Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself

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Thank you, Lemon, whoever you are, for this:

Taking the rare moment to reblog Julia Allison because I just could not let this post go. While I think the sentiment behind this post is lovely, I cannot put into words how the source enrages me.

Music means different things to different people. Like poetry, art, literature, and many other creative endeavors, it’s up to interpretation. But to use her interpretation, which I do appreciate, I cannot for the life of me see how this sentiment applies to someone like Julia Allison. To act like your “difference” is akin to being born gay, or transsexual, or transgendered is insulting to an entire community.

Julia, you may feel attacked and hated often and I’m sure that’s not easy and I’m not going to argue with that, but you were not born this way, you were made. Your parents did not bring you into this world to post pictures of yourself in poofy dresses at transcontinental birthday parties, to screengrab text conversations, to go to parties in condom dresses, to tweet intimate family details to 20,000+ strangers, to tell the world about your problems, to post videos of your brother’s wedding vows online, to blog pictures of complete strangers because they talk too loud for your liking, to email your ex’s fiance and claim he cheated on her, the list goes on and on…

And while all of the above and so much more is what you choose to do, you must see the difference between people reacting to the things you choose to post online, in a public forum, as a publicly identified person, and people reacting to someone’s sexual orientation.

To imply that your trials are the same as someone being persecuted for A LIFE THEY DID NOT CHOOSE is ignorant, offensive, and downright infuriating.

196 COMMENTS

  1. That is beautiful. Unlike the photo of Julia’s fillings above — that is scary as fuck! Her head looks like something I’d expect to see in a basket after the guillotine finished its job.

  2. Sweet baby Jesus.

    Thanks to Liz Lemon for putting this together so eloquently. I’m impressed since all I could manage was a string of curse words.

    You know, I was picked on in middle school and the first two years of high school (before the male population decided I was ‘hot’). What I went through WAS nothing compared to the stories of bullying in the news today. Yeah, it was unpleasant but nothing nearly as bad as getting crucified by classmates over who I loved. Donks has no business latching herself to such a horrible situation. She needs to shut her disgusting hee haw mouth and step the fuck off.

    I WILL NEVER THE DONKEY!!!!

  3. There was late-March thundersnow in New York tonight and as I looked to the sky, I knew something epic and special was coming my way this evening. This exceeded all expectations!

    • It was wild wasn’t it? To see snow, sleet, lightning and hear thunder.
      I was waitin’ fer Jesus to appear.

  4. Not to mention using a cute little dog as a prop. Somehow that’s the thing I hate the most about her.

    I can’t imagine her having kids, because I fear she would treat them like an accessory as well.

    ::sadface::

    • At least it’s extremely improbable that her children could be worse people than she is.

  5. I follow lemon’s blog and she seems like a cool, nice girl. She is now the 2nd real life cat lady that i am aware of (the first of whom i met at a fancy shmancy going away dinner here in NY- AR, if you are reading- big kisses!)! I was so happy to see that in the venn diagram depicting real life people i enjoy, and cat ladies that i fantasize about from ma ol’catlair, there is indeed a relevant intersecting oval-like area (likely more spherical, but that’s just semantics) with some bomb ass people.

    heeeee hawwww

    • but i bet your venn diagram is no where near as sophisticated and informative as the one julie presented during her SWSW speech.

      • I couldn’t stand more than the first minute or two of the video… let me guess, did her Venn diagram not have any overlapping parts? What was wrong with it?

        • From what I could see it was obviously thrown together in MS Paint. All the circles were different sizes, etc. My memory could be wrong but there is no way I’m watching that video again.

      • I often strive for Donqwez’s brilliance but constantly fall short! Could it be biology? I heard the female mind starts deteriorating at 12 and 1/2

  6. Julia would have had a stronger argument if she talked about being different because of being born with such gross feet.

  7. idk if MegaTits is having some fun but I laughed when I read this.
    McCainBlogette Meghan McCain
    @Massawyrm what the hell is “operation midnight pancakes” and why am I not involved?!?

