Julia Allison Presents A Nuanced Analysis on New Film: Mr. Kirk Goes To Washington to Defend the Buttfuckers

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Julia Allison comes to the defense of her own ultra-liberal political ideals that go against her recent conservative leanings that she had to resort to.  She only went all Sarah Palin on your ass because it involved a theme outfit and mugging for the camera, so she just wants to remind you all that she’s a fierce advocate for the gays! Gay weddings mean more crazy ass content for her blog, amiright? So now she has put her political analyst headband on (from Henri Bendel!) to serve as Senator Kirk’s communication’s strategist, a role that apparently involves pom-poms and lying.

@juliaallison – Kirk is being held individually responsible for the expected rejection of the DADT repeal since he is taking Obama’s…

@juliaallison – …formerly-Democratic-now-Republican senate seat during the lame duck session. How exactly is this pro-gay rights? Really.

@nerdgirl2009 – I hope he can vote his conscience now that he doesn’t have to campaign every two years!

Oh, great, that’s exactly what our system needs, someone who panders to the political climate rather than doing what’s right for Americans. Thank God he’s in office for six years now! Because those Republican senators have done wonders working across the aisle and not exacerbating the partisan divide that is crippling, CRIPPLING, our democratic system. It’s so awesome that he can vote with his conscience now, even though he hasn’t had the balls to do it while serving in the House!

Does she not know how fucking stupid, and offensive and incredibly naive she is about politics right now? The gays are repeatedly thrown under the bus by both parties because of bullshit like this. But it’s OK! He’s totally going to do the right thing, except for he’s not.

Shut the fuck up, Julia! And shut the fuck up American legislative body! You can all choke on my salty jizz.

(Sorry, this DADT bullshit is PISSING ME OFF!)

P.S. I won’t comment on whether Kirk is in the closet, as some say. I don’t know enough about him to make that determination. I will say that is one gay ass dog. Is that Langdon?

1 COMMENT

  1. Did she really get a poli sci degree from Georgetown? If so, I have to say that my estimation of an American university education just plunged to a new low.

    Also, I’m sure the family friend will appreciate her saying that he hasn’t believed in what he’s voted for until now.

    • Seriously. She basically just outed him as being a self-serving opportunist who doesn’t vote according to his beliefs.

      Good job, Donkey!

      That Tweet will be deleted in no time, but I hope someone points it out to the new senator before it’s gone.

      • “She basically just outed him as being a self-serving opportunist who doesn’t vote according to his beliefs.”

        This. Does she not think before she twats out her insanity. Or is she that stupid. What? Is wrong with her?

    • Georgetown is about the 40th best undergrad school in the country. Not sure why you’d base your whole opinion of our university system of any school, but Georgetown is kind of meh. It gets attention for having a pretty good law school and for its great location within DC, but it’s no Ivy by a long stretch.

      • My whole opinion of my country’s university system isn’t based on this one thing – hence my use of “new low”. It’s not an argument I want to get into in any great detail, so I’ll just say that I know there are many excellent post-secondary academic institutions in the US…but the top 100 or so should be able to produce a poli sci grad who has a clue about poli sci. How did she get a degree in a topic she clearly knows nothing about?

      • Thanks for your thoughts, however inaccurate they may be. I received a great education at Georgetown while double majoring in English and Theology. The only bad spots occurred when I had the donks in two classes, with students as dumbfounded as their professors as to why this semi-literate, attention mongering jackass was there in the first place.

      • GL, which of my inaccurate thoughts are you addressing? I’m interested to hear how you think JA got a poli sci degree, since you clearly know Georgetown well. Thanks!

      • Jackie, I wasn’t addressing you; I was addressing Julia’s Afghani friend. All responses to Afghani appear in the same column. As for Julia’s GU degree, good question. She was monitored very closely by the dean’s office, was loathed by professors, and engaged in despicable behavior while at university, which she herself has admitted. Blow jobs were inevitable?

      • Georgetown Law, take a chill pill. I graduated from a top 5 law school and there were a number of total imbeciles there. Scoring a stellar LSAT score does not a genius make. Nor does money.

    • Pretty sure she wasn’t exactly an exemplary student, by her own and others’ accounts. It’s pretty easy to sail through a prestigious university getting mediocre/bad grades. I’m sure her GPA was terrible.

