Donkia Donkerson Would Like To Welcome All Of Her Brand New Column Readers Who Will Be Endlessly Fascinated With Her Pathetic And Psychotic, Yet Incredibly Boring Life

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So, for those of you who are new here: you may be wondering to yourself, “self, now what, exactly, is a “lifecast”?

Or if “yourself” is a little more, uh, charmingly jaded, you might ask, “Self, why the hell should I give a crap about what this random girl did over her weekend?”  And the answer to the latter is … you probably shouldn’t! But if you do for some reason enjoy peeking, I promise not to tell anyone. 😉

I really should just call this my “bits of life”cast, because that’s more accurately what it is, anyway.  No, it is not every moment of my life – or even close to every moment of my life (although when it began, I did record more frequently).  Yes, it consists disproportionately of special occasions (photos of me in my sweats working aren’t terribly thrilling, much as I love me some Juicy Couture velour track suits).  But sometimes it’s links to articles I like or to videos I think you might enjoy, a quote which inspires me, a song I want you to hear, or a beautiful photograph I’d love for you to see.  And sometimes I just post about really cute shoes.

My lifecast is almost like an online scrapbook – it’s meant to be fun, light, just a glimpse into my world. Although I sometimes do speak about serious subjects, I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression: this site is not, under any circumstances, to be taken too seriously.  In fact, writing here started as a business which grew out of a hobby, and that – well, frankly, that ruined a perfectly good hobby.  🙂  So it’s back to being a hobby, and I plan to keep it that way, at least for the foreseeable future.  If you enjoy it, thank you so much.  If you don’t, many apologies.  Luckily for both of us, there are 200,000 blogs out there which you may enjoy more!

A quick and not-at-all-comprehensive guide around this lifecast is probably best summed in a post I did when I quit (for about a month after a bad breakup) last May.

I reprint it, with my own permission (lol), below:

Although I don’t know you and you don’t – let’s face it – really know me, we’vebeen through alot.  I started blogging in 2006, and began this lifecast in 2007.  I chugged away, dutifully recording these bits of my existence, photographing and captioning and – especially in the first years – reflecting quite alot, ruminating on life, love, and happiness.  Sometimes I shared deeplypersonal storieswith you, other times – lately – not much at all.  Sometimes I offered you advice. Sometimes I just posted awesomephotos of my petdog.  I did these strange, sometimes hilarious, sometimes awfulthings called lipdubs.  I filmed over 100 episodes of a little show called TMIweekly.  I got a tattoo.  I fell in love, got heartbroken, fell in lust, got heartbroken, dated and loved, dated and liked, dated, dated, and finally fell in love again. At this point my heart is so battle weary and scarred I can’t even tell if it’s broken or intact, but I’m leaning towards broken.  Finally, I talked about my faith – which I came into (relatively) late in the game, but which has changed me inexorably as I navigated my way through the byzantine maze of my late twenties.

I share these bits of my life because I love sharing, and I feel lucky that technology has provided us all with the ability to entertain each other in whatever way we can – be that with smiley candids, inspirational quotes, books we’re reading, music we made – or sometimes just a few adorable dog photos.

At the end of the day, I hope something I posted allows you to laugh, causes you to think, or just makes you smile.

Thank you for visiting.

🙂
julia

Transbraytion: I apologize for claiming to be a social media expert, even though my blog has no substance whatsoever and succeeds only in making me look like a wedding-crazy, psychotic buffoon with digestive issues.

P.S. You’ll soon learn that I have absolutely no fucking clue how to use Google.

251 COMMENTS

  1. It’s fun! It’s light! Don’t take it too seriously, Cindy! It’s just my online scrapbook and these are MY memories, too!

  2. “At the end of the day, I hope something I posted allows you to laugh, causes you to think, or just makes you smile.”

    Everything she posts does all of these things. Especially allowing me to laugh. Thanks, bunny!!!!!!

  3. I want to take that trasbraytion out behind the Science building and break the laws of several Southern states.

    • Not only did she re-write history, she is also in love with Pancakes after being exclusive for what? Two months?

      • “My friend Taylor” will soon become the “man I loved and lost” when Pancakes justifiably dumps her crazy ass soon. Can’t you just see it?

        “True love was right in front of me all along, but I stupidly turned my back on it for the flash of someone younger and more famous. And now my heart is truly broken. SF Boy, won’t you please forgive me? I made a mistake. I never claimed to be perfect.”

        • I spat my coffee out when I clicked on that link from a post written in MARCH (not May Donkey) that she has now edited to include a link to pancakes, her boyfriend of 6 weeks. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Seriously?! And how can she get the timeline wrong of the original post when she’s c&p from her own bleugh? Unless she has done it on purpose so people cannot see the full original post in all it’s ‘replying to a rude reader email’ glory.

          • Of course she did it on purpose. Donkey has merely re-purposed & regurgitated her liecast into the Reader’s Braygest Condensed Version for Cindy McCain’s benefit*.

