United Airlines, Don’t You Know Who She IS?? She Almost Had a Reality Show, And She Is Almost Married to a McCain!!!


NONE of this was weather related. @UnitedAirlines, I took over 50 flights last year. I tried to book them on your airline. In sum, you suck. 2 minutes ago via Echofon

Today I get to the airport and find that my return flight is delayed 4 hrs. – it hadn’t even arrived. FIVE HOURS LATER, I’m on the flight. 5 minutes ago via Echofon

That 1st connecting flight left 2 hrs late & the 2nd leg? An hour late. Total travel time for a 2 hr flight? 13 hours. #United 8 minutes ago via Echofon

Dear United Airlines, on Thurs, you delayed my flight 4x – 5 hours total, finally canceling it, rebooking me on a connecting (then delayed). 9 minutes ago via Echofon

At the Pensacola airport trying to get back to Chicago, but my flight is three hours delayed. Of course it is. I think this route is cursed.


  1. Firstly, hahahahahahahaha, it serves her right for her perpetual smug bratdom.

    Secondly, Dear Julia, this is why normal, healthy people don’t PERPETUALLY have boyfriends that live in different states. In fact Julia, research shows that relationships are mainly founded on physical proximity. You’re welcome.

    PS: Seeing as you don’t pay for your own flights you have no right to complain.
    PPS: Stop dragging that poor dog all over the country.

    • This.

      I can’t think of anyone who WANTS to have a long-distance relationship. I travel a bit, and when I meet an attractive and appealing man in a different city? I think, “Well, if I ever move here I’ll look him up.” In addition to the other over 100+ character defects Julia Allison has, I think this pathological tendency to enter into relationships with men who are geographically unavailable has to be one of the most baffling.

      • It’s the only way she can possibly sustain interest long enough to get in a relationship in the first place. A local guy would catch onto the craziness and peace out much sooner than these long distance guys.

        • Exactly. Relationships are founded on physical proximity as long as you are a normally constituted person who is actually capable of having a relationship.

          With Donkey, being as fucking far as she can from her significant other is absofuckinglutely essential to the life of any of her relationships.

      • Also, maybe a ‘relationship’ for her is a bootay call for him? Because yeah, no one sets out looking for long distance. This is a pattern with her and it’s nutso. And it is why these guys are banging her.

      • If you were Julia Allison, you’d want to spend the least amount of time with a guy possible. She must know at this point this is the only chance she has to get a ring.

        • Long distance = minimum amount of relationship responsibilities (i.e., being a sane, considerate, pleasant person) but she still gets to claim full ownership. And super bonus, there’s built-in emotional drama; perfect for histrionics! Tearful goodbyes, provocative text messages, rambling emails, strategic and carefully staged Skype encounters.
          Someday reality catches up and it tends to test core values and healthy life balance rather severely; there’s a lot more mundane and a lot less spectacle in real-time 24-hours spent in close proximity with someone. The minutes stretch into hours, the days stretch into weeks, and the circumstantial intensity and pefection of the “calculated presentation” are not sustainable.
          Will either of them notice that, as Jacy has said in the past, there’s no “there” there? Somehow I doubt it. Not if there are cameras handy. As there always are! They can fill-in any threat of emptiness by orchestrating endless “candid” photoshoots of each other, destined for center-stage on JABa’s vanity blog. That’s the only life the counts, right? The “appearance”, not the reality.
          It’s the destructive hypocracy of the 50s/60s all over again. Woo hoo. Progress. Your future children won’t thank you for that Generation Y, Z, or whatever JABa claims you all are now.

          I can’t help but wonder how JABa is going to contort herself around her official job at the Trib of instructing the olds on how the internet works (it’s easy, ask people to Google things for you!!) while she tries to be provocative and all youth-y in her belief that noone over 20 — or whatever she said the cut-off age was — should even have a blog! (When she railed on about how inappropriate it was that [redacted’s] mother was posting online too! The horror! )

  2. She’s working up to her hoof-stomping rage tomorrow at the Trib. Look out Melissa Harris, donkey’s coming home and she isn’t happy!

