Real Doll With Loud Voice Braying in Swedish Hot Tub

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False eyelashes, gigantic Carmen Miranda hoop earrings, Minnie Mouse bathing suit, stage makeup and ear-splitting, inattentive braying while sitting in a hot tub in a Swedish fishing village with her mother. All righty then.

Shill away, Donk.

251 COMMENTS

  1. first you mother fuckers. and by that, i mean you people that fuck your mothers!
    hee haw! 1st forever firslkldjflafirstfirst!!!

  2. Wow, she sucks at shilling. I have never seen someone so unenthused about drinking champagne and eating oysters before. She looks like she’s dreading it.

    [IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/nh13x0.jpg[/IMG]

    Come to Sweden! It’s wierd! And a little bit gross.

  3. Reposting over here:

    Two things:

    1) Who is the third person in the hot tub, taking the video? There are three glasses. Was there a tour guide to douchument this? I assume yes, with the troweled on make up.

    2) She really sounds like a pack a day smoker of 20 years. How is her voice so raspy and husky at that age?

    • Oh I thought the champagne server was just pouring a glass for herself. That’s what I would do.

    • OMG your so right its like those disgusting NY girls who smoke Pfunks and drink all night at over priced clubs; the “I AM YOUR OVERLOAD” voice. Ohh gross if her voice is turning into that pile of abuse.

    • “Wait. These don’t even have any freshwater pearls in them. Ugh. WHAT’S THE POINT OF OYSTERS IF THEY DON’T HAVE PEARLS!?!?”

    • Please tell me that’s not bird shit on the grungy life saver tray… gross.

      That entire hot tub experience looks depressing as hell.

        • Eh, a roommate of mine used to refer to hot tubs as “butt soup”. She wasn’t wrong. You never know whose been in there before you. You could be stewing in Donkey juice!

      • Nah, Julie is the only thing that makes it depressing as hell. I gag on oysters, but you could still put me in that hot tub and ply me with champagne and I would be happier than a pig (donkey?) in shit. What’s depressing, as always, is her need to trowel on the makeup and don a Minni Mouse bathing suit and hoop earings so she’ll be “camera ready” for an experience she has no business videotaping. I’m sure Momsers is also THRILLED to be videotaped in a hot tub!

  4. Julia looks really bored and annoyed while she’s “listening” to the champagne lady talk. I think it’s because she isn’t in control of the “mic” so she can’t hog it.

    • She seems fascinated/distracted by something swimming around under the water.

      No chance it’s a piranha is there? Didn’t think so. 🙁

    • You mean the wide open mouth didn’t signal interest to you? Strange, that’s always worked before.

  5. If I was some casual person who didn’t now anything about Le Donk, watching that video would make it a sure thing that I’d never consider a vacation in Sweden. Great shilling, retard.

    (As it is, since I know that Donk got a comped trip to Sweden, I’m totally grossed out and would therefore also never visit Sweden.)

    Who the Hell decided it was a good idea to use this slow-witted, plastic-faced turd to showcase Sweden?

    • That’s why the entire country of Sweden is on my BOYCOTT list.

    • Apparently, some friend of hers works at the PR place that organizes the shill. I hope he or she got fired.

  6. Oh Jules and your underdeveloped palate of a third grader.

    Hot tub, local champagne and oysters? I’ll be there in 5 minutes…

    • local champagne? in sweden? doesn’t it have to come from champagne, france to truly be champagne?

      but fuck yeah, sign me up for some o’ that!

      • Exactement, Cham pagne has to come from the champagne region en France. She’s drinking some cheap shit that they sell by the cash desk in Ikea, no doubt.

        PS: Donqué

      • They actually couldn’t market that “champagne” using that term in France. There’s a law in the French civil code about what you can or can’t call champagne.

  7. You can see the moment she stops listening/caring.
    [img]http://oi52.tinypic.com/73lyjo.jpg[/img]

    Then, when she realises the camera has been on her she’s all TELL ME MORE! *muppet grin at full beam*
    [img]http://oi54.tinypic.com/w6tutw.jpg[/img]

  8. I am probably the only person on here who cares about this, but I just read that Donk’s good friend LevRam has been cast in “The Hunger Games” (which will most likely be hugely successful.)