            *BENEFIT = Crossed hooves that Cindy only gives a cursory glance to the one post, rather than digging deeper & uncovering contrived fauxtos, pathological lies & psychotic narcissism.

      • And how does Pancakes exactly fall into that timeline if she says that happened last May? What a looney bird – her conveniently rewritten history doesn’t even make sense, unless there are some rips in the space time continuum we don’t know about.

        And … Mommy AND Daddy back under one roof?? So ineffably blessed that the perfect family is back together again.

    • Wow, Julesie. Just WOW.

      Wow does not mean ‘well done’ you little sociopath. #sheneverreadshere

    • I followed that link & only saw a tweet … is there a post also, before I go to the trouble of trying to track one down? The “Comments Are Closed” makes me wonder …

  4. JP!!!!! Am I late on this development? Heh. WB! 😀

    Now this travesty… ugh. Little more transbraytion for you in a rundown:
    – bits of lifecast = “Here I am with salmon! Also, you will only see the bits of life I want you to see so I can craft my lies and legalese, then claim you aren’t seeing everything and therefore shouldn’t form an opinion on what I choose to present!”
    – self/self = annoying, she should stop doing it.
    – “You shouldn’t care about what I do, only these days though, because my life is no longer interesting!”
    – “It’s no longer every moment of my life, because I’m not actually doing anything and have nothing to talk about! Also, I spend most of my time sleeping as it is!”
    – a quote THAT inspires me. What? is so hard about the that/which distinction for a self-proclaimed writer?
    – “You only get a glimpse into my world, because if you got the full picture (thanks for that, RD!), you’d know I’m bonkers with frequent cycles of mania and depression!”
    – “Don’t take it so seriously! Worrisome.”
    – “Writing here started as a business (startup! founder!), all of it failed spectacularly and none of the laundry list of goals came even close to being achieved, so now it’s a hobby and I don’t have to take accountability! It’s a hobby, not a business!”
    – “There are only 200,000 blogs on the web so go read another one if you don’t love me, and don’t you dare criticize and/or question me and my motives!”
    – “I share these bits of my life because I find myself fascinating, and you should too! I’m not (just crazy), so I’ll be sharing a lot less!”
    – “At the end of the day, I hope you’ll buy the version of me that I present, because the real one is a hot damn mess. KTHXBI!”

  5. She also posted a video (wedding related of course) saying, “My friend Taylor just sent me this…”

    See guys, she and Greasy really are BFFs!

  6. Since we’ve already talked about that/which, Luddite, I/me, -self, and other problems – I’d like to raise this one – aren’t all mazes Byzantine?
    Urgh. We could start a wiki on her grammar and vocab mistakes. I’m happy to curate…

    • Wasn’t there a TMI Weakly episode about someone saying “I love you” too quickly? Was that the one where she intimated, and then laughed at, the fact that Charles Forman said it only after a few weeks? And it was obvious who she was talking about even though they bleeped it out, but because she’s a raging cunt, she kept it in?

      I guess it’s okay to fall in love in a few weeks if the dude is wealthy and famous. “Sometimes you just know.”

  7. I thought this was a parody written by JP.
    But no. It’s really JABa, really writing like that and then self-publishing it.
    Dear lord.
    I pity her editor at the Trib.

  8. When did she quit for a month in May? Wasn’t it March? And didn’t she quit for three days and then return because she was “contractually obliged” to blog and promised more details about those obligations which she never provided?

    • Yep, that was late in the week, and she was then posting on RBNS within a day or so,went into a chat set-up (that she didn’t know how to use! techxpert that she is!!) and claimed she would be back blogging on Monday because she was “contractually obligated” (to post pictures of herself on her hobby blog).

      kookoo kookoo

    • She’ll have you know that her own behavior and crude language (not really, it was RBNS’ fault!) in chatgate lost her that very lucrative (read: non-existent) contract!

    • I love the “contractually obligated” thing. So her: obviously false, self-aggrandizing, nonsensical, blame-shifting, and dead-eye stupid.

  9. Also, what bad break-up?
    The one where she visited a guy in person what? two times? and he visited her place ONCE and then she found out they weren’t exclusive?
    That one?
    Or the one where she dated a guy a handful of times but he wanted more out of a relationship than over-the-top expensive theme dates on his dime just to provide fresh material for her hobby blog?
    Really? That one?
    A bad break-up?
    >>>stunned silence<<<>>drops phone<<<

    • She has no idea what true heartbreak is about. All she’s broken hearted about is her inability to control her narcissism.

  10. I re-read that twice and still can’t understand what she is saying. I did have a hearty chuckle over phrases like “changed me inexorably” and “the byzantine maze.” WTF? She is such a dope.

    • Yes, her love of SAT words is inexorable (see what I did there?). If only she would learn how to use them correctly.

  11. I like how she needs paragraph after paragraph to explain how tumblr works. You fancy this an online scrapbook? Really? How unique! How different from every fucking other tumblr!

    Good thing she wrote this explanatory post, I would have been really confused otherwise.

