Here We Go Again: Donkey Continues To Never Read Here

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What amazes me …

are the people (not too many of them, but enough to notice) – strangers – who have told me how I should be feeling right now.  Or how I SHOULDN’T be feeling.  Things along the line of “Why are you upset? You only dated him for six months! You’re being overdramatic!” (but phrased much, much meaner)

For the record, you don’t get to tell people how to grieve or what relationships should or shouldn’t affect you.  I’m doing my best, I’ll get through this, it’s day by day – sometimes I feel better and sometimes I feel worse.  Like any process, it takes time.

But who are these human beings who expect me to be back to normal five days after I move out of a home with someone I loved – someone I STILL love?

And if I were “back to normal” – whatever that means – would those same people write that I had never loved him in the first place?  Because I got a few of those comments throughout the relationship (“You don’t write about him enough, you must not love him.” “You don’t talk about him in a certain way, you definitely don’t REALLY love him.”)

I have also gotten a few comments (a very few, but still) comparing this break up to my break up with Justin (aka Prom King) last spring, saying I was repeating the same emotions.  Well, grief DOES tend to look like grief, no matter what the impetus.

It’s telling, however, that absolutely NONE of my friends or family have compared the breakups – possibly because they couldn’t be any more different.  I had a bit of a breakdown after Justin, but it had little to do with him and a lot to do with my life and a series of endings, including Jordan abruptly leaving NonSociety, my need to move out of New York, a sense of confusion in my career path – and my desire to lead a different sort of life.  I cared about Justin, but I was not in love with him.  (Although he did, kindly, text me to make sure I was okay after he heard about Jack, which I thought was really sweet.)  I also didn’t go through this when Taylor & I broke up.  I care about Taylor – he’s one of my best friends – but I was not in love with him.  I cried when we broke up in early November, but then we were back to normal – better than before, even – in exactly three days.  We called it “the best breakup ever.”  All breakups are not created equal.

This breakup is entirely different – absolutely nothing is the same except the fact that I’m sad. I still love Jack.  He still loves me.  But what I want and need in life he can’t give me, at least not right now.  And while I rationally accepted that a week or so ago, I am having trouble accepting that now. We left the door open for reconciliation somewhere down the line, if things change, but I would like them to change tomorrow, and reconcile on Saturday. 😉  haha, which, of course, is not going to happen.  Jack’s a lot more level-headed than I am! (Don’t think I don’t find the irony in the fact that I started the break up conversation and now I’m the one who doesn’t like the consequences!!)

Jack told me today to “get out of bed and have some fun.” I hate to admit he’s right.  I need to try to climb out of this sadness, and I’m taking the steps to do that.  I’ll get there.  I have before, I will again.  It just doesn’t exactly feel like it’s going to be an overnight switch.  I’m a human being, not a robot. I can’t just TURN OFF my heart.  Although, frankly, right now I wish I could.

I’m lucky that my friends and family are being kind to me and kind to my heart.  They are rallying around me and that means so much.  They know how much he meant to me.  Many strangers are being kind, too.  But for those few who aren’t, I would ask you this: why judge someone for how they react to loss?  Is that really the kind of life you want to live, telling someone how they should feel?  Would you want a stranger to tell you how you should be feeling?

Life is full of loss and disappointment. We never really know what someone else is going through – what contributing factors led to their reaction, how it all mixes in and plays together.  We have to be able to grieve in whatever way we need to get closure and give proper respect to the loss.  Beating ourselves up for mourning in the first place is ridiculous.  The grieving process – whether it’s a life or a relationship – is not straightforward.  It’s not one-size-fits all.  Two years ago, one of my friends ended a ten year relationship barely shedding a tear. The same friend ended a three month relationship and fell into a depression so deep we were worried for her life.  Sometimes you just can’t predict how people or endings will affect you, and that’s okay.

There aren’t RULES to how someone is supposed to react to something. It’s okay to feel that loss, to cry, to be sad, to be angry, to mourn the end of a friendship, a romantic relationship, or even a stage of one’s life.  Forcing yourself to NOT feel grief when you do only makes it worse.  We must be kind, be patient, and be understanding with one another, no matter how we choose to handle loss.  Because if we can’t do that with others, how can we do that with ourselves?

425 COMMENTS

    • Ohmigourd, it is supposed to be “How can we vom in the shower, Ashton?”

      You are soooooooooo stupid! How dare you not paraphrase the mumblings of an idiot correctly. I bet you feel soooo dumb right now, retardando.

  1. Ashton, how can anyone define ceasing to visit some dude you’re just getting to know after spending maybe a dozen nights in his famous parents’ condo “moving out?”

    • Can someone figure out how many days she actually spent “living” in the condo after she moved in? Is it less than 10?

      Julie, honey, you’re mourning the IDEA of him. His name, his money, his connections. You barely knew the chap. Trust.

    • Sandcastles in the Sand
      By Robin Sparkles

      Met you at the mall
      Didn’t know how far I would fall
      My friends said I was a fool (You’re a fool) (Shut up)
      Cause you were older and got kicked out of school (You’re so rad)
      Together we were gonna travel the globe
      From Alberta to Ontario

      But now I’m building
      Sandcastles in the sand (sandcastles in the sand)
      Thought I could fly when you held my hand (thought I could fly)
      (Now) Eternity turns to black and white
      It was the greatest week and a half
      Of my life

      We used to go to the beach
      Back when happiness was in my reach (so close)
      On our favorite bench
      We’d sit and talk and you taught me to French
      You’re good at pull-ups and have radical hair
      I hate my dad, he’s so unfair (you don’t understand our love)

      But now I’m building
      Sandcastles in the sand
      Thought I could fly when I held your hand (I was wrong)
      Eternity turns to black and white
      It was the greatest week and a half
      Of my life

      It’s crazy
      No one gets me
      Castles wash away
      Come back please
      I changed my mind
      Let’s go all the way
      I miss you

      Sandcastles in the sand (I miss your hair)
      Thought I could fly when I held your hand (I thought you were the one)
      Sandcastles wash away (I’m ready, let’s do it)
      And all that’s left is some sand the next day (sand the next day)
      Sandcastles may be… (I’m on the pill now)
      But now all they do is remind me of you (let’s go all the way, you said it’d be OK, I’m sorry)
      Sandcastles wash away

  2. Get off the Internet. If you are honestly heartbroken, go do the work you need to heal. The Internet will be there when you come back.

    • Yes. Nothing disguises the fact that she is nothing more than an idiot over sharer.

    • Julia if you over share, people will comment. Stop telling us what to do just because you don’t like what we say.

    • seriously! When I broke up with my boyfriend who I lived with for 2 years, I didn’t say a fucking peep on the internet. Not when he was a total douche when he moved out- making me pack his shit (which I did for about 2 minutes until realizing what the hell I was doing), making me stay in the freezing cold watching his van making sure none of his shit was stolen (again did that for about 3 minutes before letting him have it)…. Nothing. No one on facebook knew anything. I called my friends and family like a normal person and complained to them. This is why I will never the donkey. I would much rather take the high road after a break up, and not say anything- to the internet, to the ex. You don’t want me? Okay, let’s move on then to someone who does.

  3. Does she read here or do people email her?

    Donkey wouldn’t know real grief if it smacked her in the face, she couldn’t, she lives a life too cushioned to ever feel pain. That plus she has a raft ass.

    Bitch please, hurting after only five days AND SHE LIVED WITH HIM. She didn’t live with him for more than five days. I am embarrassed for her. Here’s what you’re really feeling Julie: you lost another man and this one was the richest, you’re getting worried now that your biological clock is running out, you’re living at home in your parents basement. That’s your pain Julie, you’re welcome

    The only way this bitch would know real grief is if The Boggers told her they’d completely run out of money. A Bogger Bankruptcy would truly cause her pain, beyond that STFU Julie you don’t know grief.

    • Seriously, I am not sure, but if you do email here, please do not poke the beast. You will never get through to her so it is a wasted, if not fascinating, effort.

      • I agree. Before I realized how crazy she was, I tried to communicate with her, to show her the light of day. Pointless. Like women who think they’ll be the ones to turn a flaming queen straight, there are always naive young RBDers who think they’ll be the ones to get Julia to see her own insanity…but both enterprises just waste time and energy.

      • Just did a twitter search; someone sent a couple of tweets using one of those creepy anonymous twitter handles. I wish whoever does this would stop.

  4. I got halfway through this rant and had to give up. The only thought that popped into my head is “none of this should be on the internet.”

    • Most people who have some experience of life and what it inevitably brings associate grief with death. You are absolutely right. This fool has absolutely no idea what grief is.

      • This.

        I agree with her that no one should judge another person’s reactions to things, but it’s also entirely appropriate to point out when someone is making a disproportionate deal out of something relatively minor.

        It’s telling, in that respect, that her “friends” and family aren’t bitch-slapping her.

    • Exactly. Jesus woman, if you’d never broadcast your every emotion 24/7, no one would take issue with any of your lies and contradictions.

      JESUS. Why is that concept so hard for her to understand?

      • Word. I was explaining earlier in chat — I had two six-ish month relationships in the period I was single after douchex and before dudebrah. I wrote a good deal about either of them, but 95% made it into stories or journals, and about 5% made it into my supertopsecretlivejournalfrom1999.

        Her publication of her break-ups are repetitious, and she is furious that someone noticed and called it out. Perhaps if she didn’t publicize her high school freshman journals all over the internet, while begging to be considered a surrious writerlady, no one would give a flying fuck. Instead, her writing reads like my 9th graders; in love with one guy one week, then broken hearted the next, and using verbatim declarations of love and love-loss a month later with a completely different dude.

        People are calling you out because your SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD. Perhaps if you didn’t repeat yourself, and your habits, and steal generously from others, including the melodramatic readings of the barely pubescent, no one would bother to do a T-chart of your ramblings… or worse, an actual Venn diagram (a real one, not that weird seventeen circle one you made up for SXSW) of the exact wording that occurs in your trite poor-me ramblings.

        Speaking of which… Jack “left the door open.” Right. Now where have we heard that before?

        • This, this, all of this! It’s hard to take the constant scolding and lecturing from a donkey who is batshit insane!!! And aside from that, she’s horrifyingly stupid.

    • She thinks she’s writing a draft for a chapter in her best-selling inspirational self-help book, a la Marianne Williamson. That’s the reason the the blather is turned up to maximum level.

  5. Jack told me today to “get out of bed and have some fun.”

    Translation: I’m already boning some blonde skank.

    • Blonde skank? How about sane, normal, non-self-obsessed woman with a job who takes care of her own dog? That would be huge turn-on for him right now, I imagine.

      My fucking man has not slept in his apartment since Christmas. He takes out my garbage and scrubs my bathtub. I still would not describe us as living together, or tell anyone he’s “moved in.” And the reason he adores me is because his last girlfriend was a deranged NPD case and compared to her, I am some kind of miracle woman, even though I am most certainly not.

      Never mind. I just can never the Donkey. Why can’t she just be normal??!??!?!