    Do you think Donkey dies a little inside when she hears things like that?

    • I just finished The Hunger Games today!!! AHHH SO GOOD. Only the first book so far though.

        • guwrl, you need to get yourself into the chat soon so we can gossip like adolescent girls about the casting news! Every day is like (rather disappointing) Christmas! I feel decidedly creepy trying to scope the IMDB, being the only one who has developed breasts around there.

          Harry Potter it isn’t, but I enjoyed none the less.

    • I suspect not. She likes to hitch her wagon to a star. She considers herself Leven’s friend and this makes her friends with someone very successful and famous. Therefore she is successful and famous. If Mary were having big time success then I think she’d melt down.

      • Don’t forget [Redacted] slept with Leven after he dumped Donkey. (Which is super gross because he was almost thirty and she was 16.)
        She may act like they’re besties, but dollars to cupcakes Donkey hates her with the fire of a thousand suns. This news will BURN!

        • This was my thought. I think it was Morrissey who said, “We hate it when our friends become successful.” Well, in Donkey’s case that is doubled because she is so clearly insecure, competitive and also desperate as all get out.

          Throw in the fact that Leven fucked her ex (arguably the only one she has really, really ‘cared’ about in all this time), clearly does’t give a tic-tac shit about her, and yet Donkey must swallow all this to desperately lap at her heels as one of her few remaining successful acquaintances?

          The internal struggle must be agonizing: her desperate jealousy and resentment raging against her pathetic desire to be connected to someone relevant, requiring her to convince herself she is ‘really okay with’ and still great great friends with Mary’s Little Lambin… Jesus. I just got depressed FOR her.

          “That might just be the saddest thing I have ever heard.”

          • Quote fail: “I think that might be the worst thing I’ve ever heard…”

            “How marvelous.”

  9. I hope whoever made the decision for her to be the first “high-profile” blogger to go on this shill-cation gets fired.

  10. What the hell do Champagne and oysters have to do with Sweden? That they’re available on some menus? The woman in the parka is clearly shilling this brand, using some legalese of her own- “You are allowed to mix grapes..” and I guess still call it Champagne. (With the capital C. It’s a very contentious issue, legal battles and French laws etc. about what can be called “champagne”. ) It sounds like a cheap blended-grape brand that.. I have no idea if it’s Swedish. Is that possible? Maybe?

    Whatever- you can get champagne and oysters almost anywhere. It’s not particularly Swedish, or Scandinavian. She should have been filmed in a warm pub eating herring, with vodkas and such. Not off-brand champagne. It’s faintly pathetic- champagne and oysters are symbols of romance, and there she is sitting in a hot tub with Momsers, under grey skies, being served stuff she could get anywhere by people in parkas. Not very Swedish. Sort of sad and pointless to watch. Really un-fun.

    • Exactly. Needs moar Swedish Men in Pthalo Blue banana hammocks.

      [img]http://www.internationaljock.com/v3/prd_go-softwear-mens-bikini.xlg?partno=4150&view=tall[/img]

      • Wow I thoguht that was more Prussian Blue than Phthalocyanine Blue so I looked it up and you are right, I never saw Phthalo Blue that light before. I used to live and die by Phtahlo Blue and Green and Alizrian Crimson back in art school.

    • [C]hampagne and oysters are symbols of romance, and there she is sitting in a hot tub with Momsers…

      It’s entirely possible that when the tourism board put this junket together, they were assuming they’d get a twofer — Julia Allison and her reflected-glory boyfriend. Hence the wine and oysters in the hot tub by the sea. Momsers probably got rose petals on her duvet.

  11. If I were the lady with the champagne bottle, I would have smashed it over Donks head like I was christening a ship.

    Maybe I don’t know enough about Sweden, but are oysters and champagne anything unique to that country? I kinda doubt it. This video tells me nothing interesting about what’s available to tourists or why I should visit. Again, she gets a great opportunity dropped in her lap and she totally half-asses it. Well done, Julsie. Well done.

  12. GUYS, I started watching the video, and as soon as julia started making noise, my dog woke up from a sound sleep, jumped down off the couch, and started barking at the laptop. I very rarely watch any of her videos, so I’m pretty sure that’s the first time he’s been in the room when her voice has screeched forth from my speakers.

    perhaps this is why langdon went running down the hallway past donkey’s guest room yesterday? her voice must have some part that’s on the wavelength that only dogs can hear (and can’t stand).