    • Yes! And tumblr has made her such a lazy writer! Until she feels the need to write rambling screeds at 5 a.m. about why she flounced from blogging for two days or feels the need to explain that it’s all just “light, fun” to the fresh boatload of haters coming her way when her column debuts.

  12. I love when Julie Albertson tries to tawk all classy. Her FAITH?! Wearing slutty outfits on Easter counts as FAITH? How inexorable.

  13. She. Is. So. Crazy.

    Stayed up til 5:00am to write all this crazy. Should be first great day on the job!

    • Hey! It’s United Airlines fault that she got home late & was up w/ the roosters! (Honest, Cindy, Donkey keeps normal hours under normal circumstances, but these are trying times!)

  14. God, check out this cunty reply email she reposted during one of her epic flounce moments. She never, ever, ever, ever, ever reads here, bunnies!!

    “Why do you think I owe you anything? I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you, but honestly, you’re not a friend of mine, nor are you family, so I’m a bit confused as to why you think that you have some sort of say in how I should or should not be …

    Here’s the deal: I *DO* ignore the critics, absolutely. I don’t read the reblogging site, ever ever ever, and I have to shut them out (even emails like yours), because the truth is, I know better than anyone how I’m doing, why I do what I do, what my goals are (or were, at least), etc. And if I were to listen to outsiders who didn’t know me – most of whom wish me ill will – I would literally go crazy.”

    • “…wish me ill will…”

      It’s either “wish me ill,” or “have ill will toward me,” you acclaimed journalist.

      P.S.: Donkey!

      • And LOL at “would literally go crazy,” because Donk, you ARE.

        (But, yay, LITERALLY actually works in this context. Well done, Julsie, well done!).

  15. “…finally fell in love again. At this point my heart is so battle weary and scarred I can’t even tell if it’s broken or intact, but I’m leaning towards broken.”

    Leaning towards broken?

    Does that mean that the Unflinchable Flying FlapJack hasALREADY dumped her raftass? From what I’ve seen, Donkey’s cold, black heart historically materializes only when she has a rear-view mirror in which to see what has recently slipped through her tacky, fake-YSL-adorned hooves …

  16. The best part about her post here… is the time stamp.

    4:28 in the morning.

    So, sometime aorund, let’s say, 3 o’clock in th emorning, she decided what her life needed was an updated mission statement for her blog. And she sat down and wrote one, apropos of nothing (there is no new launch on her site. Her tribune column hasn’t run, so she’s not posting a greeting for new readers directed by that traffic. Her alexa and quantcast numbers remain anemic and flat. No change. So shy the expanation now?) . And didn’t hit save and wait to re-read when she woke up. No, she posted it at 4:30. That’s good Jules. The people who have hired you to write about new media will really love that. Because it’s not like every 17-year-old learns not to post late-night on face book or their blog after two months on the internet. I mean, not posting after, say, midnight isn’t like one of the internet’s Ten Commandments – right up there with not posting-while-drunk, and not posting embarassing work-related stuff.

    We’ve seen this before. This is why some people wonder if she’s a drug abuser. The late nights. The nonsensical writing topic. The bad, bad decisions. The only question becomes which will arrive first: the pledge to quit the internet (again) or the loss of her job (again)?

    • I doubt she is on drugs, but I have no doubt she has a serious mood disorder. Jesus Christ, it’s not fucking Celiac’s, it’s not whatever stupid issue she claims the sleep clinic diagnosed…it’s that you obviously have a mood disorder and could benefit from psychotropics, you dingbat. Does she thinks it’s normal to be up all night, sleep all day, and twitter away 12 out of 13 waking hours? I fucking CANNOT anymore with this wench.

      • Adults with real jobs would call it insomnia. And be mature and get a sleeping pill (not go to a sleep clinic and have a photoshoot).

        Of course, normal people would realize that there’s something wrong with their falling in looove and then being inconsolable over month long relationships. And seek therapy and/or a mood stabilizer.

        Not our Donkey!

      • Amen! You know who stays up until 4am manically typing out “life statement” screeds? Meth addicts and Manic depressives.

        And Donkey’s too heavy to be doing meth.

    • She doesn’t have any structure in her life and she never has (or at least she hasn’t since high school). I know whenever I allow my sleep schedule to slip (which I have the opportunity to do more often than most, since I’m in grad school), I get a little crazy and depressed from sleeping too much (like 2 am-noon; I never stay up until FOUR-THIRTY unless I’m drunk and having fun), not getting enough sunlight, and not having normal interactions with people due to weird sleeping hours. She’s been living like this for YEARS, clearly spending most of her days lying in bed all day on her laptop, never expending enough energy to actually get tired or sleeping deeply enough to actually refresh herself. Normal people relish sleeping in once in a while (weekends, hard-earned vacations), but tend to appreciate the fact being awake and mobile DURING THE DAY is a huge part of being a functional adult– that’s why night-shift work pays so high.

      I don’t doubt she has other mental health issues, but this sleep thing is definitely not helping. She lives like a college freshman on winter break, but all the time.

