UPDATE: When You Don’t Want The Latest Guy Who Dumped You To Know How Depressed You Are About It, Be Sure To Blog About It


What is it about “not broadcasting your personal life online” that she can’t quite grasp? What is behind the need to spew out her pain like she appears to be spewing out pumpkin innards above, when she supposedly cannot handle the criticism that comes with it? There can be only one reason, no? To make him feel sorry for her so that perhaps he’ll take her back. Next up: Some kind of illness and/or pregnancy scare.

I will never, ever the Donkey.

Because most days, I honestly cannot remember.

All I can remember is how much I miss him.

Why is it that with the ending of a relationship, some people focus on its flaws, but others (me) focus on everything that was right together? I do this EVERY TIME.  It seems like it would be easier to view a newly past relationship in a harsh light (maybe of reality, or maybe of pessimism), but I can’t bring myself to do that. It seems disrespectful to what we had.  Am I just making things harder on myself?

Starting on Friday, I’m headed to the ashram (again, yes, again) in upstate New York.  Hopefully it will center me, allow me to regain my focus, and perhaps speed the process of moving on.  I’m trying so hard … I’ve planned this upcoming trip to New York, then back for a big family celebration (including my brother and his wife) for my mom’s birthday, then a week in LA, and an intensive improv class here in Chicago.  I’m throwing myself into work, both with the column and other items (um, I rewrote my entire press kit last night.) I organized my bathroom cabinets.  I played with my dog. I watched Gossip Girl & GLEE.  I talk to three or four friends every day.  I’m trying, but it’s up and down, up and down.  Some days are good.  Others (like today), not so much.

I promised myself I wouldn’t grieve publicly, mainly because, while I don’t mind if you see the pain, I don’t really want him to know.  So I go back and forth between finding writing/talking about it highly therapeutic and trying to put the whole thing out of my mind, pretend it doesn’t exist and (as my mother suggested) “fake it till I make it.”

I’m not sure which is the “right” way.  Is there one?

UPDATE: Looks like Donk’s all-nighters paid off, because she successfully managed to plant this Donktastic item with the New York Post:

Jack McCain and media personality Julia Allison have called it quits. The 25-year-old son of former presidential candidate John McCain was set up with Allison, 30, by his older sister, Meghan, in November. They moved in together in early March but broke up this month after Jack, a military man like his father, learned he would be stationed in Guam for three years starting in September. “This is an amicable heartbreak,” Allison said in her blog, NonSociety. “As silly as it feels to write that out. We will stay friends, absolutely.” She declined to comment to Page Six.


    • The last time she visited the Ashram was Thanksgiving, now it’s Memorial Day weekend. Is anyone willing to spend a holiday with Donks? No wonder she cleaves to these guys so quickly.

      • Srsly. It’s kind of sad that she spends these holidays at the ashram/serial killer dumping ground. But then I realize that it’s probably an attempt to make people feel sorry for her. Thanksgiving and MD weekend, the start of summer, are usually pretty fun, social occasions. Mostly. It’s like she’s making a show of denying herself, wanting to be alone when everyone else is getting together. It’s odd.

  1. Ashton, how can I get over the boyfriend I never loved in the first place?

  2. Is she new?! EVERYONE thinks of the good things that happened if they’ve been dumped! It’s why you feel so shitty about it. Ya fucking idiot.

    • She is constantly rediscovering the most basic things. “OMG YOU GUYS IT’S CALLED A BREAKUP BECAUSE YOU’RE BROKEN” She’s like the Pope of 13-year-old girls, issuing ex cathedra statements on the banalities of the human heart.

      As I said a while back, the Internet is her Lisa Frank binder.

    • i thought the exact same thing. i read that and thought, “what the hell? is this your first break up? are you really 30 and just figuring this out?”

    • Yeah. Who are these mysterious people who sit there and consider the bad things after a break-up? Maybe the breaker-upper, but she would never know that, since her ass is always getting dumped.

      • She gives herself away here. She’s always the one dumped on her ass because they’ve finally had their fill of Donkey Pelts, so she’s used to thinking bad about them because HOW DARE THEY?! To get over the huge blow to her ego, she tears them down. See: [redacted] bi-polar incident, Charles Foreman’s and PK’s pussification. She probably did initiate the Flapjack breakup; it was obvious how not into him she was. She’s mourning the loss of her wallet.

  3. I liked this part –

    Why is it that with the ending of a relationship, some people focus on its flaws, but others (me) focus on everything that was right together?

    And what was so right together?
    OMGMcCain! Pancakes is almost famous and rich!
    Donkey doesn’t have to work, pay rent, cook, clean or take care of Lily.
    She can spend all day shopping, taking tennis lessons, walking on the beach and going to garden shows.
    She wasn’t in a relationship. She was on Vacation.

    • Didn’t they break up because she was so fucking concerned about the flaws???!! Has she already forgotten that their relationship would be the end to both their Big Dreams??

      Maybe she should focus on achieving her Big Dream instead of obsessing over boys. What the hell is her Big Dream, anyway? God, I hope it’s not really to become a cult figure and make FU money, because that is beyond stupid.

  4. Oh look, someone leaked news of the break-up to Page Six: http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/amicable_ache_zp7uZyFSYvJZkQ3oRbHGMM#ixzz1NSjcRyyi

    Jack McCain and media personality Julia Allison have called it quits. The 25-year-old son of former presidential candidate John McCain was set up with Allison, 30, by his older sister, Meghan, in November. They moved in together in early March but broke up this month after Jack, a military man like his father, learned he would be stationed in Guam for three years starting in September. “This is an amicable heartbreak,” Allison said in her blog, NonSociety. “As silly as it feels to write that out. We will stay friends, absolutely.” She declined to comment to Page Six.