      • I bet the femto-second JA’s ass was on the plane back to Chi-town Phi Kappa Ho at UCSD got a phonecall asking when their next kegger was.

        And it was Cindy calling.

    • It was actually, “Get a life, I need to have some fun before I’m shipped off to Guam, okay? Like I told you, it’s over, go back to bed, stop calling me.”

    • “People on the internet need to stop telling me to move on and get over it.”

      “Jack said I should move on and get over it and I think he is right.”

      YOU. CONTRADICT. YOURSELF. IN. THE. SAME. POST.

  6. Ashton, who will buy that little Donkey in the Window?

    With its bray bray here and bray bray there?

  7. Boo FUCKING Hoo.

    “But what I want and need in life he can’t give me”

    No one will ever be able to give you what you want and need in life Julia. NO ONE. It is not humanly possible for someone to give you as much attention as you desire. The only person capable of worshiping you as much as you desire to be worshiped is you.

    Go fuck yourself!

  8. Julia, take a page out of Ashton’s playbook, or of any celebrity you’re frequently tweet-stalking, really, and ignore the voices of random strangers. Your quality of life will improve significantly and we’ll still be rocking the basements. Everybody wins. Trust.

  9. “I still love Jack. He still loves me.”

    Wow, the McCains really told her exactly what she needed to hear to get the fuck out of their lives without making (much of) a scene. But keep telling yourself he still loves you, dear heart.

  10. Here’s the other thing: she said “Oh, I’m going to lie low and not be on the Internet for a while” and it was clear that the breakup was coming and she was for once choosing to live her life rather than “cast” it. And I had a tiny donkling of respect there.

    But then, once the breakup has broken, she’s on a manic posting spree! OH WOE HER GRIEF HER HEARTBREAK BLAH BLAH BLAH.

    Feel whatever you like, Donkerina. But feel it to yourself if you don’t want the mock. The Internet is not your friend, and is not under any obligation to be your friend.

  11. I love you Julia Allison Baugher. I’ve loved you since the tyrannical times of “Question of the Day” and I will love you forever more. Please, don’t stop … don’t stop … don’t stop believing!

      • Don’t stop bereaving! Tell us all your feeeeeelings!
        Tweeting
        Blogging
        Ohhhhhhhhhhh

        Just a city ass
        Without a tiny hint of class
        She took the drama train going anywhere
        She’s got NPD
        Or borderline as you can see
        She takes the drama train going everywhere

        • LOLLLLLL. I love donkey, too. I hope she never goes away.

          See donkey… there are people who love your antics.

  12. Would you want a stranger to tell you how you should be feeling?

    Gosh, didn’t that use to be your fucking JOB for Star?

    Hypocritical donkbag.

    • If you don’t want strangers to tell you how you should be feeling, STOP TELLING STRANGERS HOW YOU’RE FEELING!

      • Also – why why why WHY is she sooooo stupid that she can’t understand this? She can’t be all “golly gee I just love to share” and then “HOW DARE you tell me how I should feel!! YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!” in the next stank breath.

        My god. The stupid. It burns.

    • And i am sure most people don’t criticize her feelings but her behavior. Like her splashing her emotions all over the internet . Or even making them up to fit the latest story line. Communicating them in amount of organic chocolate eaten. I think that’s an important distinction.

      • Exactly.

        Once again, perfectly logical reasoning has passed through the mutant Babel fish that is Donkey’s mind and has come out the other side as irrelevant garbage.

  13. First this: “There aren’t RULES to how someone is supposed to react to something.” And then 2 sentences later: “We must be kind, be patient, and be understanding with one another, no matter how we choose to handle loss. ”

    So, she has no rules but I do? Go fix yourself.

    • Yes that’s right Julie, there are no rules about grief. No research has ever been done on grief, grief is not even touched upon in the DSM-V, no therapists or psychiatrists deal with grief ever. NO-ONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT IT, there is no scale, no treatment protocol NOTHING. Grief is a free for all.

      Julie, your losing another boyfriend type grief is equivalent to my breaking another nail type grief. There are rules Julie.

      Why does this stupid bitch donkey think she knows everything about everything? This is what drives me craziest the most about her, that she tries to speak with authority about anything.

    • Kind. Patient. Understanding.

      Just like Donkey was w/ Bolt Bus Bitch!

    • Jesus fuck. “Why do those sad people spend so much time worrying about what people wear” — from a comment on Jordan’s wankfest. HELLO FASHION WEEK HELLO EVERY GODDAMN CELEBRITY MAGAZINE EVER

      Fuckers can dish it out in assloads but can’t take even a tiny drop coming in their direction.

      • “Why do those sad people spend so much time worrying about what people wear”

        That’s a logical question to ask on a blahhhg w/ a tab called: STYLE — was it posed in the ‘Wardrobe’ thread, by chance?

    • It’s fascinating to me that these people think the internet should be governed by the same social norms that they encounter at the corner Starbucks. I’m younger than both Julie and Jordacted, but I’ve been on forums (Usenet<3) for at least 10 years. The internet is not here to be nice and life-affirming, ladies. Sure, anyone can use it as a place for self-expression. But that doesn't mean others are going to play by your rules, nor do they have to.

      Short version: you're both serious noobs and it's time to grow a pair.

    • “But to say that just because someone’s pregnant, or a mother, means that they should tone it down? Dress more “mother-like”? Bullshit. I feel weird about my body lately. My stomach “popped,” whatever that means, about a week ago, and I feel sort of off-center and uncomfortable, which is making it pretty difficult to feel anything approximating “sexy.”

      Uh, maybe that’s Nature’s way of telling you to tone it down, and if it’s not too much inconvenience for you maybe balance in your head,”feeling sexy” versus “your baby’s safety”? For just a few months? Please? Totter around in daisy Dukes and stillettos all you want later. I dunno! Just don’t make this a “feminist” issue.

      I don’t follow Jordan, I have no opinion about her, but this whole “Pregnant in Heels” on Bravo and acting as if “feeling sexy” is some god-given right during pregnancy, is just malarkey. Here’s a secret- no man finds a pregnant lady in high heels sexy, no matter how horny Miranda was on that SATC episode. If it’s your husband, he loves you and you make love during.. great. High heels have nothing to do with that. Most men have an instinctive revulsion towards sex with a pregnant lady- it’s inherently and paradoxically extremely unsexy to them. Sorry, this is just true. It freaks them out a bit. Uh, it’s their son or daughter up in there. Profoundly unsexy to think about, okay?

      Just give it a rest Jordan, it’s just lame and amoral to totter around in high heels while you’re pregnant and complain about your right to “feel sexy”. It’s not about you anymore, as you’ll soon learn. I hope.

      • “It’s not about you anymore, as you’ll soon learn. I hope.”

        I wouldn’t hold my breath.

      • I take a lot of issue with this comment.

        First of all… I think it’s a bit ignorant to make a blanket statement about men’s preferences sleeping with pregnant women. I know some (actually, a lot) of men who find this EXTREMELY sexy. Many pregnant women feel very empowered and own up to their “womanliness” when they’re pregnant, which is extremely sexy to a lot of men, baby bump or not.

        Bigger that that, though, is your entire argument that a woman is not allowed to try to feel sexy while because no matter what man, no man is going to think she’s sexy, dammit. …so what? What does a man thinking a woman is sexy have to do with feeling sexy? Some women like to feel sexy because it makes THEM feel good and empowered and confident, men be damned.

      • When you write: “It’s not about you anymore, as you’ll soon learn.”, shouldn’t that rather be ,It’s not just about you anymore? Because I am pretty sure that Jordan’s life is still about Jordan, both during pregnancy and motherhood, unless procreating was accompanied by a complete loss of identity and the mother turning into a mere vessel and feeding station.

    • Jordan’s hissy fit was discussed extensively on GOMI this week. Some great points made about the commodification of pregnancy and motherhood, the male gaze, Jordan’s extreme naivete, etc. Good stuff.

    • OT but I have been watching seasons of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (my roommate is addicted) and Jordo is no Sweet Dee.

  14. When I saw the “Continue Reading” link I knew it was going to be a long one, but Jesus Christ – therapy or GTFO.

  15. Geez, that woman really can yammer.
    TLDR version: I AM A VICTIM!! Haterz haz no hearts.

  16. Julia, I have no input whatsoever about how you’re feeling. I have stupid feelings all the time. Sometimes finishing the last spoonful of ice cream in the house moves me nearly to tears. Unlike you, I don’t bitch and moan about such feelings on the Internet and expect the sympathy of others, many of them strangers.

    Any criticism I have of your breakup cray, Julia, is not about your feelings, but about the ridiculous production you make on the Internet. Some of the strangers whose sympathy you feel entitled to have bigger problems, but you wouldn’t understand that since, despite all your domestic travel, you are enclosed in your sheltered Donkey paddock. You can’t involve strangers in your problems AND prescribe how they should react.

    No one is denying you the right to feel sad about your breakup, but only a crazy bitch would feel entitled to the sympathy of strangers under these circumstances. Shut down the Internet sobfest/freakshow, stop the attention-whoring (column idea for you: being a social media attention whore isn’t at all cute when you’re 30 years old) and deal with your feelings without expecting things from strangers and then attention whoring even more when what the strangers give isn’t what you wanted.

    • Note: my sadness at finishing ice cream is the result of knowing that I can’t easily have more. I’m sure Julia cries while finishing ice cream, but that’s because (1) eating her feelings didn’t work as well as she had hoped, and (2) she’s a dumb donkey who thinks she just poisoned herself with (gasp) dairy and (double gasp) sugar.

    • Sing it, TL;DR. There’s probably a whole dissertation, not just a column, out of internet-generated attention-whoring and the comfort and expectations of sympathy from strangers.

      Actually, Julia, if only you were blessed with more brain power than you unfortunately were, you’d own this topic in some sociology grad program.

      • I suppose one can be dumb and boring without being obnoxious, so maybe we need to add that to the list.

        • her blaugh, her writing, her whining, her clothes, her ideas, her column, her twitter posts, her relationships, her brain, her face are all dumb and boring

          I’m about thisclose to over her. I wish though that this funny community existed for another reason (oh yeah, I find irony in the fact that it came together ~because~ she’s dumb and boring (and obnoxious)).

  17. Julia ignores her critics, except when she doesn’t.

    2009:
    “So the decision I’ve made – subject to change, just like every other decision I’ve ever made – is to more or less put those people on mute. I looked one last time at the site I referred to, because I was sent an email that the responses to my video would “hearten” me. Well, they didn’t. They were just as cruel as I’ve ever seen and – fuck, I’ll say it – evil. They were EVIL. If that’s how they react to me being as honest as I can be, then I’m done with them, as a group.

    2010:
    “Here’s the deal: I *DO* ignore the critics, absolutely. I don’t read the reblogging site, ever ever ever, and I have to shut them out (even emails like yours), because the truth is, I know better than anyone how I’m doing, why I do what I do, what my goals are (or were, at least), etc. And if I were to listen to outsiders who didn’t know me – most of whom wish me ill will – I would literally go crazy.”