    Looks like MT has also picked up the I’m a rich white girl and I am oppressed flag
    McCainBlogette Meghan McCain
    BB King. bubble bath. bed -and please everyone stop emailing me about Game Change casting news it’s my life and family they’re defaming here
    2 hours ago

    Doesn’t like to talk about her butt cleanses.
    McCainBlogette Meghan McCain
    all time most emasculating thing to talk to a woman about: “detox cleanses”. And sir I eat like a rack of red meat a week. #LivinginLAmonth4
    11 hours ago

    • “Game Change” is going to be awesome. I can’t wait. The whole creepy John Edwards saga, the attempts by the Clintons to knock Obama out of the race, adn of course the incomparably stupid McCain/Palin ticket.

      • Not to mention hopefully to incorporate some of that great Vanity Fair article about Palin that pratically read like fiction because it was so out there.

    • I don’t think Megghan McCain understands what emasculating means.

      • I thought the same thing, can women be emasculated? One definition is :2. To deprive of strength or vigor; weaken. However, I’ve always thought of it as

        Emasculation is the removal of the genitalia (castration) of a male, notably the penis and/or the testicles. By extension, the word has also come to mean to render a male less of a man, or to make a male feel less of a man by humiliation. This metaphorical usage of the word is much more commonly than the application of its literal meaning.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emasculation

        Maybe that’s how Julia and MegaTits met, at a Tranny Social.

  8. I love this site but I really feel fed up with this bitch. She is succccccccccccch a waste of time. I feel sad for how sad she is. I can’t believe she would compare herself to what gay teenagers, etc go through. How is she so tone deaf??? How is it possible???

    I CANNOT THE DONKEY.

    • i hate to have to give you a history lesson, but it’s well documented that white, college-educated women are the most persecuted and discriminated groups of people in the world.

      i can’t believe you would be so politically incorrect and insensitive.

      • I am sorry. I am a bully and I pick on the little people for no reason. Well, actually it’s to make myself feel better about my sad life. Also it is hard to get news in my basement, plus hard to use my fat cheeto fingers to change the remote from FoodTV to FoxNews (important news channel!). Plus one of my 17 cats will just step on the remote and change it to Animal Planet. So sorry!!!!

        PS. I’M FAT & JEALOUS.

      • Well, I am in that group and let me tell you, we are VERY oppressed. I am so glad Julie is speaking out for all us. Finally, someone taking on the haters and fighting for the rights of all college-educated white girls everywhere!

    • Hilarious! I especially love the reference to matching Very Bradley luggage, which Julia just bought a new set of AT AGE 30.

      I said it before … no bullied girl later decides to put herself through sorority rush. Julia – you’re full of BS.

      • I’m going to disagree about bullied girls avoiding rush. I was a scrawny nerd from age 9-15 and got a lot of teasing/bullying as a result, mostly from other girls. My self esteem wasn’t great but by 16 I’d found a supportive group of dorky band/drama/debate kids for friends. Going to college, I wanted a fresh start and figured I had a shot at being one of the pretty popular girls. The first two days of rush were stunningly awful but I stuck it out because one house I loved loved me back but I was woefully unprepared for the overt superficial judgment rush entails. I don’t know if I’m alone but I saw rush as an opportunity for a fresh start, being unaware of how brutal it is.

        • I’ll add however that my teasing, while hurtful, was nowhere near what GLBT kids go through. I’m sure Julia THINKS she was bullied seriously because teasing sucks but she fails to see the difference between her past, this blog, and the nastiness confronted by gay teens.

      • At my school (New England, large hipster population), the Greek scene was a joke, so the only girls rushing sororities were either trying to overcompensate for high school or just incredibly stupid.

        I doubt this is the case at IU or wherever Julia pledged, though.

      • I went to college in the south and sororities are exactly what you can imagine huge southern state school sororities to be. Maybe my view of sororities is skewed (I didn’t rush) but I doubt Julia would have lasted a day. Maybe they’re a bit more low key in the midwest. Or maybe her sorority experience was a big reason why she left Indiana. Of course, we’d never know since she completely glosses over that year of her life, which is incredibly weird in itself.

        • I went to an SEC school where rush is a nightmare. Then again, while 3/4 of the houses are just what you’d expect, the other quarter had a big mix of girls. I’d say in my case and probably Julia’s there was a GREAT deal of overcompensating and overprioritizing external validators of status. We wanted to “prove” the bullies had been wrong.

          Luckily I got an ice cold “wake the f up” from friends five years ago to stop being an NPD case with an awful desire to be “cool.” I read this blog largely because I view Julia as a cautionary tale. I wish Julia’s friends would help her reprioritize her life.