  17. JP!!!111 Great first post.

    Just found this:

    http://blogs.forbes.com/jeffbercovici/2011/01/31/tribunes-new-tech-columnist-julia-allison-yes-that-julia-allison/

    “you might be surprised by the 29-year-old’s latest gig: Starting March 1, she’ll be writing a weekly column on social media and digital communications for Tribune Media Services, the newspaper-and-TV chain’s syndication arm. Called “Social Studies,” it will cover topics from Twitter etiquette to cyberbullying to Facebook envy syndrome.

    It turns out that Allison has for some time now been making good on her hard-won microfame (and her 22,000 Twitter followers) by establishing herself as a credible commentator on technology and internet culture, the kind who gets invited to speak about “personal branding,” her area of unchallenged expertise, at conferences, corporate events and the occasional university. “The ironic thing is that, as you’ll see from my first column, this is the most logical job in the world for me,” she says. “I’ve written columns for years, and I’ve been obsessed with technology and social media the entire time. So to combine them — it’s pretty much my dream job.” (Microsoft and Sony would buy that: They’ve put her in ad campaigns for Bing and the Vaio, respectively.)

    It’s a far cry from swanning down red carpets every night, but those days are over, swears Allison. “I haven’t left sweatpants in three weeks getting this column launched,” she says.

    Well, at least she hadn’t until this past weekend, when she headed down to Pensacola to see her boyfriend, Jack McCain, get his pilot’s wings. That’s McCain as in the 2008 presidential candidate, Jack’s father. Some things don’t change.”

    Burrrrrnnnnnnn.

    • “I haven’t left sweatpants in three weeks getting this column launched”

      WHY is she so obsessed with talking about her sweatpants? As if wearing dirty, smelly Juicy pants somehow makes you work harder?

      • Yes. Her random asides about personal hygiene are so disturbing. I think she assumes she’s being funny or relatable, but when you literally see her wearing the same red sweatpants for five days in a row (last Christmas) you begin to wonder. Especially when she reveals that her shoes look like this:
        http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/519276640

      • “WHY is she so obsessed with talking about her sweatpants? As if wearing dirty, smelly Juicy pants somehow makes you work harder?”

        Because she believes she’s actually quite disgusting if she doesn’t spend the time and effort to put on her fake hair, fake eyelashes, face paint, tit cutlets, spanx, whorishly tight clothes and twist her body into an imaginary fashion editorial pretzel.

        How about feeling comfortable with yourself without all the fakeness and contortions Julia?

    • LOL:

      “juliaallison: The big news! RT @ForbesLife: Tribune syndicate’s new tech columnist: Why, it’s your old friend Julia Allison! bit.ly/hTXG94”

      She just tweeted this as if it’s an announcement of her new column. Um, no sweetie. That’s not how it works. Did you read his post? Did you see the part at the end where he got that dig in? Yeah. That’s not the ‘big news’ announcement you were looking for.

      I’d say wait for the actual announcement from Tribune Media Services. Or, until someone else posts something a little more *flattering* to twat about it.

      • I actually think she is probably quite thrilled by that ending. She defines herself by her relationships, and by all accounts, this is her OMG MOST FAMOUS EVAH partner (by family association anyway).

        Unless of course Pancakes is like, I’m outta here!

        Heh.

    • Just like a broken clock is right twice a day, (but not of its own volition &/or intentionally), Julia Allison for once utters a grain of truth:
      “I haven’t left sweatpants in three weeks”

      #Jabon Leche de Burra
      (Git you some of dat, Donkey!)

    • Those interns must have been working overtime as her “publicist” getting the word out there about the ~*column*~. Although, given the MA photo shoot debacle, I assume even the interns don’t exist anymore. JP, consider yourself rehired!

  18. “Syndicated tech columnist”

    WHERE DOES THIS HOOFED BEAST GET OFF SAYING SHE IS “IN” TECH.

    This dingbat can’t even do the most basic maintenance on her own sight. She’s a fake founder who’s “business” devolved into a low traffic blog.

    HEY, JULIA WHO NEVER READS HERE, making your entire life’s goal to suction your green skin tagged clam dungeon onto the wang of a wealthy tech founder doesn’t mean you’re IN tech. It means they’re in you, but only until Lilly starts barking like shit.

    • But she’s obsessed with technology! That makes it legit!

      Now, how do I find out if my flight is on time? Can I use my iPhone for that? Anyone? Email me!!

      • Never mind, my email is broken and I don’t know how to fix it. So please fax it to me!!! BTW, how do you fix broken email, bunnies?

      • Wake up call: I am obsessed with Disney World, but that does not make me qualified to run the place. Or be a travel agent. Or write books about it.

        Seriously. So she uses facebook. Why does that mean she is an expert?!

    • Yes. Yet the “unabashed fangirl” doesn’t even know how to set up her own hosting or shrink a friggin PDF.

      She’s a groupie at best.

      • She prefers the name tech patch, rather than groupie… She got the idea from penny lane’s band-aids

    • It really is. For a moment, put aside all of the other hideousness that is A Donkey’s Life and imagine what it must be like to be a first-time reader. Her work is going to be held up as an example of what not to do in every writing class from 6th grade through graduate school.

