The Column Donks Would’ve Written Were It Not For Those God Damn Word Maximums!

From the ever-so-awesome and eloquent Records Custodian:

Dear Readers –

I realize that my last column could easily give you the impression that I have faced scathing criticism through no fault of my own. That was irresponsible, and gave the impression that I was some sort of blameless victim enduring a disproportional reaction to the frivolous, fun-spirited minutia I have published on my personal corner of the web. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I have over a dozen social media accounts, upon which I have uploaded thousands of pictures and videos of myself. I spend upwards of 20 hours a day online, monitoring, updating, and cultivating an audience in the hopes that I can parlay my self-absorption into a well-paying career. I have targeted friends in the right industries to help me in this endeavor, including the sister of the founder of Facebook. I have donned a cheerleader uniform, posed in my underwear with old men and dressed in a condom costume, just to get a mention on Gawker.

I knew I needed to hitch myself to the right men to keep the attention flowing, and I targeted guys the way I targeted friends. You would probably recognize the names of my exes if you read Gawker – I didn’t so much date as I cross-branded! Hell, I even had one ex sign a contract, promising to blog about us! Unfortunately, nary a one of my exes wants anything to do with me anymore, as I am one of those girls who kisses and tells. And tells and tells and tells.

As you can imagine, this kind of relentless self-promotion garnered me more than a few critical comments. But it wasn’t until I did some really heinous and cruel things that I became the object of internet scorn. Remember that guy I made sign the relationship-blogging contract? Well, a month after we broke up, he went off to Mexico with some arty chick and I was livid. I announced not once, not twice, but three times (the last time, on Gawker) that he had a mental illness for which he refused to take medication. This was shortly after he was ousted from the company he founded, and even though I thought he was pretty far below my standards and kind of a nerd, people really reacted negatively to my little disclosure.

To make matters worse, a few months later, I sent an email to him, trying to guilt him into buying me a Macbook Air, and some asshole hater got wind of it and published it. So now everyone who cared about the social lives of a bunch of navel-gazing twenty-somethings in NYC knew I was flippant about revealing such private information about him and not in the least bit apologetic. I became a social pariah. Hell, like I told ABC (all publicity is good publicity), even my own mother stopped talking to me for a while.

You would think this would cause me to do some heavy soul-searching, but you don’t really understand my obsession with attention. I launched a new blog and called it a business, leaked to anyone PR rep who would listen that I would soon be starring in a show on Bravo, did more kissing and telling, dressed up in more costumes, and eventually, made my way to the cover of Wired Magazine. The subject of the story? Being famous for being a nobody. It was the high point of my career.

But every high point has its inevitable downfall. Eventually, I had a falling out with my “business” partners, the Bravo show never happened, and all of the “friends” I carefully cultivated stopped wanting to be associated with me. I never actually acknowledged any of my personal failures or my heinous acts towards others and just kept up with the manic social media posting about my so-called fabulous life. I also did what every lonely single girl does – I blogged, stalked and harassed my exes and their new loves, trying everything in my power to get the last word and maybe show them what they were missing. In the name of closure, of course.

When the meager opportunities dried up in NYC (although I am still a big hit in cabs in Manhattan), I told some weird story about moving to Chicago to write a column. It is a syndicated column – hell, you’re reading it in one of the four newspapers that picked it up – so where I live is sort of immaterial, but it was important to me that no one think I was leaving NYC with my tail tucked between my legs. Without the permission of my new employer, Tribune Media Services, I arranged a fauxtoshoot (as my detractors call them) to announce my new column and arrival in Chicago. Reinvention would be mine.