  2. I cannot wait til the gay sex scandal emerges, and you know there’s one percolating, and he’s called out for the hypocrite that he is, and Donkey will either go dead silent or rant and stomp her hooves about how UNFAIR it all is to poor Senator Kirk, who is an ineffably, undeniably amazeballz man!!! Trust her!! She knows him!!!!

    • I don’t think I’ve ever really seen Julia stick to her guns and defend anyone or anything, with exception of BPC. She has no spine, just like politicians – she blows in the wind for whatever seems “fun” or she can coordinate a costume to. Her Paris Hilton lifestyle – wantonly flying around the country for “projects” with her little dog – is beyond boring. Notice how no one talks about Paris any more – there is no there there!

  3. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Senator Kirk is being held accountable for his DADT vote because he’s sitting in on Obama’s seat during the lame duck season? TRY SENATOR KIRK HAS ALREADY VOTED AGAINST DADT’S REPEAL, MORON. What is she even TALKING ABOUT?!?!

    Someone else pointed this out earlier, but Kirk is known to be a closeted gay, whose marriage fell apart because of it. The fact that he has voted against gay marriage and for DADT?

    Just shut the fuck up, Julia, and admit that you voted for someone who has and will continue to pander not to his “conscience” but to political interests. Oh wait, you sort of just did.

    • He’s the Charlie Crist of the north. Gay, but waaayyy in the closet because holding power to him is more important than advancing basic rights. Voted against gay marriage, for DADT, and just generally pandering to bigot voters wherever possible. Indulging their “right” to view homosexuality is some affront to their American-ness. Fuck these tools.

    • Is it just me or do I smell marriage-potential here?

      Julia could be Kirk’s beard. She gets money, prestige and doesn’t have to do any of that icky sex stuff. It’s more perfect than I could ever have hoped for her.

      Go Julie! Marry him!

      • yes, this!!! and those tragic Republican cloth coats, and Red Event outfits!! And big hair with bumpits. No marriage equality because marriage is sacred and for life.

      • JP, writing for Obama could still tots happen. It’s my hope she can write with her conscience now that she doesn’t have to campaign every two months for husband material!

      • @JuLIAR: You have done the impossible — it’s a perfect happy ending. Brilliant!

        I confess that I am obsessed with the whole Lily Bart freefall narrative that is Julia Allison’s life. It has amazing narrative wherewithal. She is so utterly delusional I see no narrative possibility that any of her grand life plans will work out. She’s not talented or hardworking enough to make it in any of her chosen careers and she’s not attractive or sane enough for anyone wealthy (or anyone who isn’t completely pathetic) to want to marry her. So it’s as if you know the ending — she eventually must realize this and breakdown — but it never happens. She keeps going and going and going with no hint of how it could ever end well.

        At the same time even for someone as horrid as JA I can’t help myself but want a reasonably happy ending for her. I’ve been wracking my brain for years trying to think of a possibility.

        But you found one!

        Actually I think she is irredeemable for any sort of political life.

        But, I could see it working out as the beard for some high-profile closeted, batshit insane evangellical preacher. Once she “finds God”. The religious community is much more accepting of the “mistakes were made” attitude. I think she’d really enjoy prattling on about religion. It would really engage her strong suite of providing endless content without any originality. And she’d finally have followers!

        It just might work!

    • his marriage might have fallen apart because he is gay, but let’s not forget julie was THE MAID OF HONOR at the wedding. i’m sure the failure had something to do with her presence.

      • julie was in their wedding party?

        i’d say it was poor taste for her to then go marry kirk.. but hey, i wouldn’t put it past her and mom$er$ and dad$er$ are probably looking to get her hitched soon.

      • Julia was maid of honor at Mark Kirk’s wedding? I can’t believe she wasn’t braying all over her twatter about that.

      • Thanks fc….it’s shocking to learn about that for two reasons: 1) What self-respecting person would ask a trashy donkey to be her maid of honor? And 2) She didn’t brag about it…when has Julia NOT bragged about something? Maybe she felt it would be in bad form to do that, seeing as how the Kirks are no longer married.

      • The reason she hasn’t recently bragged about this is because it would draw attention to her insanity if a relationship with the douche is her goal.

