Julie Albertson: Still So Bravely Hilarious Despite Enduring Such Terrible Grief Over End Of Brief Relationship

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Thank Pancakes she’s taking improv classes! The world cannot do without these kinds of scintillating quips and uproarious observations for much longer.

So … um … what does one WEAR on judgement day? It’s okay if I just stay in my PJs, right?

Just wrapped part of my mom’s birthday gift – ahead of the game, as her Bday isn’t until June 3! Of course, I’m wrapping Rachel’s present, too, and her birthday is, errr … Today. Hey, you win some and you lose some.

Dad mowing the lawn. I told him there was no point, since the world was ending, but he wanted to have a neat yard for judgement day, lest they take into account your landscaping. 😉

93 COMMENTS

    • Welp, that about does it. She’s lost her mind.
      She really needs to find a hobby that makes her run more errands or at least conversate with individuals her own age.
      I don’t think commenters on her cast nor tweets count.

  1. A predominantly conservative mid-day discussed a recent survey which detailed that today’s 22-40 crowd are moving home in historically large numbers despite having jobs *and* are expecting mommy and daddy to wipe their financial buttts despite having real jobs which the 9% unemployed would kill to have to go to everyday.

    Is Donkey evidence of a national syndrome?

    • Are these careers or “jobs”? Sure, someone could be working retail but if you got laid off from a hedge fund that doesn’t mean you can keep afloat in NYC.

      • I am absolutely all for helping out people laid off and needing help or just simply donating for the joy of giving, I have in the past to GOMI, Brianna and offered for other persons.

        I think the point of the argument was this: Moving home is not a black-eye when you need real help. But expecting Mom and Dad to keep you in a lifestyle when you’re extravagantly living above your paycheck is suspect and, per the survey, is becoming more common.

        But, given that death/estate taxes are 50% for estates above a certain amount, why not gift to maximize estate purposes?

        • Moving back home is not a black eye… pretending that you are living in said home as a result of your own awesome accomplishments is a double black eye in the face of everyone who has had to move home from actually losing work.

          Fixed that for ya.

          • And it’s a triple black eye for those of us who don’t have a “home” to move back to, because our parents are dead, mentally ill, or otherwise incapable.

    • There are many cultures where it’s normal for children to live at home until they get married and start their own families because of cultural reasons (like cultures that value children supporting their elderly parents and other relatives) and because it costs so much to live on your own. Maybe the U.S.A. is moving in that direction since the cost of living in incredibly high with salaries that have not met inflation. Hopefully we will begin to value community and family moreso than the individual, leading to life not seeming so daunting like it does to many 20-somethings these days. Too many think once they leave grade school or college that they should be able to have it all, a home without roommates, money to go to bars and on trips, etc etc. We are being reminded that having those things is a luxury and a privilege, and people shouldn’t be ashamed if they have to move home for awhile. Save your money, get back on your feet, and enjoy the support of people who love you more than anyone. (I’m not speaking of Julia but others who find themselves in that boat.)

      • The thing is that Donkerina pretends she’s not living with her parents when she blogtweetfacebookshowervoms things like “Going out to my parents’ this week” and suchlike.

        (I mean, yeah, I am jealous–my dad moved into a studio apartment right after I graduated college {and while my brother was still in college} because he didn’t want to be bothered with a house.

        And then 20+ years later, when I was caring for him in his final illness, I had to sleep on an air mattress on his living room floor [he had moved into a slightly larger one-bedroom apartment, thank Jeebus] every night. For months. But at least he wasn’t bothered with a house!)

      • @Sausage and Albie. Agree with both. Welll stated.

        I grew up living with grandparents (Depression-era survivors, WWII-vet/bronze star winner) and it was great, although it did have some tough moments. Kind of like the Shannen Doherty/Wilferd Brimley “Our House” thing. And I hope I was clear that I am all for economics/prudence but against over-pampering.