        • She’d never make it in a southern sorority.

          The core of Julia’s pathology is that in her heart, she knows she’s just the fat, loud awkward girl who isn’t that bright and is just aggressively….average.

          That’s why she tries to live this fake, fabulous life and constantly maintain this facade of tiny, cute, tech and SO NICE, etc…

          Watch her face contort when someone on that panel at SXSW she tackily invaded asked her about high school. It’s so clear that Julia’s head is such a tangled mess of pain and trauma and fantasy and jealousy, that maybe this whole Pancakes thing makes sense? His mom (CINDY McCAIN) is a pill popping basket case…

          Maybe its all Julie Albertson could ever hope to aspire to…to be the heavily medicated wife of a wealthy military man. Too bad she already looks like Robin Baugher’s (slightly) younger sister, so by the time she’s Cindy’s age….ooof.

          P.S. I WILL NEVER THE DONKEY

  9. The author gets two thumbs up for this post. It’s so true – the donkey is taking this bully platform to the extreme. She is not a bully, nor born this way – she is a self-made asshole.

    PS – I can’t believe she is still with pancakes…. would’ve thought that would be over by now and the epic craycray would begin.

    • My 10 yr old called me an asshole this morning.
      I’m going to call him a bully when he comes home.
      I may even make a sign to hang on his bedroom door!

      • You should and also refer to yourself as “asshole” in the third person for a day..it’ll drive him bananas, trust.

      • So not funny and yet so very funny at the same time!

        I remember when my little sister, who was four (!) years old at the time, said, ‘Hi, you SOB,’ to my dad. She just learned the phrase, and didn’t think he’d be able to break the ‘secret code.’ He turned six shades of purple and managed to choke out, ‘Do you know what that means??!!’ She knew she was in deep trouble, but she was a quick thinker, and she replied, ‘It means I love you…?”

        She still got sent to bed without dessert.

        • When I was a kid, maybe around 7, I somehow learned the phrase “blow me.” I really had no idea what it meant but I started throwing it around left and right, like making my stuffed animals say “blow me!” to my dad. That didn’t go over so well.

          • I was around 8-9 when I took to standing in the middle of the street, yelling “EAT ME!!!” if my sister & her friends wouldn’t let me tag along.

            p.s.
            It’s not just the internet that never forgets; to this day, they still torment me w/ reminders of this.

          • When I was 8, I saw some graffiti on a supermarket wall. Big letters.
            At dinner that night, with my mother, father, and two sisters, I asked my father what “Blow Me” meant. I remember my father choking on his food and my mother’s eyes as big as saucers, fork halfway to her mouth.
            All he said was I would find out some day.

        • i distinctly remember when i was kid hearing the line in the Beethoven movie, said by the bad guy, “What the hell are you tryin’ to pull?!” Not too soon after, my dad and I were having a tickle fight and in between giggling I spit out that line. He went apeshit. I remember being so PISSED that such a fun game had to end because he got so mad. NO SWEARING IN THIS HOUSE.

  10. In other news, did any of you see Meghan Asha on GMA this morning? She was a “model” during a Kate Middleton fashion segment, and would not. stop. grinning. like. a. crazy. person. It was a little cringe-y, to say the least.

  11. This is indeed very smart and well said. And if JA is going to use that as an argument, well then, WHY CAN’T WE? (Or, really, why can’t everyone?) Because if JA’s going to say to us, “Who are you to say what someone else should be?” why can’t we say it right back to her? Who is SHE to tell US what we should be? If she was born THAT way, well then WE were born THIS way. (And, really, to use her faulty logic, everyone basically has a pass at any kind of despicable behavior because they can just excuse it away by saying, “But, I was born this way!” So, you know, go to an Apple store, grab a new iPad2 and try and leave and, if someone tries to stop you, just say “I was born this way!”) You know, never mind the whole concept of freewill, personal choice when it comes to behavior, manners, morals, etc. That’s just boring-talk, bunnies. Now, where’s my tutu?!

    • When she says dumb shit like this, I always hear George Costanza’s voice: You know, we’re living in a SOCIETY!

  12. I don’t get this column thing. I don’t see a new one up, so does that mean that papers who subscribed to Social Studies have to fill in with something else?