    2011:
    I tried for so long to just ignore them but they NEVER got bored (!?!?!) I even purposely tried to be boring! (An ex-boyfriend’s advice, no joke). Still didn’t go away. So I try now not to respond, 99% of the time, but this time it was just too far.” (Uh oh, did one of you hateful catpeople email her boss? Because I’m sure we’re the only people on earth who don’t like her column.)

    “I actually don’t believe it to be a large group, by any stretch of the imagination. Simply a dedicated one. By my count, they number 100, tops. Perhaps 200. [bwahaha!] It feels disproportionate because I am not famous, by any stretch of the imagination. I am quite sure that anyone genuinely well-known – Hillary Clinton, Oprah, even my friend Meghan McCain, has a larger base of haters.” [u jelly?]

    Yeah, she’s not batshit crazy. Not batshit crazy at all.

    [img]http://i54.tinypic.com/2lvd375.jpg[/img]

  18. Jack lived in San Diego. Julia lives in Chicago. Aside from a birthday party, when did her “friends” spend any time with her and Jack? How would “they” know anything about the relationship beyond what she told them or what she wrote about him publicly?

    Seems to me that this community is basing their judgments based on precisely the same perspective as her “friends.” We are just different in that we actually exist.

  19. She really does take the micro view, doesn’t she? Which, in this case, is people are telling me what to feel! They have no right! And I agree with her.

    But what we’re saying is step back and take the macro view, see the patterns of behaviour and what they might be able to tell you. But she never will, which is why it’s pointless to contact her and why this site will always be here. Donkey will never the Learn Button.

  20. 22 DAYS. Twenty-fucking-Two. That is how many days Donkey actually spent in Coronado. Well, plus another 6 after they broke up. So 28 in total: 6 before he asked her to move in, 16 after but pre-break up and then 6 more. Over 20% of the time Julia Allison spent in Coronado occured post-break up. Her dog spent more time in Coronado than she did.

      • How many days was she there in a row? Was it over 2 weeks? I suppose that’s what contributed to the breakup…

        • No chance she was there for two weeks in a row without going to LA or SF for some nonsense.

        • it’s all on her twitter, if you look. I’m distracted by tv-watching, but so far I’ve got that she was in coronado march 10-11 (on the 11th she flew to sxsw) and 22-24, and april 4-18. so if he asked her to live with him while she was at sxsw, they actually ‘lived’ together (as opposed to her visiting him) for a total of 16 days, before she returned on may 5th, and the big break up announcement came on the 7th.

          • A whole 16 days huh. She didn’t even have time to unpack. You weren’t living together Julie, you had a vacation.

            I get sad at the end of my vacations too Julie.

    • 28 days? Just like the zombie movie! And didn’t she write something about having her magazines forwarded to CA? What’s funny is that she will have been there and gone before that even kicks in.

      • I also like “moving out of a home with someone I loved” where “home” = “condo owned by his mom.” It’s like Donkerina can’t even envisage a world where people pay their own goddamned rent or mortgage!

  21. “For the record, you* don’t get to tell people how to grieve or what relationships should or shouldn’t affect you**. ”

    * “strangers” – aka: cat-encumbered criticizers and their sundry sympathizers

    ** “people” – aka: Julia Albertson Bowersox, Everyburro and object of unfair criticism

    For the record, you (I mean YOU, Miss Jujube Alleycat Banger-Sister) don’t get to use the word “you” to refer to both sides of an action within the same sentence.

    We all make mistakes, but YOU, Jumanji Alhambra Beetlejuice, make this one all the time. This inability to differentiate between subjects and objects (or between causes and effects, for that matter) speaks to core of the disorder within YOU, Julio Iglesias Beastmaster, which manifests literally as a lack of order in writing, action, demeanor, sense of self — in all the things that make YOU YOU, Mademoiselle Julius Albuquerque Boca Raton.

  22. My favorite part of all this is when someone calls her out for living with Jack for five minutes, her answer is: “He asked me to move in with him during SXSW in early March.” What does when he asked her to live with him have anything to do with it???

    IT WAS STILL FIVE MINUTES, DONKEY!!!

    God, she is such a donkey.

  23. Julia? Let me clear something up for you with a little checklist:
    1) Someone you’re attracted to who you don’t know that well?
    2) Long distance keeps it romantic maybe, exciting probably?
    3) You spend time together and realize it’s not for the long run?

    You’ve just had what anyone else would call AN AFFAIR.

    • AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER!

      “meet me at the top of the empire state building, pancakes!”

      • It’s ridiculous. How else do you describe a relationship that was really short-lived and didn’t give you wanted long-term? Am I alone here?

          • It’s also in Sleepless in Seattle, but that’s an homage to Love Affair (the original, with Irene Dunne and Charles Boyer)/An Affair to Remember (the more popular remake with Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr).

  24. OMG she is saying the ashram helped her realize that she didn’t really love Prom King. Seriously, you can’t make this shit up.

    • Julia seems like the type of person who’d be married to a guy for 5 yrs with 2 young kids, then one day the guy gets a text message that she just realized she’s not really in love with him, because she just spoke to her [spiritual guru, astrologer, self-help person, psychic healer] and realized her true life purpose, which conveniently has nothing to do with a committed marriage, children, family, etc.

  25. Meghan Asha thinks that the public life is not for her (paraphrase, this catlady’s been drinking) yet she’s appearing in Lucky Magazine and modeling for lookbooks?

    I think Old Jules meant to say that the failboat that is nonsociety is not for Meghan.

    (Just noticed the ‘We Will Never the Donkey’ in the righthand corner next to the WordPress logo. You bunnies are comedic gold!)

  26. This is perfect for the Donkey, and it might make her more money than her column does! (From http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/vol/2390079592.html)

    Efficacy of SSRIs in treating Borderline PD with Major Depression (Hyde Park/University of Chicago)

    Date: 2011-05-19, 8:54AM CDT
    Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]

    PRINCIPAL INVESTIGATOR

    Emil Coccaro, M.D., Michael McCloskey, Ph.D.

    STUDY DESCRIPTION

    The purpose of this study is to see how a type of medication called Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) has an effect on depression and associated symptoms in people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP). SSRIs are often prescribed to patients with BPD, but their specific effects on depression and related symptoms, including self-harm, in people with BPD require further study. In this study, an FDA approved SSRI will be compared to a placebo in order to determine the effects of the medication.

    •The study will last 5 months, and involves 13 visits.

    •Part of the study involves taking an experimental drug or a placebo.

    •You will receive a confidential evaluation to see if you qualify to enter the study. If you qualify, you will then receive a full behavioral assessment.

    •Eligible individuals will be compensated up to $280 for completing the study.

    ELIGIBILTY

    • Have problems with mood swings, fear of being abandoned, unstable relationships, unstable sense of identity, irritability or anxiety, chronic feelings of emptiness, or dangerous, impulsive behavior.

    • Experience feelings of sadness, worthlessness, hopelessness, lack of energy, changes in sleep pattern.

    • Be between the ages of 18 and 55.

    • Meet other eligibility requirements as outlined by the research protocol.

    DURATION OF STUDY

    13 visits over 5 months

    CONTACT

    773-834-4441

    SSRIBPD@bsd.uchicago.edu

    • At least 10 more papers would have to add her column to get her up to a $280 payday, so I think this is the smarter bet.

      Except that the Donk never experiences feelings of worthlessness. Even when she perhaps should.

  27. Sympathy Slut or Sympathy Addict, this crazy Burro is getting pounded from the front, back and sideways with “oh Fulia, we wuv wu!”

    Mother fuck me. No wonder our country is a fucking schizophrenic mess. Half of us want to get shit done and the other half want to sit around all damn day being coddled like damn babies.

    Really, Fulia. Don’t ever get a job. Your employer couldn’t afford your fuckups and I am sure your potential co-workers would be lose so much productivity posting to RBD it would be a P&L problem.

    • Also, Sympathy Slut lashes out at the “stiff upper lip brigade” – but I thought she loved the Brits??? Below is Fulia’s response to a thoughtful questioner who suggested that Fulia blogging the break-up was bad form:

      “My thoughts on this subject (of expressing feelings publicly about breakups) are not set, but my instinct is that if people were a little more open about their pain, perhaps we’d all feel better when we go through similar situations (whether they are break ups or financial difficulties or job loss or the loss of a friend). I know some believe that you should just keep a firm upper lip, and I understand that you probably look stronger and more capable – like nothing ever fazes you! Like you are invincible!”

      Dammit Dadser – let our little flower cry!!!

      • The best way to be a sympathy slut is to reference Chumbawamba lyrics:
        “And perhaps that’s the “right” thing to do. But I’ve never been invincible, and I don’t like pretending I am. I get knocked down, and I get up again 😉 and if there’s anything this blog has proven to me is that even if I get knocked down twice a year every year, I just keep right on getting back up. Should I have kept silent each time I grieve? I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
        Hilarballz! Julia, I’m pretty sure that song is about getting drunk and literally falling down, not getting strung out over a fling, which is what that relationship was.

        • Chumbawamba’s Evita shout-out is so much better than the Donk’s.

          Don’t cry for me, next-door neighbour

      • Who said she needs to have a stiff upper lip?? I think we said, take the grief offline. …oh wait….let a woman grieve the loss of her soulmate in peace and privacy on the internet for everyone to see! Stop telling us how we should feel about that JULIA.

  28. Sorry fellow catladies, but I am drink right now so please excuse any typos (30000 sips of champagne!)

    My catman and I have been together for five years, and if he dumped me tomorrow I would be extremely sad but would not refer to it as “grieving.” To me, grief is reserved for death. If he died, I would grieve. If he died and were not only my catman, but my fiance or husband, I would grieve not only for the loss of him but for the loss of our future together.

    However, rewind four and a half years. If we had been dating for six months and he dumped my ass? GRIEVE? What the fuck are you talking about, you crazy fucking donkey? Some dude who you barely knew broke things off, and you’re GRIEVING?

    I WILL NEVER THE FUCKING DONKEY. I WILL NEVER. WORDS DO NOT EVEN FILL THE SPACE OF RAGE WITHIN ME.

    GRIEVE????? Melodrama. Look it up, you bint.

    • You’ve got it 100% right, MM. A good part of mourning my late fiance has been related to realizing the future we’d dreamed of would never come to pass.

      It disturbs me that Julia is using the language of grieving to talk about a breakup. It’s actually confusing for me to read, given how vastly inappropriate it is to refer to a short-term relationship in the same way one might refer to the death of a deeply loved person.

      Okay, I get that she’s upset. I also get that everyone processes things differently. But it’s like she got a nasty papercut and is describing it in terms usually used for taking about open-heart surgery. Yes, papercuts hurt, sometimes quite a bit. But if you use the language of major surgery to describe the pain, well, you’re being more than a tad melodramatic.