        It’s funny @Sausage mentions families growing closer as I see a common thread in many enterprises the ability of familities to unite and work for a common commercial purpose. Close family relations propel many prosperous enterprises, as there is typically a common loyalty, an innate understanding of the team’s strengths/weaknesses and an inability to sacrifice for the common good.

  2. What in the fookity-fook of fooked up shite is this???? She has got to be the least funny person on earth.

  3. It’s only when watching these old VHS tapes I wish I had Amy Chua as a mom to be like “YOU SUCK AT THIS!! YOU ARE SHAMING THE FAMILY!”
    19 minutes ago from Twitter – Comment – Like – Share
    Dear God, THANK YOU for not inventing YouTube until long after my tweens. Bc the interpretive dances I filmed at age 11? Were HORRIFIC.

    She is sitting around her parent’s house in pyjamas looking at VHS of herself from when she was 11. Scary Sadshaw.

    • scarier still is that she thinks those videos from age 11 are horrific, but she has no problem with the lipdubs and all the other crimes against videography she committed from ages 22 through now.

      • Exactly. Nerdy buck-toothed little kid doing interpretative dance is nowhere near as deranged as all the horrifying fauxto shoots, in particular the orange-eyebrowed, fake cigarette Good Girl Gone Bad collection. That should be ending up in a magazine or something at some point, didn’t she claim?

        • Where is “Ballgowns and Bling”? I’ve been waiting with bated breath to make sure she didn’t screw them up.

          I NEED a JA vanity shoot! (I bet she uses comments such as these to send to her job advisers as proof that people LIKE her… they really, really LIKE her!)

    • This is funny because I find her lipdubs to be horrifyingly embarrassing.

    • Do you think we could take up a collection to get Amy Chua to read Donkerina the riot act?

      Probably too expensive, sadly, but maybe we can get some of the ex-bfs to chip in?

    • One of the best parts of not being eleven years old anymore is that you get to say that to YOURSELF.

  4. Not sure what is sadder. This? Or trying on dresses for no occasion at all on a Friday afternoon at Bloomie’s and taking photos of herself?

    Hmmm…

    This.

    • Did you see how stumpy the pink dress made her look? She looked like she had no legs.

  5. And, also, as a “writer” or “journalist,” she should know that it’s spelled j-u-d-g-m-e-n-t (no ‘e’ in there). Although with-an-‘e’ is the preferred spelling in the UK, so maybe she’s keeping in line with whatever delusional fairy tale she’s making up in her head.

    (Speaking of made-up fairy tales, her appropriation of that snippet of Chuck & Blair’s convo? Totally out of context and actually contradictory to what she thinks it meant. So she not only fails in regard to comprehension of the written weird but she also cannot correctly interpret a silly television show written for high schoolers. And, yes, GG is a dirty pleasure for me, I admit it!)

    • I’ll defend her on this one – the GPS in the previous car I owned had that mistake. Super embarrassing, but it happens. It’s just not a word that’s used often.*

      *love that we have spellcheck on this site b/c my after a few glasses of wine I misspelled “embarrassing.”

      • Yes, but…she is supposed to be a writer. Mom$er editing fail?

        (Also… Out of curiosity, why would your GPS use that word? I’m puzzled!)

        • It was in the warning message when I turned the GPS on. It said something along the lines of “please use good judgment in operating the vehicle and using the GPS at the same time.”

          • I was just out in my car, and my gps also says ‘judgement.’ my gps is built-in, not a portable unit, and I have a japanese car.

  6. I like the text exchange. Is Donkey sharing that screengrab because she thinks she’s hilarious, or because she wants to prove to all us haters that she has friend? Not friends, but friend. Possibly frenemy.

  7. OT- I was watching Jersey Housewives for the first time in my life. While I was watching I thought to myself: that annoying woman is what Julia will be like at 50 (or 35). Then I heard her name, Danielle Staub and it all came together. Wow, you cats weren’t kiddding.

