Julia Allison Admits To Her Tens of Column Readers that She is a Royal Idiot

The title wasn’t bullying, by the way. I was just commenting on an article written by a developmentally stunted, gold-digging loon.

Royal Wedding Dot Com

At 3:30 a.m. CDT Friday, April 29, my iPhone blared a special Royal Wedding alarm: “Glee’s” “Raise Your Glass,” rousing me for the fairy tale about to unfold 4,000 miles away.

And yet, my own brother’s wedding last summer didn’t feel as real as this — and I was standing 7 feet from him as he took his vows!

I prepared with a full-out “Wedding War Room”: TV turned to ABC’s Barbara Walters, desktop browser opened to both the official Royal Wedding YouTube feed and the MSNBC livefeed, an active #RoyalWedding hashtag Twitter stream on my iPhone and Facebook’s British Monarchy page on my laptop. All the while, I live-tweeted, live-blogged, live-Facebook-status-updated (like this one: “@JuliaAllison: No matter what, Prince Harry ALWAYS looks like he just rolled out of bed after a wild night clubbing with Ke$ha”) while guzzling from the endless fountain of online royal commentary and clicking links frantically like a starving lab rat pressing a lever for bridal heroin.

At one point my mother exclaimed in delight, “We have a better view than the Queen!” and indeed we did. The Queen could not check out the spectacular multicam HD Westminster Abbey views on YouTube. But we could!

Media historians will likely credit these nuptials for setting a new global standard for digitally integrated, exhaustingly comprehensive “360-degree” event coverage: multiplatform, interactive, and very, very social. (Some 48 hours later, the subsequent social media tidal waves created by Osama bin Laden’sdeath served only to reinforce the trend.)

Clarence House — the official royal household of the new Duke and Duchess ofCambridge (aka Kate and Wills) — was charged with making the ritual and tradition of monarchy relevant to the modern age, with their webpage (http://www.officialroyalwedding2011.org) promising “the most digital and interactive coverage of a Royal Wedding to date,” and boy, did they deliver. From YouTube to Facebook to Twitter to Flickr, nary a social media platform was overlooked. In 24 hours, the idea of royals being exclusive, isolated or unapproachable shattered like the dreams of wannabe Princess Brides (OK, fine, there’s still Harry).

On Twitter, @ClarenceHouse asked its 133,020 followers if they wanted to see the royal wedding cake (they did!). With military precision, they issued updates on the wedding party outfits, and linked to a copy of the Bishop of London’ssermon mere seconds after he finished delivering it. Music from the ceremony could be downloaded from iTunes and official family portraits were available on the monarchy’s Flickr stream. Of course, the entire event was HD livestreamed.

The couple couldn’t have been more accessible than if they had stood in a reception line for a year!

Indeed, the wedding broke records of concurrent viewers — 300,000 on Livestream alone at 6 a.m. EDT — and dominated trending topics on Google and Twitter. Mentions of the #RoyalWedding hashtag topphttps://rebloggingdonk.com/wp-admin/media-upload.php?post_id=12091&type=image&TB_iframe=1ed 1 million by midceremony alone.

Meanwhile, Facebook recorded 6.8 million mentions in 24 hours and hundreds of tribute pages, including one titled “Pippa Middleton is single — Prince Harry Likes This,” which garnered 94,899 fans and comments like, “He’s not the only one.” (Sigh.)

“Social media is now an integral part of covering a live global event like the Royal Wedding,” explained Ryan Osborn, NBC’s director of social media, in an email.

But all this online socialization wasn’t at the expense of television viewers. Many people used both. According to Nielsen, 9.6 million viewers tuned intoNBC’s “Today” show, its largest audience in 10 years. ABC’s “GMA” averaged 8.65 million viewers, the biggest in two decades. Meanwhile, MSNBC garnered more than 18 million video streams online.

“Social media was a great compliment to our TV coverage,” said Osborn. In other words, TV and social media do not have to be zero-sum, but instead can create a positive feedback loop of deeper viewer interest and engagement.

I found something incredibly charming about the way the wedding was handled. I felt almost as if I were in a global stadium for a Royal Bridal Super Bowl with all my friends. I wasn’t the only one:

@mrjoezee: “Can we do this everyday? A world spectacle, a fairytale romance, good hats & David Beckham all before breakfast.”

[Source: Tribune Media Services, although I shouldn’t worry, because Poofy is the world’s biggest (LITERALLY!) poacher]

225 COMMENTS

  1. Eighth!

    For someone so fucking concerned with her word counts, she spent almost 1/3 of that column talking about herself (approximately 235 words, not including her little asides.)

    Julier — save it for your fucking blog.

    • Srsly this. And her stupid asides “(sigh)” as if it’s awful that men find someone other than her attractive. She’s such an idiot.

    • She’s Carrie Bradshaw 2.0 IRL! Of course she’s going to write about her life – it’s fascinating! I really do find it incredibly fascinating and ridiculously charming and ineffable!

    • Donkey’s whole problem with word counts is that they limit the amount she can talk about herself. She’d have trouble maxing out the character limit on a tweet if she were talking only about things other than herself.

