Since She Loves Sharing And All, A Trip Down Memory Lane

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This shot here? It was taken a year ago. I am publishing it because, hey, Prom King got a HUGE KICK out of showing up on her blog, so she said in a comment yesterday. And to paraphrase Donk’s fuck-you to a [REDACTED] who ordered her last May to stop stalking him, they’re our memories too!!!

And here’s the post she wrote about her “breakdown” because a guy she wasn’t into dumped her ass and then of course she was into him and he was the BEST GUY EVER. But wait, she said yesterday that Pancakes is the BEST GUY EVER! And she’s never been treated so well! And that is has been the best relationship she’s ever been in, ever ever ever ever ever, since Alex! And yet what about her profound heartbreak and devastation and whinging about Prom King’s utter perfection less than a year ago? I am so confused. Read on:

I don’t really know where to begin, except to say that right now, at this very moment, I don’t want to write this entry.  I don’t want to write it not because it doesn’t need to be written – it does – but because I would rather take an Ambien, crawl into my bed and go to sleep.

After last night, in which I tossed and turned with anxiety until 6 am, at which point I fell into a nightmare-filled semi-sleep until 10 am, I decided, “Enough.”  In fact, the only thing I actually accomplished today was going to my doctor and actually – for the first time in my insomniac life – asking for an Ambien prescription.

If you’re surprised to hear me invoke the big A (Ambien!?!  But I don’t believe in meds!!), that should give you an idea of how willing I am to try all of the solutions I haven’t before.

So, let me fill you in a little here.  I think it was readily apparent I had a bit of a breakdown last Tuesday, around 4 am, a time in which breakdowns tend to occur.

I’ve always found it fascinating, in a horrific sort of way, how life likes to hit us with 1-2 punches.  In this case, for me at least, it felt like a 1-2-3 punch.  First Jordan left, then I found out my ex Michael got engaged to the girl he began dating right after me, then – yep – on Tuesday evening around 10 pm, Prom King broke up with me.

And that was it, sort of.  The idea of coming on here and posting some happy photo of a cupcake or a pair of shoes or a fun, inspirational quote was too much for me.  And to explain what happened – that seemed even worse.  I couldn’t handle it.  I felt like I was drowning.  To own up to all of that – to tell you how much pain I was in (and why) – I just couldn’t.  I didn’t want to talk about it.

I wanted to crawl into my bed, which I did, by the way, and cry.  And cry.  And cry.

It embarrasses me to write in a public forum that my response to a breakup at the age of 29 is almost identical to my response to a breakup at the age of 16.  How is that possible??  Does this not get any easier??

First, please know that while he most definitively broke up with me, he did so in the most mature, calm, considered manner, and he did “leave the door open” for getting back together at some point in the future.  Honestly, I really don’t want to get into the details of why our relationship wasn’t working, but suffice it to say, the fault is on my shoulders.  The lightest explanation (by that I mean, this is not everything, but some of the less personal things) has to do with a lot of judgments I made about him at the beginning – things like “he’s too young to take seriously” and “I don’t want to live in New York City anymore” and “I don’t want to date a lawyer” and “He doesn’t read enough.”  I allowed myself to get distracted by details which don’t matter (who cares if he’s 25 if he treats me well??) and lose sight of the Big Stuff.  Stuff like: Is he a good person?  Does he make me laugh? Am I a good person when I’m around him?

I over-analyzed everything (um, hello … have you met me??) and managed to make a loving and confident man insecure (at least with regard to me).  That led to a sort of downward spiral in our communication, a lot of misunderstandings, and a fair amount of fighting.  The sad thing is – we both love each other as people, and it didn’t have to go down that route.

Ultimately, he just didn’t feel the same way about me anymore, and while I completely understand why, it was a tough blow to take – especially because I felt that I had brought it upon myself.

I don’t know whether we’ll get back together or not, but I do know that I have made a promise to myself that I will NEVER make these mistakes with another man again.

Here’s what I’ve done in the intervening time:

  1. Re-read every single text he ever sent me.  Cry.
  2. Re-read every single email he ever sent me.  Cry.  Forward some to him.  Realize that’s really pathetic.  Regret it.  Cry more.
  3. Call him about seven times in the first three days, crying.  Realize that’s really, REALLY pathetic. Regret it.  Cry more.
  4. Replay every single scene in our relationship where I screwed up, and reenact those scenes with a different reaction on my part – and new outcomes.  Like Sliding Doors except no Gwyneth Paltrow.  Then cry.
  5. Call my mother at least three times a day.
  6. Attempt to meditate like a Buddist monk. Fail.  Stupid monks never broke up with anyone.
  7. Lose appetite. Not eat much.  Then eat chocolate.  Then not eat much again.  Weigh myself.  Secretly think that only benefit to breaking up is break up weight loss.  Still would rather be fat and with him.
  8. Decide never to date again.
  9. Decide that “never” means at least a month.
  10. Contemplate buying one-way ticket to ashram in India, all Eat Pray Love style.
  11. Realize I don’t know of any ashrams in India.  Think maybe I should just go to Italy and eat instead.
  12. Wonder if I’ll ever find anyone who treats me as well again.
  13. Cry.
  14. Play with my dog … constantly.  Realize dog and mom are only things that cheer me up.  Talk to my dog a little. Watch dog yawn: Dog has seen many of these breakup-meltdowns.  Dog knows “this too shall pass.”
  15. Days pass.  Things get better.  Then they get worse.  Then they get better.  Then worse.  Up. Down. Up. Down. Down. Down. Up.  I’ve been here before (too many times), and I know – intellectually – it will get better.  That doesn’t always make it feel better right here, right now.
  16. Actually work out.  This is a small miracle inandof itself.
  17. Go to church.  Yes. Church.  In Manhattan.
  18. Talk – multiple times – to every close friend I have.  They all check in with me at least every other day.  This does help, you know.
  19. Force myself not to call ex.  Succeed.  Feel very victorious.  Call my mom instead.  I have a good mom.
  20. After a horrible, fitful night of non-sleep, give in and ask my doctor for an Ambien prescription – just to get me through these next two weeks or so.  Feel a little embarrassed, but the only thing worse than getting over a break-up is getting over a break-up on no sleep.
  21. Write this entry. Feel a hell of a lot better at the end of it than I did in the beginning. 🙂

Of course, that’s not the end of the story, and the pain I talked of in my entry last week wasn’t just due to losing him … I’m well aware that when you have a reaction like that (or rather, when I do), it’s telling you that you need to reassess your life choices in a way that you hadn’t before.

I still don’t know whether I’ll continue to “lifecast” the way I had been … I just know I can’t stop WRITING.  I don’t know what the future holds.  But I do know this: when I received the emails many of you sent me over the last few days, they lifted me up. I can’t even describe how much they meant to me.  They made me feel as if I wasn’t alone.

Because I’m not.  You’re not.  I think there is something going on here, with this generation – there’s something very lost about us.  Or maybe that’s just me, and those of you who wrote in to tell me you felt similarly.

I feel it so strongly that I want to talk more about it, and I want to explore it with you … people who are struggling through it, and those who have come out on the other side.  Inasmuch as there ever is “the other side.”  (One girl wrote me that she goes through this every two years!)  When I read through a few of my past entries, it became apparent that I’ve been lost for quite some time now.

I still don’t have the answers, but just admitting – out loud, here – that I’m in pain, that I’m trying to find them, that I’m working on finding a therapist, exploring my faith, even (sigh) taking a bit of medication to make sure I get good sleep at night – it helps.

You helped.  So … thank you for that.

Okay, I have a little white dog to pet now.

Love,

Julia

And PS. I’m also working on enabling the comments here, so you’ll be able to interact with me (and each other) in a way you couldn’t before.  I think that will go a long way to allowing us to all understand each other better.  And maybe, maybe … it could be helpful?  Even fun??  I could use a little fun right now.

PPS. This doesn’t mean I’m back posting full time.  It just means I’m explaining where I’m at right now.  I feel VERY vulnerable and extremely fragile.  So … please.  Understand that.

176 COMMENTS

  1. Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that photo before. I thought she was in LA being a slutty ballerina or something?

    • I don’t think that’s Halloween. It’s a bit later. A costume party of some sort. What a surprise! She dressed as a slutty nurse!

      • Oh Jacy, you must be pissed, you had two typos..we feel your passion!

    • What’s the photo from? It’s a first timer for me and I pretty much live in this litterbox.

      She’s gonna be dressing as a slut long after her tits reach her FUPA.

      • It’s some party that she didn’t mention shortly before they broke up. Those are all the details that were provided to me, sorry!

        • Good to see that she had occasion to don the white plastic stripper ankle-straps again. She really got her money’s worth out of those. It must be frustrating not to have access to them while her things are “in storage.” Or did she off-load them to that poor Midwestern single mom in the Great On-line Garbage Sale?

        • umm, I think I need to seriously rethink my priorities. I’m pretty sure I remember PK wearing that Miami Vice get-up on the sailing trip Donkey crashed? I don’t remember ever seeing her in this costume before, even though I do remember her posting pics from the trip. It’s interesting, isn’t it, that she never posted this one on her blergh?

        • she probably didn’t post it because pk looks pretty unattractive here.

          she’s all “I’m a thuper thexxxxxy nurth!” and he’s all “ohhhh she’s got her leg up around me and her skirt is so short and her boobies are right there…pleasedontletmecuminmypants.”

        • NM, doesn’t look like she posted any photos from that trip on her blog. Maybe they were on FB? I don’t have access to her photos to confirm, but I’m almost certain he wore that outfit when he was sailing with that married couple.