  4. As much as I am not fond of the donk – I do hope she deletes that tweet. It comes off very rude and naive. Just a horrible statement all together to say “yay, he won so he can vote how he wants!”

  5. This Kirk thing is so dumb. I’m sure during her lunch with creepy Dadsers, he talked about how awesome it is that his friend won. Her tweet about how now he can finally change his mind if one of the worst things she could have said, and it probably came from Dadsers after she did the whole “Daddy? Why did Awecome Kirk vote for DADT? Some of my friends don’t like that!”

    In other news, I looked up that Michigan Ave rag and still don’t get it. I lived in Chicago for years and never saw it. Is it free? I love that the “celebs” are Jennifer Hudson and some Blackhawks player.

    What do they call the chicks like Jackles in Chicago again? “Trixies” or something? I’m sure she could find a following.

    • There’s a whole subgenre of crappy urban glossy mags that tout luxury goods & restaurants & services, most of which advertise with them, or which they hope to lure into the fold. There are a couple here in Houston and they suck majorly. They’re pretty much advertorial with a few floofy features tucked in.

      donks is probs wearing clothes from a Michigan Ave advertiser. Whatta coup.

      • Oh, the other thing? Most of said mags are free despite the glossy covers & paper stock. Dunno if Michigan Ave is on that model.

  6. Why is she suprised a Republican is voting against Gay rights? Repubs are block voters these days. It’s all or nothing and you better step to the party line.

  7. Guys, seriously Jack the Bulldog, Georgetown Law, and I apologize on behalf of all Hoyas that JA received a Georgetown Government degree. I’m pretty fucking tired of the Georgetown bashing though. It is a top 25 university. Just because an idiot slipped through the cracks doesn’t mean it is a terrible school or even a “meh” school.

    • Hear, hear! And of course we’re all greatly embarrassed by a donkey slipping through, but didn’t W attend Yale?

    • Obviously lots of fine, fiercely intelligent people come out of Georgetown. You guys are proof. But I don’t think it’s mean to wonder how she managed to emerge with a poli sci degree and still be so clueless about politics. Sorry if my comment about US universities in general offended you – bashing your school wasn’t my intention.

      • I read it as you were asking that question – how did SHE make it through [a good] school, and in nothing less than her OWN degree in which she’s so completely inarticulate and just plain dumb about?

        She’s obviously not that stupid. She graduated and all. But her attending GW, Jordan at Harvard…. um….. wassup top 25?!

    • I don’t see how people are even making an argument that a school sucks because one dummy graduated. So many people fumble their way through college and get a degree and they’re no smarter than when they walked it. While I’m sure that has bearing on the school in some cases, I would say so for Georgetown (and I did not go to Georgetown so this is not based upon bias).

      • wouldn’t say so*
        Ugh, late night last night coupled with a 5 am wake up time. I can’t think today.

      • that wasn’t the point.. the point was: julia has a degree in pol sci, so why is she so inarticulate about politics?

    • It’s not that she slipped through…it’s that the school let her slide time and time again. And the fact that some fellow grad has apparently deemed her worthy of publishing a column in 100+ newspapers (yet to be seen of course).

      Plenty of average people graduated from my college, but I don’t know anyone who got away with acting up in class, not turning in papers, breaking dorm rules, etc.

      • Also, prestigious schools (and I would think other schools) care a whole lot about statistics, including retention rate. I went to an OMG IVY undergrad, and no joke, had a friend transfer to the liberal arts college even though he full on failed out of the engineering school freshman year. He was flabbergasted they accepted him, but they’d rather do that then have people drop out and muck up their stats. Also, grade inflation is rampant at many good schools. I’ll guarantee she had a B average, at best. You know if she did well she’d STILL be braying about it.

      • Ding, ding, ding! I think we have a winner! Right you are JFA about Ivy and near Ivy attrition rates. Georgetown had one of the lowest in the country, as the dean’s office tended to coddle students, although i did see more than one get expelled.

  8. Seriously, bunnies, judging a school by a dirty tramp with a bachelor’s degree is silly. A bachelors means what these days? If she could actually get accepted to grad school, then judge away. Last time I checked, though, Stanford said “Um, err… NOPE!” 4 times.

      • Hugs to you, too. I went to a small state school because my Momsers and Dadsers didn’t pay (or give me small gifts of 10K). I hate when people judge schools. It’s what you make of it, not the expensive diplomas.