      On a related topic, the word “I” is only one character, and “me” and “my” are only two, but all still count as a full word! So unfair! These word restrictions are really cramping Julia’s style!

  2. And the Pulitzer committee can officially quit reading for the rest of the year because this is an amazingly groundbreaking amazeballs ineffably nuanced syndicated column – literally, the best I’ve ever read. It was tiny, it was cute, I give it two sausage thumbs up!

    And what’s sadder – that she had a special royal wedding ring tone alarm or that she probably never actually slept at all?

    • I’m thinking she didn’t sleep because reading that column was reminiscent of a first-person account of of a raging manic high, a nightmare account of a frantic meth binge, a tweaker up all night engaging all her gadgets and websites and cellphones at once, like an octopus-armed speed freak, bug eyed and switching from gadget to gadget, babbling and typing, not making sense, the room begins to spin with the excitement..

      It was exhausting just to read. And of course I’m not implying anything about drugs, just that wow, what a whirl. And so much bullshit in there. And what’s with, my own brother’s wedding last summer didn’t feel as real as this-and I was standing 7 feet from him as he took his vows! Really, Julia? I mean, literally? That’s kind of an awful thing to say about your brother’s wedding, that it was so terribly non-royal you disassociated and hallucinated, checked out to unreality, and this royal wedding seemed more real to you. It’s an indictment of psychiatric safety nets in this country.

  3. For fuck’s sake, the tossaway reference to Osama bin Laden?? What’s the POINT??? So she can later say she wrote about him????

    PATHETIC. The only enjoyable thing about her column is the image of her consumed by royal jealousy as she surrounded herself with every possible wedding input.

    • “Some 48 hours later, the subsequent social media tidal waves created by Osama bin Laden’sdeath served only to reinforce the trend.”

      Because the only reason people were frantically tweeting on Sunday night was to be trendy!

      • But what kind of fascinator was Binnie wearing when he was finally shot?

        • I want to hear about his diet! He was so thin! And he had a ton of wives, which means he had a ton of weddings! Let’s hear about the important stuff!

          • This and the fascinator quip made me lol quite a bit.

            Osama was a rich, famous FOUNDER of a successful global organization! Sounds like quite a catch, ladies! Race you to the altar!

          • I must say, my above comment mirrors Julie’s writing style so well that I’m scaring myself.

        • Fairy Godmother to Osama bin Laden: “Okay, okay, fine, you can hide in plain sight in a luxury compound in Pakistan … but you’ll NEVER BE ABLE EAT DESSERT AGAIN!”

  4. I guess it goes without saying, but she is just awful. Every single thing she ever writes is so disjointed, so messy, and so boring. How did she get this job??

    • How did she get the job? Daddy begging someone, anyone to please, please employ his pink princess who has been astoundingly successful at not learning a single employable skill during her over 11,000 days on Earth.

  5. sigh. okay. i realize that all of this he eez a prinz stuff is complicated, but fer fuck’s sake, Clarence House is the official residence of the Duke and Duchess of CORNWALL (ie, charles & camilla). The princes’ apartments are actually in St James’ Palace itself. “Clarence House” means ‘from the office of the Prince of Wales’ – who happens to handle his sons’ PR shit and do the mop-up jobs in the British tabloids because having your own PR rep is not how Brits roll – just like “White House” means ‘from the office of the President/Obama’, or “Elysee Palace” means ‘coming from Sarkozy’ or …. oh, whatever. It irritates me how this all is treated like it’s another world, so complicated, even after being crowdsourced on twitter. I also think, from a social media “angle”, I think that it’s interesting that it’s the staff of the more-traditional Prince of Wales who is embracing all this “new media” – the same guy who is so begrudging in his communication with “old” media. But WTF do I know. I’m not a syndicated columnist with a job or anything.

    • and btw. i happen to be english, but i’m not a crazy nerd. just for the sake of not looking like an idiot, it took me 5 minutes to check my facts on WIKIPEDIA. Without twatting it. See, also: JP basically WRITING JULIA’S OSAMA COLUMN FOR HER before the body was really cold on Sunday.

      I’m also sad for her boyfriend that she didn’t show up for his birthday. I wonder how many chocolate bars he ate in the aisle of whole foods when he told her.

        • Don’t forget, she also commemorated the RW (and her sadz) with a gluten-free “royal wedding brownie” “binge”!

          • I’ll never forget that sad video of her wolfing down three cupcakes – obsessing over them, hiding them under the table as she ate them, swearing that she was going to have just one more bite. It was sad.

          • That video was terrible! She makes food this forbidden fetish and acts like she’s naughty for eating a cupcake. She thought she was being cute hiding it from her “sisters” so they wouldn’t be “mad at her” when their disgust had everything to do with her being CRAZY and ruining her cleanse just to be cute on camera. She thinks she’s funny breaking the rules and rebelling when really she’s making poor choices for herself and leaving the rest of us wondering wtf her problem is.

          • Also what kinda “friends” monitor/give a crap about what you are eating? Who are these people??

      • Yeah, JP did write most of the Osama column Julesie could’ve filed by her deadline if she were nimble.

      • Guys, she didn’t need to fact-check this; she got it straight from Euan Rellie’s mouth on Twitter! DUH.