    • interesting question–maybe they’re running her older columns as filler? bc she posted 3 columns before any started to run. so maybe they just fill in with those

  13. RikLan Rick Laney
    “Gurus” and “experts” who TALK social media could learn from @juliaallison who DOES social media rather than talk it. http://ow.ly/4ld4u

    This PR rep acts like its such an achievement, “to do” social media. Hey buddy, my 8 year old little cousin does social media too, he also still likes to finger paint with his own shit. Oooooohhhh amazeballs i just tweeted about prom dresses, I’m so revolutionary.

    • seriously, while I agree that there are too many people self-titling themselves as “experts” and “gurus” out there, I would like to see ONE example of true social networking that Julia Allison has done that has benefitted anything! She doesn’t get any comments on her blog other than “Julia, I don’t want this to come out the wrong way but didn’t you just contradict yourself…” or “Julia, you rawk! xoxo” BS. She doesn’t whip up PR for brands or products (it’s about send Meeeeeee Free Stuff!). She doesn’t invite conversation on anything interesting or substantive.

      Seriously, ass kisser much, Rick Laney? She’s not going to introduce you to the McCain family.

      • I found it really funny that Rick Laney is some old guy from the Smokey Mountain area of Tennessee… doing PR for local concerns like the new water park they have in Pigeon Forge, TN. Apparently he used to be a journalist, which is what bugs me more–he was a journalist but he’s unable to tell that Donk is nothing but a freeloading POS, not a real journalist? I feel bad for the guy.

        So random. And so clueless.

      • “She’s not going to introduce you to the McCain family.”

        This, FTW. Also, he’s an experienced print journalist, what do you suppose he’ll think of her columns? Too funny!

    • this raises an interesting question. who are these social media gurus who can’t use social media? can anyone name even one social media “guru” who doesn’t have a twitter and fb account? i’m not sure what point rick laney trying to make? as you mention, a 10 yr old could handle a twitter account better than julia allison

  14. So I was thinking about what that Coates guy tweeted yesterday, about how we probably provide the majority of the Donkey’s pageviews and hence the motivation for people paying her. Popped over to Alexa and found this:

    Rebloggingdonk.com

    Global 162,488
    Alexa Traffic Rank

    United States Flag 19,367
    Traffic Rank in US

    Nonsociety.com
    Global 98,918
    Alexa Traffic Rank

    United States Flag 19,165
    Traffic Rank in US

    So while she is definitely beating us among the Uzbeki and Afghani demographics, its a virtual tie with U.S. readers. Which is really sad for Julia because for all her PR, marketing gurus, columns, videos, FB, tweets, and shitshow seminars is learning annex B this little site is as popular as hers. Now you take out the people who go to nonsociety for people not Julia and I would argue that we are in fact #winning.

    My proposal, try to stay away from her columns/website, let people post the relevant info here, go to tmsfeatures.com or use googles cache function. I can’t wait for this sites readership to surpass Foolias.

    • Oh man…I just looked at the demographics. It’s awesome. Both nonsociety and RBD have the same demographics: “Based on internet averages, nonsociety.com is visited more frequently by females who are in the age range 25-34, have no children, and are college educated.” BUT non-society adds a fun little tidbit:

      Based on internet averages, nonsociety.com is visited more frequently by females who are in the age range 25-34, have no children, are college educated and browse this site from work.

      So its nonsociety readers that need to have their bosses contacted, not us!

      • Wrong! It’s just a few mean bullies– bad apples– ruining the fun for legions of fans and admirers! That’s why you’ll notice that Julia’s site gets hundreds of comments and the hater site just gets an occasional few. Oh, wait.

        • Rebloggingdonk is Julia’s site and Nonsociety is the hater site, correct?

    • My proposal, try to stay away from her columns/website, let people post the relevant info here, go to tmsfeatures.com or use googles cache function. I can’t wait for this sites readership to surpass Foolias.

      SECONDED, loud & clear!

      What if we used the rest of March to get the word out & made all of April a no-fly zone over the donkey stall? No page hits, no comments, no attn paid (other than by the mods for the purpose of posting / parsing) whatsoever?

