Julia: Duhhhhhh

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On Monday, mid-packing, I suppose, Donk found the time to post Part 8 of this shit-show. Honestly, all I am left with after watching these is just how STUPID she is. She says nothing of any value in any of these except providing advice on how to be a fraud. And the pelts, my God, the pelts.

129 COMMENTS

  1. I think she posted this a while back. What’s interesting is that she never posted the end of the talk. I wonder if it’s because that’s the part the has all the Q&A and she looks even stupider or if it’s because she never gets around to talking about all the things she says “we’re going to talk much more about that later”…

    either way, the whole point of her talk is to give tips on how to get unwarranted or undeserved attention. it’s so sad.

    • According to the date stamp, she posted in Monday. Maybe she reposted it? Not sure. Sorry if this is the second time you’ve seen it — it’s tough to watch.

      • Am I the only one who gets mini-panic attacks when watching a horrible public speaker? My heartrate speeds up and I feel like I need to jump in and save them.
        My evil evil Canadian ex-boss had this horrible lilting, pausing, awkward style that sounded like an oval wheel rolling down a hill. I had to do breathing exercises everytime I was in a meeting with him. I get the same feeling when watching one of JA’s “smarty” videos.
        Maybe I need to discuss this with my therapist…

      • It’s called Cankleshausen by Proxy, and yes, I get it too. It’s more intense watching her do this shit, but it happens a lot with me. It happens to me in real-life situations all the time.

        But Donk’s lip dubs almost kill me every time. Just soooooo embarrassing. The one in the chairlift? OH GOD NO

    • MBRC – I think she had just posted the other ones? I don’t recall having seen this one. Shoot me now.

  2. The only thing worse than a stupid person is a stupid person who genuinely believes they are smart. You can tell by the way Julia speaks that she thinks she’s a genius, which makes this video nails-on-the-chalkboard cringe inducing. I feel so, SO embarrassed for her.

    • not just smart. Smarter than YOU. Smarter, richer, prettier, and with shit more together.

      • But she went to Princeton, almost every spring!

        And she has a bag that says Yale!

        And she was a prefrosh at Harvard!

        And she can jump at Stanford!

      • Humped a tiger at Princeton! Yelled “College!” at Harvard! Jumped at Stanford!

        Where is her Hon-air Ivy Ph.D???

    • Agreed. In a similar vein, the only thing worse than an asshole is a stupid asshole. Smart assholes I can deal with. Dumb assholes make me want to go postal.

      • i actually LOVE smart assholes. that’s my “type” of girl, as far as personalities go. love love love smart girls with quick wit!

        julia is not funny and is fucking dumb. megtard even more so (but less annoying, i guess)

  3. “Star needed me more than I needed them”? Julia Lavender has spoken. Must be why they fired her incompetent ass ASAP. Do some of the more inane audience queries sound as though they’re coming from women in their 60s?

    • star’s actually doing well these days. how the fuck does she figure that they “needed” her? because it’s what she wants to believe? more likely, bc it’s what she wants the audience to believe. gross.

    • Let’s see: she was hired only when the original E@L left for Fox, there for a whole YEAR and totally wasn’t fired. She was just publicly noted as “an embarrassment to Star” precisely when that “contract non-renewal” took place. Yep, they needed her all right.

  4. Also, she is unable to string together a coherent set of thoughts into an actual point.

    She just jumps around from one Julia Allison anecdote (wired magazine cover!) to another (Georgetown sex column scandal!).

    She’s obviously an idiot, but now I think she also has ADHD.

    • Exactly. If I had only three cats with me in the basement instead of 15, I would love to take the time to transcribe one of these and read it on the page because the utter inanity and inability to follow through on a single thought would be even more plain.

      • Gotta say, I for one would totally love you for that, because I’ve been having problems watching videos recently. But, as one crazy cat ladee to another, I of course understand that kitties come first. Kitties and being obese and sort of sad.

      • I can’t watch them either. 🙁 Wish RRR would do a transcription.

      • I can’t watch either, but for some reason, I was able to see the one where she was wearing the prom dress and sparkly shoes and posing and jumping (it was the banner up there for a time), and I LITERALLY could not believe how insane/ridiculous/horrible she is off the page.

    • Um…. Err….. OK…. Like…. Errrr…. Julia is a TERRIBLE public speaker and is TERRIBLE on camera. WHY is she still chasing after TV opportunities? WHY??? And she kept pointing to her head when she said things like “think” or “in my mind.” Thanks for the interpretive dance, oh literal one.