      Actually, no. It will be ignored and forgotten about. I feel sorry for her editor, though.

    • And starting March 1, she’s obligated to churn out a column a week. I don’t see this gig lasting long at all for this lazy donkey.

      • What the going bet that she’ll use “i couldn’t help but wonder….” in her first column.

        She’s so Carrie! Tech Carrie!

      • She’s the most unoriginal writer on the planet. How will she even come up with topics, much less write about them, every week?

        • Considering her lazy ass tweeting/quote farming lately, we can already assume she’s writing about social media for babies and also “netiquette” … because it’s 2002.

      • but once she’s fired, she’ll be able to milk the title of “Tribune Columnist” until 2015, at least!

    • I wanna kick a wall when I read her writing. Seriously. Nails on chalkboard level annoying. She sucks so hard at writing. It’s awful.

  19. You know what I just realized? Donk’s writing has always been worse that that of a precocious grade schooler, but at one point it was kind of stylistically au courant. Now, her writing is shitty AND her style is dated.

    What an expired hack. You should just get daddy to give you a secretarial job in his office, you OLD, very old hack.

  20. Just have to say, it fills my heart with joy to know how positively PISSED she must be that we’re back in business and better than ever. In yo’ (busted, lumpy) face, donk!

  21. Monday morning shocks. First(ly), John Barry dies. Second(ly), Julia’s A game tech content for the Trib is her fucking blerg? Already full of blatant lies re: Pancakes and other assorted bits of bidnezz lady bidnezz? Did anyone in charge realize that the liecast in question is written by someone who is culturally illiterate and incapable of contextualizing her deep thoughts in terms of the social fabric? Oh, and fuck Peter Baugher! How dare that creepy shyster send a C&D letter to anyone when his daughter is now using what was once a major newspaper fallen on hard times to promote her NPD blog and burro show! Open season, baby.

    • My mistake! Just a new (old) NS mission statement revamped with inaccuracies at 4:30 in the morning. I thought Monday and thought Trib launch. Sure the smart titled “Social Studies” will put Julie in league with Sherry Turkle.

  22. Also, wouldn’t you be EMBARRASSED to publicly claiming to be in love with two people — almost three, you know she was heading there with Greasy until Jack miraculously took the bait — in less than a year?

    First Prom King, then almost-Greasy, now McCain? In 10 months?

    I’d be mortified to be Tweeting/blogging that shit. No pride, no class, no humility. She is off her nut.

    • Don’t forget the LOVE OF HER LIFE ex from years ago whom she stalked in the recent past once she learned of his upcoming nuptials …

      He was, & always will be, the LOVE OF HER LIFE!

      • Right, that was in May, her “love of my life” psycho e-mail.

        So in less than one year: Prom King, redoubling efforts to get back “the one that got away,” Greasy, and now McCain.

        So totally normal, bunnies! She’s the normal, emotionally healthy Julia that she is today.

        RUN, PANCAKES, RUN

    • The JA in my life claimed to be inconsolably heartbroken one January when he gave up the “love of his life” rather than be cut off financially by his parents. That September he married another woman and moved her into mommy and daddy’s house. He claimed (and seemed to believe that) other people were making up lies about his past just to hurt him when they questioned this turn of events. These nut bags never change because they are not capable of change.

  23. Here is the press release:
    http://corporate.tribune.com/pressroom/?p=2753

    My favorite part (emphasis mine):
    “Julia has been a columnist, TV show host and emerging-media expert for the last six years,” said Mary Elson, TMS managing editor. “We’re pleased to combine these talents in our first effort to cover social media and its impact on our culture. Julia is a bright, smart writer with a sense of humor and an ever-growing following as a talent, speaker and personality in the social media and digital worlds. She attracts attention and followers and will enliven debate as communications technology continues to evolve.”

      • I subscribe to my city’s paper and if they run her column, I won’t be subscribing anymore. They’re part of the Tribute group, so I guess there’s a chance, but I really like scanning the news in paper form on the way to work or on the couch on Sundays. So hopefully I won’t be forced to cancel. :-/

      • Wow those articles are SO BAD. The Tribune will have no idea what hit them once their readers bear witness to her stupidity.

      • God, these articles are terrible.

        From the “Netiquette 101” article: “At the very least, I’m hoping you think twice before hitting that “post” button after midnight”… or 4:30 am, Julia.

        It looks like she has all her articles written up through March 15th. Such an over-achiever, guys!

        • Oh god, it’s gonna be this same crap again? Julia Allison gives etiquette advice about “texting” or whatever, because she is the worst person on earth to give advice, and no one cares. Ugh.

  24. This woman just never stops. It is truly remarkable to behold.
    All I know is I’m running every.single.one. of her columns through Turn-it-in. Jules, better make sure momser writes some original stuff this time bc we’ll be watching!!

