Survey Says…


With barely one week left until Expiration Date Meltdown, let’s review the results of our poll!

Of 572 votes, 55% think Pancakes will quit the “highly successful LDR” after Feb. 28. 15% think the breakup will happen before Guam. Math is hard, but I think that means that 70% of you agree that the dumping will occur sometime in the next six months! Her biological clock is ticking, y’all! Of the rest, 8% think Donkey will actually make it to Guam (and get dumped), 8% think she will get dumped THIS week, before Birthcray, 8% think it will happen AT the Birthcray (juicy possibility!), and 6% say a Donkey will wed a Pancake (moist!). I trust your full statistical reports are in the queue, students!

Also, you will have noticed that you now have the handy-dandy ability to include images in comments. You can use the [img] tag, or click the link below the comment box, the result is the same. Example: [img][/img] will insert a funny pic.

Now, can someone please explain what, exactly, a “diabetic dinosaur” is?


  1. Nice job adding features to our cozy home. If you’re still in a functionality-adding mood, you add a “Send Lamictal to Julia” option to Donkey’s tumblr?

    • Too funny. If only we could run her like a Tamagotchi, where we have to push a button to dose her with Lamictal everyday.

      • Real techie request: there is a wordpress app that you can install that will make optimize reading on the iPad. It would be much appreciated as scrolling through 500 comments of awesomeness is a little tricky! 🙂

        ps: Happy to help with installation or whatnot.

      • Lol. Other buttons might include: Send a C&D! Drink BluePrint Cleanse! Eat a Houston’s burger! Post fake comment on Tumblr! Demand photo be taken of self!

        The only problem is that the Tamagotchi would have a 100 watt sound system and no volume control, let alone a mute button

  2. Words are lost on that narcissistic idiot. Why do people (I) even bother? It’s a waste of time and patience. She honestly needs therapy.

    • Just sit back and enjoy the show. She’s seriously mental, nobody around her is sane or cares enough to be honest with her, so she’s never going to get any help.

    • I honestly think she’d be therapy resistant, most sociopaths are. They lie and spin so much that they pull the therapist into their vortex, and eventually the therapist ends up becoming another enabler.

      • Nobody around her is sane enough or cares enough to push her to get help, and since her parents support her financially, she will never hit rock-bottom and will never have an incentive to get better.

        So, sit back and watch it unfold, kitties!

        • That’s the thing with people with personality disorders, speaking from experience from having it in my fam.
          If they have money behind them, they will never get better. If Jules had to hold a real job, she couldn’t stay up till 3 AM, fly around the country at whim, and do all the crazy shit she does when she’s in her crazy, manic stages. If she did do that, she’d lose her job and wouldn’t be able to pay rent, etc. and would have to face consequences. With her parent’s money behind her, she has no consequences to face and therefore will probably never have to face reality.

  3. Dear Pancakes-

    Your donkeyfriend is not a wounded soul with a killer rack; she’s a bunny boiler who isn’t keeping Victoria’s secret very well.


  4. Mrs. Nutterworth has had FlapJack’s ear for what, a week now? Don’t think they haven’t had some serious MotherBoy talks. So, while I may be solely responsible for 100% of the 8% (who) think she will get dumped THIS week votes, I’m sticking w/ it.



    Now I’m putting my chips on this: she will make it to San Diego the first time. Then go to Tahoe. Then he will dump her before she can get there the second time.

    I just think she is so full blown cray-cray and it is going to scare the shizzzzz out of him. He might not “technically” dump her but he will make up some excuse (lie) and the second trip to San Diego will be canceled.

    • INteresting! I think he would be sacred to do that since she would then use the second visit to STALK HIM. But I like your audacity. My related theory is that she freaks him the hell OUT next week, and he dumps her via skype or text message after her birthday when she safely is back in Chicagoland…

    • I actually feel bad for Jack than I do for Julia.

      Holy crap, his life is funded and enabled by a Senator dad and a mega-wealthy mom. And his girlfriend is….

      I mean, holy fucking crap–just think about that. I’m just some shitty 2nd yr associate who doesn’t have any relationship with his parents, let alone get $$$$ from them… and I’ve outdone this schlub by a country mile. In fact, almost every friend I have–even the ones who are short and/or ugly–are doing better in the girlfriend department. It’s just ridiculous. You’re in fucking San Diego, for fuck’s sake. Invite me out there for the weekend, we’ll go to La Jolla or Carlsbad or anywhere you want and I’ll find you ten girls more worthy than this trashy 30 yr old whore.