        • Do you think he intentionally twatted that at her to see if she’d use it? Or is he just a dumbass, too?

        • You know what made me laugh today? Euan Rellie turned up in my city–and a local gossip column–because he is attending the Offshore Technology Conference. Julesie missed a bet by not flying in to cute-meet-up with him.

      • I’m busy and not stalkery, but I have half a mind to write to the papers that ran this & demand a correction.

  6. As a Serious Professional Journalist, shouldn’t she know the difference between ‘compliment’ and ‘complement’? Um… err… oops?

    • I wondered about the misuse of “complement.” It’s contained in quotes, from a source who emailed her. The kindest thing for her to do would have been to clean up the spelling, if she had the wits to know it was a mistake. The meanest thing to do (the bully’s strategem) would to have let the misspelling stand, inserting a [sic] after it. The dodo thing to do would be…what Juliar did…ie run the error without comment.

      • I guess I should have written, “the misuse of ‘compliment.'” IE that she screwed up by either not changing it to ‘complement’ as a favor to the poor guy, or by putting [sic] as a passive-aggressive move. Or….this is the possibility almost too horrible to contemplate…she thought she was doing her source a favor by changing “compliment” to “complement.” Nah.

        • oh, I give up. too many sips of champagne, duckies! Let’s try one more idiotic time: Or…”she thought she was doing her source a favor by changing ‘complement’ to ‘compliment.'” Hee. Do I make myself clear? Class dis-fucking-smissed!

    • It bugged me too, but she’s too sloppy to care or notice, even if she knows the difference.

  7. “Wedding War Room”
    “while guzzling from the endless fountain of online royal commentary and clicking links frantically like a starving lab rat pressing a lever for bridal heroin.”
    “social media tidal waves ”
    “nary a social media platform was overlooked”
    “shattered like the dreams of wannabe Princess Brides”
    “With military precision”
    “The couple couldn’t have been more accessible than if they had stood in a reception line for a year!”
    ““He’s not the only one.” (Sigh.)”
    “TV and social media do not have to be zero-sum, but instead can create a positive feedback loop”

    SIXTH DEGREE BURNS FOR THE STUPIDITY.

    • Between the burns and the skin-tags-by-proxy, there’s not enough ointment in the world.

    • clicking links frantically like a starving lab rat pressing a lever for bridal heroin.

      poor b.f. skinner, one of the most influential psychologists ever, is rolling over in his grave. his groundbreaking work on operant conditioning was all about the lab rats who were…hungry…addicts…right?

      is this what canklehausen by proxy feels like? because this emotion I’m feeling, I can’t even really identify what it is exactly, but it’s more intense than anything I’ve ever felt over her idiotic antics.

      • You have CBP as well as sixth degree stupidity burns. It’s an epidemic, we have to find a cure! ASHTON, how can you help?!

      • Why did the starving lab rats need bridal heroin? Wouldn’t they rather have had food?

    • Julie pretending to understand what zero sum means is making me stabby.

  8. Of course, this would be the article where she pulled out all the facts and figures so it would look really well researched.

    Probably the only article she spent any real time researching….and even this research is flawed.
    Sigh.

  9. And yet, my own brother’s wedding last summer didn’t feel as real as this — and I was standing 7 feet from him as he took his vows!

    Um, how sad is this?!?!?!

    Having multiple media feeds across 2 platforms felt more real to her than fucking BEING THERE. Britt and Allie must fucking HATE HER.

    She’s not only stupid, she is ROYALLY fucked in the head.

    What? Is wrong with her?

    • I know she’s going to turn around and do something extremely cunty soon (she can’t help it), but I’m beginning to think she’s honestly a little touched in the head

      It’s just turning into a parody of itself now….

    • also, she was seven feet away from him when they exchanged vows, meaning that britt and allie put her at the ass end of the line of attendants…which is only appropriate for a donkey.

      they really must hate her.

    • She meant it to be cute and joke-y, but I agree, it just comes off weird and off-tone. It’s like – this doesn’t make you relatable, it makes you either disingenuous or a psychopath.

      • WHAT

        ISN’T EVERYONE COMPLETELY DISENGAGED FROM THE PEOPLE THEY SUPPOSEDLY LOVE AND CARE FOR WHILE OBSESSING ABOUT STRANGERS AND NEAR STRANGERS

        THE DEVIL YOU SAY

    • It’s funny to know that if Britt and Allie have children, they will grow up thinking of Julia as their crazy, slutty, superficial spinster aunt who tries way too hard to act young and hip. Donkey, you’re not ineffable; the word “pathetic” describes you reasonably fully.

  10. It baffles me that she gets PAID (although not much) to write that drivel. What’s with her quoting her own tweets? Who does that? I know she only used it because she thinks it makes her look all cute and relevant but, as with everything else in her life, she doesn’t succeed. Her word choice, her overuse of parentheses, her lack of research, and so much more just pisses me off. I’m an occasional commenter but stuff like this just sets me off.

    It’s bullshit that she put too much time and effort researching this article to scrap it for a more timely one about Osama. She writes one shitty article per week. Think of the actual journalists who write articles about social media and current events. They had articles written about what happened within hours.

    Sorry this is tl;dr but I’ve had a shitty day and she just infuriates me sometimes.