      It isn’t the feelings I begrudge Julia; it’s that I’m deeply offended by her lack of understanding of what it’s like to go through the romantic equivalent of having fucking open-heart surgery. G-d forbid she ever actually lose a fiance or husband to death. She’d probably have a psychotic break. Seriously. I will never the donkey.

      • “But it’s like she got a nasty papercut and is describing it in terms usually used for talking about open-heart surgery.”

        Perfect.

      • This really says it all. Her melodrama is disrespectful to people who are coping with actual tragedies, not just disappointments.

    • Exactly.

      Sorry to overshare, but my boyfriend killed himself in the late 90s.

      I’ve had a long time to ‘grieve’ and process it. I was lucky to have great support from friends and family. It’s taken me a long time to get to a place where thinking about him isn’t painful. It never gets better. It just gets easier. And by easier, I mean I can think about him without crying. Or feeling like I’ve been stabbed in the heart.

      The pain, sadness, despair, guilt, depression – grief – was so extreme, there were days when I didn’t think I could go on. But I did. And you do.

      So this spoiled, entitled bitch crying, whining and GRIEVING because she got dumped? By some guy she ‘dated’ for what? 6 months? Someone she saw in person, literally maybe 1-2 months total? Sorry if I don’t have a lot of sympathy. Or any sympathy. Sorry if it seems like I’m being judgmental about her ‘feelings’. Because I AM.

      Julie, you insult the very word ‘grief’ and every person who has ever experienced it. Shame on you.

      • Sorry for your pain Dr. G. I have a grandfather who committed suicide when I was a teenager. Even though it’s a lifetime ago, I still play over and over in my mind the very last time I saw him. Still feel the fur of my dog, the warm breeze, the cool grass. It’s imprinted forever in my brain because at the time I distinctly remember thinking how odd it was he stopped by our house on that day, at that time. How I wished I had hugged him. Instead, I was in a fight w/ my mother so I was across the street… ignoring her. So I waved to him. And he waved back. By his own hands, he was dead the next day.
        Has this THIRTY YEAR OLD WOMAN experienced ANY challenge beyond breaking up w/ a bunch of random boys her entire life? Has she experienced ANY death??? If a whirlwind romance throws her into bed and causing her to have internet tantrums what the hell is she going to do when someone in her life dies?? What a sheltered, white-bread, cushioned life she has had. She’s completely unprepared for what waits for her.

      • I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. It’s horrible. But also thank you for sharing that the fog does lift at some point. There are definitely moments I wonder if I’ll ever get over my fiance’s death, and they are overwhelming in their intensity. I’m grateful to be reminded that things do get better.

      • That is awful, Dr. Gary. I can’t imagine how a person keeps their sanity after something like that. For everyone on this board who has had to suffer through unimaginable pain, Julia’s melodrama about the end of her high school-ish type relationship has got to be especially grotesque. For something so minor, she requires butt-loads of support, and not just support; she needs round-the-clock coddling and a steady stream of people asking, “Are you okay?” Even the poor dog had to get in on the act. Julia wrote about crying after Justin broke up with her, and how Lily came into the room “to see if I was okay.” For those who know what real suffering (not princess suffering) is all about, Julia Allison is nothing more than a bullshitting, drama queen, attention whore. I hope your life is going well now, Dr. Gary.

    • This. Yes. Yes. Yes.

      My college boyfriend and I just broke up last week because we graduated and are not going to be living in the same city. While I am completely torn up inside over it, I would never call it “grief”. He is just a phone call or IM away.

      However, my father died almost four years ago and what I feel for him (when I think about how I would like to talk to him but I can’t) is grief.

      uh-deeeeerrrrr

  29. The total lack of maturity and dignity just kills me. And so much stupidity. Too much stupidity to even comprehend. Gawd.

    Also, can you imagine being that poor guy at the moment? He didn’t dodge a bullet, he dodged a freaking weapon of mass destruction. Wonder if she’s pulled that desperate, dumped teenage girl “I think my period’s late” yet.

    Pride, Girl, get some.

  30. After reading her comments something seems weird to me. She claims that you can look back and realise that you we not actually in love with someone. But she spends so much time on her blog talking for other people about whether or not they felt love. She is always claiming how very much in love her and [insert ex here] were. She doesn’t just say “I loved him” but rather “we were so in love” or “he loved me so much.” Its like she doesn’t realise that possibility flips both ways. That she can look back and realise that she wasn’t in love with someone she dated – and that they too could look back afterwards and decide that they didn’t really love her.

    With her things never seem to cut both ways. She only uses things to her advantage but refuses to see how they might counter something she is claiming.

    • I used to have a friend (she passed away, sadly) who could get through to me about my NPD mother and cuh-RAZY sister with a single sentence: “No one else is real to them.” I would be going over the details of their latest shenanigans, desperate to understand how anyone could treat others the way they do, and she would say, “Perhaps you remember NO ONE ELSE IS REAL TO THEM?” I would bet the house JA is able to casually assign feelings to the characters in her past as it suits her for exactly the same reason.

  31. [img]http://www.onelargeprawn.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/clever-girl.jpg[/img]

    I believe this is how the donkey sees herself.

  32. Her comments on this post are a goldmine of cray. Anyone else catch this?

    “Yeah, Jordan’s departure contributed to my break down quite a bit. Meghan, Megan and I were all really upset about the way she handled it, but I’d rather not get into it. We’ve all moved on. I wish her the best.”

    I’m not sure where Jordan’s blogging these days!

  33. Also, how can she keep insisting – with this relationship and others – that she was ALWAYS the one to end things? No one who mourns and “grieves” this much decides to end things … she straight up got dumped each time (except for maybe with Greasy, which is why they still speak).

    Well yes, Julia, if you consider what a raging psycho you are, then technically you did get the ball rolling on ending it, but please don’t pretend that it was all your decision.

    I just KANT with her delusions anymore. They guys always loved her. She didn’t love them. She had the upper hand. She decides to end things. SHE IS SO SAAAAAD. The way she paints herself as both instigator and victim is maddening, creepy and so sick.

    • I love what Mcakes mentioned…that in both the Prom King break-up and the Pancakes break-up, Julia made a point to say that the guys “left the door open” for resuming the relationships somewhere down the road. Haha! Sure, Donkass, just keep telling yourself that.

      • She’s said that about all of her relationships. And has it EVER happened? Every person she’s dated has run screaming into the night.

        It’s astonishing how much she buys into her own bullshit and spin.

    • Keep in mind, she does this with everything. Whether it’s The Star or Time Out NY, she always insists she left on her own, or it was mutual, or her contract ran out (and was not renewed, obvs) or the TMI Show had run its course…it’s never about ANYTHING leaving her; she’s ALWAYS leaving it.

    • “The way she paints herself as both instigator and victim is maddening, creepy and so sick.” = having her cupcake and eating it, too. Poison down the hatch!

    • There is an incredible Carol Burnett Show sketch that dramatizes this so perfectly that I am chagrined it’s not on YouTube because we would all fall out.

      So Carol and Vicki Lawrence are friends eating lunch in a restaurant. Harvey Korman comes in and is seated at the next table, and Carol gets all “Oh, my God! Don’t let him see me! Don’t let him see me!” and calls attention to herself with her maddened gesticulations and head-ducking.

      Korman gives her a vague nod-and-wave.

      Carol hisses at Vicki, “Did you see that? That’s Joe Johnson, the guy who was so obsessed with me.”

      Vicki is all “??”

      Carol says, “Well, now that he’s seen me, I guess I’ll have to go and speak to him.” Heavy sigh.

      She plops herself down at Korman’s table. “Hello, Joe,” she says in a fake Lauren Bacall world-weary tone.

      He smiles cheerfully. “Oh, hi! It’s, um, Jeanne, right?”

      She shakes her head pityingly. “Oh, Joe. You’re so brave. But there’s no need to pretend.”

      “?!?!”

      “I know I broke your heart, Joe. But you have to move on.”

      “Um, okay,” says Korman. “Thanks for that. I’ve actually been quite happily married for years.”

      “Oh, Joe.” She shakes her head ponderously. “Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Always putting up a courageous front. It’s kind of you, Joe, but I know the truth.”

      This goes on for a bit, until finally Korman is so infuriated that he storms out of the restaurant in a rage.

      Carol drifts back to her table, fixes Vicki with a tragedy-queen stare, and intones, “I think I just destroyed someone.”

      • “http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kxhax1LDBp1qakrqoo1_500.png?.jpg”

        Don’t make me sing…

        • Oh hell.

          [img]http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kxhax1LDBp1qakrqoo1_500.png?.jpg[/img]

  34. [img]http://ramshackleglam.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/IMG_2724-1024×682.jpg[/img]

    Boomshakalakaglam teaches us many things.

    The latest: if you is pregnant, get your denim short shorts on, the clumsiest heels you can find and walk the edges of rooftops for your internet.

  35. The thing I hate the most about her is the way she lies with such ease. Whenever she gets backed into a corner, she just pulls things out of her ass and states them as fact, even though they are obvious lies. Someone in her comments took her on about denying that she was in love with Justin. Her answer to that? Well, you see, there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone, and she never said she was “in love” with Justin…except she did. It’s right there in her Farewell To The Internet post in March of 2010. If anyone tried to throw that inconvenient fact back in her face, she’d write another mile-long, self-pitying post about internet bullies. In the whole scheme of things, the details of Julia Allison’s relationships are of no importance except as an illustration of what a sick, twisted, compulsive liar she is.

    • THIS. It’s so pathological. The way she backtracks, makes up facts and tries to add in little details (that later on don’t match up) is sick. No wonder there are so many people in her life that want nothing to do with her… she creates insane storylines and makes up stupid shit that never happened (ie Megs calling her 4 X a week)

    • To be fair, this was the first time (that I remember, anyway) where she acknowledged the person accusing her of lying was making a reasonable point.

  36. Her longest screeds are always about justifying her actions. Which makes sense because the most interesting topic to Julia is Julia. Her own self is the only topic that has consistently managed to hold her attention.
    It seems like she’s hyping herself up to something the last few days. I’ll be interested to see what grand pronouncement/announcement/futile gesture occurs.
    It won’t be anything new of course but the donkey archaeologists here on RBD will be able to track down the original. I have no doubt about that.

    • I can’t knock her for talking about herself on her personal blog. I do it too and I’m not a crazy donkey. Blogs on the internet started out as people sharing deeply personal shit; the lifestyle, commentary, and news bloggers that are so prevalent nowadays have made it seem odd to do such things.

      • Except it’s only her deeply personal blog when she wants it to be–the rest of the time it’s part of her NonSociety lifestyle branding “web founder” bullshit. If this were just some overwrought personal website where Julia could record events in her life, I wouldn’t be nearly as critical of her as I am, but most of the time she tries to act like her website is her job, and I think that opens her up to a way higher level of scrutiny on the “is this batshit?” question than someone’s personal musings.

      • The thing is that she wants it both ways. She talks about all her personal shit and then gets upset when people talk about her personal shit.