      Also? She is not attractive.

      • It’s like she woke up that morning and was all, “I think I’ll give a talk today about myself” and free-associated from there.

      • It’s the repeated “I promise you” that drives me mental. Way to stress your point. Just trust me! I promise you!!!! Just take my word for it!!!

        Shut UP, Donkey.

      • She can promise these things with confidence because she has become such a HUGE success! It’s funny to sit here and watch this colossal fail-whale teaching a class on how to be successful.

    • ME TOO OMG I had some kind of foam thing they floated around on? a foam shell or something??

    • OMG I had completely forgotten about those, but I had them too! Wow thanks for the flashback. And yes, they did have a foam thingie, Stalker.

  5. She is trying so hard. Talks are hard ya’ll. It’s like rocket art or performance science. She’s racking her brain to come up with examples which help her audience open their minds and understand her wisdom. Also, don’t worry about the money for like three years. It will come. As long as you don’t need to eat.

  6. I wonder if like Lindsey Lohan would give talks on life management like Julia. If only Dina could edit her work.

  7. When is chubs actually slinking out of NY? I thought she was being evicted the 10th but clearly was off. I think it’s so weird that she hasn’t done anything before leaving the city. Of course she has no friends so I didn’t expect parties and the like, but if I was moving back in with my parents I’d at least ride my hideous bike to the Met or spend the day in Central Park or something. I’ll never understand people who live in NY and do the same things they would do in like Big Falls, Iowa.

    • The romper wiener photo answers that.

  8. The fact that she really can’t finish a ocmplete sentence – constant digressions and back-tracks and asides – makes me truly wonder about organic mental illness or drug abuse.

    When doctors screen for mental illness they talk about whether the person can execute “goal-oriented speech”, meaning talking to get to a specific point (“I want some water”, not: “I wants some – and I know this is gonna sound far-fetched – but the government controls the water supply and is contaminating it with psychotrpic drugs. I’ve done the tests. I know they’re in there. They interefere with the transmitter the PGA implanted in my teet in 1986…”)

    Someone patient should transcribe these things. It would be spooky.

    • I’m crying from laughter at this comment. It is spot on.

      That was my first thought, too, after watching this. This is evidence of a mental disorder, but I couldn’t articulate it as perfectly as you, FF.

    • “I did segments for fre for years and years, right? Like HUNDREDS of segments for free. Star Magazine wanted me to do segments with their name under it. Like, I was doing it with….Time Out New York under it. Chyron; it’s called a chyron that’s underneath your name so it’s like “Julia Allison” and then that’s called your chyron. So it’s “Star magazine”. They were willing to pay me a lot of money to put their name under it because, and, in addition to that, all of the work that i had done: building the contacts with the producers, building the…uh…rapport with them, them trusting me…they needed to pay me for that. Because I wasn’t gonna put…I wasn’t gonna say I was from Star for free.Like they needed me more than I needed them.”

      • See that’s part of the delusion.

        She thinks media right now works that way: that an individual (like her) builds a “brand” and makes contacts in traditional media all by themselves and then Star Magazine, or Coca-Cola or Tang is som impressed, and so unable to duplicate that “brand themslves” that they sponsor her. Like a drummer selling advertising space on their bass drum face.

        Whereas in reality Star wanted Julia to represent Star. They wanted her to tease their upcoming stories and maybe even produce some tips herself with all her “contacts”. And they wanted maximum exposure – the big shows, the big audiences.

        Instead, she never mentioned her employer (who was paying her $100K/year) and fucked up her on-airs (late bitchy, not there at all) as often as she pulled them off. (She also didn’t get asked to the sort of prime time talking head stuff Star really coveted). And on top of all that she made fun of Star and celebrity gossip online every time she stayed up past 3 am and realized she was a pioneer and a founder and “above” all this tawdry cross-talk.

        Last time I checked Star was still in in business and high-profile, and Julia was selling velour tacksuits online. Who needed who more, again?

      • And by the way, chyrons aren’t those tag lines on the screen under a talking head. Duh.

        They’re the silver, metal alien guys in Battlestar Gallactica. You know? With the dark eye coverings that have the red LCD line moving back and forth in little dots? So cold. So heartless. Scary shit. Chyrons. We have to defeat the Chyrons!

      • What is the point?? What is she trying to say????

        Can you imagine sitting there listening to that?

        I swear I would have put up my hand and said: “Excuse me, Miss Albertson. Yes, you, with the hair. Yes, hi. Hey, listen: What are you talking about?”