    • She gets paid as much to write that crap as a kid gets paid to mow an old widow’s 1/8 acre yard in the summer.

      The ambitious kids who open their own lemonade stands, of course, earn much more.

    • She’s using this column as her own social media outlet.

      The whole business with the various statistics that starts in mid-way put me to sleep. And I’m a numbers gal.

  11. I cannot help myself, these things must be corrected…

    the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (aka Kate and Wills)

    so kate’s the duke and wills is the duchess? man, those 21st century royals are WAY more liberal than they’re given credit for.

    explained Ryan Osborn, NBC’s director of social media

    julia, I know you were too busy having an aneurysm over the title of ‘princess catherine,’ and you’ve never held a real job so I guess you wouldn’t know this, but people’s titles are usually capitalized. therefore, in your article, ryan should be “NBC’s Director of Social Media.”

    you’re welcome. cunt.

  12. Who did Dad$ers have to blow to get Julie this ‘syndicated column’ gig. ‘Cause JESUS FUCK: Worst. Writer. Ever.

    • We can’t assume he performed such act outside the normal course of business. We have to be open minded… FOR ALL THE GIRLS.

      Thank you Dr. Gary, for letting me bask in your BIRG. Ah, the warmth.

  13. Apologies if this was already called out in an earlier comment (I do not always have the time to read here all day) but in perusing the latest social studies media columns, this has taken the top rank of my favorite julia-ism:

    “Keep your mouth shut,” says my father (unsolicited, I might add).

    ps – i actually thought the twit-bragging column was better than the others so far. maybe it’s because i don’t know as much about social media, but for once it was a little less like Mary’s “to turn on the computer, you push the on button” shit that apparently passes for journalismism in Houston.

    • Watch it, Mark my Words! There are real journalists in Houston, cough cough, and we know that Mistress Mary’s unpaid vanity blog isn’t journalism, and in fact it is that very disconnect which drew, well, the hypothetical “us” to sites that mocked NonSociety in the first place. If you know what I mean and I think you do.

      • No offense meant, sir/ma’am. I was talking about sh*t like this: http://blog.chron.com/houstonsocial/2010/07/i-dont-read-blogs/

        and… well… [really, i don’t meant to split hairs with you, but as we’re on the subject] @socialstudies is also an unpaid vanity blog, just one with the name ‘column’ attached, right? Because that’s what Carrie had, and everything?

  14. Is anyone else feeling like it’s authenticity costume time? I REALLY miss those. Something about the whole not seeing lil p cakes and the tweet about decisions and the britt-dave wedding invite…I just feel the time is ripe. In the past, she did them in her little apt, sleep deprived and usually without options. Call me crazy, but isn’t this the longest time she’s spent in Chicago since forever? I feel the cray comin’ on. OT but I’m in Philly for a conference and had a bad overpriced meal tonight. Went to the Parc. Where should I go tomorrow? I’m at 18th and Market.

    • I would love, love, love some new authenticity costume videos. Hey Julie, can I put in a request for some?

      • The “authenticity costume” moments broadcast from the Pink Palace (Hell’s Kitchen shithole studio apt) were predictable and amazing, but I seem to remember she had a bad breakdown while staying with her parents once. That one caught me off guard. The fact she couldn’t be secure and lead a normal life while visiting her parents was truly laughable, considering that her parents are just about as enabling as can be.

    • She’s Just Stupid – I suggest Barbuzzo on 13th and Walnut. I was just there last week and it was delicious. Especially this creamy sheep’s milk ricotta that came with grilled bread. Mmm. It’s not a long walk from 18th and Market at all (or a short, cheap cab ride).
      You’re also close to Fuji Mountain on Chestnut Street in between 21st and 22nd Streets if you’re looking for sushi.

    • Cafe Tria on 18th and Sansom is awesome for wine, cheese and snackers. La Colombe is a MUST for coffee on 19th and Walnut. Sansom Street Oyster House on 15th and Sansom for happy hour. As for dinner, I like Audrey Claire (BYOB) and Twenty Manning (not BYOB) both on 20th near Spruce. Those are all walking distance, but Philly is so small and accessible, if the weather’s nice, even walking down to Old City is manageable. Lots of great places around 3rd and Market. Hope that’s servicey enough for you!

      • I’ve only had drinks at Twenty Manning but really liked the atmosphere, and dinner at Audrey Claire is good! La Viola is an Italian BYO I like, on 16th, right north of Spruce. They actually have two locations, right across the street from each other. And I have to suggest Capogiro for dessert. Their most convienent locations for you would be their 13th and Sansom spot and 20th – I think it’s 20th – and Chestnut and the gelato is delicious! I’ve had a basil gelato there and it was amazing. I tried it because it seemed like such an odd flavor and loved it.
        Also, there is a Whole Foods down at 10th and South if you feel the need to binge on some organic chocolate bars and cry in the aisles.

  15. Her whole fucking column is about HERSELF. I, I, I… me, me, me.., it’s like reading a really bad cover letter or something along those lines.

    even when she writes about entirely different topics, it always comes back to Julia Allison covering Julia Allison.

    This is why Narcissists make horrendous journalists.