    I can just see her sitting in the airport getting caught up on the news (reading here) and finding out about that article. Or, seeing that it’s page one now on donk’s google results. No doubt Ms Harris’s inbox is overflowing.

  3. Oh. Em. Gee. I have been reading these with increasing frustration. You took more than fifty flights? Awesome, lady. Congrats. If you don’t like United, take it elsewhere. Speak with your dollars, not your stupid, foot-stomping, pelt-pulling, ineffective tweets. There are plenty of airlines that would love your business. Like the one that plays your terrible segments on the back of its seats. (Do they still? Or have they refreshed? I last took a JetBlue flight in July.)

  4. Dear idiot Donkey: since you’re such a tech wiz, you should know this but there is an iPhone app called FlightTracker, you fucking yam bag. Those of us who travel regularly AND have a brain, ALWAYS check FlightTracker before leaving for the airport.

    p.s. – you will never, EVER marry this dude. Ever. I’m willing to give you 5-1 odds on $1000 right now.

    • Yam bag. Classic.

      This is what I didn’t understand about the latest shit-fit. You can also get flight status updates texted to your phone. I travel all the time, and it’s rare that I end up sitting in an airport for hours due to a flight delay unless it’s weather-related. If it’s two hours delayed, I get a text and I don’t leave for the airport.

      Also — her BF didn’t come back to take Donk and Lilly out for lunch or something when the flight’s delayed four hours? All righty then.

      So tech-savvy! Great hire, Tribune!

      • Exactly. These are 5 hours in tiny Pensacola that she is hanging by herself whilst Jack is NOT hanging around with her ass.

        5 hours after she cried and annoyed him and he was like, meh. Whatevs.

        Can you fucking imagine??? Who doesn’t call and check flights status / have the app / have the BF wait with them for f sake??? (0n a Sunday no less!)

        What a mess.

        • Worse Case Scenario?

          Donkey DID find out in advance about a flight delay & FlapJack said: “Too bad, so sad, I’m taking your raft-ass to the airport NOW.”

          Bring on the tears …

          • That’s kind of what i am thinking. It also CONFIRMS he dropped her ass off curbside / does not give a shit.

            Mr. Whiskers always brings me in and helps me check in. At that point you find out if your flight is on time.

            There is no way if Mr. Whiskers did not have an elsewhere to be like work, he would leave my ass at the airport for hours unattended, and we have been together 6 years (not the first stages of OMG True Love).

            This is why bitch deleted all her rage-Twats. Her relationship fail was showing.

          • I dunno, Flapjacks dropping her off at the terminal and not returning to the airport to babysit her through the delay seems normal to me rather than callous. He also had his parents in town to look after, and presumable other festivities to attend with his fellow graduates (wingmen?) If she were his only guest and he had no other plans that day, that’d be one thing, but that’s not what this thing is.

            This should not be read as me thinking that Flapjack regards this relationship with any degree of commitment. If I were leaving the country for three years, I would definitely not be of a mind to couple with someone who wouldn’t be making the journey with me.

    • From one non-tech frequent flier to another:


      Seriously. Best money I’ve ever spent.

      • Shhhhh, don’t tell her! I’ve used the free version of TripIt for years. I hate seeing my favorite stuff on the Donkeyroll.

  5. OT, but have you noticed how few comments Donkey gets on her “lifecast”? Most of her posts have no comments.

    • There are about 100 comments here for every comment on her liecast. And the comments here indisputably win in quality, too.

    • Especially after braying about her “Big News!” She’s got five or six people (strangers) who told her congratulations, and that’s it.

    • Bingo. Normal folks would just grin and bear it. Or, normal relationships would have bad her ring her bf for “hey baby, good news, delayed … How about it, one more round?” And a normal male would’ve grabbed the keys and flown out the door.

      Julia, julia, julia… HE DOES NOT ENJOY SEX WITH YOU.

    • Twitter bothers the shit out of me, and she really just encapsulates why. Put your fucking phone down for 5 minutes, you incredible asshole. Every thought you have is not twatter worthy. In fact, pretty much none of them are.