      Jack, please get some help, man.

    • Given the whole “long distance” thing, I actually think this relationship will last much longer than we’re expecting. I think it’s A LOT easier to put up with one big blast of brayday cray when you aren’t dealing with the day-to-day crazy regularly.

      But I haven’t gotten my Ph D in Donkology, so I hope I’m proven wrong.

  6. [img]×320.jpg[/img]

  7. I notice Julia’s been really committed to the issue of violence against women this week (since she tweeted that tweet that was so crass I can’t even bring myself to repeat it).

    • Her violence against women campaign is in the queue. At the moment, she’s busy putting together a team of interns who will work tirelessly towards eradicating bullying. You can rest easy, catladies and gents. Julia Allison is on the job! A quote from her anti-bullying dramatic performance:

      “This country needs a zero tolerance policy for hatred, in ALL its forms, and that includes online hatred.  And I intend to work towards this goal in the future.”

      • Work towards a goal? What? Other than thrusting her tits into the camera lens doing another pointless fautxto op? Our smug, opportunistic princess has never done an honest day’s work in her life.

      • “intend to work towards this goal in the future” means nothing. It’s like one of those “Free Beer Tomorrow” signs.

        Also, “intend to work towards this goal in the future” is about as eloquent as “more than 100+ newspapers.”

    • Seriously. The Libyan government is literally ENCOURAGING the rape of civilian women… and this Donkey says NOTHING. I was thinking about saying something to her about this on Twitter, but then remembered that she doesn’t actually give a shit.

  8. When Donkey gets put out to pasture this month …

  9. I wagered after the birthcray, but I’m thinking it might not be until he’s in Guam. He’s a twentysomething – I’m pretty sure he’s going to try the fade-out for a while and hope she’ll move on. When that succeeds in only amping up the crazy, he’ll finally take a deep breath and spell it out for her. My guess if he’ll try to use the safety and distance of Guam as a protective barrier when he drops the axe.

    What blows my mind in her little ‘LDR’ posts is that she’s actually had these conversations with a kid she’s been dating long distance for just a couple of months. How can you even think about long-term and marriage and biological clocks when you hardly know the guy? That’s *got* to be weirding him out. (That pretty much blows her bluff of ambivalence. If you’re ambivalent, you’re not even thinking about marriage, let alone talking about it to someone you hardly know. It’s in no way a topic of conversation until it absolutely needs to be.)

    • I believe the fade-out is going to be the tactic here. I’m betting he’ll be put on a special-op mission where he’ll be a super-duper, secret spy-guy or something and won’t be able to contact anyone for a year.
      Let It Unfold.

  10. HOLY FUCK SHE’S CRAZY! I normally just follow donkey antics during running errands, but WOW did I miss some batshitholycowomgcraycray this weekend.

    WHY is she going to San Diego, then Tahoe then back to San Diego? Is he not going to be in Tahoe for the birthcray? Why can she not just meet him up there?

    Those comments (and awesome stealth commenters!) are the gifts that keep on giving. Good job exposing yourself for an even bigger sociopath than we ever thought, you crazy loon. I cannot believe she is so dumb. Wait, yes I can. Are you telling me all I have to do is to give Julie some shallow compliment and then get her to spill super embarrassing details about her “LDR” in her comment section? HAHAHAH. BITCH IS DUMB.

    • IMDO, it sounds like he is avoiding the birthday, so Donk invited herself to San Diego. Twice.

      Poor Donk, so unable to read between the lines.

  11. OT, but what do you think would happen if Julia’s family confronted her in an episode of Intervention? (I know they would never admit she needs help, but try to picture it.)

        • “Right now, you are her treatment center. Are any of you qualified to run a treatment center?”

          [stunned silence]

          [twelve simultaneous phone-drops]

          “That’s right, you’re not. You suck at it, and you’re fired.”


          “Julia, there’s a lot of people here who just love you like crazy…”

          “Awwww! That is so amaze-ballz! Like crazy! Hahahahah!”