        I also wouldn’t say that blogs started out as about personal shit; the very earliest blogs I’m aware of, including Jorn Barger’s (who coined the term “weblog”) were roundups of weird and interesting stuff a la Boing Boing or Slashdot. The diary-style blogs caught on a bit later, but I agree they were huge and dominated the form at their peak.

    • I don’t know about announcement, but I’m guessing her ‘big career’ move is how she did a Social Stunted segment for some local Chicago news station. She tweeted about it a few days ago.

      • You are fucking kidding me if that’s it. Everyone on the Trib has to do these all the time, and they all hate it and complain. Only Donkerina would think of it as her “big break” rather than a half-assed corporate “synergy” bullshit parade.

      • She’s going to be a contributor to a show called “Windy City Live” — it’s the show that’s debuting this coming week to take the place of Oprah’s show in the ABC lineup.

        She tweeted about it a couple of days ago, and I could barely make it to the shower to vomit.

        • I think it might just be easier if I sewed my face directly to my palm at this point!

          Um. There is not a lot expected for this show by Chicagoans/other non-ABC7 media, to say the least. Here’s hoping it will last long enough for at least one priceless Donkerina clip!

  37. I think it’s funny that Julia Allison, renowned writer and social media superstar, gets very little internet support. There are a lot of comments on her blog responding to her most recent tantrum, but many of those comments are hers. The others are from people taking her on, along with some supportive comments from whack jobs. Those who rush to poor little Julie’s side (both on Twitter and on her blog) always sound like they’re as fucked up as she is. She attracts weirdos and fluffheads.

  38. I really want to know where her commenters come from?! They may be more delusional than her. I believe a good majority of us used to like her maybe back in say 2006 or right before she outted Redacted’s illness on gawker. So what are these people, recent “fans”? The pep talks and positivity make me laugh since it’s just a broken record after each relationship. This isn’t sadness or grieving as discussed above. This is being sad about what Pancakes could’ve been with his powerful last name and money.

    • I think a vast majority of them come from her own addled little brain. They all sound suspiciously similar and most of them are brand new disqus accounts (even though they all conveniently mention they’ve been reading her blog for “years”) with names like
      KimK
      KimberlyK
      KaraB
      KateP
      Kristina
      etc etc and they all echo the same sentiment – fight for him, true love overcomes anything, fight for what you love, etc.

      • I didn’t want to believe they would all be her because it is crazy even for her – but I’m sure you’re right.

      • It’s so odd that she’ll get 20 comments on one controversial post that everyone over here is mocking and none on any of her other posts to her blog for weeks. It’s like she’s not even trying to cover the fact that she comments on her own stuff as if she were a reader. Truth is she has no readers. Srsly. None.

    • What’s also funny is how she feels the need to address the “comments from strangers” but none of these mysterious comments she’s referring to actually show up on her blog. Most of the comments on her posts are some fawning drivel – no one is telling her to get over it, if anything they just feed into her delusion some more by telling her to “fight for her man” or whatever.

      If you didn’t know about RBD or GOMI, you’d have no idea what the hell she’s talking about.

    • I can’t even bring myself to read all the comments of hers that have poured in since she posted this entry. How can she sit there and dictate how the internet reacts to her ridiculous proclamations and then tell us not to dictate to her what to do? And honestly, does she not get that we aren’t telling her what to do; we are REACTING to what she actually DOES?

      And when you write in your goddamn liecast about how in love you were with PK and how heartbroken you were when you broke up, you can’t be surprised that people would remember that and then be like “Wait, you just said you didn’t love him when last year you did. Which is the truth?” Either way, she’s a goddamn liar. She is her own worst enemy and will never understand the points we are trying to make because she’s CRAZY.

  39. The donkey misses the irony train.
    From her Twitter: “‘People without real problems go mad & invent things like base jumping & wedding planning.’ – the always brilliant @MarthaBeck”

  40. Honestly, I’m predicting ChatGate all over again. Everything is so repetitive that it seems inevitable at this point. Private photos will be leaked by a “friend” and she’ll blame us for “hacking” into something that’ll be just like how some hater “hacked” into her vimeo. It’s all so circular with her. There’s no growth.

  41. LOL! “We left the door open for reconciliation somewhere down the line, if things change…” is the new “It’s in the queue.” You said the same thing about Prom King you dickhead. How’s that going for you?

    Delusional hag.

    • Guys always say that when you won’t stop sobbing. Trust. I had a guy tell me this and I cut him off with a stern “Do not even say that, it’s ridiculous.” and then I left and haven’t spoken to him since. They think they’re placating you and giving you a salve that will make it better but really it’s just salt in the wound at the end of the day.

      • exactly. when my last ex and I broke up, he told me he needed some time alone to think things through and maybe we could get back together after we had each had some space. however, he had started the conversation saying that, after 3.5 years together, he felt he should ‘know’ if he wanted to marry me by then, and he figured that the fact that he didn’t know if he wanted to marry me meant he probably didn’t want to marry me. so it would make no sense to get back together if he already knew he didn’t want to marry me. he was just saying it to soften the blow. it’s right up there with “it’s not you, it’s me.” standard break-up line.

        but, in julia’s world, she thinks he really means it and that they’re both broken-hearted over being apart. he probably does feel bad that he ended it, in that he’s sorry to have hurt someone, but he also probably feels pretty relieved it’s all over and done with. in fact, in her comments, she even says “When I left my boyfriend Alex after three years of dating, it was hard, but it wasn’t devastating in the same way, because we had done everything I wanted to do together.” yes, julia! this is how most dumpers feel–they’re already over the relationship and ready to move on, so it’s not painful in the same way. when my ex broke up with me, I remember talking to my brother and crying, and saying I didn’t understand how my ex could move on so easily since we had just broken up (he started dating someone new a week later), and my brother said to me “he didn’t just break up with you, though. he already broke up with you a long time ago in his mind, he just finally let you know about it.”

        the door isn’t still open for reconciliation, julia. the best thing you can do for yourself is realize that it isn’t open, and start moving on from there.

        • “he didn’t just break up with you, though. he already broke up with you a long time ago in his mind, he just finally let you know about it.”

          YEP. Mine informed me he had known for months it wasn’t the same. Thanks bro, for finally letting me know. YA DICK.

        • I know they are worse here than anywhere in the country, but those characters in the photographers are way unwelcome now that the locusts have hatched and are so loud they’re causing my brain to rattle.

          • Okay, SOMEONE needs a nap. I have lost the ability to differentiate a subject from an object. The “they” are the locusts. The characters are in a “photograph.”

          • well…. I wasn’t going to say anything…

            We don’t have any here yet (locusts) (or photographs) (or creepy circus contortionists) but supposedly this year the MXCEMDIIX tribe or something is going to hatch and it’s supposed to be LOUD LOUD LOUD. By August, usually, it’s deafening outside.

  42. “Don’t think I don’t find the irony in the fact that I started the break up conversation and now I’m the one who doesn’t like the consequences!!”

    It is quite remarkable that she made this admission. Methinks that our Den Mother Jacy was spot on in her speculation of how shit went down.

    • Den Mother Jacy is withholding my knitting badge until I stop smoking pot. I’m all like you’re not the boss of me.

      • That she initiated the break-up conversation to give Pancakes an opportunity to profess his devotion and love for her (and possibly quit the military) and it back-fired on her.

        • Yes, this sounds like exactly the kind of crudely manipulative, narcissistic bitch move that our Donkey would be quite likely to make.

        • Gotcha. That sounds about right.

          I always suspected he probably got his work schedule for the next few months, realized he couldn’t accompany her to her three OMG WEDDINGS this summer and she threw a bitchfit.

        • Well, then she’s even more delusional that thought. Academy grads are officers upon graduation and required to do their military service (for my brother it wasy 7 years) which is considered payment for their free education.

          Not that it matters that he’s an officer. You don’t really quit the military, even as an enlisted person. Either them military quits you by way of dishonorable discharge or you go AWOL.

          So, how in the hell did she think he would even be in a position to quit?

          • except that (one of her many) BFF Kimberly graduated from Annapolis; she was the maid of honor at her and Senator Kirk’s wedding. but that just goes to show how far her (julia’s) head is stuck up her own ass: she is so clueless and disinterested in the world around her.

  43. For the record, you don’t get to tell people how to grieve or what relationships should or shouldn’t affect you.

    For the record, dear heart, you don’t get to tell people how to respond to your ridiculous postings on the internet.

    Kisses.

    • I was just going to ask how much does dignity cost nowadays. I really would like to buy one for her. Just in time for summer too.

  44. From a commenter on her blog (I gave in a read a few):
    “To me, you are like the Homecoming Queen of the Internet. You are so loved, but then you are also disliked all because of who you are and what you do.

    You are a joy! Don’t let these people snuff out your light! Keep being YOU! And repeat the above quote often!”

    *drops phone*

    *voms in the shower*

  45. From her comments:

    To me, you are like the Homecoming Queen of the Internet. You are so loved, but then you are also disliked all because of who you are and what you do.

    CAN’T STOP LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHING

    • The way she moderates her comments is so transparent and lame. Honestly, I would be embarrassed if someone said that about me- what is she 16?

  46. Donkey has found the perfect life-coach! She just put a bunch of Martha Beck horse manure on her blog which includes this little gem: “Play, not work, is the key to success.” Donkey’s entitled lazy-assness has now been approved!

    • Really? Really? Someone is actually espousing that as wise life advice? I kant even…

    • I think the advice below is a bit more credible than Martha Homosexuality-Can-Be-Cured-Um-Err-Oops Beck’s:

      When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work. ~George Bernard Shaw

      Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. ~Abraham Lincoln

      Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~Thomas Edison

      Take that, Miss Shortcutty-Pants

  47. She is now planning a trip to a chateau in France for a friend’s 30th bday and a week long trip to Morocco after.

    I just kant with the donkey.

    Her column salary allows her to vacation like this???

    I want a column NOW.

    • Kudos to her for visiting a county with brown people, although you know she TOTS got the idea from Sex and the City 2.

      • And the RHONY (real housewives NY- for those of you who clearly aren’t dwelling in your basement) also planned there girls trip to Morocco on last nights episode.
        For someone who claims to never watch the boobtube, she comes out with some pretty interesting things following glee or what have you.

        • The last six weeks of the most recent season of America’s Next Top Model were also shot in Morocco. In fact, in the RHONY previews last night I swear to God I saw the same street-performing monkey doing backflips that we saw on ANTM. What the fuck with this. Have the streets of Marrakesh recently been repaved to make walking in Louboutins feasible?

        • Yes yes yes. The RHONY gals are going to Morocco (which is lame SATC2 bullshit anyway) and the next day Jules says she is too. (Morocco will be pleasant in August, I’m sure!). Oh, and France too, because it’s classy.

          Gossip Girl played Adele on Monday, Chuck and Blair, “we could have had it alllll!!”. The very next day she’s posting Adele’s song. Yeah, Julia watches a lot of television for her “inspirations”.

    • Her column salary allows her to vacation like this???