      God, I can’t take it. She’s such a manic lunatic.

    • And her complaining is especially rude since I’m assuming she didn’t pay for the ticket! Yes, I know waiting at an airport for hours sucks, but who the fuck complains in a public forum when their ticket is a gift?!

      • A confirmed shillster/grifter hoping to whinge some travel certificates or something of value out of United, that’s who.

    • She probably read about Dooce’s getting an apology/new washing machine out of Maytag after Dooce tweeted about her defective washer, and fancies that the Julie Albertson name has the same pull.

  6. The free airline tickets were a nice gesture, but flying commercial is just not going to cut it anymore, Jack!

  7. Oh good lord, what a whiny baby.

    My dad is a United pilot. He happens to fly mainly between NY, LA, SF and Chicago. I’m going to tell him that if this donkey is ever on his plane, he should do whatever it takes to delay that flight as much as possible.

    • Even better, try to kick her off the flight for being an unruly passenger. Surely she’ll do SOMETHING before takeoff with which the flight attendants can take issue.

    • If he can’t delay multiple people at your behest, can he at least send a flight attendant into the cargo hold w/ a handwritten C&D for our entitled burra?

    • In my dreams he would make an announcement like “Attention passengers: I’ve just received word that there is a donkey attempting to travel in the cabin. All animals too large to fit under the seat must be placed in the cargo hold.”

  8. I love how her “wonderful boyfriend” dumped her ass at the curb and didn’t even bother to park, help with her bags, or have a real goodbye.

    Donkey, he doesn’t give a shit about you. Smart guy.

    • Didn’t McFlappy say something like, “I’m used to goodbyes…goodbyes are easy for me…” or some such NonSense whilst Our Donk was hearing the ending credits to An Officer and a Gentleman in her head and weeping, always weeping?

      • “I’m used to goodbyes” = “this isn’t that hard for me”

        Womp womp womp. Poor, sad, crying donkey. Boyfriend just doesn’t seem that into you, love.

    • She is so fucking psycho to be pulling this tearful goodbye shit already. She doesn’t even know enough not to bray about it on Twitter!

      That’s assuming it’s true. NPD sufferers love their sham emotion and sympathy cultivation.

      • That’s the thing.

        1) The photo w/ Lilly (sic) in the car: so emasculating for some dude bro you are banging.

        2) No real goodbye.

        3) Tears at goodbye (Lame) (i know i admitted to crying at the airport w. Mr Whiskers, but we have been together for 6 years and i think i am going to die every time i go on a plane (klonopin is helping with that now)).

        4) When i do this funny crying, i start laughing and kiss and smile and say, bye, see you soon. I also do not tell 20,000+ people about it. (or mention Mr Whiskers really ever on any social media platform, as he hates that shit).

        5) Fapjacks is not in this for the long haul. Dude is fucking 24 years old! Julie is 39 and on the brink of expiration. What does he thing she is doing???

        In short: HAHAHAHAHA!!!

        • Please, this. This is what I want to know. Is she really that demented that she thinks she’s gonna get an engagement out of this? He’s like 12 years old, and fabulously wealthy.

          But I also think there is something very twisted and wrong with him dating her to begin with, so maybe he’s completely mental and it will happen. Because he’s very off if he’s even spending time with her. I mean, look at her. Look at how she acts. Why.

          • I think rebound???

            Maybe he just ended a serious LTR and is fucking the most inappropriate loon he can to erase the real thing?

            Or, you know, Julie is in a beard situation…

            Or he just wants to get his fuck on with an old granny before he shoves off.

            I say this from the late 30s, she looks like she is a worse for wear version of one of us. Ha!

        • #1 is enough for any man. It’s humiliating. For Kate Beckinsale it’s tolerable, for Donkey it’s “Get the hell out, now, out, out!!!” I finally beat #3 with scotch, but flights like tonight always cause me to drink doubles.

          I bet this was the last weekend that Donkey ever spends with Jack.