    • “She declined to comment to Page Six.” SHIIIIT Page Six doesn’t even need a fucking comment from her because her entire blog is a shitty break up press release!!!

      • She didn’t need to comment because she tipped them off in the first place.

        Page 6 has really gone down the shitter since Richard Johnson left. Under him, they’d never get used like this, not by a lowly donkey, at least.

        • Under him, they’d never get used like this, not by a lowly donkey, at least.

          It’s not her. It’s the PR firm Dadsers hired. They’re running this as a down payment on actual juicy gossip about one of the firm’s real clients.

          They used to do that in the Johnson days, too. It’s how these columns have worked since the 1920s.

          • And that’s why nobodies hire these PR firms—they’re hoping to coattail on the clout that the actual famous people have.

        • She’s tipped them off about herself before. And this reeks of her fat hand in it.

          • It’s too literately written (yes, the Donk is even less literate than the average celebrity flak, how sad is that). Also, Dadsers probably got on her case about how he was dropping big bucks for no PR payoff…

        • Page Six is so fucking bad now. ALL they do is veiled press releases from nobodies, about nothing, and what brand of liquour that nobody drank at that nightclub you’d never want to go to. Kind of perfect for JA.

    • Looks like Lasagna or one of her flunkies has been hard at work leaking items from fake email addresses. This reads like a press release straight from Julia – how they got set up, the move in date of March (during SXSW bunnies!!) etc. This is even funnier and more transparent than the hilarious Jay Cutler plant with Julia drinking water!

      And Jay is engaged to Kristen Cavallari now. So tiny and cute!

      • Ya, not just March but “early March”. Has JABa’s hoof prints all over it.
        Page 6 should run a correction: Lillydog is the one that moved in with Pancakes. JABa was only there long enough to drop her off then come pick her up again when it was all over.

        • I did that too. When I was a summer intern for a major fashion house. It took about 30 min. So thats your full day of throwing yourself back into work? Wow. Gold star for you.

    • Is she INSANE? (Don’t bothering answering.) This has her hoofprints all over it and proves her to be the tacky famewhore we know and loathe. Sure the McCains will be thrilled.

    • Um, wha?!?! They didn’t move in together in “early March,” and she knew about Guam from the beginning. I mean, it’s Page Six, but can’t they get some facts straight? Oh, wait, if they referred to the “truth,” there would be nothing to report other than “Julia Allison, expert humblebragger, has failed again in her desperate quest to bag a husband before her self-imposed expiration date.”

      I will never the Donkey.

      • I mean, it’s Page Six, but can’t they get some facts straight?

        No, they just ran whatever the PR firm sent them (in return for future juicy scoop about the actually famous clients). It’s how they roll.

        • Thanks for reminding me why I’ve never wanted to take the PR route. I know it pays well, but I’d have to vom in the shower every morning getting ready for work (and again when I got home at night).

          • Seriously. Imagine having to leak some nobody’s latest failed relationship with a semi-nobody. However, I am not convinced that’s the way this went down. When Donkey’s up to no good, she generally claims she is VERY VERY BUSY AT WORK and planning so VERY MANY TRIPS and starts blogging and Tweeting like a maniac in order to throw suspicion off herself.

            She clearly wants the whole world to know they’ve broken up and that she’s miserable. She wasn’t getting enough attention, from her “readers” or Pancakes — or was getting told to get over it — so she fired up one of her fake e-mail accounts and got to work. Hi Morning Muffin!

          • The writing of that item is so NY PR agent standard.

            Also, as if the Donk would have refused comment to Page Six EVER.

          • That may be true but Donk is quite capable of taking on a NY PR agent writing style. She was up rewriting her press kit all night, after all!

    • This whole post is because of that article. It reads like a nutjob introduction to the cray that is her life.

      • She’s bragging. That a PR firm. Placed an item. In a gossip column. About her being dumped by a boring mini-McCain.

        I am telling you that if she had managed to pull off an “oops!” pregnancy, she could have sold exclusive pictures to this magazine.

        Talk about tiny and cute, bunnies!

    • EDIT….
      Failed Internet famewhore Julie Albertson has been porked and then dumped by Jack McCain, the Top Gun wannabe son of failed presidential candidate John McCain, who like his father, can’t keep it in his flight suit.

      Allison, who claims to be 30 but appears to be 54, was tossed out of McCain’s California playboy pad earlier this month after McCain discovered that, in his words, “the bitch was way more trouble than she’d ever be worth.” He added: “Sweet dog, though. I miss the dog.” Albertson declined comment to Page Six.
      …END EDIT

    • “moved in together”

      Wow. Donkeyism at his finest, and the surest sign that she leaked this to them herself. She spent a few nights there!!! JESUS!!

    • She totally leaked it herself. I bet the McCains’ won’t be happy about that in print. What a freak.

    • Personally, I think Jack’s breakup with Lilly was more newsworthy than his breakup with Donkey.

    • She needs to learn the difference between humblebragging and humiliating. How is leaking this “story” beneficial? Sure, you get your name back in print, but at the cost of looking like a total dumbass. Good job.

      At least Page Six got the whole Nonsociety = blog bit right.

