And If They Won’t Stay Friends With Her, She Will Terrorize Them and Their New Girlfriends

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From the gargantuan pity party she has thrown for herself on her blog:

It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does. And I thought it sounded like it applied to your situation – separating from Jack is a decision your mind has made, but your heart needs time.

—-

Reader Alyx

This is exactly how I feel.  Intellectually I know it was the correct decision.  But we’ve spent the weekend together, just hanging out and enjoying one another, and well … it’s hard not to be like “Ugh! Let’s not do this whole “break up” thing! Let’s just keep trying! We can work this out! Who cares about logic!?!?”  Yeah.  And that’s how you end up making bad decisions …

Anyway, the good news is that staying friends – like I am with Jack – helps me get over breakups much faster than having them peace out of your life.  I don’t know if that works for ALL breakups, but at least with me, that’s crucial.  I don’t do well when I lose people I love completely.

338 COMMENTS

  1. Reposted from last thread in reply to Shamoolia about the possibility that “enjoying each other” is code for “accidental baby pancake”:

    That would be so horrible for the kid, but the idea of her finding out how much of a shit the Navy gives about her pregnancy/birth is really funny.

    “What do you mean you still have to deploy?! Can’t you see I’m GLOWING? FINE! But I expect you to start your paternity leave at east a MONTH before my due date! WHAT? No paternity leave?! Who will take all the videos for my Yummy Mummy Having Sex and the City blog?! Is Yimmy available?! Where are my pink chocolate YSL smelling salts?!”

    Welcome to single parenting, Julie!

    • She really does think her eggs expire at age 30, doesn’t she? The melodramatic “I don’t have that kind of time” is just too much. I get it … fertility starts to decline. But plenty of women get pregnant at 35-40 and beyond. It’s not impossible. She’s acting like this entire break up is some kind of marriage and family issue when if you read between the lines of her post, he’s clearly just not that into her and letting her down easy.

      “What Jack wants for his career is an intensive, difficult path that would make it almost impossible / incredibly difficult to have a family in the next 5 years – and I really want that … if I were 25, trust me, I would never, ever give him up. I would wait it out. But I’m 30, and I don’t have that kind of time.”

        • Constant yo-yo dieting does not, in general, help with fertility. Picking a weight and sticking with it, unless it’s ultra-low or super-high, is considered to be a better plan by most OBs.

      • But, but? I thought Jack wasn’t even sure if he wanted a career with the Navy?! The lies as exhausting.

      • Also I love how the dipshit just assumes she will find someone to impregnate her in the next few years. I am a bit older than she is, desperately want a family and haven’t found “the one.” It goes fast cupcake, there are no guarantees anyone will want your crazy ass.

        Not that I believe this justification anyway. If he loved her he would bend. He doesn’t.

        • Every one of my friends who stressed about this in their early 30s and who wanted to marry and have kittens has done so (one is in the process of adopting a kitten, but it doesn’t seem that getting married earlier would have made any difference for her fertility) between ages 35 and 42. All but one met their huscats through online dating.

          • And all the huscats in question are really good eggs, stand-up guys, cute, and fun. Not creepy picture-of-dick-sending losers.

          • You – generally – have to be a good person to attract (and keep) a good person, though. Julia has this working against her.

          • And trust me I’m all OVER online dating. I date constantly. Doesn’t seem to get me anywhere in terms of finding a long term mate but there you go.

          • I don’t mean to be all patronizing, JFA-Heroin Starved Rat, but that really is the experience of my friends circle! The one who didn’t meet her huscat online met him at work.

          • No, I don’t mind at all – I like to hear anecdotally that this kinda shit works out for people. Sometimes I lose hope.

      • She needs to be impregnated NOW!!!! Not the best foundation for a loving, thoughful, engaging and caring relationship.

      • But plenty of women get pregnant at 35-40 and beyond. It’s not impossible.

        Yeah, pretty much everyone I know had their kittens in that age range, with outliers at 28 and 42. It’s another way in which Donkerina is out of step.

      • You know, I will cut her some slack for saying this is what she wants and letting a relationship go if it’s not taking her down the path she wants to go.

        If only she wasn’t such a victim-y asshole about it. Also: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I feel so sorry for those children she wants to have. I only hope that motherhood calms her the fuck down, but given others’ experience here and in my own life who’ve had NPD moms….I really doubt it.

        • I’m pretty sure I know how motherhood will go with her. She’ll adore having a baby and even a toddler, because she already treats her dog and her family and herself in infantalizing ways. A small mirror of Julie she gets to dress up and photograph! But man oh man when that child (everyone pray to all the gods of history she never has a daughter) reaches seven, ten, sixteen, and instead becomes JA’s own Dorian Gray portrait, and Julia herself is the painting in the attic? In short, I am afraid.

          • Wow, does this every resonate with me. I was raised by a Julia. She looooovvves the cute little babies. But when they get bigger and start challenging her, instead of cooing at her, she goes off the rails. She did this not only with the four of us, her children, but with her grandchildren. My brother once caught her about to beat on his 11-year-old boy with a wooden spoon because he mouthed off to her (deservedly so, she was on his ass about something trivial). She loves children when they’re under three or four, hates them from about five to 19, then expects them to love and worship her again when they’re no longer children, and cannot comprehend that she’s done so much damage that the grown children want little to do with her.

            Cuckoo.

          • oh jacy, i have an mother-in-law just like that. so irritating. it gives me an intense feeling of anxiety to watch her fawn over the little grandkids and recreate history by insisting she was/is the best. mama. ever. if one of her now grown (all in their 30s+) children “defies” her by making a decision in their personal lives that she disagrees with, she shuts them out for months at a time. very, very, very frustrating. the worst part is that the biochildren are used to this behavior, having lived with it for 30+ years.. so when a child-in-law (such as myself) tries to address it, they get all flustered about how she is just the way she is. i get that she is the way she is – but that doesn’t mean that i need to silently condone the crazy!

      • Does she not realize that saying that she ‘loves him completely’ but is breaking up in order to find someone else who will put a ring on it as fast as possible…

        IS OBO’ING.

        God I dislike her.

      • What the fuck is she even talking about? Since when did she want kids? All she brays about is how much she loves being tri-coastal…how she feels most at home when she’s flying off somewhere. Why is she tricking herself into thinking age wants to procreate when that would be the worst thing possible for her, Jack, and the child.

        • I was wondering the same thing. I thought she even said back when they first start dating that her mother called her out on whether she really wanted to ever get married or have kids, and julia realized that she really didn’t think she did want that.

          oh, I know. she meant it–at the time.

        • Donkey’s gonna have hell finding anyone to foist a kid off on for weeks at a time. She just needs to buy a babydoll to dress up & be done w/ it.

          • Haha exactly. Imagine Lilly was Julia’s child with a previous boyfriend. It would have been a tiny bit more awkward for Julia to leave a her child with Yack while she jetted about the country for no reason.

          • There are mothers who do this, leave their kid(s) with a guy they just started dating whom they barely know. Scary as hell.

        • She probably wants kids because Randi, Jordan and a bunch of her peers are moving on to the next chapter. Her long winded post basically said her dream was to eventually live and work around San Fran and now she hears the biological clock ticking… so she basically wants to be Randi.