And then, I struck gold. Through one of my strategic friendships, this one with Meghan McCain, daughter of John McCain, the guy who wanted Sarah Palin to be second in command, I met Jack McCain. Sure, he’s in the Navy, which isn’t very photo-friendly, and he’s young and moving overseas for his career, but he is the son of a bona fide, bold face name. It was exactly what I was looking for – a shot of adrenaline for my dwindling relevancy and internet fame. I am currently mining this relationship for every ounce of publicity it can get me, although I must admit, I am getting far less attention for it than I was hoping for. I am, however, optimistic that when it ends, I will have a trove of McCain dirty secrets to spill, so I have that in the vault.

I am telling you readers this not to brag, but to give you some context. We all make mistakes. I am not perfect. But I don’t deserve to be criticized for my mistakes or otherwise held accountable for my behavior. If you only knew me in real life, you would love me and find me irresistible and charming. And the stories I could tell you about my so-called victims – man, I have some dirt I could share. But what I do deserve is the ability to make a great living by just being Julia Allison, and I simply will not abide a bunch of losers talking shit about me on the internet. If you don’t like me, don’t follow me and don’t read anything I have to say. But you don’t have any right to have an opinion about me and you sure as shit don’t have any right to express that opinion. Unless you want to say something nice. In which case, my email is Please know that I reserve the right to edit and publish your email whenever it works for me.

The Julia who would never have the stones to write this

Remarkable and so On-Julia’s-Third-Nose! One tiny edit, if I may: Oh, she has stones, all right. They’re hanging in that sack that’s underneath her wiener.


  1. On another note: Job opportunity, Julia!

    A new social experiment is underway and will take place on a brand new television program focused on bullying, cliques and cyber bullying. Producers of the show are conducting a nationwide search for the person who will host the new show. Experts on the subject of bullying including reformed mean girls, victims of cyber bullying, siblings of victims and bullies (skinheads, gang members, tough kids) who have turned their life around are encouraged to apply. The show will position the new host in situations where they can effect change by intervening with bullies, haters and troublemakers in a variety of environments.

    The nationwide search for the expert who will host the show is underway from March 16th through March 25th. Interested candidates should email us for more information. If you are a bully or have a story to tell about being bullied, we want to hear from you. This could be your chance to have your own show and change the world, one bully at a time.

  2. And for today’s Who Does Julia Look Like:

  3. Brava, Records Custodian!

    Oh, and Donkey wore that same dress all fucking day and night on Saturday. Yes, four days ago, through the Texas warmth and SXSW waddling around. Maxi dresses don’t get stinky crotches like the Juicy sweats she likes to queef in for days on end, bunnies!

  4. I’m seriously uncomfortable with the fact that she’s being photographed at places I frequent VERY often.

    • It’s but a small taste of what we New Yorkers had to deal with—though, in truth, most residents of the city aren’t found at Houston’s. She’ll be gone from your city soon and then she’s Chicago’s problem again.

      • I’ll never forget the day I ran into Julia on the street in my neighborhood (Gramercy). She was yelling into her cell phone while stomping toward me in the moon boots and magenta track suit. My back was to her but dog heard her first and started running to get away from her, I shit you not. (He’s half chihuahua and he does NOT enjoy braying humans).

        She was yelling into her cell phone about “I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE HER. WHAT A BITCH. I THOUGHT WE WERE SISTERS.” Or some shit like that. I’d never been to RNBS before but I’d heard about it so that incident inspired me to find it and post what I’d encountered. What I witnessed ended up being a tip, because Mary left a couple days later. This was the day she was at the Kips Bay Loews watching all the best picture nominees. So I wanna say Feb 2009? Yeah. Anyway. It was 11 am on a Saturday. The make-up was spackled on and the pelts were in full effect. At 11 am on a Saturday.

        PS DONKEY.

        • Oh, and she curses like a sailor at full volume in public. That was as jarring as the make-up.

          I’d run into her at industry events from time to time but it wasn’t as scary as encountering her ten feet from my apartment. I was hungover and peeing the dog so I could get back into bed with my catfriend. I remember coming back inside and being like ZOMG THIS GIRL NEEDS TO GTFO MY BLOCK. He didn’t get it, but without all this background on her who would?

