Julie Albertson Claims She’s Quitting The Internet Again … Except For “Contractual Obligations” To Tribune Media Services

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Contemplating a social media experiment where I go off twitter/FB/tumblr for a while. I’ve been thinking about doing this for some time now.

I’ve actually been weaning myself off of all three platforms for the last month or so. I feel better. We’ll see. I just need a change.

That said, this “social media break” won’t stop my obligations for @SocialStudies, or re-tweeting relevant articles on occasion.

Yes, OK. She’s been weaning herself off all three platforms lately. Despite the 8,000 Tweets the other day in which she declared war on sugar.

Also, let’s revisit the other two times she claimed she was quitting the Internet, shall we?

There was this little flounce-off when she caught so much shit for alleging [REDACTED] had mental health issues when she went on Gawker and took questions. her e-mails to [REDACTED] demanding he buy her a MacBook Air surfaced on Reblogging Julia (RIP).

She was back less than a month later.

And then there was this hilarious episode, after Prom King — whom she blogged about not loving — so profoundly broke her heart by ending the series of theme dates that so enthralled her even though he didn’t read enough and wasn’t hot enough. Two days later, she was right back at it, claiming in RBNS chat that “contractual obligations” required her to continue blogging, and pledging to detail soon exactly what those contractual obligations were. Guess what! She never did!

92 COMMENTS

    • Ashton, but how can Julie help you if she leaves the internet?
      Ashton, how are you going to help us?

  1. Meh. I suspect it’s all going to be fodder for some future column — “I tried so hard to quit the interwebs but I came back like a lab rat lost in a maze trying to find a candy bar filled with heroin flavored nougat!”

  2. So, based on the events preceding the last two times she called it quits, is something amiss with Pancakes?

    • Oh, something is definitely amiss with Pancakes! I think their relationship is sinking.

  3. So she’s not going to use Twitter, except for when she does? Sounds great

  4. How exactly does one write about social media as their JOB but remove herself entirely from all social media? Don’t worry, that is a rhetorical question since Julia will never follow through.

    Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Indeed.

    • knowing her, *SHE* will be the topic of her next social media columns. With some unpunny joke for a title. :/

  5. Btw, as a candidate for my Ph. Donk, I must correct one inaccuracy: The first flounce off happened after her emails asking [REDACTED] to “live up to his promise” of buying her a macair for xmas leaked to baugher.

    • I trust you. I will change it. I thought she flounced off after all the commenters went nuts on her head, but when I think back, I believe you’re right.

        • @idiotbox

          re: Cankleshausen. Glad you asked!

          Actually, I am responsible for the term ‘Cankleshausen Syndrome by Proxy’, a play on the term ‘Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy’. I coined the term after an extremely severe bout of second-hand embarrassment experienced after reading Julie Albertson’s blog posts, tweets, etc.

          Can’t quite remember the original definition I came up with at the time. It was posted in the old RBNS Wiki, which sadly, is no more.

          • to the rescue!

            Cankleshausen Syndrome by Proxy • Extreme embarrassment experienced by proxy due to Julia’s highly inappropriate and/or embarrassing actions, tweets, IMs, blog posts, interviews, lipdubs, TMI Weekly segments, TV appearances (e.g. Alexa Chung), Gawker comments, etc. Coined by commenter Dr. Gary DDS. cf. Munchausen syndrome by proxy

          • @PrincessWidestance: Well, Wikidot shut it down for “TOS violations”. I still have all the content, and it’s pretty much finalized for relaunch here on RBD. So put it in hairily familial terms, it’s in the queue!

          • That blows. I’m so glad you have all the content though because that was the shizz. Very important for me back when I was studying for my Donkology undergrad.

        • Oh man, those links are great. They’re our memories too.

          Such a good person she is, so in touch with her core values.

  6. she’s so BORRRRRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! (and dumb)

    how can her editors put up with her shit. “Oh ok Social Media expert, instead of promoting yourself/articles you just go right ahead and go dark and take as much time as you need!”

    • She’s probably just going to go dark for a week so she can write a column about going dark for a week.

      She sucks so hard.

      Where is the Sweden coverage?

  7. Since she doesn’t think, this is her previewing radio silence.

    Meaning, Pancake is dumping her and she is trying to avoid another meltdown.

    • I would propose that it is perhaps a Pancake ultimatum per Cindy: “shut your Web hole if you ever want to be part of the clan”. Of course I could be wrong.

      • Why did she just do this?

        juliaallison: I’ve never seen so much food in my life. We could feed entire Navy! RT @CindyhM1 Mothers Day BBQ on Coronado Beach. Going to be so much fun.
        about 1 hour ago via web ·

        • Oh how nice for you Julie, maybe you could share ALL THAT FOOD with ALL THE PEOPLE ON FOODSTAMPS so that they don’t have to buy candy for sustenance.

          Cunt.

        • Oh, she forgot the other exception to her “social media break.” Contractual obligations to her column, RTing relevant articles, and reminding everyone she’s dating an OMGMcCain.

        • Who is this “we” she references? You know she did not cook, pay for, or participate in said BBQ.

      • That’s what I think. She’s becoming an embarrassment to them, and she’s been asked to refrain. Or who knows, timing is weird, maybe TMS told her she was embarrassing herself and their brand and she should chill the fuck out.

        • has julia met cindy and john before, or is this weekend the first time?