          • THIS. She never, ever talks about wanting kids or kids in general. If she has them it’ll be because everyone else is doing it/to snag a man. I really hope she doesn’t. She can’t care for a dog for crying out loud.

  2. What stuck out to me most about that post is she is clearly implying she had break up sex, but yeah, the creepy allusion to ex stalking made my skin crawl, too. Did you hear that [redacted]??? I DON’T DO WELL!!

    She is such a creepy, creepy person.

  3. Little early to claim that you’re staying friends with Jack, cupcake.

    I spent a full year in a fucked up ‘friendship’ with a serious ex (we’d lived together for 3 years, not 3 weeks, etc.) and in my experience, ‘staying friends’ after a serious relationship is a minefield of remorse, one-last-time sex, prickly egos and general mindfuckery. BAD IDEA JEANS.

    But I’m not the Emotionally Healthy Julia we all know and love, so maybe I’m in the wrong on this one.

    • You are so right. I think it can work if you’re in different cities and can’t easily see eachother — IE get loaded, drunk text, end up fucking, then go home feeling like you’ve just erased all the progress you’ve made, then spend three days hating yourself — but Donk is too mental to be able to handle even that kind of a friendship. The moment he doesn’t reply to a text she will go off her nut and assume he’s banging someone else, make it her life’s mission to find out who that is, and then Facebook friend the chick to tell her how “tiny and cute” she is.

      • I actually spent almost a year in a long-distance “friends” relationship with an ex, and it sucked. All the emotional fuckery with none of the fun sexytimes. We finally realized how lame it was, and that if we really cared about each other at all we needed to shut the door for a while.

      • Yeah, I find that the exes I am friends with are those who have been out of my life, relationship-wise, for some time, usually living elsewhere and in another relationship. If you’re both in the same city, single, and just off of the relationship, it’s really not a good idea.

    • I love you for saying “BAD IDEA JEANS.”

      Yeah, I have done the fucked up post-relationship “Oh, we’re friends! Friends who fuck! Friends who talk about running off to Las Vegas and getting married! Friends who have angry drunken late-night phone arguments! Friends who have awkward reconciliations, followed by more sad.com fucking!” nonsense, too. That’s not friendship, that’s co-dependence.

      After that guy, I vowed to take a year off dating. Then six weeks later I met the huscat, with whom it was bliss from jump.

      And I am now friends with that ex, too; we gave it some space, and now we enjoy a very occasional lunch together, Facebook friendship, etc.

      • I love your story. I have also learned, from some very bad experiences, to cut ties with all exes, even people I only dated for a short period of time. Too much potential for fuckery. I recently vowed to take six months off of dating, in order to refuel my spirits. Hopefully I have the same happy result!!

    • This. In my experience, it’s always been the person who doesn’t want to break up who insists on “remaining friends” immediately after being dumped.

      Give it time, Julesie, and realize that, sometimes, maturity doesn’t mean having the ability to maintain a friendship with an ex. It means knowing that you cannot.

      Glitter and dollar signs,

      PRC

  4. She stays friends with her exes?

    When did she last speak to PK?
    Or TK?
    Or [Redacted]?

    • She doesn’t speak to them so much as she speaks at them…while they flee.

    • Or Mary?
      Or Jordan?
      Or Meghan?

      For women she once considered her “sisters” it’s funny how they also now want nothing to do with her. It’s actually kind of troubling how she can’t maintain healthy relationships with anyone -male or female – and how fast they go from OMG BFF LOVE OF MY LIFE to, oh, getting restraining orders. It’s even more troubling how she insists they remain close.

      • what was the final fallout with meghan? do we have any idea what caused that?

        • Meghan seems conflict-averse and wimpy. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a slow burn and fade rather than a fallout. Just guessing.

          • Ya, that was my impression too. Seemed really uncomfortable being in the middle of the JABa/MareMare competition, saw the consequences when anyone dared opt out, so did a very wise and dignified slow fade. Seems to be thriving quite nicely now that she’s clear of the cray.

          • I could never understand what Meghan Asha was doing with Julia and Mary. She always seemed so out of place when she was with them…and I mean that as a compliment. Julia and Mary are cut from the same shallow bitch cloth but Meghan is different, and I’m glad to see she’s doing well.

  5. Staying friends with exes right after a breakup is rarely a good idea. Even if the breakup was totally amicable, you need time to get each other out of your system and make the mental move from “this person is my significant other” to “this person is not my significant other.” It’s totally possible to be good, platonic friends after some time has passed, but Julia’s preferred method of boyfriend–>OMG best friend is a recipe for drama.com.

    Actually, who am I kidding, she wants the drama.

    • I think with her it’s that she’s so emotionally crippled and unstable. She says she wants to be “friends” with her exes but what she really means is that she wants to continue to be able to depend on them and have them continue to pump up her self esteem.

  6. “Anyway, the good news is that staying friends – like I am with Jack – helps me get over breakups much faster than having them peace out of your life.”

    HORESHIT, especially for you, Julie. Even emotionally mature people struggle to pull off the “I’d rather be friends than nothing at all” routine, so NO WAY is this possible for you, unless of course by “staying friends” you mean peeing on him via self-indulgent vimeos, slide shows, and the occasional cunty email that just happen to coincide with the advent of the ex’s new relationship. Also, who other than Dan still talks to her?

    • I would also go so far to say that I’m mistrustful of people who brag about being cozy with all of their exes and use it as some sort of badge for open-mindedness and excelling at relationships when in fact it is often just ego-stroking, not to mention completely unfair to their current SO.

      The Julie in my life flirtily banters with and makes frequent references to past conquests and and an ex-fiance, and I have no idea how his current fiance doesn’t flip the fuck out over such disrespectfulness.

      • Yes!! So agree with this. I don’t trust anyone who is good friends with their exes. I believe that it’s possible, but my default is to proceed with caution.

      • I think it’s just plain weird to be friends with your ex. I’m friends with one of mine, and he has told me point blank that he is still in love with me. It’s never a normal, healthy relationship, and I’m totally wary of dating people who are uber close with their exes.

      • As a man I can tell you that almost all the guys I know (including a 6 month chapter in my life a long time ago) remain friends with exes for 2 reasons.

        They were broken up with and are still in love.

        They did the breaking, but want the “friends with benefits” action.

        I’ve done both and while the 2nd option was fun for awhile (for both of us!) it was not helping either of us move on.

        I also don’t know how anyone can be normal friends with an ex, other than maybe a Facebook friend or something (though I am not Facebook friends with any of mine).

      • I think its possible to stay friends with your ex if you fall our of love and the romance dies and eventually you are really just friends while you are still dating and decide to stop dating. At least that is the background to the one ex-bf friend that I have. We’re also not super cozy but decently friendly.

  7. RE: those PJ’s w/ footies & a back flap: I have no idea why this occurred to me but it did — I wonder if Mrs. Nutterworth was being a stealth bitch by implying FlapJack was only w/ Donkey cuz she does anal? And she also gave Donkey a ho(orror) theme t-shirt of some kind?

    Something tells me FlapJack will be Donkey’s least-stalked ex …

    • I love ya, but this might be the most outrageous conspiracy theory yet. Pretty sure no mother imagines her son boning someone up the ass and so buys pajamas to facilitate that. I suppose I could be wrong but if so, I will need to vomit in the shower stat.