      • I’m so proud that catpeople are my first contributors.

        The fact that us jealous, angry, fat losers can step up for such a noble (and athletic!) cause brings a tear to my eye.

    • Brianna,
      From the bottom of my heart,
      I truly appreciate your efforts.

      (My MS Dx = four years ago)

      RIDE SAFE! 🙂

      • Thank you! Since signing up I have heard from SO MANY friends who have sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, parents with MS – it really hit home how many people this effects.

        If you want to send me a signed bandanna/donkey figurine/cat hair covered balakava, I’ll display/carry it for the 150! Just let me know and I’ll Fw you address info.

    • And to update, RBD readers are responsible for 25% of the total goal amount!

      I’m going to try to figure out a way to incorporate a donkey into my cycling gear in honor of everyone here. =)

  13. Why are they eating and drinking in a hot tub? Why are they in a hot tub at all, they’re gross? Who’s filming this? Why is she wearing so much makeup? Why is her mouth hanging open like a carp during the WHOLE CLIP?

    So, many questions…

    • explanation: hot tubs invented by Sweden..Julia is effing stupid, learn about the country you visit effing shillbeast!

  14. Weird for them to focus on Julia’s mom for so much of the video. Isn’t Julia the one on the right with the glasses on?

    • Julia was strutting around a Swedish fishing village with a live herring under her arm.

      Olle approached and asked, “Where did you find that donkey?”

      “It happens to be a fish,” brayed Julia.

      “Shut up, donkey! I am talking to the fish.”

  15. The whole thing just looks so gross and depressing to me… eating oysters while sitting in a janky looking hotub? Ew. Drinking local “Champagne” from a cheesy floating tray… with your mom? Gag. Your picturesque view is… a depressing gray sky over the Baltic Sea? Snooze. This doesn’t make me want to visit Sweden AT ALL.

    • As far as her opporunities go, this one screams “bottom of the barrel” to me. and how depressing that she dragged her mom along for this? Not only would I never dream of forcing my mom to sit in a filthy looking hot tub, but I would be ashamed for her to see how lame my “job” is.

      • It looks like the bottom of the barrel because she’s doing it. I swear, if I were sent to Sweden, given a car to drive, and given free champagne and oysters (umm, not so much the hot tub) I’d be tearing up the opportunity. I’d find things there so odd and local and gorgeous — and not because of the shill but because, I don’t know, it’s what makes life worth living? — my entire web presence would center around the trip for AT LEAST the time I was there. If I had a web presence beyond RBD, obvs. No huckster, the Handbag.

        • Agreed. Maybe it’s because I roll with a crowd that can entertain ourselves wherever we go, but I can guarantee any of my friends and I would make the most of that trip and have an absolute blast no matter what was thrown at us. Hot tub is kind of sketch and champagne is sort of cheesy? WHATEVER, it’s FREE and we’re together someplace we’ve never been.

          Then again, obviously the operative word here is “friends,” and Julie has none, no matter where she goes. Sad!

    • Panning out to the leaden sky over a grey, lifeless landscape made me howl. Wow! Breathtaking!

      I am sure Sweden is beautiful during certain times of the year, but at the end of winter when everything is just grey and bleak, not so much. Hilarious that she’s sitting there in a hot tub with her mouth agape acting like she’s in the south of France.

      • I’m curious how the princess and the pea got from the building to the hot tub in a bikini – wrapped head to toe in silver angel floss?

      • I can tell you France is beautiful right now. While the people in Sweden are beautiful all the time, when Donks went to visit, not the best time…

      • Panning out to the leaden sky over a grey, lifeless landscape made me howl.

        Ha, Bergmanesque despair, fatalism, ennui. And a donkey in a hot tub. A surrealistic touch he might have appreciated.

  16. You can see where she gets it from. Anyone else notice Robin clapping and braying when Julia sucks down that champagne (fizz and all). She seriously looked and sounded just like Julia will in like…3 years.

    • Here goes nothing with the screenshots.