  2. This reply in her comments section yesterday is hilare after reading that:

    “ha, yes, well, this is a legitimate question, as I *did* tell Gawker I wouldn’t be blogging about my relationship with Jack. I meant it – at the time. I assumed he wouldn’t allow me to do so – but I was wrong! I guess what changed is twofold: 1) he didn’t mind, and 2) I could see very quickly that absolutely nothing that anyone said on the internet (or in the media in general) was going to shake this man, one way or another. I’ve never dated anyone so unflappable before. The reason I think blogging about relationships is a mistake is because most men – 90%, probably – would be thrown off by any sort of negative attention, and my haters have an unpleasant habit of trying to contact the guy, etc. Jack would – and has – laughed at things like that. Personally, I love sharing, and I always have, but I’ve been burned by guys who don’t have a strong sense of self being swayed by internet critics or even their friends saying “oh, I read that you went on a trip with Julia on her blog!” Some guys are just more private (like Taylor). I don’t necessarily mind that, but my default is to share a little more. Now, that having been said, I constantly double check with Jack to make sure he’s still okay with everything … and actually, I just found out that he reads the lifecast (I thought he didn’t!!) Either way, it’s not like anything I write or post about him I wouldn’t say to someone at a dinner party, either. Plus … I haven’t had a relationship this solid since Alex, and I don’t think I’ve EVER had a relationship this healthy and equitable. After so many heartbreaks and disappointments, it feels really good to be able to write about the opposite. :)”

    • Tl;dr Donkey.
      The burro really likes to War and Peace her musings on herself and her relationships.
      However the whole comment reads like she’s trying to convince herself, not her “reader”.
      Who probably is her anyway.

      • I think her blogging is her own self-medication. Her writing is never planned, never thought out. You can follow her neurons firing as she types – she just vom-blogs whatever she is thinking without any filter or edit and once the purge is done she feels great relief, maybe a tinge of guilt, but it’s done so she leaves it.

    • She just loves to share!

      At no point does she ask herself: “Why? Why do I like sharing the intimate details of my personal life with thousands of strangers? What do I get out of it?”

      The answer is clearly that she wants validation and she wants commentary of the sort that praises her and envies her, right? “Your life is so fabulous! I wish I was you!” Because she clearly is not interested in anyone questioning her on anything she posts. She is not trying to generate conversation, she is trying to generate compliments.

      And that is fucking cuckoo. cuckoo. cuckoo. cuckoo. cuckoo.

      • But, but, but she is the voice of a “lost” generation! She must be heard. And heard. And heard.

      • All primary processing, Jacy, with our Jules. No time to question any of her actions before posting another spackled face on the ski lift snap. “Imperfect makeup on the tundra.”

      • I know we kid about doctorates in donkology but she really is fascinating, because as [Donkdacted] said — completely unself-aware.

    • “I constantly double check with Jack to make sure he’s still okay with everything”

      Methinks she is trying to sabotage this relationship. If I did this to any guy, ever, he would go run screaming for the hills. She has got to be the most annoying stage-five clinger in history. And then she puts it out there for the world to see!

      *facepalm*

      • “and actually, I just found out that he reads the lifecast (I thought he didn’t!!)”

        This relationship is fucked.

        • She’s such a liar. She knows he’s been reading which is why she’s been posting what she has on her blergh.

        • I just do not understand why she would be so careless when this relationship is brand new. Shipping her clothes out there? Posting about how he said he loved her? Aside from the OMGBarfiness this inspires in me, I just want to give her a dose of STFU with that ten-pound block of ice cream.

          If she really cared, she would be more careful.

  3. blah blah blah MEMEME blah blah PK is rich blah blah blah expiration date blah blah blah Am I alone? blah blah Send me more emails telling me how pretty & speshul I am blah blah How will I top this meal ticket? blah blah Did I mention he’s like really rich? blah blah blah MEMEME /cut

    • and the follow up response today

      blah blah blah MEMEME blah blah Jack McCain like of the MCCAIN family maybe you’ve heard of them? blah blah blah ME blah blah Take that [redacted], Michael, Alex, PK, TK, iPhone blah blah blah Hi Meghan! You look fat! blah blah blah *posting random wedding photos* blah blah blah Facebook’s sister blah blah Organic Chocolate bars blah blah blah MEMEME

  4. This one statement she made yesterday pretty much sums up Julia Allison:

    “I meant it – at the time. “

    • Best response in a hypocrite’s arsenal, by far. Someone I know employs this alllll the time and it is infuriating.

      • That needs to be her tagline or whatever it is she calls that gobbledy-gook on her blaaaccch (she wishes she was born British…).
        Then put neon, flashing arrows next to it.

        • Her six word memoir. Strike that, her six word biography writted by RBDers.

          “She meant it — at the time.”

    • “I think that will go a long way to allowing us to all understand each other better. ”

      Oh, you’re right about that, Julie. From reading your cuckoo replies to comments I understand you perfectly now. You’re an even bigger sociopath than I could have ever imagined.

  5. My favorite part of her comment explaining how much Jack just loves her blog is when she says the men who were clued into her cray via this website and believed it because they were witnessing it firsthand didn’t have a “strong sense of self.” The lengths she goes to to blame her faults on other people still baffles. I don’t know why, I should know better by now. She’s just such a freak of nature.

    • Yeah and when people point out her faults to her it’s their fault because they are too serious and should just “chillax”.