      Didn’t we calculate that it was $170/week, max?

      So, no.

    • I’d make a solemn vow to never criticize or make fun of the Donkey ever again (on the interwebs, at least) if she were to release copies of her tax returns for the last few years. There HAS to be something going on that we don’t know about. I mean, more than just Dad$ers. Her family is upper middle class, but they aren’t wealthy, from what I understand. If I didn’t find her so unappealing and unattractive, I’d think she were, um, doing some “professional” work to fund her travels.

      • I have assumed she was using Dadsers’ frequent flyer miles and then mooching off friends?

    • Do you ever get the feeling that these ‘friends from school’ are the sort of people who’d invite Julia because they know dadsers somehow will be conned into paying because Julia wants to feel included?

      ‘Oh, yeah, invite Julia, she’ll be so obsessed with making her ‘girl’s trip’ perfect she’ll give us her dad’s card to put all the hotel rooms on!’

      I can’t think of any other reason these mysterious ‘friends’ pop up only for crazy vacations or dinners and shit.

  48. OT: but sort of related to what we’ve been talking about and I’d like your input, catfriends….

    Broke up with a guy last year because he had to move to a different country for work and didn’t know when he’d be coming back and it just wasn’t going to work. As far as breakups go, it was actually pretty smooth. He never did anything shitty, and I also behaved pretty well. Stiff upper lip, and whatnot. Anyway, I haven’t talked to him in six months but now he’s back in town because his best friend has cancer and is having life-threatening surgery today. He emailed me and he is a wreck and he wants to see me.

    I feel awful because I really like this guy who is sick and my ex is a good person who I hate that he is hurting. I don’t know how to do this. I have never been friends with an ex. I have never been in a situation where I have been forced to put my petty bullshit aside and be there for someone who hurt me because cancer trumps any stupid melodrama. This guy in question did not ruin my life or anything. I do not wake up filled with rage and Facebook stalk him. I try not to think about him, actually. Because I’m trying to move on. Under normal circumstances I would not meet him for coffee or whatnot because the idea of seeing someone I’m not over sends my stomach into knots. But I’d really like to summon the courage to get over myself just this once and support someone I still love and not have it be about me. I just worry he’s going to bring US up and it’s going to fuck with the progress I’ve made in moving forward.

    I don’t mean to overshare…I’m just posting this here because we’ve been having a discussion lately about how to handle exes while also having respect for yourself. I usually ask myself “What Would Julia Allison Do?” and then do the opposite. But this is literally a nuanced situation.

    Um…errr….help?

    xx

    • beginning of the second graf should say “and i hate that he is hurting..not WHO i hate.”

    • Just nut up and put the bullshit aside and be there for your ex. If you must meet, meet in a neutral location, like for coffee. Keep the converation geared toward the current situation and not the past. And by no means put yourself in a situation that involves alcohol.

      • Yes, thank you. That’s what I’m hoping to do. The friend is in surgery right now and it will probably take 12 hours.

        I’ve got errands to run at my desk all day but I texted my ex and told him that if something happens and he needs me I can be there in a half hour. He keeps thanking me profusely. I think he is really a mess.

        I have never been able to be friends with an ex after the fact. I feel like I have no idea how to behave and I wish I had more courage right now.

        • Well, how would you act if he wasn’t an ex, but a friend you had lost touch with? If a friend from high school whom you hadn’t seen in a while suddenly needed your support in a similar crisis, how would you approach that?

          “As if” strategies can be helpful in emergencies. Acting “as if” you’re fine with this and have worked through all your issues around the breakup may be one way to get through this and help your ex be there for his friend.

        • JP is correct with the nutting up advice.

          I’ll just add this – be a selfless friend. As you said, there were no villainous acts between you. There are no outstanding apologies or issues to clear up, so don’t bring them up now. Be the friend you would want if you were in his shoes – unconditional support, patient ear, etc.

          I promise you this – if you genuinely offer a selfless act of friendship to him, you will do yourself a world of good as well. I can’t describe it exactly, but you will realize a great deal of self-confidence as a result.

          • Yes. I know I’ll feel really great about myself if I can do this. I always envy those people who are friendly with their exes like maybe they’re more mature than I am?

          • I promise you this – if you genuinely offer a selfless act of friendship to him, you will do yourself a world of good as well. I can’t describe it exactly, but you will realize a great deal of self-confidence as a result.

            I was commenting to say this. This is going to sound so cheesy, but if I were in your position, I think I would want to look back and feel like I had behaved like a good, brave person, even if it was tough on a personal level. It would be SO EASY to go “oh no, poor heartbroken me!” (um, Julia), so you really have my admiration for recognizing it’s a rough situation and wanting to do the right thing.

          • It’s true. The added bonus to being kind to someone is that you will feel better about yourself in the end.

            I don’t think people who are friendly with their exes are generally more mature, they probably just had better taste in dates. Most of my exes don’t deserve my time and that’s on me for dating them in the first place.

      • I know this sounds a little morbid, but I always try to think of these situations as if I’m on my death bed and looking back on my life – to put the big things in perspective. Death trumps all – real grieving (and yes, Julia Allison, people can grieve the end of the relationship but as someone already mentioned you’re more grieving the loss of what could have been) creates a serious need for human contact on a deeper level. Grieving people go to a weird place where the world is sort of happening as usual around them while this shitstorm is brewing inside of them and it can be really disconcertain, disorienting and of course intensely painful.

        However, those emotions are unsustainable & eventually people change a little bit but ultimately go back to who they are, so I agree tots with JP, stay farrrrr away from the alcohol, the pity-fuck /”will you stay with me tonight” because you’ll regret it later. But go for a friend, and if he brings up the “US” conversation, a shrug and pursed-lip smile does wonders and then just politely but firmly change the subject. And keep doing it until the hint is taken. You’ll either move on to other topics or the awkward silence will be painful and the meeting can then end.

        • grieving in fear, too – I realize that the friend is in surgery & may come through it just fine. People tend to look at the futility and fragility of life etc. staring them in the face and find it awfully scary.

        • Can you find me a picture of the purse-lipped smile I should go for? I’m serious. I want to be the purse-lipped smile girl with her head held high.

      • Second this advce. If it didn’t end badly, and you can honestly listen without prejudice and with patience, then go.

    • What JP said.

      Is the reason you broke up because he moved away? Is he back now for realz? Is there a possibility of reconciliation and happily ever after?

      • These are all the questions I am not prepared to face today.

        I have no idea if he’s back. When I break-up with someone I have to basically cut off all contact or else I can’t move on. And I don’t go on Facebook and he doesn’t have a lifecast so I really have no clue.

      • His big thing was always “Let’s get back together when I come back to the states.” My thing is “How can you conceptualize things that way, especially when you don’t even know when you’ll return?” If it were up to him we would be best friends right now, with the option to buy later. That kind of thing doesn’t work for me because it tears me up. I’m much more black and white.

        • Stick to your own guns. Don’t let him go there about the relationship. Focus on the friend who’s in crisis and what you can do to support the ex so he can be there for the friend.

    • He will bring “US” up. That’s a given – he’s in a tough place and if he’s a normal person that drama will bleed into other emotions. If you’re going to do this, you need to be prepped to handle that when it comes up. “I hear what you’re saying, but this isn’t the right time to talk about us. Let’s focus on your friend and getting him through this.”

      • Thank you, MeaDolus. I may write that down and read it to myself on the way there. I’m basically just trying to prep myself for when it does come up. I don’t want to be cold, I just do not want to get into it today.

      • Yes to MeaDolus. (and all the advice above) Because he’s in a tough place, his emotions are raw so you being there, he’s going to naturally feel grateful and probably great affection for you. It’ll be genuine too but reminding him and yourself of the real reason you’re there is a kindness to you both. Of course, it will bring up old feelings and as JP said, NO ALCOHOL!! (ugh, to think of the mistakes I’ve made w/ old boyfriends, unfinished business and alcohol… ugh) Good luck and I hope his friends receives some good news after the surgery.

    • Meet somewhere neutral, as juliaspublicist says. Talk about the friend. Remember that this isn’t about you.

      If he brings the romance up, you can just say “This isn’t about our past, this is about {Friend} and my showing my support.”

      Being friends with exes can be great. My huscat and I are great friends with one of my exes, and with one of his. The key is making space in between the romance and the friendship or acquaintanceship, which it sounds like you’ve done.

    • If the situation were reversed what would you want to happen?

      You don’t have to rewrite the story, you don’t have to forgive him, but put humanism over bullshit always. You’ll probably find it brings you a bit more peace.

      • Yes. This is true. He is a good person who has been there for me through a ton of horrible shit including my parents divorce and my dad’s mental illness. I can focus on supporting him.

        • You can do this, LetItEx.. I realize the complexity of your dilemma though. I’m friends with my ex, but there’s still feelings..it’s hard. I think you’re very mature in talking about it. If he’s a good person who’s been there for you.. I don’t think you’ll ever regret being there for him at this crucial time. Your kindness won’t ever be forgotten; and it’s honoring what you had with him. And that can be a painful thing, feelings persist! I know. Life is fleeting though, and that connection you had means something, and if you can be a friend to your ex in his time of need, it is a valiant thing, good karma, you won’t regret doing what you can to help. I realize it’s not easy. But just from your asking, and the details, I can tell you are already a deeply good person. Being there is sometimes all we can do, and in life doing our best to be there is enough. Dunno if I’m making sense, but.. wishing you well with this.

    • Based on your description, it sounds like he could really use a friend right now. Be that friend. Go in with no expectations about the two of you and just be the friendly support that he needs.

      • Thank you. I’m really glad you’re all saying I need to do this because I was beating myself up over wanting to be there for him, thinking that made me some kind of co-dependent cat lady.

        I will nut up.

        • Not at all. The feelings and memories you shared do not become null and void because you are no longer an “US.” He is someone who means/meant a great deal to you, and it’s totally understandable and the right thing to be there for him.

        • Not at all, you’re just being a decent human being no? Because generally, when people are seriously ill or people are genuinely suffering the amount of people that do show up to the page is minimal. Most people run from other people’s pain, and put any kind of bullshit in front of the things that really matter.

    • i think i would ask myself why he is calling me and not someone else who might know the friend who is ill. there is a possibility that having a friend who is so ill is making him realize that life is short, priorities need to be shifted, etc. there’s a chance he might want to talk about some sort of reconciliation. you should be prepared for that. but it could also be the complete opposite scene: he really just needs a hand to hold from an old friend, and the entire focus will be about his sick friend. i’m sure there are other scenarios that could play out as well. so just be prepared for anything and be sure to know where you stand in your head before seeing him.

      or just nut up – i like that.

      • that is EXACTLY what I was wondering and why I was freaking out. But then I got mad at myself for channeling Julie Albertson and making it all about me. My ex is probably so rattled right now he hasn’t even thought through why he’s contacting me. I know I’d be that way.

        • Like you said, he’s a wreck. I’m sure he’s very scared, and his natural instinct is to head for some kind of comfort zone, which in this case, is you. I think you should be there for him.