    • Ah, yeah. Especially with that “netiquette” column on CNN. This smells conveniently similar…

  25. @Social Studies: What are your thoughts on Social Studies? Anything you just NEED to know about all things tech and social media? Live chat coming soon!

    • I’m guessing if the articles are all in pdf format, that keeps her from having to deal with all those icky, uncontrolled comments pouring in.

    • Wow, these are awful.

      Re: the baby tweeting – no mention of the sensitivities around putting your children’s lives on the internet before they have a say in the matter?

      • Or providing material for pedophiles with putting your young kids’ lives (and locations/schools/friends) online.

        To say nothing of screwing up your kids’ social life/personality by either a) letting them post online from a young age or b) having to become an overly controlling cyber-sleuth or censoring your kids’ online content.

        To me, it seems like a lose-lose situation. What good can come from starting your kid a social networking page? Seriously.

        • I can see her response:

          “These columns are light-hearted and fun! HAHAHA! They are not meant to be taken seriously. You are free to go read something else, darling!”

          • What she doesn’t get it people are paying money for a publication that is choosing to publish inane drivel. She just DOES NOT CARE about providing insightful commentary, she just wants a job to reflect her glory. She only cares about herself.

          • I subscribe to the Baltimore Sun, part of the Tribune group. I won’t be subscribing if they add this fluff to the paper. As it is, 2/3 of the paper is “fluff”, but I need something to read on way to work, since my WSJ always arrives after I’ve already left and the MD Daily Record is delivered to work. I’ll definitely cancel if I ever see a column by JaBa. I’d def have a strongly neg reaction. It would be a shame if ppl canceled, bc paying subscriptions are way down and other (serious) journalists shouldn’t have to bear the burden of WORKING WITH A DONKEY.

  26. Presented without comment:

    Seriously, @JuliaAllison? A @ChicagoTribune column? When you’re done with that, there’s some brass on the Titanic that needs polishing.
    34 seconds ago

  27. wait, what? homegirl has SEVEN blogs? four on tumblr and three on movable type? donkey say what? and three twitter handles? the third one being…?

  28. I still can’t believe she changed the link on her old post to link to Pancakes. It’s so insanely circular. “Here, new reader — read about my past — except, don’t — instead, read about my carefully *edited* past that conveniently actually links to my carefully brag-worthy present. Oh, hi Cindy!!”

    AWFUL. AWFUL. AWFUL.

  29. “… tagged myself in more than 1,800 Facebook photos”

    That, to me, is very telling. Because why the fuck would you tag yourself in pictures? I never understood that. If my friend puts a picture up and tags me in it, that’s great. If not, who gives a shit? And honestly, I’d rather NOT be tagged. So naturally the narcissistic JA goes through and tags herself. Jesus.

    Her writing pisses me off with her attempts to sound smart. Fuck off, donkey.

    • I know how lame it is to reply to my own post but I’m reading her articles and I don’t even have the words.

      “Do not leave voicemails for your children. They do not like your voicemails. They will not listen to your voicemails. It does not matter how many voicemails you leave. Voicemail is out, grandpa. Text your kids. They’ll still ignore you, but at least you’ll know they read it.”

      I’d kill for my grandma to be able to call and leave me a voicemail, tool. My grandparents live over on the other side of the world and it costs them $$$$ to call me, so they don’t. I call them. And she ignores them? What a fucking bitch. I don’t usually get brayge from her twatter but I just can’t help it.

      • Didn’t she post recently how much she loves getting weekly voicemails from Dadsers? And then crowdsource a way to record them for posterity?

      • She doesn’t get it. Grandparents aren’t there for YOU to tell THEM how to behave or how to address you.

        Most people would kill to have grandparents still living. I know I’d do anything to have any of my grandparents back. I’d call them, not have them call me.

      • I tag myself* too, but here’s why: among friends, we’ve agreed not to tag each other but instead alert one another to pics where tagging is optional.

        * But only about 1/10th of the time do I tag myself.

  30. “inappropriate work attire, unsent thank-you notes” (from her ‘netiquette’ column)
    the transbraytion is, of course, “bidness lady/whore outfit and blow jobs not given”

    “There is no need to apologize or wonder aloud whose phone service is worse, or
    to discuss the lack of merits of AT&T or curse the gods who invented a 3G network that can’t actually sustain a voice conversation.”
    um, like julia has done a million times on twitter?

  31. Hello there…:) Yes, NonSociety started as a business, one that I was going to sell for millions of dollars in fuck you money. But now bunnies it is a just a fun,light, glimpse into my life. Don’t take it all so seriously! xoxo.

  32. We don’t want her in Gen X, but she is OLD for a ‘millennial’ — ha! Many people her age try and squeeze into Gen X, but not our Julie. She don’t know.

    Anyhoo! I am calling the end of social media right now! Today on January 31st 2011, Social Media jumped the shark.

    The olds have gotten their mitts all over and are now abusing it, and Julie is writing about it professionally. Sh-t is done!

    NEXT TOPIC!!

  33. OMG that dog is so cute. I want to steal Lilly and give her a good home with routine and stability and other doggie friends.