          “… but they’re afraid they’re gonna lose you…”

          “OMG, I know how they feel! The other day I was afraid I’d lost Lilly. Turned out she was shivering in the corner the whole time licking the walls.”

          “Excuse me, folks. I need a drink.”

  12. And what the hell is up with all her bitching about PMS? Is she broadcasting loud and clear that she’s going to be on the rag during her OMG OMG OMG birthday week? Sorry, no birthday sexytimes with me! Hope I can return these blindingly white ROSSINGNOL ski pants!

    • Maybe I am just some blindingly lucky fem-cat, but I’ve never really experienced any mood changes that would constitute “PMS”. Some cramps, a headache, and sore boobs and that’s about it. Not that PMS and PMDD aren’t real, but it really seems to be a convenient scapegoat for her narcissism and rage issues.

      • Admittedly, I’m not exactly a ray of sunshine for a day or two. But I identified that ages ago and cope by just laying low until I feel like I’m not going to snap at someone over nothing. I don’t get why Donks can’t do the same. It’s not like she has to go to an office and worrying about snapping at a coworker.

    • I definitely get annoyingly bitchy and sensitive before my period but I’ve never given anyone that as an excuse why I feel shitty and I definitely am not going to write about it on the internet. Big deal, sometimes you’re a bitch and if you didn’t spend your whole life trying to act like you are SO NICE you wouldn’t have a complex about being a bit snappy from time to time.

  13. After birthcray does make the most sense though I’m sure he’s already prepared the break-up in his mind. We all hear of stage 5 clingers and stalkers – but to put it all out there ON THE INTERNET when you’ve only been dating a few months. That’s borderline crazy and I’m sure he has to be scared away.

  14. I really hope he is dumb enough to be dragged into a wedding. It would provide at least a year’s worth of entertaining content and you know she couldn’t put a lid on it.

    • THIS! The end of Pancakes is the end of my most favorite storyline in this whole shit show. I don’t know who she could possibly date to top this one. Then again, just when you think Donkey doesn’t have any tricks left in the stable, she manages to outdo herself yet again. Hee Haw!

  15. I originally thought it was going to be directly after Birthcray, but since Pancakes is a guy in his early 20’s, I wouldn’t put it past him to dump her this week so he wouldn’t have to get her a present. *

    * Inspired by Donkey’s “omg real-time shopping here’s what I want!” latest blergs.

  16. Re: the poll…

    so julia (and megan alagna–god damn, she’s such a dependent fuck) voted 36 times?


    • She blurts out EVERYTHING. She’s told the world (and the 99% of her blog readers who hate/laugh at her) what he got her for V-day, the fact her mom was raped, and every other secret. How could anyone trust someone like that? No one needed or wanted to know ANY of that stuff. To win a stupid argument on her own blog, she’ll say whatever it takes, truth or privacy be damned.

      The McCains deserve all the shit Julia Baugher is going to talk when it’s over. She’ll leak and leak and leak things out slowly over time.

  17. I guess I’m one of those who has terrible PMS. Before I know it, I’m saying terrible things I wouldn’t normally. Once I sit back and reflect, I check out the calendar and say OH SHIT. It’s every month like clockwork for the past 22 or so years. I feast on chocolate and hide under the covers. I suppose I could see a doctor, but I’m on enough meds for other stuff.

    Not that I know if JA has this or not. I don’t recall ever seeing her post about it on a consistent basis, like I do. So she’s probably lying.

    I wanted to mention that I’m so glad this site is back and that everyone seems to have reconnected. I have chronic pain and just won my disability case (oh, and my husband announced he isn’t happy and wants a divorce after 13 years), and during my struggles I love coming here and reading what you witty bitches are saying now.

      • Ditto. I warn my husband with the phrase “chemically angry,” but I don’t consider it anti-feminist because he uses it too when he knows he’s irrationally irritable.

    • I’m glad we ease what you’re going through, Julie the Actress, however much we can. I once bounced myself out of a depressive episode, in part, by watching 50 Strong Bad Emails in a row. We’ll be your Strong Bad Emails!

    • Sorry for your troubles, Julie The Actress. You’ll get through it, and laughing (even just smiling when you feel like you can’t laugh) is therapeutic. As people around here always say, Donkey is the gift that keeps on giving…and this is the cat community that keeps on laughing. All the best to you, JTA.