    • At least she doesn’t waddle around pretending to be representative of your city, as she did here in New York.

      I still cringe at how many hicks and foreigners think that she epitomizes New York women. No wonder the rest of the country loathes NY, and the rest of the world hates the US.

  5. Also I’m going to be a total cunty bully, because YAY AMERICA! And say she surely didn’t lose a dress size in her forearms. Vertical stripes are really not your friend either, honey.

    • Fuck, I meant upper arms. Meaty. Also her hair needs to be washed, and why does she look like that now, why? She looks like a wax figure.

      • Plastic pelts will look like that without constant, professional care.

    • Um yeah. I gave up bodysnarking on donkeys for Lent, but I was going to say the exact same thing. That dress looks like a circus tent and her arms look like haggis. I mean, good for Jack for gently suggesting that she do that toning up program with him – if I was her boyfriend I wouldn’t want to look at that flab either. Do you think she even realizes the thinly veiled body comments the McCains are already slinging her way? Cindy – go running!!!! Jack – Hey Julia! Let’s do this TRX workout together! It will be fun! Promise! (cough cough)

      • There goes your Lenten resolution! Cue Preacher Jim & Reader Becky up in here, gloating on RBD leading you into temptation …

    • Well when you lose 10 pounds in 10 days by “hacking the body” (aka throwing up a lot) you don’t exactly lose the weight evenly or tone.

      God she’s a lumpy, middle aged woman.

      • Honestly just her fucking suggestion that internets police should patrol internet commentary has me wanting to say shitty shit just because I can. Fuck her. DOn’t post 7000 pictures of yourself if you don’t want to be critiqued.

  6. A bit OT, but I thought republicans wanted limited government? Where would the cyberpolice be located… in the Depatment of Homeland Security? And how would we pay for the Cyber police? A tax on internet transactions? And who would determine what is bullying? Sorry this sounds like China to me. Not at all a Libertarian or Republican idea.

      • Deep breath….. yes you are right ….I was over thinking and clearly this is above my pay grade. My Bad

        • Feel free to begin relaxing, and after that relax some more. Said relaxation should result in you wanting to compliment Jules and live quietly under her rule, Bob. Sheesh!

    • but seriously. how WILL we pay for these cyber police? Maybe by syphoning off funds from a more worthy but less prominent department?? Take it from the public school teachers. That’ll should work. Or close a firehouse or two. It’s worth it! THE BULLYING OF EARLY-MIDDLE-AGED LADIES MUST STOP!! (don’t be offended; solidarity cat is happily early middle aged at 32) I hope this provision goes to the top of the list! It’s not like the world is falling apart or anything…

      • If all of Julie’s sponsors suddenly said, “Okay Jules, we’re not going to pay you, instead we’re going to put your sponsorship money towards an Internet Polizia”, what do you think she’d say?

        She suddenly be all “Fuck all the girls, nevermind the bullies, I need my shoe money.”

        • So what would the punishment be if you were caught cyber bullying?
          1) A dose of radiation from your laptop screen
          2) Automatic $ deduction from your paypal account
          3) Being forced to watch lip dubs until you pled guilty

          • 1) Hand-wash Julia’s underwear.
            2) Hand-wash Julia’s pelts in Perrier.
            3) Pick up Lily’s poop.
            4) Heat up canned vegetable chilli on demand.

            Be a bit like being an intern really.

      • well, clearly, the funds for the cyber police will come from cutting funds for PBS and Planned Parenthood. but what about ALL THE GIRLS?! um, err, oops!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. so, um… what the froque? donkey LITERALLY got a brand new iphone case yesterday (or something) from zazzle at SXSW, and now she’s salivating over (and demanding) a new lilly pulitzer case.
    she is so gross.

  8. Upon re-reading last weeks column about Galliano: Her point, if you can sift one out amidst the piles of pelts and misinformed, elementary logic, is that you should be careful what you say online because you can get a negative reaction. But this week, it’s I can say whatever the fuck I want and if you have a negative reaction, then Imagunnacall the cyberpolice on you! So which one is it? She can’t even be consistent from column to column.

