Oh No


During the Michigan Avenue shoot today!

Donkey is defacing the Chicago skyline, one of my favorite skylines in the world. Please, woman, cover those things up.

p.s. Nice fucking shoes.


    • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues

      You rang?

      She’s not fat, just a bit chunky in the lower half.

    • i don’t know anything about fashion and i get pilloried everytime i say this, but i think she looks fine in this case. her main problem, as a straight man looking at her, seems to be the need to dress like a poofy 16 yr old headed to prom. well, that and the ridiculous red hair from last yr and the romper weiner-type weirdo outfits. however, i dont see that much wrong with this outfit except that the high heels are too probably too high

      she’s still aimless, entitled, and dumber than a bag of bricks

      • Are we sure this isn’t a halloween costume? Slutty PF Chang’s Waitress?

        She’s dressing like she’s 22 and going out for a Thursday night on Cahuenga.

        The whole outfit just screams, “I have no self-esteem”. Hooker heels make it doubly declassé.

      • Her legs would look very odd in person. I’m sure they are good legs! Very muscular! And….sturdy! But the skirt is too short and she isn’t quite tall enough to do those shoes with that skirt and that age and it all comes over as too much for the ‘ultra stylish woman of the world’ thing she’s trying to pull off. She could so do a fit ten pencil skirt and class up this outfit a thousand percent.

      • She looks awesome in pencil skirts. It’s like they were made for her body. I don’t know why she insists on mini-skirts. She really thinks they’re sex-ay and she’s sex-ay in them. No, Donkey, no.

      • Jacy, you’re right. Why doesn’t Julia see this?? (Actually, RBNS taught me that I would look good in pencil skirts, too! Like Julia, I have a small waist and wide hips. Thanks, guys!)

    • This is what kills me. Most of us have SOMETHING we deal with body-wise. I have a super long torso, and I look funky in certain cuts. I try to be self aware enough to deal with this and buy things that don’t make me look weirdly unbalanced.

      Where is this awareness in Donks, Ms Fashion Girl omg bicoastal traveling woman? Wear some pants! Some knee length skirts! Copy Betty Draper’s example, for fucks sake, if you want some pink floofyness in your life.

      Does she not own a mirror?

  1. I can’t wait to hear the spin.

    She was on the cover of Wired!
    (two years ago)
    And she writes occasional freelance articles!
    (that’s pretty neato, right?)
    And she’s off the charts in Kabul!
    (according to her legions of foreign FB fans)

  2. ok, maybe I’m defensive here, being of the short-gymnast-legs persuasion, but her legs look fine here. good, even.

    the body snark is my least favorite part of this site. there are plenty of legit things wrong with this woman, why waste time making fun of things she can’t control.

    (realized as I typed that – there’s not much she actually is in control of. carry on)

    • No need to be defensive. What applies to Julie (heinous in many other ways) probably does not to you. Her vanity is out in the open and tends to be her sore spot, so it gets hit from time to time. That said, maybe she was born with muscular calves. We don’t know but I have to say in earlier photos it didn’t always appear that way. I really believe her prevalence towards wearing heels CONSTANTLY have shaped her legs even more to where they are today. It’s the same way (and I’m not comparing them, because as much as she does naaaaada, they aren’t in the same league) Victoria Beckham has worn heels for so long that she feels “uncomfortable” in flats. Wearing heels consistently effects the calves and achilles (shortening the muscles in the former and I don’t recall what it does to the latter) and donk has been doing so to combat the shortness she doesn’t seem to like very much. She COULD control it, she just sees her legs as a prize, probably because those kind of calves are quite functional when one wishes to launch themselves in the air “spontaneously” for a photo.

      • I don’t know how you can say in the same breath that (1) her calves are very muscular because she wears heels constantly and (2) wearing heels shortens the calf muscle. You’re correct on the second point; wearing heels does cause the calves to atrophy. By all rights Sister Stiletto up there should have what Jordan calls “chicken legs.”

        I still tend to think that years of ballet training in her formative years was what built her calves. Muscle in that area is notoriously hard to budge in either direction.