    • I’m so sorry for your troubles, jta. I know any time that things in my life get me down (like, being unemployed for just shy of two years now), coming here and laughing over this chick’s lunacy helps make me feel a little better. as bad as things may be for you, and for me, at the very least we do not have to live our lives inside the mind and melty face of julia allison.

  18. She says in her comments that Pancakes definitely doesn’t read her blog but she ran the LDR post by him to make sure he was “cool” with it. So. Manipulative.

    • I think it’s so sad that she says he “definitely” doesn’t read or could “care less” about what she writes (I think she said in the past that both Pancakes and Greasy don’t read her blog). He’s her boyfriend … doesn’t it make her sad that he basically doesn’t give a shit about her “hobby,” interests or online life?

      Or he does read and is freaked the fuck out about what he sees.

    • Actually, she says this…

      “Jack definitely does NOT read the blog, trust me. Although I made him (‘made’ him) read the long distance piece just to make sure he was cool with it.”

      She MADE him read it. She’s happily telling us that she compels her boyfriend to what SHE wants him to do. “Manipulative” doesn’t even come close to describing how this control freak operates.

      I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — if Pancakes is stupid enough to stick around for the ongoing Donkey shitshow, he deserves everything he is certain to get.

      • So, basically that’s confirmation that the LDR post was, at bottom, directed at Pancakes. As in, here’s the Text Quota, here’s the Affectionate Declarations Quota, here’s the Visit Quota and the calendar for when we have our Big Relationship Talks for the next 8 months. Gah, the crazy.

        • She made up a reader question just so she could respond with the crazy LDR rules and show them to Pancakes. Psycho.

      • if she were actually manipulative she’d get further in life. to be pedonktic, she’s conniving combined with stupid.

    • O.M.G. I want to be a fly on his brain!!! Can you imagine?

      How did he not break up with her right after that?

  19. “Hanging out at my parents’ home in the suburbs with them – and my college roommate CD. They are all hysterical together. half a minute ago via Echofon ”

    She really needs to just settle down in the suburb and be unchallenged in any way. I wonder if the Parentsters will take Lily this time when she travels as a birthday present to her and that’s why she’s there?

    By the way, when is SXSW? She has a keynote, right?

  20. Totally off-topic, but I wanted to let everyone know about how really fanatstic Lisa Diane’s contributions are to nonsociety lately.

    First off: I’m totally surprised. When she first started I thought, “oh shit, here’s a complelty unqualified political blogger who doesn’t know the difference between the words anointed/appointed.” I mean, the most interesting thing about Lisa Diane – according to, even, Lisa Diane – was that she was from Canada. Usually I am fascinated to hear tales about how our neighbors to the North navigate the exotic and foreign culture of these United States, but Lisa just seemed, well, blah.

    And I’m here to tell you, I was wrong. Capital-W wrong. Since January 18th, Lisa Diane has posted only five times – but wait! I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but consider this: since January 18th, all five of those posts have been cell-phone camera snaps of the Empire State Building. Sometimes during the day. Sometimes at night. One time, in the fog.

    People who don’t want to think for themselves, will be all like: what does this have to do with politics? And I feel sorry for those people, I really do. As much as I hate them and their narrow-minded world views, I also feel really, really sorry for them.

    What is Lisa Diane, “self-anointed polictal pundit” saying about the state of American poltics in the last 2 months? ( And I always wondered: what does a Candian ex-pat pour all over themselves during that ceremony to anoint themselves a US poltical pundit? Maple syrup? Molson Canadian beer?), Given the massive upheaval in the middle east this past month, when revolutions have been exploding at the speed of the internet, what exactly does a really low-quality series of pictures of a NYC skyscraper contribute to the historic dialogue? Is she suggesting that the same indomitable will that allowed Americans to erect monuments like the Empire State Building will allow us to navigate the confusing course ahead? That hope, like the ring of green lights across this midtown skyscraper is constant – that it isn’t here one day gone the next? That you don’t just put one shot of the ESB up and move on? No, you keep putting those pictures up, and then, let it stand? Is this what she’s saying?

    Or is it more?

    I have spent a lot of time staring at these pix of the ESB. A lot of time. And I’ll tell you what I’ve learned: if you go to Lisa Diane’s blog page and spend between 5 and 7 hours staring silently – meditating, really, I guess you’d call it – you will think some pretty trippy shit. I kid you not. I saw – and heard – some things I never dreamed I could.