    • no, you got it. Other people have to be careful about what they say online. Julia, however, can do whatever she wants and nobody can be mean to her.

  9. P.S, – I apologize for the length of this column. My editor and I are not currently speaking, as we have a dispute about ownership of her rape story. She doesn’t seem to remember that I was inside.

    And my dad is busy taking remedial constitutional law classes. It cuts into the time he should be focused on me, but his asshole law partners said it is the only way to keep him on the firm’s insurance policy.

    • People keep saying they dispute Julia’s rape story and I’ve read the reasons why. Personally, I think thats a little over the top, what if it is true? Even if there is a 1% chance, I would end up feeling like a monster. I don’t think P. Baugher is stupid either, take a look at his bio, the cases he won, and his peer reviews.

      • 1) I don’t think anyone thinks Mr. B is stupid. But he’s going overboard to protect his daughter by using his legal status on the C&D letters/calls to peoples’ places of employment when he had no proof that those were the correct people (and was on quite shaky legal ground anyway)
        2) Even if Julia was date raped, and I hope for her sake she’s lying about it (how twisted is that?), she never filed charges, never made this her cause, never brought it up before except to throw down the gauntlet, and instead of using her own experience to build empathy for a very real issue, she used her mother’s traumatic experience to build sympathy FOR HERSELF.

        • Lawyers fire off C/D letters all day, every day, its like chewing gum for them. If I am not mistaken, he never called anyone’s place of work but sent the C/D to their place of work.

          His primary error may of been relying on Julia to provide the addressees but I don’t think he needs lessons in remedial constitutional law. Lawyers often throw alot of claims at a person and sees what sticks (he never made claims of defamation or libel but copyright infringement, tortious interference, and misappropriation of a public image).

          Like I said, I’ve read the reasons why but wouldn’t make those comment because if I was wrong, I’d personally feel like a monster.

        • Back then, she claimed it was a date-rape — means she knew her attacker. Now, she’s certainly no shrinking violet & she’s always had access to legal representation, so why would this be an pursued, no-charges-pressed sitch, especially coming from a family who’s already experience this very thing & gone public in order to help other women?

          Now. Fast-forward to present day, where she has recently stated in an interview that she’d hired a private investigator to track down people who say mean things online. Not just for her, for ALL THE GIRLS.

          Until such time Potato Knees convinces me that there’s good reason to let a rapist off the hook while meanies just ruin her hair day, I’m going to be on the side willing to outright call her a liar.

          • I was all flustered, cuz this is one instance where her lying really stamps my ticket – meant to say: * while pursuing the meanies who just ruin her hair day *

  10. This is the first result that pops up when you do a google search for ‘julia allison cyber bullying’:

    “Julia Allison is having a panel on cyberbullying? Why?!? So she can be real-life-bullied too?

    6h057 said: You know they’re just going to rub peanut butter in her mouth and do a voice over like they did with Mr Ed.”


  11. Donkey is getting crazier and crazier. The distance between her and reality has increased appreciably in 2011 alone.

  12. It’s amusing to watch Julia try to pretend to be a celebrity while pretending not to be a celebrity at the same time. This quantum superposition of fame and no fame could yield some interesting eigenfunctions. (But maff is hard for ALL THE GIRLS.)

  13. I wish Julia’s syndicate functioned like a peer-reviewed journal so Record Custodian’s piece could be published as a rebuttal to Julia’s column.

    Then again, if Julia’s column were peer reviewed, correcting all Julia’s mistakes would make some of her peers–11 year old girls–more busy than any 11 year old should be.

    • ALL THE GIRLS should not have jobs peer reviewing donkeys; they should be out having fun without fear of being bullied or picked on.