      Nothing can get thru to this walking Narcissistic Borderline personality disorder.

  6. “He doesn’t read enough.”

    LOL.

    Pretty sure Pancakes’ favorite book is Richard Scarry’s “Cars and Trucks and Things that Go.”

      • Well, I’m a catlady but… This is karmic retribution for calling a second grader a “little girl” yesterday when he was most definitely a boy.

        And you’re probably right. There are a lot of words in that book! Multisyllabic words! Like “pickle truck.”

        • “son” was rhetorical, kind of like “Bless your heart” is, here in the South. 😉

          [img]http://www.klikamsterdam.nl/gifjes/teethy1.gif[/img]

          Let us not forget Lowly Worm and his Apple car!

        • @Stalker – for some reason RBD won’t let me reply to your comment! Sad.com.

          Imma letchu finish, but Mistress Mouse is the most badass of them all. Girl gets shit done.

        • You’re so right! I forgot about her. She’s awesome. My son watches the animated cartoon and the only female character is the girl cat, it’s a little annoying. They should have put Mistress Mouse in!!

        • I didn’t realize there was a cartoon!

          I love how in the book Mistress Mouse and Officer Flossy are really the only two competent characters. It’s great and kind of feminist-y!

          I always insist on reading this book before bedtime when I’m nannying. It’s so funny and the pictures are so great… but it’s just sooo long. We never make it to the end.

        • Aww! You’re so kind!

          If you can guarantee that I am allowed unlimited Franzia (after hours, obviously!!), I might take you up on that offer.

          P.S. I love Kentucky. I have such a soft spot in my heart for Appalachia! I even watched that Southern Belles – Louisville show on Soapnet. Oh yes I did.

    • I like Pig Will and Pig Won’t..Donkey Will and Donkey Won’t.

  7. I’m not surprised that growing up with his parents that he is immune to what other people think of them.

    “We are rich and licensed to blow shit up. Fuck you.”

    • My favorite Gawker headline of all time, back in the early Choire days, was on a post about how even though the IRS had begun to tax Hollywood swag, the laws weren’t being enforced; in fact, their defiance was being flaunted.

      Rich People Continue To Get Free Shit Because Fuck You.

  8. I think the most telling thing in her comment about Pancakes is that it’s the most “equitable” relationship she’s ever had (don’t think that’s the word she wants, but…moving on). He’s not smart. Nor is she. They are probably equally surface people who don’t challenge each other. I’ll BET that’s a relief to her.

    • But note that she didn’t like PK because he “didn’t read.” When the only books Donks reads are airport self-help fluff and OMGtotallybrilliant Justin Bieber articles. All of the margins in these great works of literature are filled with !!!! and <3 and 🙂 and "Yes!!!" in pink pen.

      • She didn’t like PK because he was young (25) and probably wasn’t looking to get serious. Seriously? What’s different about Flappy? What part of this situation makes you think that Flappy is ready to get serious?

        On a positive note, if/when Flappy breaks up with her, she’s going to have a really easy time making a post because she can just cut and paste this one.

      • I’m pissed about the Justin Beiber article, I actually wasted my precious RD time reading that.

  9. No, Donkey, most people do not tend to have breakdowns at 4:00AM. Why? Because most people have real jobs that start in the 8:00AM or 9:00AM hour. Thus, they need to be asleep at 4:00AM.

    But since you don’t have a real job with real hours. And you don’t need to be anywhere except where you want to be, ever. And since you think that traveling the country/globe is the same as working 50hrs a week during normal business hours, feel free to chastise all of us for not understanding that a mentally unstable insomniac tends to have self-induced breakdowns while the rest of us are dreaming of a Donk-free world.

    Oh, and on a related note, when most of us normals, 9-5 working folks do have emotional issues (cuz, face it, it happens) we don’t go to the doctor for ambien. We get to the root of the problem and go to a therapist for counseling. Cause we’re not deluded enough to believe that sleeping is the problem.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, my 15 minute lunch break is over and I need to go back to my job.

  10. OT but I’m hoping one of you lovely catladies will be able to help: A friend of mine is moving and asked about shipping furniture. I remembered that there was a whole thread on RBNS with loads of advice and options for shipping furniture, but I’m not turning it up in the archives. By chance does anyone remember it and can point me to it? Thanks!

    • If you can’t find the thread, I would just google “moving companies” for your state. They’re pricey and you have to read reviews to weed out the bad ones, but if you find a good one, it is soooo worth it. For my move, I was charged $1,000 for the deal, the moving company came and packaged all the furniture, and delivered it at the new destination in a week. And they unload it for ya as well 🙂

    • I used PODS last summer & my experience was fine, so I have no problem recommending them. What I didn’t give away out of a 3 bdrm house went into a 16 ft trailer which stayed in a climate-controlled & secure-premises strg facility in my old hometown for two months, until the new house was ready, & then it was transported.

      Push come to shove, you can buy all the shipping stuff you need through PODS, like boxes, tape, etc., which they’ll deliver to you in advance; you can take your time loading / unloading the POD (think inclement weather delays) — optimally, they customize their service to your specific needs.