      Granted, Donkey will likely ramp up the crazy by several decibels …

      • i don’t go to her site more than once or twice a month (usually to see which other NS bloggers have bailed in the past month). this is why i like to see the good stuff posted or at least excerpted over here.

        her content is crap, so i don’t want her getting credited with page views. yet, it’s such a trainwreck, i can’t help but gawk when I see it here

  15. I got us a new page viewer – here is a chat between my co-worker and I.

    CatLady: do you know who Julia Allison is?
    New CatLady: does she work at gawker?
    New CatLady: or their other site, jezebel?
    CatLady: NO. lol but she is a douche who was always featured on Gawker for being a douche
    CatLady: she is a well hated quasi media journalist(writes total garbage)/freeloading spoiled pink lady
    New CatLady: I saw her at their gawker christmas party
    CatLady: more like a spoiled moron who thinks she is special
    New CatLady: she dressed in a ridiculous outfit and brought her dog
    CatLady: HAHAHA YES!!
    CatLady: well my favorite reblogging site is rebloggingdonk
    New CatLady: she was obnoxious. she took over the whole party
    CatLady: they call her out 24/7
    CatLady: on her donkiness
    New CatLady: hahaha really?
    CatLady: IT IS BRILLIANT
    New CatLady: you think she’s really that annoying or she just gets attention that way and does it on purpose?
    CatLady: no she is a really annoying asshole.

    • i’ve always wanted to do this, but never have a good way to bring it up. i’ve only converted one person–my fiance-cat

    • My sister, a fellow catlady, converted me when we were on a backpacking trip, stuck in our tent during a thunderstorm with nothing else to do. I learned basically everything about the Donk that evening and couldn’t wait to take a look at the cray on her website once I got back. That was during one of her breaks from the internet, but I Let It Unfold, and now I’m an angry hat0r with a basement of cats.

      • your sister clearly loves you. i want to ask my brothers who went to annapolis with senor yack if they know what he was like there and maybe tell them about the blog, but there isn’t a good way to bring it up casually, so i have never shared RBDonk with family 🙁

    • I was converted by my girlfriend-cat.

  16. HA! Mare Mare Beach Hair comes to a realization about what a fail her (and Julia’s) ‘aspirational lifestyle’ is.

    #PR people don’t realize u can’t pay rent w/free product. They would never do their job in exchange for makeup, shampoo, or an appliance!

      • I just popped over to Jordan’s site because I’d forgotten all about it. She’s put up some advice to new bloggers posts and it includes a bunch of don’ts that Julia routinely violates, like respecting others’ privacy (don’t post photos, snippets of conversations, or others’ stories without their permission) and her own privacy (don’t post whereabouts, airline ticket information). Common sense, basically. I got a chuckle out of it.

        • 1. don’t post your address online and then leave your door unlocked… repeatedly! tee hee!

          • Love how half of her pricey “must have” spring beauty items just happen to be freebies. Oh Jordan, you really haven’t changed at all, have you?

          • hey shamoolia, FEEL FREE TO RELAX. once you’re married, you don’t have to change or do anything but LET YOURSELF GO, mmkay?

          • The rooftop fashion posts always crack me up. I appreciate her style most of the time, but when the photos eventually reveal her footwear, I die. Awful, awful taste in shoes, that girl.

        • she learned about not posting her own whereabouts last spring. and she learned the hard way. (bye bye to her tiara)

      • I’m always surprised that there are people willing to work with Mary on her blog… for free. Those little blurbs she writes before their posts are so undermine-y, I could never deal. It’s really not hard to set up your own blog + twitter + traditional webpage (or about.me page, etc) — why would you latch onto someone so polarizing?

    • shit, i’d do someone’s legal work for an appliance. MMBH has never purchased an appliance, so she probably doesn’t realize that a good washer/dryer set or fridge costs about $1000 (and that’s the low end for a mid-range brand like GE, Whirlpool, Maytag, etc). If someone gave me a set of Subzero/Viking appliances for my kitchen, i’d give them a week’s worth of legal work.

    • Indeed, this is why “jobs” tend to work better than the whole “making yourself into a personal brand” thing unless you can actually do something people find interesting. (Or are a self-marketing genius like Paris Hilton!)

  17. from her comments: Kim Forrest: “Loving the train tracks! However I am very up in the air over ‘short’ wedding dresses .. having just got married myself I feel very partial to the dress needing to be traditonal and long (and dramatic). Although I do have a bad case of post-wedding-traumatic-stress-disorder….seriously images of a wedding cake dropping to the ground haunt my dreams.

    juliaallison 2 hours ago in reply to Kim Forrest
    agreed on this one.