  34. Nice infomercial setup there….

    “I launched an Internet startup, published more than 150 articles in major publications, established a broadcast and online presence, spoke at universities and conferences and somehow ended up on the cover of Wired magazine in a story called “How to Get Famous on the Internet — Even if You’re Nobody.”

  35. “You are allowed to be a fan of your own gadgets, and even mention that you like them, but you are not allowed to relentlessly harass others to purchase said gadgets.”

    LOFUCKINGL

    [redacted] Air Book fiasco anyone?

  36. Wow, she really never disappoints, does she? I can’t believe what a horrible writer she is.

    The “netiquette” column is basically unreadable…there are so many parenthetical phrases it made my head spin. Is she serious with this “Dad, I’m talking to you” nonsense? It’s riotously embarrassing how bad this is.

    The babies-tweeting one cracked me up because I know that she made a half-assed attempt to find someone to denounce the practice, but obviously never followed through enough to get a quote. Nice effort! I guess that’s what happens when you let your work unfold instead of actually getting off your ass and getting things done.

    The crowning jewel is the “all about Julia” column: “I have not, however, written a book. I can’t! I’m too busy remembering all my passwords.” Tee hee!

    What a colossal dolt. With all the education you could ever ask for, every privilege you could ever want, and the services of a professional editing staff, THIS is the best she can come up with. Hilarious.

    • “With all the education you could ever ask for, every privilege you could ever want, and the services of a professional editing staff, THIS is the best she can come up with. Hilarious.”

      THIS.

      The parenthetical phrases, the overuse of em dashes, the way thoughts trail off into space – it’s awful. Truly, truly awful. It’s obvious Momsers isn’t editing/writing her work this time around and if this is the finished product after any Tribune editors read it first, then I really do feel sorry for them.

      Pretty funny that the social media pioneer can only find a career in a dead medium!

      • Well you know what they say, You can take a Donkey to the best universities on Earth, but you can’t make her learn anything.

        I’m pretty sure that’s how that saying goes.

      • Yes, absolutely.

        Her sample “columns” read like something that would run in a junior-high school newspaper… the only papers I can imagine picking up something like this would be small daily papers in rural communities who truly don’t have a clue.

  37. There are no words. She would have read those ‘columns’ through at one point and thought they were perfect for her new OMG jerb.

    It hurts to try and read that drivel. Did she expect it to be turned into something eligible by an editor? Who in their right mind (there’s your clue) would write something like that and think they were a writer. She sounds like she’s 15, and that’s insulting a 15 year old.

    • It’s the “um” that really does me in. I understand blogging and more casual speech but “um” has no place in a newspaper or a syndicated column to “over 100+” outlets. It’s not cute, it’s not endearing, it’s not colloquial, it’s just a big burning “F-you” to anyone who has ever studied the craft of writing. I barely let a student get away with “um” if it is in dialogue in a fiction piece, never mind treating it as if it’s an actual part of speech.

      • THIS. I get it; the Trib (and a lot of “old media”) are searching for ways to stay relevant, and ole Julesie does, for better or for worse, provoke commentary — any clicks are better than no clicks at all. But what will they do with critiques of her logic, rhetoric, &c., in the comments? How much is too much — when does the halo of her mediocrity begin to dilute the brand’s power?

        Well, she’ll always have her Pulitzer. (Lilly Pulitzer pen, journalism accolades, who’s counting?)

  38. The lede of her “Netiquette” column is just awful.

    I really don’t even want to ready the rest of it.

    The Tribune REALLY needs to do some more research on this whore to see if she’s the kind of trash they want representing them.

    It really shows the sorry state of the once-great Tribune that they let Hoofey McPlagiarism, AKA Julia Allison, barf that onto their pages.

    THAT’S RIGHT JULIA ALLISON BAUGHER WHO NEVER READS HERE: YOU ARE A PLAGIARIZER!

  39. “But sometimes it’s links to articles I like or to videos I think you might enjoy, a quote which inspires me, a song I want you to hear, or a beautiful photograph I’d love for you to see. And sometimes I just post about really cute shoes.”

    How fuck? Since when does she EVER, like ever, provide links to content anyone would actually want to see? Anything she posts is banal and shit everyone’s already seen 10,000 times.

    Just stop, donkey. Don’t pretend you have taste.

  40. rebloggingdonk.com is the most entertaining thing about Julia Allison. She should just link to this.

  41. “At the end of the day, I hope something I posted allows you to laugh, causes you to think, or just makes you smile.

    Thank you for visiting.

    🙂
    julia”

    Is she 12 years old? Is she incapable of writing anything that isn’t trite and full of cliche? Also, that fucking smiley always gives me the rages.

  42. bwahahahahahahahahhhaaaaa…..

    Just showed Donk’s Social Studies page to a friend who works as a managing editor at the LA Times.

    She said that is basically how the Trib will sell her column. When it’s available (start date) and when pubs can have new content (weekly)…it’s all right there in the info listed under the busted Donkey.