  14. She really has gone off the deep end with this internet bullying crap. I can only imagine her conversations with Cindy McCain about how all these jealous h8ters are out there spewing lies about her on the internets, trying to explain away all of these “rumors”. YOU GUYS ARE SO GONNA GET SUED!!

  15. Can someone please explain the origin of ALL THE GIRLS? I missed that this week, and prefer to crowdsource rather than read back on old posts. It gives me the guffaws, despite not knowing what the hell you’re all talking about.

    Thank you,
    Julia’s Old Nose

    • It came from this tweet, and then I think I got carried away.

      @jonathangilliam – thank you so much. I want to protect your girls – all girls. It’s not right. 6:38 PM
      Mar 15th via Echofon in reply to jonathangilliam

      Julia Allison, protecting girls since 2011.

        • Thank you for the ‘clean all the things!’ explanation. Things are so much funnier when I know the context.

      • Fuck you, Julia. I don’t need some neverhasbeen wannabe fame whore who got some dubious attention on the internet for sticking her tits out in a slutty condom costume to protect my little girl. If anything, I am making damn sure I protect her from people like you and everything you represent, you tacky piece of shit.

        • Bam!! This!!!
          My daughter will not grow up thinking her tits, ass, botoxed face, or a man is all she is. It works in my favor to have a real-life example of what NOT to do/be available. I can show her real examples of all different types of people being successful and how they present themselves and JA is an ongoing show of how not to present oneself. By the time my daughter is old enough to be exposed to this and actually see the good and bad in the world, JA will be about 40 – 45. She will no doubt be long gone but the INTERNET NEVAR FORGETS!!!
          Regret. I wonder if Jules will have any.

          • By the time my daughter is old enough to be exposed to this and actually see the good and bad in the world, JA will be about 40 – 45.

            Donkey is going to clomp back in time to that age range??????????

          • This. If I have a daughter, or even a son, they’ll be growing up in an even more connected time than this… and the last thing I’d want is them thinking that internet fame-whoring or altering their appearance is a way to get through life. Hopefully they’ll take advantage of the opportunities Julia fucked up (access and admission to good schools, for example).

        • My niece is 20 and watches this shit show thanks to me. Now so do all her college room-mates. It thrills me that they are all completely appalled by her. They cannot believe a woman like her exists. The pink, the obsession with landing a rich husband, the injections, the pointless fauxto shoots — they think she’s like a throwback from another fucked-up era that even pre-dates their mothers. My niece asked me: “How did she miss the entire feminist movement?” Good question.

          • It appalls me that Julia is trying to tie this bullying thing to some kind of gender/mean girls issue re: hurling insults at her physical appearance. In her comments, she actually says: “The kind of bullying I have experienced is frequently gendered, and that concerns me far more than them saying things about how crappy a writer they feel I am. That kind of rhetoric is harmful to all women, not just white, upper middle class women. If I can help at all – I know it will be worth something.”

            Fuck you, you sexist expired asshole.

          • I also let my son and daughter in on this site so they know why mommy laughs. They get it, the lip dubs explained all.

          • Ass Baughers, you are breeding the next generation of bullies! Do you really want that on your conscience?! Don’t be surprised when the Cyber Police come to take your parenting credentials away.

  16. This photo, yikes. You can tell she thinks she’s so cool getting interviewed but looks like a middle aged tranny. Botox really ruins a face, eh..

    • She’s doing it wrong. I know people with Botox who look completely normal. One is middle aged and just adopted and felt she looked kind of tired and old. I thought she looked refreshed all the sudden and wouldn’t have known it was Botox if she hadn’t told me. Julia likely has no need for Botox or fillers (being that she’s only thirty) and gets way too much. Whoever is doing this to her is doing a terrible job.

      • I think it’s less botox and more her complete lack of sleep or regular sleeping schedule. I don’t think she gets injections anymore, probably because she can’t afford them and isn’t getting them for free/discount anymore from Dr. Bobby Buka.