    • Well, it looks like Dadser’s checks to that PR firm are finally paying off!!1!



    • “I know we can’t see each other anymore, but is it okay if I change my last name to McCain? I really like the way it sounds.”

      • There’s nothing preventing her from being friends with Meghan and Cindy, bunnies. The restraining order just applies to Jack and the Coronado castle condo.

  5. Too many comments for me on RBNS before 8 am but LULLLZ, look what I got from Geico this morning, think Jules will participate?!:

    “Dear NOSTRILS O0,

    Have you heard about the Soldier Ride by the Wounded Warrior Project? It’s coming to the Chicago area on Saturday, June 4th and it’s a great way to show your support for wounded men and women of the United States Armed Forces.

    The Soldier Ride provides injured soldiers with the opportunity to heal physical and emotional wounds through an exhilarating cycling experience. Even more important, they experience the support of their community. The best part? You can participate in this inspiring GEICO-sponsored event as a spectator or as a rider.

    For complete details or to sign up for the ride, just visit 2011 Soldier Ride National Tour. Don’t miss this great opportunity to join GEICO in its 75-year tradition of supporting the military, and to say thanks to some local heroes who have sacrificed so much to protect us.


    Tony Nicely
    Chairman “

  6. She is so pathetic. My guess is that this is all part of her effort to get him back. Whish is so retarded, because EVERYONE KNOWS the best way to get a guy back/get a guy to want you is to act like you don’t care and have a fabulous life without him. Is she really this dumb? She is, isn’t she.

    Also, her allusions to working so hard are laughable. She has a 500 word column to write once a week. What else is she throwing herself into? A press kit? Haha, she’s still trying to make her dumb blog happen.

  7. Airbnb getting into this space could make it more safe and affordable (fingers crossed that an easier way to sublet could bring prices down all around). It’ll definitely be more seamless, given Airbnb’s system of reviews and reputation. Even though I finally have my name on a lease now, I can’t wait for this feature to go live.

    Love the legalese. She didn’t say she was paying rent…just that her name was on the lease. Oh, Dadsers, you must be sooooooooo proud of your li’l dumplin’.

    • I believe that was written by Caroline, not Julia. But that does sound like something Julia would say anyway.

      • Have these dummies never heard of VRBO? It’s not that hard to find a short term rental from a reputable site.

        • Airbnb is also good, though. They have a less 1997-looking interface than VRBO and fewer angry olds.

          • Airbnb.com is also much more affordable. I rent my Chicago apartment out to fund my vacations since I’ve been unemployed, and I’ve been able to rent all over the country for less than what I charge for my place. I use the excess for airfare and food – or, in NYC, I stay with friends and buy groceries/dogsit/housesit in exchange, which means I make out ahead. Airbnb.com is mostly capitalizing on what New Yorkers have done forever – sublet while you’re out of town – whereas VRBO and its ilk are mostly vacation properties purchased specifically for income. I couldn’t afford to do what I do, being jobless, via VRBO, but I can with Airbnb (which is often more cost-effective than hostels, and I’ve been able to meet cool people all over the place).

  8. So in her blog she says she is going to the Ashton… I mean Ashram… starting Friday, but then she tweeted this:

    @GabbyBernstein – We missed our phone date! But I’m flying to NYC on Thurs, will be there until Fri June 3. In person date? xo

    So is she going upstate to get “centered” at the ashram or is she going to be in the city until June 3 for “dates?” At least TRY to keep your stories straight Julia!

  9. This is a joke. This whole post is because of that gossip item hitting page 6 today, see notes below:

    Because most days, I honestly cannot remember. (seeing as all you new readers have come over from the page six story, I’ll direct you to all the gory details of the break-up at the front)

    All I can remember is how much I miss him. (please feel sorry for me)

    Why is it that with the ending of a relationship, some people focus on its flaws, but others (me) focus on everything that was right together? I do this EVERY TIME. It seems like it would be easier to view a newly past relationship in a harsh light (maybe of reality, or maybe of pessimism), but I can’t bring myself to do that. It seems disrespectful to what we had. Am I just making things harder on myself? (IM SUCH A GOOD PERSON, I DIDN’T DESERVE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIT END)

    Starting on Friday, I’m headed to the ashram (I’m so deep and meaningful) (again, yes, again) (I’ve been more than once, because I’m the brunette Elizabeth Gilbert but no-one knows it yet!!!!) in upstate New York. Hopefully it will center me, allow me to regain my focus, and perhaps speed the process of moving on. (Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth) I’m trying so hard … I’ve planned this upcoming trip to New York, then back for a big family celebration (including my brother and his wife) for my mom’s birthday, then a week in LA (I’m SO in demand, I have to live in 20 different cities), and an intensive improv class here in Chicago. (SEE how interesting I am, HIRE ME, IM DOING IMPROV) I’m throwing myself into work, both with the column (I write too, did I mention I also take IMPROV?!) and other items (um, I rewrote my entire press kit last night.) (I’m so important I have a press kit) I organized my bathroom cabinets. I played with my dog. (PUPPY!!!!) I watched Gossip Girl & GLEE. (IM SO RELEVANT AND DOWN WID DA TEENZ) I talk to three or four friends every day. (People LOVE me, I have so many friends, who talk to me all *snap* the *snap* time) I’m trying, but it’s up and down, up and down. Some days are good. Others (like today), not so much.