      • That’s sort of what I’m saying MD – they might be part of her normal build but have been enhanced further by her constant heel wearing. “Short” muscles don’t mean they appear leaner – I believe (I’m no expert, so bear with me) they’d actually be more pronounced as a result. They’re more compact and bulk up in her calves, an area most affected by either diligent exercise or regular wear of a particular style of shoe. I’m a chicken-legged flat-wearer despite owning plenty of heels. I’m SURE my calves would be more obvious/pronounced (however slightly) if I opted to wear heels more often, I just don’t. Julie has done this pretty much on a “most of the time” basis for years, so despite it being a hard area to budge shape-wise, she’s essentially been training her (possibly already substantial) calves to support her in her constant donning of heels.

      • I have calves. They’re not weirdly out of control and bowling-ball-ish the way Donks are, but I have always had muscular legs and calves. My father had the exact same body type. It’s a hereditary thing, methinks (frock and shoppe, bitches!) I did competitive gymnastics for six years and it didn’t really make them any bigger or smaller. Same goes for heels.

        Blame Momsers!

      • MD, I did ballet for 10 years and my calves are, though not skinny, not hugely muscular either. In Julia’s case, I’m guessing it’s biology.

        That said, I don’t think Julia has ugly legs. Obviously she shouldn’t be wearing miniskirts, but neither should any woman over 18.

      • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues

        Donkey didn’t do enough ballet training to warrant such calves. And even if she did, it was so many years ago.

    • But would you, as the owner of similar legs:

      Wear a dress up to your pupick, WITH

      Hideous six-inch fetish platforms, AND

      Stand elevated on a conference room credenza thereby emphasizing the shortness of your dress and height of your shoes and issuing a clear invitation to all of Chicago to view your booty, and THEN

      Post a picture of the entire travesty on your blerg???

      I think not.

    • Maybe I’m strange, but I love the look of athletic legs (on a woman–or man, actually). My legs are sort of shapeless and I’ve always wanted more muscular-soccer player type of legs. To me, there’s nothing less attractive than the anorexic, straight up and down legs that for some reason are held up as “good.”

      Anyway, to each their own.

      • No, no, rock on with the athletic leg love!

        All we’re saying is:

        Julia’s height


        Her very muscular legs


        Her not terribly ‘long’ legs proportionally


        THOSE heels


        THAT skirt length

        Equal: a not terribly flattering line.

        I mean, we all have our body issues. She’s just…apparently not at all aware of hers.

      • @Sara
        Agree, muscular legs on a woman is very sexy, usually followed by toned ass and nice hips. I’ll give up a cup size on the chest for toned legs and ass. I thank God every day for women who have shapely, muscular “soccer girl” legs. Gives me a reason to get up in the morning.

        PS – JP, I think the reason that some people here, including me, get upset with the body snark is because it’s julianus’ actions, not looks, which ’cause our ire. Also, since we’re fair humans here, we want to be judged by the same yardstick as we judge others lest we be hypocrites.

      • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues

        Her legs aren’t athletic. Other than the calves that are freakishly distorted by the years of incessantly wearing too-high heels, they are cottage cheese.

    • Ugh. Can we all stop being so butt hurt about the body snark? It’s my least favorite thing about this site. We are not talking about “you” we are talking about a person who is so heinously ugly on the inside that when she even looks remotely attractive it doesn’t show because what a terribly awful human being she is.

      Plus her legs are warped. And she looks ridiculous up there.

      • God, this friggin convo again?! Get over it. Nobody is going to stop body snarking. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.
        Do we have to have this convo every time someone makes a comment regarding her body??

      • I couldn’t agree with you more, JP. I wish everyone would stop the namby-pamby butt-hurtness. Julia is despicable with not one redeeming quality and deserves all the trash talking that’s thrown her way. She spends every waking hour with only one thing on her mind: trying to show people how sizzling HOT! she supposedly is. I don’t think it’s surprising or wrong that there’s going to be some push back, in the form of body snarking, to that kind of narcissism. After all, it’s her BODY (and her donkey tits) that she’s been shoving at everyone for years.

        “We are not talking about ‘you’ we are talking about a person who is so heinously ugly on the inside that when she even looks remotely attractive it doesn’t show because what a terribly awful human being she is.” YES!