    • Wait, why wouldn’t there be at least several “I”, “me”, and”my” instances in a good cover letter?

      I agree with your point about JABa being a narcissist and a shitty “journalist”, but I don’t see how you get around writing a cover letter from a first person perspective.

      • Well, at least the standard i was taught in b school was that you want to make it SEEM about THEM, not about you… like, really tailor it to the specific company, then subtlety sneak in yourself and how you’d be a good fit for their exact needs.

        you’re right, it’s really about you… but we were taught it was pretty poor form to make it obviously about you (starting every sentence with “I” for example).

        • It seems like resumes and CLs these days are just something that HR runs through a key-word finder to narrow down the candidates, at least for regular positions. For higher positions, the CL is probably irrelevant because you’re in rarefied territory and everything is on a personal basis or handled through search committees.

        • IMO that’s an academic perspective which differs from the real world. I should preface this by saying that I have a high disdain for collegiate job-hunting advice and recommended best practices because it’s usually banal, formulaic, and somehow manages to be lacking in creativity while also not showing a trace of pragmatic thought.

          IF we read a cover letter (in and of itself rare – 95% of the time it’s breeze through a stack of resumes and toss the majority in the trash), we’re actually looking for the person’s personality to show through. Too many letters feel like underdeveloped marketing pieces that perform a superficial analysis and present the writer as just happening to have the solution to a problem. It tends to feel like a rejected first draft of a Popeil script. The other sin is recapping the resume.

          My best advice is and has always been, “just write a good letter”. It’s implicit that you’re applying to work for my company and that you think you’re a fit. If I’ve got to pare down some strong resumes to an interviewable subset and the resumes themselves give me no further reason to bin, I will refer to cover letters.

          (And yes, please use “I” primarily, unless “you” is merited from prior personal contact)

    • Baudrillard?? On RBD? God damn IT, I love me some Baudrillard.

      I want to make sexy times with you for posting this link.

      *hands Lily’s 3rd Eye a vicodin and a wine cooler, turns on 1960’s Swingin’ Bachelor Pad music*

        • Oh, yeahhhhhhhh.

          I’m gonna ‘simu’ your ‘lacrum’ REAL GOOD. If you know what I mean and I think you do (tm Dyspeptic).

        • Click on “Contents” and go to page 171, “Ruminations” and then you can scroll down. I think the relevant part starts “Everything which is produced by way of machines is a machine.” But I’m not sure.

          • Fuck it I’m typing it out. It’s actually a very retrograde classical argument but I think apropos. Our JA, an empty signifier, lives within this collapse of values in a hall of mirrors…
            ” Video, interactive screens,multimedia, the Internet, virtual reality – we are threatened on all sides by interactivity. What was separated in the past is now everywhere merged; distance is abolished in all things : between the sexes, between opposite poles, between stage and auditorium, between the protagonists of action, between subject and object, between the real and its double. And this confusion of terms, this collision of poles, means that nowhere – in art, morality or politics – is there now any possibility of moral judgement. with the abolition of distance – of the ‘ pathos of distance’ – everything becomes undecidable. And this is true even in the physical realm : when the receiver and the source of transmission are to close together, a feedback effect ensues which scrambles the transmission waves; when an event and the broadcasting of that event in real time are too close together, this renders the event undecidable and virtual, stripping it of its historical dimension and removing it from memory. Whether its is virtual technologies which create undecidability or our undecidable world which gives rise to these technologies is itself undecidable. Wherever a mingling of this kind – a collision of poles- occurs, then the vital tensions is discharged.”
            Jean Baudrillard, “Screened Out” page 176
            I’m also into the book ” You are not a gadget” right now ..

  16. Ugh. I don’t like saying this. Because I went to college with her, used to vaguely find her interesting, even briefly considered asking her to get on board for a recent project of mine. I feel cheap saying this. But… my GOD I really hate her Crap. She is an idiot. So many examples i can’t even remember them all. I wanted to like her, I really did. But… wow.

    • This. I’ve commented before under various names, read without commenting for ever and a day, but (mostly) I’ve said nice(ish) stuff (fer reals) and felt guilty reading the gratuitous criticism of Julia’s body (seriously, I’ll trade it for mine, and I’m not saying that because I have low self-esteem, I’m saying it because she looks better in her clothes than I do) or her clothes (a little cheesy and cheap, but personally, I’m no fashion horse – see above).

      BUT enough about me (see what I did there) lately she is just too fucking stupid for words. I think the Trump thing was like the dumbest thing I have ever ever heard from anyone who vaguely claimed to be educated (hence my username). And the fact that she’s dating one of the sons of a key political figure in our country, and that I can’t imagine they didn’t discuss it for like, a second, just makes me, well, imagine that family is even more stupid than Meghan McCain’s columns have led me to believe. And then this Royal wedding stuff – ferget it. I don’t even know where to begin…

      • I hate and am bored by the body policing when catladies do it as much as when Donkerina does it–except that Donkerina has set herself up as official Body Police To The World so there is a bit of “reap what you sow” justification for snapping back in her direction.

  17. Does she ever read the stuff she’s written? I can’t believe she would read this and think it was good. Is even she that stupid or does she just not care any more?