    Now, wait and see how many newspapers will pick this up. You see, they will be listed there as they pick up the steaming mess of donkey dung. She said that page and those sample columns can stay up there for year. Within a few months, the Donkey and the Trib could just cut their losses and kill it off.

    She attempted to read the Netiquette 101 column, but couldn’t get through the first paragraph.

    • So this is all digital right? She’s not going to be in the physical Tribune? Does she get paid by how many papers pick it up?

      • She will not be in the Trib at all, but other newspapers can pick up her column (air quotes implied) for their print editions.

    • So as I am reading this, she doesn’t have a column at all. Just a “potential” column. And really, who is going to buy that crap? The columns don’t seem to have any real content.

  43. From Julie’s comments:

    “So you wrote the post last May? But your falling in love again link takes us to Jack. Pretty sure you weren’t dating him in May. Your readers notice things like this. You want them to trust you. Why can’t you just be honest and not edit history. Pretty sure that link use to go to Prom King.”

    Her reply:

    “It was just supposed to be cute and funny … It didn’t have a link before 😉 I’m not trying to “lie” – it was like a hidden “Easter egg.”

    She is such a fucking liar. She wrote this last March, and that link WAS about Prom King. I’m surprised she is even approving these comments on her blergh. Did she really think her *readers* are so stupid that they wouldn’t remember? Or does she just not give a fuck. What a fucking psycho.

    And what does ‘it was like a hidden “Easter egg” EVEN MEAN? It doesn’t mean ANYTHING. How much did Dadsers have to fucking pay to get you this new gig??!!

    • And also, this:

      Charla: “If this was written in May why does it link to a post from only a few days ago? (“finally fell in love again” links to Jan 29.) I’m confused.”

      Julia: “I just thought it would be cute to add that. ;)”

      I cannot stand her little winky faces…she uses them all the time. I would love to know how she got this job, too, Dr. Gary. She sure as hell didn’t get it on talent. For whatever reason, it was handed to her on a silver platter…just like everything else in her life.

      • See above.

        It’s not a job. It’s a potential job.

        Just because a Donkey says something is happening does not make it reality.

    • An Easter Egg is a little treat hidden in a program by the programmers. It’s usually triggered by something the user does. It started out being something like a list of the actual programmers names, since they are rarely credited, but it can also just be a cool little screen display or a joke of some kind.

      A link to a sappy picture hardly qualifies as an Easter Egg, especially when it doesn’t make any sense in the context of the piece. Donks was just trying to sound techie and cover up her lie. She was trying to imply that she and Pancakes had been an item since May. What crap.

      Don’t take it so seriously, it’s an Easter Egg. She is so good at sweeping her lies under the nearest carpet hoping everyone will just forget about them.

      • Donkey’s a dumbfuck to equate an underlined link to an Easter Egg. Easter Eggs are comparable to the Playboy Bunny emblem hidden on the cover of every issue of Playboy … they’re there, but not in plain sight … you have to …

        … *wait for it …*

        HUNT FOR THEM!

      • Yes, like the time I played a video game for 12 hours straight and a dialog box popped up saying, You must really like this game!
        (Embarrassing)

        And a ‘hidden’ Easter Egg – redundant much?

      • And an Easter Egg is something the user would enjoy. I left my Kings of Leon CD playing after the last track while gardening last year, and after a few minutes of silence an uncredited song played.

      • Good find!

        When you click on the non-cached link, then click the link on the last ‘dated’ here: ‘dated and liked, dated, dated’? You get this:

        http://julia.nonsociety.com/search/codenametk

        If she figures out how to delete that, here is a screengrab:

        http://i53.tinypic.com/2008ab4.jpg

        And I could have SWORN that ‘finally fell in love again’ used to have a link to Prom King. She wrote this right after last year’s bday cray, when he dumped her ass.

        But even if that link wasn’t there? She is still a liar.

        • LOL

          “There was a REASON I gave CodeNameTK a code name (and I will give all guys code names until the day I’m married) and it was to protect him.”

          Donkey has been bellowing & braying & tweeting & blahhgging Jack McCain’s name for what, more than six+ weeks now?

        • Trend? WHAT trend? You mean Donkey’s trend of stringing along numerous guys when Xmas, NYE, Valentines Day & her birthcray are all right around the corner?

          “I’m at a very weird stage with a few guys right now – Prom King, Hipster Lawyer & Wild Card…”

          Of course you are, Donkey.

          p.s.
          Slut

          • “The point of the post is to say this: I’m at a very weird stage with a few guys right now – Prom King, Hipster Lawyer & Wild Card (definitely not the nickname my girl friends & I call him, but that one isn’t suitable for public consumption). I’m under five dates with each of them, which is V. Early Stage. But at least one reads this site and another definitely checks my Twitter … well, you can imagine how odd this whole thing is.

            It’s enough to make me not want to discuss my dating life, AT ALL.”

            Um. She is a gross slut. The way she overlaps guys is straight up nasty.

  44. I haven’t even read this post yet but I squealed out loud with absolute glee when I saw the author. YAAYAAYAYAYA.

    Okay reading now.

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