    I promised myself I wouldn’t grieve publicly, mainly because, while I don’t mind if you see the pain, I don’t really want him to know. (HE’S MEAN, I DONT WANT HIM TO KNOW) So I go back and forth between finding writing/talking about it highly therapeutic and trying to put the whole thing out of my mind, pretend it doesn’t exist and (as my mother suggested) “fake it till I make it.”

    I’m not sure which is the “right” way. Is there one?

    I can never, the donkey.

    • I almost felt bad for her for a minute with the first paragraph or two, but then remembered who this is and why she sucks.

    • the only thing missing is the blatant name-checking of her friends – guess OMG Randi is too busy with her newborn to nurse her back to health

    • This is exactly, precisely spot on. And the “tell” of her tipping of Page Six – thoughtfully directing Page Six readers to her version of the breakup.

      Jack, I would say that we told you so, but I suspect that many, many, many people told you so.

    • For her long time readers, the “I promised myself I wouldn’t grieve publicly…” is ‘Tee hee, oops, I’m going back on something I said, once again, but you can’t judge me!”

      Also, OF COURSE she wants him to know. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t post it publicly. In her demented brain, she thinks that if he sees how vewwy, vewwy sad he is making her, he will want her back. That isn’t how it works.

      Also, if this is supposed to be her companion piece to the Page 6 leak, she is doing it (unsurprisingly) WRONG. Jules, this doesn’t make you look sympathetic, it just makes you look PATHETIC.

  10. “I’m not sure which is the “right” way. Is there one?”

    Julie, you’ve got to really just put your focus on your cross-country escorting gigs. That will help.

    Which your father pays the airfare for.

    • I know that the escort theory is ordinarily meant as a slam, but I’d have a lot more respect for her if this turned out to be her livelihood — she’d really be earning all that discretionary income. Added advantage: that memoir would actually be of interest.

      • I don’t use it as a slam, necessarily. For me, it’s the only explanation that makes sense, given how much money she spends on a regular basis.

      • She doesn’t have enough discretion to be an escort. I think she has a little money from mom and dad + a mountain of credit card debt.

        • Quite possibly. I forgot that if you just make the minimum payments on cards you got when you were in college, they keep upping your limits.

    • Seriously. What a naked attempt to get his attention. “Please I’m still not over you HELLO!!!! What we had was special YOO HOO!!!!”

    • Your comment made me realize: he hasn’t communicated with her AT ALL since the breakup, has he? Despite Donkey’s repeated assertions that the split was “amicable” and that “they remain friends”, all this noisy braying and hoof stomping is the result of him giving her the silent treatment. If he was still talking to her she wouldn’t be sobbing over the memory of “the beep of his text messages”.

      Sorry if this was obvious to the rest of you. I tried to read some of her post-breakup crap but she is such a godawful writer.. Julia, if I were you I would consider making all my dates chaperoned from now on. You obviously need some guidance like “don’t try to move your pink, lolita-esque belongings into his parents house within 45 days” and “don’t handjob when you can handshake”.

      • You need a gravatar … may I suggest?[img]http://www.saynotocrack.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/batter-blaster.JPG[/img]

  11. Just like any & everyone else in Donkey’s orbit gets worn down & needs a break from Donkey, even Donkey needs a well-deserved break from Donkey, so, to an extent, I commend her for seeking temporary respite at an ashram.

    Since Donkey is continually unwilling to acknowledge what everyone else (even she on some subconscious level) knows (that she needs psychological therapy & possibly even psychotropic med maintenance), & she’s incapable of creating / maintaining a calm, peaceful environment of her own, then immersing herself into structured harmony is the closest she’ll get to momentarily furloughing herself from the perpetually hellacious existence she’s created for herself.

    What she really ought do though is take a genuine sabbatical — a long-term braycation from being Donkey, particularly a much-needed estrangement from the parent$ who are deep-rooted enablers, is likely the only thing that will cause her to realize what in essence has thus far been an empty & wasteful 30-years-long journey.

    • yeah, but that would take time away from finding a rich husband. she’s not getting any younger!

    • Ehhh, forget it, scratch that, I take it all back. I really did mean it from a compassionate standpoint when I started composing it, but at that point, I didn’t know that Julia Allison Baugher had just leaked to Page Six her failed attempt to snag Jack FuckYouMoney McCain.

      Lasagna should be along shortly to divulge damaging McCain gossip to RBD. That’s how this works, right? Once Donkey realizes she doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting the guy back, she goes on the warpath.

      What’s weird to me is that yesterday, after 1st mention of the ashram, I immediately contemplated that the real purpose of Donkey’s trip might be to meet up w/ Lasagna, her always-obedient partner in crime. Then I thought: ‘Nahhh’. And yet, here Donkey is, setting in motion her usual retaliatory game play, which always includes one or more appearance by Lasagna.

    • How is it that you are able to call someone’s life “empty & wasteful”? That is a harsh judgement. Everybody has their own path and JA may come into her own someday. She may have issues, serious psychological issues, but that means she is more deserving of empathy than judgement.

      • Well, she has been horrible and mean to me. So I don’t care much. I find it more constructive to show compassion and empathy for people who, to me, are deserving.

        • Ok, so if she has been so horrible and mean to you: why don’t you move on? Find your bliss sans JA or RBD.

          • Why don’t you move on? Seriously, why are you reading a snark site devoted to someone you claim not to know personally?

          • I was bored today! And you people are very easy to rile up. I think you need to start a conspiracy theory blog.

          • for us to know and for you to find out. neener neener…. you have three ivy degrees ,, figure it out. Lots of resources on the side bar, maybe you will learn some things.