      • That conspiracy theory was (indeed! literally!) hatched during a Benadryl haze, & quipossibly w/ a subconscious mindset that FlapJack has come out to Mrs. Nutterworth.

        J/K, don’t take it so seriously!

        But I do like to think that Mrs. Nutterworth has been snickering & plotting, rather than sitting back, letting it unfold.

    • I don’t think Cindy has some kind of controlling hand/intense interest in the relationship like we all joke about. Sure he looks like a motherboy, but she has four kids, there are probably boyfriends and girlfriends cycling in and out of their life all the time. Julia was barely a blip on the radar for them. I feel sorry for the McCains because she will probably try to continue to ingratiate herself into their lives for all eternity. Dammit Julie, you’re actually making me feel sorry for the friggin’ McCains!

      • THIS! I don’t think there’s any basis for thinking Cindy is some sort of ultra-cunning Macchiavelli. I haven’t even seen evidence that she’s more or less blundering than Donkey.

  8. This line really bugs me, when I think further on it:

    “I don’t do well when I lose people I love completely.”

    What a fucking victim. You mean when you lose people because you’re a selfish, inconsiderate, cheating and/or foot-stomping entitled hosebeat and they finally see through you and want the fuck out?

    If you’re a complete princess in a relationship and finally the guy grows a sack and bails, you don’t get to remain friends.

    Idiot.

    • This is just another classic of the”I’m so cute, I’m so twee, no one is as sensitive as little old me” genre. Yes, Julie, no one else has ever been upset after getting dumped.

    • YES. I commented on this above, but it’s the same thing in her female relationships. She goes from being “sisters” to them wanting no part of her. She suffocates every person in her life with her narcissism and neediness. It’s telling that the only people she can maintain relationships with are a. her family b. people that don’t live in the same city as her or c. childhood friends she doesn’t see that often.

    • Narcissists freak the hell out when abandoned. In fact, that is the ONLY thing that ever nudges them toward seeking help – the threat of abandonment. Seriously, she has no idea how revealing her nutso confessionals are.

    • When has Donkey ever loved anyone completely?

      Three years here & eight years there would be non-issues when it comes to forever being w/ someone you love ‘completely’, especially if & when no job or kids or ailing parents or other facts of (grownup) life come into play.

      How long is Donkey going to milk the McCain teat anyway?

      • I think she intends completely to modify the verb lose, not the verb love, as in “I don’t do well when I completely lose people I love” but your point is still valid. Also, she is a horrid writer.

    • There are three “I’s” in that sentence.

      Not one “they” “there”.

      Case closed.

    • Who exactly does well when they lose someone they love completely? this makes her special how?

  9. I don’t think any of her “real” friends posted when she “broke up” with Prom King (or any of the others) so it’s nothing new that anyone real other than some half fawning/dumb asses, half made-up “followers” on her blergh are the only ones who seem to give a fuck.

    I’m sure any real connections of people who know here are all rolling their eyes – HERE WE GO AGAIN – and thanking god they aren’t in the same city and praying they’re not going to get a late night, weeping phone call this week “Can I…. *sob sob sob* *hiccup* Can I stay…. *sob sob* *gulp*… Can I stay on your couch OH BOO HOO WHY DOES LOVE NEVER WORK OUT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE??”

    At least Randi has a great excuse to gently decline.

  10. I think this hoof stomping started because she’d been invited to three weddings this summer and was salivating at the chance to show off her D-list semi famous boyfriend and squeeeee over weddings with him (hinty hinty hint Jack!). When he got his work assignments and couldn’t get the time off, she probably flipped the fuck out.

    • Yes. If she has to go solo to three weddings, she’s going to lose it. She’ll find someone to escort her, guaranteed.

        • Greasy is lucky to be in B-School, otherwise Donk would be angling for him to put a ring on it.

          • She’ll still angle for him to put a ring on it. She told us in that break up word vomit how much she likes to loaf while other people study.

          • I thought he came from/made good money. No matter. If Jules can worm her way into a Palo Alto address, she’ll be able to leach off all of her FB corporate “friends.” Actually, the idea of her eating and photographing all her meals in the FB cafeteria is kind of awesome.

            Do it, Jules!

          • @Worrisome Pelts, PhDonk

            If you just wait, any minute now, Princeton alum Afghani will weigh in to apprise us of Greasy’s current financial statement & future earning potential …

          • Why would Greasy have her, though? What is possibly in it for him? My take on Greasy is that he’s a kind-hearted guy — has to be for maintaining a friendship with this loon — but he has no interest in returning to the stall in any serious way.

          • Didn’t she already write Greasy off for being not affectionate enough or some BS? Or did she even cop to dating him in the first place? Why would he take her back after being OBO’d for pancakes?

        • @Jacy: I think Greasy gets a charge out of enabling her and feeding her persecution fantasies. You’re right, though: She’s already OBOed him once. Why would he let her do it again?

          • He might just be lonely or socially akward. Shy around women maybe. If so, poor guy, because that makes him a perfect mark for Griftypants McBrayerson. Otherwise, dumb. Dumb dumb dumb.

    • Now we’ll just have to settle for her off camera snot filled crocodile tears as she takes a video of the bride walking down the aisle–do you guys remember that, from the UK wedding she attended a few years ago? So freaking disturbing and tacky. I can’t remember the friend, but dollars to doughnuts they haven’t spoken since the ineffable wedding.

    • Yeah – who remembers this tweet:
      “I just moved in with my bf & I’ve ALREADY started nagging 🙁 “

    • Now I’m picturing her introducing Jack to people. There’s no way that she’d say: “This is my boyfriend, Jack.” Nonono, only sane, non-socially-retarded normals say things like that! The gold-digging Donkey way is to say (beginning in a quiet, breathy tone, while petting her pelts): “OMG, you look so tiny and cute! You must never ever eat any bread or sugar! Anyway, this is my perfect boyfriend, Jack (jarring shift at this point to tinnitus-inducing, full-on bray) MCCAIN!! We’re like so perfect for each other, it’s amazing.”

  11. I get the impression that it was not Jules that did the mature breakup but Jack..

    Gosh he proved our theories wrong, he has a brain and some balls..and apparently uses them..

    • I’m guessing she already is/has been. She’s a conniving cheater and he’s been around. Whether she’ll make it Facebook-official, I don’t know.

      I was way off with the Pancakes call and my Derby horse didn’t win so I am not even going to guess.

      • I think that she will indeed make it Facebook official. She’ll wait 4-6 weeks so that she can really drive home the “being single is so empowering!” and “I’m really getting to know myself and feel comfortable in my own skin” thing, and then she’ll lure Greasy into the donkey shed. It’s only a matter of time!

        Unless she OBOs again and meets someone “better.”

        I say: GREASY-HIGH BY THE FOURTH OF JULY.

  12. The divorce rate in the Navy Seals, for example, is something like 80% (according to the Navy guys we were talking with last night).

    Scintillating conversation! She must be a blast to hang out w/ …

    • Especially whilst crying and crying and crying and crying and crying some more. Crying for 24 hours straight! Literally! Even in her sleep! Even while talking to Navy guys!

      Jack are you sure you want to set this precious butterfly free????

    • Isn’t discussing the divorce rate a tad premature…they’d only just begun dating. She is fast-tracking herself to nowheresville.