      Follow their loading instrx (boards & ratchets to section of each portion of the POD) & your belongings should come through intact — mine did. Their process for offloading the POD to the ground is distressing to watch, that baby will teeter in mid-air (scary! to watch your belongings swaying), but they have it down to a science. They also have insurance, & don’t hold me to this, but it seems like $10K on your belongings was standard to the deal, w/ additional covg at additional expense also available.

      They’re very reputable & their customer svc reps were outstanding.

      • p.s.

        Didn’t think about this until I read BLB’s comment above, but I had to get my own guys to load / unload the POD – just an FYI.

        I spent around (<) $1,200, & that included two mo's of strg. If your friend uses them, tell him/her to search online for a PODS promo code — I did that & saved a couple hundred.

        • Is your friend moving for a job? When my parents moved my dad’s new company paid for his relocation expenses, but I’m sure if that was the case, they would have let her know, but the company might know of reputable movers or be able to get her a discounted rate or something?

  11. Also I love her overexplaining of why PK dumped her. It was because she “overanalyzed things” y’all!

    Yeah, okay dickhead. Methinks he just was not that into you, lunatic.

  12. I’m confused–she wasn’t with Prom King during Halloween, was she? And when was she sexy nurse?? (Tactfully not mentioning her anus face.)

    • Are we sure it was a costume party? This totally looks like something Donkey would wear to a breast cancer awareness fund-raiser, along w/ her freshwater pearls, doncha know?

      • i think it was probably a fundraiser for haiti? hence the red cross nurse uniform? oh she’d do that. oh yes.

        • she would do that, yes, but why is he dressed like don johnson in miami vice?

          haiti=tropical=miami?

    • Thank you.
      I just choked on my smoked turkey and ciabatta sandwich.
      What a freakin’ mess.

      • Mmmmm. That sounds delicious. But meat is so baaaaad! Bread is so baaaaad!

        So if Julia does not eat bread, meat OR dairy … that leaves what? Canned chili? Diet supplement pills? She doesn’t have the body of someone (Mary) who subsists only on vegetables and fruit. I think she “treats herself” to emergency chocolate bars, ice cream and junk more than she already admits.

        • blueprint cleanse, canned chili, and gluten-free cupcake mix. by all accounts, she doesn’t cook, so she has to be eating a TON of canned/frozen/prepared meals, which are chock full of 1800% of the RDV for sodium.

          is it any wonder why she always looks so bloated?

  13. “Everybody Knows You Cried Last Night” by The Fratellis

    Whistle for the boys now don’t be shy
    Give us all a song and a reason why
    Baby got the bones and a hand me down
    Says her heart is black but her eyes are brown
    Give the boys a flash and they’ll love you so
    Give the girl some cash cause your mother said so
    And take em out to look at the queen
    And any old girl who’s in between

    Lay yourself down by the side of the bed
    Oh you naughty girl you know you tickle me red
    You look so dumb and you sound so twee
    And you can only wish that you was married to me

    Well, that’s what you get
    Oh don’t get upset
    Ridiculous you
    Waiting in the queue oh whoopee doo
    You could have been
    The best that I’ve seen
    Under the red light
    Everybody knows you cried last night

    Give us all a go till your face turns red
    Little Greg said you went home instead
    If you stick around you’ll get an alibi
    And we’ll try and keep your pretty face bone dry
    Rent a honey rent a honey one two three
    Chasing all the boys from your door cant be easy
    Well ruby said you was wrecked
    But your was never well behaved the last time I checked

    Lay yourself down by the side of the bed
    Oh you naughty girl you know you tickle me red
    You look so dumb and you sound so twee
    And you can only wish that you was married to me

    Well that’s what you get
    Oh don’t get upset
    Ridiculous you
    Waiting in the queue oh whoopee doo

    You could have been
    The best that I’ve seen
    Under the red light every body knows you cried last night

    Lay yourself down by the side of the bed
    Oh you naughty girl you know you tickle me red
    You look so dumb and you sound so twee
    You can only wish that you were married to me

    Well that’s what you get
    Oh don’t get upset
    Ridiculous you
    Waiting in the queue oh whoopee doo
    You could have been
    The best that I’ve seen
    Under the red light
    Everybody knows you cried last night
    Everybody knows you cried last night

  14. It’s really a shame that she’s allegedly against taking medication because she alone would be a real money-maker for the pharmaceutical industry. I have about 4 or 5 prescriptions myself for depression/anxiety and homegirl is about 400x crazier than I could ever be. I also manage to run errands at my desk at least 40 hours a week, pay rent for my own apartment and have friends. Who would never have allowed me to spend my 30th birthday throwing myself a quincenera.

    • Yes. She doesn’t allow medication, alcohol, soda, meat, dairy or grains into the precious, healthy temple that is her body, yet canned chili, powdered diet supplements, diet pills and the “occasional” ice cream, dozen chocolate bars, cappuccino, pancakes and FedExed “fresh” juice cleanse is perfectly OK!