        Her horrible sleep patterns are wreaking havoc on her looks. Period. She looks ill. Not sleeping is eating away at her and aging her at an astonishingly rapid rate.

    • I had the same initial reaction. Very pretty and natural looking. Of course, being next to someone whose head is made of juviderm/restylane/botox/chin implant/pelts probably gives her an unfair advantage.

      (Of course if I ‘d been the first to post this people would’ve said that I only ever say nice things about tiny/cute women.)

  17. Dear Records Custodian,

    May I call you RC? All of us in PR using TLA where T is “Two”. LOL, as you kids say. You definitely need representation. You write good. Have you ever been bullied? Would you like to be? My agency can handle that for you. We can make you so popular people will line up to tweeter (is that how you say it?) nasty things at you. I have at least one A-List client (okay F-List then) whom you know and it’s working great for her. LOL, as you kids say. DM me. Whatever that means. I don’t know. LOL.


    • Whoever you are, this new character appearance in Donkey’s shitshow is totally giving me the lulz.

  18. You guys, I can’t get over this. You do realize that her only justification that she has been “cyberbullied” is that the meanies called her fat.

    • Okay, so here’s an interesting question: if all of the body snarking ceased (even temporarily), would she still accuse us of bullying? Is she so unaware of the real message of the writers and commenters here that if we stopped saying she has fat fingers or a busted face, she could happily ignore us? Girl, you gotta seriously warped view of the world.

      Others have already commented repeatedly about her equating getting her feelings hurt with real bullying victims, whom she conveniently overlooked (must’ve been cut from that higher word count, right Julia?). I think she could have and should have crafted this into a gender argument (though I don’t want to imply that men are exempt from vitriol…maybe just a different kind of vitriol). She could have interviewed countless high-profile bloggers for their perspective and experience.

      • Nah. It’s just easy for her to bitch about that than it is to address the endless stream of remarks and observations about what a lousy person she is to those around her.

      • Dude, that would have taken actual work! Her way is just to call on a few of her personalities to interview and voila, it is done!

        I agree about the body snarking. I like to keep that to a minimum personally and only lose my shit when I watch her speaking (her mouth horrifies me!).

        The thing about the body snark issue is that she actively tried to be seksy to further her career, pretty much exclusively! So i think commenting on the faded nature of the seksy is fair comment in her case. But yeah — I wonder.

        Personally I think what she hates about this site is the unflattering photos that are now on record. If the photos were all her looking hawt, I wonder if she’d care as much???

        There is also a land a McCain project going on/clinging to the last shreds of relevancy.

        It’s complicated!!

    • I know. Call her a shitty writer, but DON’T YOU DARE SAY HER KNEES LOOK LIKE A BAG FULL OF POTATOES!!!!

    • Oh, I’m pretty sure she considers anyone who posts photos of her from her left side a cyberbully. Lawyers are inevitable, JP.

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  19. See, the thing that I don’t get is that it’s clear that she’s doing this for the McCains BUT it’s not like they probably haven’t seen things written about them that are about 100x more critical. How could they put up with her braying about this when they’ve certainly been talked about more and actually probably had pretty mean mean things written about them? She’s just going to wear them thin until they cut her loose. Shooting yourself in the hoof again Donkey.

    • If she’s doing it for the McCains, Christ what a miscalculation. Cindy’s out there Tweeting about the Congo, she adopted a baby from a Bangladeshi orphanage, the McCain men have all been soldiers and fought in wars, and Donk is making it her life’s work to stop people from saying mean things about her on the Internet? Fail.

      • I know! It’s hilarious. But you can so tell she sees this as her big political platform, with all her first lady speak about “this is a debate the country needs to have” and “I want to protect all girls” and “harmful rhetoric to all women.” She’s trying to imitate the tone of Cindy’s tweets about the Congo, women and microfinance etc. but her big issue is…. people calling her knees ugly. Um yeah. Go talk to your pal Megan McCain about bodysnarking online, you dumb twit.

