Christmas Comes Early Again and Again: Gawker Finally Pays Attention To A Fading Famewhore

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And it seems Snorty-Face there in the bad sweater even gave them a quote. And there’s a photo gallery stuffed with Jack and Julia photos, and even weirder — dare I say CREEPY? — photos of Jack walking with his father and showing off his abs while surfing, seemingly taken before Donkey knew him.

She’s back, bitches!! She’s on Gawker! People are paying attention again, even though it’s none of their business, if you haven’t noticed!!!

Do you suppose when she agreed to talk to Gawker about the romance that is no one’s business, if you haven’t noticed, that she called them “creepy” for “poaching” her Facebook?

And hey, McCain Family — welcome to Planet Donkey! Enjoy having your personal business brayed about all over the Internet until your dumb young son finally flees.

72 COMMENTS

  1. And will you look at that shamesless facebook poaching. Ryan Tate (or whatever the name) should be ashamed of himself.

  2. No mention of playing Greasy, her bestest bestie for the last 3 minutes? Interesting how the now shitty gawker ALWAYS omits the bigger, far more interesting story. Only RBNS for the truth and the LOLs, Catladies!

  3. Oh boy does her face look roughed up here. Being a year younger than her, I am so glad my face and body isn’t as dated as hers.

    Gawker, yawn. Haven’t read that site in years…. lame.

  4. ugh EW, his head is really small. Also, you know that she’s just praying that that quote ends up in their write up in The Time’s wedding section. Who the fuck says shit like that?

    • Also, I’m sure he was the “kindest” person you’ve ever met. You’re white, you’re not gay, and WASPY. Plus, he was likely drunk and trying to sleep with you.

  5. So, basically, they met, have been on two dates, live about six states away from each other, and are now boyfriend and girlfriend.

    Yep, sounds about right.

    P.S. DONKEY!

  6. I love that picture! The young son loves him mom, even though her tacky hick ways and too loud braying cackle are sometimes cringe-inducing. Also, she sometimes embarrasses him in front of his friends and classmates by gushing about how wonderful her son is. Then she takes him out for special meals to pancake chain restaurants. Sort of like a kitschy IHOP.

  7. Behind them the Triffid crouches, camouflaged in Christmas kitsch.

    “Did you just grab my ass–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!”

  8. Imagine how difficult it’ll be for Julia Allison to stalk this soon-to-be ex!

    Subsequent to Jackie Boy’s inevitable dumping of Donkey for violation of intellectual behavior, his future bangs will be mandated to sign confidentiality agreements which hold throughout the universe & in perpetuity.

  9. If we listen very quietly we can hea the fap fap fap of the donkeys manager. Try to ignore her donkey moans, you know she finds all of it soooo titillating. Word of advice to the racist dickhead: carry the condoms with you. My heart would break if you, dickhead, and your narcissistic psycho (not your mother) birthed a child.

    • The best form of birth control may be for him to see some pre-cosmetic surgery photos of Donks. Remember the ones at some function, where she stalked and apparently terrified both Clintons? Even Bill, who tends to like being around young women, looked like he wanted to bolt.

    • Also, donkey. This is just about the best that you are good for. So don’t screw it up. If he wants it up the ass you best just take it with a smile.

    • Little donkey, little donkey
      On the famewhore road
      Got to keep on plodding onwards
      With your precious raftass load.

      Been a long time, little donkey
      Through the Google’s night
      Don’t give up now, little donkey
      Forced marriage is in sight.

      Chorus
      Ring out those brays tonight
      Expiration Date! Wedding!
      Follow that star tonight
      Expiration Date! Wedding!

      Little donkey, little donkey
      Had a heavy day
      Little donkey. little donkey
      Carry other’s privacy on your way.

      Little donkey, little donkey
      On the famewhore road
      There are Gawker tools waiting for a
      Sign to bring them here.

      Do not falter, little donkey
      There’s a star ahead
      It will guide you, little donkey
      To the donkey cattle shed.

      Chorus
      Ring out those brays tonight
      Expiration Date! Wedding!
      Follow that star tonight
      Expiration Date! Wedding!

  10. Oh people, it’s just Valleywag! She is not of interest to Gawker proper. She still has a ways to go on her ‘comeback.’ Snort.

    • i am drink, and when I saw that it was just valleywag, i almost sobered up.

      but nah, i’m stuck here in the office, trying to sober up, being all jellus of JA

      you would think that the sheer rage and jealousy would sober this cat lady up (does it count that my one elderly cat acts like a dog and I married? OH YES – SUCK THAT – I AM ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES H8RS)

  11. This has probably been suggested in other comments, but I think Jack’s in it for the shits & giggles. It’s not as if he’s had anything remotely close to good models for morality in relationships. He’s getting laid, probably laughing with his friends about the cougar he’s banging, placating mommy & daddy and giving them reason to believe that he’s “growing up,” and pissing off his big sister. Just like Julia’s got her motivations for being involved in this charade, so does he.

    Oh! And then he gets to go back to Pensacola and sleep with whoever he wants as his “girlfriend” is in Chicago. Julia’s not gonna handle the long distance thing well, I’m sure, calling 3292387891 times and sending 4238789 “ohmygod whereareyou?! whatareyoudoing?! whoareyouwith?! whataren’tyoutalkingtome?!” texts. We’ll see how long the not life-casting about this relationship thing lasts then.

    • as i mentioned previously, i am drink (even though I never drink, bunnies! just on the days that end in Y), i for realz thought you just displayed his phone number with that 3292387891. and I was all like ‘no you di’int’ and then was about to go all *67 or *69 on that jank, or whatever it is.

      did I mention i was drink, and rarely ever comment here? i guess the corporate wine made me comment

      • Wow, Raspberry, a) you have a great handle, and b) I too am drink and I thought the same thing. But your use of “about to go *67 or *69 on that jank” made me think perhaps I should stop drinking, because it seems like the most perfect thing I’ve ever read.

  12. Young, dumb, and full of cum this Jack boy is.

    How long til he calls Julia crying (post breakup) saying “Well done, Julesie. Well done indeed.”

    ??????????????????????

    • My new nickname for you is omniscient. Long story. Also, it warms my heart that you and JFA buried the hatchet for the holidays and I can’t wait till you’re shanking each other again.

      • I probably deserve to get shanked by her, but I don’t deserve any praise for fighting back. Telling her to fuck off isn’t something to be proud of. My sense of humor is really fucked up and dry. It isn’t nearly as well written as RRR’s or pithy as some of you ineffable commenters. Thankfully, I am neither a comedian nor a full time RBNSGOMI blogger.

        A lot of times what I write on here is directed at the fameballs themselves, as if they read here (because we know they do). Not sure why JFA takes it personally when I riff on Julia’s wrist tattoo as “white trashy” or call Julia/Messica “fat” (clearly neither is actually fat). We know that they’re insecure, so why not bait them a little. I like imagining Julia reading these threads–I imagine her getting excited and mortified at the same time, then doing even more stupid things in her own life.

  13. I remember once I dated one of my friends brother and when it came time to enter the bone zone, I realized how much he looked like his sister and I almost poked my eyes out of my head. I couldn’t go through with it. With all this said, that dude looks waaay too much like Meghan and speaks of how far her social goes.

  14. I just noticed that McCain, Jr. kinda looks like Weird Al Yankovik (w/out the glasses and fro) in this photo..

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