        • Yay! I said the same thing a few posts ago about Donkey’s tweeting the word — maybe it’s actually Julia defending Julia?

        • Maybe I’ve read too many British novels. Or maybe I’m just a scientist who doesn’t nitpick everything. It’s probably a combination of both. There’s really nothing wrong with how I spelled judgement. Nor is there anything wrong with your spelling. I just don’t like how it looks. If you have ever studied language, you will know that there are no hard and fast rules. That’s why Merriam-Webster is now including words like lol in the dictionary. In any case, I am not the donkster. So sorry to disappoint.

          • Lasagna, they’re called “British” and “American” spelling conventions for a reason.

            And people who are all “Oh, I’m not trying to be pretentious, I just like how {the other convention} looks” are indeed trying to be pretentious.

            100% FAIL.

          • Albie- You’re flat out wrong. About my identity and about my supposed pretension. Let me be more clear: as I was typing out the word judgement, I had a slight hesitation and thought that I might be spelling it incorrectly. But it looked nice with an e and has a certain symmetry to it. I’m not inclined to go looking up words in dictionaries unless I am utterly confused. The word looked good enough to me, with the e. If you find that to be pretentious, well then I’m sorry I forgot to tell you about my two ivy league degrees. I wouldn’t want to be labeled pretentious without deserving the label.

          • Did you make that baggage check, Donkey?
            Should you be online in mid-flight?

            Of course it’s her; she can’t resist checking in w/ RBD to see what the blowback is after she succeeded in leaking to Page Six & Politico.

          • I think “judgement much” is the whack-job nutrition scientist (or whatever he was calling himself) who was going bonkers on Twitter, trying to stick up for Donkey during her “SUGAR MUST BE OUTLAWED” meltdown. That person bragged about two ivy league degrees and had the exact same arrogant demeanor. Total asshole.

          • You guys have some crazy theories that are not based in reality. Shows how in touch you are. Who is Lasagna again?


          The most important thing is that someone is saying mean things about a spoiled, narcissistic Daddy’s girl on the Internet.

        • Well, if you don’t see the benefit of basic kindness – then I’m sorry. I cannot help you see my position.

          • I find it bizarre how fixated you are on her and how you spew and affix whatever negativity you have in her direction. I’ve been accused of being her for saying relatively mild uncontroversial things. Seriously, go back and re-read what I wrote. But you guys attack, project, and attack again. Yeah, I’m such an a-hole for wondering why you can’t tone it down a little.

          • at this point this site is a part of her persona. I don’t know if she could live without the attention she gets here

      • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:
        May 26, 2011 at 11:44 am
        Lasagna should be along shortly

        judgement much? says:
        May 26, 2011 at 11:53 am
        She may have issues, serious psychological issues

        RIGHT. ON. CUE.

        Atta girl, Lasagna!
        Now, sit, girl, SIT!

        • I don’t know who Lasagna is, but it’s not me. And I’m too tired to try to figure out your pet names for the cast of characters in JA’s life.

          • Then why are you here at all? Not trying to accuse; just very curious why people who profess a disinterest in RBD are on RBD.

      • I tip my hat to you, sir or madam. Well played, coming in to do an awesome Lasagne impression after BHF&B did the online equivalent of reciting ‘Candyman’ three times in front of a mirror.

        • Her comment sure was reminiscent of a Lasagna tweet from back around the time of the Asspen fallout — what did she say, that Donkey was ‘speshul’ & ‘needs lots of love’? I don’t remember exactly.

  12. Omg she NEEDS to stop writing about this! Stop!! She makes “getting over” someone sound like a diet plan – if you eat right and exercise (or drink enough butt juice), you’ll get the results you want. You’re not supposed to heal right away! STOP. It could take years to heal. Just stop writing about it. And stop rushing it.

    She is just making a joke out of anyone who has ever really been in love and had her heart terribly broken. Not everyone has money to go to an ashram. Not everyone has three to four friends who are available to listen to them “grieve” every day (people are busy!). Not everyone has money to travel and take classes. But people get their hearts broken every day, and they don’t freaking blabbb it to the world.

    • I can’t help myself:

      I hear the clock, it’s six a.m.
      I feel so far from where I’ve been
      I got my eggs. I got my pancakes too
      I got my maple syrup, everything but you

    • My favorite is when she starts post like that with “I really don’t want to be sharing this.” And when she writes all the shit about how bad she feels and then says she really doesn’t want him to know. Bullshit. You want him so know but you think you sound less pathetic by acting like you had to share this info even though you really really don’t want to. Its your stupid hobby-blog! If you don’t want him to know then find something more constructive to do with your day. Like try paying a bill for once in your life, or going outside.

      • I highly doubt that between helicopter school and nailing coeds, Jack McCain is taking time out of his day to read through the blog of his sad 30-year-old ex.

      • “I don’t really want to be sharing this”



        My candy bar. MY CANDY BAR!! NO TOUCHEE!
        My bed, with spiders, snakes, baby tarantulas who are molting, etc.
        My personal life on any media platform shared by the likes of Loren Feldman
        The bathroom when I am taking a bath and someone says they’re only going to pee but instead they take a huge shit and stink me out
        The TV remote control when I am watching a film with Hugh Jackman in it and there is the possibility that he will remove clothing
        Anal beads

        Read and learn, Julia. Read and learn.

        • My pelts, with spiders, snakes, baby tarantulas who are molting, etc.

