Lasagna Lambastes Lazy Loser

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Something tells me that when Julia hoofs it to the airport to catch her one-way flight to Chicago, Lasagna will celebrate by going on a raging three-week bender.

59 COMMENTS

  1. Can you imagine how that packing is going? She’s probably not doing shit, stopping to daydream about what might have been every time she runs across some momento of her life in nyc.

  2. i can imagine lasagne just relieved she can go home and pack her own bag to take to the hospital.. she is preggers, right?

  3. hasjuliaallisonleftnewyorkyet.tumblr.com has now surpassed tj and masha in pageviews and followers. if this pace of growth picks up, we will have 20 unique views a month by october. i have my intern calling wendy’s to see if we can shill for JBC’s and frosty’s.

    • um, hello, OUR intern? i’m not leaving this joint bidness lady venture until after your first birthcray bash, mmkay? 😉

      • listen blondie, let’s get a few things straight. you may have created the clock that counts for half of our bidness, but just remember who brings the real A-game content. Not just anyone can write “not yet” once every day or so.

      • This is all so amazing. Will you ladies be giving a Learning Annex lecture anytime soon? I’d like to learn how I, too, can be a magic A-game biznesslady. kthx.

  4. She can’t even pack by herself? I can see people helping her move boxes and stuff but packing up that sterile apartment should take about 1/2 a day.

      • As have I. I once packed half a very large one bedroom I had lived in for FIVE FUCKING YEARS with tons of accumulated shit, AND MOVED, iin one day. I had help in the form of a few males in my family/my then bf, but jesus christ I prob had 10 times the amount of stuff and actual furniture. What a lazy ass freak she is.

      • I relocated from New Delhi to New York, and you know what I did? I looked around at my apartment, and all these things that I had lovingly imbued with meaning (the bookshelves! That we made! And painted a happy yellow!), and I thought, “Seriously, fuck this noise.” The old man and I gave our books to our friends, sold everything that wasn’t bolted down, packed two suitcases each, and found out how to transport our cat across continents. It doesn’t take that long to rebuild, really.

    • This is the one place where I’ll give Donkey some leeway. I had to pack my apartment amidst a very emotional breakdown. Without giving away any details, the friend helped a lot. She’s a shitty person, and she’s clearly going through a breakdown. This is one of the only times I’ll give her credit.

    • I’ve both found a new apartment in NYC in less than 2 weeks. I’ve moved two apartments across country, by myself, all while working full time/saying goodbyes, all while still having time to google myself.

  5. Me: I was almost concerned he might be too … @Caro: Wholesome? Me: YES! But then I remembered I was looking for a husband – not a Harley!
    about 4 hours ago via web

    What a way to scare any potential man away. Donkey is destined to be eternally single.

    • I can’t wait to see what she ends up settling for. it will be pretty funny when she finally gets someone to ride side-car to her shitshow. he’s going to be a real peach i’m sure (or pear…)

  6. Re husband:
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means

    What you’re looking for, Donkey, is spelt M-e-a-l-t-i-c-k-e-t.

  7. “hotdoghandjobs: Just finished watching my first movie by myself; unfortunately, it involved Will Ferrell’s teeth. Now off to @juliaallison’s to help pack.”

    Wait, WHAT? The Hipster Grifter is helping Julie pack? LOL.

    • I swear to god, the punchlines just write themselves. Her friends are terrible. If she DOES move to LA, one of her first orders of business will be twitter-stalking the only z-list celebs she knows, like Shannon Elizabeth.

      It’s almost getting sad at this point.

      • Ha. Yes, well. It IS sad. I guess what I meant was, it’s also a laugh factory, because she’s so terrible, so the haha’s override the “oh, that’s just a shame” feelings.

      • It’s like when Heather Chadwell befriended Chris Crocker.

        Oh, just me? I’m the only person who knows that? I’ll see myself out…

      • This is going to be so good. I am going on vacation soon, I assume the end result of the grifter/donkey friendship will end in tears, violence, and possibly jail time for either the grifter or donkey. I just hope I don’t miss anything. I know I could always come back and catch up, but I like to watch this shitshow in real time.

        That said… I thought hipster grifter was locked up? Didn’t she commit some serious crimes? Theft or identity theft?

  8. i think lasagna just tweeted some more hilarity…something along the lines of “does it make you sad you have so much stuff yet it’s worth so little?” sounds like alagna is either tired of the constant packing, or has been reading here and agrees with us on the garbage sale.

  9. I’ve had way too much too drink tonight but I have one thing to say to Julia Allison.

    …*crickets*…

    Yeah, that. Nothing will get through to her fucking head that what she is doing is not going to work out. NOTHING. She SUCKS as a person. I wish I had her number so I could call her – an e-mail just wouldn’t do.

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