    So I just want to say thank you Lisa Diane, syrup-rubbed pundit from the North. You’ve changed me.

  21. nary a comment of late about her column…no takers, it looks like.

    waiting for donkey to update in response to this in 5…4…3…2…1….HEE HAW

    • March 1 is when it becomes available for newspapers to pick up. Seems like she’d be busy researching and churning out future columns if that’s the case. Considering the stink she made about writing three crappy sample columns, I’d say she’s NOT working on it.

      • My understanding…and I could be wrong…is that March 1st is when the 1st piece would run. Meaning, papers had all of Feb to decide whether to “subscribe” or not.

        It wouldn’t make sense to put the samples up on 2/1 and say that you can’t pick it up for a month.

        But again, I might be wrong.

        • that was what I thought, too. the page with her sample columns went up on 2/1, potential newspapers could review the samples and buy the column through february, and the column starts running in subscribed papers on 3/1.

          considering she has to churn out a weekly column, I would be surprised if she wasn’t working on one now. unless her first official column is about social media and technology’s impact on long distance relationships. that was a point she deliberately mentioned in that awful interview with wgn, and now this new post mentions it again….

          • She never even THOUGHT to use Skype until a commenter suggested it to her, so whatever she writes about technology and long distance relationships is going to be a big fat fail, just like her circa 1997 columns on “netiquette.”

        • just skimming I read this only as “March 1st is when the 1st piece would run” meaning Jack (piece) would run (away)

  22. 572 votes is a lot more than Julie’s estimate of 100-200 active commenters on this here ol’ blog. Math is hard!

    • To be fair, at least 3 dozen of those votes (“he’ll put a ring on it”) were votes from Dadster in his office at work, between sending C&D letters to “hate bloggers”.

      He just read “The Secret” last week and he knows if he wishes for it, the Universe will reward him.

  23. Wait a minute. Say that you are a 24 yo son of a prominent political figure and a rich as hell mumsers & you’ll never worry for money in this lifetime. You are a navy pilot and dating some chick who does something-or-other online regarding media although you’re not sure what. She was on the cover of Wired! Hot. Now, supposedly she has this blog that you’ve looked at but not really paid attention to because it’s most pics of fluffy dresses, fluffy dogs, and fluffy men – not really your thing but must be fun hobby for your self-proclaimed Tyler Swift girlie girl.

    She tells you she has a LOT of jellus h8trz on the interwebz and you can TOTS understand because, like, your dad, sister & mom have pretty much been called every vile name under the sun. Peas in a pod!

    Now you’ve been dating for…. stretching it a bit … almost four months. Already she’s had A. Talk. with you about your leaving for Guam. WHOA. You sidestep that gracefully by saying worry about it when the time comes (Hey, we’re, oops, at least you’re young! Why rush?!) Now she tells you that she has to run an “article” she wrote about LDR by you, and wants your OK to post.

    You read it. You choke. You go to the fridge for another beer. You try to get through it but reading her laundry list of all the guys who’ve already checked her oil with their dipsticks is a bit nauseating. More beer. You skip over the litany of previous fucks (you can sense there’s a bit of crazy in there but it sounds rather rational so, moving on…). Sip sip. Now there is a TO DO list you see. You roll your eyes, shielding the monitor so your navy buddies or your mom (depending on where you are) can’t read the screen. Very different outcomes but both equally heinous.

    You scan the list quickly. No words about murdering one night stands (whew!), stalking daddy on the political trail, nothing too obvious. You roll your eyes again and answer her fiftieth (50th!!) text of the hour of her asking frantically “Did u read it? R U OK w/ what I wrote? My H8TRZ will be all over this!” You type “It’s fine, JULIA, post whatever you want, JULIA, water off a duck’s back.”

    More beer. Hey dudes, you going out cruising for beaver tonight? Oh wait just a minute, have to text this crazy chick. “Beavers? ooo take a pic XOXO Julia”.

    • Re-read the first 3 sentences of your comment and then ask yourself–why the fuck would a guy with those options date someone like Julia. Is Jack gay? Or just really, really fucking stupid? (OK, so we already know he’s fucking dumb–check out his finish comfortably within the bottom 10% at USNA, despite a yr at NAPS for remedial math.) But maybe Julia is just a beard?