  9. A politician being held “personally responsible” for his actual vote on legislation before the Senate? SHOCKING! HOW UNFAIR TO HIM! Due to her political science degree, it is perfectly understandable why Donk is OUTRAGED by this injustice.

    I mean, that would be the same as holding Donk responsible for the cancellation of TMI, or the paltry amount of NonSociety traffic and revenue, or for scoring low on the GMAT, or for never posting her Davos coverage, or for getting banned from RedEye, or for licking Randi’s birthday cake, or for not giving details — as promised — on the “contract” that burdens her with the professional obligation to blog that she wailed about during that weekend chat on RBNS while stating her desire to quit the Internet since blogging has ruined all her relationships and professional opportunities!

    That would be the same as holding Donk responsible for the things she Tweets or posts online! Or the clothes she wears during photo shoots! IT’S TOTALLY, LITERALLY, UNFAIR!

  10. so, dadser’s close friend is potentially closeted. hmmms…. coudl explain the omgdowntown condo…

  11. off topic–but i am rewatching TMI weekly episodes (waiting for my catman to come home and ravish me…and downing one too many glasses of wine in the process) and my. god. in not one video is the donks even slightly tolerable. blinky, fat, flapping fuck.

    • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues

      blinky, fat, flapping fuck = new screen name thanks!

      • let us bow our heads. we will never forget Julia’s:
        Midget Wrestler Legs
        Thundercalves
        [She Are] Drink
        Delusions of Bradshaw
        Mad Yoga Skillz
        Super Saggers
        Creepy Daddy Issues

        may they continue to bring teh lulz.

  12. I am sure it’s been mentioned before, but except for a couple of lame Taylor Swift ones, all of Donkey’s favorite Tweets ARE HER OWN.

    How fuck.

    • how will you perceive her presentation of her business unless you know which of her own tweets she perceives as her favorite???!?

  13. Ok, has anyone else mentioned this?

    raywert Ray Wert
    U heard it here RT @juliaallison: @jeffjarvis – thank god! Maybe Newsweek can help Daily Beast with its content, which is Captain Weaksauce!

    Toolia burns yet ANOTHER bridge. Remember when she was intent on getting Tina Brown to let her contribute?

    And here she is fawning all over her: http://vimeo.com/3244421.

      • Why that’s just colorful writing in the patented Toolia Allison style. As she so helpfully explained to a critic who objected to her use of “perplexingly” today on Twitter, “unseasonably” is just a boring word. Nothing but interesting words for our widdle writer.

    • o fer god’s sake, Donks is just trying to horn in on the night’s big media buzz and maybe maybe omgomg get Tina to notice her. Lotsa luck with that, toolia.

      • I just woke up, and I know not who this Tina person is, but all I can think is, “TINA! Come eat your ham.”

      • SRSLY. The nodding, oh the nodding. Her inability to listen and not merely wait for her turn to talk. Stabbies.

      • Contrary to an appearance of Donkey being agreeable,
        the incessant nodding is actually her subliminal prompt.

        IE:

        “Yeah, yeah, blah blah, whatEVER!
        Shut-up so I can hear myself talk!”

    • Vid is still up, she is awkward as hell pandering to TB. So desperate, and why does her face look like that? I’m pretty sure this tweet is her cozying up to those who have chosen to print her drivel (Newsweek) against those who want nothing to do with her (Daily Beast). “It’s the one site I go to… it’s very very different from other sites” – JA on TDB in video. “I love Arianna, and I love the Huffington Post but you can be anyone and write for them” – I suppose that was a jab since she wasn’t invited to the WHCD that one year to rep HuffPo, yet she opted to use it in her own fairly recent Learning Annex session (grrrreat job making one of those things you cite as an accomplishment look like shit) – but really, there’s just so much there. Calling her “Tina”? (sure, you’re friends! Except not.) TB is probably already used to bullshitters and tards. Julia has done nothing new and that whole video is pathetic and purely an attempt to get on as a DB columnist, which she’s now shitting on since they didn’t accept her.

      • yeah, calling her “tina”. she is fucking “Lady Evans”, you dumb donkey.
        “I wish I had a British accent so everything I said would sound smart. Instead I was born in Chicago.”

        indeed, Julia, indeed.