    • OMG, didn’t think it was possible for RHONJ to get more over the top with Danielle’s departure this season, but it did. My one (major) vice.

  8. Totally O/T but: Does anyone have an extra Pinterest invite you could shoot my way? If so, we can exchange emails in chat or something like that. Thank you!

  9. This made me howl because it made me think of JA (from the Onion):

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/mans-life-riddled-with-continuity-errors,20492/

    Man’s Life Riddled With Continuity Errors

    DENTON, TX—Sources confirmed Friday that the life of local marketing associate Rich Hammond has been plagued by a series of glaring errors in continuity, leading many to believe it was poorly thought out, with little regard for basic logic or consistency.

    Critics said the lax attention to detail and sloppy sequencing throughout Hammond’s life range from sudden, unexpected changes in dress and facial hair to total reversals in personality that seem to contradict his previously established thoughts and desires.

    “The whole thing is kind of a mess, frankly,” observer Todd Westbrook, 45, said of Hammond’s haphazardly plotted life. “If you look at it with a critical eye, none of it makes any sense. There’s all these weird shifts in occupation and opinions and relationships, not to mention the weight gain and weight loss and weight gain again.”

    “One minute he’s living with his parents, the next he has an apartment with some girlfriend who shows up out of nowhere, then all of a sudden he’s crashing at a friend’s place in a completely different city without any explanation.” Westbrook continued. “It’s just all over the place.”

    It goes on….funny in and of itself, but hilarious when applied to our girl here.

  10. Wow, she’s just like Dorothy Parker, isn’t she?

    (Not Dorothy Parker the 20th century writer and wit, of course, but this really annoying woman named Dorothy Parker who worked at my childhood dentist’s office. Who smelled like pee and Lysol.)

    (The writer Dorothy Parker willed her entire literary estate and royalties to the NAACP.)

  11. I have had the stabbies re: this fucking idiot more than ever these last few days. I’ve been reading, as always, but this rinse/lather/repeat dumped/meltdown/self-centred-bastardness has gotten to me this time. I think it was grieve-gate that tipped me over the edge. With my dead best friends birthday approaching in the next few weeks I find it beyond laughable that this fucking muppet thinks she is grieving a guy who every chance he got fucked off in his helicopter while she fucked off on a plane to somewhere that she really, really didn’t need to be. Aaaaargh! Grieving, I mean, fucking hell – is she serious???

    Sorry for the outburst, just had to share out my stabbies. I love you Jacy and JP, keep up the amazing work!

    Oh, and those tweets/the texts – my toes are curling and cringing at the sheer unfunniness of that imbecile.

    • It’s ok Cakey. Sometimes one of the LaDonkaroo episodes isn’t our taste and induces such feelings. On the upside, you are cake, so that’s a good thing. Tomorrow or the next day there will be a new episode.

      • Yep, this episode got me. Mostly I just laugh and point at the Donkey, but every now and then her cuntishness tips me over the edge.

  12. I can’t believe I’m saying this but…Honestly, why DOESN’T someone see the opportunity to put her nutjob personality on display and create Real Housewives of Chicago? I hate those shows, I think the way they portray women is atrocious, I wish there was some sort of alternative programming out there, but this crazy biotch seems tailor made for that stuff. After all, Bethanny wasn’t married when she was originally on it and she seems to have actually evolved into a pretty decent human being–not saying this would happen to the Donkey (at all). Bethanny got her bum into therapy, which this jerk will never do.

    • I love shows which give atrocious women an opportunity to portray themselves & you’re right, Bravo is missing the boat by not having a RHOC featuring Donk.

    • Reports are that the focus groups for JAB, Meg and Mary’s failed attempt at a Bravo reality show found Julia’s personality too abrasive to stomach. It says something about Julia’s screen presence that, given some of the social misfits appearing on reality shows presently, she waas considered too unlikeable.
      But think about this. We’ve seen her do short clips and interviews and she was horrible. Could you imagine building an hour, even a half hour, around that voice, that attitude and those mannerisms?