  15. Said it before and I’ll say it again: Ole P.Cakes is used to CRAZY. Frankly he’s probably relieved to be dating someone who knows what it’s like to be hated by strangers. If she can’t make this last–even with Guam–she may as well marry one of her Afghani Facebook friends. One with money, of course.

  16. I just have to say, her face in this picture is SO INCREDIBLY DIFFERENT than her face now. it’s like, every year, her face looks a little more busted and not-like-herself, and you think it can’t possibly get any worse. and then another year goes by, and her face melts even further, and it just…it literally shocks me. it really is such a shame, the irreparable damage she has done to her face.

    sweetie, your face and your body were never – NEVER – the problem. your personality and attitude always – ALWAYS – were. that’s not something botox/restylane/nose jobs/juice cleanses/gluten-free diets can help.

  17. also, donkey not only has michael jackson’s nose, she’s now stealing his moves:

    [img]http://img220.imageshack.us/i/17536471013633394514027.jpg/[/img]

    [img]http://img535.imageshack.us/f/smoothcriminalvideo.jpg/[/img]

    • testing. not sure what the problem is with inserting pics? everyone who is having problems, are you putting in the entire URL?

      [img]http://www.forumspile.com/Understand-Cat_%28Melon%29.jpg[/img]

      • I’ve had no trouble until now, but before I was just posting links to pics on google images. this pic I put up at imageshack. maybe I was copying the ‘link’ link instead of the ‘imbed’ link…maybe this will work.

        [img]http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/5447/17536471013633394514027.jpg[/img]

        • there we go. that was my own stupidity’s fault.

          comparison:

          [img]http://img535.imageshack.us/img535/936/smoothcriminalvideo.jpg[/img]

        • Are those ‘beginners’ straps on Julia Allison’s ski boots? & she dissed Harold Ford for not being an excellent skier?

        • That pic is ridiculous! She’s leaning alllllllll the way forward just to push her tits against this guy’s arm. WTF.

        • Not beginner straps, just velcro to hold the boots together for carrying. Imagine, if you will, the clomping the behooved one makes in ski boots.

        • Although Donks has exaggerated the stance here, as is her wont to exaggerate everything, this is an extreme version of the most comfortable way to stand in ski boots. The back of the boot comes up at an acute angle and it’s not possible to stand with your knees straight. This fact of boot geometry has combined with the full-court breast press in a patently Donkeyesque manner.

  18. This could have been such an interesting, revealing, intimate, relatable moment in her “lifecast” if only her NPD hadn’t led her to believe that any number of of people is interested in reading an entire tome about Julia Baugher’s thoughts and feelings.

    Instead of using the opportunity to discuss breakups and heartache in general with anecdotal experience (as many a dating expert is wont to do), it’s just all “and then I… so then I was, like… then I said… “

  19. So if Donkey got a small gift of $2000 a couple of years ago as a birthday gift from the ‘rents, I wonder how much she got for the big 3.0? Maybe the trust fund has fully kicked in now.

  20. LOL

    “@GigiElf – um … what? Who is Justin? 2 minutes ago via web in reply to GigiElf”

    • Who is [redacted]? What do you mean, mental illness and MacBook Air?
      What do you mean, bitchy email to Mary Rambin? Meghan Asha, who? Fuck you money, what?! I will not blog about Yack or our relationship or what helicopter he is flying?!!!! DRACONIAN! I have no such memories! If you don’t have nice memories, stay off the internet bunnies!!!!!

  21. [img]http://www.pbase.com/image/114038896[/img]

    She left out one big ingredient from her make up kit which she just posted.

  22. Caroline Rocco 1 hour ago
    OMG, do they make gluten-free versions now? I have a friend with celiac and he misses GS cookies the most. I thought all the flavors were made with wheat flour? I would love to surprise him with a box of gluten-free Thin Mints!

    juliaallison 54 minutes ago in reply to Caroline Rocco
    no, I highly, HIGHLY doubt they make gluten free versions, so I just threw out the box that is sitting in Jack’s freezer, lest I be tempted.

    WTF bitch? You threw away Jack’s cookies? Not yours? What a fucking selfish bitch.

    • If by “threw them out” she means “shoved them down my pie hole at 3 a.m. and then told Pancakes I threw them out so he’d never know” then YES.

      Also: if someone ever threw out my girl scout cookies, I’d cut a bitch.

  23. This was her response to Caroline Rocco asking if the Girl Scouts offer a gluten free version:

    no, I highly, HIGHLY doubt they make gluten free versions, so I just threw out the box that is sitting in Jack’s freezer, lest I be tempted.

    She has that little self control that she had to throw the cookies out? I’m sure Yack really appreciated that. My in-laws keep a stash of Thin Mints in their fridge year round and they would be pissed if I threw those out.