    • I’ll be the contrary voice and say that if it would be harmful for you to see him, if you feel you’ll fall into bed with him and then get your heart broken all over again, then go ahead and tell him you can’t see him.

      I mean are you the *only* person in the States he knows? Why can’t he call someone else? Is he using your tender feelings to get ex-sex without consequence because he’s got a plane ticket out?

      I am suspicious. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first.

        • You can also get friends to text you and check in/remind you not to do anything reckless during the coffee summit. Do not feel pathetisad at all if you need that level of support.

      • Completely agree. I have one ex who I continue to love after years and years of not seeing him — I mean I love him as in I only think and wish the best of and for him, every day — and no way could I stand in the same room with him and comfort him over his own losses. Would be a mental health disaster for both of us, and not to be endured.

      • Agreed. Seems inappropriate to me. Suspicious he may be looking for a port in a storm without seriously considering the impact on you…
        Also, he’s an ex for a reason. Why is he looking to lean on you for support?

      • Yay Stalker!!

        /waves pom-poms/does cartwheel/wakes up with wrenching pains in back

    • Thank you so much, everyone. Really. I feel a lot better. Based on the number of phDs in Donkology around here I knew you guys would offer sound and appropriate behavioral advice.

      I’ll let you know how it goes. Everyone cross your fingers that a wonderful, 29-year-old friend of mine makes it through this surgery.

      • Fingers crossed, prayers said. (I have no better advice on the ex situation than what’s already on offer.)

    • Meet him for dinner and coffee and be supportive and compassionate. He’s not asking you to get back together or have sex or enter into some life-long contract. You’re someone around whom he feels comfortable being vulnerable, and that’s a testament to your character.

      You can also set boundaries going into the situation. One thing I learned early on in therapy is that I am in control of a situation just as much as anyone. I’d be afraid of what the other person would say or do, and then I’d worry I’d be in a situation and wouldn’t know what to do. But now before I go into a situation where I think things might get sticky, I think about what I’m afraid of (in this case, you seem to be scared of talk about your relationship) and I think about how I’ll respond if it happens. You have a choice — you can politely say “I’d rather not talk about that” if he brings something up, or you can agree to talk about it.

      I find that if I can go into situations like that with my mind already made up about how I’ll behave if the things I’m afraid of happen, then I can enjoy the moment and not stress out so much. He might never bring “you as a couple” up — and you might be able to be a really good friend for him right now, which I’ve found has helped me heal my past relationships, too. In fact, someone I dated a couple of years ago recently had to face the death of his (grown) daughter, and it was nice to be able to be there for him and realize that we’d moved past and weirdness.

      Best of luck to you!

    • Sounds like he’s trolling for a sympathy fuck.

      Exes are exes and their lives past the Ex-jumping-off point are none of my concern.

      If you’d feel uncomfortable meeting with him just to hang out and catch up under normal, positive circumstances, then doing so with emotional tension pre-created for your convenience does not seem like a useful thing to do.

  49. For the love of catfish! The Pelted One is braying about being the OMG Firstest Ever Woman in the Word to Wear a TuxOMGOMGOMG again. Seriously, no body snark, she doesn’t have the silhouette to look good in the circus ring master getup she clearly has in mind.

    Why would she insist on drawing attention to herself by looking like the worst and most extreme possible caricature of an appropriately dressed person? Oh, wait, if we knew the answer to that question this log would cease to exist.

    Carry on.

    • NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

      Dan, if you are reading this, PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. Don’t let the Donk distract attention from you and your lovely bride with a sideshow. Lovely bride to be, if you are reading this, insist that Dan put his foot down. Donk should wear a dress that either matches the groomsmen’s evening clothes (black or midnight blue, I hope!) or one that’s in a similar shade to the bridesmaids’ (maybe not matching, but a few shades darker).

    • I think it is obnoxious that she is wearing a tux, weather Dan gave her the option or not. DON’TTAKEATTENTIONAWAYFROMTHEBRIDEWHOALREADYHATESYOU!!!!!

      • You just fucking know she’ll wear something akin to her Wired event costume and stand around that whole time with a heinously smug look on her bloated face.

    • Oh dear. They’re getting married the week before Christmas.

      Dan, you know she’ll show up with Christmas Cheeks (TM) and a reindeer headband. Why did you do this to yourself and your bride? Did you lose a bet?

      • He is trying to be kind. The thing is that no good deed goes unpunished, when the good deed is to a raging narcissist with no sense of boundaries.

        • Inviting her to the wedding would have been kinder than necessary. Letting her be in it is like inviting an axe murderer to your lumberjack competition.

    • Can you imagine?–tailored tux from the neck down, female drag from the neck up?? If she had a penis she would be the biggest genderfuck of all time.

    • [img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_k6Blra-PMrc/SttcSS79vxI/AAAAAAAABPI/jHGUdaLoNcA/s320/Dietrich.jpg[/img]

      Marlene’ll cut a bitch.

    • [img]http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/funny-pictures-cat-has-tight-tuxedo.jpg[/img]

    • I have a feeling she has something more like this in mind:

      [img]http://i52.tinypic.com/1z2ga5l.jpg[/img]

  50. Let it unload :

    ha … yeah, we weren’t upset with Jordan for leaving. We were upset for what she did when she left. Let’s just put it this way: she did something really, really underhanded, and we realized we had believed she was someone she wasn’t. That’s all I’m going to say on the subject, because Meghan, Megan and I no longer speak to her, and just want to forget that we were so trusting of someone who was so untrustworthy.

    I bring it up only because that was a huge factor in my break down last March – it wasn’t just Justin.

    Anyway, it’s water under the bridge now. Life goes on, and it taught me a very valuable lesson about trusting people so fast. I now am much more careful when I meet new friends – and I value my long term friends all the more.

    Interestingly, I also value Mary more, for how she conducted herself when she left NonSociety. Mary and I didn’t get along towards the end, but she was always honest, and she left in an incredibly classy manner.

    I think the way someone leaves – a friendship, a business relationship or a romantic attachment – says a lot about them. Anyone can be charming and lovely at the beginning of a joint endeavor. It’s how they conduct themselves when things get tough that really showcases their character.

    I haven’t always been perfect in this regard, but I strive to do better each time. I’m really proud that I am friends (or friendly) with most of my exes and almost all of closest friends I’ve made over my life are still close with me, some even two decades later.

    • this is RICH. she values Mary? she couldn’t even say where Mary is blogging now, or what her site is called!
      “That’s all I’m going to say on the subject”… until the next commenter asks and you divulge a bit more, and a bit more, and show how totally not over it you are.

      Bets on what the underhanded thing that Jordo did was? she didn’t pay prom king back for aspen?

      • Can’t be – I wouldn’t call that “underhanded.” Quick, someone, prod her some more!

        • Julia went around claiming Jord stole fuck-you money from the NonSociety slush fund. I don’t even know where to start, the preceding being 8 universes removed from reality.

          Alluding to something “underhanded” without coming out and saying it is despicable. Stay classy, Julia.

          • I would do a separate post on it except that it’s bullshit, and I am not going to give her a larger forum for her lies. You know what I’m saying?

            By all accounts, Jordan left because it was a shit ship and sure, she left abruptly, but as everyone knows, that’s the only way to leave an insane Donkey. I have heard from those close to Donk that she can’t let go, and yet Jordan refuses to respond to her. This infuriates the Donk — sound familiar, hello REDACTED2!! — and so she makes shit up in retaliation.

            SHE WON’T BE IGNORED, DAN!

          • It would have been an ideal time to raid the fund and blame it on a disgruntled employee… I’m jst sayin’.

            How fuck would Jordan even have access to such a fund?? Doesn’t seem like a very professional setup for such a savvy bidness ladee like Julsie.

    • Jesus fuck, her attempt to be the arbiter of what’s classy is like Dominique Strauss-Kahn judging a celibacy contest. Or Mel Gibson judging the B’nai B’rith Diversity Award.

    • I was coming to post this!

      I think it’s rude how she writes “ha” back to a sincere comment. What a jerkoff she is (as if we didn’t know).

      Would love to hear what Jordan did unless we know already & I forgot…?

    • I hadn’t heard that Jordan had done something underhanded. Well, this changes everything–she totally deserved to have that tiara stolen! Just like Toph deserved to be outed on RBNS by Lasagna because he was a dick! I wonder if it’s legalese when the Donkey says she didn’t steal the tiara; maybe she sent Lasagna to do her dirty work

    • Is she serious? She has a new BFF every couple years. No one has been solidly with her through it all. Ever her mother stopped talking to her (if you believe her on that one) That is total bullshit. She has friends that refuse to speak to her for years. And some that just refuse to speak to her ever.

      I. KANT.

    • I’m really proud that I am friends (or friendly) with most of my exes

      –which ones? Last time I checked, Redacted, Redacted II, Prom King, etc all hated her. As always, Julia speaks fluent opposite talk.

    • So having to be literally dragged to the airport kicking and screaming and put on a fucking plane counts as a “classy” exit to your recent “relationship”?

    • Megan doesn’t speak to her, she claims? And yet Megan apparently sent her a gift for her baby-to-be. How odd.

  51. The “plot” thickens. My guess is that Jordo left and immediately set up her own blog/business.

    • Didn’t Julia admit as much that she behaved poorly on the ill-fated ski trip and they fought all the time and that’s part ofthe things also fell apart with prom king?
      Sigh…. I don’t give a howfuk…. These chicas (jordan included) are so fatuous is their dramas. Good for Jordan from breaking loose from that crazy train but it’s not like she has spectacularly (or successfully) reinvented herself and taken off. Good lord middle school drama all of this…

  52. Oh Fulia, the “I was at a stop light while tweeting”. Please. Nutterworth doesn’t read your tweets and stopped caring the moment your burro butt was in its seat. There have been so many prior instances of tweeting while driving that this addendum, whilst a sign of inimitable growth, doesn’t erase prior text and driving..

  53. Think I read through most of these comments, but sorry if I missed someone already talking about this:

    Caroline Rocco 4 hours ago
    It’s so inexplicable to me that you continue to post pictures of sugar-laden foods in your blog after calling sugar “poison” on Twitter a while ago. It’s like someone who thinks meat is murder posting pictures of cheeseburgers… I don’t understand it at all. I think you even went so far as to say it should be illegal to sell sugar to consumers! Don’t you think pictures like these trigger sugar cravings in your readers? I know it did in me!

    juliaallison [Moderator] 4 hours ago in reply to Caroline Rocco
    Hahah .. Okay.

    “haha lololol ooookkaaay!”

    No, but really, Donk…. wtf? Why can’t you explain yourself? Ever? About anything?

    • why even bother publishing the comment from caroline rocco, if she can’t even dignify it with a proper, or even coherent or grammatical, answer? wtf?