      • Exactly, Jacy: she is so disorganized, I cannot believe people paid for it.

        Also, the seminar was about getting *INTERNET* FAMOUS, dipshit.

  9. FYI, the crotch-rot Juicy sweatsuit is still available. I emailed. She responded. The entire email exchange, despite her 1,203,809,835,397 unanswered emails (LIE) took 1.5 minutes.

    • TJ, doesn’t she know your real name? Were you emailing as though you wanted to buy it, or just flat out asking her if it had sold?

      • I emailed her from my usual account which has my real first name. I’ve told her that I’m total jing on RBNS. She never remembers and responded in earnest to my request.

        I had an idea for a funny involving me in the juicy couture but I don’t think that I can actually follow through with it.

      • And she only sold half her items. I thought the point was to lighten the burro load to LA. That barely made a dent and she still didn’t sell that giant, awful bed. I don’t understand why she didn’t donate everything to Goodwill. That would have been 100X easier. Hell, some charities will even pick up your donated goods. Moving her junk costs twice of what it’s worth.

        Along with various other mental illnesses, I think our burro also has a bit of a hoarding/ compulsive shopping problem. She owns ten pairs of the same style of shoe, ten sets of sweatsuits – one in each color, all of these weird costumey type clothes you can’t wear as regular clothes. It’s bizarre.

      • well, it will get bigger each yr. bc, after all, this was the “First Annual NonSociety Garage Sale” (meanwhile, none of them own houses or have front lawns or garages). each yr it will get bigger and better!

        sad grifters, that NonSociety crowd. very sad.

    • Last week I offered her $100 for that mess if the pants had period stains and smelled like farts. She did not reply. I e-mailed her again a couple days ago to remind her “100 bucks is 100 bucks.”

    • I think she didn’t sell it because, in her addled mind, she thought it was worth close to retail. I cannot get over the fact that she thinks the stuff she was selling was of ANY value, period. Platos Closet wouldn’t take that crap.

  10. She didn’t quit her DAY JOB? her DAY JOB?!?

    And i love how she basically called Abdul illiterate and then segued into saying (and I’m paraphrasing) “I don’t want to be Perez Hilton; I don’t want to be mean.

    • her public schtick is an “oh shucks” nice girl. in reality, she’s a mean cunt. so ya, you hit that on the head.

      the “day job” thing killed me too. she didnt quit her “day job” for 3 yrs??? wtf??? i think she means TimeOutNY? but that was a once a week column that paid her $50/wk. so umm errr, wtf? how is that your “day job”?

    • It’s not even that she doesn’t want to be “mean”. As we all know ALL too well, she’s a pro at that (despite being SOOOOO NICE!!), it’s that she wants Sandy Bullock American’s Sweetheart adoration and can’t embrace her inner (actual?) villain like Perez did to get his fame/fortune. I hate to break it to her but even as heinous as Perez can be, he has his influence in certain circles and was certainly “influential” enough to get his name on everything from books to Hot Topic “lines” to a VH1 miniseries (in addition to stints as guest judge on any number of shows) to freakin sextoys. That example was an absolute fail. Oprah has her audience for sure, but even she isn’t immune to backlash. Perez actually has MORE freedom than Oprah because he doesn’t have to be perfect, nor a positive influence.

    • Yeah WTF is that. When did she have a fucking day job? The only one I know of is the one her parents got her “on the hill” the year after she flunked out of Indiana University, and maybe like a 5 second one in NY, whcih I’m not even sure about. She moved here from one sugar daddy in CA to another sugar daddy in NYC. Who the fuck is she kidding. And she only had her own place for like 5 minutes before she took over Alex’s place, no doubt not paying rent even after she dumped him and refused to leave.

      Fuck you.

    • If her heinous case of Melty Face gets any worse, she’ll be able to play Nancy Pelosi – still no acting required.

  11. I just can’t watch anymore of that speech. I think watching the earlier parts made me stupid. Not for a long time or anything, but long enough to make me cringe at the thought of watching more.
    I’ll just read the comments and trust your judgments.

    • she’s essentially teaching people how to bullshit and attract undeserved attention. she doesn’t mention that this could lower the opinion of people who actually know you (when they see you projecting this bullshit image of yourself out there) or fuck up your life with bad publicity.

      ugh, this bitch is so stupid. excuse me while I go vom in my shower.

    • awesome. i dont watch the office and have never seen that… but that is sooooo julia baugher. thanks so much for posting it. LOLing over here!