      Here’s Donkey giving the Champagne Lady her ingénue face:
      [img]http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/6223/donkeyx.png[/img]

      Here’s Donkey with her mouth hanging open for no reason at all:
      [img]http://img830.imageshack.us/img830/1892/donkey2.png[/img]
      You know, I’ve always wondered when she posts those photos of herself with her mouth hanging open if she makes noise when she does that or if she just sits there with her mouth open in silent horror. Turns out, it’s the latter.

      And, finally, here she is laughing when Champagne Lady said “aftertaste”:
      [img]http://img580.imageshack.us/img580/441/donkey3.png[/img]
      It’s not the kind of aftertaste your Daddy told you about, Pumpkin.

      • Ooops, they came out huge (that’s what she said!). I apologize to everyone who got a screenful of Donkey.

  17. And here we go. From the comments of one of her posts (http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/4936783854#comment-192437332):

    “Well … He’s not really in a position to have a lot of “fun” right now, unfortunately … His training program just kicked into high gear, and he really can’t do much more than work and sleep. So … That’s not as much a focus for us right now (although I wish it were!!)”

    Let it explode.

    • “PS. It really IS very different than any relationship I’ve had in the last four or so years. Which is the part that makes me the most nervous … it doesn’t help that we’re from two very, very different worlds. Sometimes when I’m with him, I feel like I’m studying abroad! The whole thing is much scarier than what I remember from previous serious relationships, but then again, I was really young, and the stakes feel MUCH higher right now. I am putting a ton more pressure on myself to make this relationship work.”

      You know what really helps with relationship pressure? Talking about it on the internet instead of in private to a therapist.

      • the ONLY reason she’s “scared” is the McCains have a family name and money and therefore she feels they are better than she is (although she secretly finds this “new and strange” world of military and politics beneath her).

        & she knows this is probably her best and last shot

        so sad

      • I was really young, and the stakes feel MUCH higher right now. I am putting a ton more pressure on myself to make this relationship work. = OMG I AM EXPIRED AND NEED TO GET MARRIED NOOOOOOOWWWWW!

        Could she be anymore embarrassingly, desperately and pathetically transparent?

        • “I was very young”…
          correct me if I’m wrong, but from all I’ve read here wasn’t her last relationship within the last 12 months?

          shhh… Hear that? That’s the sound of desperation.

      • [I]t doesn’t help that…

        Precisely the language you want to use describing a new(-ish) relationship. IT DOESN’T HELP THAT…

      • “I was really young, and the stakes feel MUCH higher right now. I am putting a ton more pressure on myself to make this relationship work.”
        Ummmm….RED FLAG!!
        Then again, Pancakes begging her to come home from Sweden is also a huge red flag.

      • The stakes feel higher?

        Things I would apply that phrase to:

        Closing a major financial deal.
        Diagnosing an illness that may be fatal if not caught quickly.
        Organizing a rescue mission.
        Going on a job interview the last month you qualify for unemployment.
        Going to marriage counseling as a last ditch effort to save a long standing relationship that involves children.

        Things I would not apply that phrase to:

        Dating some guy.
        Cleaning my house.
        Finding the perfect toy for my kitty.
        Dating.
        Buying alcohol.
        Short term romantic entanglements.

        I mean, saying that the ‘stakes feel higher’ pretty much lay it out that she’s a golddigger who feels she’s past her expiration date, right?

        • “I mean, saying that the ‘stakes feel higher’ pretty much lay it out that she’s a golddigger who feels she’s past her expiration date, right?”

          YES! This thought entered my mind almost immediately.

          She has transparency problems in that she lies constantly but is as clear as a piece of cellophane.

      • Why are the stakes MUCH higher this time? They’ve only been together for a few months and he’s super young and moving far away.

        Does she mean the cash stakes or her expiration date?

      • You know what’s awesome for relationships? Pressure. Applying a lot of pressure and anxiety to a relationship always works out really well.

      • “I was very young” = As young as Pancakes is now???

        Math is hard!

    • So all he does is work all day and sleep and all she is doing is nothing in Chicago yet she thought it appropriate to leave her dog with him. Poor Lilly.

      Also, he couldn’t stand to be without her when she was in Sweden but he seems to be doing just fine right now.