    WHY ARE THEY BULLYING RICH WHITE GIRLS WHO LIKE SHORT WEDDING DRESSES? #rude

    • I also like how she made that bitchy aside in her post about Via looking for a photographer: “Via is pretty anti-cheesy … she doesn’t want the “dress hanging in the window” shot or the “shoes with the ring nearby” shot. Or … well, a lot of stuff that many brides want.”

      So pretty much the exact kind of shots your brother and sister in law got for their wedding? (Which were lovely btw and I only knew about them because Julia posted them all over her blog) And didn’t Julia stage her own cheesy shoes/program/bouquet shot with her gross fake Manolos on the table?

  18. “If I could get my boyfriend to wear seeksucker, I would be elated haha. Getting him into khakis was a struggle. Slowly getting him some more mature (Gap, Banana, Jcrew) clothes. Baby steps!”

    Is Donkey seriously giving advice RE: ‘mature’ dressing?
    [img]http://www.blogcdn.com/www.shelterpop.com/media/2010/10/juliaallison_590x390.jpg[/img]

    • I think that was the commenter. Her reply “Yeah, Jack is NOT a fan of preppy clothing. Something to do with Annapolis issuing him boat shoes and ribbon belts or something – I guess it scarred him for life!”

      So forcing him to wear seersucker Easter suits and pastel trousers is going to work out SO well for you! She is the embodiment of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

      • The white uniform they are required to wear everyday to class does indeed have ribbon-ish belt. But it’s not really preppy. It’s a plain navy blue thing with a silver or gold buckle (I forget which). They definitely do not wear boat shoes to class. However, during Plebe Summer there is a course in basic boatsmanship which involves sail boats on the South River. It’s really not a big deal. The 2 week cruise on YP’s that happens the summer right after Plebe Year is definitely a bigger deal, but I don’t think they wear boat shoes on YP’s either. Outside of class, USNA is really lax about people being allowed to wear civvies on weekends and out on town. Jack is such a tool.

        TL;DR version: anyone who complains about the plain navy blue belt or the boat shoes that are almost never worn is a massive tool.

        • * 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife
          * rain on your wedding day
          * AFF an authority on who is and is not “a massive tool”

    • (psst. unfortunately that comment was not from the donks, it was from a visitor to her blergh. julia’s response: “Yeah, Jack is NOT a fan of preppy clothing. Something to do with Annapolis issuing him boat shoes and ribbon belts or something – I guess it scarred him for life!”)

      also, that photo:
      [img]http://i.imgur.com/HPvQI.jpg[/img]

  19. OT but I watched the movie Catfish last night and I really, really hope this Julia Allison character is some kind of very, very long con because sometimes it makes me horrified that she could be real.

  20. I just discovered natalie dee, so I’m just gonna leave this here…

    [img]http://www.nataliedee.com/092710/the-entire-world-needs-to-hear-me-bitch-about-nothing-important.jpg[/img]

    • I love this.

      Countdown to Julie stealing it from RBD + posting it on her blergh. But of course, she will act as if she *found it* randomly, on the internet, all by herself. And she’ll say something lame like, ‘this is hysterical!!’

  21. “Crying baby? Check! Middle seat? Check! Three hour delay? Check! Just another day flying the friendly skies. 🙂 #AirTravel”

    Julia Allison: Bully

    • Unnecessary Non-Service, Yippy Lap Dog? Check. Refusal to stow personal electronics after repeated demands? Check. Heavy Sighing and Exasperated Breathing When Told Flight Will Be Delayed Even Though They Are Not Doing Anything Important Upon Touchdown? Check. Presses the Call Attendant Button At Least Once Per Flight? Check.

      Just another day on Air Donkey.

      STFU Bitch. Ride a Greyhound once and then maybe you’ll have some perspective.

    • Also? Oops, late for her flight? Check. Only made the flight because of the delay? Check. Bitching about the delay anyway? Check.

      STFU Donkey. If you can’t deal with it, stay home.

    • God, that sounds like a nightmarish experience. Does anyone know where I can donate funds to help alleviate poor Miss Allison’s suffering? I was going to send money to the tsunami survivors in Japan, but they don’t seem to mind waiting in line for rice and water. The squeaky wheel and all that, right?

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