      • I posed the same question yesterday and JP shot it down (I trust him).

        I think I figured out WHY he’s still in this. There really is only one explanation:

        sex tape

        • Someone close to her that went to Georgetown said she’s bribed men to stay with her longer via a sex tape. It was in the comments in the past 2 months.

          • yep! A sex tape that reveals that his peen is unimpressive, perhaps?

            There you go. That’ll keep her in Pancakes’ life until SHE lets him go when he moves to Guam.

            Has to be it!

    • You make a valid point here that could explain a lot: Jack may be less off-put by the amount of online vitriol over Julia’s antics than we’d think he would be, because of how much stuff is flung at his dad (and to a lesser extent the rest of the family).

      • according to Meghan’s brill logic, the vitriol hurled at her is all about her weight/looks/tits/blonde hair
        (god men are soooooooo petty)

    • I have always maintained Palin is also a raging NPD case, too in love with herself to accept she is not qualified to weigh in on most issues or run for president. From her inability to take any personal responsibility for the shit she finds herself in to constantly blaming her “haters” and her out-dated beehive — her version of the bobbypin mullet — there are a shit-ton of similarities between her and Donk. I may have to do a post on that at some point.

    • compare:


      • Oh shit, the schnoz! She looks so much like Dadser. He must be so proud she spent lots of his money making herself look nothing like him.

        • my god, that NOSE. I have never seen a picture of her with this nose, I don’t think.

          it totally reminds me of this:


          • Seriously! Never ever have I seen this nose. Has she had Reputation Defender also scrub the interwebs of pre-plastic surgery pics?

        • The longer I look at this pic the more I’m convinced it’s actually Dadser in drag. LaDonk has never had biceps like that.

        • Yes! And her legs are ineffably superior to her current legs. It’s almost like back then she wasn’t in front of a computer screen 24/7 writing fake comments and losing all muscle tone.

      • See now, did her parentals pay for her 73 nose jobs? Seriously that family is just fucked up. “I want to look perfect so I can be on the teevees. Okay Baby Julia, we pay for your nose jobs. On top of your small graduation gift.”

        Mind you NuttyGranny appears to have had a lot of plastic surgery so maybe she funded that too.

  24. She set herself up with the whole “I need love! I’m emotionally needy! I need cuddling! I need ATTENTION!” thing. She thinks it’ll make her 24 year old fratty boyfriend start worshipping her, but really it gives him an easy way out of the relationship. “Oops, sorry babe. You said you need all this emotional attention, but I’ll be in Guam for three years. Can’t give it to you. Smell ya later.” And then she’ll furiously try to backpedal. “JACKK!!! Yoooo hoooo!”

    • Extreme emotionalism is not attractive on either sex. I don’t know why she gets a pass for this or thinks she deserves one.

      I fucked a guy like that once. He wouldn’t get the hell out of my life when it was time to go, and i was unsurprised to find out his raging addiction issues brought him to meth years later.

      Not saying she’ll ever turn to meth, but Donkey be tripping and she needs to get a handle on herself. Soon.

    • I cannot believe she LITERALLY said she was emotionally needy. Because that’s what everyone wants in a significant other.

      • The only way I can think of to tell would be to do a google-search of some copied text of the articles (not that it’d show if some corp bought a piece to use in a company newsletter).

        Donkey has gotten all the mileage that she’s going to get out of this TMS farce, & that amounted to what? A self-paid fauxto shoot of her tits for a vanity ad in a freebie self-promotional rag?

        Any idiots she may have fooled into believing that she’s a columnist for the Chicago Tribune are useless to her — anyone falling for that tripe isn’t going much further in life than the food court at the local mall anyway.

      • the big way to tell is that her braying about being picked up would be heard from here to Guam. (and by “here” I mean “the point in the universe as distant from Guam as is physically possible”.)

        her silence speaks volumes.

        • Yes, it does.

          WHY is she so quiet today? Surely she must be en route to the airport.

          No whining about weather delays? No pictures of luggage (or tweets about how to pack for snow and beach)? Did she fed ex her clothes yesterday?

          Quiet Donkey is worrisome.