    • Julia Allison: Fantastic advice –> “Social Media Policies: Let’s Talk About What You Should Do” gigaom.com/2011/05/03/soc… (via @mathewi) cc @SocialStudies

      Too bad donkey couldn’t be bothered to follow his advice:
      “Reply when you are spoken to: if you don’t respond when someone asks you a direct question or makes a point in reference to you, it’s like ignoring someone who is standing right beside you and talking to you. That doesn’t mean responding to every troll or flame.”

      RachelBee :
      @JuliaAllison You have to travel to different cities to write your weekly column? Where all have you been so far, and for which columns?

      Julia Allison:
      @RachelBee3 – I regularly have meetings in Chicago, New York, LA & SF regularly for both my column & work outside my column.
      @RachelBee3 – should I be checking with you first before I plan my itinerary? Lol

      So unhinged. How fuck.

    • I’ll bet she doesn’t read it. Given everything we know about her (lack of talent, extremely lazy, bad at pretty much everything), and given the way this column reads, it’s obvious this shit is a profound struggle for her. She’s admitted she was a terrible college student and never handed anything in on time. You know she does this shit last minute and it’s a constant struggle. I’ll bet she barely edits these things.

      • But why is no one else editing these things before they go to print? I realize they’re only showing up in newspapers like the free Mumbai Metro and the Buffalo Spit, Wyoming Daily, but still. These columns are embarrassing to her and the TMS. And a slap in the face to real writers.

        • I’m not in the business so others could probably explain better, but I’m going to assume it’s because there is a profound vacuum of “no one gives a shit” surrounding these “Social Studies” columns.

  18. Said this in another post but she has no clue what life as a royal entails. Her juvenile obsession with the wedding is bizarre.

    • Life as a modern European royal entails being a helpless, powerless, subsidized pet much like Julia is, except taxpayers pick up the tab instead of Dadsers, and since the royalty has some real fame thanks to the obsession of superficial twats like Julia, perhaps they are a bit less pathetic than Donkey.

  19. So she just posted this photo on her blergh:

    [img]http://i54.tinypic.com/swy0jk.jpg[/img]

    “GPOYW. Tonight at a really lovely birthday party. blah, blah, blah…”

    She didn’t fly back to SD to be with her boyfriend on his birthday? But stayed in Chicago and went to someone else’s birthday party (with Mom$ers and Dad$ers)? When is she going *home*?

    My Spidey Sense is tinglin’. I’d say something most definitely rotten in Donkmark.

    *pops popcorn, sits down on couch and waits for late-night Authenticity Costume video*

      • Maybe it’s extra fishy, because there are also new videos about oysters (see what I did there??):

        Says this was posted 7 days ago, but I think she just made it public. She seems *off* in this one. Like she’s heavily medicated or something?

        http://vimeo.com/22926238

        And this one is new, too (with extra braying, for your equine pleasure!):

        http://vimeo.com/22926832

        Did someone get pimp-slapped for not posting any Sweden coverage (per the terms of her *free* trip, perhaps)?

        • “You won’t find anything like this anywhere else. Only in Sweden.”

          What a stupid thing to say. It’s a little oyster shack. Big deal.

        • No these videos have been public all along. I saw them about a week ago. But yeah she is so weird in the first one. Someone on here said she sounds like she is trying to be Ina Garten, which I think is dead on.

          • I vote “heavy fog of painkillers”… she’s fumbling in that first one.

      • no more than that above nightmare pic that must be the 70 virgins Osama was promised??

    • Um….am I smoking crack, or is that a black thong I see under her white dress? Nah. No way. Everyone knows you don’t wear black underwear under a white dress, right?

      • Oh god, now you’ve made me look in …that… area.

        Thankfully, it’s the shadow created by her hands, but still. You made me look.

      • You are correct Madame. It looks to be black underwear, but she’s too conservative for a thong. Most likely a granny style.

        Also, the more time this ho spends with her family the more she writes the ridic of “really lovely birthday party” and the recent classic “he genuinely believes himself late for an important meeting”.

        Finally, she is looking more and more like Robin every day. The Expiration Date hit this one between the eyes.

    • I think the length of her false eyelash is the new barometer for how cray cray she is. She probs owns buckets of latisse.

    • Cuckoo, cuckoo.

      Something is going off here. How long has she been away from SD now, like 2 weeks?? Definitely longer than when she went to Sweden.

      And what is wrong with Fappy? He’s happy just dogsitting away out there on his own?

      Which brings me to: WHAT KIND OF PERSON JUST DUMPS THEIR DOG OFF?!

      I am going on vacay for 3 weeks and am leaving my cat at home with an on/off cat sitter (someone he knows very well, every other day check in/stay over) and i feel TERRIBLE. Not because i know he won’t be taken care of, but because i know he will miss me! And this is once a year thing. How does she do this to her dog every other week or so?

      • Tots. I even considered, looking at that photo from “a lovely birthday party” that she had somehow — against all odds — checked herself and flew out to SD and planned a birthday party for Pancakes without alerting the Internet. Just as a lark, I googled “KiddyKicks” (the ad behind her) and it’s a Chicago store. So in spite of relentless bitching and whole-chocolate-bar scarfing at the mere thought that Pancakes wouldn’t make it to her Tahoe birthcray, she totally and completely failed to do anything for his birthday.