        • Yeah, it is a super fail. Her fucking biggest problem and why she has such vociferous critics is her total lack of moral or intellectual substance.

          Girl, you don’t get to be a woman child at 30 anymore if you don’t have any fucking talent, substance, dignity or insight. Sorry, Bunny. This is why people on the internet criticize you so much.

          I agree generally women put up with way more shit in every aspect of life and that gender is relevant to how women are treated on the internet and everywhere else.

          There is a worthwhile discussion to have here. Julie is not doing that. It is all about her campaign for herself and her freedom to be immature and substance free.

          Personally i cannot imagine posting about buying or wanting anything right now with all the fucking crazy shit happening in the world. Shit is FUBAR and all Julie can type is that OMG she is going to be a maid of honor and look at these pretty dresses. EPIC FUCKING FAILURE, JULIE.

          • I cannot imagine taking the newsworthy issue of bullying and trying to bend it into my own personal vendetta that is completely unrelated. Her column was basically, “Hold up, Obama! I know teens and gays are being bullied and stuff, but it’s a problem for upper class white women, too you, know??! Someone called my knees ugly! You can’t imagine how that feels!!”

    • Potato Knees is desperately trying to head-off the obvious conclusion McFamousFamily would reach, should they (or the people they pay to read for them) gave her detractors the time of day & looked into this gossip site.

      She doesn’t want any of them to look to deep into her past, so she needs to set the tone up front = I’M BULLIED! JUST LIKE YOU WERE! THEY’RE JUST JEALOUS HATERZ & LIARS!

  20. Julia, if you wanted to stop “bullying” and save people from getting their feelings hurt… here’s a tip hun. Don’t enable homophobes, racists, and misguided fools you dumb twit.

    Your boyfriend tweeted about “ragheads” and “sand n****ers”. Him, his father, and his brother are against ending DADT. THey’re against gay rights in general, such as the right to have a status as a legal couple (if not marriage, then civil unions).

    Senator McCain is one of the biggest enablers of financial scamming against working people. Ever heard of the Keating Five? Ever heard of S&L’s? Bankruptcy reform? Credit card reform? Bail outs for investment banks caught with pants down in subprime mortgage securitization?

    Lastly, a disproportionate amount of gun violence in this country happens in minority communities and its victims are usually people of color. Sensible gun laws and limits on carrying handguns or selling automatic weapons would make Arizona and the US a safer place. OF COURSE ALL THE MCCAINS ARE AGAINST THIS.

    Julia, you’re so dumb. So, so, so, so incredibly dumb.

    Afghani Facebook “Friend”

  21. Savvy businesswoman or shameless attention-hound?
    We report, you decide on the trials and tribulations of Julia Allison.

    (Gelf spoke with Allison about what drives her one-woman quest, designing your own cult of personality, and why she sees her blogging as modern art.)

    Julia Allison: “…as with most things in my career, I believe in delusional optimism.”

    “People would read his [Tom Wolfe’s] writing simply because they knew his byline. And so, I thought —somewhat unconsciously at the time, later much more consciously—if people were familiar with me, and with my byline, I would: a) be able to publish my writing in a wide variety of publications; b) be able to write about what and whom I wished; and c) be able to make a decent living off of my writing.”

    “Ultimately, it [the liecast] exists to tell a story, but it’s not a story you can understand by reading for a day, a week, or even a month. This is a story that could only be told in this way through the tools of technology—taking videos and photographs and quotes and conversations and music and longer form writing to form an amorphous whole, roughly following the chronology and events in one’s life in realtime, sometimes with an interactive audience component, seems like a totally new modern art—and that’s what I find most fascinating. I suppose you could call it a memoir or journalism or “blogging,” but I think that when it comes down to it, it’s mostly art”

    “Ideally—for this particular art form to work, that—I would share in greater depth. … I love forthrightness and honesty and transparency and openness, but I also realize now that with that comes judgment”

    “As to why I’ve at times gone along or even encouraged it [the Gawker relationship]? … I settled for refusing to distinguish between laughing AT and laughing WITH. And so it goes with Gawker. I have, over the years, intermittently tricked myself into believing they were teasing me because they loved me, like a roast.”