          Fixed that for ya.

    • Don’t lose sight of the fact that she’s not actually that emotional about this breakup. Her main regret is missing out on becoming Julia McCain. She’s just playing the part of a grieving ex because she thinks it enhances The Offficial Juli Allison Narrative.

    • I can only imagine how sick of her her “friends” are, if she is really talking to them everyday about this shit. Shut up and deal with it you asshole.

    • Transbraytion: ‘I talk to three or four friends from the internet, who’ve never met me, and spout out generic platitudes about strength and healing every day.’

      Alternative: ‘I talk to three of four of my multiple personalities every day.’

  13. ‘Interesting?! It made me physically ill. RT @shiralazar Interesting Rolling Stone article on dark side of internet fame http://bit.ly/jAMf8m

    That wasn’t the article honey. That was the 4 chocolate bars you just scarfed. Just because you are going to the ashram doesn’t mean you HAVE to binge first.

    • Funny, I was just thinking about that Kiki Kannibal story after having read the latest Social Studies article. Sure, let your daughter post videos of herself online! What’s the worst thing that could happen?

      • Ooh, good point. Also, someone posted this article a few weeks ago, when JA was on her manic bullying agenda.

  14. OT, but Churck DeGroat is one of the people that Brit Bohnet told Julia to talk to about religion in social media…. If Julia actually goes and reads her blog, I hope she sees this: http://www.drchuckdegroat.com/2011/05/facing-the-fraud/ (“Facing the Fraud”)

    (I visited the site thinking the guy would be uber-cheesy, but it’s actually a lot better than I thought)

    • Oh, now I see what she’s doing! She confused me by getting the name wrong. She’s doing the Immersion, not the Intensive.

      This is even funnier, because the summer Immersions are basically to give parents of the kids in the improv camps something to do.

      • She will quit when she sees that her fellow classmates are trophy wives from New Trier who are there because their precocious brats are in the kids’ camps. And they’ll probably all be the cool girls she looked up to when she was a freshman and they were seniors.

        • Vicodin, I hate you.

          In English this time:

          She will quit when she sees that her fellow classmates are trophy wives who are there because their precocious brats are in the kids’ camps.

          And they’ll probably all be the cool girls from New Trier that she looked up to when she was a freshman and they were seniors. (And who remember her original nose!)

          • If I had the funds, I’d try to get in just to see the real-life Donkey show up close. Alas. (Um, not really. The farther she stays away from my social and geographical circles in Chicago, the better! I wouldn’t mind meeting up with some other catladies, though…)

      • I feel like she’d be awful in improv. She’d act like everything is stupid and difficult and that any request for her to “act crazy” is just bizarre. Then she’ll do the whole thing where she takes a deep breath, tries with fullest effort to do what they want her to do while looking like she doesn’t want to do it (because she’s cool, bunnies), and then laugh at herself (totally ruining the mood). She’ll be the only one laughing of course.

        • Considering how bad she is in those DJ Mayonnaise asshole whatever videos…I can’t even imagine the torture that would be sitting through a class trying to watch her try to be funny and fail.

        • She will also furrow her brow very surriously, while the corners of her demented joker lips struggle to not smile at how ‘hilarious’ she is being.

  15. Okay, so exactly how many pictures are there of her teabagging food? Because WTF? I mean, I have a few dumb pictures of me doing nonsensical and unattractive things, but the idea of Donkerina keeping an archive of 50+ pictures of herself deep-throating comestibles just freaks me right the fuck out.

  16. A few hours until I leave for New York. Can’t wait to get on a plane again. Being in one place for so long (13 days) feels strange to me.’

    I submitted this obnoxious humblebrag to Tweeting Too Hard if you wanna go vote it up..

    • I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the Stern Fact, the Sad Self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from.
      Ralph Waldo Emerson

      Since Julia likes posting applicable quotes so much, I’m happy to include one I think applies to her perpetual traveling.
      Well except the “embracing friends” part. And the traveling to somewhere different like Naples. Oh and the waking up because she’s not sleeping.

      Forget it, I give up …

      • He goes on to say “we take our giants with us,” I think. One of my favorite of Emerson’s essays.

      • I think she finally got kicked out of Coronado on May 13 so that sounds about right. Yep – she stayed there for an entire week after the break up before Cindy and Yimmy finally hauled her ass on a plane.

        • But wasn’t she at her parents’ place “visiting”? Or does she mean “one metropolitan area” = “one place”?

          The more she talks about “needing” to be on a plane, being uncomfortable about being in “one place,” the more I’m convinced she has some deep dis-ease with herself. I mean, everything else about her is seriously troubling, but that — to me — is the biggest red flag of them all.

          People who are comfortable with themselves don’t feel the need to be flitting around all over the play, and in fact doing so makes them uncomfortable. In recovery, I’ve heard this referred to as a “geographic cure,” but her pattern seems like a geographic maelstrom.

    • For some reason I still follow Julia on twitter and this tweet of hers was right next to someone in my feed retweeting a link that shows the list of 1,500 missing people from the Joplin, MO tornado. It really puts into perspective what a huge asshole she is.

  17. I love that there are no comments, tweets and only one like on the Page Six article. Same thing with the Politico article.

    • What the hell? How embarrassing this must be for him and his family. He dates a donkey for five minutes and suddenly she’s sending out press releases announcing their break up. Is this the meltdowny cunt move we’ve been waiting for?

      • Also – how convenient that she splashes their shit all over the place and then scurries off to an asshram for the weekend.