        If Lilly weren’t still in SD, I’d believe JFA and Pancakes were already broken up. As it is, I still sort of think they’re at the “we can try but this doesn’t seem to be working” stage and maybe that’s part of what fueled the RoyalWedding madness (and the “my boy Taylor” posts). Other than his birthday (“happy birthday to a special man”), we have heard ZERO about Jack since she mentioned “missing him” about a week ago. Normally (heh), I’d say “Brava, Julia, finally keeping shit under wraps! You’ve learned discretion” except that she has repeatedly shown no discretion re: this relationship and I have no idea why she’d start now.

        • Well, except for this tweet from yesterday:

          “@corinnehavens – I will always, due to my work, have to travel to different cities. But my home and my heart is with Jack, wherever he is.”

          I feel like this tweet pretty much sums up two particularly huge chunks of her insanity. Her work? What work? She is delusional. And her home is her boyfriend of like, six months is?? She is sad.

      • Well the part you’re not considering is that Julia is an empty, selfish, self-centered bitch, so this is fine for her.

    • She looks ill and greasy, and the hands, I kant.

      Also, bets on her having scarfed a couple of those mini cupcakes on the table? “They’re so small, they won’t upset my ceiling cats at all!”

    • It’s still mind boggling to me that she thinks those horseteeth look good. If she’s going for “Condoleeze Rice beautiful” then mission accomplished there.

    • So old-looking here. I wonder if she looks back at pictures from the 2006-2008 time period and realizes how much more natural she looked… and then weeps?

    • [img]http://i55.tinypic.com/v3mulw.jpg[/img]

      Uhm, really you guys? None of you noticed the billion subliminal messages and symbols in that photo? The best you can come up with is maybe she violated some underwear law? Sigh. I’ve used advanced MS Paint technology to reveal the hidden Da Vinci code messages Donk laid like a wet fart all over this image. If the framing of the womb isn’t obvious enough, the devil horns sure are.

  20. Desktop browser? Surely she meant Internet browser? You know, for browsing the Internet? Good work, social media expert. And good work to the papers that pay for her output – glad to see that standards aren’t slipping. No wonder newspapers are still relevant.
    Oh, wait. No.

  21. What the fuck is the point of this article? That a highly publicized event was covered heavily via traditional technology and facebook/twitter? How is that different from any other huge event these days?

    • And Diana’s wedding was also heavily covered by television and newspapers/magazines. People from all over the world got up to watch that wedding, as well as her funeral. We just added facebook/twitter into the mix now. Her BIG STORY is such a non-story. She has no ability to look at anything critically or from any different angle other than head-on and come up with the most obvious observations.

      • Agreed, but IS there even some unique social media angle here which a more intelligent journalist would be able to write about? We now have twitter, facebook, and technology such iPhones and Droids that let us post updates from anywhere. Given the enormity of the event, of course the tweets will multiply as people do what they have become accustomed to do in the past 5+ years: post their reaction on facebook and twitter. Nothing revolutionary about this “phenomenon.” Same with the royals setting up an official website. It’s not that hard. I had an Angelfire website 12 years ago, it’s not that hard.

        I just don’t see what kind of social media angle there is here. Two royals got married and the people of the world tweeted about it…and then they tweeted about Osama…and then they tweeted about who was having what for lunch and ohmygod when is summer coming, so ready for the beach xoxo, and on and on and on until the next huge event. The end. Nothing special.

        • I watched Diana’s wedding and I watched this one. The difference is, you either watched Diana’s on television or you didn’t watch it at all. There was no DVR, no internet, no royal websites. Nowadays, we’ve lost that sense of experiencing something live. That said, even though there was internet a go-go with this wedding, that people nevertheless got their butts out of bed to watch it live on that outdated contraption called a television says something to me – you can internet the shit out of something but there are still certain moments that people (whatever your personal feelings are about the royal wedding) tend to want to experience as it is unfolding.

          As for live tweeting and whatnot…I dunno. Live-blogging to me got boring fast about five years ago and so anyone expecting that they have an audience for their live-barfs today is, in my opinion, just vain.

    • It’s really difficult to deduce the thesis here. I don’t think there is one to be honest. She’s really just a fucking terrible writer. It literally makes me feel ill to read her drivel. I’m talking vomit in the shower people.

  22. She is such a CRAP writer.

    “…like a starving lab rat pressing a lever for bridal heroin”

    Try to think about this one too long, and it will make your brain collapse. She’s trying to combine like 3 different things into something that isn’t a thing.

    • It’s so bad. It’s times like these I honestly feel sorry for her. She tries so hard and fails so miserably, at everything. It’s painful to read/watch.

      • When has she ever really tried hard at anything? Maybe I’m missing something. The only thing I see her putting effort into is spin/legalese/lying.

        • Trying to come up with such a torturous, unfunny, ridiculous metaphor like that must take some real reserves of brain power.

    • Yeah seriously. So the heroin satiates the starvation? Also, why would a lab rat want anything “bridal?” Haha, she makes no sense. What a tremendous moron.