    • “Yeah, it’s really hard for us to have/do fun right now, what with his very strenuous job and me being very strained by accommodating for his strenuous job and being strained by his strain. It’s very hard being a military wife, you know! Lots of straining going on. Hopefully in the future, bunny, I will be less strained by all the straining we are doing!”

      Seriously, is it so fucking hard for one person to admit that they live a life of fucking luxury and just accept it? She would be so much likable if she didn’t pretend she was so-very-very-busy all the time with her crazy schedule of ‘pilot every ten weeks,’ ‘flaked-on charity engagement,’ ‘unshilled shills’ and ‘freelance couch crashing gigs!’

      Just admit you are a useless fucking layabout and some of us might hate you about half as much.

    • maybe it’s just me, but shouldn’t they say “thank you for having us” or something to that effect after the woman welcomes them? am i too nitpicky about this kind of stuff?

      • No, you’re not too nitpicky; you’re just polite, which is something Donkey will never be accused of.

          • The same Mom$ers who posed for a pic in church with the Easter Whore donkey a couple of years ago?

          • One catlady who used to comment at RBNS and is probably still around went to Donkey’s 2010 birthday party and met Momsers. The commenter (I think it was Pilot) said that Momsers was REALLY flaky and was braying on and on about how wonderful Julia is. Personally, I think the whole damn family is a bit nuts.

      • I actually thought it was more rude when Donkey and Donkey’sMom laughed and exchanged smirky glances when Champagne Lady told them how to say Cheers in Swedish.
        “Foreign people! They’re so silly with their funny sounding made up words! Amiright?!”

        • Pretty sure that Robin keeps the blinders on and laps up the Jool-ade, because she seems to be genuinely SO.PROUD.

          Can’t help but notice that Momser’s hair is scraped back from the forehead into a donkey tail EXACTLY like Julia’s is (except Momser’s tail looks docked) . TWINSIES, y’all!

          I like to think that people confuse them for sisters ALL *snap* THE *snap* TIME.

  18. You people I can’t get over this video. It’s too fucking funny.

    The “scenic shot” of the Baltic? It looked like a fucking gray wasteland punctuated with a dirty fishing village. Meanwhile Donkey and her Mama are soaking in an, as already hilariously described, “janky” above ground wooden tub, eating food off a life preserver? Is this the set for fucking “Cabin Boy?”

    And of course Julia’s “Amazzzzzing” response to a sip of champagne, LIKE EVERY OTHER ELEMENT OF HER LIFE ON EVERY LEVEL, was a forced, fake, cringe-inducing mess.

    I can see why Bravo’s focus groups found Julia so unlikable they bagged her pilot. The woman is just IMPOSSIBLE.

    • Reminds me of the time she was at the ashram and took a picture of a lake proclaiming it was “beautiful” or suchlike. I’m sure in the summer when it was fully green it looked beautiful. In the fall when it was just grey dead trees it looked like a shot from the Blair Witch Project.

  19. This video is just crammed with things that we have come to rely on from Donkey for lulz. I especially like the excellent “bitch please” rendered by (not unattractive) Swedish dude at around 1:12.

  20. I am confused by her latest tweet:

    Hear that, Trump, etc? Now hush!! RT @BreakingNews: Obama: ‘We do not have time for this kind of silliness. We’ve got better stuff to do.’
    1 hour ago

    • It is weird. Isn’t she always trying to be Ivanka’s BFF? Plus, she’s a Republican — at least until her next boyfriend is a liberal.

        • Well, predicting that an individual will get a party nomination and wanting that person to be president are two different things. Not that she doesn’t speak with forked tongue frequently.

      • Julia is obsessed with ivanka because she had the hots for Jared kushner. In her mind, ivanka took what was supposed to be hers and therefore tries to embed herself in ivanka’s orbit like a true psychopath. It’s her m.o.

    • Did she really say “now hush?”

      Who talks like this?
      Who writes like this?
      Who even thinks like this?

      It’s so bizarre and schoolmarmish.

  21. i love how she doesn’t know how to hold a champagne glass correctly, even though Mom is doing it right right in front of her.

    Or maybe the sausage snappers won’t hold it that way.

  22. ok you catladies, I have to say thank you. I’m sitting in a NYC hospital rite now nervously waiting for my kitten to get out of surgery & y’all made me laugh while waiting.