          • Just like when Kate Middleton attended William’s RAF wing ceremony! Zomg, Donk probably truly believes they are living parallel lives, with the Duchess playing wifey in Anglesey near the RAF base, and Jules pretending to be all Republican and Stepford in Coronado.

            How many notebook pages has she filled with “Mrs. Julia McCain” and the like?

  8. Dammit! I proposed on the “Julie Albertson: Really Fucking Dumb” thread that perhaps RBD ignores Donkey for a few days.

    The Baugher Burro beat us to it!

  9. Truly remarkable. She couldn’t even stay off for an hour, just had to re-tweet the relevent fact that she is in Coronado with OMGCindy! Never reads here.

    “We could feed the Entire Navy”! I don’t believe Julie payed for a dime of it. She isn’t going to lift a finger to help and she won’t be able to resist posting photos of the McCain/Mother’s Day BBQ.

    • Ha! I just posted something similar above. She must be going for the royal we. She is a pretty princess after all.

    • Good Lord, I hope they are not serving anything with sugar in it! Because it’s POISON! And the government should outlaw it, just as soon as it outlaws people making fun of Julie Albertson on the Internet.

    • But she never eats meat!!! I can’t really picture Cindy grilling Julia some catfish.

      • On the contrary. I can well imagine Cindy trying to Cease & Desist the eternal braying w/ a fish bone.

  10. That picture is so gross it’s not even funny. Ugh. That picture and the one where she has the piece of blueberry coffeecake in front of her gaping maw make LITERALLY make me want to vom in the shower.

    • This really is the worst of all the many “LOOK I AM LICKING PASTRY” photos. Ew. It makes me want to sob in terror.

    • If a bray-ee falls in the forest, does it make a sound?

      What is the sound of one maw clacking?

      These are the questions that keep me awake at night.

  11. CATSHITS, I PASSED THE BAR!!!!!!!

    Btw, Julia Allison “quitting” the Internet is a gift that keeps on giving.

  12. Jack dumped her. She needs the downtown to figure out how to spin it. It’s that simple.

    Sorry Julia. You’re not Kate Middleton. Go fuck yourself.

    Also, this made me fucking VOM IN THE SHOWER

    “Do my partners expect me to be an expert in the bedroom? Yep. And at the risk of sounding … umm … really egocentric, I don’t disappoint. It’s not that I was born with innate skills or anything – it’s just that I took the whole thing seriously, got books, studied up, asked my partners what they liked, was willing to experiment.”

    So Julia licks ass?

    • Someone who is so concerned with appearances that she will contort herself like a pretzel to be photographed at the “right” angle is not going to be good in the sack. To be a hot lay, you have to have a certain sense of abandon. She has none.

      However, I will concede that she may be good at the beej action because she has so much practice with the gaping maw.

  13. You know what else she could wean herself off of? Momser’s and Dadser’s credit line, housing, food and allowance.

    (I also love her using the word “contemplating”, like she’s Gautama Buddha meditating in a garden about how she’ll only use Twitter on weekdays or something.)

  14. OMG, what a liar. HOW. HAS. SHE. BEEN. WEANING. HERSELF?????

    And what will happen to all the girls??? Something tells me Cindy’s twitter stream was all jammed up with Julia’s crazy and Julia knows she better STFU if she wants to keep her Pancakes.

    PS, how glorious that Julia and Cindy will be around each other this weekend. LOL. L.O.L.

  15. No, no, no! She’s not “weaning herself”! This is her subtle way of telling the world that she HAS a ween!

    • Ew, but it looks better on her than on Donkerina.

      Also, WTF with that story? Even for the Daily Fail, it is ridonkulous. “Jordin Sparks is unrecognizable after her 30 pound weight loss!” On what planet is someone six feet tall “unrecognizable” after a 30 pound weight loss? That’s like two dress sizes at that height. OMG SHE’S A SIZE 8 INSTEAD OF A SIZE 12 I COULD BARELY RECOGNIZE HER I hate everyone.

      • I think Jordin Sparks is a lovely and talented young woman, btw, and she always looks great and radiant. I just cannot the body policing.

    • AH, JUST SAW THAT! like clockwork, breakup = ashram visit + quitting the internet

      • read her breakup post… and now i almost feel a little bad for her…?
        well, i’m pretty sure after some radio silence and sulking, the burro will be back to tweetbragging in no time. the hilarity and cray will continue to unfold, just as the sun rises and sets.
        Farewell Pancakes, we hardly knew thee. Welcome back, Greasy, into whose arms I’m sure Julie will fall next week.

    • NO WAY THIS JUST HAPPENED YESTERDAY.

      No way you ask someone to move in March and turf them in May — unless you realize you’ve made a huge mistake. Maybe he’s more like Gob than Buster after all!?

    • Guess there was something rotten in the state of Donkmark. Jacy called this one a week or more ago, and Donk is already doing the manic spinning. “We broke up for the US of A! For Jack to save us from Bin, oops, Al q-something. I am broken, broken, broken! How will I go on? I can’t possible leave twitter without letting everyone know of my pain!”

    • She’s been setting this up for awhile now.

      No way this just happened yesterday.

    • You know it and sometimes you just know when you know. Maybe a week or more of Julia tweeting her brokenness and then she’s off to Greasy and Standford Bidness School by proxy.

  16. Not really buying that they broke up yesterday because she started the conversation. They broke up sometime before his b-day for sure.

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