      • I think that was probably a strategic move on pancakes’ part, having his friends weigh in on how difficult the military lifestyle is on marriages. he probably saw that she wanted all of the benefits of marriage with no sacrifice on her part, so he started working on an exit strategy, working to create doubt in her mind.

  13. PSA: I am @PancakesMcCain on Twitter. Most of ’em were lame, but there was a gold nugget once in a while. I am retiring the account. I hope you guys chuckled a little. 😀

  14. Here we go kids; platitudes are starting, right on schedule:

    Julia Allison:
    “Happiness is a skill. You have to practice it.” – Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo
    40 minutes ago

    • Ohmygooodddddd. So predictable. Is she fucking with us? She has to be fucking with us.

      • For the love of fuck. Why doesn’t she just post this: “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.”

        • LOL! Hahaha. Seriously. “When you finally find the guy worth crying over, he’ll be the one that never makes you cry” or whatever the fuck that saying is.

          She’s as deep as a fucking shallow pond.

          • that saying gives me the ragies, mostly because I believed it when I was a teenager and into my very early 20s. I hate all these fucking trite platitudes. there’s nothing wrong with optimism but the sickly-sweet cutesy stuff is just…gah! are we really doing young girls a favor by letting them believe that life is so neat and clean and every situation can be fit into a box and tied up with a pretty bow? WHAT ABOUT ALL THE GIRLS?!

      • calm down! stop taking it so seriously…..

        Actually let’s helps Julsie out thru her time of need. Julia, top 10 cheesy break up quotes for all time:

        “Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.”
        –Anonymous

        “The hottest love has the coldest end.”
        –Socrates

        “Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never… never forget it”
        –Curtis Judalet

        “Human Love… It is that extra creation that stands hurt and baffled at the place of death. Being human, wanting children and sunlight and breath to go on, forever.”
        –Christopher Leach

        “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”
        –Anonymous

        “It`s bad to lose your towel
        when your eyes are full of soap.
        but it`s worse to lose your boyfriend
        when your heart is full of hope.”
        –Anonymous

        “If we are to judge of love by its consequences, it more nearly resembles hatred than friendship.”
        –Francois De La Rochefoucauld

        “The heart was made to be broken.”
        –Oscar Wilde

        “It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye.”
        –Anonymous

        “If someone you love hurts you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.”
        –Anonymous

        • GURL HOW ABOUT THIS ONE:

          Great passions, my dear, don’t exist: they’re liars fantasies. What do exist are little loves that may last for a short or a longer while.

          Anna Magnani
          1918-1973, Egyptian-born Italian Actor

        • I can’t escape the thought of you.
          Even in my dreams you are there.
          It’s not fair how you’re gone,
          and how you’re moving on so fast,
          while I am still living in the past.

          Breaking up is not a stupid thing;
          instead it makes you a better person
          and realize your mistakes.

          Letting go of someone dear to you is hard,
          but holding on to someone
          who doesn’t even feel
          the same is much harder.
          Giving up doesn’t mean you are weak!
          It only means that
          you are strong enough to let go!

          Breaking up is just like
          having the worst nightmare after
          having the best dream.

          Sometimes we tend to be in despair
          when the person we love leaves us,
          but the truth is, it’s not our loss,
          but theirs, for they left the only person
          who wouldn’t give up on them.

          If your love does not work with that person,
          it just means that
          someone else loves you more.

          If you can’t save the relationship,
          at least save your pride.

          When you love him
          – truly love him,
          how are you supposed to get over him?
          I’ve tried everything possible …
          but I just can’t. Isn’t that what true love is?

          I don’t know what to do now that we’re apart;
          I don’t know how to live without the other half of my heart.

          My biggest fear is that one day
          we will pass each other on the streets
          and have an artificial conversation.

          There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch
          someone you love walk away after they have left you.
          To watch the distance between your two bodies expand
          until there is nothing left but empty space… and silence.

          My heart only fought for what it wanted.
          Now my heart is having to fight to let him go.”

          Watching you walk out of my life hasn’t made me
          bitter or cynical about love, but rather,
          it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person,
          how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.

          Now that I have loved so purely and deeply,
          I have realized how lonely I really am.

          Some people think that it’s holding on
          that makes one strong;
          sometimes it’s letting go.

          You have to forgive to forget,
          and forget, to feel again.

          THERE. DONESO. Moving on…………………….. #grrlpower

        • “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
          –semisonic

          😉

          • Take away love and our earth is a tomb.

            I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.

            Sometimes the person you really need is the one you didn’t think you wanted.

            Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.

            Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

            The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let you live.

            I was born the day I met you, lived a while when you loved me, died a little when we broke apart.

            I don’t want to keep being the girl that keeps crying about the same things.

        • “There’s no room for relationships, there’s just room to hit it.” -Naughty By Nature

      • Exactly. Mommy blogger du jour Kelle Hampton (a raging narcissist who exploits her kids for sponsorships… basically Julia in 10 years) is the same way. She’s forever going on about how she’s continually seeking out bliss, digging for happiness, trying to find joy “in the small things” blah blah blah.

        If someone, on a daily basis, has to think that much about happiness and try that hard to find it … they’re not happy. Happiness shouldn’t be something you have to constantly work so damn hard at finding.

        • agree, totally not a fan of miss hampton!! girlfriend never puts down that fucking camera!

        • how do you guys find out about all these bloggers? i had never heard of pioneer woman until this week’s nyer.

    • we had a yard sale this weekend, and, when I was combing the house and basement for old stuff to get rid of, I found SIX different ‘chicken soup for the _____ soul’ books and a similar book, ‘love adds a little chocolate,’ all of which I read voraciously the summer I graduated high school and was heading to college. none of them sold at the yard sale, so I think my best option now would be to pack them up and mail them to julie. she’ll get a lot of mileage out of them right now, in her time of emotional turmoil. I’ll even throw in ‘it’s called a break-up because it’s broken.’

      now do I address them to san diego? or chicago? hmmm…

      • We had a garage sale this weekend and it’s interesting how no one was interested in the books (except one elderly woman), even for a quarter.

        • one older lady came with a printed list of all the books she already has, and she cross-referenced her list with my books. she bought six books, all chick lit, like marian keyes and sophie kinsella, and she spent a lot of time talking with me about the books I had that she had already read. I thought she was adorable.

          it amuses me that today’s old ladies read chick lit, because in the ’80s and ’90s both of my grandmas were all over the romance novels.

          • I love Marian Keyes. Her protagonists actually press the learn button. Someone should recommend her to Toolia.

          • That is so cute. I work with seniors and am constantly conflicted between not wanting to be patronizing and finding them completely adorable.

    • [img]http://julieamarxhausen.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/footprints-in-the-sand1.jpg[/img]

      • lol………… I was about 10 when I read that for the first time and bawled my eyes out. Now – just roll my eyes

        How have we become so jaded? I implore of you? WHY WHY WHYYYY?

      • My version of this (which may blow my e-cover here, but fuck it):

        …during the most trying periods of my life, there has been only one set of footprints in the sand. Why, Lord, just when I needed You most–why were You not there for me?”

        And the Lord replied, “During those years when you see only one set of footprints, during your times of greatest trouble…

        …you were acting like such a complete asshole that I didn’t even want to be seen with you!”