    • If you were a starving lab rat, wouldn’t you want food not herion? You’re mixing your metaphors, dear. Oh dear CunyBunnies, would you please whip up a frantic rat with Juliars head morphed onto it?

    • Bridal heroin? One of the many things that drives me nuts about her is the way she tries so damn hard to say something original, and it always ends up sounding forced, awkward, and asinine.

  23. All the while, I live-tweeted, live-blogged, live-Facebook-status-updated (like this one: “@JuliaAllison: No matter what, Prince Harry ALWAYS looks like he just rolled out of bed after a wild night clubbing with Ke$ha”)

    I didn’t even read/watch that much about the wedding about the wedding and literally (LITERALLY!) everything I read had some form of “Prince Harry looks like he just got out of bed”, “Prince Harry looks hungover”, etc.

    It’s bad enough to quote your own tweet but it’s truly a failure to quote your own unoriginal tweet.

  24. I couldn’t make it past “guzzling.” I’ve only even seen this word used when describing gasoline or semen.

      • Listen to this man, because his name shows that he is an authority on this topic.

    • I don’t know: those substance issue references (guzzling, bridal heroin) are very telling. She’s constantly exhibiting addict behaviors (Whole Foods chocolate bar binges, spreadsheets detailing every sip of alcohol.) Did she not even notice the pathological nature of those metaphors, or does she really think that her social media addiction is not unhealthy?

      • that “sip of alcohol” thing is so strange and telling. Its a sip of WINE, or MARTINI. You know, like, beverages that you drink? with your friends? to enjoy and have fun and relax? SHEESH.

  25. Perhaps you have the wrong haircut if you have to constantly pin and mullet-ize your hair.

    • She’s look so cute with a bob, and it’d make her look her age for once.

  26. How long has this been her Twitter motto or whatever the fuck you call it?

    “Just trying to figure it all out.”

    • It has not been that for very long. I was irritated either yesterday or the day before by the “Professional maker of trouble” or whatever it was.

    • The last one I can remember was “professional trouble maker”. Couldn’t have been more than 2 weeks ago or something. I try not to check often, but maybe someone else can remember exactly when it changed.

    • Not to sound like a total creeper, but I thought she was still a “professional maker of trouble” this morning.

      It’s a slow day doing my desk errands, so I was catching up on the cray.

      • Yes, the “Just trying to figure it all out” is new. Was “Professional Maker of Trouble”.

    • Wow, that’s fucking DEEP.

      Jesus. Why am I still surprised by her lack of even a shred of thoughtfulness or originality, after all these years?

  27. SOMEONE HELP ME

    morethanmary.com is down

    get the needle and stab me uma thurman pulp fiction style

  28. Asking her ‘readers’ about vintage shops (shoppes! to find frocks!) in Chicago, not San Diego? Changing her twitter bio to reflect her inner turmoil?

    Think we’re overdue for an ashram visit or authenticity costume, bunnies. Who’s on popcorn duty?

    • Good catch. Sounds like she has no intention of leaving Chicago any time soon, even though her home (and heart) is in SD? Something ain’t right…

        • Lilly knows Jack much better than Donkey does. Lilly is probably more insightful, too.

          • Lilly has definitely spent more time with Jack than Julie, they may tots get married. You know, because their relationship is a rom com.

            LILLY, HOW CAN WE HELP?

    • The comments: #

      Spiper [Moderator] 1 hour ago
      I thought you were moving to San Diego? There is a great vintage store there called Frock You.
      Flag
      Like Reply Reply
      #

      juliaallison [Moderator] 1 hour ago in reply to Spiper
      Technically, my primary residence will be San Diego, but I have to come back to Chicago for work purposes quite frequently.

      The way she treats writing a column as though it’s a job she needs to have ENDLESS meetings about is so very lulzworthy.

      • My primary residence “will be” San Diego???!!!! Jackie Pancakes is leaving SD in like four months isn’t he?

        C’mon Julie Pancake Fillingson, get your stories straight.

      • I have a lot of writer friends (even, gasp, internationally syndicated columnists) and unless they are covering local news, on tv, or an editor, the Editors don’t care where you write from so long as you write well and on time. Certainly the “Social Studies” column does not require her physical presence for high-level strategy meetings

        Or are those her “other” jobs.

        • I think her meetings are with Dadsers for the purpose of discussing sweetening the Donkey support package.

          • Seriously, “Hi Nutty Granny, I’ve come to pick up my check”.
            Meeting over.

        • Definitely. I had a friend who was covering Hawaii politics (why? who knows!) from a studio in Brooklyn. No one gave a shit, and he certainly wasn’t flying all over the place for “meetings”.

          Hey social media expert: teleconferencing?

      • OMG. This relationshit is so much fun to watch. So much bullshit. Man, she makes moving there to be with him sound SO ROMANTICAL. Just throw in the towel already, Donkey. I’ts okay to be single over 30. No one believes you anyway.

  29. Maybe I’ve been watching too many TV shows based in medieval times, but the top half of that photo looks like she’s been impaled.

  30. Actually, I think she looks pretty here. Sure, fakey fake smile, but I think she looks nice, if Stepford-y.

  31. TV turned to ABC’s Barbara Walters

    So Mom$er & Dad$er DO have a working TV afterall …

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