be making an excellent point.

      Howeve, you should know that Donkey rarely includes complete quotations unless the quotation isn’t attributed and doesn’t have any quotation marks.

    • Excellent catch, Miss Donkerina. I think that Donkey willingly refuses to acknowledge how it pertains to her, but she does know on some level that if it contains the word ‘narcissist’, then it carries considerable truths about herself.

      Talk about not seeing the forest for the trees — all those self-help books are wasted on Donkey if she won’t take off the blinders & ACTUALLY READ ‘EM.
      I guess her processing skills are non-existent & that’s why all the pretense of time spent intellectually. Hey, maybe she doesn’t cook for herself because she can’t read & follow instructions?

      • there is also this section
        “If you dedicate your existence to being likable, however, and if you adopt whatever cool persona is necessary to make it happen, it suggests that you’ve despaired of being loved for who you really are. And if you succeed in manipulating other people into liking you, it will be hard not to feel, at some level, contempt for those people, because they’ve fallen for your shtick. ”
        and also this
        “Our lives look a lot more interesting when they’re filtered through the sexy Facebook interface. We star in our own movies, we photograph ourselves incessantly, we click the mouse and a machine confirms our sense of mastery.

        And, since our technology is really just an extension of ourselves, we don’t have to have contempt for its manipulability in the way we might with actual people. It’s all one big endless loop. We like the mirror and the mirror likes us. To friend a person is merely to include the person in our private hall of flattering mirrors. ”
        Point being, everything that is basically yelling “YES, I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU, JULIA” is flat-out ignored, or at the very least not worthy of inclusion in the quotes she cherry picked for her post.

      • totes agree.. she is self aware and saving using or including the word “narcissist” in one of her comments until she needs this place to explode with activity.

    • Can I just say that I really don’t like Franzen’s books, and I think that essay is full of stupidities. There I said it, lying back down now.

    • Oops. I just said this up above before getting down here. Mistakes were made!

      But you said it much better. So, scratch what I said above and ummm err oops. What she said.

  15. OMG, a shout out from Jacy?

    A huge thank you and God bless you, Jacy. I am in your debt. 😉

  16. [ashram billboard] | “Better than drugs or alcohol.”

    To each his own (escapism), but you need to face reality at some point in your life, Donkey.

      • And all those people partying it up over the holiday weekend with their friends. SO much more fun to be in isolation at a janky looking ashram on the start of summer, bunnies!

  17. Totally off topic. I’ve had a Tumblr for more than three years and I have never, ever seen one of her posts reblogged. Not once. Other Tumblrers out there, have you?

      • It’s struck me as rather odd (extraordinary for Tumblr), and sad. She really is a Billy no mates.

    • I’ve been on tumblr since it’s beginning and I don’t think I have seen her posts ever reblogged as something praising or agreeing something she posted. The times I see her reblogged, it’s usually someone ripping her a new one for something stupid she wrote.

  18. for the love of God. Give it a rest, Julia. I just think it’s a riot that she’s handing out advice on how to handle a breakup.
    “You must get THROUGH the pain… or at the very least wallow in misery and boo-hoo on the internet to remind your ex over and over and over how sad and broken you are. There, now. Feeling better?”

    • & now you’re wearing those dark glasses special made for blind people …

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