    • @Pelterina – hahaha! Looks like we both caught that comment right around the same time! 🙂

    • She can’t eat gluten and can’t be in the same house as gluten, yet here she is holding a Girl Scout cookie.
      [img]http://i52.tinypic.com/9ftobl.jpg[/img]

    • Speaking as someone in recovery from an eating disorder, I have to say that this screams eating disorder to me more than it does avoidance of gluten: she’s preemptively getting rid of anything that she might binge on. This will probably make her feel deprived eventually, and so she’ll justify binges on dark chocolate because dark chocolate is ‘healthier’ (less sugar, dubious antioxidant benefits, etc.). This has GOT to be what she does. I would put money on it.

      • As another person who struggled with an eating disorder for a long time, I would also put money on it because I have done the same thing. I have even done like Miranda of SATC, when she pours soap on the cake she threw out so she doesn’t eat it out of the trash.

        The difference between me and Julia, however, is that I would NEVER think of doing this in SOMEONE ELSE’S HOME, not even my boyfriend of 2+ years. What? Is wrong with her?

        • I don’t know what is wrong with her. I am really, really confused by the fact that she makes her binges so public, too. The last thing I ever wanted when I binged was for someone to find out. At the very least, touching my boyfriend’s food = verboten because then he would find out. Not to mention the common courtesy of not wasting food that her boyfriend bought with his own money.

        • I have, no joke, buried food under cat litter to avoid bingeing (BASEMENT-DWELLING CATLAYDEE FOR LIFE!1!!). This is frankly one of the most distressing aspects of the Julie Albertson Internet Extravaganza. I have no sympathy for her after the tweet that cannot be tweleted from our collective consciousness, but it makes me cringe when she tries to assert that she has some expertise in the area of nutrition. Guess what: even after years of treatment for my bulimia, it has yet to just disappear.

        • Agreed. It’s like any other addictive behavior: something that you have to manage for the rest of your life. I really hope that nobody listens when she recommends such restrictive cleanses.

  24. Slightly OT: but she really doesn’t get sarcasm/when people are making fun of her. I along with two other catladies made overly fawning (and obviously fake) comments on her blerg and she took them to be genuine.

    She really must love sharing.

    • My personal favorite is when a catlady told her in her comments that she was so beautiful, she should live in a house of mirrors. She took it seriously and said, “Thank you!” She cannot fathom how people WOULDN’T be fawning and gushing over her, so in her mind, all compliments are genuine.

  25. What happened to your new column? Wasn’t it supposed to launch yesterday?

    That was a rough launch date!

    WTF? (and why do i feel compelled to respond with ‘WTF’ to EVERYTHING she does?? it’s worrisome.) seriously, there either was a FIRM launch date, or shit hit the fan. why would she even reply to this question with such a vague, obfuscatory answer? better to keep her maw shut, methinks.

      • Ugh, that column, it is the donkey. Why, in the kicker, does she brag about all the Twitter accounts that she has … that she doesn’t update?! (@Lillydog, fallow since June 2010; @SocialStudies, maintained by Emily Rose, and not updated since February 14.) I would comment on Oakland Tribune site, but it’s much nicer to play here in this pen.

      • so, wait, the ‘sample columns’ are actual columns? alrighty then. well I guess julia doesn’t have to work at all in the month of march, since she’s got four columns already.

        also “That was a rough launch date”…given that it seems only one paper has picked it up so far, yes, I’m sure it was a rough day.

      • Seriously. I’m gonna stop working on this brief that’s due tomorrow. Rough launch date, bunnies! The court will totally understand. Established professions like journalism and law have been employing these fuzzy deadlines for decades.

      • In addition to every other awful thing about this video, her outfit looks absolutely horrid. Daywear, donkey? DAYWEAR?!?!?!?! Do you speak it?

  26. JP and Jacy, can we please have a post with nothing but donkey haikus?

  27. Ugh. The last sentence of her Oakland Tribune column is classic Julia Allison/Family Circus:

    “I have not yet, however, written a book. I can’t! I’m too busy trying to remember all my passwords.”

    Ahhhahahahahahahahahaha! She is so funny!

    • [img]http://images1.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/6035174/CANT-WRITE-A-BOOK-TOO-BUSY-REMEMBERING-PASSWORDS.jpg?imageSize=Medium&generatorName=Social-Media-Expert[/img]

      • [img]http://images1.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/6035742/Cant-write-book-Too-busy-writing-comments-on-own-blog.jpg?imageSize=Medium&generatorName=Social-Media-Expert[/img]

  28. Catching up on The Office, they are performing a lip dub. Does this mean they’ve jumped the shark?

  29. Her makeup is nasty. Caked foundation all over the bottle and a dirty brush that looks like its never cleaned. Someone once said she seemed like a person with a dirty makeup bag. Bingo!!

    • I noticed that, too. Her foundation bottle looks disgusting. Exactly what I’d expect from a dirty donkey.

  30. GOD SHE’S SUCH A FUCKING LIAR!!!

    They don’t have “ice cream cake” OR “ice cream shaped like a cake” at Miguel’s.

    http://www.brigantine.com/menus/MC1LunchDinnerMenu.pdf

    Basically she’s a rude lying bitch who pretends to be Gluten intolerant because she’s *special* but really she’s a bingeing glutton who can’t help stuffing her face with cakes and cookies.