    • echoing the sentiments of everyone above, hope your kitten and family are all ok.

    • Oh no! My dog was in the hospital last week, and I practically had to be horse tranquilized. So good on you for actually laughing and not being a freak. Hope all is well with the kit-teh.

    • Much love and many thoughts sent your way from my basement! Hope everything is okay with your kitten!

    • Thanks you crazy catpeeps!! He’s home, he’s fine although the poor thing had a ginormous barf-bag the whole way home.
      But seriously, I couldn’t load the hot-tub video on my phone but I was able to load the barking seal one and I damn near DIED right there in this waiting room. I mean, I had to actually pretend like I was rubbing my eyes w/ worry because EVERYONE there is waiting for someone having something done and it’s always so tense w/ a lot of people just as worried as I about their kitties or puppies or old birds or whatever. But the seals. The freakin’ barking seals along w/ the comments and my frustration not being able to view the hot tub video yet reading all these hysterical comments… It is something I will truly value forever. Also??? I will tots try to make sure to check in during stressful situations like that. Maybe I’m just twisted, but the juxtaposition of the worry of a real-life ‘thing’, w/ what goes on here is just what the doctor ordered. (well… a drink and an opiate would make it super awesome, but still.)
      Youse all be doin’ the Lord’s work!!!

      • The cat-husband meme is so entrenched in RBNS that I figured you were talking about an actual baby, DLM. Best wishes for kitty’s recuperation!

          • The “kittens or puppies or old birds” line is what threw me back into thinking oh, maybe it WAS a vet’s office. But then, cats don’t usually barf into bags… I don’t know. I just want all cat ladies’ loved ones to be well, whether they are furry or not.

          • As an update because you guys are so caring for some class-A haterzzzzzz, he’s home from school, he’s stoned on tylenol w/ codeine and blowing bubbles right now. All is right in his little world.

          • LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! Yes, kitten = child. We DO throw that meme around so much here it can get confusing. And yes, I suppose the barf-bag would be a give-away I was referring to the human kitty. (although personally?? I just spew my hair-balls wherever the hell I please!!)

          • I freakin’ DIE AssBaughers. At first I didn’t know what you meant and then I remembered!! LOL

  23. Really, the more I watch these videos, the funnier they get. They look like they are in an Inuit fishing village during the seal hunt season. The way she suddenly gets animated when she realizes the camera is on her. The weird open-mouthed Muppet smile. The way she and Momsers do a shit-ton of fake sighing and giggling and braying at strange moments. It just gets funnier and funnier.

    It’s like Lisa Loopner and her mother in an old SNL skit. Where’s Todd?

    • That’s why the seal barking video New Year posted above made me laugh like a damn fool. I was completely expecting it to be another bit of the JABA sizzle reel, and instead it was THE REAL THING. My dogs were both horrified and very curious.

    • Oh Litha..what is that beweetching thent you’re wearing? “Oh Todd, thaths justh vikth vapah wubb”!

  24. As @Subsidized Donk Den posted this comment on her blog: (http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/4936783854#comment-192437332):

    “Well … He’s not really in a position to have a lot of “fun” right now, unfortunately … His training program just kicked into high gear, and he really can’t do much more than work and sleep. So … That’s not as much a focus for us right now (although I wish it were!!)”

    Anyone else watch the Lifetime Original Movie™ about Wills n’ Kate? This was the same stuff she was telling her friends when Wills was off training with the Royal Air Force and they were asking “KATE, WHEN is he going to put a ring on it?!” And look how it ended, in a Super Princess Wedding!

    p.s. he’s just not that into you

    • I almost peed my pants right there.

      Motherfucking Donkerina is copycatting the Royal Wedding in her mind.

      • Tots. Wills drives a ‘copter, so does Jack.

        That said i think Wills and Kate are genuinely into one another — regardless of my other opinions of the whole dog and pony show (not interested, not a fan, don’t care, don’t think having a ring put on it is all that, etc).

    • OT, but remember when Wills was totally the cutest boy IN THE WORLD?!?! Yeah, he’s … not really that anymore. Poor Wills. We all thought he would grow up hot. Instead he grew up to be prematurely balding. Hopefully, his billions and billions of dollars will comfort him.