    • I have short stumpy legs too. But I am not posing for fake fashion shoots at the age of 30, in my parents’ home. I did that shit when I was 10. Can she wear a mini skirt if she wants? Sure it is a free country and if she was walking down the street I would think nothing of it. But….Julie is trying to be at model. That is why we point and laugh.

  3. What is she wearing?! A witch costume? Is there a spatula dangling from her hand? I’m so scared and confused.

    • i know. it took me awhile, and putting my face like an inch away from my laptop, to actually decipher what was dress and what was skyline. fug.

    • I think it’s a superhero costume of some sort. Worn w/a cape, tee hee hee, What a trailblazing barnburner this little social mediaite is!

      Barf. Just barf.

    • Is that a strip of duct tape running from her left shoulder to her left hip? I seriously don’t know what’s going on. Perhaps, as with the New York Public Library shoot, we will never know because the professional photographs will never appear in any publication anywhere.

  4. Awesome, Chinese foot-binding is fashionable again!

    That Julie Albertson, always ahead of the curve. She’s so cool.

  5. There’s just nothing to be done about those stumps. No matter how skinny she gets, they remain hideous and deformed.

    (By the way, if you are not Julia then this comment is not about you. No need to get all butt-hurt and defensive.)

    • The calf implants will never fluctuate.

      (By the way, if you have naturally athletic legs, why get offended? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, after all.)

    • Umm, my grandfather was a double amputee, and my father will probably lose at least one of his legs soon. Can we NOT with the ‘stump’ comparison? Also, I recently had a cut down the beloved willow in my backyard. It hurts my soul to hear to the word at all.

      Also, the gingerbread men (or women) I just took out of the oven got overly burnt and coiled on one side, so the ‘deformed’ comments just need to stop.

      Fucking haters.

    • Actually, I’m a woman with a body, so judging women’s bodies by some hyper-specific and kind of arbitrary standard (e.g. calling someone with perfectly functional and basically normal legs “deformed”), regardless of how shitty their personalities are, is about me. I mean, go ahead, say whatever you want, but enough with the lame rationalizations.

      • Eh, I have a body type similar to Julia’s latest dude, and people were super critical, calling him fat when he so clearly isn’t, but I didn’t raise a stink and go all jezzie on anyone. Clearly there are two different sides to this debate, and you are welcome to your opinion, but her legs are effed up, and I only point it out because she constantly wears the wrong clothes for her body type and is a horrible horrible person who thinks she is a super gorge fashion model. It’s not like I would run up to a random stranger on the street and make fun of their insanely large birthing hips or anything.

  6. She really should stay in Chicago, what with her “they’ve never SEEN anything like MY CAPE” tweets. Seriously. I say this as someone who lived for 7 years in Chicago and had a great time. I’m sure most people who stared at her thought she was an asshat, but at least she’s getting stared at.

    Wake me up when New York media starts paying attention again.

    • Yeah, what the hell was that? Ooooh, a cape, how daring and avant-garde!!! What the hell is the big deal about a goddamned cape?? Why is she so proud of herself for wearing it?? And why does she talk about Chicagoans as though they are a bunch of backwards hicks? She’s projecting her own fucked-up-edness on an entire city.

      • Was there leaping involved, while wearing the cape?
        Cuz that would be pretty freakin’ hilarious.

      • Duh! If she wore her cape in NYC, Blair Waldorf would see her and immediately decide that this Julia Allison person has to be her new BFF!

        In the real world, I’d be willing to bet that most people in Chicago were far more concerned with getting to where they needed to go (like a JOB probably) than what Princess Wide Stance was wearing.

      • I don’t know, I kinda agree with here. I think I look so sweet here in Los Angeles, walking down San Vicente with my monocle and pith helmet to hit the Kogi truck. I get looks all. day. long. They just can’t handle what I’m laying down. Oh, and Donkey.

    • I’m guessing she dressed up as a goddamn superhero.
      MegaTool, methinks.

      Also, as a Chicagoan – we don’t want her!!! Although *my* Chicago & Donquée’s Chicago hardly seem like the same city. I actually like to, you know, visit different neighborhoods & shit. And I see black people.