          • You’re kidding, right? If you know a man who has a problem being in the same photograph as a small dog, he does have masculinity issues, but not the ones you’re thinking of.

          • Well, i will say this, i brought an animal to my relationship that is a pain in the ass, my man does his best.

            From what we hear, Lilly (sic) barks her face off when Julie is getting banged. I imagine like her owner, Lilly (sic) is fucking annoying to be around for some rando dick.

            That was my point — not the kind of dog she is. It is probably hella annoying having a slampiece with a lapdog she brings on fuck weekends.

          • I agree that Lilly is probably annoying to be around. Anxiety probably makes her noisy and lack of proper exercise probably means she runs in circles and bounces off the walls to burn off extra energy when she’s inside.

            Jaba could mitigate all these tendencies by giving her a regular routine – but that would mean exercise every day and minimal travel, so fat chance. Why treat your dog like a living being with special needs for care when you can have her in fauxtos with OMG PANCAKES MCKANE???

            I can just imagine John Sr.’s reaction the first time Lilly got underfoot…

  9. She must have read that NYT piece about customers tweeting their airlines. I hope they send her luggage to Guam.

  10. Holy fuck. Does she read here or what?!?!
    From her twitter “… – deleted my petulant “air travel delays suck” tweets because honestly? Life is too short – all that matters is I am home.”

    First, well done Julesie, you are learning. I can say without snark or double meaning, good for you.

    Snark? So. Proud. So. BLESSD.

      • Meh, I am not as forgiving….no less than 8 tweets today and 5 last Thursday bitching about her flights. She can delete them all she wants, but her FriendFeed nevar forgets. For as much as she flies, she’s doing it wrong. I think she should just stop twatting about it. It’s winter and there are delays and like someone said previously, get an app on your phone Ms Tech Mavin, that tells you ahead of time when your flight is delayed so that you are not waiting around the airport after your BF pulls a brody into the sidewalk while opening your door and burning rubber as he speeds off to get away from you. GAH!

    • More likely Donkey was informed that United Airlines not only has corp hdqtrs & major hub in Chicago but is also a primo ad revenue acct for Chicago Tribune & that she needs to Cease & Desist The Fuck Up riiiight nowwww.

    • life may be too short… but when you’re an unemployed donkey with nothing but time on your hands, well, the bitchy tweets will fly!

  11. Okay, she deleted her ugly tantrum but the fact is, she was enraged. That seems so off to me. She just spent a supposedly spectacular weekend with her new love, and if everything had gone as well as she made it seem, she should be in a fantastic mood, on cloud nine, not hate-tweeting United Airlines.

    • If you’re head over heels in love, yet tweeting over and over and over about the inconveniences involved in returning from a trip to see him…. you’re not head over heels in love. You’re a lying, braying DONK.

    • And… not to mention that she called the trip route “cursed.” Anytime I’ve been in a LDR, I’d drive/fly over hell or high waters to see MY OMG BOYFRIEND, and no matter how awful the getting-there was, that minor inconvenience was dwarfed by actually being with the person I loved. Never ever would I have considered talking about it so negatively to him or anyone else (let alone in a public forum), because the normal hassles of travel were not. the. important. part. of the trip.

      • Right? She should have been talking about what a great weekend she had with her OMG BOYFRIEND, and how much she’s gonna miss her OMG BOYFRIEND, etc. But instead? She’s whining about delayed flights and United?

        Careful, Julie. Your golddigger is showing.

    • She deleted the enraged tweets, but then she says “all that matters is I’m home.” Really?? My catfriend lives an hour away, and when I return from visiting him, the LAST place I want to be is home! I want to be back there with him!

  12. Pardon me if this is repeated before I read all the comments. but it’s so fucking obvious she was using “SF boy” to wait out McCain/make him jealous.

    She’s disgusting.

  13. She’s endlessly bitching about flying. And then she’s soo0 sooo proud to be dating a pilot. This pisses me off. Pick a fucking point of view about traveling in the air in a flying tube with a jet strapped to it and shut the fuck up already. Can’t she just fly without complaining or easily figure out how to get upgrades like the rest of the world? Rrrrrrage.