  25. Okay, crazy conspiracy theory:

    Julia is planting all this business about being PMS so it can be a total and utter shock to her that she finds herself PREGNANT after this trip. “No! I swear! I had my period! It’s impossible! I ate enough chocolate to give a dinosaur diabetes! See, it’s right there on Twitter!”

    PS – I realize this might make me as crazy as she is but there always seems to be an angle with her – nothing is ever posted without an agenda.

    • I’ve always thought she was crazy, but not THAT crazy, but after her behavior over the last week or so, I am beginning to second guess. She’d just HAVE to move to Guam, bunnies! And she and her best friend Randi would have so much in common! Totally adorable! A cute and cuddly little baby to always be available to snuggle with our emotionally needly little donkey!

      I jest, but that scenario would really be horrific.

  26. catching up on some dlisted while running errands, and this post about sexting had me in tears (of laughter). seems so topical given our julie’s LDR relationship tips.
    Hahhaa oh, we … Do that (what you referred to …) I just don’t really think he would appreciate me talking too much about it 😉

  27. Maybe one of her first Social Studies columns will provide a layman’s overview of content scraping by companies such as HBGary — how to insulate your privacy from corporations and the future of HA HA HA, sorry. No time for that kind of research when covering pressing issues like How Often Should Your Dog Tweet? and The Appropriate Amount of Skin to Bare on Orkut.

  28. She crayzay. Just posted this on her blog. Because she’s already thinking ahead to spouse and kids????

    “Politico’s piece on the “Military-Civilian Disconnect,” which Jack just emailed to me yesterday

    Honestly, aside from Kimberly (my girl friend who went to the Naval Academy and for whom I was maid of honor in her wedding to my friend – and former boss – Senator Kirk), I’ve never even KNOWN anyone in the military, let alone well. Now, with Jack, it occurs to me that there is an ENORMOUS military-civilian gap. I can’t tell you how much I’ve learned in the past few months, and I’m extremely concerned about the mental stress on the spouses of these deployed service people. How do they cope??? What if they have kids???? Jack and I spend a lot of time talking about this, and he doesn’t have any more answers than I do (and I have less than none).”

    • And also this:

      “I LOOOOOVE Kate Spade, and have since I was 16. This collection is bright, whimsical and ladylike: just perfect – whether you’re first lady, or just a lady who lunches. ;)”

      She is soooo imagining herself ten years down the road as some kind of military wife/first lady. GUFFAW

    • she’s such a moron. get a fucking clue! “How do they cope???”
      fuck you julia, just fuck you! these problems do not magically appear when you become aware of them (usually years or decades after the fact)! please, for the love of god, just stay in your cotton-candy condo fantasy world. we have errands to run here, so stfu!

    • Honestly, aside from Kimberly (my girl friend who went to the Naval Academy and for whom I was maid of honor in her wedding to my friend – and former boss – Senator Kirk),

      Why couldn’t she just write “my friend Kimberly”? Donks, no one is impressed that you were the maid of honor in the wedding of your friend to OMGSENATORKIRK.

      • That entire sentence is word coleslaw.

        I know it’s hard with scrambled synapses for burro brains but write for clarity you Donkey.

    • Ok so I’m picturing one of two scenarios:

      1. Donkey and Pancakes are so in lurve that they always talk about their future together in a healthy attempt to make a military relationship work. She tells him her fears about being in an unconventional situation and he tries to calm them by telling her to take it one obstacle at a time.

      2. Donkey is constantly hee-hawing “OMFG, what about ME? What about ME when you leave ME? You have to MARRY ME, so you can’t leave ME alone while you go off and potentially die in some foreign land!” and Pancakes flaps, “Um, let’s just see what happens. Please shut up now.”

      • 1. Donkey and Pancakes are so in lurve that they always talk about their future together in a healthy attempt to make a military relationship work. She tells him her fears about being in an unconventional situation and he tries to calm them by telling her to take it one obstacle at a time.

        Hahahahahahahah … Hahahahahahahah … Hahahahahahahah … Hahahahahahahah … Hahahahahahahah … Hahahahahahahah …

        • This whole thing is insane and so typical of Julia. She used to have a rule about not sleeping with a guy until the 11th date, but insists on talking marriage after the 3rd date!

      • Because i honestly think he is as dumb as her.

        This is a shitty thing to say, so please have at me people, but i think we are in short bus territory with the both of them here.

        I am not quick to jump to this depth, but her comments section has really made me question the IQs of all involved here.