    • Julie’s back in Chicago and is going to architecture school and decided that she’s the next Frank Lloyd Wright and the matching cape this will help her win Alex’s affections back. That’s my guess.

  7. I can just imagine the mouth-open, breathless against the window, “sexy” photo that will be the inevitable result of this shoot.

    It will be giggle-worthy!

  8. OT: Are Asha & her still friends? If not, who is her token non-caucasian friend??? I mean males or females – she only ever is with white people. How is this possible if you live in an urban area?

    • i don’t understand how she has lived in NY and doesn’t have any friends from different heritage/countries.. isn’t it supposed to be really multicultural?

      • Or a gay friend. What ‘fashionista’ doesn’t have her own gay? At least when Rambin was out in NY she got with the geedee program!

  9. Now she has a photo on her blergh stating that she is eating “gluten free cookies”. No one cares that you’re eating gluten free cookies! They sell mixes for that shit in the grocery store! She probably thinks she’s worked so hard today that she deserves special snowflake attention-diet cookies. Ugh.

    • Argh. As a non-meat eater (you are all shocked, of course, because 90% of my responses here don’t totally come from the top of my soapbox) I have dropped the ‘veggie this’ or ‘vegan that’ from my dialect, because I am tired of being either overly defensive or preachy. Yes, when I eat things like “Chorizo” (Soyrizo, to the uninitiated), I have to deal with a rash of “OMG, you ate meat!?” comments. I’m fucking over it. Those who know what I do or don’t eat don’t harsh my lifestyle by jumping over themselves trying to ‘catch’ me. However, I am CONSISTENT in what I do/do not eat. They don’t have to question, so I don’t have to explain. JA only mentions the gluten-free/vegan/veggie diet because it is all an anomaly to her usual dietary non-compliance.

      Point is, she only points it out because she knows it is a point of contention/ridicule/note-worthy.

      • my best friend has been a vego since she was 4 and not once has she made a big deal about it. she simply provides her own food when necessary to avoid people going to lengths to cater to her or she just picks something without meat.

        she’s 21 now and the last time someone questioned her dietary choices was a while ago so it’s kind of an ‘it’s none of your business why do you care?’ thing.

        restaurants all over sydney put little ‘vego’ or ‘gluten free’ signs on their menus so i don’t understand why julie’s braying constantly about how hard it is to have ceiling cat’s disease.

  10. “Just finished a marathon 8 hour photo shoot in a toxic canal. Thanks to the lovely ladies who helped me today!”

    A guy can dream, right?

  11. Girl is smoking some serious crack:


    NO. JULIE. You are NOT fat. But you KANT wear teeny weeny mini skirts with sky high heels. NOT. FLATTERING. Makes you look stumpy and chunky.

    And Michigan Avenue magazine? Wooooo BOY. Look OUT, Chicago. She conquered NYC. Time to p0wn the Windy City.

  12. What stylist would pull short dresses for a woman with Julia’s build? At the very least, throw some tights on her. This makes me think that Julia wasn’t the first choice for this shoot…..

  13. Knackered via UD:

    1. Exhausted – as in it’s hard running away from oneself constantly (and to no avail).

    2. Sexually spent – as in it’s hard pretending to be a seductress sexpot only to turn into an 11.5 date chaste type upon interaction with the opposite sex.

    3. Reprimanded – as in it’s hard having one’s parents continuously question what the HELL one is doing with one’s life, exactly.

    4. Broken / malfunctional – as in the thing, it speaks for itself.

  14. I have the DNA for large calves. I keep them lassoed by avoiding calf-building weight training and the Stairmaster. Swimming laps lengthens them and I wear pants when I feel like they’re busting out of the corral.

    I still have dresses I wore in my 20’s, too short for my age group now, wear them with jeans. When I absolutely have to wear a dress, knee-length, dark tights and booties or an elongated pump chill them out.
    It’s a cross I have to bear, but I manage.

    • shouldn’t your screen name be “failure to STRAUNCH”, as in kendrick’s last name? or not?