    • Too bad she doesn’t know any pilot(s) to explain this to her, as it’s apparent our Frequent (F)liar does not understand that incoming flights (to an area where outgoing flights will be grounded) get canceled for the primary purpose of avoiding too many planes piling up in one place, therefore [1] being taken out of service & disrupting the entire industry, or [2] causing bottle-necking at over-crowded airport(s) when the all-clear is given, therefore disrupting the entire industry,.

      She’s never going to give thought further than her own muzzle as to why THINGS. HAPPEN. THAT. ARE. NOT. ABOUT. HER. AT. ALL.

        • AND by the way….it’s almost ALWAYS weather related you donkey!! Unless it’s something like a 911!! Jackass!! Just because it isn’t bad weather in Pensacola doesn’t mean YOUR flight cannot be delayed to another city where it is. You are such a joke to society! Sorry, she gives me the brayage with her 13 tweets about how the airlines are not catering to HER during the worst winter we’ve had in a few years. Petulant is correct!


  14. Never mind the million times she’s been late for her own flights and missed them.

  15. So is her alleged “column” dropping today? I mean, why else to write a post welcoming people to her “‘bits of life’ cast”? My popcorn, it is ready!

    • She’s so transparent — she’s trying to manage expectations for the Chicago Tribune readers that check out her site (“it’s just for fun, bunnies!!!”).

      BTW, I don’t want to pat myself on the back too much, but I predicted a long time ago that her new “job” would be writing a throwaway column about how technology is changing society.

      I originally predicted the column would be called “Social Media-tations, by Julia Allison” — I’m willing to bet $1,000, it won’t be too far off from that. She literally has zero imagination.

  16. So apparently NonSociety is no longer officially a business, so we have to stop making fun of her now. Now her blog is just a “hobby” and her life is none of your business, unless it is.

    • Please stop making fun of her. She founded an online scrapbook as a hobby. It’s just for fun, so don’t take it so seriously.

      But, she is a founder and a feminist and she should be taken seriously, which is why this just-for-fun hobby is featured prominently in her bio. Otherwise, you might thin she was unemployed for two years.

  17. She deleted the tweets because Cindy is following her. She probably started panicking on the plane thinking about it and deleted when it landed.

  18. Oh God she did not re: the Facebook boys:

    “I was a senior in college when Facebook came online. I got an account immediately, and a year later interviewed the founders for a magazine article oh-so-cleverly headlined “In Your FACE!”

    Clearly, I should’ve booked the next flight to Palo Alto and begged for stock options, but they struck me as arrogant. “Who do they think they are?” I thought. “They just run a little college website!”


    That really is her go-to expression of indignation and/or envy, no? And “you should be ashamed of yourself!”

    What A TOOL.

      • dudette…..

        senior year, 25, 29, 21, it’s all the same. She’s YOUNG goddammit. She’s not an olds #expiry date

    • Riiiight.

      She interviewed Zuck and his crew when? 2005?

      and, she never once mentioned this on her blerg or twitter. Not when the recent FB movie came out even. Hmmmm. Seems suspish.
      This is the kind of thing our donkey would holler from the rooftops.

      I say show us a link to said “magazine” article or it didn’t happen.

      fucking liar.

        • That reads more like a research article from ’06 than an interview from ’04 …

        • In an interview with Marketwatch, a website owned by Dow Jones, Zuckerberg, who engages frequently in up-talk (where one’s statements sound like questions) wore a shirt that said simply, “My mother thinks I’m cool.” She’s the only one, Mark.

          Get scrubbing, Donkey! Can’t be leaving disparaging comments about the big Z around if you need to renew the woo with him after Pancakes drops you.

        • Why I hate that smug, fug hack

          “Ah, Facebook. Launched to the world of Harvard (is there another?)…”

          ChiTrib, you just made my list.

    • GW was allegedly the 15th college to get Facebook….don’t know what year that would have been though. Google is not cooperating.

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