      • seriously, and on top of it the “shacking up” over-drama is not something republicans go around shouting

        she’s so amazingly tone deaf

    • They will take my Yack (or my memories of him) when they pry him from my cold dead hooves.

      She’s never going away, never ever, McCains.
      She’s the stain you just can’t Shout Out.

    • Also “moving out of the home they share”?
      She was there for all of 5 seconds. Talk about gilding the lilly [sic].
      She’s really overselling this.

      • The calculating manipulation and desperation soars to new heights on this one.

        JABa will now forever live in the internets as the woman who “shared a home” with Jack McCain. (I pity the woman who actually gets engaged/married to to him; the donkey stench is never going to go away.)

        No, JABa wasn’t using him. Not. At. All.

        • I look forward to his next girlfriend, who will see JaBa’s name on those wedding magazines, wonder what kind of crazed bridezilla her boyfriend once dated, and googles to wind up here. I’m hoping for lots of insider tipsies.

          Of course, that is assuming Jack gets another steady any time soon, or that the girl can remain committed to a relationship with him after she sees where the dagger she is currently sheathing once rusted. (Sorry, taught ‘Romeo and Juliet’ today. Heh.)

          • Seriously can you imagine googling a boyfran’s ex and ending up here. You’d die. Literally.

          • At the very least you’d take an oath of celibacy that would probably last until you, literally, died.

        • This is Harold Ford all over again — except X 1,000. I wonder where the PR blurbs will show up next?

      • Hopefully she will throw herself out of the plane on which she is embarking. She can really make an impact that way!

  18. Catladies, I am forgetting the name of the PR firm she Dadsers hired, and I am too strung out on the medications to go through and look for it. But I need to know who is doing this, so I can be sure to disrecommend them to everyone ever.

      • Aha! So the next Britney exclusive on Page Six will be a payback for running this (and other bits about nobodies), I guess. The Sweet Smell of Success = documentary, bunnies.

  19. LOL! “Working with Causes.com” is like saying I’m “working with Twitter” when I tweet. ANYONE can use Causes, it’s a freaking FB app! (Co-founded by Sean Parker, so she’s probably on maneuvers here.)

    Please, someone suggest she support Susan G. Komen.

    • Time for a name update, darlin’. “Shared a home” is the new “Pilot”?

    • That post really deserves it’s own article here because it is so heinous (and hilarious!).

      So I am working with the kind people at Causes.com to choose two to four charities to support this upcoming year (by giving them my time, energy and enthusiasm along with small donations). The areas I’ve decided to focus on are as follows:

      A) animal welfare
      B) women – foreign (trafficking/rape/family planning)
      C) women – domestic (empowerment/mentoring/entrepreneurship)
      D) healthy eating (like what Michelle Obama is focusing on with the school lunches)
      E) military families/spouses (may or may not want to do this, given that it’s a pretty sore subject right now, but I am passionate about it)

      I could tear her a new ashram over all the angles on this (humblebragging charities? Is there no depth to which you will not stink?), but I’ll just say :

      Dear Charities,
      This may sound weird, but you do not want Julia Allison to help you. She never, ever follows through on her charity promises and she will cost you more time and energy than she could possibly donate. She dissed breast cancer victims and wounded veterans. I’d hate to see how she treats puppies.

      • This is meant for one purpose only.


  20. Og my god. She just posted a picture of a pink Vespa and thinks the helmet carrier on the back is a pet carrier. Um no, you dumb donkey. Your little dog should never ride around on the back of a Vespa dumbass.

  21. Why was it necessary to mention you moved in in March?
    2 months? That’s more embarrassing then anything

  22. Dear Julia Allison’s Parents,

    Get your daughter some help assholes.

    You truly should be ashamed.

    Go Fuck Yourselves

    • Darling, Mom$er$ told her to fake it ’til she makes it, and Dad$er$ is paying for three days at The Ashton, they are helping!

    • Seriously, with what they’re paying for the PR firm and the AFTRA dues and the maintenance on the condo, she could be in daily therapy with someone really good.

      • Eh, I worked with an “actress” once, who said to me with a straight face “I know I’m really fucked up, but I don’t want to do anything about it because it’s my drive.” Apply to Julie.

  23. YOU GUYS. Sitting in the airport at fuck o-clock this morning, my husband was reading the Post out of boredom and suddenly burst out laughing and elbowed me awake. “Look at this article,” he said. “I’m going to start saying ‘it’s an amicable heartbreak’ all the time now, like when I say bye to friends and stuff. Amicable heartbreak!Who says that?” I glanced over and made a face and said (way too loud), “DUDE! That’s the Horrible Woman! From that blog I read!” We both got way, waaaaay too much joy from this.


    Your ENTIRE ONLINE LIFE is a whitewhine.com.

    STOP VOMITTNG THIS SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE. like your horizontal fail fest of a blog isn’t enough?!? seriously, comparing yourself to some sad teenage victim of the actual vandalism and sexual assault BECAUSE PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO LICK YOUR BLUE SEUDE HOOVES AND TELL YOU YOU’RE BEEYOITIFUL? that is effed up.


  25. Oh Julia, Yoo-hoo! Can i suggest you take a different tack with your crazy?

    Pay attention: Get some potato chips, some sweet dank and the Best Coast debut album and re-order yourself girl.

    You are not doing quirky well and you are not doing crazy well. Let Best Coast guide you in another, better direction, ok?