    … and for some disgusting reason she thinks nauseating pictures of her cramming a cake in her horrible gob is attractive.

    I just can’t.

    • pretty sure they had the mud pie. she said as much in her comments:

      Mar 1, 2011 (22 hours ago)
      Re: http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/3579876336
      from Julia Allison’s Lifecast – Latest Comments by juliaallison
      Actually, that’s Miguel’s (with the mud pie) … we went to Brigatine for lunch today!! Delicious fish there.

      • So that would be the mud pie with the oreo cookie crust, then? I don’t believe for one minute that she’s gluten intolerant or has celiac disease. She just wants to be high maintenance and have people cater to her and/or pity her. I would bet money that she hoovers a dozen cupcakes in one sitting when she’s alone.

        Also, dinner at Nobu = soy sauce = gluten. Oops?

        • I know it’s hilareballz. All the gluten-intolerrant and celiac people I know know exactly what has gluten in it and steers clear of it at all costs. Most of the avoid eating at restaurants because of cross-contamination.

    • That’s why she gets so made when people ask her questions about this kind of stupid stuff on her blog – every answer is complicated for her because she’s always trapped in a lie. As a result, she ends up having to lie about such inconsequential things and she freaks out about it because it IS stressful to have to keep everything straight. (“Relax!”)

  31. OT, but the St. Patrick’s bray!!! 1) St. Patrick’s Day is not for two weeks. 2) The only fun thing about St. Patrick’s Day is beer. 3) YOU ARE NOT IRISH, DONK! I have never ever ever considered buying green pants, and I’m Irish-American! From Boston! What holiday is she going to appropriate next? Diwali?

    • This. No Bostonian I know has even started discussing St. Patty’s Day yet because it’s MARCH 2nd for fuck’s sake. And because all one really needs to do to celebrate is wander outside and grab a beer. Not purchase $98 pants with Shamrocks on them two weeks in advance.

      • ditto to both of you. i’m irish AND from boston and don’t give a flying fuck about st. patrick’s day, to be honest. and neither does my irish family. it’s a complete bullshit holiday that everyone who isn’t irish uses as an excuse to drink during the day. (see also: hoboken st. patty’s, vomming in the shower)

        • Same, I’m Irish, from Boston and have Patrick in my name for fucks sake and I haven’t even started thinking about the Pogues yet.

        • exactly Cinco de mayo was pushed in the US by corona. it celbrates a bullshit battle where the Mexicans defeated the french in puebla in 1863??? made up holiday

  32. Bunnies, here’s a new game — “Bree or Julia?”

    Bree Olson is a ‘goddess’ to Charlie Sheen and a porn star; Julia is a goddess to Charlie Pancakes and does odd jobs in media. And they both have twitter!

    See if you can guess which of these tweets are from goddess Bree, and which are from goddess Julia! Let’s play “Bree or Julia?” now!

    1. It amazes me that so many complete strangers are so vicious towards me right now. I didn’t hurt anyone, so stop hurting me.
    2. A woman needs love, a man needs respect. It’s that easy.
    3. Everyday I’m learning. I’m learning a lot. Life experiences…… YES.
    4. Spent my evening on a yacht watching Jaws for the first time in my life. It was pretty much, an amazing experience. Yeah… 😉
    5. My life is changing, spinning and going amazing! Couldn’t be happier! 🙂
    6. I’m ready for the calm after the storm.
    7. TODAY IS GONNA BE THE BEST VALENTINES DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    8. Question of the day: What is the worst thing a woman has ever done to turn you off?
    9. “When you have no self discipline, you have nothing.” Yeah… I thought that one up all on my own like a big girl!
    10. This one goes out to the one I love… This one goes out to the one I left behind…
    11. Dress shopping with the girlfriends in Chicago.
    12. You know you travel a lot when you can navigate any airport without even taking your eyes off your phone.
    13. Looking into a camera lens is so much less intimidating than looking into sometimes eyes. [sic]
    14. Everyone needs a little more Suze Orman in their life.
    15. I love that my life is so awesome and interesting that when I tweet, half of you don’t even believe it’s the truth. I’m pretty dope 😉
    16. Leg pit sweat. Gross. http://plixi.com/p/57663921
    17. Question of the day: What do you think is the best invention ever? I’ll tell mine later, I wanna see what you guys say first, see if I agree
    18. Question of the day: How did u feel when u were (are) in your 20’s? Did it seem like more pressure to settle down? What were your thoughts?
    19. I f’n LOVE Whole Foods! Are you kidding me?! Why didn’t I know about this place sooner! I need one in Fort Wayne, Indiana stat!
    20. Okay, for once I have a serious tweet, and it’s a question. When you’ve found “The One” how does it feel?
    21. For everyone asking how much weight I’ve lost: I have lost 22 pounds. It’s vegan baby! It’s the way to go! 😉 wait until you see me on video
    22. @el_criticon We create “Stage names” when we get into the industry to maintain privacy which I hope you can respect.
    23. @bowlerguy92 my family supports what I do and say as long as I’m happy and healthy that’s all that matters.

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