All this sighing and fretting about her great love and her terrible, dreadful fears regarding Pancakes McCain! Where are the smelling salts, Miss Scarlett?
Let’s look back at some other melodramatic spewings about every other other tool who’s been stupid enough to date her over the past two years. Two years, people! And each time, she’d found her one and only!
On Harvard Harley in the spring/summer of 2009:
Can you procrastinate your destiny? Hmm.
Um … @MaryRambin? July 18th may have come a little early this year. (!!!!!)
And here’s some Triple A melodrama, apparently about BootyCall, whom she was making clear she was banging via her Twitter, apparently to make HH jealous but then she developed “feelings” for him. We heard, by the way, that this was an old hookup who was engaged at the time of their reacquaintance, though haven’t been able to confirm that. If so, engagements and weddings are sacred, people! Unless the groom-to-be is someone Donkey has set her sights on!
Behold this cheese, from August ’09:
Even with a new beginning, it’s still hard to accept an end.
The funny thing about falling in love … It always seems to happen when you least expect it. And with the last person you’d imagine.
I just don’t understand why God has to treat my life like a particularly cheesy soap opera. I’m tired. Can we cut to a commercial please?
And then there was this little exchange in the very same month with Billow, her BFF whom we rarely ever hear about anymore, about yet another guy, Codename TK to be exact. Does the melodramatic language sound familiar??
Me: [Finishes long story about new boy I just started seeing in LA. I like him so much I can’t think straight, and am more or less not acting rationally.]
Rachel: Hmm. It *is* a bit fast.
Me: Yeah, we’ve both lost our minds over this.
Me: But, you know, in my defense, at least I’m self-aware! So I give myself credit for that.
Rachel: Well, that may very well be the only credit you get!
Hahaha! So funny! And cheesy!
Which brings us, painfully, to the post-breakup Prom King period. You know, the guy she said she didn’t love until he dumped her, and then she loved him so very very much, and had a complete breakdown and could barely stand to carry on without him. Oh God, do I have to? This was a year ago, by the way. That’s right, 12 months. OK, here goes:
But I’m also proud to report I have taken down all framed photos/stuck to fridge photos of Prom King, which I considered removing last week, but, because I am clearly out to torture myself, did not. Julia – 1, Masochistic Tendencies = 0!
Despite my joking, it was not a joyful occasion, and I would be lying if I were to tell you I’m not wearing a necklace he gave me. And I would be lying further if I told you that I had taken it off at all in the week since we broke up.
But. That’s neither here nor there. One sad little step at a time, right?
Lady, get some help. You think you’ve found THE ONE every fucking time you date someone. All you want is attention and to be fawned over and coddled by a bunch of Internet strangers for some reason that has never made any sense to me. Only a therapist will help you figure out why you are so mental about all men, not just Pancakes McCain, and why you think it’s appropriate to air your insanity to the Internet. In the meantime, shut the fuck up.