    • I’ve always this cliche summed up JAB’s attitude towards romance: : “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”

  15. So I guess that whole staying offline thing isn’t working out that well. Is anyone else looking forward to her farewell tweet when she leaves SD? Kind of like the one when she left San Francisco and didn’t expect to feel so emotional after she decided to OBO Greasy for Pancakes?

    Thought so.

  16. She posted that Mother’s Day tweet in what, the middle of the night? We all know if she’d done anything remotely thoughtful she would have blogged the bejesus out of it. Whereas over here in my dank dark litter box I got phone calls, texts, cards in the mail, gifts, gifts in the mail, breakfast and mimosas. My four-year-old presented me with an African violet he’d grown from a little sprout, and he would be . . . four. So bravo, Yules.

    • Or what about on v-day when she vimeo’d her special homemade pink bags for her “sisters”
      Now that was thoughtful

  17. hey, is the photo on the post a still from ‘desperate housewives’? because I was obsessed with ‘melrose place,’ and I’m just not remembering when badass dr. kimberly shaw was wearing a bridesmaid dress and cocking a rifle, and I do not watch ‘desperate housewives.’

    • I find the picture to go along with this post alarmingly hot.
      Which may explain why I haven’t found Ms. Right yet.

      And all those therapy bills.

      • This! Do you also get turned on by women singing angrily? I can’t stop listening, but I feel bad about it because I don’t think the artistic intent of, say, Ani DiFranco or the entire riot grrl genre is to turn me on. Perhaps therapy will eventually enable me to stick to acts like Shirley Manson, CSS, Amanda Palmer, Emily Haines, etc, who I’m pretty sure are at least half-trying to turn me on. Julia can’t be faulted for failing to find a therapist if I’m consuming every last therapy resource imaginable.

        • The whole riot grrrl thing gets on my nerves. Particularly when they try to sing and snarl at the same time and sound as if they’re coughing up some sort of pussy hairball.

  18. She will never tweet that she and P’cakes have broken up. Never say never, but don’t believe she will do it. Either Mama McCain or Pride are stopping her.

    • Sorry, it’s turning into my own “I need to see the body, dammit! Blood and gore be damned!” rallying cry. Unless she publicly tweets it, the relationship could still be out there, lurking.

      • She actually tweeted this an hour or so ago:

        JuliaAllison: “some (pretty sad) news: http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/5288792171

        It’s a link to the break up post…which tells me you’re correct in that she’ll never directly announce the break up to those who won’t bother to read the post.

  19. And once again I am left wondering how she was ever paid cash money, actual legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve exchangeable for goods and services, as a relationship/dating/sex columnist.

    • I think perhaps it was the issuance of said Federal Reserve Note for practice, not theory. Of course, for leaving those sorts of men one does not issue emo manifestos. One simply goes to visit Mr. Chase and makes a deposit, whilst whistling all the way.

    • I know, and when you see how clueless she is now about relationships, imagine how bad she was back then. How a dim-bulb like her ever gets hired to THINK and then put in to words exactly what she’s thinking is a great mystery. Sometimes it seems like life is just one big scam, meant for ignorant, manipulating, low-lifes like Julia Allison.

    • I believe she’s compensated with bags of this:

      [IMG]http://i56.tinypic.com/3462ql4.jpg[/IMG]

  20. I haven’t commented here in a while but her break up screed just made me lose it. Bullshit on her! They move in together and then 4 weeks later break up b/c he will have no time for her?? Right! He got sick of the crazy and bolted. Plain and simple. She can spin it anyway she wants.

    • But they planned their future together!

      A future that somehow missed the next three years he would be in Guam…

      • I’m sure she just assumed that once he got a piece of the golden, skin-tagged vadge, he’d ditch his boring old Guam plans and make her the priority she so richly deserves to be.

      • I don’t think they are capable of planning more than 5 minutes into the future, like dogs, cats, and some advanced species of fish. So they really meant it when they said they would stay together. It was the mean old Navy who said “sorry you can’t bring your donkey with you to Guam” and ruined EVERYTHING.

      • She could work from anywhere in the world. Guam included. She would be living with him so where the hell is the problem with time and work? I guess medical residents don’t marry or have relationships b/c of time and I guess Jack’s no one in Jack’s squadron (or whatever you call it) has a significant other either. Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! She is such a liar. Sorry, but reading that breakup piece really set off my bullshit detector 🙂

        • base housing is for those legally married…gfs do not count..and I do not see Cindy putting DOnkey up at the Guam base on Cindy’s dime..

    • If he did tell her anything of the sort, he was blowing smoke up her ass/trying to be nice. Letting her down easy, etc. Of course the lunatic takes it to heart.

      Makes no sense cupcake. If people are in love they do what they need to do to work things out. He just wasn’t that into you. You read that book, right?

    • Tumblr down of course. Did she post something new? If she did, someone was obviously reading here.

      • She posted a quote from calvin coolidge. Her 5th post since Oct 2010. GOOooooOOOo Persistence yay!

        Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Education will not. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

        Calvin Coolidge

        • Ya, Meg-o-Lantern is really a model of persistance. LOL!!!!

  21. The way “Alyx” spells her name is fucking stupid. Therefore, her advice is invalid.

    • A few of her *ahem* ‘reader’ names sound like they were lifted straight from the ingredients label of a BPC bottle …
      — Jensey Root
      — mizziemizzie
      –Allegra H

  22. fuck, MORE bad news!!! creepy John Cacavas is urging her to #followurdream

    John Cacavas: 11 hours ago
    What’s holding you back from moving to SF? You’re all packed up, yes?

    juliaallison [Moderator] 1 hour ago in reply to John Cacavas
    I might move there in the fall. I have some work obligations in Chicago that preclude it until at least October, but after that I will try to move out there.

    • wait, fall = when Greasy starts school at OMG Stanford and needs a roomie he can live with and possibly date.

      Plot thickens.

      • Ya, legalese. Transbraytion: Giving Greasy time to do the work and pay the expenses of setting-up a suitable living arrangment and then she moves in.

        • Yeah, dear lord, what is she, crazy!? Of COURSE she doesn’t want to show up too soon in the game; if she shows up too soon, she may actually be expected to pay part of the rent!

    • Work obligations in Chicago and yet she just told everyone that she had moved in with her McCain in SD. yes, I know that it blew up in her face like all previous attempts at relationship, but where do these Chicago obligations fit in with her narrative.

      Donkey. Such a terrible liar.

      • Warning. You are entering a minefield. Do not attempt to reconcile reality with the Donkey script. Your head could explode. Trust.
        Remember: never the donkey.

        • lol – from her site:

          We’re very sorry

          Our servers are over capacity and certain pages may be temporarily unavailable. We’re working quickly to resolve the issue.

          In the meantime, please consider donating to the Red Cross to help those in Japan who are in need of support.

          • wait, say wha??? but non-society is a cutting-edge life-casting platform with an agnostic API built by a tech woman,,,,,

          • Ha. Servers are down for all but Julia.

            When the Waa-aalllls. Com tumble’in down. COme tumblin tumBLIN. Doooooooowwwwnnnn!

      • hahahahahah! I think my favorite part of the Donkey show is when she blatantly lies and she gets called out about it (using her own statements no less) within seconds.