    • slightly OT: And of course she tweet-sources whether she should buy “Naturally Skinny,” the Bethenny Frankel tome. OT-I bought it at Half Price Books (which is my donkquivalent of a Whole Foods or gourmet cupcake haus) and if you have to time to portion your food into ramekins and tablespoons it would be very useful.

      I do not. And the idea of ordering 26 bucks of salmon, portioning off 2 oz then asking the waiter to remove the rest is ludicrous. It speaks of food issues. Food is your friend and has no inherently evil properties.

      I find Bethenny amusing and the book is a quick read. She does talk a good bit re: moderation but I found the measuring thing a leetle obsessive. Not at all something our Donk should get into, lest she posts her feedbag contents on the blergh next week. Tiny! Cute!

      Also? PROTIP Donkadoo: Please spend the 6 seconds to fact-check book titles before posting to tha InterWebz. A serious bidness laydee jernalist owes it to ALL THE GIRLS. You’re welcome.

  13. If my life were that sad and pathetic I wouldn’t put it on the damn Internet…she’s really bottoming out on this one…

    Julia, we’re just going to keep on being mean, so stop giving us ammunition.

  14. Hey, Julie’s actually current! She’s talking about the rapture now, rather than a month later. She’s improving her A-game content – you haters need to cut her some slack.

  15. I am really sad to belatedly realize that the entire ‘pancakez’ affair could have been one giant ‘you rang?’ for me, because I never get to ‘you rang?’*

    And now it is over.

    (So what if mcakez has nothing to do with pancakez. I was just, like, ahead of the curb. July 18th came years early, h4t0r5.)

  16. [img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_OTyKFKJrT4/TdXZh9jRwGI/AAAAAAAAO7w/KMOrHHYtV24/s400/onback.pleasedontshowtownmailedfromorwritingonthisside.jpg[/img]

    lol wat.

    • [img]http://iamkio.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/lolcat-1april-limecat.jpg[/img]

  17. So, we have news…Greasy joined twitter! Woot! Um, T-bonz? No she did’ent.

    @taylorgreason joins @Twitter in a fit of post-apocalyptical jouissance. Can’t wait for the impending linkathon, T-bonz.

    • She calls him t-Bonz and she made a someecard for him a few months ago extolling the size of his dick. And his Twitter photo is a shot of him standing next to two large phallic symbols. Take that, Pancakes!!!

  18. Meh.

    If she drivels on about this stuff instead of Pancakes then I would say it’s an improvement.

  19. I thought of it the other day, out of nowhere because it reminded me of my dating life (ha … ha … ha).

    Donkey at the Mat(ing Game)
    There is no joy in Muleville – mighty Donkey has struck out.

  20. She’s pulling the “feminist” Julsie shit now. All the girls!

    @JuliaAllison :
    “Things seen as ‘women’s work’ are often rendered of less value in our culture.” – @katierosman in the WSJ: http://on.wsj.com/iiAhyB

    No shit donkey, no shit.

  21. i can’t be the first one to notice this, but has anyone mentioned that her infamous “I’m moving to LA!” post that she hilariously kept under her “BEST” tab has been scrubbed of any mention of LA? (California girls screenshot still remains at the top)

    http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/780122850

    these are our memories, too!

    • oops, just noticed there is a whole post about this. i’m behind on my donkdrama.

  22. Was someone staying in the Downtown condo and they had to leave because Donkey needed to move back in?

  23. …what does one WEAR on judgement day?

    So this bitch will give a hand job to anybody who will loan her a ballgown or a bauble, which she will wear to nothing more special than the opening of a candy wrapper… but it’s too much trouble for her to change out of her stinky, crumb-covered, mascara-stained PJs for God Almighty on His big day??!!

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