    • Books she didn’t read, but instead bought to arrange just so in “candid” photos of her nightstand and sitting in airplane seats.

      • It’s just so typical of her that she saw fit to announce this piece of (dubious) information on her blergh — ten boxes of books!!! (ahem, people, please note that I are superSMARTballz).

    • That just means that she buys (or Donks’ case maybe I should say “acquires”) books, not that she reads them.

    • it’s more FUN to re-read something you have already read than to read a new book!

      ~breaking news
      ~hot tips
      ~aspirational lifestyle

    • When my friend moved to CA he sent his books via media mail. I guess since she’s using movers, she might as well let them move it.

    • Yes, and I hate how she seems to subtly imply that that is Much! More! than Most! People!

      Ten boxes! We should be very impressed! We haven’t even thought of buying that many books!

  12. For those without video access: about ten seconds of random transcription and I gave up:

    “I want to get into how you get press. Figure out your Today Show pitch. Does anyone watch the Today Show? So.. Like… does anyone watch morning shows? Does anyone watch television? Right? We all watch television. Um… watch a show that has guests on it. And start to think in your head how… how… are they ummm creating these segments. What are they doing, who are the experts on, what are they talking about. ”

    It’s like you can see the little addled hamsters running on the rusty wheel in her brain. She can’t string together TEN seconds worth of coherent thought. Truly worrisome.

    • Yikes! Watch a show that has guests on it. … Okay.. I caught some Maury at the gym the other day…so I should try to impregnate six or more people? Then Jerry Springer was on. Pulling out weave, that’s how you get famous? Sign me up!!

    • So much to parse there. I’ll go with “think in your head”. As opposed to thinking in your…?

    • I’m bringing back a good old standby in reference to this garbage:

      HOW FUCK??!!

      “Um… watch a show that has guests on it.”

  13. Slow work day? That’s a yes. Continuation of the madness is here: http://textbin.com/c6267. Didn’t want to post such a long comment, so that’s the entire thing and as I “this is some fuckery” bonus, some FUN caps here: http://i35.tinypic.com/28a5atj.jpg. I’d call this God’s work but I’m pretty sure this is all Lucifer. Also, I can see why she can’t get a pilot or legit TV work beyond fillers to save her life. Having to deal with editing her on camera (or even transcribing, ugh) could drive anyone to suicide.

      • I cannot.watch.her videos. Of that, at least, I’ve been cured; no biopsy required. Wait? Does that even work. Hahaha.
        The synopses suffice just fine. Appreciated.

    • Thi is crazy to see in black and white. Julia, on “getting paid”.

      And we quote:

      “…But, frankly, I promise you don’t think about the, like, “OK if I do this, if I”.. just think about what do you do better than anyone else that you freakin love that you would do for free and do it for free. And then I promise you people will come to you and they will pay you, and I, it sounds like mag– it’s not magic OK, this is gonna take AWHILE and if you expect it to happen in 6 months you are deluding yourself. But, 3 years – that’s how long it took me, 3 year to ge– to ge– be paid.”

      I had a freind who used to do that “ge-, ge- get paid” thing. But he huffed ALOT of gold spray paint.

    • These are just the same stories recycled:

      *sex (dating -w-ever) columnist at Georgetown
      * Time Out magazine gig
      * Wired cover
      * short-lived Star gig

      The only new thing that has happened in the past 3 years? The Sony gig. Nothing else.

  14. “Me: I was almost concerned he might be too … @Caro: Wholesome? Me: YES! But then I remembered I was looking for a husband – not a Harley!”

    Ugh, just stooooooooooooooooooooop.

  15. Jesus Christ she looks like shit. I love how she can’t possibly run her fingers through that dead human hair glued to her head, so she just sorta pats it out of her face every so often.

    FAIL.

    • I also really enjoy how the dress is clearly too small for her and cuts off her ham arm circulation. But it’s a DVF WRAP DRESS ZOMG ZOMG@@@@@!!!!

  16. The lithp and the lipsmacking make me mental. But of course, there is nothing–NOTHING redeemable in these at all. I’ve said it before here, but I imagine the audience is a mental ward and at some point a nurse will come into frame and tell Julier, “Thank you, Julia. You can sit down now. Who wants to share next? …You, cradling the dead squirrel… come on up.” She will never ‘get it’ ever.

  17. The most horrifying thing of all about this video is this is PART FUCKING EIGHT. The addled rambling had been going on for hours at this point and she’s not close to wrapping up. Being in that room would have made me suicidal. I can’t believe people payed to hear this tard.

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