        Re: “you’re all packed then”. Sorry, did I miss the part where she got a job offer or ANYTHING that required her presence in SF? Why is she intent on moving there?

          • This. Perhaps since the Meghan—>Yack strategy didn’t work out, perhaps the next page in the Donkey playbook is moving to the Bay Area to test the viability of a Randi—>Mark scheme. Donkey wants sooo much to sink her hooves into that man. Of course, she’ll be living with Greasy while she’s doing this.

      • Exactly, work obligations are preventing her from moving to San Fran. Please.

        It’s more like having to pay rent. I doubt writing a check out to Cindy for the one month she “lived” with Jack.

        • More like boarding fees and carpet cleaning expenses for poor little Lily dog. She was there more than Donkey.

        • This is the elephant in the room, the thing she will not admit. She can no longer afford to pay rent. Pancakes was perfect — she could live free at the retirement community (the fucking gall, by the way … I would have offered Cindy to pay rent in that situation, and the rudeness involved in braying she was MOVING IN with her boyfriend while he’s living for free in his mother’s condo … what an ass) and then go and live free in the OMG downtown Chicago when she needed a break from Lilly and Pancakes. Right? Perfect set-up.

          Pancakes must have figured this out pretty quickly. Leaving the dog behind for weeks, I would imagine, probably really illuminated a lot for him.

          • Exactly. She’s the one who talks about how busybusybusy Pancakes is and we know Lilly isn’t housetrained. Combined with Donk’s peripathetic lifestyle, that’s a perfect recipe for soiled floors and cranky McCains.

          • She can no longer afford to pay rent.

            could she ever afford to pay rent? maybe the year she pulled down $100k from the star gig, she could afford to pay rent herself, but otherwise…?

    • “I might move there in the fall. I have some work obligations in Chicago that preclude it until at least October…”

      Right, Julia, being a social media columnist OBVIOUSLY interferes with moving to the Bay Area. Papers rarely or never encourage their writers to immerse themselves in the global centers of the stories they are tring to cover.

      Just tell it like it is, Julie: you need to return to Mommy and Daddy’s condo while you look for a new place to live. And this time, unless you want to return to Chicago again soon after you leave, I suggest you pick a living situation more stable than moving in with a guy you barely know.

  23. It’s all so goddam transparent. She’d adopted a new identity, like a crab crawling into a new shell, when decided she was Kate Middleton. The brunette “commoner” finally getting to live out her pink fairy tale with a flight suit wearing American version of a prince. She just about fucking said as much on the her retarded sideways blog. The photo of William in his OMG FLIGHT SUIT showing the Queen his plane…you know in Donkey’s head she saw that as Jack and Nutty Granny Moneybags.

    She really thought she had this one in the bag. It was a fantasy she could last a long time in. The glamorous burden of being a military wife in a wealthy, high profile family. Oh, the sacrifice. Oh, the service. Oh, the photographers! Oh, the money! Oh, the adoration simply for being MEEEEEEE.

    This is the most selfish sadness I’ve ever seen in my life. She’s fucking gross.

    • Yup. For Julia, being a military wife would be the height of drama and attention for her.
      I know people who are military wives whose husbands don’t come from multimillion dollar families. They live near base in crappy areas (Fayetteville, anyone?) and it SUCKS. They stick it out because they love their husbands, but it is a hard and painful life for them.

      I can bet you that Julia saw the attention military wives get for being so strong in what can be very difficult circumstances. She’s such a narcissist that she’d LOVE to be the maligned and lonely military wife who is *SO STRONG* for her country and her man. Can’t you just imagine the iphone photos she’d post to her blergh? Images of her staring out the window, with a steely gaze but a tear coming out the corner of her eye… “My hubby is leaving for Guam again, however will I survive?” (Cause you know she’s the type of bint who would refer to her significant other as “hubby”).

  24. While I feel bad for the SF people that she will be invading your hood at least she is staying the hell out of Phoenix. We have enough drama without a donkey

    • but she’s coming your way (in the form of her column). Watch out. Keynote speaking engagements and singings will follow!

    • Who knows? I am hoping for an awesome “Farewell Coronado! I didn’t know I loved you until JUST NOW.”

  25. As I’ve written before, I really did want to like Julia. I thought (still think!) she was attractive in her Georgetown days and thought she may have had something going with her perpetual blogging.

    But you think about people that blog a lot, and they usually have some sort of underlying purpose. I think we could forgive the pink/cupcakes/dresses if there were a base of interesting, useful, thought provoking stuff out there. I could even forgive it if her site was meant as a diversion. But she is too vapid to take seriously, yet thinks of herself as a serious person so you can’t even chalk her up in the same category as lolcats. I remember seeing on one of her various blogs that she went on TV I think around 2006 and was chyron-ed a “Democratic Political Consultant”. And she wrote something to the effect of, “I thought, ‘I’m not qualified for that!’ and then thought, ‘No, why not? I know as much about politics as any 24 year old out there!'”

    Really? There are people, including young people, many of whom I know, that have worked for years by the age of 24 as community or political activists. You are neither; you’re a faker who is hot enough from a very far distance to put on TV.

    That episode (as, um, one of those young people who worked for years as a community and political activist) is something that really annoyed me. And it’s representative of her whole existence. Hey Julia: you’re not a political consultant; you’re barely a writer; you’re not a sex columnist; you aren’t someone who can write about her (successful relationships); you’re not a model; you’re not a television personality; you’re not an international political/economic expert… you’re none of those things, yet you pose, at one time or another, as the situation suits you, to advance your own career!

    And I might even be able to get over all of THAT if she ever learned from her mistakes! I loved the last post, looking back in time, because it so perfectly captures the blog!/love!/sad.com!/rinse!/repeat! cycle of Donkey’s life. She has set so many stupid goals for herself (fuck you money, etc.) and she won’t achieve them, at least in the way/time/manner she wanted to, because she can’t have a sense of perspective about herself. Look, if you started NS and sold it for $10 million, I’d say, “Wow, you are entitled and vapid bitch, but you know what you want and you go get it.” And from maybe 2007-09 I sort of had that grudging bit (only a bit) of admiration for her.

    And yet… all these opportunities fall into her lap, and she can’t make anything of them. She can’t learn, or grow, or improve as a person. You might call it… arrested development.

    And all of this bullshit — the lies, the facades, the whining — is why, when she has something actually decent happen, and happen the way she claims it did (I now think Sweden, for example, went down as she claimed) — no one believes her, and no one is happy for her. (And her stories don’t even make sense. You’re writing a social media column that’s run in like St. Petersburg and Calcutta. You don’t think you can write that from anywhere in the world, and fly back a couple times a year for “meetings”?)

    You have to work for things in life. Start at step 1, work your way up, work hard, be a decent person, and let things work themselves out. JABsters wants everything to be PERFECT! RIGHT NOW! and it doesn’t work (or more specifically, there’s an illusion that it’s working, during which time she snubs her nose at her haterz, before it crashes) and she tailspins into depressions, and that fades, and she looks around to see how she can be PERFECT! RIGHT NOW! again. But that’s not how the world works.

    Wipe the slate clean, get the fuck off the internet, see a shrink, get a low level position somewhere as a writer (if you can), go one step at a time, and five years form now, maybe some of us will have some respect for you. By the way, if you can do it successfully, I for one will respect you whether or not you have a Prince Charming on your arm.