      • It’s shot very unflatteringly: profile is not a good angle for someone with that many chins, plus she’s much closer to the camera than Tina, so her flabby jowls are hogging half the frame and all of the light. So amateur, like everything she involves herself with.

    • Is that a recent Tweet? I can’t find it on her Twitter stream.

      Interesting considering this was one of her infamous 2009 New Year’s Resolutions:

      “Meet Tina Brown and become involved in The Daily Beast somehow.”

      She must have been repeatedly rebuffed and is now stomping her hooves.

      • I couldn’t find it on her Twitter stream either, but the RT from twitter user raywert was from last evening. She must have deleted it almost immediately, but not quickly enough for someone else to retweet.

    • Personally I can’t go past Johnny Cash’s I Walk The Line. Johnny & June had such a great love. Respect.

    • feist – tout doucement
      though not particularly romantic it is perfect background music for a shower. one might even say it’s a perplexingly infectious and ineffably chipper little ditty. (see? what i did there?)

      • Feist’s La Meme Histoire from Paris, Je T’aime is also really good!

        In the vein of French music, might I also suggest Francoise Hardy? Anything she sings is, ugh, so romantic even if the lyrics are tragic. My favs are Voila, Tous les garcons et les filles, and Oh oh cheri,

      • Stick with the older Hardy. The music got kind of hokey after the 80s. she also got all crazy into astrology. The last couple of albums have been okay, depends on the songwriter or producer, but but nothing beats the vintage stuff.

    • Dido – Who Makes You Feel, Astaire – L-L-Love & Hooverphonic – This Strange Effect — double bonus, recommended by an awesome RBNSER! They’re all slow but just beautiful.

    • oops. forget to read non sappy love songs. so i guess “if you leave me now” by chicago is out of the question then??
      p.s. also apparently forgot to post it as a reply.

    • I’d go with downtempo electronica; it’s not so busy (i.e. it has lyrics) that it’ll distract people, but it’s enough to fill in the space. Like, Thievery Corporation is good, as is the new record by Bonobo as well as Tosca’s “Suzuki,” which is an all-time favorite. Give a listen; I think you’ll like.

    • Crimson and Clover – Tommy James and the Shondells

      Pixies – Here Comes Your Man and La La Love You

      The Cure – Close to Me, Love Cats

      Sam Amidon – Wedding Dress

      Seabear – Arms

      Arcade Fire – Crown of Love

      The Avett Brothers – January Wedding

      Mazzy Star – Fade Into You

  14. i like bloc party’s “this modern love”, and bjorks “all is full of love” for sappy romantic stuff. also “yellow”.
    actually all of band of horses is good. “no ones gonna love you” is the best, but “blue beard” and “infinite arms” are like the ultimate love songs to me.
    hope that helps and isnt too annoying a list . . .

  15. I don’t get this lady: with a clip of “Teenage Dream” as performed on Glee, she spouts “Preppy Uniforms + Katy Perry Music + A Capella + Gay Undertones = Pretty Much One of the Best Things I Have Ever Seen on TV I teared up.” Is this just a list of keywords? Her sad stab at search engine optimization or something? Given Kirk stance, this just reveals her philosophy: content without context. Pop music and slick production values as politics. ARGH.

  16. OT, but has anyone seen those commercials for the new windows phone? the ones that say “it’s so quick/easy/fast/whatever, you can put it away and get back to life”? donkey is exactly like one of the people in the ads with the competitor’s (*cough* iphone) product: nose in the phone, standing alone in a corner, texting, tweeting, never putting the phone away. anyone remember that pic from last year’s webutante ball, of julia crouching behind a partition, iphone in hand and plugged into the nearest outlet?

      • @ FC

        Maybe a la Kirk I am misremembering wrong, but wasn’t there a pic of someone squatting under something like a stage-edge or trailer which looked very much like La Donk, but it wasn’t certain that the clothes matched up?

      • damn. well, in my mind, it might as well have been her, because you know she is the one in the corner, on the phone tweeting and texting, ignoring and being ignored, ALL (snap) THE (snap) TIME (snap)

    • Exactly what I was thinking when she posted last night’s pix from the Laskey home at about 9:30. Wasn’t she still THERE? Nice guest behavior, Donks. You reek of class…