      • I always thought Harry was way hotter, even when they were kids. Maybe it’s because he’s my age, but I’d like to think it’s because he’s always had that mischievous grin.

        • I wonder how Harry got the normal teeth while Wills got the XXL size choppers? Inbreeding: you never know what you’re going to get!

      • I think that cute boy is the boy Kate is still fucking now… In her mind of course. Sorry to be crass, but there it is.

      • amen. I always thought wills was a hottie, and I had my secret dream of one day marrying him. and then he started losing his hair waaaaaaaay prematurely and suddenly his teeth looked too big for his mouth. I think he looks like his father now.

        but I have to admit, the 10 year old inside me who thought she would one day meet and marry the prince is a tiny bit sad about him getting married tomorrow. it’s irrational and silly, and I would never admit to that in a non-anonymous forum, but it’s there.

  25. cringing -CRINGING – at Dadsers dancing in Donkey’s latest video, from the Bulls game yesterday.

      • I thought she had “moved in” with Pancakes. What is she still doing in Chicago, when Lilly is stuck in the old-age retirement community with someone who only sleeps and works. She doesn’t seem to be doing anything other than posting the usual cheesy shit to her blog. Why isn’t she with her live-in love of her life??!?

        • My guess is that she needs to continue spending significant amounts of time away from her new “home” because otherwise it becomes too obvious that she does fuck all with both her time and her life.
          Also, if the dog dumping is to continue, why not do the right thing and let Lilly live with her brother/friend Langdon in Chicago? At least there she has company and a stable environment. Unless the dog is such a housewetting mess that the parents refuse to take her, of course.

        • She needed some of that long-distance longing to resurface! Forcing yourself to be in love with someone so bland is tiresome, bunnies!

        • It’s so weird. She’s spent like what, a total of 20 days in his company in the last 5 months? Because according to her, they started texting end of November. We are talking a 5 month relationshit, and she’s seen the dude, like 5 times so far.

          Something is wrong with Simple Jack and Crazy Julie. That is all.

          • Now that’s a spreadsheet I’d like to see her publish: “Hours with Pancakes”. OT but I was just on a Tribeca Film Fest “vacation” and if the French movie “Point Blank” comes anywhere near you, see it.

          • “Simple Jack and Crazy Julie” – I do right there believe we have the title for our TV show and follow on film.

          • SJCJ does almost sound like SATC. Jack can be [redacted] 3.0 to Julie’s Carrie 2.0

        • She probably hates that Jack “trained” (ie expects) her to sleep, eat and function like a normal person. Notice she’s been up posting at all hours of the night again. She’s probably camping out in Chicago until at least the royal wedding is over. Can’t let Jack see her as the crazy loon that pulls all nighters and stays up drooling and crying in front of the TV on a 24 hour princess wedding binge.

          She’s probably bored out of her gourd in San Diego too. He apparently does nothing but work and sleep (I can smell your bitterness from here, Julie!) and since she has no interest in actually discovering the city or doing anything interesting, she probably sits at home and scarves contraband cookies all day.

    • The city of Chicago is pleased to host Ms. Danielle Staub.

      [img]http://i.imgur.com/XdUgQ.png[/img]

      • So. Busted. And SO Danielle Staub.

        Though I still prefer it to Ina Garten as Annette Funicello (sp??) in a bikini…

        There is something just so tragic about the Sweden Try and Fail.

      • You know how we’ve got one commenter here who brags about her symmetrical nostrils? She’s got one on Julia!

        Seriously, Julia should not draw attention to her mutilated nose by pointing at it.

      • Heh — I remember many months ago pointing out where Donkey was seemingly fauxto-shopping (into oblivion) her *snort* ‘best-side’ nostril opening. Now I see why.

        What was she doing here … going in for a pick?

        • She’s pointing at herself while telling us she wore red to the game. With Asha out of the picture, someone has to pick up pointing duties in these parts.

  26. If I didn’t have such low expectations of her, and if I didn’t already know what this was, I’d think she was some idiot study abroad student who took a 15 euro Ryanair flight to Sweden for the weekend on a whim and wanted to make a video for her friends/fam while playing pretend broadcaster.

    Seriously. All you did in Sweden is sit in a hot tub with your mom and some bad cameraman? You can’t at least make the conversation interesting? Where’s the Volvo?! I hope numerous nasty emails were exchanged after this.