    • Do you want to write this blog? Because this is exactly how I feel. That and I think she’s a stupid, stupid bitch.

    • I don’t think that being a writer is what she wants at all. It’s just something to do. What she really wants is to be on a TV show and have people envy her.

    • She’s never going to be a writer. She sucks at it. The other advice applies.

      • I don’t particularly care that she be a writer. She should just pick SOMETHING and do it, and actually work at it.

        Though I think PWS is correct, she really just wants to [be on TV and] have people envy her.*

        *TV part optional.

        • Ha, yes the TV part is optional. It’s one of the most obvious paths to fame, but certainly if she can find true, national fame on the internet then she will sell her soul to whatever entity she needs to sell it to STAT.

        • Bah.. In the 2 years or so I’ve read this site, the only thing Julia shows an aptitude for is 1) wedding photographer and 2) bullying businesses into sending her free shit. She really has no talent, at all. She refuses to take any job she feels is beneath her so she can’t even be something simple like drive-thru cashier.

          Peter Baugher, I hope you cry yourself to sleep at night.

          • Wedding planner. I have been saying it for years. It would be perfect for her. She is obsessed with cheesy weddings and she’s good at badgering companies/venues/retailers to give her shit for free and/or at deeply discounted prices. She could spew all sorts of self-help book platitudes when the bride is off her nut. Honestly, it’s her calling, she just doesn’t realize it. And she could also blog about it if she kept peoples’ names out of it — she would at least finally have some content. Donkey, if you’re listening, hear me — WEDDING PLANNER. It’s a billion-dollar industry and you can finally make your fuck-you money!

          • and she could meet her dream dude while planning weddings!

            [img]http://cdn.crushable.com/files/2008/07/wed-plan.jpg[/img]

          • Exactly. She could hit on all the grooms and/or groomsmen and make her own little romcom fantasy come true!

          • My God.

            Jacy, you are a genius.

            Julia, if you are reading (HA!), listen to Mother J. Hang your shingle out as a wedding planner and watch the fuck-you money blizzard around your ears.

            /touches the hem of Jacy’s robe, encourages Julia to do the same, smirks to self at result

          • What if she used one of her bullshit connections and got a low-level job at Facebook? Then she could move to SF, pay her own damned rent and even continue writing her column on the side (because let’s face it…for those of us who really work, that column does not constitute a full-time job.) But I believe she thinks she is too good for that. I don’t know if she could stomach working FOR Randi or Mark. But if I had a connection like that, and I needed a job and wanted to move to SF, I would have made something happen long ago.

          • As much as she would love planning her own wedding, I really cannot see her planning anyone else’s, even if a paycheck was involved.

          • The only wedding she would be able to plan is her own. She cannot take other people’s wishes into consideration.

    • Very well-put. Shows nicely how Dunning-Krueger relates to Julia (aka Donkey-Cougar).

    • She should hire you to be her shrink, LTL. She is in dire need of long-term help but I don’t see that happening. She’s not even capable of admitting to ever being wrong, so she’ll never be able to admit that she’s a total wreck in need of professional help. From what I understand, narcissists don’t operate that way.

      • This is what is so amazing!

        In an age in which many of us have fallen pray to narcissism and self-involvement (including and most specifically me), he is the anti-thesis of that. He values service above all else. I had never met anyone quite like him. He helped me see how caught up in this false … whatever it is I had. Bravado, maybe? Insecurity masquerading as boastfulness? Self-involvement? He didn’t do it in words – I just had to be around him, and it became clear that the way I had led my life these past few years wasn’t the person I wanted to be, now, or in the future. He allowed me to see some aspects of my life clearly for the first time.

        then:

        It hurts, bad. I thought he could be it … and I was so ready to build a life with someone.

        What gets me is how oblivious she is. She says that Pancakes showed her the error of her narcissistic, self-involved ways…. and then ditches him for her career. (Let’s take this all at face value, and assume she has a career.) Now, if I had some terrible personality disorder, and after years and years I met someone who showed me the error of my ways and how I was an asshole, I might think, “Gee, maybe I should stick with this person, and s/he can help me be a better person.”

        But no! In the very same post, JABsters reveals that she broke up with him because it’s all about her (career) and a fantasy with no basis in her actual life (just wanted to build a life with someone… anyone). I cannot imagine the level of cognitive dissonance one must have to hold these thoughts in her head simultaneously.

        • It is so obnoxious and delusional the way she always refers to her “career.” EARTH TO DONKEY: THERE IS NO CAREER. THERE’S NOT EVEN A JOB. She’s so far removed from reality, and except for the catladies and catgents at RBD, everyone around her continues to support the insanity.

    • I want to print this out and hang it up on my wall, so every time I get Cankleshausen by Proxy I will be immediately relieved.

  26. Fortunately, when she says “Move to San Francisco” she means palo alto or some place down the peninsula. I am certain will have no impact an people who actually live in, say San Francisco!

    • Eich… I live in SF, work on the Peninsula, and go to school in Palo Alto… so… I stand to be infiltrated by la donk no matter what part of the Bay she crash lands in.

      • thank god I’m safe in the east bay – only the poor, gross, obese people live over here *whew*

      • I just really can’t see her doing well in SF. No tolerance for pretty pretty princesses (save the Marina). And I don’t know why, but I keep getting this recurring image of Julia “recycling.” God, how I’d love to watch her try to be green.

      • I seriously do not know what I will do if I see her in Hobee’s. Perhaps she’s so embarrassed by the picture with the coffee cake and eye-bags the size of coffee cakes that she has vowed never to return.

  27. Someone in another post/thread out it so aptly. No matter how many women Pancakes/ Prom King/ Redacted 1,2,3, etc. dates from now on, in Donkey’s eyes, she is the only one. No one will understand Pancakes like she did! They had such a deep relationship! They talked about a future together!
    Dan from high school is the only ex with whom she seems to still be “friends.” They broke up over a decade ago, and she still refers to him as her “high school boyfriend” and “first love,” etc. even though he is fucking engaged to another woman. She ingratiates herself into his life and his current relationship by repeating that she was the first! She knew him back when!
    Beware to all of Donkey’s ex boyfriends and future ex boyfriends: if you don’t stay friendly with her, she will get bunny-boiler on you and force herself into all of your future relationships and accomplishments. If you do stay friendly with her, she will do the exact same thing.

    You know what also grinds my gears? This bitch was dating him for six months. They lived together for about two weeks, if you count the number of days they were actually together. Cut the fucking melodrama. You barely knew him, you crazy Donkey!

  28. (is it tots obvious that I’m procrastinating my work today on Jules-ballz?)

    She’s so boring she is now just re-tweeting her own dumb RT’s:
    RT @RikLan From @JuliaAllison ‘s column @SocialStudies – How the #RoyalWedding almost destroyed the Internet at http://ow.ly/4QAxm #AlwaysGoodReading

  29. april 14th:

    Hello there … so if any of you check my twitter, you would have seen this tweet, from a few days ago. Jack has asked me to move in with him, here in Coronado (the island off of San Diego, where the Naval base is located), until he leaves for Guam later this year (maybe October, could be November, even possibly December). [Side note: He has also told me he would love for me to move to Guam with him, but he knows that’s a discussion we’ll need to have closer to that date. It seems more likely that we will try a creative long distance option, where I visit him every two or so months, for about a month.]