  15. Jebsus Christ, what is this? Is she now contacting Chicago magazines herself to further her “celebrity”?

    And on her twatter, trying to get another Chicago mag shoot in:

    # @makeitbetterNS – I would love to do something with you guys!!! Absolutely!!!
    about 1 hour ago via web in reply to makeitbetterNS

    Yeah great article peoples: NY supastar, Time Out columnist failure blah blah moves back to Chicago to live on her parents dime. This is why I don’t read magazines anymore.

    Also, those pictures are being cropped or fauxtoshopped. Legs like that are only acceptable in a before and after fashun shoot. God, I hate the world.

    • “Welcome to Make It Better.net, the northern suburbs’ most trusted community resource and magazine.”

      Julia Allison, SUPAHSTAHHH!!!

  16. Also, new pelts right? How much of other people’s hair does this woman constantly waste? It’s disgusting. #recycleyourhair

    • duh, fly business class and get the real mileage load.
      That’s who these programs are for—-real biz flyers who
      rack up real points/miles. Can you imagine the constant non-stop
      blerghs Julie would be doing from “Y” class, if/when she actually gets upgraded?
      Julie- there are people younger than you flying biz class for work—and to far flung destinations—Asia & Europe, etc. get over yourself, and please stop wearing Juicy Couture sweats–so low class.

  17. Hey Julia, it’s Azzedine Alaia, not Alia. I wonder if the lined up boxes of shoes remind her of the five Saks boxes from Michael. Only the best for the pretty princess, don’t forget that Michigan Ave. magazine!

  18. i must be tired because i read the first line as “defecating the chicago skyline”….sorta looks like it too. ok, bedtime for me!

  19. My GF flies all over the world and can’t stand flying. Why Donks would fly all around the country for no reason is beyond me… I guess most people run away from their problems, Mom and Dad pay for her to fly away.

    And also I guess she just can’t stand the idea that she lives at home with her parents and doesn’t have a job/career to speak of at 30.

  20. Oh boy. We’re definitely on the cusp of a new level of cray. There’s a naked picture of a pregnant Miranda Kerr on her blerg. This + all the other baby shit shes been posting recently = Donks wants a foal.

    p.s.- I had to google what baby donkeys are called. Not too happy with the result…

    • Also: WTF on the caption? It’s not a powerful picture. It’s a naked pregnant model. Beautiful? Yes. Powerful I don’t get. This isn’t Children on Men, women get knocked up all the time.

      • Yeah, good point; if this were Iran or North Korea, then it’d be a powerful photo. But here it’s just, well, a photo.

      • Has Julia never seen a celebrity pregnancy nude before? Everyone’s been ripping off that Demi Moore photo for YEARS. There’s nothing particularly powerful or even original about that Miranda Kerr picture. Except for it’s Orlando’s baby. Raawr.

    • I happened to click to her site while at work and that photo came up on my screen, nice and large and obvious. Thanks Donkey!

    • I LOVE how her nor Lindsay knew who Miranda Kerr is! Um, a VS model and Orlando Bloom’s other half. DUH. Good media person our donk is. Even if one didn’t know she was – atleast google before posting on your dumbass blerg.

  21. @juliaallison – …formerly-Democratic-now-Republican senate seat during the lame duck session. How exactly is this pro-gay rights? Really. about 2 hours ago via web

    @nerdgirl2009 – I hope he can vote his conscience now that he doesn’t have to campaign every two years! half a minute ago via web in reply to nerdgirl2009

    What? Is Donkey saying? That newly-elected Senator Mark Kirk will do an about-face? Did she just out him?

  22. What happened to her diva editorial demands? Fugly dresses that show no cleavage? Rambin would have been severely punished if she pulled these dresses for an omg TMI skit.

  23. ok can someone explain this:

    Julia Allison says:
    WIFE FLUFFER! RT @CosmoOnline: ever felt bummed after finding out an ex got engaged? @JuliaAllison knows about THAT. http://bit.ly/9BPxYv

    I remember this article, and I thought it was (originally?) longer. The Tweet and the comments are recent. So are they repurposing her article, did she plagarize herself, AND/OR is this her new “multi-gazillion-readership” column job?