    • “I’m extremely concerned about the mental stress on the spouses of these deployed service people. ”

      Transbraytion: “I’m concerned about ME.”

      • wait you guys dont think that this is just another excuse for her to cry “oh it wouldn’t have worked! so stressful for me!”

        i mean, i voted that this dumbass is going to put a ring on that bloated crone claw. so i think they’re going to be 2gether 4evah. but i am secretly hoping that we get to see the loon fly this march.

      • Yeah, what about the people who are actually stuck in some faraway shithole dodging shrapnel? I realize it’s not easy to be the spouse, but if I had to choose a fate, I’d rather have the sadz than lose a leg or worse.

    • Between the lines: subtle, low-touch way of keeping Donks at length and potentially scaring her out of the stable.


      I am surprised by own shock at this recent revelation about the depths of her stupidity.

      Also, “Jack and I spend a lot of time talking about this, and he doesn’t have any more answers than I do (and I have less than none).” in association with this is extremely hilarious.

      1) Jack listens, doesn’t care, doesn’t want to workshop answers with this lunatic.

      2) Julie presses the issue on him incessantly. My god she is fucked up.

      Why doesn’t she just come out and say, “i am desperate for you or someone to put a ring on it. i don’t much care about the specifics as long as there is lots of $$$ at the end of the process.”

      The mind, it reels.

  29. Honestly, aside from Kimberly (my girl friend who went to the Naval Academy and for whom I was maid of honor in her wedding to my friend – and former boss – Senator Kirk),

    Why couldn’t she just write “my friend Kimberly”? Donks, no one is impressed that you were the maid of honor in the wedding of your friend to OMGSENATORKIRK. And I love how it’s all about where she went to school. Nothing about what kind of person she is or what she does for a living. Just that she went to a prestigious school and was once a bride.

    • Well she has a lot of name to drop there! And bunnies, she was a maid of honor. Not EVERYONE hates her!!

      She is a really, really awful writer. Fuck my eyes.

      • Seriously. If this were some random, do you think she’d have a long parenthetical about it?
        “Aside from my girl friend Kimberly (who went to U. of Illinois and whom I was maid of honor in the wedding to Bob, my friend and former boss at Staples)…”

        • I am beginning to think she has eliminated all potential randoms from her life. Thus she has no real friends.

          Hee Haw!


      • This!

        I am not even an optimistic cat and this level of stupidity coming from her astounds me. For real.

        He his 24. One of her recent bouts of massaging her own troubles away (a long screed filled with lies, in her comments section, obvs) because she was between the ages of 23-26… So by this logic she is a giant mistake for Jack that can be massaged away due to youth. But she is talking about babies and marriage with this person!!!

        How fucking DUMB do you have to be to spout such contradictory shit on an ongoing basis.

        It’s too much. Really. Too. Much.

  31. OT: At the inlaws’ dinner table earlier, my hubscat said my company just hired H.Ford Jr who the fuck is that? I normally ignore politic talk there since they share different views then me but I definitely groaned over that one. I think hubscat was surprised I knew the name but sadly I would not reveal how!

    • Harold Ford is just the fucking worst, the Republicans’ favorite Democrat because literally all he does is go on these chat shows and agree with them, trashing his own party, progressives, unions, you name it. He is just awful, not surprising he and Donks hit it off once.

      • he really is a piece of shit. like Donks, he has a built in excuse for whenever anything goes wrong. when he lost the TN Senate race, he blamed it on race. waaaaaa. typical Donkey-esque excuse.

  32. I wonder if our Social Media expert will comment on the YouTube videos of peaceful demonstrators being killed by Bahrain’s army. Or will that insightful commentary come after she ends online bullying and stands up for women’s rights?

  33. Think how stressful it is on military families who have to be deployed to warzones?! Aka those who don’t have family connections.

    Oh, poor baby, old Yack will be off screwing someone else (I say a man, as one who ascribes to the beard theory) in Guam while you whine and shop for hideously expensive things at Bergdorfs. Have you not heard about the wars this country has fought for nearly TEN YEARS?! BRAYGE

    • she’s a post-9/11 college grad and it BOGGLES HER MIND that people her age have been in war zones for the past DECADE.

      she’s a useless pile of crap. completely clueless. some “journalist”.

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