    ** Hey, Julia Allison! Call your liecast ‘modern’ art or call it ‘performance’ art, whatever, but realize this: Having your ‘art’ critiqued does not a victim make.

    The ‘starving artist’ routine a la cupcake hoovering & BPC chasers? Bad, bad decision.

  22. Julia, replying to a query in comments as to whether her friends posting on RBNS give it credibility:

    …But no, I don’t think that gives it any credibility. And Megan revealing Toph’s name – because she felt that he was a dick and should be called out – certainly doesn’t either. That was two years ago.

    So, per the social media expert: “bullying” is OK if someone affiliated with Nonsociety deems you a dick, or if 2 years go by without the bully being contacted by the Internet Police.

    • Just like the Macbook Air incident. It was six months ago! Feel free to relax! And feel free to buy me that Macbook Air even though I outed your mental illness on Gawker!

      I love her own personal statue of limitations on assholery. I was only a dick eight times! Doesn’t really count until you get to ten!!

    • Also: is the first admission from the Donkey Kremlin that it was in fact Lasagna who outed him?

      She claims that she always uses her “real” name on everything she posts on the Internet, because when she does something under an alias, she makes Lasagna or Emily Rose do the typing. Legalese, bunnies!

    • hold it: harassing someone is okay if they were “a dick and should be called out”?
      And it’s Julia who decides? Or the government/police force?

    • . And Megan revealing Toph’s name – because she felt that he was a dick and should be called out

      Is the 1st time Potato Knees has publicly acknowledged that Lasagna came onto RBNS to do her dirty work?

      • Interesting, Julia, since we are here because we feel you are a dick and should be called out. Are you getting it yet?

  23. I have always wondered whether Miss Julia Allison, who *always* uses her real name when posting online (except when logged in as one of her alter egos or telling her interns what to type on one of their fake accounts), is so incapable of not sharing that she has pretty much spilled in one form or another all the “dick” things she’s done in her life, or whether there is soooooo much more she’s done to people that no one knows about.

  24. and on another subject, is this for realz? (from her blergh)

    “Question for all you former maid of honors out there … what, exactly, are my responsibilities? Besides throwing the bachelorette party and giving a speech at the wedding?”

    let me fucking google that for you….

    • And I lurve this comment:
      “I know most people have google alerts on their name (I do not), so if they come up in the hate site, they may click on the link. ”

      Julia Allison Baugher doesn’t have a Google alert on her name. hahaha

    • I mean, it isn’t as if there is tons of online information out there as well as at LEAST one article in every bridal magazine IN ADDITION to the constant Cosmo repeats and numerous TV shows outlining all this stuff.

      No, she has no idea!

    • I started a post for that but didn’t finish it: the headline was Julia Allison Who is Psychotically Obsessed With Weddings is Clueless Regarding The Responsibilities of Those Who Are Not the Center of Attention

    • Wouldn’t the correct term be “maids of honor” here? Like “attorneys general” or “Whoppers Junior?”

      • That is my favorite Onion headline ever and I quote it constantly: William Safire Orders Two Whoppers Junior. The story goes on to mention that he previously asked the cashier in the Taco Bell drive-thru for two Burritos Supreme.

        • Mine too…one of several hundred thousand Onion jokes I’ve absorbed into my daily lexicon – third only to “The Simpsons” and “Seinfeld,” respectively.

        • Or in Julia Allison’s case the correct phrase is “once again, not the bride.”

          That was almost a six-word memoir!

  25. I actually sort of like the look Julia has here. Not the way she’s doing it, but the look itself is kind of cool.

    I loved “Scotland, PA,” me.

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