    • But, but, Best Coast is where she LIVED, mutually shared a living space, got splattered with baby pancake batter! How could she listen to Best Coast without thinking of her magical minutes living with Jack?

      • “got splattered with baby pancake batter” – I may never be able to have sex again.

      • I know!! But the delivery is so funny where as Julia is just maudlin and terrible. I think she mostly just needs the chips, dank and healthier approach to her mind/body in general. But hey! It’s been 4 years now that people have been responding to her online reality shit, and no, she will never be cool/sort herself out…

  26. I just cannot get over the fact that this spoiled-rotten, entitled turd is still publicly wallowing in her breakup pain. WHAT. A. JOKE. She’s on a permanent vacation, so it’s not like she has to drag her sad self out of bed every morning and go to work. She sits around organizing her pictures, making travel schedules for herself, planning what she’ll wear at all of her destinations, and who she can get together with for the sole purpose of talking to them about herself. And doesn’t everybody have the money and the free time to schedule a trip to the ashram whenever something goes wrong in their lives? Also….WHO IN THE HELL has the audacity to call 3 or 4 friends every single day and cry to them about their supposedly broken heart??? I don’t think I’ve ever known of someone who has had (and continues to have) so many huge advantages in life but is addicted to victimhood.

    • Also….WHO IN THE HELL has the audacity to call 3 or 4 friends every single day and cry to them about their supposedly broken heart???

      THIS. my god, when I was going through my last breakup, I was SO VERY AWARE that my friends were not my therapist, and that there was definitely a limit to how much I could expect them to listen to me rehash the same sad emotional bullshit over and over again. I figured that if I was tired of my own sadness and thought I sounded like a broken record, then I certainly wouldn’t want to torture my friends with it. yes, you’re sad. everyone knows and expects you’re going to be sad right now. we’ve all been there. but if you need someone to spend an hour a day listening to you cry about your failed relationship, that someone should be A THERAPIST, who gets PAID to listen to you cry (and also gives you tools for better dealing with your emotions, along with strategies to avoid the same pitfalls in future relationships–so servicey!) don’t take advantage of your friends’ kindness, or they’re not going to be your friends for very long.

  27. Megabreasts must really love being saddled with the title of being the one who “set them up”, when they met at her b-day party in NY.

    Considering her radio silence during their entire relationship (despite Julia @’ing her repeatedly) I’m sure she was thrilled about the whole thing.

    • I think Mega is just as clueless and heinous as Julia. And she did tweet about setting them up, mentioning that she thought they were such a cute couple.

  28. “…my sense is that many people do not truly know how hard it is to be in a military family.”

    Like YOU do, Donkey?

    Get back to us when you can hold your own w/ a box of Girl Scout cookies, eh?

  29. Goddamit she’s pretending she went to Princeton again.

    SO annoying when she does this.

  30. Well, Jack, now you why your dad was tenser than usual after Palin’s Going Rogue came out.

    I mean, yeah, he got himself into that whole thing, and he did it without doing the slightest bit of background research on her, but she was charming at first and he thought she might spice things up. It was still pretty maddening to watch her make the media rounds, spewing her bullshit version of the truth, wasn’t it?

    Next time, dare to be different, son.

  31. Buwahahaha!!!!

  32. “How can it be, in this ostensibly enlightened age, that anyone with so little judgment, so little honor, could rise to such heights?”

    Indeed, Donkey got Mom$er$ to pen a column published in “100+” newspapers: F*cked a McCain: Get mentioned in Page Six: Will show up in faux manolos ,YSL, red soled knockoffs: Humblebrag a geriatric quilted channel bag and found someone to take care of Lily while she is at the ashram. How? Such an Elightened, Hounored Height! Indeed?

  33. I feel a flounce coming on. Someone please shut her the fuck up. I feel like JFA – I just kant with the twatter tweets and updates today.

  34. Fuck, she can’t even properly describe a poster some supposed Navy friend sent her.

    It’s a fucking single barrel pump action shotgun, tactical grip. Mistaking an AK for a shotgun, clearly misinformed, again.

    Bet she’s never had the pleasure of game hunting.

    And yeah, OT but relevant since we’re talking guns: Apparently Zucks has gone primal, won’t eat meat unless he has killed it. I appreciate that sentiment actually, makes me respect him for authenticity of beliefs.

    • I can’t even begin to describe how much I would pay to watch special snowflake donkerina affect getting all primal to land Zuckerberg. How amazing would it be to watch her go from Celiac pescetarian to full fledged butcher. I really wonder if she could do it for the billion? Is she really that cold? she is, isn’t she?

      • This comment made me choke on my coffee, it’s so funny. Donk as a full-fledged butcher in order to impress Zuck. Yes, she’d do it. She’d do it for a lot less than a billion.

    • I think that’s ridiculous. People have always eaten meat from animals they haven’t killed personally, and by “always” I mean “since the dawn of time.” Especially men; despite the illustrations in our elementary school textbooks, most of the meat that prehistoric people ate was from small animals (rabbits, etc.) snared by women.

      Don’t get me wrong, I think that everyone who eats meat should have had the experience of killing and preparing an animal, but it’s just weirdly childish to say “I’m only eating the animals I hunt myself because that’s how the cave people did it.”

  35. “A few hours until I leave for New York. Can’t wait to get on a plane again. Being in one place for so long (13 days) feels strange to me.”

    Because I need to travel constantly to give my pointless unemployed life a sense of business and importance.

Comments are closed.