    He actually asked me over the phone, when I was at SXSW a few weeks ago, and I tentatively said yes, but because we haven’t been dating all that long, I suggested we take a trial run. Then I flew back, spent a few days with him, and promptly departed for three other cities (SF, then Chicago, then Sweden, then back to Chicago). I had planned to head from there to New York, then DC, then New York again, and finally back to San Diego, but at some point during Sweden, he texted me – in the kindest possible way – and asked me to come home. Home meaning Coronado.

    Honestly, it’s a funny thing, transitioning to being part of a couple (and considering someone else’s needs). It seems like it would be automatic, but it really isn’t. Especially after you’ve been single for quite some time, you forget about basic couple-type things – like, uh … checking in with another person. I haven’t had to do this since I was dating Alex, quite a few years ago now (I purposely don’t count my numerous 3-6 month relationships, as we rarely achieved this level of commitment so early).

    This isn’t exactly a revelation, but it has occurred to me that a successful relationship means (besides never having to say you’re sorry) breaking the habit of only considering your own career, family and friendships. With this in mind, I canceled my appearance at the Dressed to Kilt event, canceled the DC trip, and moved the second portion of my New York trip (to do press & meetings for my new column) to next week, so Jack and I could have two uninterrupted weeks in the same physical location.

    it’s gotta really sting that, when she put aside her peripathetic lifestyle for TWO WHOLE WEEKS so they could play house together in cindy’s condo, it was during those two weeks that he realized that this was a huge mistake and she wasn’t what he wanted at all.

    if only she had continued to be selfish and flit off to the opening of every envelope across the country, she could’ve dragged this relationship out for another few months. shame, that.

    • A shoot-and-run on Virginia. Funny how it’s always politically correct to show professional, accomplished women thru the lens of some sexual escapade that is no doubt enhanced for locker room bravado (perhaps only men in the midwest don’t kiss and tell) so as to demean their professional successes.

      Fuck’em. She’s better than small dicked, small minded men. Yeah, growing up in a household of women with an abusive dad I know exactly the female demeaning that goes on, covertly and overtly, in America.

      • “Asked about Rellie’s story, Heffernan says, ‘By now, I pretty much only remember his version because I’ve heard it so many times.'”

        Point, set, match: Heffernan.

  30. So, can we take a poll? Who thinks:

    a) Jack got sick of her dumping the dog (& the dog dumping) so he dumped her
    b) Jack is an asshole jock who tots used her “I LOVE YOU JULIA!” then dumped her
    c) Jack is a psycho who thought he liked her but then realized he was marrying his mother so he dumped her
    d) Julia was mature enough to realize that their lives were diverging & that she is simply not unselfish enough to put up with that life (HAHAHA) and let Pancakes go to fulfill his dreams
    e) a-c
    f) all of the above

    • (g) Jack McYack, spoiled and stupid, found a similarly vapid creature with a decent bod who gave enthusiastic head and mostly stayed out of his hair until one day he said “I wish you were closer…” – an idle comment to keep the pussy wagon hitched and ready – and that pink tutu’d nightmare heard “AND THERETO I GIVE THEE MY TROTH” instead.

  31. “Navy planes overhead as I walk Lilly down the beach sidewalk. It’s my favorite part of Coronado, this walk every morning with her. I will miss this walk …”

    No offense to Coronado Beach, but that picture looks like how I imagine hell.

    • Aww, poor Lillychops, she always look happy in the beach photos, with a little dog smile for once. Maybe you should leave Lilly with Jack, Julier, no point in ruining everyone’s life.

      • Don’t worry, she’ll probably go live with Momsers and Dadsers. Julia seems profoundly over dog ownership.

  32. I am genuinely curious as to what her column this week, which I believe was due today, will be on, given that she has been busy breaking up and packing her shit so she can get the fuck out of that glorified nursing home of an island. And wasn’t she supposed to leave today?

    • I’m sure her editor, managing editor and sales director will understand if she didn’t feel like filing this week. She deserves a break, she’s been at this, what, 6 weeks now?

    • Me too since she was soliciting/begging questions about social media since Friday.

    • Or maybe her column IS her taking a break from social media? Ooh, how meta of her. Maybe there will be a huge white space with “Julia Allison is taking a break while she recuperates from a broken heart but is pretending her absence is a social media experiment about which she will write 750 words (with 250 of those words being some version of “I”) next week” in 24-point type.

  33. Oh good gawd …. this deserves it’s own post, methinks …

    Actually, yes … my spiritual guide is a wonderful woman named Erin Pavlina – ErinPavlina.com … she has gotten me through the last three breakups in my life, including this one, and helped me to grow as a person substantially. I owe her so much for helping me to see these life lessons more clearly.

    I also turn frequently to my mom, who has a background in psychology and is one of my best friends. Her wisdom has helped me throughout this relationship (and many of the ones prior, too). She is an invaluable resource and comfort to me, and a powerful deterrent when I want to fall back into bad habits. She is also incredibly supportive, and lord knows I need that.

    I’m absolutely “in process” right now with this. I think I had a bit of emotional whiplash over the weekend, and I’m letting it settle in slowly this week. I’m probably even going to stay in Coronado until next weekend, as (you might think this is odd) Jack and I are having a pretty great time together right now. As I said in the post, we’re not breaking up because we don’t like each other, we’re breaking up because eventually our lives will become incompatible.

    I know there will be more downs in the future – I can’t imagine that there won’t – but for now, I’m grateful that the ending to this part of our relationship was at least filled with love and gratitude. I know that sounds hokey, but I mean it.

    • Whatever it is Erin Pavlina does, she should have her license revoked. Also, “in process?” It’s in the queue—along with that lifechanging John Mayer concert.

      • See my next thread post on who Erin Pavlina is. This is GOLD right here. Taking advice from Erin Pavlina on romance is like taking advice from Charlie Sheen on anger management.

    • Momser is “is one of my best friends.” This is true. They stopped speaking for a while, which is totally in keeping with how all of Jools’s friendships go.

    • She must have some naked photo on Pancakes… why would he let her stay???? And the spiritual guide? O.Mah-Lawd.

      Spiritual Guide = a person I pay (or grift) to not tell me the truth about my life.

    • I am sure it will be a surprise to no one that Erin Pavlina is a complete nutjob (in my opinion).

      • must be. i mean, she let julia crash her spiritual (whatever) workshop thingy in vegas last halloween wearing a slutty firefox costume.

        • Erin Pavlina’s cray may be more impressive than Donk’s, actually.

          Her ex-husband is a self-described internet self-help guru, famed in the pick-up artist scene and others. He is a pathetic and greasy little man.

          For many years, Erin did all the financial heavy lifting while Steve Built His Brand as an Internet douchenozzle. Then he announced in the world’s most passive-aggressive blogpost that he was “trying polyamory” because he needed to “expand his horizons” and of course he still loved Erin but she agreed this was something he had to do blah blah blah.

          Her brilliant riposte to this, chronicled on her blog, was to go on a crash diet.

          Eventually they got a divorce to the surprise of nobody, and he fucked her over in the financials. Ewwww.com is what I am saying.

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