    • I posed those questions to my therapist. “You thought you wanted to marry these guys, right?” she asked. Right. “So you made them work through their issues and got them ready for marriage.” Right. “But were you ready?”

      Wait, WHAT?

      Donkey hath a therapith??!?

    • She wrote that article in ’08, Cosmo published it January of this year. I have no idea why they’d put it up online NOW but yes, it was longer and remains in it’s original form on her “articles” page despite being labeled “January 2010” with the Cosmo logo – take a gander!


      Either she had to pare it down SIGNIFICANTLY by herself to fit the only word count they were willing to pay her for ($4/word, people!) or those editors had a bitch of a time cutting out most of her word vom (in the shower). 1841 words (original) vs. 490 (final in print). LAWL.

      • I don’t find the word ‘therapist’ among the original 1841 words, so I’m assuming the revamping of the article is all on Donkey.

      • LOL – MARRIAGE MATERIAL! I’M IN THERAPY, SEE! STABLE! Also notice in the original article she completely grabbed pieces from the conversation with her parents in her article. Their insight/experience becomes hers… does that count as plagiarizing mom$er and dad$er?

      • ah so that’s why she makes up for them by using $4 words (that ended up on the chopping block) in her own tweets.

        Exhibit A:
        juliaallison: Walking to my father’s office in downtown Chicago to meet him for lunch. It’s a ridiculously, perplexingly gorgeous day. Happy Thursday!!
        1 hour ago

        It’s also Veterans’ Day, bitch. You know, all those young, marriage-eligible males (and females) who gave up their LIVES so that you could enjoy the right to wear fox costumes flying aimlessly around the country pretending you are important?

      • None of the adjectives she uses makes sense and never apply to the subject. She would get an enormously gargantuan “F” in my writing class. She’s always anthropomorphizing. It’s worrisome.

      • I am perplexed by my desk! It’s so ridiculously demanding with it’s neverendingly ceasing errands!!!!!

  24. OT and terrible, but sometimes I check in on her friend Dan’s blog and I just saw that in addition to all his other medical issues, he was diagnosed with celiac disease a few months back. Unlike the Donk, I’m sure he had doctors do the diagnosing. I am thinking her case might be a way to show that she suffers JUST LIKE HE DOES.

    But that would elevate her from being an irritating joke into the realm of truly terrible person. . . .

    • That’s a shame for poor Dan.

      I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t via Dan’s condition updates that Donkey 1st heard of CD & adopted it for her own.

      How typical that she’s using CD for an ATTN-getting measure while her friend actually has it & him having that in particular is the least of his worries.

      In her case, it’s Cuntiac’s Disease though.

      • p.s.
        RE: ‘a few months back’, does it happen to dovetail w/in the time-frame in which Donkey was tweeting for cancer & cd docs?

      • It wouldn’t surprise me a bit. I think I was trying to sound kinder than I am. She’s hideous. This is no coincidence.

    • I remember a while ago Julia posted a convo with CD on her blog where she was complaining about weight loss, how she thought she was fat, etc. It probably never crossed her mind how much he might struggle with keeping weight on, keeping food down and finding things he could eat, and would probably love to have her “problem.” Julia= truly terrible person.

  25. I am 5’4 and have had to learn that 6-inch bondage-y platforms and miniskirts don’t give me Angelina Jolie legs and they can easily give the hoofness. This has been a sad lesson.

    Placing legs a certain way (not in the Stance, esp. against a fantastic skyline) can fake it. My cat has been kind enough (after distemper shots) to nudge me toward OMG pencil skirts when I want to do platforms.


    • she thinks she’s a real “character” (quasi-celeb) and people will fall all over to have OMG JULIA ALLISON FROM NYC in their stuff

      She forgets Chicago is a bigger city-city than LA. Chicago is a city you go to and feel like you’re in a big city (sorry LA, but you have Hollywood!)

      But ……. um……………. who lives in Chicago?
      Michael Jordan
      Jerry Springer
      Joan Cusak
      John Mahoney (dad from Frasier)
      Billy Corgan
      Roger Ebert
      Vince Vaughn

      Any of those are far more interesting than Jules. So why can’t she just stay put in one city- WHAT IS HER POINT OF EXISTENCE??