    The giveaway of a total non-professional is starting every video with, “SO…. we’re here at….”. Cringe.

    • I know! Scintillating reportage.
      “So, come and look inside, and see here it is, it seats only about 8 people, well … one two three four … yes about eight people. Only in Sweden people!”
      (Paraphrasing but wtf?)

      • Jesus, it’s like she’s channelling Ina Garten there. She is doing something weird with her voice and mannerisms that reminds me of the Barefoot Contessa.

        • TOTALLY!! It’s a dead ringer for Ina — minus a few pounds.

          Question: How is she to be shilling in Sweden in winter?

          Answer: Not very!

      • I don’t see that oyster bar so much as “quaint” as simple and rustic and comfortable. Quaint is kind of a condescending term, I always think, so of course a typical adjective for Donkey use.

  27. Info on oysters and Sweden (I believe the oyster bar/hot tub location in the video is mentioned specifically):
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/travel/holiday_type/food_and_travel/article2004753.ece

    Julia did not look very excited to actually eat an oyster. In two of these videos, taping stopped at the point she’d naturally pick one up to eat.

    Is she jet-lagged? What is going on with her voice? There’s a new “quaintest oyster bar” video up and she sounds more slurry and confused than ever.

  28. She clearly HATED Sweden. That’s why all she talked about was the food. Such an open-minded world traveler, our Julie.

    • Food is all the talks about no matter where she goes. I can’t think of one city where she’s mentioned sites, cities, cultural activities. Anything really.

  29. can’t we all just get into our Hot Tub Donk Machine and be wisked away back to the life and times of jacob(jake) lodwick?

  30. This broad posts a new round of drivel and the Sourth gets ripped apart by twisters.

    But fortunately Twitter, according to news reports, was more helpful than EMS warnings in alerting the populaces.

    But Constantly Using a Narcisstic Tone only writes about “J.C.” and her high school friends.

    Peter ButtBaugher: Spankings. You did it wrong. For decades.

  31. Of course the spoiled little rich cunt is chilling with Dadsers, Esq. in their skybox. What an entitled mess of a woman.

    But the “how to shuck an oyster” video is hilarious, because she clearly hates oysters but has to pretend. Because she’s a terrible actress, not subtle in any way and stupid, it’s plain she’s about ready to puke in the janky above ground hot tub.

    And then of course the obligatory “Amaaaaazing” at…what, a guy shucking an oyster?

    It’s. All. So. Fucking. Fake. Every. Little. Thing. WHO IS SHE?!?!

    • Also these dumbass videos have like 150 views each, and I assume 90% came from us and the other 20% came from her.

    • I like the chorus of “oohhh”s and “wow”s from Donkey and Donkey’sMom. Like watching someone shuck an oyster well and truly blew their minds.

          • Her mom looks like Dianne Weist. Donkey just looks unhinged.

            Kudos to whoever pointed out she’s holding the champagne glass wrong. Momsers clearly didn’t teach her any class. Or any manners. Or how not to be a selfish, entitled brat.

            Jack, you have all this and more just waiting for you to put a ring on it! Skoll!

          • No wonder she rarely drinks — Donkey hooves can’t finesse the delicate stem of a champagne glass.

            Mom$er’s Diane Weist resemblance is dead-on.

    • I’m happy to know I brought “janky” back into use for a day! I mean really … is there any other way to describe it? It reminds me of Will Ferrel and Rachel Dratch in that old SNL skit.

  32. So basically she went to a part of the world where the people are known for natural beauty and just slathered it on like she’s a cast member at the Disney Channel.

    Ok then! That makes sense.

  33. OT:
    Hoping no RBD basement dwellers were in the path of last night’s twisters.
    News reports of the devastation just makes my heart hurt for those folks.

  34. Welcome to the world of internet shilling, Julia’s mom! Although the production values were as crappy as any home movie, you were actually appearing in a COMMERCIAL, for which you were compensated.

    Don’t forget to declare that “free” trip on your income taxes, dear, and enjoy your new life as an internet yoctoceleb. Let the snarking begin! (j/k… sorta)

    [img]http://i53.tinypic.com/nowto0.jpg[/img]

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