    • KristinaNepo 14 hours ago in reply to Caroline Rocco
      LOL I am sure Julia would not say that sugar should be illegal! What??!

      juliaallison [Moderator] 8 hours ago in reply to KristinaNepo
      oh no, I definitely did. 🙂 But I’m sure SOME people who enjoy smoking cigarettes also think they should be illegal … because they’re so bad for you – and so hard to resist!!!

      sigggghhh.

  54. Ha, wait. She’s going to wear a tux to a wedding and go to Morocco in scorching August? Is she really that devoted to making her life Scary Sadshaw in SATC2 this year? (And god, that movie was criminally, immorally bad.)

    Anyway, her Morocco post: I can’t tell if a commenter is being helpful or a catlady with this advice about France: “the thing about France (and especially Paris) is knowing the rules of French Etiquette. Pick up a copy of French or Foe, and learn how to say the 10 magic works (sic) : “Excusez-moi de vous déranger, Monsieur (or Madame)…Mais j’ai un problème” (Excuse me for bothering you (sir or madame), but I have a problem. The truth is, these ten magic words haven’t failed me yet!”

    Pretty amusing. Because Parisians love nothing more than a braying American saying, “I have a problem!”. They’ll drop everything to help you! I really can’t tell whether this sincerely dumb, or funnily subversive advice.

    • Well, considering it’s the Donk, it probably actually would be a huge step forward for her to say ‘Excuse me for disturbing you, sir or ma’am’ before launching into a braywhine. We saw her astonishing international diplomacy skills in action in Swedish Hot Tub Oysterfest earlier, remember.

  55. It took her two days; she finally figured out that CindyhM1’s “dear heart” was an insult. Julie, that dress does not look “First Lady Barbie”. It screams “What a tacky Midwest hick, who throws new clothes on the floor of Nordstom’s dressing rooms, would wear to a Hawaiian themed party in SF “.

    • It took her that long to catch up on all the posts and comments over here.

      • I think @4chan referring to this comment by Fulia: “Also tried on this. No idea where I would wear it. Sort of screams “First Lady Barbie.” Unsurprisingly, I did not purchase. ;)”

        • That was me, and yes, I think Julie meant it as some kind of a jab. She didn’t wish Cindy “Happy Birthday” yesterday, or Jimmy today. I’m sure she knows that the whole McCain clan is in SF for a Hawaiian/Pirates of the Caribbean theme party this weekend, and it is killing her.
          Alsothink that she and some of her non(fit for)society mean girls will see it as a burn. But I really doubt any of the McCains are giving her liecat a second thought now.

          and only slightly OT – I’m really curious what fashionist Katrina, or Convertable Leather Scarf Designer think when they sees her tromping all over Aqua dresses on the changing room floor. Such a klassy move, Donkey.

  56. I love that Sarah McMillan’s response basically says, “You are grieving because you were still in the make-believe honeymoon phase, and never had time to figure out that your fantasy of the ideal of the relationship (and of fuck-you money, a fuck-you monicized wedding, and being the next Sarah Palin) wouldn’t hold up under real-life conditions.”

    Of course, Jack had plenty of time to figure this out, oddly enough.

    How long before she starts posting texts from him, to prove that he really does love her and didn’t drop her faster than a true ceilingcat drops a gluten-filled cupcake?

  57. So she was up until…4 AM? Tweeting? I love how nuts she gets when she actually has to face the fact that she lives off mom and dad in Chicago for more than a few days.

  58. Fellow cat ladies,

    My aunt was brutally murdered in Syria last week at the hands of the illegitimate and INHUMAN regime of Bashar al assad. As an American and member of this community, I am so angered and saddened at what these people are going through to gain just an ounce of the liberty that we enjoy every day. Will you please write to your congresspeople and condemn the Syrian regime? They need us to give them a voice, so that they do not continue to die in vain.

    Contact your congressperson, I beg of you:
    http://www.contactingthecongress.org/

    PS Yes i went to Georgetown with that little bitch JA, and if she had any interest in politics whatsoever she would use her batshit platform to HELP these people instead of focusing on her godamn breakup from a racist dickhead who calls arabs towelheads. /Endrant/Pleasehelp

  59. You know if I were a sad, crazy unemployed 30 year old living in my parents house and on their dime, I wouldn’t drive that point home with Tweets like this:

    JuliaAllison Julia Allison
    It’s a GORGEOUS day in Chicago – I’m cruising down Lake Shore Drive to go watch my dad moderate a panel of judges discussing law…stuff 🙂
    20 hours ago

    I love how she’s constantly posting about the accomplishments of other people her age ( high school and college acquaintances) who are just leaving her in the dust…getting graduate degrees, starting to build families, etc. Meanwhile chunky Julie Baugher is still just posting pictures of pink dresses, getting dumped and putting as little effort as possible into her “column.”

    She really is a Miss Havesham, but she’s frozen as a petulant, entitled 15 year old high school brat, so it makes sense she’s tagging along while her mommy and daddy do errands, because she has nothing else to do and they pay for everything…just like in high school.

    Loser.

    • Robin should take Donkey on a husband-hunting trip to Europe, all “Light in the Piazza” style. Of course, Jackles is the polar opposite of Yvette Mimieux’s character, but she might be able to fool a guy for whom English is a second language.

      They LOVE her in Deutschland, ja? Donkey shame, darlin’, donkey shame.

    • Beautifully put.

      Princeton reunions coming up at the end of the week! Do you think she’s going to go, or is she going to milk the broken-hearted boo-hoos for a bit?

      (Do not get me started on Princeton reunions and their pathetisadness. Every other school, you go to the reunion every 5 years or 10 years or whatever—only Princetonians need an annual suckling at the alma mater’s teat. The P-Rade is one of those events that fills me with embarrassment for being a white middle-class person in America.)

      • C’mon now, it’s fun. I only went back for my 3rd & 5th, but it was a blast – I think our reverence for Reunions is oversold (I don’t think we’re all that rah-rah about it as the media/etc would believe) but it is a good time. Isn’t that a reason to go back every year? I’m not being belligerent … just my opinion. What bugs you about it? Have you ever been? Again, curious, not cranky. xx

        • The old men who come every year take it waaaaaay too seriously. I don’t think the media overstates their rah-rah at all! George Schultz ass tattoo, etc., etc.

          I can see the point of coming every year for the first few years, as it sounds like you did, just to catch up with friends—why not take advantage of your school hosting a big party to schedule a get-together, sure. A bunch of us did that with our school’s big anniversary gala even though it wasn’t a reunion year for us.

          Coming every year for 40 or 50 years, though? Bleagh. Bringing your adult children who aren’t alums themselves? Super-bleagh.

          I went to a different college entirely, but one of my BFF teaches at Princeton so I have encountered Reunions in the past few years. Also, I bartended there in 1988 and 1989.

          • Tl;dr: if you and other recent alums like to use it as a convenient meetup, more power to you. It’s people like Dadsers who are the pathetisads.

          • Yeah, there’s a hail-fellow-well-met aspect that’s a little much. But what’s worse than Julia’s Dad going each year (doesn’t bug me, and I don’t think he does; plus, the older these alums get, do their classmates remain their only alive friends?) is Julia owning it and being rah rah when, honestly, she has no right to. Hope everyone was (a) nice or (b) amusing when you bartended.

          • Amusing, but in the “horrible stories of elderly WASP creepers straight out of a New Yorker cartoon” manner of amusing, alas.

            And it’s not like my alma mater doesn’t have its share of those, either!

        • Every other school wants to be like Princeton in terms of its reunions and alumni engagement. I went to Stanford and the alumni association people were obsessed with trying to get as much alumni support and attendance at the 5, 10, etc year reunions as Princeton got every year. This is an asset for the school and increases the value of your degree over time (since alumni giving is one of the metrics in the annual college rankings).

          • Every other school wants to be like Princeton in terms of its reunions and alumni engagement.

            The school I went to doesn’t, to the extent that you can only attend reunions if you’re in one of the five-year reunion classes (or if someone who is in one of the reunion classes brings you as a plus-one).

          • In any case, no matter how much we all may disagree about Princeton reunions, we all agree on one thing—Donkerina’s Princeton fangirling is another example of her tryhard.

            (You know, I may just be freaking out about reunions because it is my own 25th college reunion next week. So take everything I say with a donkey-sized salt lick.)

    • Countdown to JA shoving her Aqua-clad cutlets n’ curlz at OMGLAWYERS as Dadsers mutters ‘cute’ sardonic comments in 3..2..1..

  60. I am now convinced she will be forever alone. The crazy is just too much for even the most insane guy and they would not have the fuck you money she wants. The only reason she is going to that panel is to try to land a rich lawyer.

    • This, and it was probably dadser’s idea. Two birds/one stone kind of thing. “Look Julie! People working! Maybe one of them will marry you and you can plop your raft ass on someone else’s couch.” Then he and Raoul can finally redecorate the omg downtown condo.

      • I’m sorry, but if Dadsers really is on the down-low, can’t he get a hairdresser friend to do something about the pelts? Because, PELTS.

    • I wonder if Hipster Lawyer is back on the menu, now that they live in the same city. He [allegedly] took her to Hawaii, after all, and managed to stick out the entire trip without drop-kicking her into a volcano.

      Funny how she never mentions him as one of her legions of friendly exes.
      Maybe this comment will spur her into giving us an update.

      • Rumor has it that he was extremely hurt when she picked prom king over him. I doubt that he’ll take her back.

        • More like he was extremely hurt to hear the way she trash-talked him to mutual friends.

  61. So I just checked out noninterestingsociety because I wanted to see the dresses—nice fabrics, didn’t love the cuts—and saw Donk’s little “Heading out to my parents’ place…” DONK YOU ARE ALREADY AT YOUR PARENTS’ PLACE. YOU ARE CONSTANTLY AT YOUR PARENTS’ PLACE. YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS.

    • And the denial of shopping for dresses that cost more than you make each week is sooooooo Donk.

  62. Ouch. She’s so far beyond two-faced! I looked up Hydra on Wikipedia, just to see if her picture was there, and this quote made me snort (in a tiny and cute way):

    “This monster was so poisonous that she killed men with her breath, and if anyone passed by when she was sleeping, he breathed her tracks and died in the greatest torment.”

    • Hmm, this was supposed to be a reply to Jacy re: Donks trashing Hipster Lawyer. Still, I’m gonna have to blame Julia for this one.

    • Funny, I was thinking about Julia while reading another mythological entry on Wikipedia, this one about Priapus:

      “n a ribald anecdote told by Ovid, he attempted to rape the nymph Lotis but was thwarted by an ass, whose braying caused him to lose his erection at the critical moment and woke Lotis. The episode gave him a lasting hatred of asses and a willingness to see them destroyed in his honour.”

      Italics mine. Braying has been a bonerkiller since time immemorial.

    • The statue of Perseus with the Medusa head at the top of the stairway at that big art museum …

  63. OT but worth it, from cats to cats:

    Tip o’ the cat to Kentucky Wildcat #D1Softball women who run-ruled Notre Dame and beat U of Mich 7-6 in a great David v. Goliath battle. Go Cats! Love me some D1 Softball.

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